Burn the Ships 1: From Music to Lifestyle Brand Entrepreneur: Eryn Eddy #150

Highlights

• Eryn’s early days in an entrepreneurial family (5:38)
• How her dad always empowered women  (6:08) 
• Confusion about how to make her dream come true (7:50) 
• Discovering her passion for music (10:27)
• Burning her musical ships to pursue So Worth Loving (14:46) 
• How realizing she was so worth loving helped her burn the ships (19:35)
• The night that changed her life (24:42)
• Crying out to God in her despair (30:11) 
• The impact of the feedback from those she was helping (33:31) 
• The similarities of the missions of So Worth Loving and Beyond the Crucible (39:20)
• Being broken but beautiful (40:49)
• Eryn’s word of hope for listeners (49:16)

Transcript

Gary Schneeberger:

We’ve seen so much interest in our special 23% off offer for our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, that we’re continuing it throughout February. The three module video course will equip you to transform your life from, “Is this all there is,” to, “This is all I’ve ever wanted.” Each session is led by Beyond the Crucible founder, Warwick Fairfax, who shares his own hard won successes in turning trials into triumphs, and he’s got some high powered help from USA Today’s gratitude guru to a runner-up on TV’s Project Runway, from a recording artist with a billboard number one album to a couple of bestselling authors. It’s an ensemble of men and women living significant second acts who would command a six figure price tag if any business wanted to fill an auditorium with them to coach their employees, but we’ve packed their insights and action steps into our course for a sliver of that cost.

And if you act before the end of February, you’ll get 23% off your enrollment. Just visit Secondactsignificance.com and use the code 23for23. So don’t delay, enroll today, and remember, life is too short to live a life you don’t love. Now, here’s today’s podcast episode.

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I’m Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.

Eryn Eddy:

So I had my music blog on Tumblr and put my home address on my Tumblr blog, and I asked people, I said, “Mail me your personal shirt. I’ll spray paint an empowering phrase,” because all my music was empowering, so just kind of went in with this concept of me creating music and talking to my fans through my blog. I just like, “Hey, mail me one of your shirts. I’ll spray paint that you’re so worth loving, and I’ll mail it back to you for free,” and I was doing that with my businesses now, So Worth Loving. So I thought I was going to do music 100%, but that wasn’t the case. There were bigger plans.

Gary Schneeberger:

Bigger plans? Bigger than licensing her original music to VH1 and MTV and some of the most popular shows on television? You bet. Because Eryn Eddy wanted to give people more than a song to listen to. She wanted to give them a truth to live by. Hi, I’m Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. Today marks the premier episode of our new series, Burn the Ships. We’re talking with guests who’ve been brave enough to make dramatic pivots, leaving behind safe and familiar lives to do something dramatic, new, life changing, and significant, facing down and overcoming crucibles along the way, and Eryn is the perfect guest to get us going on this journey.

What started as spray painting fans’ T-shirts with the simple, profound message, “So worth loving,” has offered hope and healing to so many people that it’s now a successful lifestyle brand that, as the company mission statement puts, exists to remind you of your worth, so you can remind others of theirs. In fact, that’s been Eryn’s own story as she tells Warwick in this interview. Self-doubt, broken relationships, fears that what she tried just might not work out, those are the crucibles she’s fought through to help others find the resilience to do the same.

Warwick Fairfax:

Eryn, thank you so much for being here. I loved reading your book, So Worth Loving. I mean, obviously we grew up very differently, you small town in Georgia, me, big city, Sydney, in Australia, and a massive family business, but just this whole concept of, which we’ll get into a bit, your journey to both help other people realize that they’re loved, but also realize that you’re loved, which almost feels like a lifelong journey to actually realize it, and obviously for you and I, that God loves us and loves everybody unconditionally. So I love the theme of your book, and I resonated with so much of it despite our backgrounds being pretty radically different, which is pretty amazing.

But before we get into, and obviously we want to hear a bit about So Worth Loving in terms of your whole company, and how that all got started, but tell us a bit of the backstory about growing up in a small town in Georgia with parents who were entrepreneurial furniture folks with a store, and it sounds like a couple of sisters. And so just tell us a bit about what life was like for you growing up.

Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. I’m honored, and I love that our stories can be so different and yet we can connect on so many levels of the emotional ups and downs that come with owning something to struggling with owning something, whether it’s owning our emotions or it’s owning a business.

Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah.

Eryn Eddy:

My parents, they’ve manufactured furniture for almost 40 years, and my grandmother, actually, she was the person that owned her business before my mom and dad decided to go on that endeavor, and her business, she was the fastest growing furniture maker in the south. It was so rare for women business owners to emerge in the seventies and eighties, and so they were fascinated, and Ronald Reagan, he honored her at the White House.

Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, wow.

Eryn Eddy:

Because it was like, “Who is this female that owns a business in the south, and it’s successful?” And he really empowered women in that way. So anyway, so I did grow up with that in my blood. Entrepreneurship was in my DNA from my grandma to my grandfather, to my great-grandma, to my great-grandfather, just kind of I’m a lineage of it, but I grew up, tiny town, 3000 people, so a little smaller than the town that you grew up in.

Warwick Fairfax:

Indeed, yes. Smaller than Sydney, just a tad. Yeah.

Eryn Eddy:

Just a little bit. Yeah, my family, we had tons of animals. I mean, we bred great Danes, we bred Jack Russells. It was like a zoo on 16 acres in this tiny town, but what’s interesting and unique about my story is that while I grew up in the South, both my parents are from the north, so my dad is from Ohio, and my mom is from Indiana. So I didn’t have this typical southern belle that you hear small town in the south. While I was in a small town in the south, I was raised by people from the Midwest and up north.

Gary Schneeberger:

Bravo. As someone who lives in Wisconsin and was born in Wisconsin, I have to applaud that.

Warwick Fairfax:

Well, and I say my wife actually came from a small town in northeast Ohio, so pretty familiar with Ohio.

Eryn Eddy:

Oh, okay. Oh, nice, nice. See, so I grew up with my mom, loved Miracle Whip, not mayonnaise. I don’t know if that’s a Midwest or a northern thing, but that’s like all of our sandwiches were very sweet. That’s all I can say. But so I grew up really like my dad… So I’m one of three girls. I’m the last born, and my dad just always empowered the women in the house, and that goes to he was raised by a single mom, which was my grandma, who was the furniture maker and owner, and so female empowerment was just a thing. It was just empowering our voice in general, not because we’re female, but just because we’re a person.

And that just kind of bred this within me that I can believe parts of myself that I’m capable. I am capable of doing things, and pursuing, and dreaming, and so I went to an all-girl school. I know a lot about women. Family of girls. I went to an all-girl school. It was a boarding school. I was a day student and just was not really good at academics. I learned pretty quickly in fifth grade I was pretty bad at it, and I’d rather be dreaming and creating with my hands and writing.

I mean, I was a journaler since I was 12, so I have over 100 journals now. So writing poetry, and feelings, and thoughts, and observations is always something that I did, and that’s the other thing that my dad bred was just be honest with your thoughts, be honest with your thought life, and my mom also was an example of that. So I grew up with some incredible parents that just empowered us to come into our own. But even then, I was confused on what it was that I wanted to do, because I didn’t go to college. I wasn’t really sure. I knew I had dreams, but I didn’t know if any of them were tangible. And after I graduated high school, I left the family business.

So it was kind of like all of us girls grew up at showrooms, furniture showrooms in High Point, North Carolina, and we were setting up all… I mean, we traveled with my dad in his box truck, and we smelled like furniture blankets most of the time and saw dust. We all… and dust furniture, and knew what types of products to use at too young of an age. So I knew I wanted to do something, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it was that I wanted to do. So that kind of gives you a little bit of my background and my history of my upbringing

Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Seems like one of the other things I read is you also had a love of music that kind of is one of the strands that led to what you do, at least to a degree. So just talk about where music falls. I mean, I get you’re an entrepreneur, but where does music fall in that kind of Eryn Eddy things I love to do kind of mix?

Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. Music came… My grandfather was a musician. He played guitar and sang, and he had his own vinyl record, and he produced hymns. I actually have his vinyl record from when he recorded, and so music definitely came from my grandfather, and about 15, I got involved at a church and started singing, and then I started doing cover songs, and then I started discovering, “Oh, I have a good voice.” And people like it. They respond to it. They are surprised by it. It’s a little bit deeper, soulful voice, and I’m 4’11, so people are like, “Oh, wow.” It kind of surprises them what comes out, and with my love for poetry and my interest in learning how I can use my vocal chords, I started to just dream a little bit about recording my own music instead of doing other people’s songs. I wondered if I was capable of recording, and that was after I graduated high school.

So I started as an… Well, I started doing grunt work at a nonprofit. I begged them for this job. While I’m doing that, I’m doing music by night, so I’m recording music, writing songs, coming up with a band. I was newly married, and I remember when I decided to go from singing cover songs to singing my original work, I was terrified. And I think anybody listening that’s ever pursued something creatively, I think they’ll understand this. I was terrified because it would be my original stuff, which made me more susceptible to people judging me, and if it was somebody else’s song, they can judge it, and they can listen to it or not, but because it’s my own, they can look at it, and pick it apart, and they’re picking apart parts of my soul. It’s my writing. It came out of me.

So I learned that I amidst that, despite that, I loved singing, and I loved writing, and so I got a little bit more vulnerable and a little bit more vulnerable, recording, playing shows, and then just looking at doors that I could walk through that would be willing to put my music on television shows and commercials, and that’s just kind of how my music career started taking shape. I was newly married and because of that, I didn’t want to go on tour, because I knew tour life would be really hard being newly married. So I’m like, “Okay, there’s another way that I can make this sustainable, where I can be at my house, and that was when I started getting into licensing my music.

Warwick Fairfax:

And it seemed like, I mean, you were very successful. You I guess had a bunch of music tracks on Tumblr, which obviously at the time was one of the apps of choice for music. And I think you were commercials and did some tracks for Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I mean, you were really doing terrifically, so it would seem like, gosh, Eryn Eddy has this great story. She’s an entrepreneur. She was successful, is successful. What a great story, right?

Eryn Eddy:

Yeah.

Warwick Fairfax:

It sounds fantastic. It sounds like a sort of a Disneyland picture.

Eryn Eddy:

People thought I was killing it, Warwick. Well, I signed with VH1, MTV, Lifetime, Oxygen channel for my music, and that happened just so organically. I just put myself out there and just walked through doors, honestly, that just flew open, and I don’t want to say I just was lucky. I think I was just strategic in where I was placing my energy, and I think people will see as “overnight success.” I just don’t believe it’s an overnight thing, because I think it started when I started to be vulnerable in my journals at 12 that I finally got to have some music on television and be licensed to commercials and things like that in my mid-twenties.

So I had my music blog on Tumblr and put my home address on my Tumblr blog, and I asked people, I said, “Mail me your personal shirt. I’ll spray paint an empowering phrase,” because all my music was empowering. So just kind of went in with this concept of me creating music and talking to my fans through my blog. I was like, “Hey, mail me one of your shirts. I’ll spray paint that you’re so worth loving, and I’ll mail it back to you for free.” And I was doing that with my business is now, So Worth Loving. So I thought I was going to do music 100%, but that wasn’t the case. There were bigger plans, and So Worth Loving, spray painting t-shirts for free, and reminding people of their worth and their love, that they’re loved, and receiving people’s shirts that just came into my mailbox.

I was so surprised that people needed to be reminded of this message. That’s what I realized. This is something so much bigger than music. This is a lifestyle and a way of thinking, and I want to remind people of that for the rest of my life.

Warwick Fairfax:

Let’s talk about that phrase, because in the book you write there were some other things you were trying to play with like, “You are beautiful. Shine bright.” You say that you feel like it’s divinely inspired. So talk about what made you center on So Worth Loving? Because shine bright and you are beautiful, I mean, obviously I think you’re… I mean, so worth loving is just epically fantastic. I mean, it’s just incredible, but why that phrase versus a number of other positive phrases you could have written on a T-shirt?

Eryn Eddy:

It’s a great question. I had to get to the root of why I even wanted to empower and encourage other people. So when I started playing with phrases, I was like, “Well, why do I want to tell people that they’re beautiful, or that they don’t shine too bright, or they’re not too much?” One the reasons why I wanted to remind people in general something encouraging and empowering was because I was so encouraged and empowered when people believed in my art and wanted to share it. It was such a gift to me. I couldn’t believe people were sharing my music, and it was going viral, and it was being picked up. What an honor.

And so when it came to me wanting to remind somebody else, and gift them belief, and remind them of something that is true about who they are, I got down to it that they’re loved, and they’re not just loved. They’re worthy of being loved, and they’re worthy of making healthy choices for themselves. And the one thing that I learned and have continued to learn in my journey is that when we believe that we’re worth loving, and we’re worthy of love, the decisions that we make are different. Relationships that we go into, relationships that we say, “Yes,” and, “No,” to, in dating, and friendship, the boundaries that we put in place with our parents, the careers that we choose or don’t choose because we don’t believe we’re deserving, or we do believe that we’re worthy. And so I think these words, I can craft all of this so eloquently now, but then I think the root was that I just wanted to remind people that they’re not just worth loving. They are absolutely so worth loving.

And it just came to my mind almost like a pressing whisper that wasn’t of me. And I remember thinking, “Wow, that has to already exist,” because that’s how powerful it impacted me when it came to my mind, and it wasn’t because I was so smart. I definitely believe it was outside of myself is where these words came from. When I started thinking, “Why do I want to remind people that they’re beautiful? Well, I want to actually remind them that they’re loved. Why do I want to remind them that they’re loved? Because they’re worthy of love. Well, why do I want to remind them that they’re worthy of…” So it just was like this progression.

And I just remember Googling, as any entrepreneur does, going to Google and being like, “Are all the domains available, and where can I… Have I seen this on a billboard, and is this in my subconscious?” I thought maybe this is in my subconscious, and I’ve seen it somewhere, or I have a shirt that already says this, and none of it existed. And I thought, “This is so much bigger than me, and this is something that I’m to steward, and learn how to do that, and go through the ups and downs.”

Gary Schneeberger:

And one of the things I love when you and I talked first is you mentioned that there are a number of lifestyle brands out there whose mottoes are good, whose slogans are good, but they tend to be rooted in actions people should take. I, for instance, walking through an airport bought a hat that says, “Be good to people,” right? But it’s an action you take. Where you landed, where you wanted to land is at a place that is not an action someone takes, but a truth that they accept, which as you expressed it, sort of moved you even more than the poetry of the words, this idea that they don’t have to do anything. You are loved because you are loved.

That’s a critical piece of this, and I want to ask this question, because the series here is called Burn the Ships, right? We’re trying to spotlight folks who’ve been courageous enough for whatever reason to pivot off of what they had thought they were going to do, and they went somewhere else. You pivoted from music into this brand, So Worth Loving. I have to believe those things are connected a little bit. If you didn’t internalize that you were so worth loving, that probably would’ve been a more difficult pivot, wouldn’t it?

Eryn Eddy:

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think for the long longest time, I actually… One of the reasons why I wanted to gift this phrase to other people and remind them was because I can look back and go, “I actually really, really struggled with believing that I had value, and an offering, and that I had a purpose,” and it came from some childhood stuff with a relative and words that were spoken over me. So I think in some ways as much as I was gifting other people, because I believe that for my friends and for people I don’t know, I also think that I just desperately wanted to believe it about myself, that I was worthy of love, and that I didn’t have to perform, and I didn’t have to look a certain way or be a certain way in order to be loved and in order to have an offering or value.

Which is interesting because when I look back, on my childhood with my mom and my dad, as y’all heard earlier, my dad empowered us, and it just goes to show that if we don’t pay attention to these little lies, whether it’s something that society says over us, whether it’s a lie that someone spoke over us that sounded so true, and you could almost confirm the lie, which I have found myself doing. I will have confirmed a lie with another lie, but it feels so true. I think that I can look back and go, “I had done that a lot. I made a lot of agreements with lies that weren’t true, and I desperately wanted to believe that I was worthy of love.”

Warwick Fairfax:

One of the things we talk about all the time on Beyond the Crucible and I talk about is that often our purpose comes out of the ashes of your crucible. You’re so passionate about So Worth Loving because it feels like for so many years you struggled to believe that about yourself, and even as you were launching it, I think I read it wasn’t like you felt like you were quite there yet, but maybe it’s aspirational. You’re on the journey, and so you wanted other people to feel what you were trying to feel, and I just think of the reverse, as you were saying. If you think that you are not worth loving, that you’re broken, that you’re awful, that you’re ugly, that you are unwanted, almost biblically a Leper, unclean, then that leads to a lot of bad choices, bad thoughts. It just leads to a very dark place.

Eryn Eddy:

I love what you shared earlier. It was So Worth Loving, as much as I started it, it wasn’t because I had arrived to believe that I was worthy of love, but it was that I wanted to remind other people, partially because I wanted to believe it about myself, partially because I wasn’t as connected to my story. So it was easier for me to communicate it. And now it’s ironically, it’s easier and it’s harder because I now know what it’s like to be on the other… It’s like there’s a lamenting and a pain that comes attached to that phrase that back then there wasn’t that to the same level of depth. Does that make sense?

Warwick Fairfax:

It does. I feel like we’re all on a journey, but you believe that now. You believe Eryn Eddy is so worth loving, right?

Eryn Eddy:

Yeah.

Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, I think it’s hard as humans, hard to be there 100%, because we all have doubts, and fears, and anxieties, but vastly more than years ago, that would be true that you really do believe that. I’m not just making light of it. It’s not just a t-shirt. It’s something you believe about yourself.

Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. So after my divorce, you would think that it’s like, “Okay, I’m now worth loving,” this like… And that was not the case for me. I actually dove into dating really quickly, destructive choices, just when I say that when you believe you’re worthy of love, the decisions that you make look different. They do. And so they look different if you don’t believe it, and they look different if you do believe it. And for me, I didn’t believe it, and so I ran away from myself. I didn’t want to be with just myself. I wanted to be with other people. I didn’t know what it was like to be independent, and love, and value just me. I mean, I met my former husband when I was 17, and I was married by 21, so singleness was really uncomfortable for me.

And in addition, I had a lot of baggage of lies that I believed about myself, and then stuff that came within the marriage of being on the other side of another person and their lack of believing that they are loved and the decisions that they chose because of that lack of love. And so it wasn’t until I got exhausted of my own choices and not believing. I remember there was a night I was burned out. I was burned out on work, friendship, dating, life. I didn’t want to exist. I didn’t want to hurt myself, but I didn’t want to exist because everything around me just felt like it was crushing me, and I could not imagine anything getting better anytime soon. And I remember taking a bath and sinking into the tub where my face is just showing. If any women are listening, I don’t know how many men take baths like this, but they just…

Warwick Fairfax:

I hear you.

Eryn Eddy:

I just sunk into the tub, and my thoughts were so loud, and I just sat there, and I was just like, “Gosh, I want everything to be different. How do I get out of this? How do I change my life?” And changing my life was believing that I’m valued, and that I’m loved, and that I have purpose. And when I believe that, I actually can serve, and be selfless, and be active in community, and show up, and just show up in hard spaces. For so long I had battled with So Worth Loving people believing that self-love is selfish, and so it’s the actual complete opposite. It’s when you know you’re valued, and you know that you’re loved, you do show up differently in your friends’ lives, and in your community, and in your family with compassion and grace, and you’re not flinched by somebody going through something.

You can be there for them because you’ve been there for you. And that moment was the awakening for me of it, and my life did not get better once I decided to believe I was worthy of love. I had to go through a lot of stuff in order, therapy was one of them, to believe it, but that’s kind of how So Worth Loving became awakened within me and me believing it.

Warwick Fairfax:

So what was the key to that? Because I get it, you had these negative self-talk, performance, it sounds like some challenging things with your first husband. And then I think you wrote in the book there was, I don’t know, a year or so after the divorce, there was a relationship where the guy says, “I can’t get there,” or something, and then rejection after rejection. It’s like, “How much do they want to pile on me?” It’s like come on. I mean, it’s just mountains. I mean, what was the key, the anchor that started you believing that you were worth loving? What was that key for you?

Eryn Eddy:

Well, the relationship, the first chapter I talk about how it was my first serious relationship out of my divorce, and I was with my former husband for about 13 years. So it was this relationship there was… Basically when it came to an end, and all my baggage I talk about comes forward, and I remember I wanted to be with him, so badly wanted to be with this relationship that ended, when he told me, “I just can’t get there, Eryn.” I just remember thinking, “Where is there? Where is there? Does that mean you can’t get to loving me?” And so I was crushed by those words, “I can’t get there.”

And I remember after that, “I can’t get there,” I wanted to be with him, but I couldn’t, because he didn’t want to be with me. I didn’t want to date anybody else. So I’m stuck with me, and I didn’t want to be with me. I wanted to be with him, and that was when that was the moment where it was like, “Oh. Eryn, why don’t you want to be with you? What is wrong with you?” Not like what is wrong with you, but also maybe, but what do you think is so wrong with you that you can’t just enjoy you?

And so I decided, I committed to taking a year off dating, and date myself, and get to know myself, and treat myself with kindness, and that looked like not drinking a bottle of wine by myself. It looked like crawling out of bed to brush my teeth, which was a big feat for me, because I fell into this state of depression, and the depression really was this… I remember my therapist telling me it was suppressed anger. I was so angry, and I had been performing my way through anger and ignoring and denying it. I suppressed all this. And the anger was I’m mad at him for doing this. I’m mad at them for saying this. I’m mad at me for doing this. I’m mad.

It was like I was so angry, but I’m a very optimistic, naturally glass full, not empty type of personality, and so it was hard for me to get to my anger and access it. And so once I gave myself permission to get angry, that to me communicated to me that my feelings mattered, so whoever told me that my feelings didn’t, I’m telling myself that they do. And that was on my path to discovering and recognizing that I am worthy of love, and I’m worthy to get to know, and I can do that with just me. And part of it, part of my story is there’s a faith component.

I remember crying out to God in that moment in the bathtub with the water kind of half covering my face, just crying out and being like, “God, if you are who you say you are, where were you in all of this stuff that happened? Where were you when they did this? Where were you when she said that? Where were you when… Where were you?” And that permission to be angry at other people and the permission to be angry at God, because I was really angry at God, was the beginning of me to learning that I am worthy of love, and that I have value, and my feelings and who I am are worth getting to know, because God’s didn’t flinch when I did that.

Warwick Fairfax:

And maybe the realization that God really does love you and believing that.

Eryn Eddy:

Absolutely. It was His response to me was when I realized I can show up, and I can be my fullest self, and that looks like a mess with a lot of baggage and a lot of anger, and He shows me by His response for bringing… I get emotional talking about it, because it’s so tender. Every time I talk about this part of my story, no matter how many interviews I’ve done on it, I cry.

Warwick Fairfax:

It’s all good.

Eryn Eddy:

But He surrounded me with people that believed that I was worthy of love and mirrored back to me what I had struggled to believe, and He also just did some miraculous little things that are between me and Him that you can’t unsee, and you cannot unbelieve.

Gary Schneeberger:

And around the same time, you’re sending out these T-shirts, and you’re getting letters from people. And talk a little bit about, I mean, what was in those letters, and what did those letters speak to you about how you were on the right path? You had taken a torch to your singing career in the sense of that wasn’t your primary pursuit. So Worth Loving was your primary pursuit. You send out these t-shirts. You’re at this place where you believe that you yourself are so worth loving. Now you’re getting feedback from the people you’re helping, from the community you’ve just begun to build. What was that like? What did you hear back from them, and how did that help you on your journey?

Eryn Eddy:

I love that question, because the So Worth Loving community is so brave because the So Worth Loving community is so vulnerable, and I think it’s just in order to be vulnerable, you are brave. And so I would receive letters of people telling me why they felt unworthy of love, whether it was that their father never hugged them all growing up in their childhood, and they just… Affection, physical affection. They felt like they were undeserving of somebody just giving an embrace, a hold, a hug, to stories of people telling me… I remember one of the women on our team, she’s served on our team for about nine years, and her story is absolutely beautiful, and she was one of the first letters I’d ever received. And she was sexually abused at 11. She was raped at 12. She had an abortion from her rape, and she had overcome an eating disorder, suicidal ideation, and self harm, and she has just a resiliency.

And I think that’s what I saw in a letter, whether it was my dad never hugged me, or whatever it may be, whether it was “severe” or not severe to that person, it’s not for us to decide what is severe, and what’s not, and that’s one thing that I saw, because regardless, it’s crushing, and your circumstance does hurt, and it aches, and it tells you something about yourself, whether there’s a truth that comes to it or a lie that comes to it, but what I learned was that there’s this resiliency that takes place in any story that we’ve ever received, and what’s within resiliency is questions, and the question is, “Am I worthy of love?” And then it’s trying to understand why you are, and I think that is so brave, and that’s what So Worth Loving gifted me, because I saw all these stories of people questioning, asking questions, and processing something that hurt them and harmed them, whether it was a lie, like I said earlier. They’re looking at it in the face.

And so for me, in my moment of just burnout, and breakdown, and not wanting to exist anymore, I can reflect back and go, “Our community would look at it in the face and be scared doing it, and then address it, and ask questions, and go on the journey of healing.” And that’s what So Worth Loving community modeled for me. They taught me, our community, which is everybody, because everybody is worthy of love. So we’re not this exclusive crew. It’s just what has evolved over the last decade. They taught me to look at it, and be curious, and ask questions with safe people, and that’s why I say I’ve seen people have conversations with safe individuals and groups, and I’ve seen lives transformed because of it, and that transformed my life with that being modeled for me.

Warwick Fairfax:

And what does it feel like when people say, “Eryn,” as I’m sure they do, “You’ve changed my life. You’ve helped me. You’ve given me a drop of grace when I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe I was worth loving, and I believed I shouldn’t exist, but I believe maybe I do. Maybe I am worth loving,”? What does it do to you when people say, “You’ve changed my life,” because I’m sure people have said that to you?

Eryn Eddy:

I have heard those words, and I have had a hard time receiving them due to the fact that I don’t believe that I invented worth, or value, or love. And so there’s a piece of me that struggles with embracing that, but in the same lane, I also am very honored that my messiness and my baggage is being redeemed by me being vulnerable, and sharing my struggles and my failures, and seeing a life being changed out of what I thought was going to ruin me, and what I thought I couldn’t ever come out of. When somebody says my story has changed them, my response is always, “All of our stories change each other. I just have an opportunity to be vocal about it in the space that I’m being placed in.”

That’s what’s so beautiful about each of our stories is I think there’s a stewardship to it, because we all struggle with believing something that can be a slow drip to seeing our value and our worth, and we don’t drift into a healthy direction. I really believe that. We don’t just drift to it. It’s like an accumulation of things that we believe about ourselves is how we go into a space of health.

Gary Schneeberger:

I’m going to jump in, Warwick, before you say what you’re going to say, because I saw you with that look of recognition on your face.

I would not be serving the listeners to this podcast well, as well as I want to, if I didn’t point out what to me is breathtakingly obvious. The stories that you’re telling, Eryn, and the stories that Warwick has shared on this show over close to 150 episodes are incredibly similar. I’m reading from your webpage, “We exist to remind you that no matter your history, past mistakes, career choice, relationship status, or the history you’ve come from, you are worthy of love.” That could be with a slight modification at the end, none of that defines you, that could be on Beyond the Crucible website. The words that you use to describe your experiences are remarkably similar, and your stories are remarkably dissimilar.

That’s the beauty of this forum. That’s the beauty of recognizing that your worst moment doesn’t define you. Your worst feelings about yourself don’t define you. Some things just are, and So Worth Loving is one thing that just is just as being able to move beyond your crucible just is if you learn the lessons, and you apply it. So I’m done pontificating on behalf of the listener, and I turn it back over to you, Warwick, the host.

Warwick Fairfax:

No. Well, well said Gary, extremely well said. Obviously, I’ve been thinking that the whole time I read the book and the whole time we’ve been talking, but obviously I wanted you to share your story and not me just go on, but I mean, I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I mean, to me, part of my journey has been a journey of self-acceptance, a journey that I’m okay. I know that somebody wrote a song a long time ago, I think maybe it was a Christian song called Broken and Beautiful, something like that, and then that theme has obviously come up elsewhere.

And I love that phrase because for me as, again, listeners would know growing up in a large family media business, heir apparent, my notion was my desire is irrelevant. It’s all about duty and living up to my parents’, especially my father’s dreams, and working hard at school, getting good grades, Oxford, Wall Street, Harvard Business School, I mean all about… None of it was about my own desires. It was all about fulfilling what I thought was a sacred duty. I mean, not to go on too much, but the company was founded by a believer, the strongest businessman for Christ as I have ever come across. Now, the faith became more traditional with the generations, so then when it all ended and after my $2 million takeover failed, and my wife is American, we moved to America in the early nineties, there was this sense of how could I have been so dumb, and incredible self incrimination, and how could I have caused this much damage?

And so for me, it was coming to a sense of self-acceptance. It’s okay to be me. Yes, I’ve made some mistakes. I have my quirks. When things like that happen, it does have consequences. There’s damage. I’m pretty functional. I had my own share of counseling, but part of the journey that we all go through is just being comfortable in our own skins, being comfortable with who we are. Obviously, for you, you write about this, being comfortable being a slight build and 4’11, and you probably are now, but there was a time in which why couldn’t I been a tad taller, 5’3, 5’4, 5’2, something? So I get it. I mean for me, without boring with it all, I’m not unathletic, but I’ve never really been an athlete.

It’s funny, when we first got married, my wife was one of six, so she is four brothers and a sister, and they’re all over six feet, and they’re athletes, and it’s like that was not me. So fortunately my wife, Gail, that wasn’t high on her list to marry some six foot plus athlete, fortunately, but I’m somebody that I don’t like competition. A lot of guys just razzing each other and having a bet on a dollar hole in golf, I hate that. So there’s things about me that feel like, “Well, I don’t know any guy that’s like me that hates competition.” Maybe there are. We don’t need to psychoanalyze it.

I’m sure there are reasons, but it’s like I’m now over 60. It’s like that’s okay. I have areas where I’m broken. There are things I hate doing, like I don’t like competition. I don’t like that whole sort of thing. That’s okay. I can live with that. I’m not going to go into intense therapy to try and heal my anti competitiveness. That’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve accepted it. There was a time when I just felt terrible about myself over things like that, over lies. So anyway, enough about me, but I guess part of the journey for all of us is just self-acceptance that I am worth loving, that I am okay. I mean, I’m blessed to be married to a girl I met a lot of years ago. We’ve been married over 30 years, and I accept her. She accepts me, and I mean, that’s just an indescribable gift that every day, and obviously that’s where I tear up. There’s not one day that I don’t say, “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, God.” Not one day.

Again, too much talking. My dad was married three times, my mother twice, so I don’t take that for granted. So anyway, all that’s to say is there’s this notion of being broken but beautiful. Yes, we have our quirks, we have our issues, but yet God still loves us. We are worth loving despite our brokenness. Does that make sense? And forgive the long-winded explanation, but does that make sense, Eryn?

Eryn Eddy:

Absolutely. That’s so beautiful. That’s so beautifully said. And self-acceptance, you’re right. It’s like if we can just go, “This is just how I am, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” As hard as I will work to be structured, I’m just not wired that way, and my sweet man is very structured, and I’m grateful that he just accepts the fact that I am a little bit messy, but you’re right, self-acceptance. When you shared just being with somebody that can accept you for who you are, they model what you want to do for yourself, and it’s to accept who you are, and to not have to explain it. You’re right. I mean, I stopped growing in fifth grade, and that’s probably when – I repeated fifth grade too, so a lot happened in fifth grade. Lots of things happened in me desiring to be taller, or look a certain way, or be wired mentally a certain way, that if we can all just go, “You know what? Whatever society says is the best of the best is not true,” we can have more freedom to embrace who we are.

Gary Schneeberger:

We’re at a point in the show where I normally say, “The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign, which indicates it’s about time to land the plane, but we’re not quite there yet.” Because the title of the series is Burn the Ships, I’ve got to think of a better metaphor involving captains of ships. I don’t know what they do when it’s time to dock, but I’ll research that for the next time. Two things I want to say before I then hand it back over to Warwick. One is this, I’ve co-hosted with Warwick about 145, 148 of these, and I’m going to end saying something to you, and I’m going to do it without looking at my notes, and I want to look right in your face and tell you this. When you burned your ships, you lit the seas for others, and that is a beautiful, beautiful, important, resonant thing. Please absorb that, because that’s come through loud and clear in this conversation.

Eryn Eddy:

Thank you so much, Gary. I receive that. I’m going to have you email that to me too, so I can write that down, because that was beautiful.

Gary Schneeberger:

I will do that. The other thing that I have to end on here before I get off stage, as it were, is I would be absolutely remiss if I did not give our listeners the opportunity to hear from you how they can find out more about So Worth Loving. So where can they find you in the worldwide web? How can they get ahold of you and find out more about So Worth Loving?

Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. They can go to Soworthloving.com. And then we’re all on social media. It’s all So Worth Loving, and then I’m a co-host to a podcast called God Hears Her where we talk about conversations and questions on if God actually hears us, and that’s been a real joy of mine as well. So you can find us there too, or me, find me there. You can also find me, Eryn Eddy, E-R-Y-N E-D-D-Y on Instagram, Facebook, all those places.

Gary Schneeberger:

Awesome. Well, as a bravo for co-hosts of a podcast, bravo for us, because I finally met another co-host that’s excellent. Warwick, as the host, it’s your prerogative to take us home, to land the plane, so take it away.

Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Eryn, thank you so much. I mean, this is really inspiring. Your book was inspiring. I could relate to so much of it, certainly in my own life. I imagine in yours there are words like redemption, healing, I don’t know, acceptance. There’s all sorts of words. I mean we all have even as we’re doing well, there are still days in which maybe we fall off the wagon, if you will, or a bad thought comes in, a lie, and we now have tools to deal with it, so we bounce back a little quicker, hopefully, but I mean, I feel like your story is one of redemption, is calling lies what they are, lies, being able to use your brokenness, your wounds to help others, and that to me is where it’s really a purpose of God, purpose filled journey.

I remember early on in my walk back in the early nineties, a friend gave me this… It was a faith-based book. I think it was… Somehow I remember the author, R.T. Kendall. It was about the story of Joseph, and there’s that famous line at the end of, I don’t know, it’s like Genesis 50, somewhere around there in which it says, “They meant it for evil, but God meant it for good,” and obviously some would know the backstory is Joseph’s brothers threw him literally in a pit, and then he was sold into slavery, and went to Egypt, and ended up being the pharaoh’s right-hand man, prime minister, if you will, but God had a purpose with that pain, and I think God had a purpose and the pain I went through, and clearly from my faith perspective, God had a purpose in the pain that you’ve gone through.

You think how many women, how many people wouldn’t have been helped if you hadn’t gone through. So if you say, “Well, why don’t I have to go through all this?” Well, maybe we see through a glass dimly. Maybe you’ll get a fuller answer one day. I think you will. And look at all the people that you’ve helped, and that was my purpose, and the sense that just how much healing and hope, and that’s part of why I do what I do and you do what you do is I share what I’ve been through not to sort of wallow in gloom and darkness, but just to try and give people hope.

And so people are going to be listening to this and say, “If Eryn can come back from what she’s been through, maybe there is hope. Maybe I am worth loving.” So as we sometimes often do just, there may be people listening, women, men, who may feel like today is their worst day. They may feel like, “Nobody loves me. I’m not worth loving. I will never be worth loving. I’m broken. I’m awful. I shouldn’t exist.” What word of hope would you give to that person? Maybe today’s their worst day. Maybe they think “There’s no way I could ever be worth loving.” What word of hope would you give that person?

Eryn Eddy:

To the person that’s listening right now that is in that headspace of just feeling like they don’t want to exist, maybe feeling completely weighted down by the choices that they’ve made, or words that somebody said over them, or a circumstance that they’re currently in, I do want to remind that person that this moment right now is temporary. It’s not your forever, and there are safe people around you that want to help carry the weight, and you can’t do it alone, and you aren’t alone. And I just want to remind that person that celebrate the little victories, and don’t be critical or hard on yourself if you can’t… What feels like would be a big step, and you can’t do the big step, don’t worry about the big step. Do the small steps, because the small steps will be an accumulation of a big step.

And so that could look like it’s hard to get out of bed. Make a goal to get out of bed and brush your teeth, and let that be the victory today. Wherever you are right now, and whatever you choose right now is enough, and keep making small steps, and find the safe people to share, so that they can help carry the weight. And I would just remind them too, that they are absolutely worthy of love. They are valued, and they have a place here in this world, and we want you to take up space, because you are worthy to do that just as you are right now in your mess.

Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough, way longer than enough to know when the last word on the subject has been spoken, and, Eryn Eddy, you’ve just spoken it. Listener, until the next time we’re together, remember we are in the midst of a series that we’re calling Burn the Ships, and there’s a central truth that came out of this conversation with Eryn that will come out of the conversations we have subsequent to this, and that’s this, if your ships are not sailing in the direction you wish they were sailing, if you feel like you are drifting off course, light a match. We’ll see you next week.

Hi, friends. You heard during that show Warwick and I talk about our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance. We wanted to give you one more chance before this week is over to sign up for that course if you’re interested. All you have to do is go to Secondactsignificance.com, and as a bonus, if you go before the end of February, you’ll save 23% off the price of the course. Just input the code 23 for 23. We hope you enjoy it, and we’ll see you next week.