I have found that when you use a crucible moment to help others, it can be very healing. When we take the focus off ourselves and try to use what we have been through to help others, it can make a huge difference in our spirit and our lives. Living such a life — using the pain of a crucible experience to help others — is what leading a life of significance is all about. But how do we get to a place where our experiences empower us rather than define us?
What is a Crucible Moment?
First, we need to define what a crucible moment is. Typically, it’s a painful experience that changes us. If we choose, it can be like a refining fire, molding us into something new. We can either wallow in our misfortune or we can choose to use our pain to help others and lead a life of significance. How we use our pain depends on the type of experience we have had. No person’s crucible moment is exactly the same as anyone else’s. Rather, each experience is incredibly personal.
A crucible moment can include the following difficult experiences:
The loss of a business. Losing your job or being fired. Living with a health challenge such as cancer. Having your marriage end in divorce. Losing a loved one.
Crucible moments such as these can be searing. How do you recover from losing a job that you have put everything you have into? What about feeling like you were unfairly fired from your job? Maybe you have a health challenge, due to the poor genetics in your family. How is that fair? Or what about having your marriage end in divorce after years of being together? How do you carry on with life, alone? What does each day look like when someone you love has passed away?
Find Time for Reflection
When faced with a crucible experience, the first step to moving beyond it and finding the purpose to your pain is through reflection. You have to first understand what you are feeling and why, as well as understand what happened, before you can take the next step to moving on.
Here are some steps to help with reflection:
Be honest with yourself. Assess how much of the situation was your fault. Perhaps you played a role in being fired. In a health challenge, assess how much your lifestyle (diet and exercise) was a contributing factor. With a divorce, perhaps it was not all his or her fault. Maybe your behavior or actions did not help, either.
Ask for input. Get input from others who know and care about you. Perhaps some coworkers can give you their perspective as to why you were fired. Some loved ones, if asked, might be able to help you determine how much of what led to your divorce was your fault and what was not.
Take responsibility. This might involve accepting the role you played in being fired, getting divorced, or the impact that an unhealthy lifestyle may have played in your health situation.
Accept and Forgive
Very often with crucible moments, acceptance and forgiveness are key. If you made mistakes that led to the loss of your business or your job, you have to accept it and own it, and then forgive those you might have a grudge against. It is not easy, as I know all too well. In a health challenge, you might have eaten properly and exercised, and might have still gotten sick. You might be angry at the world or at God. Or with a marriage, you might have suffered abuse and, understandably, have a lot of anger.
To be able to move on you have to forgive, whether or not the other person deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is as much about helping you move on, as it is about showing grace toward the other person. Forgiveness is a choice. It is not about how you feel. To be able to forgive, sometimes talking to a trained therapist can help. Prayer or meditation can also be very helpful.
Moving On: Using Your Experience to Help Others
The key to moving on after acceptance and forgiveness is finding ways to help others using your own experience. Losing a business or being fired can give you empathy for others who have been through something similar and perhaps you have some insights that might help others avoid what you have been through. This could mean being a mentor to other business leaders.
Living with a health challenge can give you a degree of empathy to come alongside others, such as those battling with cancer, that other people are not really able to. Perhaps you could join or lead a group of cancer survivors, for instance.
With a divorce or the loss of a loved one, you could be part of groups that exist to help such people. For instance, you could join a group of spouses of veterans who have lost their loved ones, or a group for people coping with loss or, depending on the situation, be part of a group who have suffered abuse in their marriage.
Whatever your experience is, there is immense strength in sharing your story. It’s not only empowering, but it can help to light the way for those who are walking a similar path. Helping others who are going through what you have been through can be incredibly healing. The pain never completely goes away, but when we use our pain to help others, we find purpose to our pain and to our lives.
If you’re ready to find power and purpose in your crucible moment, I encourage you to ask yourself the following reflective questions. To dive even deeper, feel free to download our free Crucible Leadership workbook.
Reflection
What type of crucible experience have you been through?
Who do you have to forgive?
How can you use the pain you have been through to help others?
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
I was walking on Siesta Key Beach in Sarasota, Florida, a few weeks ago — the day before we were to return to Maryland. Siesta Key Beach is rated as one of the top beaches in the US, but today it was shrouded in fog. You could barely see 100 yards in front of you, out to the Gulf or inland to the condos lining the beach. The fog was so dense that you could feel the moisture on your skin.
The fog made me think of vision. Having your vision become reality is like walking on the beach in a dense fog. You have this sense that you are going in the right direction, but you rarely see your exact goal in the distance. Your goals and vision may evolve and change over time as you keep heading forward. It’s much like Walt Disney’s vision of animated cartoons telling stories that later evolved into color feature-length films like Snow White and, ultimately, into theme parks like Disneyland.
Cognitively, you have this sense you are going in the right direction because your vision lines up with your beliefs and your aptitude. Your vision may well have come out of a crucible experience that makes you want to make a difference, perhaps so that other people won’t go through what you went through. But in your gut, you know this just makes sense. It is the right thing for you to do. You are on the right path.
To me the fog is beautiful. If there was no fog, we could see our goals and vision clearly and no faith would be required. People of faith think of the verse in Hebrews that says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” More broadly, we believe there is a plan and that somehow what we have been through is going to help others, or just simply that our lives will count for something.
So, we keep going, one step at a time, through the fog — not quite sure where we will end up, but confident that we are going down the right path. Sometimes, as we reach our goal or perhaps a key milestone, we see something unexpected. In this case, as I reached the end of the beach I saw this bush with shells hung on the branches. I have walked to this end of the beach many times before, but I don’t remember seeing shells on the bush. Perhaps it was always there, and I did not notice. Or perhaps it just came there during the mystery of the fog.
Reflection
Reflect on the vision you have. Spend five minutes and write down the vision that you feel is pushing you forward.
How much do your trust your vision and the path that is unfolding?
Assuming you do believe you are on the right path, how can you keep trusting the process? Who can you talk to that can encourage you to stay the course?
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Abraham Lincoln is commonly regarded by most historians as the greatest American President. The great Russian writer Leo Tolstoy said that Lincoln’s supremacy compared to other great leaders in history was due to “his peculiar moral power and … the greatness of his character.” Lincoln was able to assemble a great team and create an environment for them to succeed. The cornerstone of his leadership that enabled him to do this was his character.
Appointing a Team of Rivals
Lincoln had a profound sense of self-confidence mixed with humility. He knew who he was and was content within his own skin. This sense of inner confidence and contentment with who he was enabled him to appoint a team irrespective of what they thought of him. He was not easily threatened, nor was he insecure. This was most apparent at the beginning of his presidency when he appointed three rivals for the Republican nomination for president to three of the most important positions in his cabinet. William Seward was his main political rival and he appointed him to arguably the most important position in the cabinet, Secretary of State. Salmon Chase, a former governor of Ohio and US senator, was appointed as Secretary of the Treasury and Edward Bates was appointed as Attorney General.
What was amazing about these appointments, is that not only were these men his political rivals, but they each thought that the wrong man had been nominated for president by their party. They had rather a dim view of Lincoln and saw him as a relatively uneducated person from the wilds of Illinois. Lincoln, however, wanted the strongest cabinet possible, irrespective of their personalities or even whether they respected or liked him. He stated that “we needed the strongest men of the party in the Cabinet” and that he “had no right to deprive the country of their services.”
Few leaders appoint a team of people who were their rivals for the top position and who don’t necessarily respect them. It’s a risky move. These former rivals may well try to undermine the leader and may potentially still lobby for the leader’s position. Salmon Chase was the most difficult of his cabinet and did work to undermine Lincoln at times. In 1864, which was an election year, Chase and his supporters published a pamphlet very critical of Lincoln saying that Chase had “more of the qualities needed in a President.” Chase would often threaten to resign to reassert his authority. Eventually Lincoln accepted Chase’s resignation but ended up nominating Chase to be the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court in December 1864. Even Lincoln did not really want to do this, but he said that “there is not a man in the Union who could make as good a chief justice as Chase.”
Creating a Successful Environment
Lincoln not only picked a group of people with diverse skills to be in his cabinet, but he also created an environment for them to succeed. Lincoln was fiercely loyal to his team and would always support them. He would not let short-term political expediency make him sacrifice a key member of the team who deserved to stay. In 1862, the North suffered some military reverses. Members of Congress blamed the Secretary of State, William Seward, who in the early years of Lincoln’s presidency was seen as the power behind the throne. While Seward offered to resign, Lincoln calmly listened to his members of Congress and defended Seward against their accusations. Team members do not forget this kind of loyalty.
Lincoln also took input well. During Lincoln’s writing of the Second Inaugural Address after the 1864 election, Lincoln actually asked some of his team to give input into the address. Another example of Lincoln’s ability to receive input was shown by a meeting Lincoln had with a military officer who said that while he had not voted for Lincoln in the election, he would loyally support him. Lincoln said to the officer that “when you see me doing anything that for the good of the country ought not to be done, come and tell me so, and why you think so…”
By the end of Lincoln’s presidency and certainly after his death, the attitudes of Lincoln’s team had changed dramatically. William Seward, Lincoln’s key rival for the Republican presidential nomination, said Lincoln was “the best and wisest man he [had] ever known.” Edward Bates said that Lincoln “comes very near being a perfect man.” What accounts for such a turnaround in attitudes by Lincoln’s team? In summary, it was his character. Lincoln not only had this innate self-confidence, humility and self-awareness, but he took input well and was fiercely loyal to his team.
Learning from A Man of Character
What can we as leaders learn about organizational leadership from Lincoln? Appoint the best leaders to your team with a diverse set of skills and backgrounds irrespective of what they think of you. Your job is to set a clear vision and direction…and then win them over. The more secure you are and the more authentic and self-aware, the more you will build trust with your team.
It all boils down to your character as a leader. This is the key to assembling a great team and creating an environment for them to succeed. If you can’t be a leader of character who leads by example, you should not be a leader. It’s better to step out of the way and let a better leader, a leader of character, take your place.
Reflection
Examine your own character as a leader. Do you have the self-confidence to appoint a team with diverse skills, even if they may not even like you? If not, outline areas of deficiency (taking input, loyalty, delegation) and work up a plan to improve.
How good are you at taking input from your team? The next time you have a team meeting or are meeting with an employee individually, make it a point to listen first before you say anything.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
We have looked at several different areas of leadership. Some have been internal, such as character, and some have been external, such as vision. We have talked of the ‘being’ of a leader. Character, internal beliefs, and crucible experiences often lead to vision. But how do we make vision become reality? What about the ‘doing’ of a leader? That is where organizational leadership becomes important.
There are two key aspects of organizational leadership; selecting the right people and creating an environment for them to succeed. This is a huge part of the doing of a leader. Yes, the leader has to lead the way in coming up with the vision in the first place. They must also continually be the primary evangelist of that vision both within their organization and to the outside world — but this is not sufficient. One of the primary roles of the leader day-to-day is to find the right people and to create a cultural climate that ensures their success.
Finding the Right People
Conventional wisdom says the most qualified candidate is the person with the most experience and skills for the position in question. That is part of the equation but not the whole part. To find candidates who will really drive the vision forward, you need to first hire for character, then for mission, and then for skills. When we talk about character, you should look for team members that are honest, driven, and hardworking. You’ll want them to be team players, humble, and willing to take input. Second, they need to be absolutely sold out for the mission of your organization. If you are Southwest and your mission is to connect people and families at affordable prices, you really need to find candidates who passionately care about this mission. Lastly, your team should have the skills and experience that are required for their roles.
Another layer on top of hiring your team is to consider what kind of leader — indeed what kind of person — you are. You have to know your unique design and how you are wired. This will help you hire a team with complementary skills. If you are a take-charge leader who acts first and thinks later, you might want to hire a team with a more reflective approach. If you are more of a contemplative leader, you might want to have people around you that are more action-oriented. You want to have a team around you with complementary skills, approaches, and ways of thinking.
Creating the Right Environment
Once you have hired the right team, you have to create an environment for them to succeed. A number of companies have excellent visions, great missions, and good values, but the trouble is that they often don’t live them out. Enron suffered one of the biggest bankruptcies in US corporate history in the early 2000s. The CEO was convicted and sentenced to many years in prison and the company was accused of misleading its board and the public. Enron’s core values it claimed it had were respect, integrity, communication and, excellence.
For an organization to succeed, it must truly live its values and mission. It starts at the top with senior leaders modeling the organization’s values and mission in how they live and treat people. Senior leaders such as this will do everything they can to ensure that all the organization’s systems such as hiring, retention, promotion, compensation, and benefits all support the mission, vision, and values of the organization.
When you hire great people and give them a clear mission, you then must step out of the way. Talented, motivated, and driven individuals won’t be micromanaged. Hire the right people based on character, mission, and skills and let them help you make your vision happen. They might do their jobs differently than you would do it, but that is OK. If the job is getting done the right way (in harmony with the mission of the organization by people of good character), then let your team make it happen.
Cultivating a Thriving Organization
The beauty of successful organizational leadership is that it allows senior leaders to do what they love doing and what should be a big part of their job. It allows them to dream big visions and put plans in place to make them happen. When an organization is led by bold visionary leaders who put dreams into action, it motivates the rest of those in the organization even more. After all, these senior leaders have already hired the right people. They have also created an environment for them to succeed. The outcome is that the organization now has leaders leading boldly with a team eager and waiting to bring the vision of the organization to life. Isn’t that what everyone wants?
Reflection
Are you looking for character first when hiring? If not, consider redoing your hiring process to ensure people are hired for character, then passion for the mission, and then skills.
Are all areas of your organization supporting your vision, mission, and values? Take a few moments to do a thorough examination of all your systems (hiring, retention, promotion, compensation, and benefits) to ensure that they all support the vision, mission, and values you believe your organization must have.
Are you micromanaging or giving your talented and motivated team members the freedom to soar? If you’re micromanaging, re-examine if you have the right team in place that complements you.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Science fiction at its best holds the promise of what can be.
It is idealistic and hopeful. That is what vision, at least great vision, is about – a clear picture of a better tomorrow.
My first introduction to science fiction was through the movie “2001: A Space Odyssey,” which came out in 1968. From the very first scene, I was transfixed. Many technologies that did not exist at the time, but would exist decades later, were shown. So many touches are designed to make you feel like you are there. When Dr. Floyd is on the space station, he uses voice print identification, a technology that would not exist until the late 1990s. Later on, we see Dr. Floyd in a Bell telephone video conference booth to wish his young daughter back on earth a happy birthday. Affordable video conferencing with webcams came in the 1990s, while the iPhone, which would have video call technology, was launched in 2007. Later, we see three scientists in cryogenic hibernation on a spacecraft run by a highly sophisticated, emotionally intelligent talking computer named HAL. While we have computer devices we can talk to and get answers from like Siri or Alexa, we still don’t have sophisticated emotionally intelligent AI devices like HAL, at least not yet!
The world that is created within this movie gives such a precise picture of a better tomorrow. A great personal or professional vision is often like this – a clear picture of a preferred future and a better tomorrow. It feels so real that you can almost touch it. It feels so real that you would want to live there – you want that vision to happen now.
Another great example of this is the original “Star Trek” series that came out in 1966. The show imagines a world where a collection of planets has banded together under an organization called the United Federation of Planets. Within the Federation there are no wars or poverty. It’s almost a utopian society. Starfleet is the defensive, scientific, and exploratory arm of the Federation, composed of many spacecrafts. Starfleet’s mission in the original 1966 series was, famously, “to boldly go where no man has gone before.”
Science fiction at its best such as “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Star Trek” provide a great example of vision. It is bold and feels far removed from where we are, but yet also feels attainable. The clarity of the vision makes it seem so real. Who of us would not want a future with a more peaceful, inclusive society or with great technological advances?
We spoke in the last blog of how vision often arises out of something you feel must change, perhaps relating to a crucible experience. But vision can also arise out of something that you feel could happen. You lie awake at night dreaming about it. Start thinking about what is it that you would like to have happen. Think far into the future. What would life look like? Once you have that vision in your head, write it down. Fill in the details of the vision, so that you can almost feel it and touch it. You know you have arrived at a good vision when it feels almost impossible — but not quite.
The next step is to get a core team together who share the same vision. The technology or infrastructure may not yet exist to make all of your vision become reality. But get started on a piece of it. What can you do now? What is the first step?
The takeaway here is to let your imagination go. It may take time, even years, for your vision to become clear, but start today. Boldly go where no one has gone before.
Reflection
What is your vision of a better tomorrow?
Next Steps
What first step will you take to make the vision happen?
Below are some next steps to get started:
Write down what you feel would be amazing if it could happen.
Imagine a time a few years from now when your vision has become reality. Write down what you see or paint a picture of what life looks like in this vision.
Share your vision with a core team that believes in the vision. Ask them to add to it and make it better.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Finding Your Vision
Vision is a picture of a preferred future reality. It may seem almost impossible to achieve, but that is not a deterrent. You may not have a clear picture of what you want your vision to be or where you want to take your life, but you often have an idea, a thought. It calls out to you, compels you, and fills you with a passion unlike any you’ve felt before. I like to compare it to an impressionist painting more so than a photo. You can see colors and shapes, even if they are not well defined. You have a sense of what you want your life to look like and what your purpose should be. It’s exciting — propelling you forward with every thought.
The question many people will have is how you find your vision. Vision may come out of a crucible experience you have had. It’s often the most challenging and painful experiences in life that move people into finding their vision. Look at all the things you don’t like and want to change. Look at all the things you enjoy that you want to continue to serve. Out of all of those things, which are you really passionate about?
Forming Your Vision
So how do you form a vision that is so compelling, that you are so passionate about? I like to think that the best-formed visions live at the intersection of your deep-seated beliefs and your aptitude. It starts with being grounded in your fundamental beliefs. A vision that will go the distance must fulfill a higher purpose — something that you believe will make the world a better place. Circumstances such as crucible experiences often provide fertile ground for understanding who you really are and what innate gifts and abilities you have. Creating a vision for yourself that fully aligns with who you are sets the foundation for you to live and lead with uncompromised authenticity.
In an earlier blog post, I spoke of Walt Disney. He had a vision of a different kind of cartoon, cartoons like Snow White that would be full feature-length movies that would tell a compelling story. It helped that Walt Disney was an animator that could inspire others with the vision he wanted to achieve.
Vision can sometimes seem hard to define. But a vision that is anchored in who you are and what you believe, defined and refined by circumstances such as crucible experiences and fueled by a higher purpose, will become clear and grow over time. Walt Disney did not necessarily have a vision of everything he would achieve, but he was fascinated with animated cartoons and the ability to tell stories. He knew that there was promise there, he believed in what his vision was, and so he began the journey of turning it into a reality.
What we learn from Walt Disney is that vision may change, evolve, and grow into something greater or different than you originally intended, but this is alright. The important thing is to start. Begin with what you feel needs to change, perhaps as a result of a crucible experience, then take one step at a time. The vision will become more defined over time. Trust your instincts and trust the process as your vision begins to slowly evolve and take shape.
Making It Stick
Seeing your vision take hold and grow in clarity is not easy — it may take years. Inevitably there will be challenges and setbacks. So how do you keep going and persevere? It is critical that you have a support team that believes in you and your vision, people who are with you no matter what. It could be family members, or it could be the team that you are going to build the vision with. If the vision is all about you, you will probably find it hard to attract people to help you or be part of your vision.
To have staying power, you also have to believe in what you are doing. Always remember why you started this journey and why it’s important to you that you see it through. Don’t let fear or doubt hold you back. A vision that will go the distance must fulfill a higher purpose, something that you believe will make the world a better place. This will always help compel you and your team forward.
There’s no better time than now to begin your journey to finding your vision, forming it, and giving it the necessary ingredients to make it become a reality.
What dream do you have that you would like to become reality? Get out your paintbrush and start painting. Brush stroke by brush stroke, you will fill in your vision and bring it to life in ways you could never imagine.
Reflection
What do you really care about?
Next Steps
Write down what you believe must change. It may be from a crucible experience. It will be something that you believe will fulfill a higher purpose and will help others.
Write down the names of the core team that will help make your vision a reality.
Write down the first step you will take on the journey to making your vision come true.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Many of us find it hard to listen, especially when our minds are made up on a course of action. Leaders often find it hard to listen to their team when they are convinced they know what to do. “Stop holding me up! We need to move now!” We might have heard this before or even been the one saying this. But great leaders do listen to those around them. Their team will often have skills and experience that they don’t have.
George Washington was a great example of a leader who was impatient and wanted things to happen yesterday. Yet, albeit reluctantly, he listened to his team of commanders, many of whom had more military experience than he did.
From the latter half of 1775 to early 1776, Washington lay siege to the British forces in Boston. Time and again, he wanted to take the fight to the enemy and capture Boston. Each time, his key commanders said it wasn’t time. Washington was certainly frustrated, but each time he listened to his commanders.
In 1775, Boston was almost an island, connected to the mainland by a narrow causeway or neck. While the American forces barricaded the neck, the British were in something of an impregnable fortress.
Washington’s troops were not in great shape. As time wore on toward the end of the year, some were absent or sick. There were shortages of blankets, tents, and clothing. To make matters worse, many soldiers had enlisted until the end of the year of 1775, when it was assumed many would leave. While Washington did have some military experience, he had not led an army into battle. His experience and ability were not at the same level as his adversary, British General William Howe. Though perhaps a bit complacent, Howe was an able and courageous general. Washington’s army of volunteers was up against the might of the British army. This was not going to be easy.
Between September 1775 and February 1776, Washington convened four councils of war with his leading commanders. These commanders included experienced former British officers in Major General Charles Lee and Brigadier Horatio Gates. At each council, Washington would call for an all-out attack – but each time his commanders unanimously agreed not to attack. In February 1776, Colonel Henry Knox had somewhat miraculously brought 58 mortars and cannons from Fort Ticonderoga, New York, to the Boston area. Washington again wanted to attack the British in Boston, but still his commanders said no. Can you imagine how frustrated Washington must have been?
Little did Washington know, but his commanders had a daring and brilliant plan. In the dead of night on March 4, 1776, Washington’s commanders had over 3,000 troops, along with at least twenty cannons, scale the Dorchester Heights overlooking Boston and its harbor. By morning, the British were faced with American forces and cannons that could strike right into Boston and potentially fire upon the British ships in the harbor. The British position was untenable. British General Howe said, “My God, these fellows have done more work in one night than I could make my army do in three months.” That night the British were forced to leave with 120 ships carrying more than 11,000 troops, loyalists, and their families to Canada. Washington had achieved a bold and brilliant victory.
What can we learn from George Washington about listening and, in particular, listening to those around us? Washington was an impatient man with a fiery temper. He obviously wanted to capture Boston as quickly as possible, but when faced with the united opposition of his team, he wisely, if reluctantly, listened. To have attacked before he had the right equipment and the right strategy would have been foolish. Washington was up against an able opponent in British General Howe who had more battlefield command experience than he did. Washington, with good judgment, forced himself to be patient and listen to his team of able commanders.
For us, we may be convinced we know what we should do, yet we are often faced with challenging circumstances where mistakes can be costly. Listening to those around us, in some cases our team, will add perspectives and knowledge that we simply don’t have. No one can possibly have all the answers.
To put it simply, listening is typically the right play. Why wouldn’t we want to listen to people with knowledge and expertise that we don’t have?
Reflection
What can we learn from Washington and his ability to control his natural impatience?
What can we learn from how Washington listened to his team?
Can you think of a time you listened to those around you instead of yourself and it paid off?
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
To lead a life of significance an indispensable component is listening. Many endeavors in life require a jumping off point. It’s the point where you have to stop thinking and dreaming about what you want to achieve and make steps to achieving it. Good listening is essential to closing the gap between vision and reality.
If listening is so valuable though, why do so few of us really listen?
Lack of curiosity is the answer. Most people don’t care what other people think – but we should care. Few leaders or people in general listen well. They would rather listen to the sound of their own voices than to other people. The sad fact is so few people really want to listen. Therein lies a conundrum.
What can listening do for you?
To make your vision a reality often requires the input, feedback and buy-in of others. These individuals may work for you or with you. They may be your employees, business partners, associates, or your friends and family. Regardless, without the buy-in of others, typically your vision will go nowhere. In a word, it will be dead on arrival.
Gathering Input
Part of the reason for this is that by listening to others, it may make your vision better. By listening to others, you may find you hear ideas you have not thought of. You might learn of unexpected roadblocks or pitfalls before they happen. Wouldn’t you rather learn of future difficulties before they happen, than be in crisis mode when you have to deal with them in real time?
Receiving Feedback
Good listening also allows you to better understand what is going on around you. The feedback may be from close to home or far away. Either way, feedback is invaluable. You can decide how helpful feedback is from any particular source. But the act of seeking feedback is so important if you really want your vision to happen. One idea could revolutionize our own ideas and make them so much better.
Getting Buy In
Another reason listening is so crucial is that until people have been heard, they will not typically buy-in to your vision. When you allow people to be heard, there’s a chance your vision will change, but there’s also a chance it won’t. Once people have been heard, they may go along with your vision without any changes. At the end of the day, people just want to be heard and feel included.
It all boils down to the fact that if you want your vision to become reality, you have to really want to listen to others. The more you seek to understand the other person, put yourself in their shoes, have empathy for them, the more it will help you listen. We do not have to agree with the input of everyone, but we should want input. We should not be afraid of feedback, because it’s feedback that will help our vision become stronger.
The price of getting our vision accomplished is often our desire to listen…to really listen.
Reflection
Do you really want to listen?
How could listening make your vision so much better?
Who should you listen to?
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
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Letting go is not easy.
We yearn to cling to the familiar, the well-known, the safe. But moving forward often means letting go of the past. For me, this month is such a moment.
Fairwater, the house I grew up in on Sydney Harbor, was sold recently with the settlement being last month. It has been in my family since the early 1900s. It is a truly splendid home, with an amazing garden and an incredible view of Sydney Harbor, including the Sydney Harbor Bridge. It contains priceless artworks and furnishings. Over the years, there have been parties at Fairwater where notable people, including politicians, ambassadors and Hollywood stars, have been entertained.
But for me, Fairwater has so many memories of my parents and past generations. My father was born at Fairwater and died there. I remember on Christmas Eve we would gather around the piano in the Drawing Room, and sing Christmas carols. My father would always start to play the piano with two hands and then would inevitably go to one hand. He had learnt to play the piano many decades before and only played on Christmas Eve.
The hardest part is that Fairwater represents, in some sense, the culmination of the loss of Fairfax family memories, even identity. First there was the AUS $2.25B takeover of the family company, John Fairfax Ltd., that I launched in the late 1980s. Ostensibly the takeover was in part meant to preserve family control of the media business that had been under family control for a century and a half. The reality was that the takeover and its aftermath hastened the end of family control of John Fairfax Ltd. Then in the ensuing decades, Fairfax Media, like many newspaper companies around the world, faced some challenging times with the proliferation of digital media. This led to the recent merger of the Nine Network (similar to the NBC or CBS Networks in the US) with Fairfax Media. As part of the merger, the Fairfax name will cease to exist in the combined corporate entity, though the underlying newspapers such as the Sydney Morning Herald will continue.
It is the sale of Fairwater, the family home for several generations, that feels like the last straw. It’s the last body blow if you will. None of my siblings or I would want to live at Fairwater. To me, it represents a lifestyle of a bygone age, a bit like Downton Abbey. Still the sale of Fairwater has had an emotional impact on me.
What does all this have to do with Crucible Leadership and moving beyond failure? Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to let go. You have to let go of the past. For me, the past includes Fairfax Media, the Fairfax name associated with newspapers such as the Sydney Morning Herald, as well as Fairwater, the Fairfax family home for generations. It feels emotionally like all the memories and heritage are gone.
But that is not my life anymore. I have a wonderful family and a great life in Annapolis MD. I love the work I do as a reflective advisor and writer with Crucible Leadership. I feel called to the two non-profit boards I am on.
Yes, I am proud of my heritage, my family, and its legacy in Fairfax Media – but I have chosen to move forward and not wallow in the past or in my own mistakes and failures any longer.
To move forward beyond failure means you have to let go. Be proud of where you came from but let go of that which stops you from moving forward.
We are not defined by our past or our failures. We are defined by who we are now, where we are going, and the people we seek to serve in this world. This is where our focus should be. We must always try to keep our eyes on where we are headed and the higher purpose we seek to embrace.
Reflection
What memories do you need to let go of that might be holding you back?
What is your higher purpose that needs to be your focus, rather than your failures or painful memories of the past?
Who are you now that the world needs to see?
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
A World Lacking Authenticity
When you grow up amidst wealth and power as I did in a large family media business in Australia, you don’t always see a lot of authenticity. Amongst the rich and powerful, there can be a temptation to be who others want you to be. Outgoing, confident, in charge. Someone who has all the answers. Someone who can appear caring, but has the ability to not linger too long in any one conversation.
It is this experience that drives my passion for authenticity.
Putting on Airs
One of my highest values, along with humility and integrity,is authenticity. One of my most important goals in life is to be who I truly am, who I was designed to be. I don’t want to pretend to be anyone else. Like anyone I have my strengths and weaknesses. I have character traits that I am grateful to have and some I wished I didn’t have. But regardless, I want to be who I am. I want to be authentic.
I am reminded of a motto of the private boys school, Cranbrook, that I attended in Sydney, “Esse quam videri,” which means ‘to be rather than to seem.’ Growing up I often saw examples of ‘to seem rather than to be.’ People putting on airs to impress others and to create the appearance of self assured success.
It touched a deep nerve within me. I did not want to be like that. But who was I? It look me years to figure this out, to figure out who my true self was. It is not that I ever tried to be someone else. But growing up amidst the spotlight, often being around famous and prominent people, I was somewhat shy and diffident. Besides who I was and who I wanted to be seemed to be irrelevant questions. My calling in life, my duty was all laid out and was clear. I had to prepare myself to one day take a leading position within the large family media company. So I studied hard and did well in school. I went to Oxford like my father and other relatives before me, worked in banking on Wall Street and graduated from Harvard Business School. All to prepare myself for my future role.
But after my failed takeover bid, when I ended up losing control of the family media company, and moved to America, I started asking some difficult questions. Who was I? Was it OK to be me? What should I do now?
Who am I designed to be?
It has been a journey to fully understand who I was and who I was designed to be. In my case, it took quite a while. First to understand how I was wired, how I was designed. I was not the hard charging take no prisoners executive that I felt at the time that the family company needed. I am more of a reflective adviser. I would often prefer to listen and understand than to pontificate. I would rather advise and consult than be the leading figure in the middle of the action.
And second, to value myself as I was designed. It was tempting to feel bad about my gifts and talents, that I did not measure up to what was needed in the family company – that my design was lacking. But over time, I have realized that being a reflective adviser — rather than a hard charging corporate executive — was unique and valuable. There is peace in knowing your own design and that peace can give clarity in how to best apply your design.
So now, I try to lead a truly authentic life in light of my design. I try to be who I am. I serve others and lead a life of significance, though my writing, my executive coaching and through the advise I give being on two non-profit boards. I try to be involved in organizations whose missions I truly care about. I seek out opportunities where my design as a reflective advisor is beneficial and valued.
I am now at peace with who I am and do not yearn to be someone else. But it has been a journey.
Reflection
Are you truly being authentic to how you were designed?
Can you accept that it is OK to be you and not someone else?
What calling that you are passionate about would be best served by who you truly are?
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
