Not Feeling Thankful? These 7 Tips Can Get You In The Holiday Spirit.

Not Feeling Thankful?
These 7 Tips Can Get You In The Holiday Spirit.

Warwick Fairfax

November 17, 2023

Thanksgiving is a uniquely North American tradition, celebrated in November in the U.S. and October in Canada. In the U.S, Thanksgiving commemorates a feast between the Pilgrims and Native Americans in the Fall of 1621. It had been a harsh winter, with the Pilgrims celebrating a successful harvest and giving thanks to God. Nowadays it is a time for family and friends to gather to give thanks amid turkey, pumpkin pie and other holiday food.

Thanksgiving can be a wonderful time with family and friends. But Thanksgiving can also be a somber time where we mourn those no longer with us, and perhaps mourn relationships that are not what they once were. Thanksgiving can also be a lonely time where we don’t have family and friends that we feel comfortable being with.

How do we navigate Thanksgiving with these mixed emotions, some good and some not so good?

1. Start by giving thanks.

This might seem obvious, but the key point of Thanksgiving, whether it is giving thanks to God or thanks more generally, is to be thankful.  Even when life is not easy, there are usually some things we can be thankful for.  Perhaps, despite the unavoidable strains that befall any relationship, we are actually thankful for our spouse, partner and kids and our parents.  Perhaps we are blessed to have a job, one which we hopefully like.  Or it could be as simple as being thankful for this day, a walk in the woods or the park; being thankful for an encouraging friend.  If we think about it enough, we can usually think of something or someone we are thankful for.

2. Allow yourself to reflect.

Reflect on how things have been over the last year or so, both the good and the bad. We are as humans, emotional beings, so just pretending that everything is great and not allowing yourself to reflect is not good. So think about what has gone well, what has not gone as well and even areas you feel conflicted about. You can’t deal with and process what you don’t allow yourself to feel and consider.

3. Learn the lessons.

Think about what has happened over this last year in particular. Or you could go further back and consider what you can learn from things that have gone well and things that have not gone well. Pondering why some things have gone well can be very valuable. Perhaps you are grateful for supportive parents who encouraged you in your dreams, or the opportunity to have a good education or a good job. You might remember that you got to where you are by working hard or taking a risk. Qualities that served you well in the past and will serve you well in the future.

There are also lessons in the areas that have not gone well. Perhaps in high school you made some poor choices, hung out with the wrong friends, and did not work as hard as you could have. You can’t change the past, but the past can provide lessons about areas you want to change in the present and the future. Every day we can make a choice how we want to live today: which decisions will take us forward and which ones will take us backward. Some areas in our life are painful, through no fault of ours. Perhaps you have been mistreated growing up or in your job. We can consider how we want to move forward, forgiving what has happened in order to move forward, which does not mean condoning what happened. We may decide to chart a different course and not let what happened to us control us or define us.

4. Share with others.

Consider how what you have been through, both the good and the bad, can help others. Perhaps you had a supportive family that was always at your games in school and supported your dreams. Share that story with others and think of how you can be supportive to your friends and family and co-workers as well. We may have been blessed, so we should think of how we can use those blessings to bless others.

In areas, where life has not gone as well, use it as a springboard to think of others. You can help others avoid your mistakes and perhaps help them avoid the pain that was inflicted on you. And for those who have suffered, you can encourage them and help them realize that they are not alone. You know how they feel and you will be with them.

5. Craft a mission from thankfulness.

As you reflect on the areas you are grateful for and the areas that are more painful, think of how both the good and the bad can be the foundation of a mission. This could lead to a nonprofit or a different way of thinking about your work or family. It could lead to an intentional personal mission to live differently and give back as part of who you are as you are looking to bless others: the foundation of what we call a life of significance.

6. Be present.

As you are reflecting on what has gone well and what has not gone well, what you are grateful for and how you can use what you have been through, be present. As you are around friends and family at Thanksgiving, listen to their stories, ask them questions about their lives. Laugh with them, grieve with them, have fun with them. And importantly, if you have any ill feelings toward them, forgive them. They may push your buttons, irritate you, remind you of things you wished you had not done or said years ago. But it is Thanksgiving. Have a spirit of grace.

7. Celebrate Thanksgiving!

With all the good and the bad, the poor decisions you have made, the bad things that have happened to you, the sometimes challenging relationships you may have with family and friends; celebrate! Life is complex, a mix of good times and hard times. Amidst the different and conflicting steams of life, celebrate what you have and who you are. Having a positive attitude, a glass half-full mentality, is better than the alternative.

Thanksgiving is not always an easy time. It is a time for being thankful, for reflecting, for sharing, for giving to others, for trying to move on and let go of past bitterness, and a time for celebration. Don’t let Thanksgiving overwhelm you.  Channel your thoughts, emotions and reflections in a positive manner so that Thanksgiving can indeed be a time of celebration.