Applying the Actionable Truths 3: Authenticity

Warwick Fairfax:
Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I’m Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible. You got to make a decision. Am I going to lead the fake life or the real life, the false life or the true life? It’s a fundamental, life-altering, life-changing decision, but you got to make that decision. Be who you are truly made to be, be you. Don’t be somebody else.

Gary Schneeberger:
Now, those are words to live by, words to lean into as you navigate your way beyond your crucible. And here’s another one, authenticity. That’s the third actionable truth from our Beyond the Crucible roadmap that we discuss in depth this episode. What does it mean to live with authenticity? What are the roadblocks that can keep you from doing so, and how do you push past them? We discuss that and more this week, so don’t touch that dial or push that button or grab that mouse.
Well, welcome friends. This is another episode of what we’re calling the series within the show, and that is on the actionable truths that have been born out of what we call Beyond the Crucible roadmap. And this is just to catch you up if you’ve missed the first couple episodes, and we encourage you if you have to go back and watch or listen to them.
But this is our refreshed way. It’s not entirely new, but it’s really laser focused of helping you get from your worst day to your greatest opportunity. And that’s what we’ve named the Beyond the Crucible roadmap. We describe it like this, and I’m going to read directly from my notes to make sure I get it right, how we help people turn their worst day into their greatest opportunity. We provide the essential actionable truths to inspire hope, enable and equip them, that’s two more, to write their own life affirming story. So that’s what we’re talking about here is to offer you exactly that. Warwick said it many times, we’re dealers in hope. We’re hoping to deal a little bit today in this episode. The roadmap, just so you know, has been built from our research into how people experience crucibles and what we’ve learned from our experience and the experiences of all the guests we’ve had on this show about what it takes to turn trials into triumph.
And the most really revolutionary news, as I’ve said, is that while building this roadmap, we identified the actionable truths of the brand. And to pass along these life-changing truths to you, we’re going to do, as I said, a series within the show. Once a month, we’re going to, with the exception of when we have our summer series coming up in a few months, but once a month we’re going to do an episode like this, where we’re going to talk about what the actionable truths are, why they are true, and more importantly how you can be actionable about them. That’s what the whole purpose of this episode and episodes like this are. So Warwick, let’s set the preamble aside and get down to business here. And let me begin that by asking you this question. Level set for folks for our discussion on this third actionable truth, why actionable truths and what do we mean by that?

Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, Beyond the Crucible, we focus a lot on how do you get beyond your worst day and lead a life of significance. As you’ve mentioned, we now have this roadmap we’re calling Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, how you go from trial, in other words, crucible, to triumph or a life of significance. And as we’ve studied really what it takes to go from trial to triumph, from crucible to life of significance, we’ve looked at the research we’ve done, we’ve actually looked at my book Crucible Leadership, we’ve found there are 10 actionable truths that we believe are catalysts that help you move you along your journey from your worst day to a more positive point in life, to living a life-affirming division.
And so when you’re in that state, you’re triumphing, you’re living a life of significance. And these actionable truths, they’ve always in a sense been there, as I mentioned, they’re implicit in my book, Crucible Leadership. But what we’re doing now is we’re making these 10 catalysts, these 10 actionable truths explicit. And so I’m looking forward over this year to really delving into what they are and why they’re important to help you move from your worst day to a life of significance.

Gary Schneeberger:
Well, you’ve just set up the next question because why they’re important, I’m going to ask you this. They’re important because they help us move from setback to significance, but how do they do that? Right? Actionable truths. How do actionable truths, these actionable truths help us do that?

Warwick Fairfax:
We view these actionable truths as accelerators, even enablers, to help you move from your crucible or trial to a life of significance or triumph. And I think it can make a good case that without these actionable truths, you’re going nowhere. You’re stuck in the pit, you can’t move beyond it. And we’ve already discussed crucible, self-reflection, and we’re going to discuss another, I think, very interesting actionable truth here in a moment. But-

Gary Schneeberger:
Good teaser. Good teaser, Warwick. Good.

Warwick Fairfax:
Without these actionable truths, I think you’re stuck. It’s like having an engine without oil. You’ve got to have oil to make the gears work. So these actionable truths, they help you move forward. I’m not sure that it’s possible to move forward without these actionable truths. So they’re really critical to go from your worst day to a life of significance.

Gary Schneeberger:
And that’s folks why we’re going to continue to talk about these all through 2025. And we are, as Warwick indicated, we’re at the next one. And the next one is interesting because it moves us into a different section of the road map as well. But in our first two discussions, you may remember if you haven’t, and as I said at the outset, if you haven’t seen the first two episodes, please tune in to those. We talked about where the trial begins. So that was the trial phase of the road map, and that was your crucible, and then where you begin to move beyond, quote, unquote, “your crucible” is self-reflection. Both of those came under the part of the map which we call trial.
We’re now moving into a part of the map, the second part of the map, which we call processing. We’re moving into processing now. So you’ve had the trial, you’ve self-reflected, and now it’s time to take some action. So the third truth is what we’ve determined is one of the critical turning points to begin the forward motion necessary to turn your trial into triumph, and that is authenticity. I should have stopped and said, drum roll, please. Authenticity. Let’s do that now. Drum roll, please. Authenticity is the third truth that we’re going to discuss in this episode. Warwick, why is authenticity a critical step after a crucible to begin the journey from trial to triumph?

Warwick Fairfax:
It’s funny, as I reflect on these actual truths, I’m passionate about all of them, but as we’ll get into in a bit, I’m really, really passionate about authenticity. It’s one of my highest values that I’ve sought to live my life around. So let’s talk about authenticity and why it’s so important. So after we’ve been through a crucible and we’ve reflected on what happened, why it happened, what are the lessons learned, what are the things we could have done differently? What can we learn from what was done to us? We’re at a point where we’re hopefully ready to move beyond a crucible. But a critical step to moving beyond a crucible is authenticity. We need to be our true authentic selves, and I’ve certainly found this, it’s easy to live a life in which you hide behind a mask, you pretend to be somebody else.
But to move forward, we’ve got to be us. We can’t just be somebody else, hide behind it. And part of that is we tend to not always want people to know who we truly are. We want to be maybe the life of the party. We just want to be liked, and so we become the person we think others want us to be, and we lose our sense of self. It’s almost like we become an actor. Sometimes with the actors, you want say, who are they really? And you can lose yourself in your role. We don’t want to be actors in our own lives. We want to be ourselves. And so that’s one part of it. Another part of it is we need to own how we were authentically made. We need to lean into our unique gifts, skills, and passions, and we need to stop trying to please other people and pursue professions that others may want us to pursue, whether they’re friends or family. It’s just not really very helpful.
I mean, it can often be the case kids growing up, maybe their mom or dad is a doctor, lawyer, whatever it is, and hey, this is a good profession. And it’s like, okay, I guess so. And rather than thinking, well, how was I made? What do I love to do? You tend to pick the safe option. The smart option. It’s not a smart option. I’m not even sure it’s a safe option. It’s not a smart option to be somebody that you’re not. That tends not to work. So those are really the two sides to authenticity. We need to be our authentic selves, but we also need to pursue a calling or a profession that’s authentically in line with who we are. We really can’t move forward from the pit without being authentically who we are and pursuing a vision that’s true to who we are. You really can’t move forward without authenticity in both those two facets, the being your authentic self and pursuing a profession that’s authentic to who you really are.

Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah. As you talk about that, it’s interesting, something popped in my head. People say all the time when you’re in tough straights, fake it till you make it, right? And I think what we’re talking about is the exact opposite of that, right? If you don’t fake it, you will make it. I think that’s what this actionable truth really brings to bear on this subject is that don’t fake it, don’t wear a mask. Don’t run from who you really are, run into who you really are.

Warwick Fairfax:
Absolutely, Gary. I think you can also say, if you fake it, you won’t make it. I’m somebody that’s a pretty disciplined person by nature and have high perseverance, but if you try to be somebody that you’re not, it creates a lot of dissonance within you, within your emotions, psyche, soul. It’s just being somebody you are not creates a lot of anxiety and stress because at your deepest level, you know it’s wrong. You know it makes no sense. And just to put on an act every day, it’s just so draining. It’s just stressful.

Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, it’s exhausting. Yeah.

Warwick Fairfax:
To be somebody or not and be in a profession that you hate and don’t feel called to, and you’re thinking there’s got to be something else. There’s got to be something else that makes me more happy and fulfilled than this. It’s just, it’s drudgery. I hate my job. It’s just not who I am. I guess I got to be sensible, and it’s just soul crushing, soul-destroying. And so how do you move beyond your worst day when your soul feels crushed and it’s draining you of energy? Rather than a catalyst or an accelerator, you’ve got a massive brake in which it makes it very difficult to move forward. You’re trying to push a massive boulder uphill. That’s not a way to move beyond a crucible. You’ll tend to roll right back into the pit. The boulder will push you there, if I can mix metaphors there.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right. Of course you can. You’re the host of the show. I am going to, as I do every episode here, I’m going to read the dictionary definition, and not just any dictionary definition, folks. This is the dictionary definition from Webster’s first dictionary, what I call Webster’s 1828, Noah Webster’s very first dictionary. And this is how he describes, well, actually authenticity wasn’t really a word used, I guess, but authentical, this is what he describes it as, “Having a genuine, original or authority in opposition to what is false, fictitious or counterfeit. Being what it purports to be. Genuine and true.” So all those things, I think, are exactly what you’ve been talking about here. That is indeed what it takes to be authentic, to exhibit authenticity.

Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, I mean, that’s a really great word, authentical. I guess we could have called this accelerator, authentical.

Gary Schneeberger:
I’ve never heard that word before, so that’s funny.

Warwick Fairfax:
I’m not even sure we use that. It’d be interesting to see if it’s in the modern dictionary.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right.

Warwick Fairfax:
But yeah, to be genuine and true, not to be false. We need to be genuine and true to who we are. Not false or fake. I mean it seems so obvious when you just contemplate that dictionary definition, but yet, it is, as we’ll get into in a moment, it’s challenging to be yourself and to authentically perceive a calling that you feel is in line with who you are. It’s challenging as we’ll get into in a moment.

Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, I mean to wear the mask is to wear a mask without eye holes. You can’t see where you’re going, right? I mean, it really is what we’re talking about when we talk about this. So there are, as I said earlier there, this is a new stage of the roadmap called processing. We’re moving beyond the trial and now we’re processing that trial. And there are two stages, two things that come up, two ways it manifests itself as you’re processing. The first one of those work is overcoming fear. That’s the first thing we have to do in processing. So I’ll ask you, how does authenticity or being authentical as Webster’s 1828 says, how does authenticity help us to overcome fear?

Warwick Fairfax:
It’s interesting. One of the big reasons people are not authentic, they put on a mask, they don’t pursue a career in line with who they truly are. They put on a mask because people fear that if they’re truly who they are, if they’re truly their authentic selves, what happens if people reject who we are? It’s one thing if they reject the mask, but if they reject our true self, we feel seen in the sense, but we feel exposed, we feel rejected. We feel they’re rejecting our soul. They’re rejecting everything that makes us who we are, but we need to make a decision. We need to own our authentic selves and not shrink back from that. For me, it really comes back to my faith perspective. I believe that as humans we’re uniquely made by God and his image, and we’re all made differently. We’re all maybe a different facet of that image.
And so from my perspective, we need to honor that and own that. I think Psalm 139 says, “We’re beautifully and wonderfully made.” Well, if we’re made a certain way with certain personalities, a certain appearance, whatever it is, maybe even certain quirks, I think we all have those quirks, we need to say, okay, that’s who I am. And if some people don’t like that, oh, well. But we need to really make a decision that we’re going to be our authentic selves. And we often live in fear of disappointing others, friends and family. And so that influences what professional calling we pursue. Oh, let’s make the safe choice. Let’s make mom, dad, and friends, teachers all happy. But when we pursue a profession that’s not true to who we are, we’re just miserable. We need to also make a decision that we’re going to pursue a calling that’s authentic to who we are, that is something that we feel passionate about, is in line with our gifting.
And yes, there is some people that may reject that saying, “That’s nuts. Your mom or dad’s an accountant, a doctor, they have a great business, a good clientele. How can you reject that profession?” But it really reminds me of one of the things we talk about at Beyond the Crucible all the time is having a team of fellow travelers. We need to have people around us that believe in us that like the true authentic us, and as we’re trying to pursue a professional calling or a vision that’s in line with who we are and what we believe, that they will cheer us. And those that don’t, well maybe don’t see them as much. I mean if they’re family, it obviously creates more challenges. If they’re friends and they keep pulling us down and wanting us to be who we’re not, then maybe the level of contact maybe shouldn’t be as high as it was before.
We need to be around people that believe in us, believe in who we are and the path that we’re moving towards so they can really help us be our true authentic selves, and pursue a true authentic profession. And those that are naysayers, they’re like brakes, they stop us moving out of the pit. So we don’t need brakes. We need people who will help us accelerate moving forward. And the right fellow travelers can actually indeed do that.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right. And I have not told you this beforehand. I just thought about it this morning as I was preparing what we’re going to talk about, and I have a real life example of this that dates back 22 years. It was 2003, and you may remember work in those days in the early 2000s, men’s retreats were very big in Christian circles, and I went to a men’s retreat and one of the things that was done was friends of mine, guys I knew from work and from childhood and my family, my dad, my brother, they wrote letters to me, and those letters were then presented to all the men in the retreat at some time after they broke us down a little bit, then they gave us these letters. And I’m just going to read a couple of paragraphs from what I said to all the people who wrote me a letter because it speaks to this idea that you’re talking about, about being authentic to who you are and about fellow travelers affirming that authenticity.
So this is just a section of what I wrote them. “Many of the individual things you and other friends and family told me in those letters moved me mightily, which I’m not going to talk about right here and now because crying in the office is frowned on, and I can feel the tears welling up just remembering. But I can and really need to tell you how the Lord used you to minister to me through that.” This is me saying this now, “See at a very basic level, at the level Jack Nicholson described to Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men, is the place you don’t like to talk about at parties. I have always pretty much been ashamed of who I am. As a kid, I heard shut up a lot from my parents because I was always full of questions and conversation.”
“In school, I was a bit of a class clown, and the teachers never really thought a lot of it, even if my classmates did. Through the years, I learned, I guess, that while the personality I had made my peers laugh and like being around me, those in authority over me were displeased by it. I wasn’t serious enough to be good. Although that personality has mostly survived in the years since I came to Christ, so has the shame. It’s intensified, in fact. So has the sense that I’m just not serious enough to be as good a Christian as this or that person. I’ve known and enjoyed the friendships of fun I’ve had in my time here at the place I worked, focused on the family, but there have always been a part of me, a growing part of me that suspected I was disappointing God for being too frivolous. That he, like my mom and dad and teachers, was displeased with me for being who I was and that this has made me so displeased with myself.”
“In that place I don’t like to talk about at parties that I’ve thought of my shame that the most a lot of you can do for me is a begrudging tolerance. You endure me.” I wrote. “And then I read your letters and what jumped out at me, what really pierced my heart wasn’t that you really did like me and consider me a friend, but that was nice to know, touching in its own right, but what really set my tears and sobs into overdrive was this. As I read letter after letter and began to see the pattern in what you and others wrote about, that very part of me, I’ve always been so ashamed of, that outgoing, fun guy personality was actually something that folks like you see as a positive. My love of helping, of being around people, which I’ve passed off more often than not is trying to win approval was actually something the Lord had used to bless others, far from thinking of me as too glib or flippant or not serious as a person.”
“Every person after person, including many of you, recalled moments where you felt I had blessed you and others through just being who I was. And that slayed me because I understood in that moment what I’m trying so hard to still understand now that I’ve returned to my real life, is that God never has been ashamed of those aspects of my personality. Far from it, in fact, he made me that way.” 22 years ago thinking that my authentic self wasn’t good enough, and my fellow travelers affirmed that indeed it was. Miraculous.

Warwick Fairfax:
Gary, that is so powerful. There’s so much to reflect on. I think it’s extremely helpful to talk about this just growing up, that sense of shame. Hey, I’m the class clown, so to speak. My buddies liked it, the teachers feel like, yeah, this guy’s not going nowhere. I mean class clown, he is not serious enough. He’s not going to work hard. It’s just like, you don’t tend to think of class clowns winning the Nobel Prize or something and going somewhere. You just feel like they’re funny, but yeah, probably not end up anywhere too helpful. That’s the notion. And those fellow travelers saying, “Well, we like you, Gary, because of that class clown fun-loving guy. That’s what we like. And you can still be funny and actually achieve things, As you have. You did then and you do now.”
So I guess 20 plus years later, imagine you were writing that letter again.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right.

Warwick Fairfax:
Would it be different? And you’d be thankful, but would you still feel like, gosh, I still have this sense of shame and I’m just less than and there are other Christians that achieve more than I do? Or how would that letter differ if you were writing it today versus 20 years ago?

Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, I think part of stepping into my authentic self and being comfortable in my authentic self, because sometimes masks can feel comfortable. So being comfortable in my authentic self, I think now, I know now that I don’t compare myself to others in that way. Are there times that I’m like, ooh, I probably shouldn’t have cracked that joke, or I should have maybe been serious at that time. I mean, there are still moments like that, but I don’t think that there’s this wholesale disregard or lack of affinity or affirmation from those around me because of that.
So I have not just come to peace with my authentic self. I have come to understand my authentic self has been a positive in my life. So that’s flipped. And it’s the point of what we’re talking about here. You have to embrace your authentic self to overcome a crucible because that’s the way that you’re going to go from trial to triumph. I was bouncing through trials and challenges, and I would come out on the other side, but I still had never really embraced that part of me. I lived it, I didn’t hide it, but I just thought it wasn’t good enough. And I think now I know from my own perspective helped by fellow travelers who wrote me these letters, which I have in that folder I was holding, that it is good enough, because that’s who I was created to be.

Warwick Fairfax:
So I’m sensing that that word you use, which is a very strong word, that I’m sure a lot of people can relate to, the word shame, would it be true to say that that’s not really part of your vocabulary anymore as you think about who you authentically are, that you’re not ashamed to be Gary Schneeberger?

Gary Schneeberger:
No, not at all. I mean, are there things that I do and say ad that are just antithetical to who I am at my core that maybe brings in sadness? Yes, but that aspect of my authentic self, who I am authentically does not bring me shame. It brings me actually comfort. It brings me hope. It brings me the ability to endure crucibles. So I don’t know that some of the crucibles since then in the last 22 years could have been overcome if I still thought that I was a mess. I don’t think I’m a mess in that way anymore.

Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, I mean that’s a path that we should never be ashamed of who we are, and I’ll get into more my story later, but in some ways I can relate to what you’re saying as we’ll get into it, but we should never be ashamed to be authentically who we are. But really that’s the point of this question is we tend to fear being our authentic selves because if we are, people won’t like us or people will be ashamed to be with us or almost like in the Bible, like a leper, unclean, go away, live on the edge of town, don’t be where everybody is, just go and be separate so that we don’t have to see you. That’s that abiding sense of shame that we can have. But that’s where we just need to realize that we’re perfectly made by God from my perspective and not be ashamed of who we are.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right. So thank you for indulging me as I take up a whole lot of time of the episode in talking about that, but it just me this morning and I have all these letters nearby in my files, and I was like, that is exactly what we’re going to talk about. And here’s exactly what else we’re going to talk about, folks. There’s two parts to this processing, and the second part of that processing work is committing to change. Again, talk a bit about being aware of but being resistant to change. Why is committing to change so important here?

Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, and Gary, committing to change is tough. Change is tough, and it’s typically scary. Ironically, I’m somebody that’s lived in a bunch of different places, Australia, where I’m from, the UK, New York, Chicago, Boston, a bunch of different places, partly education, and I’m somebody that actually does not like change even though I’ve done a lot of different things. So I certainly get the fact that change is tough and it’s typically scary. So especially when we want to try to be our true authentic selves and lead our authentic calling, but really we have to put a line in the sand and make a commitment to change. We’ve got to move beyond our crucible, and we’re not going to do that unless we’re true to who we are and authentic to the calling in our life. It’s really one of the most critical and fundamental decisions we’re going to make in life.
So you might be scared, you might be thinking, gosh, are people going to like me if I’m my true authentic self and pull down the mask? And if I lead a life or a profession that’s in line with who I authentically am made to be and my passions and gifting, is that going to work? There’s a lot of fear, but you’ve just got to make a commitment. As we often say, one step at a time. The first step is often the biggest, but we’ve got to make a commitment. I am going to be who I am and pursue a calling that I feel led to, and hopefully you’ll have some fellow travelers to encourage you, but you got to make a decision. Am I going to lead the fake life or the real life, the false life or the true life? It’s a fundamental life altering, life changing decision, but you got to make that decision. Be who you are truly made to be, be you. Don’t be somebody else.
I think some comedian or some wise person has said, “Everybody else is already taken, so why not be me?” Or something to that effect, which I think is, I forget who it was, but it’s a very profound statement. There’s a whole bunch of other people. Let them be them. Good for them. But you be you. You got to make that commitment. That’s really a critical first step in being authentic. Just make that commitment that you got to be you.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right. And we’ve reached now folks, my favorite part of these shows, and I will put on my authentic identity as class clown to say, we’re going to examine patient zero of Beyond the Crucible, and that’s our host, Mr. Warwick Fairfax, because Warwick’s story and the things he went through from trial to triumph, before we ever called them actionable truths, before we ever knew that we could think of what actionable truths might be, Warwick lived these things out as he moved from his trial to his triumph. So let me ask you this, Warwick, how did authenticity help you truly begin to move beyond your crucible?

Warwick Fairfax:
Authenticity is one of my highest values, but it was a challenge. In some ways, ironically, I could relate to what you’re saying, Gary, about shame. I don’t know if I would’ve used that word, but as listeners know, I grew up in a very large a 150-year-old family media business. And in Australia there’s a strong egalitarian philosophy, which is obviously good in many ways, but there’s a thing called the tall poppy syndrome, which basically means that if you’re successful in anything other than sports, and Australia is a sports mad country, if you are good in business, the arts, any profession you can think of, it’s like, ah, so you think you’re better than us. It’s like if you’re successful. And so ironically, I say ironically because I felt this, and it’s ironic because I went to a private boys school in Sydney where I grew up, and the school fees were high, if not very high.
So the kids in that school, the boys in that school, they were like sons of stockbrokers and doctors and lawyers, they were not impoverished, but yet they would say, “Well, Warwick, you think you’re better than us, don’t you?” And anybody that knows me now or back then, I have my issues, but that was never one. I was never a kid that run around boasting. I would be more just hiding and saying nothing. There’s no truth to that allegation. And so I would just be mortified. “No, I don’t think so.” They’d say, “How many cars did your dad have and how much money?” My dad did have a few cars, one of which was actually an Aston Martin that was almost identical to the one that James Bond drove in Goldfinger. So-

Gary Schneeberger:
Did it have missiles that popped out when he pushed the button?

Warwick Fairfax:
Not that I know of.

Gary Schneeberger:
Oh, okay. Good. Good, good, good.

Warwick Fairfax:
There might’ve been one time when my dad said, “Don’t touch that button.”

Gary Schneeberger:
That’s awesome.

Warwick Fairfax:
I don’t know why he said that. I have no idea.

Gary Schneeberger:
That’s awesome. That’s awesome.

Warwick Fairfax:
Good job I didn’t. But yeah, there was just this sense of, I don’t know, I don’t think I would’ve used the word shame, but maybe it would be appropriate if, I didn’t want to be seen as somebody that was different than other people. And just there was this sense of huge expectations that I’d have to fill in terms of one day being in a leading position within the family company. I was not particularly athletic growing up. I wasn’t terrible, but I was the last one picked for, I guess you call it tag here, we call it tip in Australia, whatever the game was. So there was a lot of reasons over the years in which I felt like, gee, I’m not as athletic as the next guy, and I’m not a handyman because when you grew up the way I grew up, you don’t have to fix the projects yourself. You’d have people that do that for you, obviously.
Even if that wasn’t the case, I still wouldn’t have been good. I’m not like a crafty guy with the wood shop, and it’s just not what I enjoy. So there’s plenty of things that I would’ve thought, oh, I just… I just wouldn’t have felt great about who I was in that sense, despite the fact that, yeah, I went to Oxford, Harvard Business School, and I suppose that helped a bit, but it’s easy to look at the things you don’t have and wish you were that. So I guess back to authenticity, one of the reasons authenticity is one of my highest values is, as I say in my book, I, in a sense, grew up in the world of the authentic. My parents were prominent folks given that my dad for most of my growing up was chairman of John Fairfax Limited, this iconic media company that had newspapers, magazines, newsprint, we had all these radio stations, and had the equivalent in Australia of the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal.
So my parents would have parties with… My mother was pretty social, so she loved organizing these things. They’d have parties with ambassadors, prime ministers, politicians, leading business figures, and occasionally even visiting folks from Hollywood. And I guess because my parents saw me as the next generation, that even at a young age, 10, 12 or what have you, I’d be invited to attend these parties. They wanted me to be around and just see what that world was like and just be ready for my future. And so often people would just try and impress each other with how brilliant they were, the deals they’d done, the important people they knew in Europe or Hollywood or wherever, and it was just so fake. Ever since, I’ve just had no desire to be around people that want to boast like that. I wanted to be around real people, so I don’t really hang out in those circles. I didn’t voluntarily hang out in those circles when I was growing up, but I don’t choose to.
So I really became allergic to the world of the inauthentic. But what’s interesting is it’s not like I was authentic. Okay, so it isn’t that you have to be inauthentic or authentic. Well, I guess I found a third way, which is I put on a mask. And so it’s not like I pretended to be somebody else, it’s just nobody knew what I was thinking. In fact, after my $2.25 billion takeover the family company, which I think as people would know, did not work out, during those takeover years, when I was in control of this massive 4,000 person company, there was an article written in an Australian magazine, and I was in fact on the front cover and the title of the article, and again, it was on the front cover, was the Man Behind the Mask and had this cartoon of me with this mask. And what this article was saying is that people found me very difficult to know.
In fact, some of my advisors at the time said, “Warwick’s the hardest person I’ve ever got to know. He’s inscrutable.” So after my crucible of the bankruptcy of this 150 year old family media company happened, and it happened under my watch, I had a lot to think about. I moved to the US because that’s where my wife is from, and we’ve lived here since the early nineties. And I think over time I gradually pulled down the mask. Of course it was easier because in the US nobody knew who I was. So it was easy to be me and be a little less paranoid about opening my mouth on not so much opinions, but just being me. It just gradually happened over time. The second part is over time, I gradually pursued a calling that was authentic to me. I mean, it wasn’t easy, because who was I? I knew I wasn’t this corporate raider, CEO big business guy, but who was I?
I probably realized that I was more like my father than I was willing to admit. He was a, would’ve been a better philosophy professor, was very reflective. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a desire to be a philosophy professor, but that reflective aspect of his nature, I think that was there. And so really what I am is a reflective advisor, but I didn’t quite realize that through most of the ’90s. So there were several steps on the journey. I worked in finance and marketing strategy for an aviation services company in Maryland where we live. And one of the key steps for me in finding out who I authentically was, was I went to a woman that did mid-career executive coaching and she said, “Warwick, you have a great profile to be an executive coach.” So I’ve become a certified International Coach Federation executive coach. But when she said that, I felt like it made sense.
And I remember, I think it was 2003, I went to my first International Coach Federation conference in Denver, and I felt like these are my people. They were very curious, non-judgemental. They wanted to know who I was and I wanted to know who they were. And that was maybe the turning point I would say, in me finding my true authentic self. I didn’t quite realize it at the time. In fact, we’ve talked earlier about making a commitment to change. One of the key turning points in my life, I remember we had Michael Lindsay, he’s the president of Taylor University where my kids went. He wrote a book Hinge Moments, and that was a hinge moment for me. It wasn’t a crucible, but I made a critical decision.
And that really came, I just felt the still small voice of God while I was working in the aviation services company, and I felt like God telling me, “Warwick, are playing small. You’re not living in light of who I made you to be.” It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with working in finance and marketing strategy for an aviation services company, but there was a lot more that I could give, and I wasn’t doing that out of maybe fear or ignorance or what have you. And so when you feel like God telling you, you are playing small, you’re not being who I designed you to be, it’s like, wow, okay. That was a wake-up call, and I made that commitment, okay, I’m not going to apologize for being me. I don’t think anybody should apologize for being them. And so the first key step was becoming an executive coach.
And after that, one thing after another kept moving forward because I was curious and asking good questions and doing some executive coaching, I was invited to be on team nonprofit boards, the elder board of my church, a non-denominational evangelical church in Maryland where we still go, and my kids’ Christian school. After a talk in church as some illustration, I decided to write a book about what happened growing up, my thoughts on leadership and life. And that led to a brand that we called at the time Crucible Leadership that we now call Beyond the Crucible and led to this podcast.
But that key hinge moment, that key turning point was that moment where I felt like God’s saying, “You’re playing small, you’re not being authentic to who you truly are.” And that executive coach that said, “You have a great profile to be an executive coach.” I don’t do as much executive coaching anymore, but it was a key turning point, I didn’t realize at the time, that led me to where I am now. So this wasn’t an easy journey, but I just made that decision that I’m going to be my true, authentic self. I’m going to pursue an authentic calling that’s true to who I am. It’s interesting, this family media business was founded by my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax. It was his true authentic calling, but it was not my true authentic calling.

Gary Schneeberger:
Right.

Warwick Fairfax:
Really, as we’re dialoguing about shame and all of that, I think like you, I’m in a much better position. I am not as athletic as some people, but I have reasonable hand-eye coordination. I’m not as bad as I might think I am. I play tennis with my kids. Yeah, I don’t enjoy building decks. So what?

Gary Schneeberger:
I don’t either.

Warwick Fairfax:
I can assemble Ikea furniture. I’m pretty reasonably tech-savvy. I’m not terrible, but I just need directions, but just don’t ask me to build a deck. And so I’m comfortable with who I am.

Gary Schneeberger:
As you were telling that story, when did you say you went to the International Coach Federation conference?

Warwick Fairfax:
I think that was 2003.

Gary Schneeberger:
You know what’s interesting about that work? That’s exactly the date of that letter I read, was in 2003.

Warwick Fairfax:
Wow.

Gary Schneeberger:
So we both found the truth of our authenticity at roughly the same time. That’s amazing.

Warwick Fairfax:
So in the word of, again, Michael Lindsay’s book, just as that was a hinge moment for me because it probably wasn’t necessarily a crucible, was that a hinge moment for you as a turning point?

Gary Schneeberger:
For sure.

Warwick Fairfax:
Those letters in 2003?

Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah. Yeah, it was I’m not all these bad things I thought I was. It was absolutely a hinge moment. So wow, how amazing. I feel like just dropping the anchor on this one and ending it, but we can’t do that yet, folks, because I want to ask you, Warwick, like I do at the end of every one of these episodes. What’s your one takeaway for folks who’ve listened and watched us talk about the actionable truth of authenticity? What’s the one takeaway you’d like them to walk away with from this conversation?

Warwick Fairfax:
If you want to bounce back from your crucible, if you want to get out of the pit, if you want to move beyond your crucible, you have to be your true, authentic self. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Don’t listen to the boys and girls at school. Mean boys, mean girls, kids can be really brutal. And it’s worse today with social media, which we didn’t have when we were growing up, but you’ve got to put a stake in the ground. Make a commitment to be who you are, don’t be afraid of being your true, authentic self, and don’t be afraid of pursuing a calling that’s authentic to who you are, and that’s unique to who you are. I think God made us all uniquely with our own unique set of qualities, strengths, things we might think are weaknesses or just things maybe you’re not as good at as some with their own quirks that some may find charming, some may find annoying, we might find annoying, but it’s just who we are. Quirks and all.
Just accept, do more than accept. It’s like if we’re made this way by God or however we think it works, then be true to who you are and pursue a calling that’s unique to you. And if you don’t do this and try to be somebody else and try to pursue a calling that’s not in line with your gifting and passion, I think rather than moving beyond your crucibles, you’ll lead the paraphrase in a different way, it’s a wonderful life, you will lead a crucible life. You’ll be wanting to jump off the bridge, the snowy bridge every day. That’ll be a normal day because you will live a crucible life. It’ll be one crucible after another.
Life is tough enough, but if you follow a calling that’s not unique to you, that’s not authentic to you, if you try to be somebody else and not your true, authentic self, you’ll create crucibles. Rather than having to just endure the ones that come at you, you’ll be creating them. I mean, why live a life journey from crucible to crucible, and mistake to mistake, and then creating crucibles? It makes no sense. Don’t do it. Be your true, authentic self. Live a calling that’s authentically you, and you’ll have a much greater chance of living a life of significance, going from trial to triumph, from your worst day to a life of significance. Living an authentic life is an accelerant, is an accelerator. Try to be somebody else, that’s the opposite. It’s a massive brake. It’s a boulder that will tend to stop you getting out of the pit and one crucible after another will tend to whack you right back in the pit. You’re creating pit after pit, it makes no sense. So do yourself a favor, be you, be your true, authentic self and pursue an authentic calling that’s unique to you.

Gary Schneeberger:
And your authentic calling is as an airplane pilot because you’ve just landed the plane in our conversation, Warwick. Bravo. Another really great, great discussion, folks. This is just the third actionable truth we’ll be discussing in depth this year. Each month we’ll take a look at another one and how it’s connected to the previous one that builds out our Beyond the Crucible roadmap. And the next time we will be discussing, drum roll please, Scott, faith. That’s what we’re going to be talking about, and you want to stay tuned for that, folks, because we have a definition of faith that’s a little bit different than you might expect. So stay tuned. That’s coming up. So until next time that we are together, please remember this. We want you to believe these truths, but we also want you even more to act on them. That’s why they’re actionable truths, because that’s what’s going to help you along the roadmap from trial to triumph, and we will see you next week.
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