It is hard enough to find your mission, your purpose in life. But our mission, our purpose in life, can drift if left to its own devices. Years down the track, we might be a long way from where we started. But not by choice, by drift. Mission drift. For anyone passionate about devoting their life to a higher purpose, a cause that is focused on helping others — a life of significance — that is a sobering reminder. Mission drift can happen. To anyone. It’s a bit like an ocean liner: A slight shift in the rudder by a few degrees can lead to a significant change in course. You might have been heading to France, but you ended up in Iceland.
I am reminded of a book I read a while back called “Mission Drift” by Peter Greer and Chris Horst. This book dealt with the tendency of faith-based institutions to drift from their original missions. The authors refer to the original mission statement of Harvard University, founded in 1636, which, in part, says, “the main end of your life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ.” Eighty years after Harvard’s founding, some New England pastors felt that Harvard had drifted too far from its original purpose. They ended up founding Yale University.
The point of this story is not whether you think Harvard and then Yale’s drifting from its original missional statements is a good or a bad thing. It is that if your mission is going to change, or the mission of the organization or business you founded is going to change, you want it to happen on purpose, not by accident. Typically, those who start a business or organization that is based on a compelling vision that seeks to make the world a better place, do not want their mission to change. The way they help people may change. Their products and services may change. But their mission does not change. Southwest Airlines’ purpose is to “Connect people to what’s important in their lives through friendly, reliable, and low-cost travel.” Connecting families and friends through affordable, friendly, and reliable travel is still Southwest’s purpose. As their many customers would attest, they live their mission pretty well. The Walt Disney Company says that, “The mission of The Walt Disney Company is to entertain, inform, and inspire around the globe through the power of unparalleled storytelling…” You sense that Walt Disney himself would completely agree with that mission.
How do you stop mission drift? How do you ensure that the organization or business you founded stays true to its roots? Perhaps you have a mission that governs the choices you make in your career and your life. How do you stay true to your own personal mission?
It starts with having a mission that you have written down. It is something that you can recite off the top of your head without thinking when people ask you. For Crucible Leadership, for instance, the essence of our mission is to help people overcome failures and setbacks (their crucible moments) to lead lives of significance. Our goal is that everything we do should help to fulfill that mission. Whether it is an organizational mission or a personal mission, you need to review it regularly, at least once a year. You need to ask yourself and your team, “How does everything we do contribute to that mission?” Every person in your organization, when asked how their particular area contributes to the overall mission, should be able to give you a clear answer. If they don’t know, that is the wrong answer. Either they are the wrong person for the position, or their leaders have not helped them understand their role in the organization. It is also helpful to ask yourself and your team, “Why does the mission matter? Should we change it? What’s the point?” For instance, Southwest Airlines’ CEO could ask their senior team, indeed anyone at Southwest, does connecting people through friendly, reliable, and low-cost travel still matter? Is that what Southwest should still be about? I am sure everyone at Southwest would resoundingly say yes and be able to give reasons why that mission is still important.
When you have that conversation with yourself, your team, or with your friends in the case of a personal mission, it should become apparent if you have drifted from it. When you ask your team how does every area, every initiative line up with the mission, it should soon become clear if you have a problem. If there are some blank stares and several people say they are not sure, you have a problem. Or you may listen to your team justify why their areas line up with the mission, and you may be thinking, “I am not buying it!”
In most cases, certainly if you have the right team, if you are off course you won’t be the only person who sees that there is a problem. Perhaps it’s that your original vision may be a little fuzzy or perhaps outdated. If that’s the case, get together with your team and figure out a mission that you all can be off-the-charts passionate about. It should, from a Crucible Leadership perspective, be one that has an altruistic component that desires to make the world a better place. The missions of both Southwest and The Walt Disney Company both have that sense of altruism about their mission statements. These kind of mission statements last: they motivate, and you are less likely to drift from them. They are engraved on people’s hearts.
Then you need to ask yourself and your team why you have drifted from the original mission. Perhaps you had some large customers that wanted a product or service that was outside of the mission. Perhaps investors have influenced that decision. Some might say to forget the altruism — it is all about the bottom line. In most cases, unless you have a compelling motivating mission, it will be harder to get great employees on board who will stay, or indeed to motivate customers that you are selling more than a product or service, that you are indeed helping to make the world a better place. Both Southwest and The Walt Disney Company have been financially very successful. There is a reason for this. They have stayed true to their hope-affirming mission.
Then together with your team, create a plan that, over time (it could take a year or more), helps your organization get back on mission. If you have team members who don’t buy into that mission, it is better to let them go. You are not doing your organization, your team, yourself, or them any favors by keeping them.
An often-overlooked facet of ensuring that your organization stays on mission is to look at the structures you have in place. For instance, what type of board members and senior leaders do you have in your organization? It does not matter how capable they are or how impressive their resumes are. If they are not fully invested in the mission of your organization, they should not be there. That is as true for the CEO or executive director and their teams. They have to be fully onboard. To the degree that an important constituency is outside investors, don’t assume that they won’t understand the importance of having an altruistic motivating mission. You just have to make the business case of why it makes sense.
In summary, examine your mission. Is it still relevant today? Is every area of your organization in line with that mission? Does every person in the organization fully embrace the mission? Do you have the right board and key employees in place who believe in the mission? If there has been mission drift, have you crafted a plan to get the organization back on track; or in the case of a personal mission, have you come up with a plan to get your career and life back in line with your mission? Just remember: Mission drift is rarely a good thing. It doesn’t often happen on purpose.
Reflection
Have you or your organization drifted from your original mission?
Do you have the right team around you who are fully committed to that mission?
Have you crafted a plan to get your organization or your own life and career back on track?
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Devastating crucible experiences robbed him of his lifelong dream to be a Top Gun Navy fighter pilot and bankrupted the multi-million-dollar business he created years later. Then, just when John Ramstead thought he had his life back on track, a freak horseback-riding accident left him with crushed ribs, broken bones in his neck, a punctured lung, and a torturous 23 surgeries during a a 20-month stay in a traumatic brain-injury hospital. In this interview with Crucible Leadership founder and BEYOND THE CRUCIBLE host Warwick Fairfax, Ramstead shares that as physically and financially shattering as those moments were, the emotional toll was even more painful. It was only after finding hope through his reinvigorated faith that Ramstead was able to find his life’s calling: not striving to raise his profile, but working to raise the profiles of others. He now helps other leaders find their purpose through his coaching practice Eternal Leadership, hailed by Inc. as one of the top leadership voices in the country.
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Transcript
Gary S:
Well, welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I’m Gary Schneeberger, your cohost and the communications’ director of Crucible Leadership, and we’re really thrilled that you’re here with us today for what’s going to be, we think, a very enlightening, very inspiring conversation. With me as always is the founder of Crucible Leadership and the host of Beyond the Crucible, Warwick Fairfax. Warwick, we’ve got a good episode today.
Warwick F:
Absolutely. Very much looking forward to it and thanks John so much for being here.
John R:
Yeah. My pleasure Warwick.
Gary S:
The John that Warwick referred to is John Ramstead, and I’m going to introduce him in a minute, give him the introduction that he deserves, but we have a little form that we use here at Beyond the Crucible to ask people their background and experience and one of the questions we ask is what has been the crucible experience that has most shaped your life? That’s one of the questions we ask, is we focus on crucible experiences and overcoming those. Learning to leverage the lessons of those who live a life of significance. We asked John like we ask everyone what has been the one crucible experience that has most shaped your life? And John’s first answer was, “There are many.” With a smiley face emoji.
Gary S:
So, that will give you a just a little bit of taste, listener, for what we’re going to hear today. John’s had some robust crucible experiences and we’re going to unpack those and talk about those and I think you’ll find some great insight there for your own efforts to move beyond crucibles, to live a life of significance. So, let me tell you who John Ramstead is. John has been married for 30 years to his best friend, Donna and has three incredible boys. It has been eight years since a near fatal accident changed the trajectory of his life. Without the incredible support of God, his family, and amazing friends he would not be the person he is today. As he recovered, John sought discernment as to why God saved him and what he now wants him to do. God gave John a clear new calling, pour the life he’s been given into others, leaders to equip and inspire them for work in his kingdom.
Gary S:
John’s deep faith in his many years as a Navy fighter pilot, entrepreneur, Fortune 500 leader and board chair have been redirected into an amazingly successful coaching practice and popular leadership podcast. He has been named by Inc. Magazine as one of the top 12 leaders to listen to. That is very impressive, John. So Warwick, take the reins and let’s dive into John’s story.
Warwick F:
Yeah. I mean that really is impressive from what you’re doing now with the Eternal Leadership and Navy fighter pilot, software company. I mean, you’ve done a lot and you’ve had a number of crucible experiences. You’ve almost run the gamut from business challenge to challenges in the Navy and then more recently horse riding accident. I mean, you get the whole concept of crucible experience. You probably understand it more than you’d like to, I’m guessing.
John R:
Yeah. Warwick, I’m a lifelong learner. So, I need to create opportunities to learn.
Warwick F:
I think you’re probably saying, “If there’s somebody out there, I’ve got it now. Okay. No more lessons, please.” But, yeah. Have you wanted to start… Tell us a bit about your story in particular, your crucible experience/experiences.
John R:
Why don’t we start back at the beginning?
Warwick F:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
John R:
I just remember, growing up it was really interesting. I guess one of the big things I’ve learned, if I actually would look at this thread that runs through everything and how I’ve been able to keep moving forward I guess is really these three areas. The first one is always being able to have worthwhile goal or dream, a destination that I’m striving toward. The other one was trying to really understand who I truly was, not who everybody else thought I should be or even the person I saw in the mirror relative to maybe who God saw there often was a big gap. I really think the bigger the gap in our life between our real self and our ideal self, the more stress and anxiety that we feel. In aviation also it is impossible to navigate or even make course corrections unless you have a True North.
John R:
You have to have something that allows you to either set a course or make a correction if you get off course, and there’s been times in my life where I’ve been in touch with all three or I’ve let them go, and I think that’s where I’ve gotten off in challenges, but just early on Warwick, it was absolute dream of mine when I was a little kid to be a fighter pilot, but I’ll never forget it. As I was four years old, I was crawling up the stairs of… My folks had just bought a new house. It was under construction. I’m halfway up the stairs to the second floor and I can see through the stairs all the way down into the basement, and I was convinced I was going to fall through the gap in the stairs and crash into the basement. I absolutely froze, my dad sitting there encouraging me, and I started shaking.
John R:
He comes down and carries me to the top of the stairs. That made such an impact. Even when I was in middle school, when the house was finished and they’re closed in and carpeted, I’d have to run up those stairs two at a time to get to my room. I had this crazy fear of heights to the point where I didn’t even want to play with any of the kids in the neighborhood. They even just stopped coming to play with me and so how I internalized all that is, I’m just this loaner, this outcast. Nobody likes me, and so that’s where I started and I have this dream of being a fighter pilot. I’ll never forget. It was my senior year in high school, I didn’t have a lot of friends because how I saw myself and our class trip we decided we’re going to go cliff jumping. I’m like, “Oh my God. No.”
Warwick F:
Oh, no. That’s awful.
John R:
I’m like, “That’s the last thing I want to do, but this is going to be the last thing I do in high school.” So I get to this Taylors Falls, Minnesota. Gary might be familiar with it on the other side of the State.
Gary S:
Yep. Yep.
John R:
And I’m at the top of this 100 foot cliff. My fear is keeping me totally away from the edge. Nobody is going to jump off this thing. I’m like, “Okay, good. I’m not alone.” I look at my one good friend and I said, “Dude…” I was kidding by the way. I said, “Dude, we should jump off the cliff.” He goes, “Great idea.” Grabs my wrist and runs toward the edge, dragging me all the way. The next thing I know, I am airborne, I am weightless, I’m terrified. It was two and a half seconds till I hit the water. It felt like eternity.
Warwick F:
How high do you think those falls were? I mean, it was-
John R:
It was 100 feet.
Warwick F:
100 feet. Right. Right.
John R:
It was 100 feet. There was a plaque there.
Warwick F:
Oh, no.
John R:
So when I hit the water, because I went back and calculated it was 52.7 miles per hour, and here’s what happened. What started to shatter this identity that I had built that I can’t make big choices, I can’t do cool things, it just started to change things. So, when I was in college on a ROTC scholarship, I took a huge bet on myself to be able to go and apply for Navy flight school. I was on a ROTC scholarship. You’re there outside of Annapolis with the Naval Academy as I got into the Naval Academy, but what I found out is they don’t have beer there Warwick. So I went to college on a ROTC scholarship.
John R:
I ended up getting into flight school and it was a very long process, put in a ton of work, but I ended up getting orders to fly the F-14. You can see the picture up here behind me and went and flew in Desert Storm. It was the end of my cruise, we’re coming back toward where I was stationed in Japan. We pulled into Australia, Sydney, and Perth a number of times. I’m walking out of my commanding officer state room. I’m absolutely on cloud 9. I’ve never been more fired up my life because he told me that, “You John, are getting the orders to go to Top Gun. You’re the guy.”
Warwick F:
Wow.
John R:
I couldn’t even sleep that night.
Warwick F:
I imagine.
John R:
Now the next weekend I’m playing softball and I hear somebody yell, “Watch out.” I turned, and a line drive was coming screaming straight at my head. I couldn’t get out of the way and it hits me in the right eye. I have a blowout fracture to my eye and nerve damage gives me double vision. I lose my medical clearance and within 12 months the Navy had processed me out and here I am. This is my first real big crucible moment. I can’t find a job anywhere. I’m a pilot who can’t fly. I’m an engineer, I have electrical engineering degree and I don’t know how to engineer. So I got a job selling cell phones.
John R:
So I’m knocking on doors in the neighborhood near the Navy base hoping somebody’s at home to sell them a cell phone and the sounds of my dreams are roaring overhead and I’m looking up there going, “That’s where I should be.” I think that was one of the lowest points in my life. When your dreams are ripped away, your identity, because being a fighter pilot was my identity. That was ripped away. I didn’t know who I was. I had no idea how to set even a next goal. I was functionally depressed. I wouldn’t say I was suicidal, but man, I was probably about as close to that depth as you can get and I had to rebuild my entire life and I didn’t know how to do it at that point. That was my entry into my first crucible moment.
Warwick F:
What were you feeling? I mean, were you angry, depressed? Like, “How could this happen?” Were you thinking to that guy that said, “Hey, watch out.” “If he hadn’t said watch out, the ball might have hit me on the side of the head. Maybe it would’ve had a concussion, but it wouldn’t have hit my eye.” I mean, what were the thoughts that were going through your mind when this happened?
John R:
Oh yeah, I blamed him, but then he actually perished in an accident. It was a very dangerous profession, but I did realize that, that’s not his fault, but let me tell you, so this is the power of just being in community, I think even a podcast like this because I know a lot of people might feel like, “Man, I’m in the middle of the storm right now.” There was a gentleman who reached out to me during this time who didn’t know me and just took an interest in me and he started mentoring me. He introduced me to some of his friends that had mentored him, so now I have these three amazing guys that are all successful. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer and one is an education and they just on their own started spending time with me. What am I good at? What do I want to do next? Starting to connect to who I am.
John R:
You know what? These guys were all Christians, they’re all believers, because at the time I’ll tell you this, I would have never stepped foot in a church. I was mad at God. I was mad at life. I was mad at the Navy. I mean, what do you do? You’re in denial and I had no idea what was next, but they started getting me help just to get some clarity on what are some of those things that I’m passionate about because you can’t fly anymore. What are those things that you’re good at? What would be fulfilling? I couldn’t think long term at the time but just in the short term other than making a paycheck and these three guys helped me absolutely reconnect at the time to the best I could to who I was, and that’s when I moved back to Minnesota from San Diego because I was in the Navy in San Diego, to start a company with my friend, and it was these three guys because they had helped me so much that actually led me to my faith and I got to tell you, they are still in my life, Warwick.
John R:
My wife and I a few months ago, because this was, oh my goodness, this was in ’94. So what’s that? 25 years ago. We flew back to San Diego just a couple months ago and me and the three guys, their wives and my wife. So the eight of us all spent a weekend together and I just wanted to celebrate with them that the fact they took their eyes off themselves and focused on me when I needed the most, they changed the entire trajectory of my marriage, my faith, how I parented my kids, how I started to get a sense of self worth. So, I’ll tell you this, at the time I didn’t realize it, but two of those guys at the time were going through some pretty hard stuff. That’s also something I’ve learned is when you’re in a crucible moment helping others that are in that moment too helps you focus outside of being in your head, and I got to tell you, that has been a big deal for me.
Warwick F:
I mean, what you’re saying is so profound because I’ve certainly found as I’ve used my own crucible experience of losing 150 year old billion dollar family business, which was really more than the money, just losing a business that was founded by a strong believer. I mean it was just devastating, and it took me years, probably a lot longer than it did you, but to think of it that way and begin to help people, but when you think about those three other guys, it feels almost like a miracle. You should probably ask yourself, “What would have happened to my life if those three guys hadn’t come in to my life?” I’m sure you’ve probably thought about that, right? I mean, what would the trajectory of your life have looked like without them?
John R:
That’s a tough question. Well I’ll tell you this though Warwick, because it definitely still took years. I mean there was times even 10, 15 years later, that question that people love to say, “Hey, if you could change one thing…” And I hate the question because guess what? You can’t.
Warwick F:
No.
John R:
I might be able to go back and say, “Okay. Did I learn something different?”
Warwick F:
Right.
John R:
But I got to tell you that decision to get out of the Navy because they did tell me if you stay in and it gets better, here’s insult to injury. So take the crucible moment and go out of the frying pan into the fire.
Warwick F:
Yeah.
John R:
They said, “If you stay in the Navy, you can’t go back into a flying job right now because you have double vision, but you can stay in and we would put you as part of a ship’s crew for a year. Now, if the day you got those orders your vision came back, you’d still have to finish up the year.” Okay. So I chose to get out. I actually made the choice instead of giving it a go. Six months after I get out, what do you think happens?
Warwick F:
Your eyesight’s okay.
John R:
The double vision goes away.
Warwick F:
Oh, no.
John R:
So if I had stayed in, I would’ve had a career as a fighter pilot. I’d probably be an Admiral today, and that was just always haunting me. What I realized as I got older, I had to start looking at, I guess life circumstances, right? And realize that it’s not a success or failure. I didn’t fail in making that decision. I had to start saying everything has a context. Everything has a reason. Everything is actually preparing me. This is how a lot of growth and maturing you can tell, is preparing me to do today. If some of those experiences had not happened, I hadn’t had to work them through, I know for a fact, there’s people that I’m coaching and working with today, I would not be able to serve as well had I not gone through something like that.
John R:
Now it’s a lot easier to look at some of those things in hindsight versus when you’re going through them, but when you’re going through them and even makes it like harder, but I got to tell you those three guys reaching out to me, you know what? And if you don’t know anybody who’s out there listening, nobody’s ever reached out to me and said, “Hey, let’s grab coffee.” How about this? Because I’ve had to do this in some other moments is go find somebody at church, somebody who might be in your rotary group, an old friend and just say, “I need to talk. I need somebody to help me just process through some of these things.” Because what I’ve found is going through crucible moments, it is a team sport and if you don’t have somebody there with you, I don’t know how I would’ve done it, trying to do it alone, if that makes sense.
Gary S:
And this is an interesting point that you both just brought up in the anecdotes that you were sharing. Warwick, you said that your crucible experience and you had an aside, you said it probably took longer than you John. John, you then said that this happened a couple of decades ago and you’re still going through it. It’s important for listeners to hear that when you’ve had a crucible experience, as Warwick says, it changes the trajectory of your life and that is often, maybe frequently, maybe most of the time, not a quick, easy, it’s over and done after a little bit of a process. One of the things that we talk about at Crucible Leadership is a refining cycle. Something that you go through as you assess what your vision is, how to make your vision a reality. Those are things that are constantly in churn as you’re going through experience, and it sounds John, like that is exactly what happened to you. It was not, “Okay. My health has been restored, guys who helped me out, let’s go do something different.” You’re still in some ways walking in that aren’t you?
John R:
Yeah. Warwick, wouldn’t you say it’s almost like a grieving process because you lost-
Warwick F:
Yes.
John R:
… that opportunity, that part of your life, that piece of your identity and I don’t know, maybe others can, but I’ve never been able to just flip a switch and go, “Okay. Well, next.”
Warwick F:
No. I mean-
John R:
I’d like to be able to do that, but I don’t think that’s the way it works.
Warwick F:
I think what you’re saying is so profoundly true. I mean, we’re very different. I’ve never been in the Navy, but that sense of, my whole life I was groomed to go into the family business, I did my undergrad at Oxford like my dad and other relatives, worked on Wall Street, went to Harvard Business School. It was all about preparing myself. It’s funny, I’ve never been in the military, but the whole duty, honor, country thing, I mean I’m wired that way. My life may be over in the process, but I will give it up for the cause. I mean, I don’t know if that’s a healthy or unhealthy way of thinking, but I’m certainly wired that way. So yeah, when I came to faith in Christ when I was at Oxford, the whole idea well clearly there’s a plan is to resurrect the company in the ideals that the founder who was a strong businessman for Christ, elder of his church, you could ever find.
Warwick F:
So when that went under, it was a bit like you with the Navy. It was a grieving process, and one of the things you said, I think will be very helpful for listeners to reflect on is I’ve thought, because I’m a very reflective person, what if I’d handled things differently, hadn’t done the sort of ambushed take over, I talked to my family members, here’s what I’m thinking. I don’t know that it would have worked, but you never get to play out the what ifs. I think that for me, I’m not really wired to run a huge company. It was probably good that I wasn’t involved, but you never get to play out the what ifs. If I’d made different decisions, the person I am now would have handled things a lot differently than when I was 26 years old would have made different decisions, but you don’t know if it would have made things better or worse because there were inherent challenges there.
Warwick F:
So, the first thing I think is really, you never get to redo all of this. So it’s important to reflect, but you can’t reflect in the sense of what could have happened. It’s unknowable. The other thing you said which is so profound is being willing to get advice. I know a lot of people, especially when I was that age, that don’t like to listen to older people. I never was like that. I had older folks who were mentors and over the course of my life, it’s so helpful. Input is so good. So, yeah. That’s so helpful what you said, John.
John R:
Thank you.
Gary S:
So, among the crucible moments that you listed John, when you said that there are many, first one was obviously your Navy experience and it’s fascinating to me because Crucible Leadership talks about overcoming crucible moments that are both failures and traumas, tragedies, things that happened to you. Clearly this accident was something that happened to you, it was a physical thing, but you go on to list some failure type situations that are more related to your business experience. You say that your first entrepreneurial venture with a friend imploded. That you started a software company working 80 hours a week to have it wiped out when the economy crashed. Listeners who have had either one of those experiences, you’ve had both of those kinds of experiences in your life. You’ve had failures-
John R:
Yeah. Thanks for bringing that up Gary.
Gary S:
… and you’ve had…. Well, but we bring it up only because it can help the folks who are listening in. So, you get beyond the accidents, you get beyond your career in the Navy, you launch into a career in business and crucibles find you there. What was that like?
John R:
That was a really challenging time. My eyesight had come back. I could have gone and flown for the airline. So I actually decided to go do that and my first year as an airline pilot, I made $16,000. Think about that.
Gary S:
Wow.
John R:
Okay. That’s the guy flying you around and we had two kids and my wife wanted to be a stay at home mom. So, I moved back to Minnesota. My friend said, “Hey, help me start this company.” And what I decided to do is I didn’t know which one I wanted to do, fly or entrepreneur. I bid to fly only on weekends and I would work every week day at this company. So, literally for two years I did not have one day off because as a junior airline pilot, you get all the holidays. Now I started making more at this company. I was still healing even though I had this great mentorship. Warwick, you said it takes time. I was still not in a good place. I mean, I was still bitter, resentful. I would argue. I had my approach on how I thought things should go. He had things that he wanted to do. They were often at odds. Going into a partnership it’s like going into a marriage. I didn’t know any of this.
Warwick F:
Right.
John R:
And through that we ended up, just because there was this constant tension between he and I not only driving the company into the ground, but it ended up destroying that friendship, and by the way, that was the guy that I jumped off the cliff with back in high school.
Warwick F:
Oh my gosh.
John R:
So I mean, this was a close friendship. It was hard. I blamed him 100%. It was all his fault. How dare he, I’ll guarantee that he felt the same way. Now coming out of that train wreck because I was like, “Okay. What’s next?” Now there was a gentleman who saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself and he wanted me to come on to a startup data mining software company to be head of sales and operations for North America. I felt like I had completely out kicked my coverage. Right? But I got to tell you what. So I figured, you know what? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I have my electrical engineering degree. I know how to learn and I can outwork anybody around me. So yeah, I put in 60, 70, 80 hours a week. For two and a half years, we took this from an idea to a million dollars a month in sales.
John R:
My personal net worth on paper was $17 million. My wife and I were doing the happy dance. We have our golden parachute. We’re already planning this amazing future, what we were going to do, what we were going to give away, and then the internet bubble popped and within 90 days we closed the doors on that company. So everything I’d put in, all my own personal money gone, starting over again, and I’m like, “What the heck?” I mean, come on, fighter pilot, my first attempt, my second attempt, it’s like, man, I just didn’t get the entrepreneur gene, but I got to tell you it was in that moment as I’m really picking up the pieces, I’m like, “You know what? I’m not going to be an entrepreneur anymore. I’m just going to get a job.” But that’s when that understanding of really connecting to having a worthwhile destination, that goal to really understanding not only who I was, but who Christ sees when he looks at me. What is my true identity? Because there was a gap.
John R:
There was a huge gap between who I was, who I wanted to be and who others saw me as, but I also had a connect to that True North, and for me that was really reconnecting to my faith, and what happened is I ended up getting a job at a Fortune 100 technology company just as a sales rep. I did not want to have people reporting to me. I wanted to show up, punch in because I was hurting. I was licking my wounds, but what happened was, I think when you’re kind of wired to leadership and you have some good people skills, I kept getting promoted into district management, area management on and on and on, and it was in that period of time I also was seeking out mentorship. In the beginning, I was really connected to these concepts of keeping my goals and dreams focused in front of me. What’s important, that True North and who I was. Over time as I started getting promotions and more pay and accolades and things like this, I started giving myself the credit instead of giving God the credit and I drifted away from these.
John R:
Instead of being the person I wanted to be that was my true self, I started adapting to who I thought they wanted me to be, who I thought I should be, right? My True North became the priorities of the company versus my own and the goals were honestly just to get more recognition and make more money, and you can imagine that was a place instead of getting slammed off course, like kind of happened earlier in my career, that set myself up to just slowly drift because I went from this technology company to take a promotion, to go to a Wall Street. I worked on Wall Street Warwick, for a number of years, but I would tell you that during this period of time I drifted so much. Instead of taking my plane off to land in LA, I was ending up somewhere over Antarctica, just drifting aimlessly and I didn’t know how to get back.
Warwick F:
And this is again such an important point for listeners to realize there’s a book you may have come across called Mission Drift. It’s more of a faith based perspective, but just here, sometimes we get slammed in the face so to speak, or at least he literally did, but sometimes a bit like the analogy of a lobster boiling, it’s slowly dying. It doesn’t realize it and that’s very often what happens in life. Sometimes people believe that it’s a battle between good and evil and you can look at it that way more generally. It’s just easy to get off track. You have this goal, an ideal, and you get promoted and get more money and typically, you don’t wake up one morning and say, “Yep. The True North is going to go in the garbage can.” Right? “I’m going to ditch all that.” And you never consciously said that bit by bit, and so that’s all of us. We can all be that. We have to really on a regular basis, get in touch with what is our True North? What is our overall vision? Have people around us that’ll shoot straight with us.
Warwick F:
For me if I had those people, sometimes I ask, well if you could ask yourself all those tough questions because like you, I do a lot of executive coaching, back in my newspaper days, would that have helped? And I said, “Well, back then I don’t know that I would have listened frankly. Probably wouldn’t have.” But you never know. But anyway, that’s such an important point. I know, we want to focus a bit on just what you’re doing now and just some of what you’ve mentioned that last crucible experience, which is a huge one, was it 2010, 2011? You had a-
John R:
Yeah. 2011. So, I had drifted to this place over Antarctica, I call that the land of smoldering discontent.
Warwick F:
That’s well said.
John R:
Right? I think I was in a crucible moment, yet I didn’t realize it Warwick, right? Because everything from the outside looked great but I was so disconnected. I mean, I recently saw a survey, there was 83% I think of the Americans that on Sunday night before going to work have a mental or physical negative reaction just thinking about work. That’s where I was at, and so I was stuck. I actually just left the Wall Street firm to start another company with some amazing people. I figured this is what was going to fix my discontent, starting another company, amazing team. I’d been there for five months and I get invited to go to a business retreat up in Montana. I’m in Colorado up at this ranch and I get saddled on a horse.
John R:
We’re going to go for a docile trail ride to the back to have lunch and all of a sudden my horse had other plans. He started trotting away from the fence out into this big open area and all of a sudden he bolts and he takes off and I’m laying flat on my back and his rump is pounded me in the shoulder blade and I was scared to death. I was going to flip off the back of the horse and get kicked in the head. So, the only thing I could think of, and that was to squeeze with my legs as hard as I can. Now all the horse people in the audience know exactly what I just did. Are you horse people?
Warwick F:
No.
Gary S:
I’m not. I have a-
John R:
Okay. So when you squeeze a horse with your legs, you are telling him to go faster.
Warwick F:
Oh, no.
Gary S:
Ooh. I hadn’t known that.
John R:
I’m a guy, I didn’t read the owner’s manual, I’m just telling you right now. So-
Warwick F:
That’s so funny.
John R:
… so, he responded, man. He hit full afterburners. He launched and I’m just hanging on. I get my weight back up in the saddle and I’m looking straight ahead and there’s a steel corral fence about 60 yards in front of me and we’re heading straight at it. So I reached down and it’s clear to my left, I grabbed the reins and I pull him to turn. I’m like, “No big deal. I don’t like going this fast on a horse, but we’ll get him to turn.” And he pulled his head straight back and didn’t even break stride. I was like, “Oh. Oh.” So I grabbed the rein, I pulled even harder and he snaps his head back and goes even faster. I didn’t even know he had another gear. He did not break his direction. He was still at the fence. I literally started panicking like, “I got to jump off this horse. If I don’t jump off this horse, I’m going to break my neck. I don’t want to break my neck.” Literally. I mean, I’ve been in combat, I’ve raised three teenagers.
John R:
I mean, nothing has prepared me for this moment and all of a sudden I had this moment of clarity. Everything slows down. Full speed. Wind in my hair, hooves thundering 20 yards in front of the fence, and I remember thinking very clearly, this is not going to end well and that’s the last thing I remember. The horse goes into the fence and he drops his butt, he bucks so hard, he flips over and he slams into the fence. Rump first, hurts himself, but when he does that, he launches me Superman face first into a three inch steel beam that hits me across my skull from my teeth up through my left eye socket and I lost eight teeth.
Warwick F:
Oh my gosh.
John R:
I broke every bone in my skull virtually except for my jaw and my right cheekbone. I broke my neck, I shattered my shoulder and then the second bar down hit me in the rib cage. I crushed the entire left side of my rib cage. I broke four ribs and punctured my left lung and we found out later from multiple doctors at Level 1 trauma center, “That what happened to you is not survivable and even if you had survived, the best case scenario you should have been like Christopher Reeves for the rest of your life.” In their estimation.
Warwick F:
So they thought that you-
John R:
So what happened was-
Warwick F:
… should either be dead or a quadriplegic?
John R:
Dead or quadriplegic. Absolutely. Just the damage that was in my head, neck, skull, everywhere. I woke up on the ground in more pain that I can even put into words. The people around me were holding down my head, my shoulders, my hips. I could feel their hands. I could hear them talking, praying, event with Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family. I didn’t know that I was just screaming and yelling and riling around. I was trying to get away from the pain. You know that saying, God won’t give you more than you can handle?
Warwick F:
Yeah.
John R:
It’s not true. That’s my opinion.
Warwick F:
Yeah. I hear you there.
John R:
That’s where I was and all of a sudden in that moment of being beyond what I even could conceive, that I could endure, I was in God’s presence and it was the most intense and unconditional personal between father God and me, John love. It was almost like the fabric of the universe was made out of this love and I got to touch it. I didn’t even know how bad my body was crushed. When I felt God’s presence, the first thing I thought was, “I am not worthy of somebody loving me like this.” That was the first thought I had and then I felt this peace, you know that peace that passes all understanding that you hear about?
Warwick F:
Yeah.
John R:
It was washing over me like being at the edge of the beach and you’re right there at the edge of the sand and the waves are coming in. It had a weight to it, it almost had a color to it. I almost want to say purple, but that’s not right, but as this washed over me, all that pain and panic and fear was completely gone. It wasn’t even a memory. I mean it was just gone and then God spoke to me, but one thing I do want to share with you in that moment, one of the things reflecting back on it was that relationship that he already had with me, that he was inviting me into, everything I’ve ever done in my life, good, bad, ugly, whatever, was not even relevant to his love for me and the relationship he has for me. That was a profound revelation for me was that this isn’t something I could have earned or had a better relationship if I had done things maybe differently in my life.
Warwick F:
Oh.
John R:
The other thing that was profound for me too was understanding in that moment the true nature of God, because somebody asked me, “How would you have described him in this moment?” And I said, “The first word that pops into my head is a friend.” And my whole life I always thought of God like the commanding general, right?
Warwick F:
Sure.
John R:
He’s got your back, he’s got your best interest in mind, he sets everything in order, but you don’t go up to him and say, “Hey sir, I’m having a bad day. Can I have a hug?” It just doesn’t work that way in the military. That was how I viewed him. Anyway, so then all of a sudden he spoke to me and it was words that came from everywhere and nowhere, and it wasn’t to my ears. It was just flowing through me, and what he said was, “All things work together for good for those that love the Lord.” Which comes from Romans 8, and then he said, “John, I’m going to heal you and use this for my glory. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
John R:
As soon as he said that, I knew my left eye was permanently blinded. It still is today. All the bones behind the eye sockets shattered and severed the optic nerve, and then I woke up and I just said calmly to everybody there, I said, “God’s here. You don’t have to worry. It’s going to be okay.” And they’re like, “Ah. Wah.”
Warwick F:
“How can you possibly say that?” That’s what they were thinking.
John R:
The EMT didn’t think I was going to survive till life flight showed up.
Warwick F:
Wow.
John R:
But here’s what I learned through that was I’ll never forget, I ended up spending five weeks in ICU and then 20 months at a specialty hospital here in Denver with a severe traumatic brain injury. I had 23 surgeries. I had my skull taken off a couple of times for some craniotomies. I mean, it was a mess. My wife was my caregiver. I mean, there’s so many things we could probably talk about, but here’s one thing that really was transformative for me was laying in the hospital bed, the neurosurgeon walks in and says, “We need to do an emergency craniotomy. All right. John’s just not going to make it.” He’s explaining all the reasons. Here’s what I heard, even though I just been in God’s presence, what I heard was, “The chances of John making it are very low.” What he told my wife is also, “The chances of him being the person you remember are not very good.”
John R:
And then he asked my wife if I had a current will and living will and we had just redone it. I was supposed to sign it literally after I got back home from this trip from Montana, she explained that to the neurosurgeon. He goes, “Well, we can wait. It’s important. We can put off the surgery till the morning. Can you go call your attorney and see if we can have it FedEx up here.” Which is what they did. I actually signed it. I don’t even know if it had been legal. So they leave the room. I’m laying in my bed, even though God had just told me he’s got a plan for me. What I’m convinced in that moment is next weekend’s my funeral.
Warwick F:
Oh my gosh.
John R:
And I started playing the whole movie. I’m 45 years old. I’m like, “Hey, everything they say at the front of the church…” I mean, people say nice things. That’s what you do.
Warwick F:
Right.
John R:
I started, “Well, what would they say at the back of the church when they’re all rooting around for the roast beef sandwiches and potato salad?” Right? “What would they say a year later or two years later.” And I started thinking of inheritance. That’s what I would leave to my kids. Would they be okay financially? Would they be taken care of? And I figured from that perspective, we’re in good shape but now I started thinking of legacy Warwick.
Warwick F:
Right.
John R:
I started thinking, “What have I left in my wife, in my boys, in my friends? Have I lived a life? So the use of my life, what I’ll live my life?” I mean, think about, Jesus said the number one commandment, if I boil everything down is love God with all your heart and love others, that’s not how I’d been operating. That is why I had drifted into that land of smoldering discontent and that’s when I’m laying there, I resolved, I’m going to live my life according to that in service of others and here’s what I’ve found because when I’m coming out of this accident, because of this brain injury was so severe, eight years later I still cannot do what I used to be able to do before the accident. Cognitively, I’ve recovered, but my energy, ability to communicate when I’m tired, things are very different.
Warwick F:
Right.
John R:
But before as an entrepreneur, right? I told you my edict was, I’m just going to outwork people and I’m like, “I cannot operate that way anymore. That lit physically, I can’t do it.” When I came out of the hospital after two and a half years to start what I’m doing now, I could literally work eight to 10 hours per week.
Warwick F:
Wow.
John R:
And here was my whole attitude is, you know what I’m eight to 10 hours per week, God said he has a plan, he’s going to use it for his glory, in partnership with the father, trusting him for each small step versus making my grand plan. I bet I can do more with him on a few hours a week than I ever did on my own 80 hours a week and it was with that mindset that I moved into this future and that’s what’s happened.
Warwick F:
So, but before just touching on that, as that horrific experience happened, do you feel like from your perspective and I guess mine, that God had a purpose in that? What would you say the purpose was with that accident, because it seemed like it changed the trajectory of your life at least in some sense?
John R:
It’s an interesting question to ponder. These things that happen to us, these crucible moments, does God create and engineer them or does it happen because it happens but he is there to walk with us? I’ve thought about this a lot. I’ve been in prayer about it a lot because I felt it was important for me to come to an understanding. What I understood for myself was I don’t believe he caused the accident. He could have prevented it, there’s no doubt about that. Right?
Warwick F:
Right. Sure.
John R:
He could have had the horse turn. He didn’t prevent it. I don’t believe he caused it and I got to tell you just reading through the scripture, what I’ve come to understand is he does not promise us an explanation, but he does promise that he will walk with us through everything we go through in life, every step of the way. In that, honestly for me is what I had to lean into, is that I might never understand the purpose behind it. I think I can see it now because it’s brought me into… I got to tell you, if somebody said, “On a scale of one to 10 are you living life fully alive? Do you experience joy and peace?” Before the accident I probably would have told you if I was being honest, a two or three, if you’d told me that networking meeting, maybe I would have told you a nine because that’s what I wanted you to believe, but today it truly is a nine plus. I would have never gotten here had it not been for the accident.
Warwick F:
Yeah. I mean from my perspective, God doesn’t cause bad things to happen. Maybe he allows it and at least we’ll never know the true purpose, but sometimes we give little glimpses and for me, because duty, loyalty is such a big thing, I never voluntarily would have gotten out of the family company. It would have felt like I was betraying my father, John Fairfax, my great, great grandfather. There’s no way I would’ve left. It wouldn’t have happened. But because it happened, it really allowed me to pursue who I was, not have my identity all in Fairfax media. So, in some weird way the tragedy that happened was almost grace. As painful as it was, things like that always leave a scar. Now for you, you’ve got both physical, emotional, you’ve got the gamut of scars, I’m afraid.
Warwick F:
For me it was more just emotional, but as I look back on that, for me it was grace. I’m not glad I had to go through it, but it led me on a trajectory whereas like you, I feel like I’m living a legacy more that’s on purpose, a life of significance, focus on others. Yeah. So, I think there can be a grace in that. I mean, I don’t mean to say tragedy should be seen as grace. It’s not, but somehow it can be used for good even when it was so painful.
John R:
No. I agree grace, and I think the other thing that thread that, because you guys asked me what’s that one big takeaway for you through all this and only one word came to my mind and that was hope because when I was there in God’s presence, think about it. The first thing he said to me directly, right? He said, “All things work together for good for those that love the Lord.” And then he told me he was going to heal me for his glory. What that said to me was even though I figured, honestly Warwick, I was going to be healed. I was in the hospital bed in ICU telling my business, that new startup company, I’m like, “Guys, God told me I was going to healed. I’ll be back at work in a week.”
John R:
Like no, I was back and two years later, I could not work enough to even go back. I couldn’t go back, but what I saw at Craig Hospital with all of these people that had severe head injuries and spinal cord injuries, the difference between the people that really improved and I think got back to whatever their new life was going to be and the people that spiraled down into a place that really scared me. The place where I was right after I got out of the Navy, that dark place before I met those three gentlemen was having hope. Even if it’s the tiniest smallest little ember that guess what, tomorrow might be better.
John R:
There’s no guarantee it might be better than today. The next month is going to probably be better than this month. The next year will be better, and then over time I will get through this and just even holding onto the idea that maybe there is a purpose in this and this could serve as something in the future I look back on and be grateful for, even though I couldn’t even conceive of gratitude personally. Right. I’m just not that mature while I was there recovering from all these surgeries, but honestly, that is what got me through, that little bit of hope, each day trying to move forward mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally through that crucible time. As I looked back, because you guys asked me that question, the thread in each of these I think that allowed me to not only move through it, but to almost learn from it versus be defined by it or have a victim mentality because of it, which allowed me to shift into something that over time became beneficial.
Warwick F:
So talk about, I mean, you mentioned purpose and hope being the threads through these crucible experiences. Talk a bit about where that’s led you in your current vision and mission and just the amazing things you’re doing with Eternal Leadership and your coaching. Talk about the purpose you feel you’ve been given now and the hope that you want to impart to others.
John R:
Oh, well thank you for asking. I’ll tell you, I’m laying in my hospital bed, this is two years into it and I’m totally like, “All right Lord, I’m not the person I was.” Right? “I can’t do what I used to do. What’s next?” And I’m praying there in my quiet time. This wasn’t an audible voice like at the accident, but I just felt that my inner spirit, like this inner voice speaking. It just said, “John, I want you to use this life I’ve given you to equip and inspire leaders to work in my kingdom.” I’m like, “Okay. Awesome. That’s really broad. Is there a page two? Can I get the rest of the memo?” But here’s how he sent it to me, which I think is how God works like the three guys who brought into my life 25 years ago, this was on a Saturday.
John R:
On a Monday, I was meeting with a friend of mine, a CEO of a big company here in town, really going through some challenges and he goes, “Man, here’s what’s going on in my life, my family, what I’m trying to do in the community, my business. I have these three pillars. Whatever I focus on works and the other one’s just languish.” And he goes, “I feel like I’m just so close to pulling them all together.” He goes, “I’ve decided to hire a coach.” And he goes, “John, you would be an amazing coach and if you decide to become a coach, I want to be your first client.” I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome. What’s a coach?”
Warwick F:
Exactly.
John R:
But anyway, through that I said, “You know what? I have all this experience building companies from scratch, being part of huge organizations…” Starting now, I’ve started two nonprofits before the accident happened, being in the military. So what happened was I started coaching leaders and that led to, at the end of my first year, I had 16 clients and I was still literally working eight maybe at that point, 10 to 15 hours a week. That was all I could do. That was maxed out and then now out of that with my podcast, we’ve been named in Inc. Magazine as Gary mentioned at the top. We’ve been named the preferred leadership trainer to the U.S. Air Force. I could not have done all this on my own, but I think those three things we talked about before, when you really put the work to close the gap on who you are and you become the best version of yourself, you set a worthwhile goal and dream, and for me that is to live a life so that life outlives my life. Right?
John R:
So, I guess my personal mission statement, right, is to equip and inspire leaders to accomplish what’s been inspired in them, to help them live on purpose, with a purpose and give them the exact tools that they need in order to do that. I mean, that’s what defines me. That’s my filter. I’ve been offered to do certain things, maybe work for a company, come on staff. I’m like, “Well, that’s not in alignment.” Even though that would be really nice to have that paycheck. It was a very easy decision for me now to say no and out of that, everything that we’ve done that my book is going to be coming out soon, I’m doing a lot more speaking to both Christian audiences and also business audiences. I just did the kickoff speech at the huge Silicon Valley tech company, how do we incorporate this into how we’re just creating a leadership culture so that organization can only do great business but also do good through doing business.
John R:
That’s a huge part about what I meant. That’s my litmus test for the clients that I do let into my world, is that they need to not only want to create an amazing organization that serves their people, but it’s also serving a purpose either in their community, for a cause in this world, because I want to marry those two together and I got to tell you I wake up every day of the week excited. This morning I got to work with a group of six different amazing leaders down in Rwanda that are helping, trying to reshape how business is being done. They’re all in their late twenties they’re amazing people and I’m just taking my time to sow into them so they can carry out what they’re excited to do and accelerate the results that they’re passionate about.
Warwick F:
That’s awesome.
John R:
Or in a week from now I’ll be doing some work with the United States Air Force. So, I would have never envisioned any of this when I started four and a half years ago when I got my first client who was a friend of mine, I think he hired me out of pure sympathy as my first coaching client and what happened was his company ended up growing massively and he became my best referral source to his peer group and that’s how it all started.
Warwick F:
Wow.
Gary S:
It’s very interesting to hear you both talk about your experiences and also talk about what you’re doing now because you both use the same word. Warwick, you talk about living a life of significance and inspiring people to do that. John, you talk about it’s a not about success, it’s about significance. As we wrap up John, let me ask you this question. What is it about significance that is the worthy aim? Why is that the destination you hope to chart people on a path toward?
John R:
I think the simple answer, this is just me and my lens. Okay, so just take that into account. I think the way that I’ve always defined success is me focused, arrows kind of in. Right? Significance to me is how many other people can I help be successful. If I’m the person that just succeeds on my own and then I would have died at 45 years old, would that have been significant? It might’ve been to my family who got a big inheritance, right? But what if I died at 45 years old, but hundreds of people at my funeral said, “You know what? I am where I am today, my marriage is solid, I have amazing relationship with my kids, my company’s thriving, and we’re doing this to help change my community because of John’s friendship, his mentorship, his coaching.” So, that’s for me what I see as significant.
John R:
So, that’s what I want to move toward. I guess I’ve shifted my role Gary, from wanting to be king, right? That was the quest I was on to want to be in the role of kingmaker and if I can be the guy in the background and I’m that catalyst for other people’s success, even if they don’t even give me credit, because that’s not why I’m doing it, I feel like I’m so in sync and in partnership with the Father, right? I am part of the plan that he might have for somebody else’s life, and I got to tell you, that was also kind of a maturing and the transition for me is being comfortable in that role in the background, and I got to tell you is I’ve moved closer and closer to just not only accepting it, but relishing that.
Gary S:
Yeah.
John R:
I got to tell you, it’s just unleashed joy for me, but that’s-
Gary S:
So for listeners who want to be made a king, who want to learn more about Eternal Leadership and learn more about your coaching practice, where can they find that information?
John R:
You can just go to eternalleadership.com or just reach out to me personally. I’ll give you my personal email address. It’s John, J-O-H-N, @eternalleadership.com. I answer all those personally. I will get back to you because I keep appointments on my calendar Gary, every single week, even with my schedule to just have conversations with people that reach out. So, that’s what I’m here to do.
Gary S:
This has been a very enlightening conversation. Warwick, let’s let you have the last word and then we’ll be done.
Warwick F:
John, that’s just amazing to listen to you and all of the crucible experiences you’ve been through. I feel like you have, I don’t know, 10 lifetimes worth of wisdom. It’s been harder. If it would’ve been your choice clearly to, you would have preferred an easier way than you’ve gone through, but I have the sense that maybe there are times when you were knocked off your purpose from your perspective. My sense is there’s a lot less chance of that happening now that you are laser like, clearly focused and we’re all frail and human but you seem to have a very clear purpose and much less chance of you getting knocked off these days. That would be my sense and I just commend you for your life, for your service to lead is really that phrase of being a king maker, being other focused, understanding what a life of significance is. I mean you’re a great role model for really what a life of significance looks like. It’s a great example. So, thank you for sharing what you’ve shared. It’s just, it’s an amazing story, really is.
John R:
Well, thank you guys so much and thank you for what you guys are doing with your lives and also this podcast because my story might help one person and somebody else might not relate at all and then you’re going to bring somebody else on who’s having a very different, but you know moving through these challenging times, we all have them and they are hard. I don’t want to make light of the fact that when you’re in it, it might be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever been faced with in your life and you’re creating a format and a platform and a podcast and the work that you guys both do to help people move through that, it is so critical, especially in today’s world.
John R:
To me, just as an observer, it just feels like there’s more that people are going through and I really think also some of the, I don’t know whether it’s culturally or what’s going on, but also the ability to go through it, I don’t know, it just feels harder, right? So having stuff like this is just, it’s a gift and I thank you guys for putting the time and energy to do it.
Warwick F:
Well, thank you.
Gary S:
Well. Thank you listeners for spending time with us at Beyond the Crucible today. When you have a guest like John who comes on and says, “Well, what has been your crucible experience?” And he writes, there are many with a smiley face emoji, you’re going to have a very action packed episode with a lot of information that we hope you will glean to John’s work. You will glean hope from this conversation. To find more hope through what Crucible Leadership is doing, you can find us on the web at www.crucibleleadership.com. You can also engage with us in social media. On Facebook, we’re at crucible leadership and on LinkedIn we’re at Warwick Fairfax. Warwick’s name is spelled with that silent W in the middle. It’s W-A-R-W-I-C-K @warwickfairfax. You can find us on LinkedIn. So until next time, thank you for spending time with us and remember that your crucible experiences are not the end of your story. They are in fact, they can be the beginning of a new chapter in your story that will lead to a true life of significance.
The start of a new year leads many of us to create New Year’s Resolutions, but we’d be wiser, and happier, and help more people if we instead moved into 2020 crafting a vision rooted in our deepest values and passions. Crucible Leadership founder and Beyond the Crucible host Warwick Fairfax explains that resolutions leave us feeling obligated, not motivated — so they tend to last only a few weeks. A vision, though, can last a lifetime because it’s a picture of our preferred reality: something we are off-the-charts passionate about that grows over time and is focused on making the world a better place. It may take some time after a crucible experience to heal from the pain it caused and learn the lessons it taught, but from those devastating moments come the wisdom and the wherewithal to lead a life of significance.
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👉 Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Transcript
Gary S:
Welcome everyone to this episode of Beyond the Crucible. I’m Gary Schneeberger, the cohost of the podcast and the communications director for Crucible Leadership. This podcast of Beyond the Crucible is all about living and leading with significance. The eye piece that we look through to get there, the starting point of our discussion is a crucible experience, those things that happen in life that are devastating, painful, change the trajectory of your life. Sometimes they’re failures, sometimes their setbacks and tragedies and traumas that happen to you, but the common experience, it’s painful. It’s traumatic.
Gary S:
Here with me to discuss this is someone who knows that firsthand. It’s Warwick Fairfax, the host of the program as well as the founder of Crucible Leadership. Warwick, we’ve got a topical and I think very helpful discussion on tap today.
Warwick F:
Gary, great to be here and absolutely. Yeah, it’s very topical as you say.
Gary S:
The reason that we say as topical, listeners, is that this episode of the podcast is going to air on the last day of December. It’s going to air, it’s going to go live on December 31st. We all know what happens on December 31st. That’s New Year’s Eve. As the new year approaches, new year’s resolutions start popping up all over the place. It’s like an emotional game of whack-a-mole. Everybody you know is launching a, I’m going to do this this year, I’m going to do this this year. Everybody talks about their resolutions.
Gary S:
Warwick wanted to discuss rather than resolutions and maybe the limitations of resolutions, something critical to the crucible leadership model and that is a vision. As we’ve talked as a team, we’ve hatched a name that will probably not be the name. Maybe it will be, we’ll figure that out later, but we’ve hatched a name of just internally how we’re talking about this episode and that is how you can be a visionary, not a resolutionary. You can be someone who’s motivated by, engaged in a vision rather than a resolution. Warwick, explain just at the 30, 40,000 foot level, why is vision a better pursuit than a resolution regardless of the time of year.
Warwick F:
Yeah, it’s an interesting question. Starting with resolutions, often in the new year people want to get fit, so they may be go on diets or go to the gym and you have these resolutions, but the problem with resolutions is they typically don’t stick. You have an idea and then couple of months later, I’m sure health clubs will tell you that the gyms go back to normal and it’s not quite as many people as it was first few weeks in January. Same with diets. I mean, they’re just notoriously hard to keep.
Warwick F:
Resolutions, they sound good, but in of themselves they can be somewhat transactional, somewhat short term, well meaning, but they don’t tend to stick. Whereas vision is something that is more longterm. It’s more motivating, it’s more tied to deep beliefs within you. Really at the sort of highest level, visions tend to stick and resolutions are a bit like quicksand. They don’t last.
Gary S:
What you said about gyms is absolutely true, because when I go to my gym on December 31st or January 2nd or whatever it is, I get there after the new year, I guarantee you all the equipment is going to be harder to get to, but you just kind of take a deep breath and wait a couple of weeks and that will go away, because the people who are going there, the new people who are going there, don’t have a vision longterm for what their fitness goals are. As we’ve prepared for this podcast work, you and I both have come up with phrases to kind of describe the difference between a resolution and a vision.
Gary S:
One of the things I said was, in a resolution your focus is on, I’m going to do better. In a vision, your focus is on, I’m going to do good. The idea is, resolution, my behavior is going to change in some way and it’s going to benefit me and it’s going to be fine. I’m going to do better. In a vision, I’m going to do good. I’m going to do something, I’m going to commit myself to something that’s going to make the world a better place. That is another differentiator that it’s not as much self focused. Resolutions tend to be self-focused, whereas visions tend to be other focused. That’s a fair assessment. Isn’t it?
Warwick F:
Yeah, it is. Certainly in the Crucible Leadership world, we define a life of significance as one that’s fueled by a vision, that wants to make the world a better place, that wants to help other people, a life lived on purpose. From a Crucible Leadership framework, vision is absolutely something that should do good. Other people might have visions for just success and money, power, and everybody’s entitled to lead their own life, but in terms of a vision that will really motivate, a vision that fits in terms of our philosophy, absolutely. I think it’s a accurate paradigm you’ve described in which a resolution is, yeah, it’s often self focused: dieting, exercise.
Warwick F:
It’s more motivated by “shoulds”. The sad thing is, “should” is not particularly motivating. It smacks of legalism, of obligation. Anytime you’re obligated to do something, it tends not to work. Now you tell your kids, “Hey, take out the garbage; wash the car.” It’s like, okay, well, you should do that, but in and of itself, it’s not particularly motivating. Doesn’t always get done. Whereas vision, if it’s especially one that’s altruistic, which is what we talk about here, where you really want to help other people in a Crucible Leadership framework, maybe you’ve had a tragedy and out of the tragedy you’ve gone through and maybe you want to help other people avoid it, or maybe you’ve learned some lessons to just fundamentally change the direction of your life, a vision which is fueled by a passion, it’s more than resolution.
Warwick F:
It’s not transactionary, it’s more transformational, it’s motivational. Anything that you are really motivated by in which you feel like, hey, if I stop, there’s somebody out there that could have benefited, that won’t benefit if I don’t do this. That kind of motivation, there’s something about when it’s about other people, it’s somehow, maybe it’s the way we’re all designed, the human condition, but somehow it’s more motivational. Yeah, it just comes down to vision tends to be more transformational, should be more outward focused.
Warwick F:
A resolution can be more just transactionary short term. Yeah. If it’s not tied to some longterm vision, the chances of it lasting are pretty low. Some people love new year’s resolutions. I’ve never been a new year’s resolution kind of person, because just it’s like, well I’ll come up with something and it won’t last and I’ll feel all sorts of pressure and obligation to do it and I probably won’t do it. I don’t know, I find it discouraging to be honest, that kind of resolution mentality.
Gary S:
Well, I mentioned that we both had some phrases that we thought encapsulated this. I said mine and the kind of guy I am, I like the words that come out of my mouth. I think I can be clever sometimes and insightful. I thought “I’m going to do better” versus “I’m going to do good,” that’s a pretty good summary. Then you said something to me that I was like, oh well mine wasn’t so good. Here’s what Warwick said when we were talking about this yesterday and I want you to talk about, Warwick, what you meant by this. “Vision is a picture of a preferred reality.” Vision is a picture of a preferred reality. Tell us what you’re thinking when you said that.
Warwick F:
Yeah, I mean I write a lot about vision. I read a lot about vision. Vision is a picture of a preferred reality. An ideal vision is something that you can feel, touch, smell. You dream about it at night. You just have a picture in your mind of exactly what is going to be, who you’re going to be working with or the kinds of people, what it’s going to be like. An ideal vision is something that seems almost impossible but not quite. If it’s like, “Ah, this is easy,” that’s not very motivational. If it’s like, “Oh, there’s no way,” that’s not motivational either. When it’s what they call like a stretch goal, you feel like, yeah, I think I can do it, but hey, it won’t be easy, but you know what? I am going to make it happen. I’m going to make it happen. That’s the perfect vision, you have a picture of a preferred reality that you’re off the charts passionate about.
Gary S:
It’s different, what you just described, than what a resolution is. To say, I’m going to lose 15 pounds, well that’s not necessarily the easiest thing to do. There’s a definite end to it. It’s not certainly as hard as transforming your neighborhood. It’s not as hard as empowering your team in the next year to be able to make decisions without your input or with less of your input. There’s a grander scale in most cases to visions and that’s, if you have to imagine a preferred reality, it’s not necessarily an end point to that.
Gary S:
It’s preferred and it continued to be preferred and refined and better and better and better as opposed to the end of a goal. I’m not going to eat sugar anymore. Okay. I’m not eating sugar anymore. Not easy to do, but it’s not necessarily described with some other leadership contexts as a BHAG, a big hairy audacious goal. It’s not one of those kinds of circumstances.
Warwick F:
I think just to comment on what you just said, I think that’s really true is vision is, yeah, I mean you might have a picture in your mind which might lead you to think there’s an end point, but visions tend to grow. We’ll maybe talk about this more later, but I think of Walt Disney is really a prime example. Originally it was more in the ’20s, and ’30s, how can we make a movie from cartoons where it’s not just a few minute Mickey Mouse cartoon, which he was proud of and which are wonderful, but how can we tell a compelling story, hence Snow White.
Warwick F:
Well, from then he moved on to making feature length movies about animals that were very successful. He then had this vision of Disneyland, a theme park in which it will be safe for families and just a whole different vision, and then from there, Disney World. The vision evolved and grew. It kept growing, but yet he had this image in his mind of what he wanted at each point and he made it happen. It was incredibly motivational and his team obviously bought into it. Yeah, visions are transformational: they grow and develop.
Gary S:
Right. If we were to take Walt Disney’s vision that you just explained, and let’s say Walt Disney on December 31st, decided he was going to have a resolution: “By golly, I’m going to make a feature length film from animation.” That could have stopped right there. Once he did his first feature length film, that could have been the end of it, but he had a vision and that vision, as you explained, that vision grew and multiplied and changed over time. Each goal was, “Okay, that was a success. We hit that. Now let’s keep going,” because the vision was grander than just, “I want to make a an animated film.”
Warwick F:
Absolutely. I think the question is really a resolution for what, for what reason. Motivation is the key to action and so if a resolution is tied to a broader grand division, maybe it’s not a resolution, because I think I don’t like that word too much because people just tend to start and stop them. If it’s more, okay, what action am I going to take today that’s part of a grander plan, that’s part of a grander vision, what’s a first step or a second step or a third step, that’s to me not so much a resolution. It’s more part of the plan, the grand plan you have of making your vision becoming reality. It’s a different mindset.
Gary S:
Well listeners, we’re trying to help you get to a different mindset. Not to say that you can’t do resolutions, but we’re saying that if you do those, also engage in a vision because a vision is going to be something that longterm is going to continue to motivate you. That longterm is going to continue to change and allow you to achieve new steps of significance that benefit others. We’ve talked a lot about the philosophy of all this, Warwick. Let’s talk about the brass tacks. What informs a vision for someone?
Warwick F:
Really it starts in a few places, which is you have to be off the charts passionate about your vision. It has to mean something to you. Now it could be out of a crucible experience. Maybe you went through something that you don’t want anybody else to suffer. Maybe you went through abuse or a health challenge and you want to set up an organization to help cancer survivors or survivors of abuse. That obviously would be very motivational to you because you want to help other people, or maybe like, Walt Disney, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if we had full length color movie in a cartoon, but somehow is a compelling story?” You’ve got to be off the charts passionate about. That’s absolutely fundamental. From my perspective, it helps if that is tied to your fundamental beliefs.
Warwick F:
It could be aspect of faith, a philosophy, but somehow your vision also has to be tied into your values and beliefs, so that you feel like, you know what, this is important. Back to the example of abuse, you understandably might say, people shouldn’t have to go through this. It’s wrong and I want to help people avoid it. I want to help people bounce back and lead productive lives. It’s easy to see that that’s not just some airy vision. It’s tied to somebody’s fundamental beliefs and values they feel like is really important. That gives its roots and helps it grow.
Warwick F:
The other thing is it really helps if it’s tied to your fundamental design. We’re all designed certain ways. Back to the Walt Disney example, he was an animator. He started off noodling with cartoons on napkins and pieces of paper as a boy. Yes, as the company grew, he wasn’t always drawing as much as his lead animators, but his team knew that Walt got it, he was one of them. He knew how to draw. He could grab the pen. No computers back then. Old pen and ink and what have you and he could say, “Yeah, how about we do this?”
Warwick F:
I guess to summarize, a vision has to be something you’re off the charts passionate about, that you feel like the world can’t afford not to have this. It’s that important. It’s tied to your fundamental values and beliefs and it’s also in line with your inherent design. You do all those things it has a much greater chance of becoming reality.
Gary S:
Two quick things about what you just said. It does not have to be a grand vision, a world changing vision in the sense of truly global world. It can be a very micro neighborhood vision. Correct?
Warwick F:
That’s correct. I mean the thing is visions can start small. Like for Walt Disney, even before Snow White, he just wanted to get a shop together with some people that really loved creating fun cartoons, that will be really creative. Well, I don’t think he was thinking at that stage necessarily, I’m going to have a global empire, but they can grow. Certainly, success isn’t dependent on having a vision that becomes as large as the Walt Disney company. You could have a vision, yes, on a grand scale to lead a large for profit or nonprofit in the U.S., or elsewhere, but you also might say, “Look, I want to clean up the neighborhood park.”
Warwick F:
Maybe there’s drugs and crime and you want to make it safe for your kids and your friends’ kids. That won’t be an easy vision. You’ll have to get your neighbors on board. It may be the local community council. That will not be easy, but it may be a park in a small town somewhere. It’s not the scale of the vision. To me a vision that changes one life is a big vision, so it’s not the scale as some people would measure it. It’s more, how important is it to you. That’s how I would measure the size of the vision so to speak.
Gary S:
For people who are listening right now, Warwick, who you mentioned a couple of times, a vision to be successful, you have to be off the charts passionate about. What do you say to the listener who is sitting there and maybe because of the crucible experience they’ve been through, they’re feeling less than off the charts passionate about anything at this moment? What’s your counsel to them to discover what they are, because everybody’s passionate about something. Maybe we don’t feel it all the time. How do you unlock that if you’re not feeling it? How do you find again or find for the first time what you’re truly off the charts passionate about?
Warwick F:
Yeah, it’s not always easy. I know for me in the ’90s, as I think listeners know from previous podcasts and blogs, after I lost a large family media business in Australia, been in my family for 150 years after a $2.25 billion takeover-
Gary S:
That was billion with a B, for listeners.
Warwick F:
(laughing) It was,
Gary S:
I love saying that every time you say that. I just got to be clear.
Warwick F:
I know. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. When that ended I wasn’t thinking, “Oh okay. Yeah, this ended. Okay, that’s fine. Hey, let’s move on to a big vision here.” No, I mean through most of the ’90s, I wasn’t in particularly good shape. I was depressed at least to some degree. It took quite a while to bounce back. I think with the crucible experience in a sense, the first step is just dealing with the pain, accepting what you’ve gone through. Maybe if there are things you have to make right with others to do that, if it’s forgive yourself for your own mistakes. I had to claw my way back into finding things I could do without screwing up.
Warwick F:
Everybody’s different. Maybe some people’s bounce back will be a lot quicker than mine. You’ve got to get yourself first into a healthy place as best you can. Sometimes that’s seeking counseling, whatever it will take. You’ve got to sort of trust the process. As you try different things and experiment, if you’re open to it, it will come. There’s no magic way. Sometimes it’s asking other people about, I don’t know, next steps, thinking of things, what is it you enjoy. I don’t know that I asked this question. I probably should have, but didn’t think of it at the time is, okay, this whole John Fairfax debacle was awful, the media company, but how can I use this pain for a purpose.
Warwick F:
I don’t know that I asked that question, but I don’t know that there’s a simple answer. Do the internal healing as best you can and just be open. At least in my case, I’m a person of faith, so prayer helps, whether it’s prayer or meditation or reflection. Just think about, okay, how can I use this pain to help others. Maybe ask friends. At least from a crucible experience, that’s often helpful, but be open to it. We did a podcast that’ll air at some point here soon with Margie Warrell, who is a fellow Australian, she talks a lot about fear and she talks about not letting fear hold you back. Don’t let the fear and pain hold you back. Try and channel that into something productive. It’s not a linear process. You just got to be open to it.
Gary S:
Patience really is required on a lot of levels, right?
Warwick F:
Yeah.
Gary S:
To really hatch all aspects of the vision. It does not come quickly necessarily. It can, but I guess what you’re saying, it seems like what you’re saying is, don’t be discouraged if right now, listener, you’re not feeling off the charts passionate about something. It will come as you step out and you start to engage what Warwick is talking about, how were you designed, what are your values, what are the things that you care about, what are things people tell you that you’re really good at, what are those kinds of things. Then in walking in those, you will come to a point through prayer, meditation, counsel with others, you will come to a point where you’ll marry those values and passions to a vision.
Warwick F:
Absolutely. One of the things that’s really important is, people aren’t designed to walk alone. At several junctures, when you go into the depths of the pain and as you’re beginning to come out of it and explore, “Gee, what can I do?” And be productive, use the pain to help others, ask other people that know you. It could be a spouse, very close friends, and they will often see us more objectively. Sometimes, hopefully they’ll have more hope for us than we have for ourselves. Seek their counsel. Then as you begin forming your vision, you want, as I call them, fellow travelers who will be with you on the journey of building that vision.
Warwick F:
Most people that I know that formed a great vision, they had people with them. Walt Disney had fellow animators that believed in his vision. At each step of the way, as you’re recovering from the crucible, as you’re beginning to form your vision, you’ve got to have people in there with you. That’s just absolutely foundational and fundamental.
Gary S:
You’ve mentioned Disney a couple of times. As we start to begin the process of wrapping up, is there anyone else off the top of your head historically or in your family or your own story? Is there anybody else that you can sort of single out for listeners as someone who really crafted a meaningful vision and then lived that out, or is living that out now?
Warwick F:
Yeah. Henry Ford, who founded Ford motor company, a huge auto company is one. He tried a number of different times, different companies, which at first didn’t work, but he had this vision of what he called creating a motorcar for the multitudes, in an era, in the early 1800s, when cars really were for the very wealthy, not for your average in this case, American, where he first launched his company. He had this vision that automobiles as they were called, could be something that your average person could afford. Hence he launched the Model T in 1908, the first affordable car. That’s one. Thomas Edison is another one. He had this great quote, which is, “A vision without execution is hallucination.”
Gary S:
Oh, that’s good. Say that again for the listeners. Say that again so they can write that down.
Warwick F:
Yeah, vision without execution is hallucination. In the late 1800s, at that time people got light in their homes and factories through gas. Gas wasn’t exactly the safest way to light your home. It could explode, but that’s what they had. He had a vision of the incandescent light bulb that would be safer. As I think most of us know from school, it took thousands of tries at different filaments until he had the magic filament that actually worked. That was kind of his vision.
Warwick F:
In my own family, John Fairfax, as listeners will know from previous podcasts and blogs, he had an earlier experience of a small newspaper in England which went bankrupt, because an unscrupulous lawyer sued him for libel for a story that the judge said actually wasn’t libel. He came out to Australia and he had this vision of founding a great newspaper. This paper would be without fear to express opinion, without the reproach of self interest, sworn to no master and free from narrow interest of sectarianism.
Warwick F:
He was working in the local library. He was a librarian at the time, became now the state library in New South Wales where Sydney is. He and a would be partner of his, Charles Kemp, they would sit long into the night dreaming about this newspaper. They had this vision that they called, the plan. As I said, this would be this paper that wouldn’t be a party paper, but would really hold people accountable, defend interests that need to be defended. They kind of had the vision mapped out pretty clearly. While John would handle the business side, his partner, Charles Kemp, would handle the journalistic side and together they collaborate on the editorial.
Warwick F:
He had a clear vision and he brought a team together and made it happen. Each of these visions were really, whether it’s Henry Ford, John Fairfax, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, there was certainly some altruism in there. They did in a sense, want to make the world a better place, whether it’s affordable transportation, a safe source for energy, Walt Disney and an idea of just having cartoons that tell a bigger story in a longer format, like Snow White, or John Fairfax wanting to have a paper that would be non-sectarian. Yeah. Each of those was in very different ways, was a big vision.
Gary S:
Well that is a fantastic and an inspiring place for us to end our time together today. On the subject of inspiration, I found a quote as well I wanted to leave you with, listeners. This is from Helen Keller. It was interesting when I was looking up quotes, Warwick, for vision, Helen Keller, maybe because she was indeed blind, has so many quotes about vision, but here’s the one that really struck me. “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight, but no vision.”
Warwick F:
A life without vision is almost like looking at the world in black and white. There’s no color.
Gary S:
Absolutely. I guess since it is December 31st, and if anybody really has to make a resolution, say someone’s dared you to do it, maybe resolve to craft a vision in 2020.
Warwick F:
Absolutely. That’d be the one resolution I think that actually could make some degree of lasting sense.
Gary S:
There you go. This New Year’s, listeners, resolve to craft a vision. You can be with us here on, Beyond the Crucible and at Crucible Leadership and we will help you craft that vision and understand what underlies and informs your vision. The way that you can keep up with what we’re doing here at Crucible Leadership, for one thing, you can subscribe to the podcast that you’re listening to right now on the device, on the service, the app that you’re listening to it on. You can subscribe to the Beyond the Crucible podcast. Never miss an episode through all of 2020.
Gary S:
You can also check us out on our website, crucibleleadership.com. Warwick has a number of blogs there. There are other assets there. There’s a workbook that allows you to identify where you are in the process of walking this path to a life of significance. You can also engage with us on social media. Warwick’s very active on social media. On Facebook, you can find Crucible Leadership at Crucible Leadership, Facebook/at crucibleleadership, and Warwick is active on LinkedIn and you can track, follow what he’s up to on LinkedIn. That’s at Warwick Fairfax. Warwick spells his name, as I always say, with a silent W in the middle. It’s W-A-R-W-I-C-K, at Warwick Fairfax on LinkedIn.
Gary S:
We wish you a very Happy New Year and hope that you’ll come back and join us on Beyond the Crucible, so that we can continue to have this dialogue and this conversation about how crucible experiences, those painful moments in life, they change the trajectory of your life, but they don’t need to be the end of your story. In fact, they can be the beginning of a new chapter of your story. One that’s fueled by vision, and that leads you to a life of significance.
Mike Charbonnet was proud when his son, David, followed in his footsteps to join the Navy SEALs. But when a parachuting accident left David paralyzed, Mike says his son summoned courage more remarkable than anything either of them ever had to muster in the military. In this interview with Crucible Leadership founder and BEYOND THE CRUCIBLE host Warwick Fairfax, David recounts how his accident left him feeling like his dreams and goals had disappeared, sending him into a dark depression made worse by terrible physical pain.
Mike endured his own deep sadness as his once athletic son lost his mobility and was devastated emotionally. Yet both father and son persevered and found new purpose helping others in the wake of their crucible experiences. David became the CEO of the VIP NeuroRehabilitation Center, the ground-breaking physical-therapy facility he first encountered as a patient. Mike founded Beyond the Teams, a nonprofit that raises money for ill and injured servicemen and children — including those treated by VIP.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel. And be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
👉 Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Transcript
Transcript Coming Soon.
True success in life, Crucible Leadership founder and Beyond the Crucible host Warwick Fairfax explains, is not about the number of zeroes on your bank statement. It’s about ensuring your life is aligned with your beliefs, values, and passions. A life of significance, he stresses, doesn’t have to be grand in scope. A life helping others, be it many or few is a life well-lived.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel. And be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
👉 Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Transcript
Transcript Coming Soon.
A key to living a life of significance is having a compelling vision you can devote your life to. And one of the most critical factors in seeing that vision come to reality is the level of passion you have for it. A vision without passion is like a car without an engine. It may look like a sleek Ferrari, but without an engine, it is going nowhere. An abiding passion for your vision is critical for its success.
So how can you make sure that you are passionate about your vision? Where does passion come from? Passion is often borne in a crucible moment. You may have gone through abuse and have a passion to help other survivors find a way back to hope and self-esteem. You might be a cancer survivor and want to help others going through cancer realize that they are not alone. Perhaps you were an entrepreneur who failed spectacularly and wants to help other entrepreneurs minimize their likelihood of failures, and if they have failed, to learn to bounce back from those failures.
Passion sometimes comes from ideas we dream about. We lie awake at night, thinking, ”What if this actually, really happened? It could change the world.”
But there is a deeper level for passion that can give it, and the vision that arises from it, greater resonance and staying power. That deeper level is rooted in your beliefs and values. The more your passion — and thus, your vision — is linked to the very core of your soul, the very fiber of your being, the more your vision will soar and become reality.
Faith and Passion
In this day and age, sometimes we shy away from faith and beliefs, thinking they are either too didactic or metaphysical to be of use in our fast-paced, practical world. But the reality is that we all have beliefs and values, whether we realize it or not. You cannot be human without having faith and beliefs in something. It might be in a particular religion or denomination, or it might not be. Perhaps you have a philosophy of life that you believe in. It might be something that you learnt from your parents, grandparents, or friends. Perhaps you read a book that transformed your life, or a teacher in school greatly influenced you.
Either way, consider what you believe and what you value. Write it down. Think about those times in life that were the most meaningful to you. Think about events or actions you were a part of that meant the most to you and that you are most proud of. Think about some of the most meaningful conversations you have ever had. Then start connecting the dots. What are the beliefs you hold most dear? What are the values you believe in strongly? Just a quick note on values: if beliefs are what we believe about the world and life, values are more about how we believe people should be treated. Typically, our values grow out of and are in harmony with our beliefs. If we believe in a loving God who forgives us, it stands to reason that we should value the ability to forgive. Living our beliefs is, of course, not always easy. If our core beliefs are grace and acceptance, then we should place a high value on our ability to accept others.
Once we are clear about our beliefs and values, the next step is to think about what we are most passionate about. Our beliefs, values, and passions should closely intersect. The more closely they intersect, the more you know you are on the right track. Write down those times in life you were most passionate and excited about. Perhaps there was something you accomplished in school or college. Or perhaps you had a time in your job, or a volunteer job, that you were particularly excited about. What were those things that excited you? Perhaps you have always liked working with kids. You loved volunteering to help kids at church, or at the local Boys and Girls Club. You feel you have an instinctive ability to relate to kids, and they believe you really understand and care for them. You might have beliefs and values that place great importance on caring for and nurturing people, which for you might mean kids. In this example, the next step would be asking how to turn this passion for kids into a vision, which could be a business, a career, or a volunteer activity. Again, write down some options.
Design and Purpose
Next, consider your wiring and your fundamental design. If you have a background in social work or counseling using this example, you career path and vision might point you in one direction. But you might have more administrative gifts, in management or accounting. That could take your vision in a different direction.
Either way, you are well on your way to having a vision that is aligned with your beliefs and values, as well as how you are wired, and that you are passionate about. A vision that you believe in, a vision that gives your life purpose and meaning. A vision that you believe leads you to having a life of significance. A life that is on purpose, that helps others, and makes the world a better place. A life that your family and friends, as well as yourself, can be proud of. A legacy that you will be proud to leave. At the end of the day, you will have lived a life of passion and purpose, a life that made a difference, a life that meant something.
Reflection
Consider the events and conversations that most determined who you are and what you believe, and write down your core beliefs and values.
Reflect on those activities and jobs that you were most passionate about. What about them made you so passionate?
What vision that is in line with how you are wired would best be in tune with your beliefs, values, and passions?
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Esther Fleece Allen overcame a traumatic childhood of abuse and abandonment to forge a successful career as a speaker and writer. But when the father she feared resurfaced to stalk her in her early 30s, she realized the successful life she had built was fashioned as a defense mechanism to avoid processing her pain. Only by learning to lament the crucible experiences of her upbringing and rejecting a lifetime of labels that limited her healing has she been able to begin living a life of true personal and professional significance. In this interview with Crucible Leadership founder and BEYOND THE CRUCIBLE host Warwick Fairfax, she shares her inspirational story and the life-changing insights of her new book, Your New Name: Saying Goodbye to the Labels That Limit.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel. And be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
👉 Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Transcript
Transcript Coming Soon.
The key to leading a life of significance, a life that helps others, and moving beyond a searing experience, a crucible moment, where you are forever changed, is to understand your design. We are all designed a certain way. If we look at those around us, our children, siblings, and our loved ones, we all come out of the box with our own wiring. We may be creative and artistic or love math and the sciences, or we may be adventurous and athletic. We all have certain aptitudes. If we are wise, we will understand our innate strengths and giftings, and build upon them.
Leading a life of significance and crafting a vision that makes the world a better place and helps others starts with understanding how you are wired. Sometimes, out of your crucible experiences, you learn a lot about who you’re not. Perhaps you were in a cubicle doing analysis, when you yearned to be outside relating to people. Maybe you were in a freewheeling creative space, when you would have preferred to be in a more orderly, structured environment. Being in the wrong position for your wiring can be miserable. It saps you of energy and will make it harder to have a vision that you are passionate about, one that leads to a life of significance.
So how do we truly know who we are? A good first step is to take an assessment. There are a lot of them out there. The more well-known ones include Myers-Briggs, DISC, Enneagram, and Strengths Finder. One I particularly like is the SIMA Motivated Abilities Pattern (SIMA MAP) that asks you what you are good at and what you enjoy doing at different times of your life (grade school, high school, college, 20’s, 30’s, etc.).
As good as these assessments are, no one assessment or even a combination of assessments can provide the complete answer of how you are wired. They give a glimpse but not the total picture. People are complex individuals. Even when we get the feedback from the assessment, we often find ourselves asking, “So what do I do now? What should my next step in my career be in light of this?”
A concept I wrote about in my last blog, the refining cycle, applies particularly well to understanding our design and being able to lead a life of significance in line with that design. It is a combination of theory and practice. This includes understanding the common threads from the assessments we have taken and then looking back at the different jobs and experiences we have had.
Similar to the SIMA MAP approach, it is helpful to look at the different jobs and positions we have had (including nonprofits we have volunteered with). What positions did we really enjoy and what environments did we thrive in? What jobs and positions did we loathe and couldn’t wait to get out of? Make a list of the commonalities of each job and position that we loved and each one we hated. Connect the dots. What pattern is emerging?
We can also ask friends and family who really know us well, who they think we are. We can show them some of the results from the assessments we have taken, and ask them what they think of the different jobs we have had. Ask them what patterns they see emerging.
Life is a combination of learning and doing. We were not meant to live in a lab. What I mean by that is that we need to experiment. After taking the assessments, looking at our past positions, and asking family and friends for input, it is time to try something. Look at some positions you think might be a good fit and try it. In our day and age, most people do not work in the same company or in the same position forever. If, after a couple of years, you feel it is not working out or that there is a position that would be a better fit, it is all right to make a change. As time goes by, while our innate wiring may not change, our expertise and experience may grow, opening up other opportunities.
This is the nature of the refining cycle. Observe, learn, experiment. And then repeat the process.
What are some examples of this, of observing, learning, experimenting, and being willing to take a risk on a new path?
The E-commerce Mogul
The e-commerce mogul Jeff Bezos started Amazon in 1994, taking its sales from $510,000 in 1995 to $17 billion by 2011. As of 2018, Amazon had 100 million paid subscribers for Amazon Prime, which includes free shipping for Amazon products as well as video and music streaming. In 2018, Amazon was worth more than $1 trillion, the second company after Apple to hit that mark, and Bezos had become the richest person in the world with a net worth of $110 billion. As of 2019, Amazon controls 40% of all e-commerce in the U.S.
So how did Bezos get to where he is now? He was born in New Mexico in 1964 and went to high school in Miami. He had an early love for computers, building electrical contraptions in his parents’ garage as a child. He also has had a lifelong fascination with space and Star Trek. Hence, Bezos’ company, Blue Origin, is an aerospace manufacturer and sub-orbital spaceflight firm dedicated to giving humans access to space.
After being the valedictorian of his high school, Bezos then graduated from Princeton University with a degree in computer science and electrical engineering. He went on to become the youngest senior vice president of the investment firm D. E. Shaw on Wall Street.
In 1994, he made a risky move. He quit a high-paying job with a lucrative career ahead of him. Bezos moved to Seattle to start Amazon.com, an online bookstore that became one of the internet’s biggest success stories. Amazon had success from the beginning. With no press promotion, Amazon sold books across the U.S. and 45 foreign countries within 30 days. In two months, sales reached $20,000 a week. Amazon launched Amazon Studios in 2013, with critically acclaimed shows such as Transparent and Mozart in the Jungle. Bezos purchased the Washington Post in 2013 and in 2017 Whole Foods, a supermarket chain selling healthy foods.
Bezos’ career has not been linear, nor could you have predicted it. If you gave Jeff Bezos an assessment in high school or the early part of his career, pre-Amazon, it might have said he had mathematical aptitude, was good with computers and was a creative problem solver. A motivated abilities assessment may have picked up that Bezos is a dreamer. After all, in his valedictorian speech, he said he dreamed of the day when millions of his fellow earthlings would relocate to colonies in space.
But Amazon? Jeff Bezos as the world’s richest person? Amazon with a net worth that is almost as high as any other company? Bezos is very smart. He is driven. He is a risk-taker, and he is creative. He saw the potential of the internet and e-commerce, starting with selling books. He tried it out, and then he kept experimenting. From book sales to e-commerce powerhouse to Blue Origin, the Washington Post, and Whole Foods. Bezos understood his skills, observed opportunities, experimented, and then kept going. He was not afraid to try something new, that’s for sure.
The Culinary Icon
Julia Child was the bestselling author of Mastering The Art of French Cooking, as well as the host of the popular television program The French Chef.Mastering The Art of French Cooking was considered ground-breaking upon its release in 1961 and remained the best-selling cookbook for five straight years. The French Chef, which started in Boston, became so popular it was syndicated to 96 stations throughout America. The French Chef premiered in 1962 and was so well received it went on to air for 206 episodes.
Mastering The Art of French Cooking and The French Chef succeeded in changing the way Americans related to food, certainly French food. Child is credited with convincing the American public to try cooking French food at home.
So how did this all happen? How did Julia Child become an American icon, changing American attitudes and tastes in cooking?
She was born in 1912 in Pasadena, California. Her father was also a Princeton graduate, like Jeff Bezos, and was an early investor in California real estate. Julia grew up in affluence, graduating from the prestigious Smith College in Massachusetts, where she studied history. She was tall, 6 feet 2 inches. She was athletic, adventurous and — as one of her school friends said — was, “really, really wild.”
After college, Child had a stint in New York in the advertising department of home furnishings company W. & J. Sloane. She ended up being fired for “gross insubordination.” With the onset of World War II, Child joined the Office of Strategic Services (OSS), a forerunner of the CIA. In 1945, while working in Sri Lanka, she met fellow OSS employee Paul Child. The following year they returned to the U.S. and were married. In 1948, Paul was working for the U.S. Foreign Service and was assigned to Paris. While there, Julia developed a love for French cuisine and attended the world-famous Cordon Bleu cooking school. After she finished the program, she banded together with fellow Cordon Bleu students Simone Beck and Louisette Bertholle to form the cooking school L’Ecole de Trois Gourmandes (The School of the Three Gourmandes) in 1951.
In 1961, Paul Child retired from the U.S. Foreign Service and the couple returned to the U.S. to live in Cambridge, Massachusetts. As mentioned, her bestselling cookbook Mastering The Art of French Cooking was published in 1961 and her television show was launched in 1962.
In 1993, Julia Child became the first woman inducted into the Culinary Hall of Fame. In 2000, she received the Legion d’Honneur, France’s highest honor.
What accounts for Julia Child’s success? It is probably as much due to her sense of adventure and willingness to take risks as anything else. It would not have been easy to see her future career path growing up, in college, or before her move to Paris. She was athletic, was considered to be wild, and was fired for “gross insubordination.” She served in World War II in the OSS. But does this add up to world famous cooking icon? Not exactly. But Julia Child was a passionate, risk-taking person. Once she moved to Paris and attended the Cordon Bleu cooking school, she found her passion and her love. She would bring the fine art of French cuisine back to American households. She would pursue this vision with boldness and experimentation. From a cooking school in Paris with two Cordon Bleu classmates to writing a best-selling cookbook and starring in a hit TV show.
Julia Child was an original. What made her television show so successful was her combination of humor, exuberance, and unpretentiousness, mixed with knowledge of French cuisine. She was fearless as she cooked on the show. She often made mistakes while cooking, but remained unflappable, encouraging viewers to accept mishaps and continue to cook. She provided clear instructions and explanations. She would always sign off her show with her catch phrase, “Bon Appetit.”
When I think of my own experience as an executive coach, I have taken many assessments both to better understand myself and to help my clients. In the mid 1990s, I took an assessment that was both helpful and pretty accurate. It said that I was intuitive and analytical. I liked working on a common project or mission with others who were like-minded. I liked learning and personal growth, where I was solving a problem and making an impact. All this feedback was and is true. But at the time, while all this resonated, I remember asking myself, “What do I do with all this? What do I do now?”
As I mentioned in my last blog on the refining cycle, in hindsight I ended up experimenting. I took a job at an aviation services company doing financial and business analysis. Then after another assessment and executive coaching feedback, I became an executive coach. Speaking in church one day about my story led me to write a manuscript about my life’s journey. All this and some experience on two nonprofit boards led me to think I had a perspective on leadership that has culminated in Crucible Leadership. In my own way, I tried to observe, learn, and experiment. And yes, I was willing to take risks. It might not have been jump-off-a-bridge type risks, but they were risks nonetheless.
The stories of Jeff Bezos, Julia Child, and even myself offer a template for how to understand your design and apply it. Know how you are wired, know what you love and are passionate about … then experiment. Life cannot be lived in a lab. We have to be willing to move and be willing to make mistakes. Experimentation, mistakes, and even failure are the price of success and significance.
Reflection
What have you learned from the assessments you have taken?
How do you, your friends, and loved ones look at the positions you have had and the assessments you have taken? What are the common threads?
What next step or position should you be willing to take that is in line with your design, that you are passionate about, and which will move you forward? What risk do you need to be willing to take?
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Forty-nine percent of U.S. business professionals say they’ve suffered “an experience so traumatic it fundamentally changed their lives.” Crucible Leadership founder and Beyond the Crucible host Warwick Fairfax explores the many forms these searing experiences can take and offers healing insights for not just surviving them, but thriving in the aftermath of them.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel. And be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
👉 Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
Transcript
Transcript Coming Soon.
Most leaders don’t talk about their failures. But Crucible Leadership founder and Beyond the Crucible host Warwick Fairfax has discovered learning, and sharing, the lessons of how he lost the family media dynasty can help others move past life’s most shattering setbacks. The toughest part of his crucible moment, he explains, was not the number of zeroes in the price tag of the loss. It was the emotional devastation of feeling he had let down his parents, his ancestors, and even God. Discover how he has moved past the pain to lead a life of significance … and how you can, too.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and leave a comment at our YouTube channel. And be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
👉 Take the free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment to discover where you are on your journey of moving beyond your crucible and how to chart your personal course to a life of significance: https://beyondthecrucible.com/assessment/
