
Applying the Actionable Truths 1: Crucibles
Warwick Fairfax
January 28, 2025
Our yearlong examination of the actionable truths that will guide you along the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap begins with a discussion of where your journey from setback to significance begins: your crucible. We look at what you need to do to reach the point where you understand it didn’t happen to you but happened for you.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and be sure to subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Transcript
Warwick Fairfax:
Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I’m Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible. A crucible is something that is so painful that it fundamentally alters the trajectory of your life. There was a life before the crucible, and there’s your life afterwards. Typically, you are never the same after that crucible.
Gary Schneeberger:
That will be a painful and can be a pivotal thing, an inflection point in your life’s journey that can set you on the road to what we believe is the most fulfilling destination yet: a life of significance. In this first episode of our Series Within the Show, unpacking the actionable truths that help you navigate the Beyond the Crucible roadmap, we’ll help you see the hopeful perspective, that your crucible didn’t happen to you, it happened for you.
Well, friends, we’re excited that you’re with us today, because today, we’re going to talk about our refreshed way, it’s not entirely new, but it is laser focused, to helping you get from your worst day to your greatest opportunity. It’s what we’ve dubbed the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap. This is how we describe it. I’m going to read it straight from the notes here. How we help people turn their worst day into their greatest opportunity.
We provide the essential actionable truth to inspire hope, enable, and equip them to write their own life-affirming story. That’s what we’re going to talk about today. Last week, we talked about the big picture of how we built it. Now, we’re going to talk about the first actionable truth. It’s all tied to this roadmap that we built from our proprietary statistically valid research into how people experience crucibles, and what we’ve learned from our experience and the experience of our podcast guests about what it takes to turn a trial into a triumph.
The most revolutionary news to us is that in analyzing this roadmap, we’ve identified what we are calling, as I said, the actionable truths of the brand. To pass these life-changing truths along to you, our listeners and viewers, this year, we’re going to do something similar to what we did last year with our Series Within the Show, we called it, which featured stories from Warwick’s book, it’s right here, Crucible Leadership. We’re going to do the same sort of thing here in 2025.
We’re going to go through each of the 10 actionable truths, one per month, and explore the ways they can help you make your way through the roadmap. Again, I’m never used to talking this much in an episode, so I have to catch myself, or catch my breath or something. Everybody wants to hear from you, Warwick, and the first question I have for you is to help level set folks to our discussion of the first of these truths. Let me just ask you straight up, why did we call these actionable truths? What do we mean by that?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, it’s a good question, Gary. Just to expand a bit more on what we’ve been talking about, at Beyond the Crucible, our focus has always been how do you get beyond your worst day to lead a life of significance, which we define as a life on purpose dedicated to serving others? How do you get out of the pit of your worst day? With all the research, quantitative and qualitative, and the work we’ve done in our Turner Plus episodes on the podcast, we’ve developed what we now call the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap: how you go from trial, in other words, crucible, to triumph, which we define as a life of significance.
As you’re moving along the journey from your worst day to a better life, a more fulfilling life that’s focused on others, we’ve found that there are 10 actionable truths, and we think of them as catalysts. They help you move along the journey from that worst day to your life-affirming vision. In other words, when you achieve that vision, you’re living a life of significance. In a sense, we believe that these actionable truths, they’re implicit in our work. If you look at the chapter headings in my book, Crucible Leadership, you’ll find things-
Gary Schneeberger:
This book right here, sorry.
Warwick Fairfax:
Exactly.
Gary Schneeberger:
Book right here, Crucible Leadership.
Warwick Fairfax:
You’ll find things like authenticity, vision, perseverance, a number of the actionable truths that we’ll talk about. What we’re doing here is we’re actually talking about them more, because they’re so critical in moving from trials to triumph.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, and I don’t think we can accentuate that enough, that this is not brand new stuff, but it is groundbreaking stuff in the sense that in the first episode that we did on this, Warwick, you made the point of saying that it’s truth, yes, but it’s truth in action is where the rubber meets the road, where the crucibles get overcome, moved beyond. I think that’s a critical emphasis, why we call them actionable truths.
It is, to your point, I don’t think we can say it enough as we talk about it. This is not really new stuff, it’s just a fresh perspective on the stuff we’ve always talked about. That’s fair, isn’t it?
Warwick Fairfax:
It really is. I like the emphasis you’re putting on truth and action. That’s a great way to phrase it. You could say, “Yeah, I believe in being honest, but in my life, I tend not to be honest, like ever. Perseverance, absolutely, I highly value perseverance, but the first line of trouble, I give up.” Those are not actionable truths, or those are meaningless truths. A truth is only a truth to you if you actually live it. They’re probably not truths at all.
We think these actionable truths, as we’ve been talking about, they’re accelerators, they’re enablers to move from trial to triumph from your worst state of life and significance. I think you could make a case that without these actionable truths, you may never get out of the pit. You almost certainly won’t live that life-affirming vision that you’ve always wanted to live, a life of significance, as you put it, a life of triumph, which is, in a sense, how we define a life of triumph.
When you think about it, and we’ll talk more about today’s actionable truth in a moment, but without perseverance, without authenticity, without vision, so many of the things we’re going to talk about, how do you really move ahead in a meaningful way? I don’t think you do.
Gary Schneeberger:
All right, there is the preamble for what we’re talking about here today, folks. Now, the meat is what is the first actionable truth? The first actionable truth is, and this is where we need in post-production, we need like a ding-ding-ding or something when I say it, because the first actionable truth is crucible. This is where the process starts. It starts with the crucible, and that goes all the way back.
That first truth goes all the way back to, for the third time, your book, Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life of Significance. You use that word crucible for a reason. We’ve used that word crucible, we named the podcast Beyond the Crucible. What, for our purposes, Warwick, is a crucible, and why is it relevant to what we’re discussing, what people go through after a setback?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, Gary. Crucible is really the defining concept that we have. The book is called Crucible Leadership. Our podcast is called Beyond the Crucible. A crucible is something that is so painful that it fundamentally alters the trajectory of your life. There was a life before the crucible, and there’s your life afterwards. Typically, you are never the same after that crucible. It’s really essential to what we’re talking about is how do you get beyond your crucible? How do you get beyond your worst day?
The challenge that we all have is when you go through a crucible that’s so excruciating, how do you get beyond it? How do you not let your worst day to find the rest of your life? It happens. You might have a friend or a family member in which you might say, “It’s so sad to say, but their crucible, it really did their lives. They weren’t the same. Their spirit wasn’t the same. The way they treated others, it just, they never emotionally or spiritually recovered. They never got beyond it.”
What our mission here is to help people get beyond their worst day. Yeah, a crucible, it’s painful. We understand that, but how do you figure a way to be able to move on from that terrible experience?
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, and one of the ways that we’ve talked about a lot, and it’s baked into this actionable truth, and all of the actionable truths, actually, is this idea that we’ve said many, many, many times: your crucible didn’t happen to you, it happened for you. That is really a great way to think about this first actionable truth is that part of the action to take is to understand, it didn’t happen to you, it happened for you, which is critically important.
One of the things I’m going to do here, Warwick, when we do every one of these, is I’m going to try to give a dictionary definition of what our actionable truth is, and I’m going to use, when I do that, folks, because it’s my favorite dictionary, I’m going to hold it up here. It’s big, it’s heavy. It’s the American Dictionary of the English Language by Noah Webster from 1828. It’s his first ever dictionary.
There’s just some really great ways that words are defined in very foundational terms. Here’s how that dictionary describes what a crucible is. It’s a chemical vessel or melting pot made of earth, and so tempered and baked as to endure extreme heat without melting. It is used for melting ores, metals, et cetera. That’s really what happens, right? When we go through a crucible, it’s hot, it hurts, but it does refine us. That’s the reason that you chose the word crucible all the way back to your book, isn’t it?
Warwick Fairfax:
It’s so true, Gary. A crucible is yes, as you said, a cauldron of molten metal that it really separates the core, the essence from the impurities. Like with alloys, it forms something new. It creates something that wasn’t there before. Yes, it’s painful, but we believe a crucible can be refining. As you said, it didn’t happen to you, it happened for you. I would say pretty much every guest we’ve had on the podcast, yes, they may have wished what they went through hadn’t happened, but yet in another sense, they were grateful, because it made them a person that they were not before.
It gave them a mission. So many of our guests have said, “What I went through was a gift, in the sense I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t have the passion to help others.” Very often, a mission is formed out of what you went through, and you want to use that mission to help others who maybe have gone through your circumstance. It’s really, it’s painful, but there can be a blessing, a gift in that cauldron of molten metal, because it can help you become the person you never expected you would be, but are grateful for who you are.
Maybe none of us enjoy the process. Life is not easy, but having gone through the process, you want to think, well, I don’t want to have gone through this for nothing. There’s got to be a purpose to the pain. With pretty much every guest we’ve had, there has been a purpose in the pain, there has been a mission, there has, at least according to our guests, there has actually been a gift amidst the cauldron that they’ve gone through.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. I love the fact that we’ve put these actionable truths in the context of what we’re calling Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, because a roadmap gets you from point A to point B, and it doesn’t do it overnight, usually. It doesn’t do it in the first 15 seconds you pull out of the driveway, right? There’s a time period here. When we talk about understanding, it didn’t happen to you, it happened for you, please understand, folks, we’re not saying that 10 minutes after your most difficult, painful day, you’re going to land in that space.
Warwick’s correct. All of our guests have talked about this in one way or another, but for some of them, for many of them, for Warwick and for me in our own crucible experiences, it was a matter of years until we started to move in that didn’t happen to me, happened for me perspective. Don’t rush yourself through the road map, I guess is the message here. Let’s go now into, Warwick, there are three stages in our research that have shown us people experience these things after a crucible. The first one is this: limited awareness of the problem. Unpack that a little bit for folks.
Warwick Fairfax:
You often are aware that you’re in pain, but you might not be aware of the pain that you might have caused, or the circumstance might have caused to others. We’re very often focused on ourselves, not other people. As you go through the journey from trial to triumph, our hope is that your self-awareness grows, and including your self-awareness about the crucible. What happened? What was I feeling? Why did it happen? How many other people were affected? Maybe we blamed ourselves more than we should.
Yes, we might know the pain, but really, we might have a limited awareness of what happened, why it happened, how many people were affected. One of the interesting things that we found in our research is that 72% of people did say that they had a crucible that was so painful, it fundamentally transformed their life. There was the 28%, and they said they didn’t have a crucible.
What’s interesting is when we spoke to our researchers, David and Heather Lukas, they’re experts at research, they dug through the data, and cross-tabulated all sorts of data points. Their conclusion, based on the data, that 28% were in denial. Life is so tough, it’s hard to believe that nobody’s had something that was painful that it changed their life, that was very painful. The conclusion was, while everybody may have had a crucible, some people may not be as aware of it.
Maybe they’re saying, “Well, life is tough. Everybody I know has just been through a terrible circumstance. I don’t really think of it as crucible. It’s just called being alive. It’s not fun.” They might view it as almost as fatalistic mentality. Why call life a crucible? What does that mean? The first step is really being aware that you had a crucible in the first place.
Don’t discount it saying, “Well, everybody else has gone through challenging circumstances, so I don’t feel I’m special. Therefore, it’s not really a crucible, it’s just living.” Don’t discount it because you can’t move on from something if you’re in denial that it has happened. If you’re in denial that it’s changed you, and you need to be aware of that change, and make sure you’re being changed for the good, not for the worst.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah.
Warwick Fairfax:
You’ve got to be aware of the problem. You can’t deny it, and you have to be aware of the extent of the problem. You also have to be aware that this problem very often didn’t just affect you, it affected others.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. I hope people don’t, and I certainly maybe have beat myself up in my own crucible, my big crucible is that maybe I didn’t get that point quickly enough. The reality of it is, as you were talking, I started thinking about if you take it for me, if I take a really, really hard nap, I’m really out, I’ll wake up and I’ll be like, the phone will ring or something, and I’ll wake up and I’ll not know where I am for a second.
I think that’s a normal experience sometimes after a crucible. Not that you don’t know where you are, but in our research, we talk about change the trajectory of your life. That can take you from everything’s fine to everything’s not fine, and it’s not uncommon to not know, get your fingers on the full awareness of what you’re going through. That’s going to be a process pretty much every time, right?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, it’s a great point. If you’ve, you said, had a nap, and you’d been knocked unconscious, and you’re kind of waking up, you’re not thinking clearly. You’re not thinking, “Okay, I’ve got five things to do today. Got to make sure I call this person, and care for that, and do this.” You’re thinking, “Ow, what happened?” Basically. Typically, if not always, when you go through a crucible, in those first days, hours, months, your chances of making a good decision are low, between low and zero, probably.
Because you’re in such pain, you can’t think clearly. You can’t feel clearly. Spiritually, you’re typically in a bad way. Yeah, your awareness of yourself and what’s happened, all you can think of, “This pain is excruciating,” and that may be all the level of thinking that you’re going through at that point. How in the world can you be fully aware of a problem when the only thing you can think of is, “This is excruciating, this is agony?”
That’s the primary thought, rather than, “What happened? How much was it my fault? Are other people hurt? Let’s look at it. What can I learn?” You’re not thinking that. You’re just thinking, “This is agony.”
Gary Schneeberger:
Right, but here’s the good news folks. That’s not where it ends, right? The second example we have here about the way in which people experience crucibles in the aftermath of crucibles, the second example is there develops an increased awareness of the need to change. First thing is there’s a limited awareness. Then as time goes on, as healing starts to bubble up and happen, the second step then becomes increased awareness of the need to change. Talk about that a little bit.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah. It’s one thing to be aware that you’ve had a crucible. Maybe you’re even aware that other people have been affected, but it’s another thing to do something about it. In those first hours, days, months, you might be thinking, “Oh, my gosh, this is so painful. This is excruciating.” You’re not initially always thinking, “Okay, great, this is painful, but how do I get beyond it?”
Still, lastly, you’re thinking, “Well, I’m grateful for this pain because hey, it didn’t happen to me. It happened for me.” Those aren’t the initial thoughts.
Gary Schneeberger:
No, no, they’re not.
Warwick Fairfax:
We get that. It’s not like from zero to 100 in two milliseconds. That’s the roadmap. No, it takes a tad longer than that. Eventually, and it could be weeks, months, maybe years, you’ve got to make a decision that says, “Okay, how do I move beyond this? How do I get out of the pit? How do I not let my worst day define me?” There’s a reason we use that phrase so often at Beyond the Crucible, because we really don’t want anybody to feel like their worst day has defined them, nobody listening, nobody anywhere.
How do you not let it define you? You’ve got to figure out, how do I move on? How do I move from trial to triumph? How do I move from my worst day to a life of significance? One of the things we say a lot at Beyond the Crucible is life is about choices, and we have to make the choice to move on. We have to make the choice that we’re going to find a way to get out of the pit. We’re going to find a way to move forward.
It may not be easy, it may take years. We’ve got to make a choice, “Okay, I’m not going to live in this pit any longer. I’m going to find a way to move on.”
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah. The third point, I say of my own crucible, I tell people my alcoholic past, and I get sober. In my own testimony, I become a Christian. Then I tell people jokingly, “And then everything was perfect after that,” which is just simply not the case after crucibles, right? That’s why the third point here, I think, is extraordinarily helpful that our research uncovered, is the third one is fear: a resistance to change.
Why is that so prevalent in what people go through, that one step forward, one step back? It’s not always, as you have said many times, a one and done. You can pass through stage two, where you have an increased awareness for the need to change, but then stage three can make you fearful and resistant to it. Why is that third stage, what happens there and why is that important?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, change is hard. It’s often painful. Maybe you were used to the old life, but maybe that life is never going to be the same. Certainly, if you’ve had a physical crucible, there will be physical challenges that you didn’t have before. If you’re a survivor of abuse, you’ve lost a business, failed financially, maybe a marriage broke up, you’ve lost a loved one, there will be realities that you don’t understandably want to face. It’s so painful. How do you live in the new normal?
Often you’re thinking, “Well, I don’t want to live in the new normal. I’m not going to accept that what happened happened. I’m not willing to move on. I don’t want to move into this new world.” Ultimately, you can’t undo what happened, either what happened to you or what you did. You’ve got to find a way to move forward. Yes, it’s going to be hard. It’s going to be painful. You’re going to be a different person. There’s going to be a new normal.
You’ve got to accept that fact, but it’s so easy to fear the pain of the hard work that is going to be required. How do I get through today and be a different person? How does that happen? It’s not easy. We get why people fear change and just don’t want to change. What’s the alternative? Staying in the agony of the pit? That’s the alternative. You’ve got a choice. Do I want to go through the pain of change and moving on, which ultimately might lead me to triumph, to a life of significance?
There is a promise of a better tomorrow, so it’s going to be painful, but it’s pain for a reason. It’s pain for a purpose in the sense to get to a better tomorrow, to a triumph, to a life of significance. The other pain is one that leads to no hope, to eternal living in a pit. That’s a certainty if you don’t move on. Why in the world would you want to do that? Of the two pains, there’s one pain in which there’s no hope. The other pain is one in which there is hope. Make the right choice. Choose the path of potential pain that leads to hope.
Gary Schneeberger:
Our conversation takes a fascinating turn when we discuss something not talked about a lot about the pit, but first, these words from our sponsors. It’s true, isn’t it, Warwick, that sometimes in crucible situations, the pit can feel comfortable, right? It’s definitely haunting, it’s definitely difficult, but it can feel comfortable, and it’s hard to break out of.
That can be something that can knock people for a loop too is that the pit, as bad as it is, is known, and it’s comfortable in the sense that you know what you’re getting there, right?
Warwick Fairfax:
It’s such a good point, Gary. I think of that movie that’s set in Maine, the Shawshank Redemption, and there’s a scene in that movie where a prisoner gets released and he can’t handle being released. In fact, so much is his inner turmoil, he actually commits suicide. It is not uncommon for prisoners when they’re being released to find a way to commit a crime to get back inside. It’s the new normal for them. They’re used to the pit.
Sometimes, as hard as it may be to understand, we’re used to who we are in that pit. There may be some people that have grown up in a circumstance in which being in a crucible is the only life they’ve ever lived. We’ve known people in which there was never a before the crucible. The crucible was always what was.
There’s a tendency in which we don’t like to go into the world of the unfamiliar, and so we’re used to the crucible, and we do understand that, but you may be used to it, it may be comfortable in a sense, but don’t you want to live in a better tomorrow where there’s hope, where you’re helping others? Not just focused on your own understandable agony and pain, where you triumph, where you lead a life of significance?
We want you to live a better and more fulfilling tomorrow, and we think that’s the better choice. Yes, there’ll be pain, but just think, do you really want to be comfortable in agony, as opposed to maybe it’ll be challenging, but it will be a more fulfilling life? We understand that, but don’t choose comfort in the sense of staying in the pit, because ultimately, that’s not a choice that you want to live your whole life through.
Gary Schneeberger:
No, and that’s the great thing about the actionable truths is that they offer the hope that wherever you’re at, whatever truth you’re at, whatever part of the roadmap you’re on, there’s hope if you just take another step forward. You talk all the time, Warwick, about the power of one step, and that ability to take stock of the situation, and take that one step, even if it’s fearful, even if it may not be comfortable, is critical to moving from trial to triumph.
Actionable truths truly are an important measure. Guess what, folks? We know they work. You know how we know they work? Our host has walked through them. This is going to be an interesting part of this Series Within the Show on the actionable truths, and Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, because we’re going to look this, every actionable truth, we’re going to look at it in a real life test. We’re going to look at it through a real life lens.
Let’s talk about your crucible, Warwick, and apply the three things we just covered from the example of your story.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah. Gary, I grew up in a 150 year old family media company in Australia. It was founded by my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax. It grew to be very large. It had newspapers, TV, radio, magazines. It had the equivalent of the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal, with the Sydney Morning Herald, the Age of Melbourne, and The Financial Review. In early 1987, my dad died. I was 26 years old. I was actually finishing my last year at Harvard Business School.
I’d done my undergraduate degree at Oxford University, and then worked on Wall Street, and there was turmoil within the family. I believe the company wasn’t being well-run and wasn’t being run along the ideals of the founder. The market felt that the company was right for hostile takeovers. There were various corporate raiders that seemed to be lurking. In late August 1987, I launched a $2.25 billion takeover to bring the vision of the company back to the founder and see that the company was well managed.
Unfortunately, through the takeover, we ended up having too much debt. Yes, I brought in new management that helped increase operating profits by 80% the first year, but the debt was so high, newspapers being very cyclical, that by late 1990, company had to file for bankruptcy. This was a devastating crucible. I felt responsible for ending 150 years of family control of this iconic media company. I felt I’d let my parents down, my family, and frankly, thousands of employees in the company. They felt safe with the Fairfax family.
Who was going to own the company now? It was just a lot of uncertainty. I was in a bad way. In my case, I was in a lot of pain. I felt like a lot of what happened was my fault. I’m somebody that tends, when things go wrong, not to blame others, but to blame myself. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. It just is my typical psychological precondition, if you will. That’s how I respond to things. I felt I’d let so many people down, parents, my dad, family, employees of the company.
Yeah, I don’t know how much I was analyzing the problem, other than what have I done? How could I have been so dumb? That was the overriding thought. I made such cataclysmic mistakes. I had a Harvard MBA. How could I have made those assumptions? How could I have assumed that other family members wouldn’t sell out when this takeover that they viewed as hostile was launched by a 26-year-old? Who’d want to be trapped in a company controlled by a 26-year-old?
I was focused on my part and just look what I’ve done. How could I have been so dumb? That was sort of the main analysis, the main feelings that I was going through. Yeah, I probably didn’t have an accurate awareness of what happened.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. We talked earlier as we were unpacking what happens in the aftermath of a crucible, this idea that it’s not one and done. There can be one step forward, one step back, one step forward, two steps back, three steps back. Another way to think about that is there’s delayed healing. It’s not instantaneous healing, and it’s not necessarily healing that’s over and done, next, check the box. Move on.
In your own story, did what you’ve just described, did what you were going through after your crucible, did that lead to some delayed healing for you as you were, even before it was created, the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, as you were traversing the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap before it existed, but it was in what you were doing? Was there some delayed healing in your process?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, I think there was. As the years have gone by, I realized, yes, I certainly share a lot of responsibility and blame for this, but I look back, and there were rifts within the family going back decades, even before I was born. My father dying, it was certainly a catalyst in terms of some of the divisions, perhaps. There was just a lot of things that would make being in that situation very difficult. I’m more of a reflective advisor, not a take-no-prisoners, corporate raider, or even a general manager executive.
There were so many reasons why to make that work would’ve been very difficult. I was listening to my parents’ truth, if you will. My dad had been thrown out as chairman by other family members 11 years before, 1976. That, I didn’t consciously think that was a factor at the time. Looking back, clearly it was. I felt like, how could other family members throw my father out as chairman, a man who I deeply admired and loved? There was all sorts of emotional influences, rifts.
It was just a very, very difficult situation. Doesn’t mean to say I didn’t make mistakes or I shouldn’t share a blame, but there were so many other factors that it’s enabled me to be a bit more, not lenient, but show a bit more grace to myself. Look, I was 26. It was a very difficult situation with the family and the rifts, and my dad having been thrown out as chairman, and I was hearing my parents’ truth about how bad were. Whether they were or weren’t is not really so relevant here.
It’s just there was all sorts of factors, some poor advice from advisors, all sorts of factors that led to what happened. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault. I certainly made a lot of mistakes. What it means is to be fully aware of the problem, and the crucible is really helpful to realize, okay, it would’ve been tough for anybody. Certainly tough for me, being a reflective advisor and being so young. Being aware of the problem has been very helpful as I move forward in my life, to give myself grace, and also to help me learn some lessons from it.
Just because you’re hearing one truth from one set of people, even if it’s your parents, it’s not necessarily absolute truth. Get other perspectives. Obviously, I was young, so I’m at that age, give myself a bit of grace about doing that. I’m not going to go to other family members and say, “Hey, I was 15. You threw my dad out as chairman. Why did you do it? I’m just curious.” That would’ve been expecting a lot, and they never would’ve brought it up with me.
Yeah, I’ve learned more to give myself some grace about what happened, and it was tough, but I think I have a more realistic, more objective view of what happened than I did at the time.
Gary Schneeberger:
As we talk about this, what keeps becoming clear to me is that, and I’ve never thought about it this way, a crucible is something that starts the process of you need to recover from this. You need to… It changes the trajectory of your life. That’s what a crucible is in a noun sense, right? There is actionable, it’s an actionable truth too. It’s a bit of a verb too. Things that you need to do, steps that you need to take, realities that you need to face, courage you need to muster.
There is something that’s absolutely actionable in the aftermath of a crucible, that without it, you’re not going to get to where you’ve gotten and where our guests on the podcast have gotten. Does that make sense, the way I’m seeing that? It really is. A crucible happens to you and it happens for you. It does both in a real way.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, it’s so true, Gary. One of the things I think of with crucibles, it’s not one and done. It’s like, “Okay, I spent a few months, I got counseling, maybe got some spiritual advice. I’ve learned about my gifts. Great. I’ve gone through a six months intensive, get over your crucible boot camp workshop, and I’m good. I never have to, there’s no residual pain. I’m never triggered. Everything’s just great. I may not know my vision yet, but I’m moving forward. I’m never looking back. I’m never thinking about what happened, never blaming myself more or less than I should. I’m good to go. I’m bulletproof.”
That’s just not real life. In my case, it took years to recover, as we’ll get into. Most of the nineties were pretty challenging. Even now, if once in a blue moon, they sort of write about me in Australia in the media, and is that painful? Sure. Going back to Sydney, it’s not always easy because it triggers memories of mistakes. There’s various challenges within different family members. Yeah, I like to think I’m in a pretty good place, but it doesn’t mean that the healing doesn’t take a while.
It doesn’t mean that there won’t be scars. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be triggered. It’s unrealistic to think that you’ll never be triggered by your crucible. Most of us who are human, given the right set of circumstances, of course, we’ll be triggered. The question is, okay, when you’re triggered, what are you going to do about it?
You’re going to wallow in the sense of self-recrimination or anger when you’re triggered and say, “Okay, I understand what’s happening. Let me figure out a way to move on from this subsequent almost crucible aftershock, if you will, like an earthquake. How am I going to move on from this subsequent feeling?”
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. Well, let’s have you finish the story, finish the last mile markers Beyond the Crucible Roadmap for your own story, where the actionable truths came into play.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, the rest of the story is after the company had to file for bankruptcy, we moved to America in early 1990s, my wife’s American, and those years were tough. In a sense, they were my wilderness years. I know Winston Churchill talks about that in the 1930s when he was out of power, and obviously, not in that league, but in my own little world, they were my wilderness years. I felt terrible about myself and my self-image. I was very low.
Towards the end of that decade, I realized, I got to find some way to move forward. It wasn’t like I wasn’t trying in terms of getting some job, but it was pretty tough to get a job with a resume that said sort of out of work media mogul, or…
Gary Schneeberger:
Right, right.
Warwick Fairfax:
It was pretty tough. You’ve got to find a way to get out the pit of despair and self-incrimination and self-flagellation. Eventually, really, the secret for me being able to move forward was something we talk about a lot on Beyond the Crucible, and that’s the power of one small step. The step I took, it really was a very small baby step. I couldn’t get even to first base with an interview with any job. I went to a temp agency in Maryland where we live, and they found part-time positions for financial analysts.
Well, I’d worked on Wall Street. Back in the day, I was actually pretty good at Excel, so they put me through a little test on Excel. It’s like, “You’re actually pretty good at this.” I have an analytical ability. After I went to this temp agency, that led to an initial part-time position with a sports company in Maryland. It was actually a large sports company that had the US headquarters in Maryland at the time. That led to a full-time position with an aviation services company.
Bit by bit, I got good performance reviews. I worked hard doing, financial analysis and then some strategic and business analysis. That first small step, getting that first temp job at that sports company at the time, doing budgeting, that was huge. It didn’t seem like a big step. I was a Harvard MBA. I was thinking, “Gosh, I’m probably the lowest paid Harvard MBA in history.”
At the time, while I was, I don’t really care about money, but it wasn’t good for the ego, but I was just happy for something. My kids were small. I wanted to bring in some kind of income. It was a small step, but in hindsight, it was huge getting that first several month temp job at that sports company in Maryland. It was a huge step, even though it seemed really, really small at the time.
Gary Schneeberger:
What I love about what you’ve just talked about, because you’ve just walked through the entirety of your biggest crucible, which you’ve talked about many times in many venues, in many places, you’ve given speeches about it, you’ve done interviews about it, you’ve done podcasts on it. What I love about the way that you just told that is that you’ve now arrived at a place, because of the healing that’s come as you’ve walked the roadmap, as you’ve employed the actionable truths, you’ve arrived at a place where you can do it.
Tell me if this is accurate, somewhat matter-of-factly. There’s not pain attached with it as much as there was in the early days, I think when you talk about it now, is there?
Warwick Fairfax:
It’s very true. You might be thinking, “Well, why?” I’ve moved beyond my crucible. I’m not defined by my worst day. I am, from my perspective, leading a life of significance, a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others. Yes, I love what I do at Beyond the Crucible. I happen to be an elder at a non-denominational church in Maryland. I’ve been on my kids’ school board, which is a Christian school, there’s a number of other non-profits that we support that I help advise, I’m involved in in different ways.
I’m involved in things I deeply care about, organizations’ mission I passionately believe in. I don’t wallow in what happened with the takeover, the family of business, John Fairfax Limited. Doesn’t mean I’m not triggered from time to time, but I don’t really think about it much. It’s easier to look back at what happened when you’ve moved on and you’ve had years of helping people. Frankly, my self-image was so low, there was a time in which I would think I couldn’t lead my way out of a paperback, is the image that I had.
I couldn’t really help anybody. I don’t say that anymore. I may not be a CEO type, a manager in that sense, but I like to think I have some wisdom, some knowledge of leadership from obviously my challenges, mistakes, if you will, a certified international coach, Federation executive coach. Through my coaching, being on nonprofit boards, through, I like to think the thought leadership we have here at Beyond the Crucible, from learning from my guests, I like to feel like I am having an impact in my own way.
I feel like people see me in a different light these days. They’re not looking at, “Oh, young Warwick,” as they used to call me back in Australia because my dad is still Warwick Fairfax or was. It’s like, at what point am I not young Warwick? Maybe if I hit 80 or 90, I won’t be young Warwick, but I don’t know. It’s like, surely I’ve passed that stage, but maybe not. I’m not defined by that anymore. People see me very differently.
I even feel like I’m respected, in some sense, where back in the day, I’d say, “How could anybody respect me? I just wanted to hide. I’m not worthy of respect. I deserve everything I get. All those terrible cartoons in the Australian paper deserve all.” That was almost my subconscious sense. I don’t look at it that way. I’m not perfect. There’s a lot of, I’m pretty, if not very, self-aware, just because I’m a reflective person, but I’m able to objectively say, “I do make contributions in my own world that people respect, and I’m grateful to be able to make a contribution and not being seen as this idiot, young person that could have had it all and just blew it because of his stupidity and naivety.”
Everybody that knows me knows my story. I talk about my story at Beyond the Crucible like every podcast. It’s not like I’m hiding it. It’s out there, but people don’t see me that way. In terms of how people see me, they don’t see that I’m defined by that mistake and those terrible circumstances. They don’t at all. I don’t see myself that way, and others who know me don’t see me that way either. Yes, it’s a lot easier to be able to talk about it because I have moved on. Doesn’t mean I’m not triggered, but I don’t wallow in the pit. I’m not in the pit of despair anymore.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. That, folks, right there is an example of, I have jokingly referred to Warwick as Patient Zero for Beyond the Crucible. He’s patient zero in the case of how, and why, and how deeply the actionable truths work. That is great news for you and for all of us who go through crucibles. Folks, we’re just getting started.
This is just the first of 10 actionable truths. Warwick, as we wrap up this episode, what would you say is the big takeaway, the big couple of takeaways that you want to leave our listeners and viewers with today?
Warwick Fairfax:
The first step is really being aware of what happened, having an accurate appraisal of your crucible, what happened, how it affected you, how it affected others, your level of responsibility, not to overly blame, or not blaming yourself enough, but just really having an accurate appraisal of what happened. As I’ve talked about for me, grew up in a very difficult situation with a lot of turmoil and infighting between different factions. I’m more of a reflective advisor than a take-charge corporate executive.
I was hearing my parents’ truths, not necessarily objective truth. There was all sorts of factors. My dad dying, and my other family members throwing my father out as chairman 11 years before, I now feel like I have an accurate appraisal of the problem. You have to have an accurate appraisal of what happened, why it happened. You can’t move on until you really know what happened and why, and look at it objectively. We also need to be aware that we need to change. You can’t just live in the pit.
You can’t be like Shawshank Redemption and say, “Look, this is the only life I’ve ever lived or the only life I can remember, or I’m such a horrendous person. I don’t deserve to be paroled. I don’t deserve to get out of jail. I don’t deserve to get out of prison. I need to stay here because I’m not worthy of anybody. Don’t look at me, don’t see me. Ignore me. Put me in solitary confinement with no windows for the rest of my life.”
Some people can feel like that even if it wasn’t their fault. People who have been abused, from what I understand, they can feel shame, even though none of it was their fault, but they feel like they’re broken, they’re damaged. Whatever leads you to that sense of shame, whether it was your fault or not your fault, you can’t live in that pit forever. I believe from a spiritual perspective, I think of Psalm 139, which talks about we’re all beautifully and wonderfully made by God, I believe we do have a creator that did make us beautifully and wonderfully.
Every human being has worth, has value. You have worth, you have value. You do not deserve to be in the pit. Make a decision that I will not stay here. I’ll figure out a way to get out of it. That’s really the key point is that we need to make a choice, that we will get beyond our crucible. We will move on. We are worthy as a human being. We will not stay in the pit. We won’t be there forever. I think one of the things that helps you move on, and I know this doesn’t happen overnight, is when you begin to have hope in a better tomorrow.
Doesn’t mean that you think, “Oh, it’ll all be roses and sunshine, and there won’t be any pain, and I’ll get over all of my pain and everything will be good.” You just have the sense that there is hope. You have to have hope. You have to think that there will be a vision, a triumph, if you will, where you can get beyond your crucible, and lead a life of significance. This will be a life on purpose. This will be dedicated to serving others. Think about that better tomorrow, and maybe there’ll be pain to change, but that pain leads to hope. That pain leads to joy and fulfillment.
Change doesn’t happen easily, but make the decision that faced with the pain of staying where I am, almost like eternal pain forever, the pain of change, which leads to hope and a better tomorrow, which pain is worth it? Choose the pain of change. Choose to get out of the crucible. It won’t be just you by yourself. If you’re wise, you’ll use what we call a team of fellow travelers, people that come alongside you that are for you. Maybe you have complimentary gifts that can encourage you when you feel down, which we all do from time to time.
That first step is really making the decision to get beyond your crucible. Just to go back to what we said, think about, if today’s your worst day, what one small step can I take to get out of that crucible? Pretty much every guest we’ve had on the podcast has said that first small step was the biggest one. What small step are you going to take to try to get beyond your crucible?
I know it won’t be easy. Don’t think, “Oh, it’s meaningless. What’s the point?” Why could going to a temp agency and getting a part-time job with a sports company, why is that… That’s not revolutionary. In of itself, it’s not, but one small step leads to another small step, and that leads to what we call the flywheel of hope. We want that flywheel of hope to begin. What one small step are you going to take today to get out of your crucible?
Gary Schneeberger:
Folks, I have been in the communications business long enough to know when the last word on the subject has been spoken. Our host, Warwick Fairfax, has just spoken it with a thunderclap. Very well done, very great episode. This has been great, folks. This is just, remember, this is just the first actionable truth we’ll be discussing in depth this year. Each month, we’ll take a look at a new one, and how it’s connected to the previous one to build out this Beyond the Crucible Roadmap we’ve been discussing.
Next time, we’ll start taking a look at, drum roll, please, self-reflection. That’s the next topic on the Series Within the Show on the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap. Until the next time we’re together, folks, please remember this. We want you to believe these truths that we talk about. More importantly than that, we want you to take action on them. That’s why we called them actionable truths, because that’s what’s going to help you along the roadmap from trial to triumph. We will see you next week.
Welcome to a journey of transformation with Beyond the Crucible Assessment. Unlike any other, this tool is designed to guide you from adversity to achievement. As you answer a few insightful questions, you won’t just find a label like the Helper or the Individualist. Instead, you’ll uncover your unique position in the journey of resilience. This assessment reveals where you stand today, the direction you should aim for, and crucially, the steps to get there.
It’s more than an assessment. It’s a roadmap to a life of significance. Ready? Visit Beyondthecrucible.com. Take the free assessment, and start charting your course to a life of significance today.