Don’t Be Afraid to Hit The Gas to Move Beyond Your Crucible.
Sometimes in life when times get hard we want to slow down and focus on the challenges we are going through. The crucible we are facing may feel so painful that we may want to completely stop. We might feel we just want to hide under the covers and not see anyone. We are in such pain. It can seem that what has been done to us is so awful, we just don’t want to be seen; or what we have done is something that others will forever judge us for.
Other times, we might know we need to get beyond this crucible, this worst day, but we may want to process what happened. We want to learn how not to make the same mistake again, or we may want to put ourselves in situations where we will feel safer and more protected, so that what happened to us can’t happen again.
There is an understandable tendency to bring life to a stop after a crucible, either by just being angry and feeling immersed in the pain, or by trying to understand what happened at increasingly deep levels to keep expanding our learning.y well tend to overreact.
The challenge is that bringing life and our forward momentum to a complete stop is rarely healthy.
At the end of last summer, I was bringing our jet skis to the marina to have them put in storage for the winter. It so happened, that we had to bring the jet skis to the marina that particular day. It turned out, though, that the water was pretty rough, so much so that normally I would not have taken the jet skis out. It was safe, but it would be a rough ride. So out I went. At first, when I went slow, I was feeling every bump as the jet ski would go up and down with the waves. But as I accelerated, the jet ski rode on top of the waves, and I did not feel the bumps as much. The ride was a lot smoother.
So that got me thinking. In life, if we accelerate a bit and focus on forward movement, it can actually make things feel a little smoother. Rather than focusing on our worst day, our crucible, and fixating on what an idiot we were or how awful what was done to us was, we are turning some of our attention to the future. What is that vision that can help people and in some ways, big or small, make the world a better place? How does that vision lead to a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others? What next step can we take today to move that vision forward to reality?
This does not mean that the pain of our crucible, our worst day, goes away. But it does mean our eyes are not perpetually focused on the past and what happened, but on the future and on those we are going to help. It actually does in some sense make what happened seem to be not quite as bad. The waves seem to be not quite as rough.
So how do we accelerate through the waves of life and not get bogged down by the past and our worst day?
1.Process what happened to you on your worst day.
While understandable, it is never helpful to just wallow in the pain of your crucible and spend years being angry at yourself or others. You do have to learn the lessons of your crucible. How can I not make that mistake again, or at least less often? How can I reduce the chance that was done to me will happen again?
2. Accept the fact that continuous processing of the past and ruminating on your worst day won’t completely make the pain go away.
While we may learn to deal with the pain better, and the intensity of the pain may get less, the consequences of your crucible and some degree of pain will likely always be there.
3. Decide to move forward.
You have to take some of your energy off of reflecting about your crucible and trying to learn the lessons surrounding that crucible and move forward. Spending your life either wallowing in the pain of your crucible or even spending your life trying to learn the lessons of your crucible is not helpful. Life is lived by moving forward.
4. Come up with a plan to move forward.
What is the vision that you want to bring to reality? Who do you want to help and for what reason? What is the origin story of that vision? It might come out of the ashes of your crucible. You might want to ensure that no one goes through what you went through.
5. Start taking steps to bring that vision to a reality.
Make it happen. Assemble a team of fellow travelers. They might have different gifts and aptitudes than you, but that’s alright if they are all completely committed to the vision.
6. Don’t go too slow.
Accelerate. Resist the temptation to go so slow that it feels like any forward progress is happening at glacial pace. This could be because you are fearful of making a mistake. It could be because you are spending 90 percent of your time and energy wallowing in or still processing your crucible. At some point you have to move on. Momentum happens with real forward movement, not glacial movement.
7. Focus on the future.
Make it a goal to think less about the past and not keep going over that worst day, that crucible. 90 percent of your time that is tied to your purpose in life in terms of bringing your vision to reality should be on the future and that life affirming vision. 90 percent of your energy and thinking should not be on the past and your worst day.
8. Give yourself grace.
Some days, you might have a relapse. Something might trigger you and you might be drawn to thinking about your worst day. Pick yourself up and move forward, without berating yourself for having a bad day and focusing on the past.
9. Enjoy the ride.
As we accelerate the pace of bringing our vision to reality, enjoy the impact you are having on others. Dwell on that, on the changed lives you are seeing which your vision contributed to.
Your life cannot be lived in the past. You have to move forward. Life is about choices. Will you be defined by your worst day, by your crucible? Will you spend the vast majority of your day either wallowing in your crucible or endlessly reflecting on what you could have done differently either to not make that mistake or how you could have avoided what happened to you? Or will you focus your time and energy on how to move forward in life? How you will bring that vision to reality. Who you will need to bring with you on the journey to help you make that vision happen.
We need to move on at some point from ruminating about the past and our worst day, and reflect more on the future and the people we will help. Spend less time thinking about the faces of those who hurt us or those we affected by our mistakes, and more time on the faces of those we are helping and will help. You can’t undo the past. But you can learn the lessons of the past. You can forgive, which does not mean condone, what was done to you. You can seek to make amends and ask forgiveness for the mistakes you have made.
But you do need to move forward. Try hitting the accelerator a bit and ride on top of the waves. It is quite a ride. It is worth it. As you see your vision helping others, you find a deep sense of joy, satisfaction and gratitude.
Reflection
- Make a decision. Stop endlessly focusing on the past and your worst day and make a decision to focus on the future.
- Think of a life-affirming vision that will provide purpose to your life and others; and reflect on who you need with you on the journey to help that vision become reality.
- Accelerate and enjoy the ride. Now that you have a vision and a team of people to help bring that vision to reality, hit the gas. Glacial pace does not accomplish too much. Ride on top of the waves and see how your life affirming vision can buoy you and others up.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
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