In the latest episode of our special summer series, we focus on four big take-aways from the movie that made Bruce Willis a superstar that can help you move beyond setbacks and failures. Even if you haven’t been trapped in a skyscraper seized by international terrorists, there is much to learn here about triumphing over whatever challenges you have faced. Just two of the points we’ll touch on: why it’s critical to lean into your sense of humor even when what’s happening to you isn’t funny … and why you’ll need some fellow travelers to take the journey to a life of significance with you.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax the founder of Crucible Leadership.




John McClane:
Al, yo pal, you got a minute?




Al Powell:
I'm here, John.




John McClane:

Listen, man, I'm starting to get a bad feeling up here. I want you to do something for me, I want you to find my wife. Don't ask me how by then you'll know how. I want you to tell her something. I want you to tell her that, tell her that it took me a while to figure out what a jerk I've been but... That when things started to pan out for her, I should have been more supportive. And I just should have been behind her more. Tell her that she's the best thing that ever happened to a bum like me. She's heard me saying "I love you" a thousand times. She never heard me say, "I'm sorry." I want you to tell her that, Al, I want you to tell her that "John said that he was sorry." Okay. You got that, man?




Al Powell:

Yeah. I got it, John. But you can tell her that yourself. You just watch your ass, and you'll make it out of there. Do you hear me?




John McClane:
Al, I guess that's up to the man upstairs.




Gary Schneeberger:

That scene you just heard is one of the quietest you'll find in the movie Die Hard, which is usually celebrated for its explosive action. But as rousing as that is, it's not what Warwick and I are going to be focusing on this week. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. We're going to spend our time talking about the film that propelled Bruce Willis into rarefied box office air by focusing on four big takeaways to help you move beyond your setbacks and failures. That's why we've chosen Die Hard as episode six of our summer series LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES. Because even if you haven't been trapped in a skyscraper seized by international terrorists, there is much to learn here about moving beyond whatever challenges you have faced. Just two of the points we'll touch on, why it's critical to lean into your sense of humor even when what's happening to you isn't funny. And why you'll need some fellow travelers to take the journey to a life of significance with you.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, it's funny, I think I misspoke last week. Last week when we did the Spider-Man episode I said that Spider-Man might be the hero whose life is perhaps most packed with crucibles. And then I watched Die Hard again in the Crucible Leadership, Beyond the Crucible context and was like, "Oh okay." John McClane, Bruce Willis's character in Die Hard the New York cop he plays, he gets crucible, after crucible, after crucible, after crucible. It's like when people use those tennis machines that throw balls at you so he can learn how to hit your ground stroke. Right? That's what happens to John McClane in this movie. And he, I think, endures more crucibles than any hero we've discussed so far. And the lessons we can learn from them may be among the most helpful and practical that we've covered so far in the situations that we'll find ourselves in.




Gary Schneeberger:

Disclaimer: I'm not saying we're not saying that the situations that you're going to find yourself in are going to be life-threatening situations where terrorists, thieves, burglars, robbers are trying to steal bearer bonds out of a high rise. That's not what we're talking about. You're not likely to find yourself in that situation, thankfully. But you will find yourself in situations where some of the tips that come out in this film will be helpful. This morning when we were talking about this before we pressed record, Warwick, you indicated that you were like, "Oh, Die Hard. Maybe there's not..." And then you watched it and you're like, "Oh my gosh. That's good. And that's good. And that's good." So, you had that experience yourself of there are very good actionable steps out of this movie.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. Typically, when you watch a movie, you watch it to be entertained, whether it's Spider-man or Die Hard, or Robin Hood. You're not thinking, "Gee, what are the leadership lessons in this movie? What are the crucible lessons? How can I bounce back from my worst day?" And so, it's a great action movie, like all of us I've seen it many times but having watched it last night just to prepare for today's podcast, it's like, "There actually are a lot of lessons." But you don't think about it when you're watching it just for entertainment as most of us do. So that's partly why we're here to help you look at these movies, and in this case, Die Hard, through a different lens a Crucible Leadership lens.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And this is, as, with all the films that we're talking about, listener, in this series, these are movies that Warwick and I have liked even before we talked about them here. These are things that have been on our... I've probably seen Die Hard, I'm not making this up, 50 times in my life. In fact, major dork alert, here's my wallet, okay? I'm about to show you one of the things I keep in my wallet is John McClane's ID Card from the New York Police Department. This is how big a fan I am of Die Hard. I carry around John McClane's ID as seen in the movie. He's badge number 881. And he joined the department on March 17th, 1980, just in case you were wondering. So, this is one of the reasons why we talk about these movies, and we revisit them because we've always liked them. And then we watched them and these resonant truths about moving beyond your crucible are what we're trying to unpack here.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, and one of the things that's very cool about this is that Bruce Willis wanted to make sure, even though this is about what movie heroes can teach us about overcoming setbacks and failure, Bruce Willis the actor who played John McClane, it was just his second movie role. He was a big hit on the TV show Moonlighting. He was a goofy romantic lead, a comedic lead. People weren't sure he was the right guy to do this movie, but the rest is box office history. This movie fueled his box office career for 30-plus years. But when he got the role, he wanted to make sure he did not play John McClane as a superhero. Somebody who was indestructible, somebody audiences couldn't identify with. Here's how he describes the character he in part and also the authors of this book right here, look at the size of this thing. This is Die Hard: A Visual History, an enormous book with lots of great facts about the film.




Gary Schneeberger:

But this is what they say about John McClane as played by Bruce Willis in the movie. "If McClane was instantly relatable, Willis made him more so." So not just on the page but the way Bruce Willis brought him to life made him more relatable. The former New Jersey bartender brought his own rough hue and appeal to the part, here's Bruce Willis talking about it. "Die Hard is probably the closest I've ever come to showing what's in my head on screen." He said, "I really wanted to play a vulnerable guy. I didn't want to be a superhero. I didn't want to be one of those larger-than-life kind of guys no one really knows. It's about an ordinary guy thrown into extraordinary circumstances." That's Bruce Willis' assessment of Die Hard in this book. Pretty accurate, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

It really is. He's just an ordinary New York cop that, as we'll see, is out in LA to see his family. And he has no idea this is going to happen. He's not signing up for some secret mission. He's just a guy who wants to see his family. And so just that sense of an ordinary guy thrown into extraordinary circumstance. Ironically, and this is where it's important to just bear this in mind as we talk through this episode, a lot of the greatest well, not a lot but some of the greatest leaders in history are quote-unquote ordinary guys. And you'll hear this a lot on Crucible Leadership and Beyond the Crucible. I think of Abraham Lincoln he was pretty much an ordinary guy from backwoods of then, Illinois had a country lawyer at one point he would go on the circuit, so to speak. From town to town because back then they didn't have lawyers all over the place and so they would go judge, prosecutor, defender, and adjudicate these cases. He wasn't this large than life hero. But when he became President with the Civil War about to begin, he was indeed an ordinary guy thrown into extraordinary circumstances.




Warwick Fairfax:

If it hadn't been for the times maybe, we would never have heard of Abraham Lincoln. So, this is more common than you think about it. And just that notion of an ordinary guy thrown into extraordinary circumstances, there are some powerful lessons. Maybe we won't be thrown into these kind of circumstances but many of us might think we're just ordinary men and women but what do you do if you're in extraordinary times? And maybe it's not this particular circumstance but it's often the case that you'll find yourself in challenging circumstances. So, what do you do, an ordinary man or woman thrown into challenging circumstances? And there are lessons here.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And the authors of Die Hard: The Ultimate Visual History went on to say about John McClane, exactly to your point, "McClane is the ultimate underdog engaged in a one-man war of attrition against a group of criminals. He lives from moment to moment existing on his wits and adapting to his surroundings. He doesn't have gadgets like James Bond. He makes do with makeshift bombs and duct tape. And he even uses a fire hose to pull off one of the greatest escapes in cinematic history." And that from your point to Lincoln to these points here about John McClane it's a great thought to keep in mind as we begin pressing forward on some of the lessons in this movie.




Gary Schneeberger:

John McClane isn't just an everyman, he's an every hero he offers us all great hope that no scrape we find ourselves in is insurmountable. If John McClane can get through it, we can get through it. Different circumstances, we say it all the time on the show, right? The circumstances of your crucible may be different but the emotions you go through as you're going through it are the same. We'll find that to be true as we walk through Die Hard and John McClane's journey there.




Warwick Fairfax:

I want to dwell a bit on what you just said, Gary. I think it's just so important for listeners to think about it. You mentioned that he is an every hero, if you will. What's interesting is you rightly point out is he doesn't have super gadgets like James Bond. He doesn't have super superhuman powers like Spider- Man or some of the other superheroes that we're familiar with. Yes, we'll see he's a New York cop but it's just more his ability to think through challenging circumstances. So, he doesn't achieve success by the use of superpowers, who of us have superpowers? I mean none of us. It's more just his attitude, his character the way he thinks about things, his spirit.




Gary Schneeberger:
And the R-word, and the R-word, his resilience.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. Exactly. So, I think as much as really any hero that we've spoken about, there are lessons that are very relatable because there isn't like, "Oh well, I didn't get pumped with green fluid or wherever it was like Captain America." And "Gee, if I was Captain America of course..." And that greatly simplifies the plot of the story and his character but it's easy to dismiss somebody like Captain America and say, "Oh, that's not me." John McClane, in a sense, could be any of us. That's why it's so relatable. So yeah, it's really an excellent story to explore.




Gary Schneeberger:

Absolutely. And then there are four big takeaways that we're going to talk about. And the first one is this, crucibles often come in bunches. Does that resonate with you, listener? It's not just one crucible, crucibles often come in bunches. And even though weariness can set in, keep taking one small step toward making your vision a reality. That is what we speak about here at Beyond the Crucible. What Warwick speaks about in his book Crucible Leadership. And certainly, what John McClane lives out on the screen in Die Hard.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's one point about that, a little bit humor for listeners. When you talk about crucibles come in bunches. I often talk about the gift that keeps on giving. I've had times in my life when it's like, whether it's a person, an individual it might be, "Hey, I just forgave them for the last thing. I mean, can I have a nanosecond to recover before the next incident? I can't keep up in my level of forgiveness." Or "I just dealt with that crucible. I mean are you serious?" So humorously, to myself, call it the gift that keeps on giving. It's like, "Can I get a break, please?" And so yes, indeed as we'll see with John McClane, he has many gifts that keep on coming, a lot of crucibles, it's unbelievable.




Gary Schneeberger:

Because we're talking about movies it makes perfect sense that you just said something about humorously. Because that's like a teaser coming attraction to one of the things that we're going to talk about. So, let's just level set who John McClane is. John McClane is a New York cop who's visiting Los Angeles to see his estranged wife, Holly, and their two young children for the holidays. That's crucible number one for John McClane, a troubled family life. But he hasn't even dipped his toe in the waters of how many crucibles he's going to end up with. He's going to get a tsunami of crucibles by the time the two hours and 15 minutes of this movie is over. He arrives at Nakatomi Plaza on Christmas Eve for Nakatomi Corporation's company party. He's dropped off by his chatty limo driver named Argyle, who agrees to hang around in case the family reunion doesn't go so well.




Gary Schneeberger:

It doesn't go so well. Seeing Holly again is not all hugs and kisses and I've missed you for the McClanes. They squabble about why she's now using her maiden name, Gennaro. And that's the last time they'll talk to each other until the end of the picture because of all of these crucibles that are going to come and hit him. Let's just start unpacking some of those or just listing some of those because we could do an entire episode if all we did was just like read from the phone book and list all the crucibles, right? It begins with Hans Gruber and his henchman arriving at Nakatomi Plaza, kill the security guards, and cut off all communications, then kidnap and terrorize the party guests including Holly, all while John is still in the bathroom cleaning up after his flight from New York to the Los Angeles.




Gary Schneeberger:

When he hears the gunshots, he's barefoot. Okay. That'll turn into a bad crucible, the reason these barefoot is the guy who sits next to him on the plane tells him, "If you're a nervous flyer" and John is, "the secret to surviving air travel is to make fists with your toes. Take off your shoes when you get where you're going, walk around and make fists with your toes." John takes him up on that advice which is why he spends the entire movie without shoes. I will pause here to say I won't make anybody see it, but I will pause here to say that in more than 200 episodes of the show I am not wearing shoes for this one, in honor of John McClane.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, I hope you haven't gone full John McClane because there are times we'll see him in which is walking through the glass. I hope you haven't quite gone that far.




Gary Schneeberger: No.




Warwick Fairfax: Which is good.




Gary Schneeberger:
I don't even like to walk through pebbles without shoes on. So, I am just sitting here at the desk.




Warwick Fairfax:

I think there is one small lesson that we can learn just this early in the movie. If you're sitting next to somebody on a plane and they give you some hair-brained advice, don't listen to it. It will come back to bite him. I mean, advice is good but not everybody you sit next to will have earth-shattering advice that will help you for the good. In this case, he listens to the wrong advice, as we often say, listen to the right advisors, not the bad ones. He listens to a bad advisor, and he'll have no shoes for the whole movie that will come back to bite him in major ways. So, there you go. Don't listen to people who are sitting next to you on the airplane.




Gary Schneeberger:

There you go. And then after that, right, after he runs out with his gun with no shoes on when he hears the gunshots the crucibles then come even more fast and even more furious, not to mix up movie series, but they come fast and furious after that all rooted in him trying to stay alive. In John McClane trying to stay alive and free the hostages that Hans Gruber as men have taken, to make it appear that they want something other than all the money that's in the vault there at the Nakatomi Corporation. They're after bearer bonds negotiable bearer bonds and millions and millions of them, 600 million, I believe, is what it is at the end. So, the movie then plays out with the terrorists hunting him down, and every little victory that John McClane wins as you watch this movie, he'll win a victory, he'll take out a terrorist. He'll find his way to go to another place in this big building that's under construction in order to think about what might come next. But every time he wins a little victory he will then run headlong into another defeat. And he can't seem to extricate himself throughout the film from the corners he gets backed into and the tight spaces he winds up in as he tries to escape.




Gary Schneeberger:

And we could talk about these all day. One of them that hits me is that he's trying to use his police acumen to get the cops to show up and realize what's going on. So, he pulls a fire alarm, right? But what happens? The terrorists have taken out communications. They call into the fire department and say, "Oops. That's a false alarm." So, John McClane's watching these hook and ladders come in and he's like, "Yeah. Come on, come on, come on." And then they turn around and go away. And he's foiled, crucible. But there are a lot of those kinds of things that happen. Right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I know one that we talked about, you mentioned, right after that is he uses this handheld radio, CB radios to try to get somebody. And the police emergency channel says, "It's a federal crime to be using these. If you have a problem call 911." Well, he can't call 911 because the bad guy had disconnected all the phones. And so, it's very comical in some ways but he runs through crucible after crucible, crisis after crisis. And he sees the fire engines from, he's probably on the 20th, 30th floor, that he sees him coming towards the building and the bad guys turn them around and pretend to be good guys and say, "Everything's okay."




Warwick Fairfax:

And it's just no matter what he does for a good part of the movie, people just turn back and he's like, "Are you kidding me? What are you doing?" But he's frustrated, very frustrated but as we'll see it doesn't stop him. But it's comical. But for most of us, it's like, "What do I have to do to get help here?" I mean, oh my gosh he's frustrated. But yet, as we'll see, there are some lessons we can learn from him.




Gary Schneeberger:

And here's one of the big ones, I think, of what we've just been talking about, about his frustration and continuing to hit brick walls as he's trying to move forward and get beyond. I mean, he solves one crucible and then he gets hit in the face with another one. The relevant point to apply here I think is, and hopefully most of our crucibles are less chaotic and life-threatening, but here's a key truth that you can apply. Don't give up, don't try to jump to the end, take one small step followed by another small step, tackling the challenge right in front of you before moving on to the one behind that. String together enough of these little victories and you wind up with the big one you're aiming at. That, even if you're not stuck in a building that's being held up by terrorists in really, really nice suits, that's good advice for how to get through a crucible, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean so often we think whether it's World War II or whatever it is, "Gee, how are we going to defeat Nazi Germany? It's all hopeless." Okay. Well, one step at a time. Maybe how do we try to with radar in England, the UK how do we use that to survive one more day of bombing by the Luftwaffe? Shoot enough of their planes down to make some small victory. You're not thinking about the whole, big war. You're thinking about, "How do I survive today?" And that's exactly what John McClane does, he just takes one small step. And the other thing I think is fascinating is he doesn't, as you rightly say, he doesn't try to jump to the end. So, what he could do is confront all the terrorists at once. At one point he gets a machine gun, several times he gets a machine gun from the bad guys and just takes them all on.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, the chances of victory it's a million to one he would lose as would all of the hostages. So, he tries guerilla tactics. Again, another historical reference I think of, I think of the American Revolution if George Washington with his rag-tag group of soldiers that, not all of them had terrific training, a lot of them were just farmers. If he took on the might of the British Army in one head-on onslaught certainly at the beginning of that war, he would've lost. He realized victory is surviving, using guerilla tactics and the British couldn't defeat him because they found it difficult to engage. Well, eventually he won. So, there would be no United States if George Washington hadn't had the sense to have this idea of guerilla tactics, and just how do I survive? How do I take one small step? It worked for Britain in World War II. It worked for the American colonies, and it worked for John McClane. So, strategies to live by.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And it's important to note as you talk about overwhelming power on the other side, I mean these terrorists show up, right, with a dozen guys and McClane just starts clipping them off one at a time. And he keeps track, he's got a sharpie and he marks down how many people he's taken out and that's one of the ways that he... He doesn't, exactly as you said, he doesn't try to go confront them all down where they're holding everybody hostage. He's working on the fringes trying to whittle away their numbers until he can then find that opportunity to be successful. I do want to go back to the guy on the plane who gave him the advice about the make fist with your toes. Because while that turns out not to be a great idea when terrorists overtake the building, you're in and you're barefoot, what he's really saying there, there's a principle there I think that's that can be beneficial to us and that's this.




Gary Schneeberger:

It doesn't have to be make fists with your toes, maybe it will be. But the idea behind that is breathe, relax, disengage from the thing that is causing you stress. For John McClane that was flying. Disengage from that thing that stress and anxiety and focus on something else that will take your mind off it and relax your body. And I want to give another quick example from my own life about this sort of thing. I've talked on the show before, when I was in AA, my sponsor would tell me in the early days of my sobriety, "When you find yourself in this place where you're thinking about drinking again and that urge is growing in you," he said, "Go outside and look for ladybugs." Now here's his point, his point wasn't, you're going to find ladybugs, because they're awfully hard to find. His point was if you're out in the field looking for ladybugs and they're really hard to find, your mind and your body are going to be engaged in something other than that obsession that you have at the moment of, "I need to have a drink." You're going to redirect your energy and attention into something that's more profitable for you.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I think that's what "make fists with your toes" can be beneficial to us. This idea of whether we do that or not, when in the midst of a crucible, if you can find something to take your mind off of just staring and focusing on the problem and giving yourself some relief from obsessing about that problem it will help you solve that problem. That's a pretty fair statement that has proven true through a lot of guests, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's an incredibly good point, Gary, when you're going through a crucible or often a series of crucibles because they can come in series, you've got to keep your wits about you. You've got to keep calm and it's not easy to do that because imagine John McClane if he's panicking and going, "Oh my gosh. There are terrorists. My wife's been captured by the terrorists. They're killing people. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Let me run around like a crazy man and say stop it, stop it, don't do this." Or whatever. He wouldn't be able to think clearly. And he would lose. And the terrorists, the bad guys, would win. And so, he does it through a number of means but just the idea of just relax, take a breath. Because if you think about it, will panicking serve you? Is that going to help you make a good next wise decision? It actually will pretty much ensure that you'll make a cataclysmically bad decision.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so it could be by meditation, it could be by prayer. I'm in Northern Michigan as it happens, during the summer. And just taking a walk in nature in the woods, I find incredibly relaxing. Maybe it's listening to your favorite music, but whatever it is find ways to relax yourself, to center yourself, to calm yourself. Even when you think, "How can I be calm when the world is falling apart? Look what's happening to my loved ones. How in the world can I be calm?" But if you really care about other people that you're trying to care for if you care about the crucibles you're trying to challenge, you've got to find a way to keep calm keep centered, and relaxed. So, all joking aside, the metaphor of this of relax and ball your toes on the carpet just to relax yourself, the metaphor is important. Find ways to relax and disengage. It's critical to be able to make good decisions as you try to get through your crucible or crucibles.




Gary Schneeberger:

Absolutely. And point 2 as we move on for what John McClane does. John McClane does this so well in Die Hard that it changed action movies forever in the '80s, this movie came out in 1988 and that character and the way that Bruce Willis played him changed action movies and one of the reasons that it did so was our second point of what you can learn from this movie for your own crucible experiences. And that is to keep your sense of humor. John McClane does not take himself too seriously. And he certainly doesn't meet his crucibles with somber depression. He finds the humor in his plight, as deadly serious as it is. Consider the gag he pulls on the first henchman he kills. He sends him down in the elevator to where Hans and company are holding their hostages. Having plopped a Santa hat on the dead man's head, this happens around Christmas, and we could do a whole other podcast on whether Die Hard's a Christmas movie, but we won't do that. This happens at a Christmas party.




Gary Schneeberger:

He sends the guy down with a Santa hat on his head and he's written on his sweatshirt, "Now I have a machine gun ho, ho, ho." And just because I always have an outfit for these shows, I will reveal, there I am, "Now I have a machine gun ho, ho, ho." On my t-shirt Which I wear every Christmas to some party somewhere, I wear this t-shirt. But the point of all that is John McClane keeps it light even while he is in the midst of circumstances that are heavy. And that is critically important, isn't it? To have a sense of humor, not to laugh at your pain but to keep your spirits up as you go through, walk through your pain.




Warwick Fairfax:

It is such an incredibly good point. I mean often, in the darkest hours a sense of humor at yourself, at the situation I'm sure in the darkest hours of World War II, whether it was the Battle of Britain or the Battle of the Bulge when you had American forces and, I think Belgium it was, dug in foxholes in as cold a winter it's ever been with the onslaught of the Germans. I bet you in those foxholes there were GIs joking about the situation. Given how dire the plight was, you better believe that happened. And so, a sense of humor it's a way of relieving stress. It's also another way of helping to clear your brain so that you'll think clearly.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, it's really critical. It's not that the situation is humorous, that his wife and other people are taken hostage and he's getting shot at but finding a way to see the humor in the situation relieves stress and helps you to think clearly. People have done this for hundreds or thousands of years amidst dire circumstances, seeing the humor in it. Not for the sake of humor but just for the sake of just relieving stress and helping to think clearly, it works. And John McClane is a tremendous example.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And I mean there's any number of examples. So, one of them is the first terrorist he kills, he's like, "Oh, I don't have any shoes on. I'm going to take this guy's shoes and put them on. I'll be fine." And the shoes are too small for him. And he says, "9 million terrorists in the world. And I got to kill one with feet smaller than my sister." Which is funny, and again, the circumstances couldn't be more dire, and the stakes more high but he is finding a way to laugh and blow off steam. Later he's crawling through the air ducts of this building, as I said it's under construction, they're building the Nakatomi Plaza up he's crawling around in the air ducts. And he pulls a Zippo lighter out of his pocket so he can see where he is going.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he realizes in that moment I came out here to see my wife and kids for Christmas. And this is where I'm at. And he actually mimics Holly's voice and says, "Come out to the coast. We'll get together have a few laughs." He's like, "This is just not what I was expecting." And speaking of funny here's a funny anecdote about not just that scene but the movie in general. The actor, it could have been, crawling around in that duct, Warwick, it could have been Frank Sinatra.




Warwick Fairfax: No. Really?




Gary Schneeberger:

Frank Sinatra at the time, this movie came out in '88, made in '87. So Frank was probably about 72. The reason it could have been Frank Sinatra, quick story, is that in 1968 Frank Sinatra made a film called The Detective. It was based on a book by an author named Roderick Thorp. Roderick Thorp also wrote the book on which Die Hard was based. It wasn't called Die Hard. It was called Nothing Lasts Forever. The character was much older and there's very, very few beats of the story that are the same. But because Sinatra, 20 years earlier, had signed a contract for The Detective based on a book by Roderick Thorp, he had it in his contract that if they ever made a sequel, he had to be offered the role first. So, when they made this, technically a sequel, they had to offer 72-year-old Frank Sinatra the role of John McClane. This is the part I love the most. Sinatra said, when they asked him, "Nah, I'm too old and I'm too rich." And that's how Bruce Willis got his big break. So, the trivia question listeners is Die Hard the sequel to a Frank Sinatra film? The answer is yes.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, there's another scene where one of the bad guys surprises him in a conference room and McClane doesn't shoot him right away. And the guy says to him, "Oh, next time you have a chance to kill somebody, don't hesitate." McClane shoots up through the table and kills him and says, "Thanks for the advice." There's just moment, after moment, after moment of that where he's releasing the pressure valve of this pressure cooker that he's in. And that is pivotal to help him get through what he has to get through. And then there's of course, Warwick, the one that we can't say is the most famous line in the film. We can't say it because it's a family show, but it begins with Yippee Ki Yay.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's his response when Hans says, "Do you really think you have a chance against us Mr. Cowboy?" And he says, "Yippee Ki Yay [Insert bad word here]". So, these all are things, right, that the... We've all heard that laughter's the best medicine. And this is true even especially when the sickness we're fighting is moving beyond a crucible. The most tragic circumstances can be met with hopeful optimism. We don't laugh as we've said because what we're going through is funny, but because it helps stabilize our spirits to meet the challenges emotional and otherwise, we'll encounter on our path to significance. It's fair to say, isn't it, Warwick, that there's no way John McClane gets through this crucible and all of these crucibles if he doesn't keep his sense of humor?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's so well said, Gary. I mean I love all those scenes. Yeah. That one when he is crawling through the air duct, he's sweating profusely, it's small, he's probably, you can't help being a bit claustrophobic even if you're not claustrophobic if you're crawling through this really narrow air vent. There are bad guys with machine guns all over the place. You don't know where they're going to appear next. And he is as you say channeling Holly and saying, "Yeah, come out to the coast. We'll get together, and have a few laughs." And he grimaces, it's like, "Why am I here?" I mean he's just laughing at the craziness.




Gary Schneeberger: The absurdity of it all.




Warwick Fairfax: Exactly.




Gary Schneeberger: Absurdity.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. The absurdity of the situation. Now he could have taken on a different task. It's like, "Why didn't I just stay in New York? Gosh, Holly's here and she never should have left." Or, "Maybe I shouldn't have come out and I'm an idiot. She is an idiot. We're both idiots. Why am I here? It's Christmas. I'm not on the job." As they say in the police, he could have gone in a very negative spiral and that would've been a very different movie. But he didn't, he just had this sense of hopeful optimism, as you put it. And he wasn't laughing just for the sake of laughing that it's all a laughing matter. It just did help, as we've said, to keep him sounded emotionally. It helped him think clearly, keep his spirits up. I mean I guess the two biggest points is yes keeping your spirits up, but you have to be able to think clearly in a crisis. The greatest leaders in history have been very, very calm amidst a crisis.




Warwick Fairfax:

Off-topic here for a moment but as listeners know I love history; I think of Admiral Horatio Nelson before the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805 where he is taking on the combined French and the Spanish fleets, he would die in the process. But it was always said of Nelson in that half hour before the battle he was completely calm. I mean havoc was about to come. A lot of people were going to die in that naval engagement. He was completely calm and often great leaders, when the crucibles are at their height, find a way, and in this case through humor, of being calm. That's where you make the best decisions and think clearly. So, yeah, John McClane is really a great role model of how you got to be amidst a crisis.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I hadn't thought about it until you just said that about thinking through it a little bit. Find time to separate yourself and calm. There's this scene when he is up and he's working on that saw, right? That saw goes off and he bangs himself in the head and says, "Think, think." He's trying to will himself to think beyond the next crucible. How to get through what he's facing because he's stuck on an unfinished floor in this high rise at Nakatomi Plaza. And he knows they're coming for him. And he's trying to think of a way to get out of that. One of the ways that John McClane ended up getting out of this is our third point of key takeaways. And that is you need a team of fellow travelers. I think one of the things that's often most misunderstood about this movie, in all seriousness, is that John McClane is often painted as a Lone Wolf. One man against this literal army of terrorists.




Gary Schneeberger:

But that overlooks two relationships critical to his coming out on top and saving the day. And without one of them Al Powell he is, for you listeners if you don't remember the name, he's the Twinkie-eating cop and then, Argyle, his limo driver. Without those characters and what they bring to the table for John McClane, he would not achieve his goals. Powell's chief role is to be his confidant and cheerleader. After a rough start to their relationship, it is Powell, after all, who John throws a dead terrorist out on his police cruiser as he is trying to get away finally able to get the police's attention by dropping a dead terrorist out of a 32nd-floor window onto Al Powell's car. So, they get off on a bit of a rocky start but as they get to know each other, talk to each other on those CB radios, Powell offers a sympathetic ear and actionable intelligence to John McClane. They bond over their disdain for law enforcement bureaucracy and their love for their families.




Gary Schneeberger:

And when fatigue and discouragement start to get McClane thinking fatalistically, he's no longer now being glib and funny, he says, "I have a bad feeling" in the clip that we played at the beginning of the show. That is when Al Powell really shows the benefit of a team of fellow travelers. That scene was pretty powerful when McLean's finally at the end of his rope. He's been funny. He's been in control but not having any shoes, Hans realizes that when they meet, he has his henchman shoot out the glass windows in the building McLean's got to run through. He's got glass in his feet. He's feeling like he's not going to get out okay. And that's when he has the conversation with Al Powell that we heard at the beginning of the show. Why is that so pivotal? That moment and having that person that you can confide in and get advice from?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I mean amidst a crisis or series of crises and crucibles as we say, you've got to have fellow travelers at the beginning and the end of the movie John McClane has Argyle the limo driver, and then through a good part of the movie he has Al Powell. And there's two beats of this that I think are fascinating is that John McClane has a habit of cultivating fellow travelers. He has a habit of creating a climate where they want to help him. With Argyle when he picks him up from the airport McClane said, "Hey, this is the first time I've ever been in a limo." Argyle says, "Well it's the first time I've ever driven one." And John McClane sits in the front seat of a limo. Well, you don't do that. At least not here in Australia. Again, a brief anecdote when I was growing up, you'd always sit in the front seat of a cab, of a taxi. And if you didn't the taxi driver would say, "What's your problem?" I mean because Australia's a pretty egalitarian place, but anyway.




Warwick Fairfax:

So he befriends him and listens to Argyle and says, "Yeah, Argyle, you've got some wisdom there." And he jokes around and he doesn't think of himself as better than Argyle and saying with Al there's a pivotal scene somewhere around there where I guess we'll talk about this here in a bit and you'll unpack it where Powell had some challenging circumstances earlier. And what's amazing is that John McClane says, "Oh. I'm so sorry, Al, that's got to have been difficult." Now here is John McClane fighting for his life, and he's shown the time to be empathetic with somebody who's in safety. That makes no sense in one sense. So, he has a habit of cultivating fellow travelers just by his empathy and care, and his humor. But in the clip that we just heard it's so profound because John McClane realizes, "Hey, I might not get out of this. This could be the end."




Warwick Fairfax:

And that's a time when you reflect and he wants to make things right with his wife, realizing, "Gosh, maybe I should have come out. Not stayed in New York and come out and support her in Los Angeles. And yeah, maybe I've said I love you, but I've never said I'm sorry. And please tell her that." And obviously, Al says, "You can tell her that yourself." But he's really asking for forgiveness. He's empathizing with Al. He is trying to make sure that his legacy is preserved, that things are going to be made right, even if things don't end, he wants things to be right with his wife and with his kids. And so, it's a tremendous scene where he's not so much just thinking of himself. He just wants to make things right with Holly. He's really thinking of her and the relationship. And it is just a great scene, it just shows his character and where his heart is. It's a tremendous scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

This is a good time to make the general point that we talk about a lot here on the show. And you talk a lot in Crucible Leadership about the importance of receiving and giving forgiveness, asking for it, and offering it. That is a critical part of getting us through a crucible. And this is a different kind of crucible that John McClane's facing at this moment in the film. He's not facing crucibles from bullets at the time he's facing a crisis of conscience, if you will, a crucible of conscience. He feels bad about how he's treated Holly about the fact that he didn't support her career when it took off. And he wants her to know that in addition to loving her that he's sorry that he didn't show that support. And that seeking forgiveness and extending forgiveness, are critical to getting past crucibles, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

It really is. And we cannot emphasize this enough. I mean we talk about getting beyond your worst day and having it not define you, getting out of the pit, living a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. And that's all very true but it's almost impossible to get out of that pit and get beyond your worst day without forgiveness. It could be yourself, in my case the mistakes I made that led to a failed $2.25 billion takeover, that hurt members of my family and thousands of employees. And, yeah, I mean it's not always easy to forgive yourself, but you have to because if you don't you can't move forward, and you won't be able to help anybody.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it may be forgiving, but, as we say, not condoning but forgiving hurt that was done to you. If you're not able to either forgive yourself or forgive others, as we say, it puts you in prison. It makes it impossible for you to move forward. So, the reason forgiveness is important because we say, you're worth it, your life's worth it, your family, your wife, your husband, your kids, your friends, they're all worth it. And so that's why forgiveness, again it's not condoning, but forgiveness is so important. If you don't forgive, I don't see how there's any way you can move beyond a crucible. You'll be stuck there forever. So, if you want to move beyond a crucible one of the things you have to do is to be able to forgive.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the things that Al Powell does in addition to, I mean yes, he offers an ear and actionable intelligence but he also, the filmmakers do this very cool thing at the end of the movie where we think it's over, right? We think John's won the day the building's fallen down; Hans has been dropped out of the building. He's no longer with us. And what we learn at the climax of the film, the end of the film isn't really the end of the film. John and Holly are reunited. They've rekindled their love. They're walking out of the building, TV cameras are trying to get to him and angry bureaucratic cops are trying to yell at them. But all of a sudden, we hear a scream, and there one of the bad guys who we presumed was dead, killed by John McClane, comes out with a machine gun and someone shoots him and eliminates him. And camera pulls tight, and it was Al Powell.




Gary Schneeberger:

And why that's such a meaningful scene to what you alluded to earlier when John McClane is showing empathy toward Al Powell. Al Powell had been on desk duty for a while at the Los Angeles Police Department because he accidentally shot a kid who had a toy gun that looked real. And Powell drew quickly. And he says to John over the walkie-talkie, as he's explaining this harrowing and emotional thing that happened to him, that he hasn't been able to draw his gun since. So, there at the end who is it that is there? What fellow traveler saves John's life literally, by taking out the bad guy? It's Al Powell. And the beautiful part of that is they both offer emotional support and healing to each other and that helps them both move beyond their crucibles. Right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. It's such a great scene and we all need fellow travelers. And I think it's a symbiotic, mutually supportive environment. They support you; you support them. And it's impossible to know but maybe that psychological support from John McClane and, "Hey look, I'm so sorry. That's difficult." Clearly, McClane's a cop. He gets why situations can be difficult in that split-second judgment you got to have. And then there's a sense of redemption from Al Powell. And if he hadn't gotten beyond his crucible and he'd frozen, John McClane who I think is with Holly at the time, he or both of them may be dead.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so, Al was able to get beyond his crucible, he was able to maybe forgive himself. And if he hadn't gotten beyond his crucible, he wouldn't have taken the action that was needed to save John and Holly. So, it's a great movie scene in which both John is supportive of Al and Al is supportive of John and they're able to help each other and each tackles their own crucibles to the benefit of both. So, you have a whole group of fellow travelers who are supporting each other and getting beyond their crucibles. It can be a powerful movement, if you will. It's really a critical scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, we talk a lot about the flywheel effect, right? That things begin to build momentum. And what you just said is a bit of a flywheel effect is we help each other moving through crucibles. It just helps us get beyond them with perhaps a little bit more sure footing than we would've had otherwise. I don't want to forget Argyle because Argyle is still part of the fellow travelers even though he spends most of the movie sitting in the parking garage in the limo talking on the cell phone and listening to music, not really paying attention to what's going on talking to girls on the cell phone or on the car phone. It's not even a cell phone then, it's a car phone.




Gary Schneeberger:

He hears a report about what's happening at Nakatomi Plaza. He moves out of where he is at so he can get in a better position in the parking garage. And he ends up helping out as well, when the getaway vehicle which is an ambulance, the guy who was the technical mastermind for the terrorists gets in to try to get the getaway going. Argyle smashes the limo into him. And then as you pointed out when we were talking earlier, he punches him out too. So, Argyle does indeed have some counseling for John in the beginning of the movie. And then he gets to show his action hero bona fides at the end. Right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Again, it's a smaller part of the movie in one sense but again John, he could have been consumed in that limo ride at the very beginning of the movie thinking, "How's it going to go with Holly and the kids? Am I going to be able to stay with them or not? Am I angry at Holly for moving out here? Am I angry at myself?" I mean he could have been flooded with a sea of emotions which would've been understandable. And so like, "I'm just sitting in the back of this limo. And I don't know this guy. I don't want to know this guy. And I'm just going to brood in my own self-reflective sea of conflicting emotions and thoughts." But he didn't he sits up front he engages him in conversation. Argyle asks him all these, "Do you think you made a mistake?" I mean he's just asking these really penetrating questions about Holly and everything.




Warwick Fairfax:

And John just smiles in his John McClane smirky way saying, "You're pretty smart there Argyle." So, they create a bond. And that bond was to serve him well later. The reason Argyle stayed is, "Well, let me stay because it sounds like you don't quite know what's going to happen with Holly. So, I'll stick around." Limo drivers typically don't stick around. They go off back home or to the next job. So again, a mutually symbiotic thing, they create a relationship that was obviously to be very beneficial in more ways than one to John McClane. So again, another example of a great fellow traveler and a relationship that was cultivated at the beginning of the movie just by John McClane being John McClane before any crisis had happened. He was just being his relatable, funny, nice guy self if you will.




Gary Schneeberger:

All right. So, let's pull the balloon strings together of this third point. You need a team of fellow travelers. The lessons here seem pretty clear, right? Don't go it alone when fighting through crucibles, confide in others, lean on them, take their counsel and encouragement to heart. Let them apply their abilities and expertise to help you achieve your vision. Al Powell saves John McClane's life. Argyle saves his significance in a sense because at the end of the movie when all of these forces, the bureaucratic cops who want to yell at them and the TV reporters who want to make a good story out of it, John and Holly need an escape and Argyle pulls up in the limo that's got a dent in it now because he ran into the ambulance but he's able to whisk them away. And that then gives them a safe place to reestablish their love and their family. So, it really is an excellent example of how our fellow travelers play a huge role in our life of significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

Speaking of significance, Warwick, our fourth point is one we can't make enough on this show and in Crucible Leadership. And that is success is great, but significance is greater. The big payoff here, if you're really watching the movie from this perspective that we watched it from, is not that John McClane saves the day from greedy, neatly dressed terrorists it's that he reunites with his wife and children, and they become a family again. Like anything that is successful in Hollywood, sequels were made to this movie, in the first sequel Die Hard 2 John McClane has resigned from the New York Police Department, and he's gotten a job with the Los Angeles Police Department. And he and Holly are living with the kids and happily married in Los Angeles and she is still killing it for the Nakatomi Corporation as an executive.




Gary Schneeberger:

Again, once movies get successful, they make a lot of other ones, and the stories aren't always clear about who's getting along with who in all the other movies. And but here's the other thing about sequels that is interesting to talk about, Warwick, the first two are clearly the best. Third one's pretty good. The third one ends with John and Holly had a little bit of an argument maybe, but at the end of the movie, he's at a payphone. If you remember those things, listeners, he's at a payphone and he's calling Holly to talk to her and see how she's doing. There's a thing that happens in Hollywood. And I know in part because I worked there for three years marketing films and that is, the Jurassic Park franchise is a great example. Sometimes sequels aren't received all that well, they just pretend they never happen.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, in terms of Jurassic Park they'll say that the third movie just didn't really... They'll just skip over and they'll they won't even talk about that. Rocky V is not part of the official Rocky cannon of films. They just pretend, Stallone pretends it didn't happen. So, the arc of the relationships here is pretty clear from one to two and even at the end of three which is the last one where Bonnie Bedelia's character Holly is referred to in great detail. They are still working at significance. It's not easy. And we know that to be true. Significance can be complicated, but John McClane is still working on his family relationships through the end of three and then in four and five with his kids, for sure. So, that life of significance that he was fighting for, I think, becomes something that we see in the sequels and something that if John McClane were real and we got a chance to ask him what was the most important thing he did, he'd say reconciling with his family was more important than saving the day at Nakatomi Plaza, I think. Would you agree?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it's an excellent point, Gary. I mean obviously saving the hostages and making sure the bad guys don't get away. And obviously, there's a scene toward the end of the movie where the bad guy, Hans Gruber got Holly as a hostage and John McClane finds a way of turning the tables and Hans Gruber ends up falling out the window and falling to his death. And yeah, from an action movie perspective it's a powerful scene and yes, John saves the day. But there is this subject of his relationship where he picks the job in New York as a New York policeman over supporting Holly and her career. And when he first goes to the Nakatomi Plaza, he sees she's going by her maiden name Gennaro which obviously doesn't bless him. And it's like, "Ah here we go." He is not a happy camper.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, towards the end of the movie he realizes, "You know what, I could get a job in LA as a cop." Which he does by Die Hard 2. And, "I could have supported her, and I could have handled this a whole lot better." And he realizes, "Okay, I like being a New York policeman but ultimately what's important in life?" That's an important job but maybe there's something more important. It's my relationship with my wife and my young kids that he has at the time. I can still be a cop, but I can still support her. It's not either or, so there's few things more important than our families, our loved ones, supporting them and supporting each other. And ultimately when you talk a lot about legacy, there are some that may have made millions or billions, and what do they want at their funeral? As we often say do we want people saying, yep. There was John or Mary they were a billionaire and founded all this stuff.




Warwick Fairfax:

Or maybe it's they had a loving wife, husband family friends they were a person of character. They were giving in the best sense of the word. They were loving. They were caring. They served others. What do you want your legacy to be? And McClane, I think, realizes when he was in that pivotal scene with Al, "I don't want this just to be about me being a cop." I think there's a subtext there. I love my wife. I love my family. Maybe there are some things more important than just being a cop. As important as that is, my family is critical. I can't sacrifice that for the job. So, it's a critical point about a life of significance and our families and legacy. And it's a beautiful subtext of this whole movie.




Gary Schneeberger:

As you say that I'm reminded to think back in the movie, right, how many times? Two or three times John pulls his wallet out and looks at pictures of his family. It's John and Holly and their two kids. And the smile on his face. There's a scene, and as I said I've watched this movie probably 50 times and I've never really focused on this scene I'm about to talk about here. When they first see each other in her office, her boss is walking him around and she walks into the office and surprises him. And it wasn't a planned meeting. It just happened. She didn't know he was in the office; he didn't know she was going to come into the office.




Gary Schneeberger:

And when he sees her, Bruce Willis does a great thing with John McClane's face, his face softens, he smiles this warm, relieved smile and it's in contrast to what he said earlier to Argyle when he's like, "Well why didn't you just move out here?" And he's like, "Oh, I can't. I got this backlog of scumbags in New York I got to put away." And he's all about the job, all about the job, all about the job. And you really get the sense, I really got the sense when I saw that smile, that relief on his face when he sees his wife again that's where John McClane realizes his life of significance and satisfaction is really going to come. Is that a fair observation?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. It is a great scene. And there is a sense of reconciliation even there. And he realizes just in seeing her it's like, "I need to be with my wife. I love her. I love my kids. We need to figure out a way to make that happen." I think we don't know but, in that scene, I have a feeling he'd probably already decided, "I'm not leaving. I'm going to find a way to be a cop here." Or I don't know. We don't really know but I wouldn't mind guessing that those thoughts had to have flooded his mind at that moment, "I love my wife. I love my family. I'm not going to sacrifice them." Does that make sense?




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, it certainly looks like it. It certainly looks like it on his face. That look when he looks at her it's like all the stress and the tension and LA's a weird place and all that stuff just floats away and all he sees is her. And it's really not to overplay it but in a movie that's a slam-bang action movie, it's a really beautiful scene of what makes John McClane's heart come alive. And I think that's very important to take away from this movie. Speaking of things you can take away from this movie. This is the time in the show that we like to come up with some points of reflection some things that you, the listener, can think about. About the things that are in the movie and the things that we've talked about here. And here's the fun part about this one. This is episode six on Die Hard and for the first five, we picked one. Here's one pointer of reflection.




Gary Schneeberger:

And Warwick and I were talking before we started our recording and we're like, "Oh, there's so many good ones." It's like the number of crucibles that hit John McClane. There's so many of them that there's so many good takeaway points of reflection. So, I'll go first with one I really think is important. I think it's important because I'm the guy that wears outfits to every one of these episodes. So, I have a little bit of a humorous streak, but I think one of the points, listener, to reflect on as you look at your crucibles is how can you use humor to move beyond your crucible. How can humor serve your significance? How can humor serve your bounce back? How can you use it, again, not to laugh at your circumstances, not to minimize the pain but to bleed off some of the hurt of the pain? To make things more tolerable to make things more relatable give yourself a little bit of a breather. Humor can be a great way to do that. So, think about that. How can you use humor to help you move beyond your crucible? Warwick, what's a reflection that you want to share with folks?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Love the thought of humor. That is such a great, great point. A couple of other thoughts I had is one how can you take one step at a time when it feels like everything is falling around you? Everything is falling to pieces. It seems like you might feel there is no way out. This is the end. There's no way up out of that pit. But as we often said the win of a time happens with just one small step. And certainly, in this movie John McClane, how do I keep how do the bad guy's way? Or how do I take out one bad guy? And so, what's one step you can take when you feel like everything is falling around you? So that's one thought.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so, the final thought, because we've talked a lot about fellow travelers in this movie with Al Powell and Argyle is who do you need on your journey to help you keep going? Often when you're at the bottom of the pit and things seem the most dire, that is when you most need fellow travelers. It may seem like taking one small step may feel like a massive leap over the Grand Canyon. No step is small, it may seem to you but having fellow travelers will help you make that one small step, will help you get up one more day and put one foot in front of the other. So, both taking one step at a time when everything's falling around you and then think about, "Who do I need on my team? Who do I need with me on my journey just to help me keep going when I feel like I can't do it alone?"




Gary Schneeberger:

When it comes to fellow travelers, and I'm thinking about Al Powell and Argyle as John McClane's fellow travelers here, it's important, isn't it to not just pick someone who's just like you? But not pick someone who's exactly not like you. In other words, there's a mix, Al Powell's a mix of both what John McClane has and maybe what John McClane doesn't. Argyle, definitely he's got a sense of the humor, but he doesn't have as much tread off his tires in life. It's important, right, to find people who have some things in common that you can talk through and talk about and share experiences with but also people that help you grow. That would seem to be really good resume things you want in your fellow travelers through a crucible.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean that's such a great point. It's probably worthy of more discussion at some point of what makes a good fellow traveler. That's a great point but I think just for summary's sake here, I think it helps to have folks who have maybe similar values and character. You don't want a conflict of values about, "Hey, it's all about number one. And if we can rip people off so long as it's legal it's good." Probably don't want to have that person as a fellow traveler if you are about a life of service and humility and trying to give back to others. So, you got to have people with a similar mindset, but they can come from different backgrounds, genders, ages, life experiences, and often some diversity of life experience and background can be helpful.




Warwick Fairfax:

People with different skills. Maybe you're a visionary and you need people who are implementers. Maybe you're artistic but you need somebody that's a finance person that can help you with the numbers. So, a diversity of experiences and skills is absolutely critical. Diversity of values probably not as much. I mean you want to feel like on the big things in life, in terms of values and outlook on it, you have some commonality. But diversity of experience and skills and background I think is critical. You absolutely don't want to have people that talk the same as you, look the same as you, have the same skills as you. That's not a team of fellow travelers that's not really going to be that helpful. It's a great point.




Gary Schneeberger:

People who can make you better, that's really what at the end of the day that's what John McClane had in Al Powell and Argyle. Well, I've said John McClane now probably 2875 times in this episode. So that's probably a good sign that, I would say the helicopter landed but the helicopters in the movie don't land. So, let's just say we've wrapped up this episode of Beyond the Crucible this episode of LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES part six on Die Hard. Next week we are going to lean into another very, very, very... He's got humor too. He's a very powerful and humorous hero and that's Ironman. That's where we're going to go after next week. So, as always, listener, it's not homework. It's a friendly suggestion that if you want to follow along and as Warwick and I talk through our Ironman episode you can watch we're going to watch the first Ironman the one that kicked off the Marvel cinematic universe the first one with Robert Downey Jr that started it all.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that birthed this multi, multi, multi billion-dollar franchise and changed again, in some ways... I said at the outset Die Hard changed the way action movies were made in the '80s. Ironman changed the way superhero movies are made and marketed for sure. So, until the next time we're together, listener, please remember that we do know that your crucible experiences are painful. We do know that they can take some time to get through. They can take a lot of effort. They often, usually take a lot of effort to get through. We know that you need some fellow travelers to help you get there. We understand that humor can be a great skill to bring to the table when you're going through it. But we also know it's not the end of your story, your crucible experience if you learn the lessons of it if you apply those lessons as you move on in pursuing a vision for your life that's focused on serving others. In fact, that crucible can lead to a chapter in your life that'll be the best chapter in your life because where it's going to end is going to be a life of significance.

With great power comes great responsibility. That’s what Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben tells him in the film we look at on this week’s episode of our summer series, LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us About Living a Life of Significance. That counsel and wisdom from Uncle Ben – and Aunt May – has been a key component of three different big-screen iterations of Spider-Man over the last 20 years. It’s a key Crucible Leadership lesson, too, one that Peter Parker learns enroute to fulfilling his calling as Spider-Man: the best life is one lived on purpose in service to others – not ourselves. That’s what responsibility and the character that undergirds it look like … and it doesn’t come easily to Spider-Man, or any of us.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.

Ben Parker:

Peter, these are the years when a man changes into the man he's going to become the rest of his life. Just be careful who you change into.




Ben Parker:

This guy, Flash Thompson, he probably deserved what happened, but just because you can beat him up, doesn't give you the right to. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.




Gary Schneeberger:

With great power comes great responsibility. That's what Peter Parker's Uncle Ben tells him in the film we look at on this week's episode of our summer series LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us About Living a Life of Significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. That counsel and wisdom from Uncle Ben and Aunt May has been a key component of three different big screen iterations of Spider-Man over the last 20 years. It's a key Crucible Leadership lesson Warwick and I discuss as we unpack the original Spider-Man, staring Tobey Maguire, from 2002. Peter Parker learns, en route to becoming Spider-Man, that the best life is one lived on purpose, in service to others, not ourselves. That's what responsibility and the character that undergirds it look like, and it doesn't come easily or cheaply.




Gary Schneeberger:

If you're aware of Spider-Man, listener, you're aware that there've been several iterations of the character through the years. In just the last 20 years, there have been three different iterations of Spider-Man. That's because, just to give you some background, he's the most popular character in the Marvel Universe, Marvel Comic Book Universe, in the history of Marvel Comics, but he's not owned by Marvel Studios, the people who put out Captain America and The Avengers and Thor and Ironman. His film rights were sold to Columbia Pictures before they formed Marvel Studios. So the Spider-Man movies, the first five Spider-Man movies featuring two iterations, were made by Columbia Pictures in conjunction with Marvel Studios, but Marvel didn't own the rights to the character. So one of the reasons why the character has to keep being rebooted is as an origin story, he's a high school kid, actors get older. So they start with one actor then they have to reboot the series to get a younger actor in place who doesn't look quite so different from the beginning.




Gary Schneeberger:

So just to, again, a brief history of where we're at with Spider-Man, the first series ran as a trilogy from 2002, that was 20 years ago, to 2007. The actor Tobey Maguire starred as the hero in that one.




Gary Schneeberger:

Then from 2012 to 2014, they rebooted it just five years after Tobey Maguire was done in 2007, the actor Andrew Garfield assumed the role in two films, in a pair of movies.




Gary Schneeberger:

The character was rebooted one more time in 2016, that's just two years after Andrew Garfield's last movie, but there were two major differences about that reboot. Marvel had entered a partnership with Columbia to use Spider-Man in their cinematic universe, which by that time, by 2016, was just an enormous blot out the sun success with their Marvel Cinematic Universe films. So Marvel got a chance to work with Columbia to make that Spider-Man in 2016, which allowed them to bring in all the other Marvel characters.




Gary Schneeberger:

The second thing is that that reboot in 2016 did not feature Spider-Man's backstory. He just sort of showed up, already Spider-Man, he was still young, but he showed up already Spider-Man and dove into the action. And his first appearance in a Marvel Studios film was in Captain America: Civil War. And he's played there by actor Tom Holland. He's also played by Tom Holland in a couple of Avengers movies, Infinity War and Endgame, and he also has had three of his own films. So he's appeared six times in Marvel Cinematic Universe, this new version of Spider-Man.




Gary Schneeberger:

All of that to say, important character, big history of the character, a lot of stuff to unpack, but where we're going to spend our time today is in that first movie, 20 years ago, in 2002. And that's Spider-Man, the original Spider-Man, starring Tobey Maguire. Because, I think, and we've discussed this, it's the most robust origin story and contains the greatest concentration of takeaways for us to guide us through our crucibles and onto the path to stay on the path of leading a life of significance. And Warwick, you and I talked about this before we started recording. And you indicated that it's been a while since you've seen this 2002 movie and were quite impressed with it, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it really has. I saw the 2002 and Spider-Man 2 and 3 afterwards. And like you, I've always loved superheroes, but not only is this a great action movie, but as we'll see and unfold in this discussion, there are some tremendous lessons about overcoming failure, adversity, negative self talk, encouragement from others. There are some great Crucible Leadership lessons about coming back from very tough circumstances. So it really is, the 2002 version of Spider-Man, it's a great film to discuss in the context of crucible leadership.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. A lot of that comes from the origin story, the seeds are planted. What I love about that is there's crucible lessons in the origin story, and then crucible lessons in his journey as Spider-Man on his way to a life of significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

So the very first scene that we get in Spider-Man 2002 is a glimpse of some of Peter Parker who's the alter ego, the high school student who becomes Spider-Man, some of his teenage crucibles. In the very first scene we meet him, he's running after his school bus, right? He's missed his school bus. Apparently it happens a lot because all the students on the bus are making fun of him. Like, "Oh, not again, Parker." The bus driver's having a little fun of his expense by not slowing down. And as everybody kind of mocks him from inside, he finally gets on the bus, but they continue to mock him.




Gary Schneeberger:

He gets on the bus. He's not allowed to sit next to certain people. They're like, "No, don't sit here." Even kids who don't look like the "popular." kids don't want anything to do with Peter Parker. They call him lame. One of whom is the boyfriend of the proverbial girl next door who Peter admits in a voiceover he's been in love with since age six. Her boyfriend trips him and he falls flat on his face in the bus. A really painful, hard scene to watch because just kids can be cruel to each other, but sets this up well as this is a young man, this is a kid, a teenager, who knows his way around crucibles, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely, Gary. This is a character that a lot of people, frankly, a lot of us can identify with. There aren't that many people in which high school was their glory years. You were the captain of the football team, the debate team, straight A student. Very few of us were kind of all-star, Mr./Ms. Popular, that kind of thing. Usually it's somewhat less than that. And so here he is, this poor guy, not particularly strong or agile or athletic.




Gary Schneeberger:

He wears big thick glasses. He wears big thick glasses.




Warwick Fairfax:

Right, exactly. Sort of lame, nerdy, everybody makes fun of him. He doesn't even seem like he has a couple of fellow nerds to hang out with.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

It just seems like he's in a category of one.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

So it's a pretty dismal, despondent life at that point, which a lot of folks can identify with. Very few people say, "High school was the best years of my life." It's usually, "I survived high school," for most of us.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And he's also very good at science, which is a front of the line pass to being loved in high school, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly right.




Gary Schneeberger:

As opposed to being a football star, Mary Jane's boyfriend's a football star. So the taunting of Peter Parker continues in this wonderful first few scenes when the bus arrives at its destination, finally. And the destination is a field trip to a science lab where spiders are being studied. And they're being genetically enhanced, we hear, from the woman who's speaking to the kids who are here on the field trip.




Gary Schneeberger:

Peter's a photographer for the student newspaper. He is trying to take pictures and the taunting continues. People keep bumping him. These bullies keep bumping him while he's trying to take pictures to ruin his photographs. And of all the heroes that we've discussed so far, and all the ones that we will discuss, I think it's pretty safe to say that no other hero that we're going to talk about has a life as beset by crucibles as Peter Parker does. He has a lot of them, they're varied and they're kind of constant, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's certainly up there. Life is not easy. Here he is, he's trying to take photographs for the school paper of these fascinating spiders, and he keeps getting bumped. In fact, I don't think one photo that he took worked out. He ends up taking some photos that do, as we'll see, of Mary Jane, but yeah, life is pretty tough. He doesn't seem actually despondent or depressed. It's just, "Hey, this is my lot in life and oh well," but yeah, life isn't looking too good at this point for poor, young Peter Parker.




Gary Schneeberger:

Something then changes big time while he's taking pictures of Mary Jane. That is one of the radioactive spiders that they've messed with its DNA to implant in it the traits of six or seven different spiders bites him on the hand while he's taking a picture of Mary Jane Watson who's the girl next door that he's in love with. And it will turn out to be a shining moment, of what we stay on the show all the time, right? It didn't happen to you, it happened for you. What ends up happening for Peter is that he's given the strength, the ability to shoot strong webs from his wrists. He has a spider sense that warns him of danger. These are all things that he will learn throughout the course of the movie to apply to what will become a life of significance, but it doesn't start off that way at first.




Gary Schneeberger:

Another one of the crucibles that Peter endured before even we meet him, we find out, is the death of his parents when he was six years old. We don't know how they died. He just mentions that his parents had passed away. And he's been raised since then by his Uncle Ben and his Aunt May. Sidebar, Marvel comics did a great job in naming those characters all those years ago. Who sounds nicer and sweeter than Uncle Ben and Aunt May? It's perfect.




Gary Schneeberger:

And our first glimpse that Peter has a pathway to move beyond his crucibles is shown through the love and character of those two people, of Uncle Ben and Aunt May. Ben's been laid off from his job as an electrician. He's trying to find another job. He's not depressed, but he's kind of resigned to the fact that it's going to be tough, but May, his wife, Peter's aunt, says to him, "You're the most responsible man I know." She says she knows he will find a job and they will, once again, overcome their crucibles. "Somehow," she tells them, "We survive." And that, I think, is a key Crucible Leadership truth. You need to be surrounded by supporters who believe in you, who know your character and your worth to encourage you when the setbacks and failures come. May does that for Ben and they both do that for Peter. That was one of the first really big a-ha Crucible Leadership moments in watching this movie again that hit me.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it's a great point, Gary. When you think about poor young Peter Parker, you lose your parents at age six, it would be normal for most kids to grow up very angry, maybe they would act out and violent or drugs, alcohol, substance abuse. That's possible and maybe even likely. So why didn't Peter Parker go down that road? He may not have been Mr. Popular, but he wasn't suicidal. He was just, "Yeah, life is not easy, but oh well." Well, that's quite a victory to have an oh well attitude given losing parents at such a young age.




Warwick Fairfax:

And I think the reason that he starts off with some character advantages is having just a wonderful aunt and uncle in Aunt May and Uncle Ben. They were able, throughout their lives and in the movie, to teach him character lessons and sort of imbue a sense of character and right and wrong into him. It'll be tested, he'll have some challenges, maybe a few setbacks, but you can not underestimate enough having people that support and believe in you, at any age, certainly a young age, it really sets him up very well. But life without Uncle Ben and Aunt May likely would've been radically different. And Peter Parker would've been almost inevitably a very different, probably angry, bitter young man, you would think, without those two. So those two people, in some sense, sort of saved him and set him on the path to success in the true meaning of that word.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And you mentioned young people, I fell in love with Spider-Man as a young people, as a kid and reading the comic books. It was sort of a breath catching moment for me when in this newest iteration with Tom Holland as Spider-Man, in this movie, Aunt May is in her 70s, in the current version of Spider-Man, Aunt May is Marisa Tomei, who's younger than I am. So when I saw that, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, this character was who was always this matronly elderly woman in the comic books is now this woman who was a young actress and who's younger than me." That was a crucible moment for me, as a Spider-Man fan, when that happened. But I digress, I digress.




Gary Schneeberger:

Peter reveals the character that Aunt May and Uncle Ben have baked into him when he has a conversation with Mary Jane, the girl next door who he's in love with secretly. After her father berates her and insults her, as he does quite a bit, she's unsure about her future and her popularity. She's a popular girl at school, but that's all kind of emotional artifice, it's a facade, but Peter tells her that she should indeed pursue her dream of acting. He says this, "You're going to light up Broadway." He's the only one be who believes in her. And I think this is another truth we can take away. We all need, don't we, Peter Parkers to help us turn our visions into reality. And that's what he does for Mary Jane, for sure.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's such a good point, Gary. As we look at a young Peter Parker in this movie, yes, he has physical superpowers, but he has the emergence of some character superpowers. He has the sense of character, of right and wrong and justice. And throughout the movie, has tremendous empathy, a tremendous ability to encourage. I can't think of too many superheroes with his level of empathy or ability to encourage on a consistent basis and to see the best in people.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

Almost sort of like a foresight. He affirms her acting ability. He says, "Sometimes you know people and you know where they're headed." This is all in their backyards. Their houses sort of are next to each other. And as you say, he says she's going to light up Broadway. Now, Mary Jane has the boyfriend of the high school quarterback, star football player.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. He's the big jock who probably isn't good at science.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. She's attractive so why does he go out with her? Because she's an attractive high school girl. I don't think it's because of her wonderful character. And so that's what a lot of guys in school see. But yeah, she is an attractive young girl, but Peter sees a lot more than that. He sees who she is as a person. She feels seen in the best sense of that word. Her character, her goals, just that sense of affirmation.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Her ability.




Warwick Fairfax:

Her ability. That sense of affirmation. I don't think she's ever had a guy say that to her. So she looks at him almost in this quizzical... And Peter was so shy that he couldn't say boo to her. He could never even open his mouth. So it's a tremendous scene, as somebody that's very shy, but just really thinking of somebody else in these wonderful, affirming, empathetic words. It's a great scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, and I'm glad that you brought up her boyfriend Flash Thompson. I'm going to say it, I don't think we've ever said this on Beyond the Crucible, but he's a jerk. Flash Thompson's a bit of a jerk. He's the guy who tripped Peter on the bus. And Peter ends up getting into a fight with him at school, as his powers begin to manifest themselves in the cafeteria. His web fluid shoots out of his wrist. It ends up knocking a lunch tray into Flash Thompson and he gets food all over himself. And then he wants to fight Peter because Peter's a weak kid and he's going to be able to beat him up.




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, Peter's changed a bit since he's been bitten by that spider. He gets into a fight with Flash at school. He wins easily, demonstrating some of those powers that he now has, strength, his spider sense of something bad's going to happen, agility. And even at that time, some people cheer for him, some of the kids who are watching the fight cheer for him, the underdog kids who maybe have been picked on by Flash too, but Flash's pals and all the popular kids, they kind of think Peter's even weirder than they thought before.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's in that moment, in winning that fight, what happens after he wins that fight is where Peter begins to, you hinted at it earlier, begins to kind of wobble a little bit in his character. He begins to wobble a little bit in that goodness that Aunt May and Uncle Ben have tried to place into him. He's jealous of Flash Thompson's car when Flash comes up to meet Mary Jane outside of her house, which is right next to Peter's house. And he sees this really great car he just got as a gift. So Peter thinks, "If I get a car, maybe I could get Mary Jane."




Gary Schneeberger:

It's unspoken, but we next see him looking through the paper at ads for cars that are for sale, used cars. And he keeps looking at, "That's too expensive. That's too expensive. That's too expensive." And he finally lands at one that's under $3,000. He thinks, "Okay, that might work for me," but he has no money so he can't buy it. But next to those ads is this big ad that says $3,000 for amateur wrestlers. And he thinks, "Hmm, I just got in a fight with the most popular captain of the football team at school and beat him pretty easily." He's pretty certain his powers are going to help him in pursuit of this $3,000 so he decides he's going to go ahead and do it.




Gary Schneeberger:

He makes himself this kind of amateur suit, which is kind of funny looking. He tells Uncle Ben he's going to the library to study and he catches a ride with Uncle Ben. And it's in that ride to what he's actually being dropped off, so he can go to the wrestling match, that Uncle Ben has a heart to heart with Peter. And unpack that, that was in the clip at the start of the show, where Uncle Ben is talking to Peter about some things that concerned him, but that's a moving, meaningful clip, not just in the context of this film, but in the context of our lives, all of us, as we look to avoid crucibles, overcome crucibles and lead a life of significance. So talk a little bit about why that scene with Uncle Ben and what Uncle Ben says to Peter is so powerful.




Warwick Fairfax:

So this is a pivotal moment in the film. One of the things we say often on this series about superheroes and sports heroes in Beyond the Crucible is when you're given great powers, yes, there's great responsibility, but there's temptations. It can either, in Star Wars language, make you go to the dark side or the forces of light. And so it's tempting, initially, as you say, Peter wobbles a bit. He kind of enjoys going from nerdy to being strong, athletic, agile. He enjoys being able to pound his nemesis, the bully, Flash Thompson, the captain of the football team. He kind of gets a kick out of it.




Gary Schneeberger:

Who knew, by the way, that spiders have 20/20 vision, because he gets to take his glasses off too. His eyes become perfect.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. There you go, some benefits. So yeah, it's stunning. So here he is trying to earn some money to get a Flash car to impress the girl. And it just seems like he's beginning to lose sight of the tremendous opportunity that he has. And initially he's getting a little self centered. And so Uncle Ben just gives him the talk of his life, this incredible wisdom in which he says, "These are the years, high school years, as a young person, that determine who you will be for the rest of your life." He then says, in the quote we saw in the clip, he says, "Remember, with great power comes great responsibility." He says, "Just because you can beat somebody up, doesn't mean that you have a right to," as in Peter beating up the bully in high school.




Warwick Fairfax:

So basically this sense that the gifts and talents, we can either use it for our own wealth, power, to be superior to others, or we can use it to serve our fellow human beings, men and women that we come in contact with. We can either lead a life of significance, a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others, or we can lead a narcissistic life, focused on our own aggrandizement and wealth and power.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

And we'll see his superhero nemesis chooses the opposite path, but this is a pivotal moment for Peter Parker, which path is he going to choose?




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And what's really interesting about that scene that you just talked about and that we played the clip for at the beginning of the show is that Uncle Ben has no idea that any of this stuff is going on underneath the surface. Uncle Ben has no idea Peter's been bitten by a spider and now has the powers, the proportionate powers of a spider. He has no idea of that. He has no idea that he's not going to study, that he's going to run off to this wrestling match to try to make $3,000 to use his powers for his own gain. He has none of that context, Uncle Ben has, but what he sees in his nephew, in the boy he's raised, he sees he's veering off course in other ways.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's a scene earlier on where he was going to help Uncle Ben paint the house, the kitchen. And he says, "Hey, don't be late." And Peter leaves, "I won't be late," but Peter spends the time instead testing out his spider powers. He's climbing walls. He's doing all those things. And he forgets all about helping Uncle Ben.




Gary Schneeberger:

We haven't talked about this in advance, but that scene so speaks to the power or the character of his Uncle Ben that rather than yell at him for not showing up to help out, his 68 year old uncle paint the kitchen, he leaves a warm food in the oven and writes a note where he calls him Michelangelo because that's what he called him about helping him paint. There's this loving response to Peter's irresponsibility. And that's what he's drilling into in this conversation that you just talked about, where he's saying, "With great power comes great responsibility," even though he doesn't know how great the power is that Peter has. It shows the insight that those closest to us can have to our character and sometimes that we might stumble through it and we should listen.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. And I think it goes to show the value of people in our life. It could be a mom, a dad, an aunt, an uncle, close friends, family members. It could be a teacher in school. There are people that can change our lives by not just their love, but by their words. It can change your life. It makes me think of certainly a pivotal moment in my life that listeners will be familiar with, and it's in my book, Crucible Leadership. In 1976, when as most listeners know, I grew up in a large 150-year-old family media business in Australia. Newspapers, TV, radio, it was very big. In 1976, some other family members shooed my father out as chairman. It absolutely crushed him that that would happen.




Warwick Fairfax:

And I remember having a conversation with him and he said, "I need to forgive them for what they did because it's the right thing to do." I forget if he said, "That's what God," or, "That's what Jesus would have me do." "And it's the right thing for you," because he saw me as the heir apparent and he wanted to try to make sure that one day that I'd be the leading figure in the company. Was it perfect? I don't know. When he said, "I'm going to make the decision to forgive other family members for what they did, throwing me out as chairman."




Warwick Fairfax:

That was one of the most powerful life lessons I've ever learned and I was 15 at the time. I was probably a little younger than Peter Parker here. It was burned into my psyche, just the sense of character, of doing the right thing no matter what, of having integrity, and just the importance of forgiveness. That was a lesson that was burned into my soul for the rest of my life. So in a sense, that's the moment that Peter Parker has from his Uncle Ben, it's the kind of lesson, like the one I had, that just burns into your soul.




Gary Schneeberger:

Unfortunately, right off the bat, when it happens, when that conversation with Uncle Ben happens, Peter doesn't quite get it. Peter actually gets upset with Uncle Ben for lecturing him, quote, unquote. He actually says to him at one point, Uncle Ben backs up and says, "Okay, I know I'm not your father." And Peter cuts him off and says, "Well, then stop acting like it." And it just devastates Uncle Ben, the last moment that they have together before Peter leaves the car and goes off to wrestle is Uncle Ben is clearly wounded and Peter's angry and they part.




Gary Schneeberger:

And Peter does go on to the wrestling match and he wins. And another thing that was extremely exciting to me as a fan of professional wrestling when I was a young man, the wrestler who he beats is played by the wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage, and he's just perfect. Total aside to what we're talking about, but he's just this brutal. He's beating everybody up. One guy he beats up leaves the ring and is like, "I can't feel my legs." There's all kinds of that stuff going on. But he gets in the ring with this kid in this weird costume that's got spider stuff on it. And the kid, Peter Parker, beats him.




Gary Schneeberger:

So Peter goes backstage to collect his $3,000 from the promoter. And the promoter gives him 100 bucks, to which Peter negotiates into 200 bucks, but he says, "Hey, I was going to pay you three grand for three minutes and you beat him early." Peter was so strong, he beat Bonesaw McGraw, he beat him in like two minutes, so he gets cheated.




Warwick Fairfax:

I've got to say, that's a great name.




Gary Schneeberger:

It is.




Warwick Fairfax:

Right? For a wrestler, Bonesaw McGraw.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

It doesn't get any better than that.




Gary Schneeberger:

It may be better than Macho Man Randy Savage actually, but yeah, it's quite good. And so what ends up happening then is Peter walks away and he's mad. He's just been cheated out of this money that he thinks is going to make his way to have a car and then woo Mary Jane, and he's got a couple hundred bucks in his pocket, which is nothing. But then the promoter gets robbed. A thief runs in, steals the bag that has all the money from the gate receipts from this wrestling match and he runs off. And as he's running off at the elevator, he bumps, he doesn't bump into Peter, he runs past Peter Parker. And Peter just looks at him and the guy says, "Thanks," and he gets in the elevator and goes. And I know you were kind of struck by the dialogue that went on between Peter and the promoter, both in the promoter's office before the robbery, burglary, and then after when Peter doesn't stop the robber.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's really one of the saddest moments in the movie. It's almost a biblical Peter moment when Jesus is being sort of harangued by the religious leaders of the Sanhedrin and they're putting him on trial. And people ask Peter, "Weren't you one of his gang?" And Peter's asked three times, "No, never knew him. Don't know who he is."




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's the lowest moment of Peter's life. And it's somewhat similar in that earlier on, often we hear the voices of evil and the voices of good, depending on your religious or philosophical paradigm. We can learn lessons from our good mentors, like an Uncle Ben, well here, unfortunately, young Peter Parker was mentored briefly by this promoter. So this promoter, when he's going to give him $200, not $3000, the promoter says, "Hey, I missed the part where it's my problem."




Gary Schneeberger:

Right, right.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's like, "Look, you didn't finish the full three minutes, not my problem, okay?" So he's just been discipled in a sense, in maybe not evil, but poor character. So then later on, when the wresting promoter says to Peter Parker, "Hey, why didn't you stop him?" And Peter shoots back, "Hey, I missed a part where it's my problem."




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

He uses the promoter's words against him. It's the self centered, "Hey, why should I care for my fellow men or women?" It's like, "Not my problem." So he's almost got a bit of discipleship, a bit of mentoring in it's all about number one, narcissism, nobody else matters, get rich. Everybody else, who cares? It was a sad moment, as we'll see, that comes back to bite him in a major way.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And that bite's going to be worse than the spider bite for sure. And the other thing that makes it sad is that that happens no more than a couple hours after Uncle Ben has given him that great advice, "With great power comes great responsibility." And Peter, in that moment at the elevator, fails his first test of wielding great power with great responsibility. And as you said, that will come back to bite him. It comes back to bite him when we find out in the next scene that the thief carjacks Uncle Ben and shoots him to death. Peter arrives just in time to see Uncle Ben die. And the filmmakers do a great job. There's no final words that Uncle Ben gets to say to Peter or Peter gets to say to Uncle Ben. He recognizes Peter and then he dies. So there's no chance for Peter to apologize or for Uncle Ben to offer forgiveness. It's just Peter's then, we know, is just stuck with this hole in his heart. And remembering that the last thing he ever really spoke to Uncle Ben was, "You're not my father. Quit acting like it."




Gary Schneeberger:

Peter is distraught after that, obviously, and he chases down the carjacker. Who once he gets him, he sees the carjacker is the man he let leave in the elevator. He discovers that this carjacker, he could have stopped the carjacker before the carjacking ever happened, but it wasn't his problem then. He had just gotten rooked out of some money and he was going to pay back that unkindness to the promoter. He did and that robber then got away, hijacked Uncle Ben, shot him to death. And Peter then begins to, as Spider-Man, begins to really pound on the guy, beat him. We get the idea that he intends to kill him. The guy says, "Show me some mercy." And Peter's like, "Just like he showed my Uncle Ben." He takes the mask off that he's wearing, the kind of amateurish mask he's wearing, so that the robber can see, "I'm the guy that you ran past in the promoters building." And he's like, "Don't kill me." And Peter's like, "I'll show you mercy like you showed my Uncle Ben."




Gary Schneeberger:

We don't know, another great decision by the filmmaker, we don't know if Peter was going to kill him or not. He doesn't get the chance, the guy trips on something and falls out of an upper story window to his death. But that scene, again, really brings home the power of, as you were saying, "Tell me again how this is my problem." Now he realizes it is his problem, because it's just cost him his beloved uncle.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Sometimes when you say, "It's not my problem," it can mean maybe people are hurt that you don't know, but sometimes it may mean people are hurt that you do know, and you love and care about. You never know kind of what's going to happen. So it's a very sad scene. And Peter is now really saddled with this sense of guilt, of, "Gee, it's my responsibility that my beloved uncle died. I had a tough conversation with him, said he wasn't my real dad. So I ended things in a bad way, didn't have a chance to reconcile. And because I was so self centered and self focused, I let this bad guy not just hurt and kill some person I don't know, but somebody I love as much as anybody in the world other than maybe Aunt May." So obviously he feels, understandably, incredibly guilty and responsible for what happened.




Warwick Fairfax:

So sometimes you'll make horrific mistakes in your life. And clearly this is a big one. Is he responsible for Uncle Ben's death? That's probably a bit harsh, but he feels that, and that's the point. And so really the test, as we'll see in the rest of the movie, is this going to destroy, this crucible? It's almost maybe one if not the toughest crucible. He is feeling he's responsible for Uncle Ben's death. Is that guilt going to drive him to narcissism, to alcohol, to substance abuse? It'd be very understandable if it did, completely understandable. Or will he choose to learn the lessons of his crucible, let it refine him, and somehow use that pain for a purpose to help others? It's a pivotal moment and we'll see which choice he makes. Is it to go to the dark side of self destruction or to the light of really empowering, encouraging, and helping others? It's a critical, pivotal moment in his life.




Gary Schneeberger:

And one of the things that really helps cement his decision on where he goes is that after Uncle Ben's funeral, he has a conversation with his other guardian, with his Aunt May. Peter's distraught and Aunt May doesn't know exactly why. She doesn't know anything about Spider-Man, anything about the wrestling match, but she knows Peter's upset. And she understands that because of how important Uncle Ben has been to his life. But she takes the time, again, the power of encouragement. She says this to him, "You loved him and he loved you." She says to Peter, "He never doubted the man you'd grow into, how you were meant for great things. You won't disappoint him." That's exactly the kind of support and belief we need to offer others as they look to regain their footing after a crucible, to help them see and take aim at a life of significance. That's what Aunt May does to him, for him, in his darkest, most desperate moment.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it changes, exactly as you said, who knows where he could have gone without that exhortation, without that truth from Aunt May, which basically it's Aunt May acting as a surrogate for Uncle Ben, not knowing what transpired in the car, but basically saying, "He loved you. He believed in you," fill in the blanks. "He's not mad at you for losing your cool in the car with him and saying hurtful things. He knows the kind of man you're going to grow into." And that does indeed change everything for Peter, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I guess the thought that occurs to me is that we all need Aunt Mays in our life.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yep.




Warwick Fairfax:

We need people in our lowest moments when we might be in the edge of a self destructive spree. I think most of us have been at points in our life where we felt bad about ourselves or bad about what happened to us from somebody else. And it's very easy to get into a self-destructive spiral that can be difficult to get out of. Having somebody like an Aunt May in our darkest times, as we say in Crucible Leadership, at the bottom of the pit, to say, "You are worth it. You are valued. I love you. I believe in you. And your beloved uncle also loved you and believed in you. And you won't disappoint him. You didn't disappoint him." That kind of belief and encouragement and support when we hate ourselves, we're at the bottom of the pit, we just hate life, it's not going to necessarily change us overnight, but those drops of encouragement, of grace, of forgiveness, of belief, they can help give you fuel to begin to climb out of the pit and really move towards the light, to a life of significance. But it's not easy to do without Aunt Mays.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

But having an Aunt May is sort of a turbo charger that greatly increases your ability to get out of the pit and to move into a more positive direction. It's a great scene, and yeah, we all need Aunt Mays in our life.




Gary Schneeberger:

And to your point that Peter begins to live out his life of significance right after that conversation. He does it by patrolling the streets of New York at night and stopping criminals in the act. Now, he dubs himself Spider-Man and more crucibles come. The publisher of the newspaper, J. Jonah Jameson, the Daily Bugle publisher. He labels him a menace and a threat, but he's just trying to sell newspapers. It turns some in the city against him, but Spider-Man doesn't let it bother him. Peter doesn't let it bother him.




Gary Schneeberger:

He also then must encounter and face his first super villain, not just guys who are robbing banks or robbing stores. He's got to face a super villain, the Green Goblin. And the Green Goblin was driven violent and mad by a formula he developed and took himself to try to win a government contract. The Goblin, and Peter doesn't know this, but the Goblin is the father of his best friend, Harry Osborn. The Goblin is industrialist Norman Osborn, who has taken a bit of a shine to Peter. Peter doesn't know he's the Goblin at this point, but he's been driven mad by his own creation because he was greedy and he wanted to win this government contract.




Gary Schneeberger:

And what's interesting about his character, the Green Goblin, is he's a bit like the Joker from the Batman movies, in one of the Batman movies staring Christian Bale in The Dark Knight, where Heath Ledger won an Oscar for his portrayal of the Joker. Batman is asking Alfred what makes someone like the Joker, the Joker. And Alfred says, "Some guys just like to set the world on fire and watch it burn."




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's kind of where the Green Goblin comes from, is Norman Osborn gets a little bit more mad, but he recognizes after a battle with Peter, that Peter's got some, or that Spider-Man, he doesn't know what's Peter yet, that Spider-Man has some skills that could benefit him in whatever the scheme is to make money and harness power. And he tries to turn Peter over to his side. He says that people will hate him despite all of the good he's doing and he asks him why he bothers. And I love Peter's response, especially now at this point in the show, Peter's response when he says why he bothers to do good, even though people are going to hate him eventually.




Gary Schneeberger:

Peter's response to the Green Goblin is, "Because it's the right thing to do." Well, you just said that, Warwick, like five minutes ago, when you were talking about when you asked your dad why he forgave those family members who threw him out of the company, because it's the right thing to do. And that's the kind of character that Peter has here, now developing.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's what we mean when we say your values must undergird all you do as you move beyond your crucible toward life of significance, have an anchor for your soul. Peter Parker, Spider-Man, has that anchor for his soul, or he would not have been able to answer the Green Goblin that way about why he does it. He understands it's not about anything more than what's right and what's wrong and that's what he's trying to pursue. Right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. This is a fascinating scene and we've got Norman Osborn as the Goblin against Peter Parker as Spider-Man. And not only is it a test of physical superhero strength, it's a battle of character and it's a battle of the forces of evil versus the forces of light.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it's interesting, just some of the backstory, as you were saying, with Norman Osborne, he's all about himself, about ego, about money. He's desperate to get this big government contract, but the Defense Department, the top generals in the Pentagon, they don't really believe in what he's doing. They think the guy's a bit of a fruitcake. And so they're just waiting to pull a plug. And so desperate is he and so greedy that he does something insane and uses this kind of serum on himself that turns him into a madman. One of the key scientists says there are side effects to this that can potentially turn you insane and psychotic. It's a risk, but the guy is too self absorbed, narcissistic. And indeed, it turned him insane, and he hears these voices, almost voices of evil.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so here he is talking to Peter and just trying to really not just fight him physically, but almost like the devil in the Bible, he's just trying to tempt him, saying, "People like to see heroes fail so why bother?" As you say, and Spider-Man replies, "Well, because it's the right thing to do." He tempts him saying, "Hey, we could make a great team," but Peter's chosen a different path. The Green Goblin is now all about self destruction, hurting and killing people, and his own tortured, insane, psychotic self. Peter has really turned to the light, if you will, to help people. So he won't be tamped. He won't use his forces to hurt people. He'll use his superpowers to help people. So really it's a fight of physical strength, superhero strength, but it's also a fight of character, a fight of evil against good. So this battle is fought on multiple levels.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And that scene is also interesting because it spotlights another key truth about Crucible Leadership. This idea that the Green Goblin is saying, "They're going to hate you anyway." Right? "They love to watch heroes fall. They build you up so they can knock you down." And one of the things that you say a lot, that we say a lot on the show, and that you say a lot through Crucible Leadership is don't let the naysayers deter you or adulation distract you as you are executing your vision for a life of significance. Significance is not something you find in public opinion. Don't test the winds and go with the way the winds are blowing. It's something you find within. And that's what Peter calls on when the Goblin tries to tempt him. He's learned that lesson from Uncle Ben.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's such a great point. One of the most important things I think listeners would do well to ponder on is if you're looking to be the hero and save the day and the knight in armor on the white horse, danger lies there. Some would say, with some degree of truth and veracity, maybe I had a bit of a hero complex when I launched the $2.25 billion takeover in my family's 150-year-old media company way back in 1987, and this, not consciously, but I felt like that company was being run by some other folks in my family, and others, not along the ideals of the founder. Whether it's true or not is another story.




Warwick Fairfax:

But there was a little bit of that savior hero complex there, I've got to confess, but yeah, you've got to watch that because certainly I've been through periods where some people said, "Oh, you could be one of the greatest Fairfaxes since the founder, John Fairfax." And others said, "We've been praying for a person of faith to rise up in the heart of the media for decades." And all that's pretty heavy, tempting stuff. And then others at the time and subsequently were like, "Well, you single handedly destroyed a 150-year-old company."




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

"You're this erratic kid, at the time, who could have had it all, threw it all away. So you're just impetuous and showed poor judgment." And maybe sometimes there's a little bit of truth in either stereotype, but you can not be defined either by the adulation you receive or by the condemnation. Ultimately your sense of self-worth should be in your faith, in your values, in the core of your beliefs that are at the heart of your soul. That's what should govern your sense of self-worth, not the adulating, because you're the greatest thing since Jesus or you're the worst person that's ever lived, both are probably wrong.




Warwick Fairfax:

So you've got to anchor your belief and your self-worth in something beyond public opinion. And that's what Peter Parker does. He's seen as a vigilante, I think as you mentioned, the editor of the Daily Bugle, for his own reasons, paints him as a vigilante. Public opinion is very divided over whether he's a force for good or evil, Spider-Man, but he does not let that deter him from his mission.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Right. Pretty significant thing then happens in the movie. The Green Goblin discovers Spider-Man's true identity. He realizes he is Peter Parker. He knows Peter Parker because Peter is the best friend of Norman Osborn's son, Harry. So he recognizes who Spider-Man is, and that's the key, he believes, to defeating him. He says this when he's talking to himself, that evil side is talking to the Norman Osborn side, "The cunning warrior attacks neither body or mind," he says. "First we attack the heart."




Gary Schneeberger:

So he attacks Aunt May and he kidnaps Mary Jane. That idea, what Norman Osborn, Green Goblin says in that moment, is a platinum truth of Crucible Leadership we need to remember every day. Those things that will discourage us most, that pose the greatest danger to knock the wind out of our sails and change the trajectory of our lives, are the things that hurt us in our hearts and our souls. That's why, as we've talked about so much on this show, we must always be mindful of what I've heard you call dozens of times, soul care. Why is that so critical for all of us, as we look to avoid crucibles, weather crucibles, and pursue a life of significance?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's such a great point. One of the things that most religions, I'd say many people believe, is there is a fight, if you will, between good and evil out there. I can't think of any religion that does not believe that. And so whether you view it that way or more metaphysically like in Star Wars where it's the force, the force for good versus the dark side, that's true.




Warwick Fairfax:

And what I love about this movie is it isn't just a fight at a physical super hero level between good and evil. This voice, almost in a psychotic schizophrenic way, talks to Norman Osborn as the Goblin. And unfortunately mentors him exceptionally well. From a dark side perspective, it's fantastic advice, if you're on the dark side. Don't just attack the person, physically crush their soul. If you crush their soul, you will stop their ability to win, their ability to fight.




Warwick Fairfax:

It doesn't quite say it in those words, but when that evil entity, if you will, just talks about the battle is basically about hurting their hearts and hurting their souls. That is just so, so sad. And as we see just later on, the way that Green Goblin does this, to attack Peter's heart, is by attacking Aunt May, his beloved Aunt May. And there's an incredible scene where the Green Goblin knows who he is and he proceeds to attack Aunt May, who, to reiterate this whole good versus evil, she's reciting the Lord's prayer.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

She's saying, "Our father in heaven, hallowed be thy name." She's reciting that as this evil is happening and the Green Goblin is saying, "Continue," loves the whole good versus evil fight.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right, right.




Warwick Fairfax:

"Keep it up." He's almost taunting. Almost like Satan in the wilderness with Jesus kind of thing, just taunting. It's so true. And I think the lesson for all of us is guard your hearts, guard your soul. Where your heart and soul is, is where you a whole life is, where your whole direction is. Soul care, physical fitness, eating right, really important, but dig down into what you believe is the ultimate truth. Whether it's faith, whatever religion that would be, beliefs, philosophy, make sure you're 100% grounded every day with practices that guard your heart and your soul, because you lose the battle for your heart and your soul, you've lost the battle for your whole life. So that is the ultimate Fort Knox of your life, that you guard it with every fiber of your being, your soul. It's absolutely critical.




Gary Schneeberger:

Aunt May's in the hospital after she's attacked by the Green Goblin. There's a scene in the hospital where she's talking to Peter. Again, no idea he's Spider-Man, none of that, just knows he's Peter Parker who's worried about his beloved Aunt May. There's a scene that moved you when they're talking about Mary Jane and she's urging him to just quit keeping it a secret and tell her how you feel. "Why can't you tell her how you feel?" But there was a scene there that moved you. Talk about that a little bit.




Warwick Fairfax:

One of the subtexts in this movie is Peter has loved Mary Jane his whole life. And Mary Jane really sees something in Peter she's sort of evolving into because she's, like a lot of folks, attracted to the strong, handsome football player, but there's something in Peter that she admires. Peter then gives, who is really himself fantastic at empathy and encouragement, he gives actually Mary Jane that compliment. He says, "When you look at Mary Jane's eyes, you know what kind of man you want to be. You have reached the unreachable. You feel stronger yet weaker." Basically she kind of bores into your soul or just that she just has this effect on you that's hard to describe.




Warwick Fairfax:

And I think we all want people who make us be the man or woman that we want to be, that we feel we could be. And he sees in Mary Jane as somebody who also believes in him. It's not just he believes in Mary Jane, she believes in Peter Parker, as we'll see towards the end of the movie. She admires him. She admires his soul. He has Aunt May and Uncle Ben, but here's somebody that he deeply loves who absolutely 100% really believes in him. And that's huge for him. There's something about her that inspires him to be better than himself so it's a wonderful, wonderful scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

This is not a spoiler. It's a superhero movie, heroes, beat villains. Spider-Man defeats the Green Goblin in the end. And there's a great scene during the final battle that I really loved when all these everyday New Yorkers gather around the scene of the fight that's taking place kind of up in the air on scaffolding. The Green Goblin has his glider that he rides on. Spider-Man's got his webs and they're fighting all above the earth there. But all these New Yorkers from all walks of life gather to cheer on Spider-Man and to go against the Goblin.




Gary Schneeberger:

And they start throwing things at the Green Goblin who's got these bombs that can radiate you, right? That can just make you vanish. He's got bombs that'll blow things up. He's a very high tech guy who could kill any one of these average New Yorkers who are chiding him, but they're telling him to leave Spider-Man alone and they're throwing rotten fruit at him, they're throwing stuff at him. And there's scores of them, maybe hundreds of them up there.




Gary Schneeberger:

And one of them says this, "You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us." It's a small scene, but it's a critical truth about the importance of living a life of significance. Our life of significance can inspire others to lead lives of significance. We change the world by changing the people living in the world. And what Spider-Man has done through his acts of dedicated to saving New York, to serving New York and its citizenry, what he has done is inspired that same kind of selflessness in the people of New York. If you blink, you'll miss the scene, but it's really a powerful truth about what Crucible Leadership aims to teach, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely, Gary. It's a great scene in which maybe not every New Yorker thinks that Spider-Man's a hero, but he sees it in this final scene, one of the final scenes, Spider-Man is trying at the same time to save Mary Jane and also save people that are in this tram, the Roosevelt Island tram that connects Roosevelt Island with Manhattan. I've actually traveled on that tram, funnily enough, but fortunately the Green Goblin wasn't around, so that was good. Yeah.




Gary Schneeberger:

You escaped there. Good for you.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. Hopefully a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man would've saved me, but it's a great moment where Spider-Man is inspired in a sense, Peter Parker is, by his Aunt May and certainly his Uncle Ben in that scene about using your powers for good to help others. And here he's inspired other people, fellow New Yorkers, who throw stones and whatever they can against the Green Goblin. He's inspired a bunch of folks.




Warwick Fairfax:

And when you feel like you're living a life of significance, we always talk about if you can help one person, that's enough. More? That's great. But it's not about numbers, but it's making a difference in people's lives. And Peter Parker is not just saving them physically, he's also saving them in terms of character. He's helping them become people that also lead lives of significance. They're focused on helping others. These folks are trying to help Spider-Man and combat the Green Goblin and maybe save those poor people on that tram. It's a great scene. It's one of the final scenes before we get to the ultimate conflict between Spider-Man and the Goblin and the continuation of that scene is also very powerful.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And in the continuation of that scene, again, not a spoiler, the Green Goblin is indeed killed by his own glider and the trident or the things on the front that stab him to death when he's trying to use it to kill Spider-Man. And speaking of Spider-Man's character, Peter Parker's character, in that moment as the Green Goblin lay dying, again, the Green Goblin is Norman Osborn who's the father of Peter's friend Harry. There's something that transpires that the Goblin asks him to do that Peter weighs and his response to it speaks to his character and the truth that sometimes living out of your character causes you some challenges. It's not always easy to live your life according to your values and your character. How does that play out in the death scene of the Green Goblin?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it's a great scene. So as you say, Green Goblin takes off his mask, reveals that he's Norman Osborn. And Norman pretends to befriend Peter, it's all a trick, it's all just a device. Again, it's right out of the evil playbook, if you will. He says to Peter, "I was like a father to you," while he's manipulating some remote device to get his glider thing all geared up to kill Peter Parker, Spider-Man, behind his back. And so in this retort to Norman Osborn saying, "Hey, I was like a father to you." Peter says, "I had a father. His name was Ben Parker."




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

Now, obviously that's Uncle Ben. That's not his actual father, but in that moment, he's saying Ben Parker was the father I knew, the father that raised me, and I loved him. Basically you're certainly no Ben Parker. So it's a wonderful scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it gives him the chance, it gives Peter Parker, Spider-Man, the chance to redeem that last moment he had with Uncle Ben, where he said, "Stop acting like my father if you're not my father." He redeems that part in this final scene with the Green Goblin. And then beyond that, he has to make a decision.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Very well said. And so sort of poetic justice, the Green Goblin gets killed by his own device. So Spider-Man doesn't actually kill him, he just moves out of the way and this device with the trident kills the Green Goblin. And so then as Norman Osborn has moments to live, he says to Peter, "Please don't tell my son, Harry, who I am and what happened," because basically he wants his son to think well of him. To Peter's great cost in subsequent movies, Peter does not reveal that Harry's father, Norman Osborn, was the Green Goblin. And he keeps that promise, as we'll find, to his great cost. He does the honorable thing to really out of love and care for his good buddy, Harry. It's a very kind thing that he does and a noble thing, but it would come at great cost as we'll see in later movies.




Gary Schneeberger:

Absolutely. So the end of the movie then is all set up at that point for the hero to get the girl, right? We all love to see that happen in these kinds of movies. There's been lots of tension. There's been lots of conflict. There's this unrequited love between two characters. We want to see them get together. And that almost happens at the end of this movie. Mary Jane confesses her love to Peter. As much as he loves her though, he tells her he doesn't love her, that he just wants to be her friend. He's determined, we hear him say it in an internal monologue, that, "No matter what I do, no matter how I try, the ones I love will always be the ones who pay." The price of his life of significance, of serving and saving the city, is he can't get the girl. But teaser alert, at least not yet. He does indeed get the girl in Spider-Man 2. And there's even some suggestion that he might get the girl in Spider-Man 3.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's a pretty steep price. A lot of times we can think that living in a life of significance then coincides with living like we have everything we want. That necessarily isn't true in real life, R-E-A-L, or in reel life, R-E-E-L, in this case. Peter doesn't get everything he wants, even though he's doing what he knows to be the right thing, the life of significance, dedicated to serving others and living it very much on purpose to the point that he denies his own romantic feelings for the girl he's loved since he was six.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it's so true. It's such a great scene in the movie. And it really begins in just an incredible way in which Mary Jane said when she thought she was about to die and she was dangling in the air, along with the folks in the Roosevelt Island tramway car while the Green Goblin was fighting Spider-Man. She said when she thought she was about to die, she thought of Peter. Now, she doesn't know Peter Parker's Spider-Man. And for most folks, it's like, "What girl wouldn't fall in love with Spider-Man? He's the hero. He's the superhero." Peter Parker is just Peter Parker.




Gary Schneeberger:

And in fact, she has fallen in love a little bit with Spider-Man. They have the iconic film kiss where they kiss in the rain. She's kind of drawn to Spider-Man because he's so heroic, but she has no idea that it's her friend, Peter, or the man now that she loves, Peter. She has no idea about that when this scene happens.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Yeah. So true. But sometimes when you think, "This is going to be my last night on earth, I'm about to die," reality gets really crystallized. What is it you value? Who do you really love? And she loves Peter. She said there's only been one man for her. She says Peter makes her feel that she's more that she could be. And she tells him that she loves him. And basically, I think it's because of his character. She falls in love with his character, with the good man that Peter Parker is who's always caring for others, empathizing and encouraging them. She feels like she can be a better woman with Peter by her side. Makes her feel that she can really believe in herself because Peter helps her believe in herself. It's a great scene.




Warwick Fairfax:

So that would be incredibly affirming and I'm sure Peter was moved deeply. But as you say, internally, he says, "I'll always care for you. I'll always be there, but we'll have to be friends," because he feels like that, as you say, his internal monologue, "Everybody that I care for, I put in danger." And so his higher purpose is to care for others, especially Mary Jane. And by being her boyfriend and maybe husband one day, he feels like she'll be in danger. So it's almost like inside he's saying I love you too much.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

To love you in the way that you want me to love you. She can't know that he's thinking that. And not only that, not only do I love you too much to have a serious relationship with you, my duty is to other human beings, is to humanity, is to men and women and to protect and serve and save them. And I can't have anything derail my higher purpose. It's the ultimate sacrifice as he sacrifices the love of his life to protect her because he loves her so much. And also because his highest purpose is to serve others. It is the ultimate life of significance. It's an incredible heroic and almost the ultimate selfless act on so many levels.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. So there's one beat from the most recent iteration of Spider-Man that's worth pointing out, just because it reflects most of what our conversation has been about here or the high points of this conversation of Spider-Man 2002. And that is in the most recent iteration of Spider-Man, he doesn't have an Uncle Ben. He has, as I've said before, he has an Aunt May who makes me feel really old because the actress, Marisa Tomei, who plays her, is younger than I am. I don't know how I'm ever going to get over it. I'm never going to get over that, actually. But in the current iteration of Spider-Man, it's not Uncle Ben, but Ironman who takes him under his wing, perhaps under his armor, and teaches him to believe in himself, to trust his powers, to trust the goodness inside him.




Gary Schneeberger:

And as we wrap up here, that's really a role we all should look to play, in encouraging others pursuing their lives of significance. Isn't it? In every Spider-Man iteration, there's that character or characters who speak encouragement, life, affirmation into the hero. And that's a big reason of why he becomes a hero. That's a great lesson for us as we're interacting with people, to help them become "heroes", by doing the same thing, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's so true. It's hard to think of people that have done heroic things without somebody that just believes in them. It's really the power of both encouraging and being encouraged, having an Aunt May and Uncle Ben that, or in some sense, a Mary Jane, that really believe in you. It can help you be better than you thought you could be. It could help you be everything you dreamed about in terms of who you are as a character and how you would serve others.




Warwick Fairfax:

But I think it also speaks, too few times in life do we focus on encouraging others. I've often found people think things, but they don't say it. I have this mantra, if you will, in terms of things on a positive side, "If you see something, say something." In other words, if you see something positive, say something. I've tried to do it with people I know and with the nonprofit boards I've served on. I'm not perfect, but it's one of my highest values is if there's something that you see that is worthwhile, mention what it is and be specific. And don't hold back because it's like rocket fuel to you, well, it would be like rocket fuel to others. And especially when we're in our lowest moments.




Warwick Fairfax:

I think back in the early '20s of when President Franklin Roosevelt was stricken with polio. He was, I don't know, maybe early 40s or something. He was in the height of life and he gets polio, which back then was a death sentence. You were meant to hide away. It was shameful for whatever reason in society. And his wife, Eleanor, just believes in him, saying, "Your life is not over. You can have a political comeback," which back then, would seem unthinkable. And his mother, Sara Roosevelt was more, "Yep, you should stay home and lead a quiet life." I'm sure a wonderful woman, but that wasn't helpful, his mother's advice. What was helpful was the rocket fuel from Eleanor Roosevelt. In his darkest moment, she believed in him. Without Eleanor Roosevelt, there would be no Franklin Roosevelt as president in the height of the Depression, at the height of World War II. So can you imagine World War II or the Depression without Franklin Roosevelt? It's unthinkable. It's a scary thought. Who knows what the United States or the world would be like.




Warwick Fairfax:

So having an Eleanor Roosevelt in your life or an Aunt May is critical, and being an Aunt May or an Eleanor Roosevelt. You don't know who you're talking to, who they'll be in terms of character or anything else in life. It's a great model for us, Aunt May and Uncle Ben in this movie.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's a great on-ramp to the reflection question that we have for this episode. Every time we do one of these dialogue episodes, especially here in the series, we want to leave you, listener, with something to ponder. And I'll talk about this Warwick, and then I'll throw it to you to pull the balloon strings together and put the bow on the package. But here's the reflection point for you, listener. The movie really shows the power of encouragement. We've talked about it this entire episode. Whether it's Uncle Ben believing in and guiding Peter to become a man of character or Peter supporting Mary Jane as she pursues her dreams of becoming an actress.




Gary Schneeberger:

So ask yourself this question. Who in your life needs encouragement? Who needs to know that you believe in them? Now to Warwick's point, go tell them. Turn the podcast off right now and go tell them. And be specific about the character traits you see fueling their success, but also their significance. Be as specific as you can be about those things that you want to affirm in them. This should be a bumper sticker. Be someone's Uncle Ben, right? Be someone's Uncle Ben. If you get nothing else out of this show, get this, be someone's Uncle Ben. Get that or whatever it is Warwick's going to leave us with at the end. Warwick, wrap it up for us.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, I think that is a great point to end on, I have to say, but to reiterate what you're saying, Gary, you never know who you're going to affect. It may be that somebody may achieve greatness like a Franklin Roosevelt, or maybe not quite at that level, which who of us do. But when you think about a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others, there are fewer greater ways to live a life of significance than to encourage others, especially at their lowest moments where they're in the bottom of the pit. And not just saying that you believe in them, but telling them why you believe in them and being there for them. And don't just do it one and done. They're probably going to need to hear it more than once.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it's not flattery. Flattery is saying things that aren't true, which I absolutely don't believe in. Encouragement is saying things that are true, that the person is going to have difficulty believing in their lowest moments. But be specific, talk about their character traits. And if you have to think of, "Well, how can I think of who to pick?" Pick whoever comes to your heart, but certainly if you have a friend or somebody that you know well, especially because it gives you a bit more of a right to speak, think of somebody that maybe today is their lowest day. Maybe they're in the bottom of the pit. Give them some words of encouragement that will be like drops of grace in a soul that's parched, that may not have much ability to move on. So just think of that person who you can encourage and just make a difference in their life. Because that's, to me, it's almost one of the ultimate ways of living a life of significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

That is a perfect place to end the show. So thank you, listener, for spending time with us on this fifth episode of our series LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES, in which we're talking about the lessons we can learn, the inspiration we can draw from our favorite movie heroes, be they superheroes, action heroes, historical heroes.




Gary Schneeberger:

Next week, just so you can do the advanced screening of the film if you wish, we're going to talk about another one of my favorites, Die Hard, the first Die Hard from 1987 staring Bruce Willis. Lots of great crucible experience information in there. In fact, we've published a blog at crucibleleadership.com a couple years ago around Christmastime because Die Hard is a Christmas movie, just so you know. There's a little bit of confusion about that, some controversy, but I'm telling you, from the co-host of the show here, it's a Christmas movie. And it's a bit of a superhero movie as well.




Gary Schneeberger:

But until the next time we're together and we talk about Die Hard, we ask that you remember this, that we understand your crucibles are difficult. Those experiences can knock the wind out of your sails. They can make you feel as if the trajectory of your life has changed. Certainly Peter Parker's trajectory of his life changed when as Spider-Man he encountered some of those crucibles that the Green Goblin threw at him. But if we learn the lessons from them, if we apply those lessons moving forward, and Peter applied some lessons that he learned from his Uncle Ben about character, about with great power comes great responsibility, if you learn those kinds of lessons through the difficult times in our lives, that will make the times ahead in our lives less difficult. And will, in fact, in the most rewarding outcome that we can get, is they will lead us to, as they led Peter Parker and Spider-Man to, a life of significance.

“Rise and Rise again, until lambs become lions.” There’s a motto to live a life of significance by, to inspire not just perseverance in the face of crucibles, but noble triumph over them. It’s the central truth explored in this episode of the summer series LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us About Overcoming Setbacks and Failure. Host Warwick Fairfax and cohost Gary Schneeberger discuss the many lessons to learned from ROBIN HOOD, particularly the Russell Crowe version of the film, in which a common archer preserves England’s sovereignty and becomes a champion of the downtrodden and dismissed. Robin finds a life and builds a legacy of  significance by cultivating his character and putting the needs of others ahead of his own wants. Be sure to catch the intermission – this is a series about movies, right? – where Warwick and Gary discuss the versions of the Robin Hood legend that have resonated the most for them for decades.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Sir Walter Locksley:

You need to know what I know. Your father was a stone mason. Is that pleasing to you?




Robin Longstride:

Yes, it is.




Sir Walter Locksley:

But he was more than that. He was a visionary.




Robin Longstride:

What did he see?




Sir Walter Locksley:

That kings have a need of their subjects, no less than their subjects have need of kings. A dangerous idea. Your father was a philosopher. He had a way of speaking that took you by the ears and by the heart.




Robin Longstride's Father:

None of these things can be written down, Robin. You must commit them to your very soul. This is the science of memory.




Robin Longstride:

Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions.




Sir Walter Locksley:

Finally, hundreds listen, thousands, who took up his call for the rights of all ranks from baron to serf.




Robin Longstride:

Rise and rise again until lambs become lions.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now there's a motto to live a life of significance by. To inspire, not just perseverance in the face of crucibles, but noble triumph over them. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. This week on our special summer series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, what our favorite movie heroes can teach us about overcoming setbacks and failure, Warwick and I discuss the lessons to learn from Robin Hood. We'll spend most of our time discussing the Russell Crowe version of the film, from which that clip you heard was taken, in which a common archer preserves England's sovereignty and becomes a champion of the downtrodden and dismissed.




Gary Schneeberger:

Robin finds a life and builds a legacy of significance by cultivating his character and putting the needs of others ahead of his own wants. And don't miss our intermission. The series is about movies, right? Where Warwick and I discuss the versions of the Robin Hood legend that have resonated the most for us for decades. Spoiler alert, mine involves Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby. The reason why, listener, this is going to be a lot of fun is that this is part of our series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, what your favorite movie heroes can teach you about overcoming setback and failure. And this week's exploration is on a subject, on a movie hero, that that has meant a lot to Warwick since he was a boy, as we'll talk about here. And before I say said character's name, I'm just going to do this, so you can see who we might be talking about today.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, there you go. It is indeed, Robin Hood. It's why I've got an arrow here on my jacket. And that's why if you're listening, not watching on YouTube, you have no idea why we just laughed. I've put a Robin Hood felt hat on my head. So, I very commonly wear hats on the show. I will not wear this one the whole episode though, Warwick, because it'll probably distract you. So I'll take it off now, but there it goes. So, that was my way of making sure I was on brand here for our discussion of Robin Hood. The reason that we chose Robin Hood, listeners, is one of the things that we try to do with every hero that we select is: what are the key learnings from the movie experience of that hero that apply to what Crucible Leadership aims to help you to do?




Gary Schneeberger:

And that is to overcome your setbacks and failures and lead a life of significance. And Robin Hood is a great example of that. And I'm going to throw out a couple of biographical notes, and then I'm going to let Warwick sort of explain a little more about it. But Robin Hood, as you all know... If you know only a little of him, he's the guy who takes from the rich and gives to the poor. And he's a legendary heroic outlaw depicted originally in English folklore, and then subsequently featured in a lot of literature and a lot of film.




Gary Schneeberger:

According to legend, he was a highly skilled archer and swordsman. In some versions of the legends, he's depicted as being of noble birth. In some modern versions, he's depicted as being a yeoman. But some of the general beats that are there for all of them is, he's taken part in the crusades or he's served King Richard who was running the crusades, and he's often dressed in this hat that I was just wearing. But it's that idea of fighting for the oppressed, and helping them become less oppressed, I think is sort of the headline of who Robin Hood is if we had to nail it down to a tweet, right, Warwick?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Yeah. He's always fighting for the common man, common woman. Obviously, different adaptations. Kind of originally in the earliest myths dating to 1100-1200's and beyond, he was sort of this yeoman, common man figure. And then in later versions, and I don't know, 1600's through 1800s, he becomes a noble, I guess, because the writers of mythical fiction back then wanted him more to be this heroic noble figure. So yeah, there have been different versions of him, but he's this mythic person that fights for the oppressed against the rich and powerful.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's one of the things that I've found really interesting about it because I have not been a huge Robin Hood fan my whole life. He is big in America, as well, but certainly not as big as perhaps in England and Australia. But I sort of always assumed at some point in my life, I forget when I stopped assuming this, and he was based on a real life figure. And that has been something that historians have tried to prove over the years, but they had never been able to do it, have they? That Robin Hood was actually based on one person who actually existed.




Warwick Fairfax:

No, it is really a mythic heroic figure. And it's just fascinating, as I guess we'll get into, is just the different versions of him in film have changed a bit, but we'll get into this 2010 Russell Crowe movie we're going to chat about a lot here. If anything, that's more of the original story of Robin Hood. But the mythic figure I grew up with is really typified in the 1938 movie with Errol Flynn as Robin Hood, Olivia de Havilland as Maid Marian, and was The Adventures of Robin Hood. And so, that's sort of the classic version that pre-Russel Crowe, even the Kevin Costner version, that is what, today, people commonly think of as Robin Hood. He is this nobleman that goes off to the Crusades, at least in some of them, kind of comes back. King Richard is captured somewhere in Austria, I think it is, and is held for ransom for years. And so, Robin is back in England because he opposes then Prince John and his tyranny, he becomes an outlaw.




Warwick Fairfax:

So you have this nobleman who basically gives up his title, if you will, by fighting for the oppressed. And at the end of the 1938 movie, King Richard comes back and all is restored, and everything's good. So that is the classic tale, be it in Kevin Costner's version or in Errol Flynn's version. Wealthy nobleman, basically in a sense, puts everything on the line to fight for the oppressed, but at the end he has it restored. Anyway, that's the normal version, if you will, in the last, I don't know 80, 90 years of the Robin Hood myth.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's interesting to hear you explain it that way because we say often at Crucible Leadership and Beyond the Crucible that success and significance aren't mutually exclusive. You can have success, and that success can be also part of a life of significance. What's interesting as I hear you describe Robin Hood in that way, in the traditional reading of the Errol Flynn film and the Kevin Costner film, he sort of had to cast success aside to find significance. He wasn't one who initially was able to meld those two together. He had to leave behind success. He had to become an outlaw. And then through that, in helping the oppressed, he found significance, and as you said, it's restored. But that's an interesting concept. There's not a whole lot of times we talk about that on this show, that success and significance don't exist in the same universe. In the universe of Robin Hood, many times, that's true. Success, as the world defines it, and significance do not coexist.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to be willing to risk at all for the greater good. In really, every version of Robin Hood that's popular, it's never about him. In the 1938 classic version with Errol Flynn, not only does he want to rob from the rich, the oppressive King John, who was imposing ridiculously high taxes just to benefit his own wealth and coffers, but also he wants to help raise money to free King Richard in Austria, help raise ransom money.




Warwick Fairfax:

There's a wonderful scene in the 1938 movie when he is trying to explain to her, in the Sherwood Forest, what it is they do. And they've just plundered a whole bunch of stuff, taxes from some wealthy henchman of Prince John, and he asks his men, he says, "Men, should we divide up all this money, the spoils, for ourselves? Or should we use it to ransom King Richard in prison in Austria? What do we do, men?" And they all shout, "This is for King Richard." In other words, they could have used the money for themselves, but none of these men were about themselves. It's all about combating oppression and freeing their beloved King Richard, who wasn't perfect, but certainly was a way better king than Prince John.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, certainly better than his brother turned out to be for sure.




Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, man. In every version, Prince John, and then King John is the bad guy, which was true in real life.




Gary Schneeberger:

Sort of like guy Guy Gisbourne as the sheriff, right? I mean, he's a bad guy in all the versions, as well. Speaking of all the versions, you have talked a little bit here about the 1938 with Errol Flynn. We're going to really unpack the 2010 with Russell Crowe, but it all kind of begin filmically in 1922 with Douglas Fairbanks. And that is an interesting film because not only does it set Robin Hood on his filmic journey, but it's sort of the start, you could argue, of action heroes. You and I were talking beforehand here, and you said that Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone all owe a little bit of a debt of gratitude to Douglas Fairbanks. How so?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. So the original 1922 version starring Douglas Fairbanks, I mean, he did an early silent movie version of Zorro and pirates, swashbuckling movies. He was the original action hero swashbuckler that everybody from Errol Flynn onward owe a debt of gratitude. I mean, back in the twenties, he was the box office gold. Everybody wanted to see the latest swashbuckling Douglas Fairbanks action hero. He was married to another movie star, Mary Pickford, and arguably you could say they created Hollywood. Back in the early twenties, it wasn't a whole lot out there and with their movies, and they built this big house, Pickfair, somewhere in, I don't know, Beverly Hills, Hollywood, somewhere like that. It just became a magnet. So yeah, Douglas Fairbanks was huge in many ways, both in terms of helping to create the Hollywood that we now have, as well as just the original art in the story, the action heroes, an amazing guy.




Gary Schneeberger:

And all this that we've been kind of talking about, let's gather it up here and put it in perspective for the listeners. What makes Robin Hood so timeless and ageless, why he's still around these 80, 90 years, I can't do the math, is because of what he inspires in us, the viewers, right? And that's to live a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. If there was a logo for that aspect of what Crucible Leadership stands for, Robin Hood's a pretty good logo for that, isn't it? A life on purpose dedicated to serving others.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. And in the Robin Hood myth and every version, putting everything on the line for your beliefs. It's almost like in the military, they say in the US, "Duty, honor, country." People go in the military knowing they may well have to risk their lives for their country. It's in one sense, you could say the ultimate noble sacrifice to... And in this particular case in the Robin Hood era, he is willing to lay down his life to combat forces of oppression, in this case, led by Prince, and then King John.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it's not about his own wealth, irrespective of the version. Whether he's a yeoman, common man in the 2010 Russell Crowe version, or Kevin Costner, Errol Flynn version where he's more of a wealthy nobleman, it's all about putting everything on the line, not just for a cause, but for a cause that's devoted to helping other people, right? That, in a sense, is the ultimate life of significance and that you were willing to risk everything to help others for a higher purpose for a life of significance. That's why it's such a compelling story and why people have been fascinated by the story of Robin Hood for years, if not centuries.




Gary Schneeberger:

And one of the things that's interesting about it, and we're going to get into talking now about the Russell Crowe 2010 version. But sort of to set the table for that, one of the things I found fascinating about looking through all these movies that have been based on the Robin Hood legend have drawn their inspiration from that is that, this movie, this 2010 movie, you're exactly right, it's lasted through generations and each generation has sort of gotten its own kind of Robin Hood. I liken it to... As I was watching this movie for this show, it made me think of James Bond. And I just so happened to be, aside from the work I do at Crucible Leadership here, I'm writing a book on the films of James Bond, and I've watched from Sean Connery through to then Daniel Craig. And what happens is, Sean Connery's kind of a rake, right? He's kind of charming and he's witty, and Daniel Craig is gritty and violent and really strong and powerful.




Gary Schneeberger:

And the same sort of thing can be said about the early Robin Hoods, and then to this 2010 with Russell Crowe. It's kind of like Daniel Craig's version of Bond, Russell Crowe's version of Robin Hood is very much for its time today. It wouldn't be boxing, right? Boxing's described as a sweet science, right? That's Errol Flynn's Robin Hood, I think. Russell Crowe's is MMA, mixed martial arts. It's much more physical and much more gritty. But yet, the importance, again, for our discussion, is that the beats of the story about dedicating your life to serve others and rising above crucibles, is a throughline through all of these iterations of it. The 2010 Robin Hood begins with a fantastic preamble. The preamble says this: "In times of tyranny and injustice, when law oppresses the people, the outlaw takes his place in history." This movie takes place, as most of the Robin Hood legends do, in 12th century England. That's a pretty good summary of what we're about to see in this movie, and frankly, what we see in all the Robin Hood depictions, most of them.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. It's all about Robin Hood as being this champion for the underdog in fighting against tyranny and injustice. I mean, sadly, tyranny and injustice have been around ever since there were humans. It's the nature of humans that there will be some that choose to oppress, even enslave others. And it's true of most, if not every culture, and it was certainly true in 12th century England, as we'll see later. The rise of Kings back then was pretty much absolute. They could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. Pretty much no rules, none of this Marquis de Queensbury rule stuff like in boxing they had.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, it's like, you're the king... At the risk of being slightly humorous, I'm reminded of that Mel Brooks movie, I think it's History of the World, Part II, or something. I don't care if there ever was a Part I, just started with Part II. And there's a scene where King Louis of France says, "It's good to be the king." And it's kind of like that. It's humorous in a way. It's good to be the king. You could do you could do whatever you wanted, bad for everybody else, but these were dark times.




Gary Schneeberger:

And speaking of Mel Brooks, even he did a Robin Hood movie. Robin Hood: Men in Tights, which was a comedy, which is funny in that Mel Brooks kind of way. I'm going to do something I haven't done in the series yet because you just have been talking about kings and absolute power. Our next episode is going to be on Spider-Man. And there's a key beat in the Spider-Man story. It varies from movie to movie on who tells it to him, but Spider-Man lives on with this belief, birthed from a crucible, birthed from pain, that with great power comes great responsibility. And that is what we're not seeing in the bad guys in Robin Hood. They have a lot of power, many of the rulers, but they're not living it responsibly. And that's where Robin, as he develops power, he continues to live responsibly.




Gary Schneeberger:

He starts out with no power living responsibly and as he begins to become a hero, he doesn't lose that sense of responsibility. The basic beats of this story, in Robin Hood 2010, King Richard the Lionheart, he's been away for a decade. He's fighting his crusade and he's away for 10 years, and the people, as you've indicated, have suffered because they don't have a leader with his character. They don't have a leader with his... He's not a perfect leader, but he's got a hearty character. The barons in the country are not united. They're all kind of operating independently. And everyday citizens are oppressed by greedy and unscrupulous leaders, including, as depicted in this film, the church is not non-complicit in what's going on. And into all of this backdrop, we meet Russell Crowe who plays Robin Longstride. Talk a little bit about Robin Longstride, as portrayed by Russell Crowe in this film, at the beginning, when we first meet him.




Warwick Fairfax:

So he is just this common man. He has been in the Crusades with King Richard. After 10 years, at least as depicted here, they're back in France, which at the medieval times, I don't know what, 1000, 1100 through maybe 1200, 1300's or so. England fought over various parts of France, not to get to in the weeds here, but at the time we're talking about, 1066, William the Conqueror of Normandy and Northern France conquered England. So, you had the Normans and the Saxons. Robin is of the sort of Saxon class, which was sort of oppressed in a sense at the time. So King Richard, after 10 years in the Crusade, he's in France and he is sort of one more siege away from returning to England, at least that's what they say in the movie. And so, here's Robin Longstride and he's just a regular guy.




Warwick Fairfax:

He's an archer. Certainly in English history at this time, for the next couple hundred years, the archers, the Longbowmen of England were sort of the ultimate weapon that other nations couldn't compete with. The ability to shoot these arrows from these massive bows, long distances, shoe armour. It's certainly around English history. So he was an archer, which certainly had some respect in the military back then, but he was a common man. He wasn't this nobleman. So, that's the Robin Longstride of this version. And in some sense, in the original myths of Robin Hood, that is in a sense back to the original myth, if you will.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he has a moment early on in this movie with King Richard. This is a very interesting... This is a great episode to be here, listener, because you're going to get a chance now to... And it's funny that we refer to things that don't show up in a final product as being on the cutting room floor. So Warwick had parts of his book, Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials To Lead a Life of Significance, ended up on the cutting room floor. And now, we're talking about movies where the idea of a cutting room floor actually does really exist because they would cut film out and they would land on the cutting room floor. But there's a scene that helps explain the character, and by character, I mean the internal fortitude of Robin Longstride that you had originally put in your book, Crucible Leadership, to help people understand how you develop character, help people understand those kinds of things. So, unpack that a little bit. Let's kind of walk through that because it's a fascinating look at how you speak truth to power, I think is the headline on that.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. So originally in my book, in the current book I have a couple chapters that deal with organizational leadership. How do you organize a team of committed followers and that kind of thing. And so in the original version that was cut literally years ago, I had a scene from this 2010 version of Robin Hood. And in the movie, King Richard the Lionheart, he's laying siege to this castle in France, and he's chatting with Sir Robert Locksley, his right hand man, and he's feeling a bit melancholy that they're in his tent. And Sir Robert Locksley is saying, "They're going to rejoice when you come home." And King Richard says, "Well, I'm not so sure. My army knows better. The Lionheart is a bit mangy."




Warwick Fairfax:

He feels like some of the luster of his character has worn off a bit, a little bit of self awareness. He's sort of a bit melancholy. And so, Robert Locksley says, "But everybody in the army idealizes you." And he says, "Oh, come on." And so he says, "Let's see if we can find an honest man." He wants to see if he'll find an honest man in the English army that will tell him the truth. That's what he's looking for, and really credit to him, I suppose, for doing that. So somehow he comes along, slide this command arch Robin Longstride. So basically, there's a scene in which he ends up meeting him and, if you've seen the movie, you'll know the context, but he starts out the relevant portion of our dialogue by saying, "Are you honest enough," to Robin Longstride, "To tell the king something he doesn't want to hear? What's your opinion of my crusade? Will God be pleased with my sacrifice?"




Warwick Fairfax:

Now, that's about as tough a question as you're ever going to face. What's your opinion of the crusade? And will God be pleased with my sacrifice? And so, Robin takes a minute, and he looks at the king and says, "No, he won't." In other words, God won't be pleased with your sacrifice. I mean, in this day and age, as we said, Kings had absolute power, which meant that the king could have killed him on the spot. There's no Supreme Court, no appeals. I mean, you're literally taking your life in your own hands by saying that, and Robin did. And so obviously, Richard says, "Well, why do you say that?" And so Robin says, "The massacre at Acre..." Which was in the Middle East and in Palestine. And so Robin says, "You had us herd two and a half thousand Muslim men, and women, and children together and basically killed them."




Warwick Fairfax:

And he said, "There was a woman that just looked at me and she just had pity in her eyes. Not anger, but pity. And in that moment, Robin said, "We will be Godless. All of us, Godless." In other words, they were betraying their faith, they were betraying God. They're doing everything morally and spiritually that was abhorrent and absolutely wrong. So at that point, King Richard says, "Honest, brave, and naive." Clearly he was missing a few beats in his character, the fact that he could even think that was justifiable, that horrific act. And so what happened to... You would think he could have been executed at that point and ended the movie after 15 minutes. But no, he was put in the stockades, if you've seen those at fairs where you stick your arms and legs in stocks.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, he could have been killed. At least flogging would've been mild. And so, that's sort of the end of that scene. It shows tremendous bravery on the part of Robin. And one final beat to this story that's not in the movie, but is really cool. In real life, King Richard does indeed die at the siege of this castle in France. He gets shot with a crossbow and he lays dying. He wants to know which French soldier has killed him and turns out it's some French guy that I don't know, supposedly in some other battle, King Richard's killed his father, brothers, wars, this stuff happens. And King Richard says, "Well, I understand that. I forgive you. And you are to be free. In fact, I'll even give you some money."




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, who gives their person who kills them money? It makes no sense. So it's a great story, and it's totally true. Sadly, after King Richard dies, some other mercenary kills this young guy in pretty gruesome fashion. Sometimes, forgiveness is good, but when you die, it's not necessarily inherited by the next generation. King Richard is an interesting guy. A flawed hero, if you will. But as we'll see, coming up, the now King John, as flawed as Richard was, and he was deeply flawed, King John was a whole nother level of evil. He truly was evil without any redemptive qualities whatsoever.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And we will get to King John, who is King Richard's youngest brother, his only surviving brother. But something you said as you were telling that story, Warwick, really struck me. And it's the first time I thought about it this way, but you mention Robert Locksley, who is with King Richard when he's looking for an honest man among his forces. You mentioned that Sir Robert Locksley is the king's right hand man, but the king's right hand man is not the honest man that the king's searching for. I mean, the king doesn't know he asks someone, "Let's see if I could find an honest man." And his right hand man who he asks, is not an honest man because clearly, as you've explained, that massacre was something that a right hand man would know that was not the right thing to do.




Gary Schneeberger:

But again, he was perhaps more interested in holding onto power, holding onto authority, than he was in doing the right thing. And that's something that you've talked about in the book a lot. We talk about it on the show all the time, surround yourself, leaders, with people who will tell you what you need to hear, not only what you want to hear. And Richard had surrounded himself... Sir Robert Locksley was someone who told him what he wanted to hear and didn't tell him what he didn't want to hear.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's a fascinating point. I hadn't really thought about this, but I think another beat to the story of Sir Robert Locksley, I don't know that he was a bad person per se, but sometimes around this mythic hero, like a King Richard, and you put blinders on. You see the heroic figure, the one that the men cheer for, and you forget the bad stuff because you don't want to take your hero off the pedestal. So for those of us, it's good to have heroes, but look at them with sober eyes. Don't think our heroes have no flaws because every person does. So if you're a follower, if you're a Sir Robert Locksley, don't idealize a hero so much that you can't even see the bad or their deficiency. So, there's lessons for King Richard. There's also lessons for the Robert Locksley's of this world. Have a sober appraisal of your heroes because no hero in the world is perfect. Everybody has their flaws and Robert Locksley was not willing to see that. He just saw the mythic hero figure, not the deeply flawed king that Richard was.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And we find out more about Sir Robert Locksley, in fact, and in one of the next big scenes in the movie that has some import for Crucible Leadership. And that is, he is wounded in the battle that commences, that cost King Richard his life. He's wounded, as well. And as he's laying dying, Robin Longstride is walking through among the injured men and Locksley stops Robin and says to him, he asks him to return his sword. He hands him his sword and says, "Please return this to my father back in England." Again, speaking to perhaps the character of Robert Locksley having some holes in it. He had taken this sword from his father without letting his father know that. His father's also Sir... I forget his name. Sir... What's his name? Walter. Sir Walter Locksley. And he wants Longstride to bring the sword back to his father.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he begins the conversation, Locksley does, with Robin by saying, "Surely, you know what it's like to have a father who loves you." And he says, "No, I don't know what that's like." Robin says. From his point of view, he feels his father abandoned him at age six. But here's the interesting point, Robin agrees to bring that sword back to England and give it to Robert Locksley's dad. And I think the key Crucible Leadership truth there is, we say a lot of the time, you can't inherit a vision and that is entirely true. You cannot inherit a vision, but at the same time, you don't necessarily inherit the kind of nobility that leads to character rather than position. Robin Longstride, at that point in his life, had no really memorable father influence.




Gary Schneeberger:

There was no heritage there that he felt that he heard. And yet, he built his own character on his own doing his own thing by telling the king the truth in that time. And by this man, who's basically a stranger he's fighting alongside, who he knows is of high station, but he says, "Yeah, I'll go back to England and I'm going to bring this sword back to your father, because this is your dying wish." And Robin Longstride, as a man of honor, takes on that responsibility to execute that. And there's a lesson in that for us, as well, about the development of character. You can't inherit character from someone, but what Robin didn't inherit from his own father, in his own sort of upbringing, he certainly built on his own in taking on this responsibility for Robert Locksley.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's such a good point, Gary. Nobility of character and nobility of spirit, it's not something you inherit, it's sort of intrinsic to who you are, or it's something that you believe in, develop. So this was an incredible scene where, as you say, Robert Locksley lays dying, he's sort of murdered in an ambush. He's got a few moments to live and he basically begs Robin Longstride, "I didn't leave my father in a good position. I took his sword from him. I didn't ask. I want to be reconciled to my dad. What I did was wrong. I love my dad. He's a good man. Please give the sword back to him." And just begs him. And Robin Longstride says, "I will do that." As soon as he said that, Robert Locksley then dies. He's at peace now, knowing that there'll be...




Warwick Fairfax:

It was not just the sword will be given back to his father, but there's some sense of reconciliation. There's some sense of, "Forgive me, Father. What I did was wrong." And so, it's a great, not just returning the sword, but in a sense, giving some measure of healing and restoration to the relationship between father and son, even after the death of the son. So, it's an incredible thing that Robin Longstride does. And as you say, it shows his character, his nobility of spirit, which is something that is irrespective of your place in life and birth. We can all have that nobility of character and spirit that Robin Longstride has.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. I mean, there are people in this movie who are called Sir, who have the title of Sir who don't deserve it, who don't have the character to match it. Gottfried being the great example. Is he English? Is he French? He's playing both sides against the middle. He's sort of the chief villain of the piece, but he's got nobility in some sense. King John has nobility in a regal sort of aristocratic sense, but he doesn't have any of that nobility of character that you talked about.




Warwick Fairfax:

No. I mean, just an interesting beat on that, since we're talking about sirs and knights. As listeners would know, there were actually three knights in my family in a row, and not inherited. You can't inherit a knighthood, at least in England, but typically not in Australia, where my father was Sir Warwick Fairfax. His father was Sir James Oswald Fairfax. And then before him, Sir James Redding Fairfax. And in theory, you're meant to be given a knighthood for service to the community for doing things that are meritorious for your country. That's the theory.




Warwick Fairfax:

In practice, obviously, certainly back then, it wasn't always that case. But I think I might have mentioned this occasionally, but my father was knighted while we were living in England when I was about six. And so, he actually got knighted in Buckingham Palace by Queen Elizabeth the Second. At age six, it seemed like some cavernous auditorium in the palace. I felt like I was in... I don't know, sort of the bleachers, upper bleachers somewhere. But you could see, just like in the movies, my father kneeled, and she got out the sword, and puts the sword on both his shoulders flat side. Obviously, you don't want to do the sharp side, otherwise knight's not going to be a knight too long. If anybody's knighting people, flat side first, just tips here.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's some leadership tips.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. And then she says, "Arise." To Warwick, just like in the movies. It was pretty impressive. So yeah, I'd like to think my father was one of the the good nobles, one of the good knights, if you will. But yeah, they weren't always that way, unfortunately.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now that you've told that story, you have to tell the funny thing that you mentioned in the book that I've heard you tell a couple times. Not everybody... I mean, people who aren't from England or Australia don't necessarily understand sirs, and Knights, and lords, and all that stuff. And weren't there people sometimes that sort of misidentified your father by giving him a bit of a royalty promotion of some sorts? Explain that a little bit cause it's just funny.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Yeah. So after I graduated from high school in, I guess, '78, and then was going to Oxford later in fall of '79. We toured around the US for a couple months because I loved American history, and that was where I wanted to go. My dad said, "Well, you got in to Oxford. I'll take you anywhere you want to." And I wanted to go to the US, so we were traveling around and, as you say, people, certainly back then, didn't get all the differences, and they would call him Lord Fairfax. I mean, the word Lord Fairfax... Back in the day in Northern Virginia, There was a Lord Fairfax that helped George Washington get his start, which is another story. Well, a lord is a step up on being a knight, and there's probably 15 different levels of knighthood, believe it or not. Knight is George, and the garter, and goodness knows how many gradations there are, but yeah. When they called him Lord Fairfax, he didn't say, "And actually, no, I'm just Warwick." He just said nothing. "You want to give me a promotion?"




Gary Schneeberger:

I wouldn't have said anything either. In a passing thing going by, that's fine. If that's what you want to believe, that's perfectly okay with me. Back to the sirs though, that sword that Sir Robert Locksley gives Robin to bring back to his father, Sir Walter Locksley, Robin is messing with the grip on it. He unwinds the grip and he sees a slogan emblazoned in it. And it says this: "Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions." And it's pretty obvious when you hear that, but later in the film we learned that sort of just means never give up. And that's another key point in Crucible Leadership. We've done an entire podcast series on resilience about keeping bouncing back. It's never too late to allow the crucibles of our lives to season and motivate us to a life of significance. Resilience is critical to not only recovering from a crucible, but living a life of significance afterwards. And that's a lesson that Robin Longstride, as this movie plays out, certainly learns, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

It really is. And we'll see, later on here in the movie, even the broader significance of that phrase, "Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions." Yes, absolutely. On one level it means perseverance and you never give up, but on another level, on an expanded level, the question is, never give up about what? And basically what Robin Longstride's father is saying, "Your life should be in service of others." It should be, as we say, in Crucible leadership, a life of significance. A life dedicated on purpose to serving others. When his dad is saying, "Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions." Until the common people have strength, have justice, will be another way of putting it. So never give up, but make sure your life's purpose, your life cause, is a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. That was Robin's legacy, as we'll see later, but there's a lot of just deep meaning behind the words on the hilt of that sword.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And just so you know, I also wore a t-shirt with a lion on it today because I knew that was coming.




Warwick Fairfax:

Awesome.




Gary Schneeberger:

I always dress for the part in costume. So that was a pretty significant, and not heavy beat, but that was a definite important point to let sit with listeners. And let's do that, and do what they do at movies sometimes, especially long epic movies. They take an intermission. And so, let's take an intermission in our discussion of Robin Hood and Robin Hoods, as they appear on film for our series here, Lights, Cameras, Crucibles. And let's talk about... You and I both have on the list of the 75 Robin Hood versions that are out there, you and I both have favorites or some that have more meaningful to us. For you, it's... Well, explain what it was for you. What's your kind of one that really tugs at your heart?




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, in the sixties and seventies growing up, there was this black and white English TV series called Robin Hood. I think it ran in the UK and in the US maybe like '55, '56, through '59. It wasn't really a campy version, but back in those years, it certainly wasn't gritty. And it starred Richard Green as Robin Hood, and every episode was him battling the Sheriff of Nottingham and Prince John, fighting for the oppressed. You had his love interest Maid Marian who back then, as in the traditional version, she was in the court of Prince John, Sheriff of Nottingham. And she would basically get the scuttlebutt, and pass it on to Robin Hood. "Hey, something's coming down, you better..." Like a spy in the court, so nobody kind of knew.




Warwick Fairfax:

And yeah, it's not really a gritty Robin Hood, but it's just this classic series. A little bit like the black and white version of Zorro in the sixties with Guy Williams, similar kind of TV series. It was somewhat serious, but it wasn't gritty. And it was the underdog, I mean, Zorro's somewhat similar in that sense. An aristocrat who's fighting for the oppressed. Somewhat similar beats, but yeah, it was just a fun series and I loved it. Had a...




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, I was going to say, and there's one of the reasons why you loved it, and fifties TV shows in particular were good at this, and that was the series theme song. I think of the Lone Ranger had a great theme song, and Zorro had a great theme song. And this particular Robin Hood series in the fifties had a great theme song, and we're going to let listeners hear it right now.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, does that bring back warm memories for you, Warwick, when you hear that theme song?




Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, it does. I love that opening scene where you see Robin Hood pull back the bow and the swish of the arrow as it hits the tree. And then, the ending theme tune, which was over the credits. And just that line, I won't sing it. You just heard the music, but it says, "Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the glen. Robin Hood, Robin Hood with his band of men. Feared by the bad, loved by the good. Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Robin Hood." I mean, that's iconic, mythic stuff. It's no wonder that Robin Hood is this amazing figure, both in the silver screen, as well as in TV series. It's such a wonderful character.




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, and my special Robin Hood story is a little bit different. It's the 1964 musical film, Robin and the Seven Hoods. Get it? Robin and the Seven Hoods. It's a play on words, but it stars Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr. It's one of their rat pack films, and I love it. And I actually know a bit about it because I just wrote about it in my new book, Frank Sinatra on the Big Screen, the Singer as Actor and Filmmaker. The thing about that movie that was so great is, it was a great conceit that they set up. Frank Sinatra, who plays Robbo, and his merry men, who are all his kind of associated hoods, are good natured hoods in prohibition era Chicago. This whole idea of taking from the rich and giving to the poor turns into kind of this PR stunt that Robin does, where he raises money for a charity to help disadvantaged kids.




Gary Schneeberger:

And at first, it starts out as he just wants to do it as PR because, "Oh, look at Robbo!" Because he wants to get ahead of Guy Gisbourne, played by Peter Falk, who just steals the movie. He wants to make sure he can stay a step ahead of him in the battle for who's going to control the city's illegal liquor. Not often a phrase you hear with Robin Hood, by the way, illegal liquor, but that's true in Robin and the Seven Hoods. Even in that movie, which is a comedy, which is a musical, has some great moments in it. It's got Sinatra singing, which is everything. Bing Crosby plays Alan-a-Dale, one of Robin Hood's merry men. In this movie, he comes alongside as kind of the accountant to Robbo to keep track of all these donations that are coming in for the kids.




Gary Schneeberger:

But there's a great scene in that movie, that's musical, as well, that speaks to this idea of taking from those who have, and giving to those who don't, and about building character. Bing Crosby sings a song to these orphan children as they're going to bed. It's like a bedtime... Not a lullaby, but a bedtime kind of "Okay, quick, go to bed now." Song. And again, it speaks to this spirit of the character that we're talking about. And that song, we'll play a little bit for you right here. It's called, Don't Be a Do Badder.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now all day, I am going to be in my head singing, "Don't be a do badder, a do badder." Cause that's one of the only songs I've ever heard that has a rhyme for step ladder in it, but there it is. So, there's our intermission. Intermission is over. I just thought we'd do that to kind of give you a feel for one of the things we want this series to be, is informational and inspirational, but also fun. And hopefully, Warwick, kind of recalling his days of watching Robin Hood on TV, and me snapping my fingers to Don't Be a Do Badder makes you smile. Going back to Robin Hood 2010 with Russell Crowe, he returns to England. He's got the sword. He's going to return it to Sir Walter Locksley. And when he gets there, he meets Sir Walter and Sir Walter's daughter-in-law, Lady Marian.




Gary Schneeberger:

So this is Robert's wife, now widow, though she doesn't know it quite yet. And he ultimately pretends to be Sir Robert, at the urging of Sir Walter. So Sir Walter says, "Okay, things are kind of unstable here. We need some stability. We need to have the people who are trying to oppress us to believe that my son has come home." So Robin Longstride impersonates Robert Locksley when he is back in England because they need a man of grit and strength to help them survive kind of what's happening back home in England. As that beat plays out, how does that feel for you as Robin begins to step into a different identity than he's known? And I think that's a nice bridge to what ends up being his life of significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

We have opportunities in life, in which you make a choice just to follow our own path and the sense of do what we want to do, but not in a good sense, just, "Hey, I want to do it because it's just about me. I don't care about anybody else." But we have opportunities in which we can decide, "Okay, is life more than me? Maybe I need to serve my fellow man, my fellow men and women." And in this case, Sir Walter Locksley, who's I think in his eighties at the time, he's pretty much blind. He knows that without an heir, that everything will be taken away by King John and the Sheriff of Nottingham.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so he says, "Look, for the moment... My son is dead. I want you..." It's 10 years later in the crusades, 10 years is a long time. He was young when he left. "I want you to play my son." And Robin does that, not for his own glory. It's like, "This old man needs me. He's going to tell me more about my father and about the sword." He doesn't get the full story yet. "And if I can help Sir Walter Locksley and Marian, and the people in the village around Nottingham, then I will."




Warwick Fairfax:

So it wasn't about glory, it was about serving other people and helping to fight oppression. Cause if he doesn't take that up, it's going to mean all those people that live in that village are going to be ripe for oppression and persecution by King John and his henchmen. So this is what Robin's thinking, "Okay. If I don't do this, bad things will happen to regular folks. So, what am I going to do?" He says, "Well, if I need to play this guy for the sake of protecting people, then I will." It is a noble decision, in the best sense of that word.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I love this discussion because we've used the word noble in different contexts several times. And it truly is. There's the nobility of position, which is not what Robin's after. There's the nobility of character that he exhibits over and over and over again. The next big scene you heard, listener, we played it at the outset of the show, is when Robin does learn the truth about his own father. It's told to him by Sir Walter, and it's a moment, and I'll let Warwick give the details of it because he understands this stuff a little better than I do. But in that moment, Robin receives something we talk about often at Crucible Leadership, and that is a legacy. He learns some things that his father left behind, ideas and actions that inspired citizens when his father was alive, and can inspire them again. And so Warwick, what is it? Unpack that clip that we played at the outset of what Sir Walter tells Robin and what he learns about his dad and why that's so meaningful.




Warwick Fairfax:

So in the clip, we see Robin with his father around the stone monument in the center of a town. And what he learns from Sir Walter Locksley, is that Robin's father, he was a stone mason, which is a noble profession. You got to be very skilled, but as noble as that profession is, he was more than a stone mason. He's told that his father was a visionary, a philosopher. In one sense, although they don't use that word, he was really revolutionary, in the best sense of that word. When he wrote those words, "Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions." On that stone, he was really talking about the concept of freedom, of liberty, is what he was really talking about.




Warwick Fairfax:

Sir Walter Locksley says, "We took up his call for the rights from baron to serf." In other words, from noble, to just the regular person, to anybody. One of the things that Robin's father was doing, was organizing a charter. And there were names on that charter with people who really wanted to fight that everybody would have rights, would have liberty. And he was executed because Robin's father would not give up the names on that charter. One of them was, indeed, Sir Walter Locksley, and some other characters that we see.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's important to say, because we said earlier, Robin believed, for his whole adult life, and his youthful life after age six, he believed his father abandoned him. And one of the things that's going on in this scene, is he realizes, not only did his father not abandon him, but his father lived a noble life in the sense of noble character.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. And we always talk about, you can't inherit a legacy. This is one exception in which Robin, in a sense, did. We would see that this legacy of fighting for the oppressed, of fighting for liberty, even before Robin knew his father's full legacy, that's who he was. In some sense, I don't know if it was inherited or it was just innate, or learnt, but in this sense, it's one thing inheriting some family business legacy, but a legacy in terms of standing up for the oppressed and for freedom and liberty, that's a powerful legacy. That'll be a harder thing to say, "Well, okay, Dad, Mom, I know you were for liberty, and freedom, but ah, I'm not really into that." It really, in a sense, his father's legacy, was a legacy of significance, of living a life on purpose helping others. All of us, if we are so blessed to have that legacy from our parents, that's a legacy.




Warwick Fairfax:

And that may mean different things for us, but that legacy of serving others, a life of significance, and that was the legacy he inherited, which I'm sure as he fully understood it, I'm sure it meant the world to Robin. My dad was a great man. He died to keep the names of those who wanted to fight for freedom and for rights out of the hands of the wicked rulers at the time. So that's just so powerful, that legacy that Robin realized, "My dad was a revolutionary, a philosopher, a visionary, a champion of the oppressed. That's my dad?" He'd had no clue before. I mean, that is just an incredible scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

To the point of whether he inherited the legacy, you can't inherit a vision, you can't inherit a legacy. I don't know that he inherited as much as he continued it, meaning he'd already, as you just indicated, and we've been talking about, Robin had already been living a life of significance. His arrow, no pun intended, was pointed toward a life of significance. So when he learns this, that gives him a chance to adopt that thing that his father was doing and add that to his quiver. Again, I keep making puns about arrows, but he gets to add that aspect of what his father was doing to the quiver that he has of his life of significance of helping people. As he picked up that mantle that his father had established and that was interrupted by his being murdered, as he picks up that mantle, Warwick, there's something pretty significant that happens in the movie, and then just kind of in the arc of history. Unpack that a little bit for listeners.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, there's a great scene where sort of the origin of the Magna Carta happens, which has been an inspiration for Britain and indeed the United States, this concept of liberty that happened in the Magna Carta, which we see a bit in this movie. And so, what happens after Robin hears about his heritage, at some point after that from Sir Walter Locksley, basically Sir Walter Locksley has been sent a message that Northern barons are gathering. Gottfried, we see in the movie, is plotting to create a civil war so that the Northern barons will attack King John. And while they're at each other's throats in some massive civil war, along will come, I believe it's King Philip of France, and invade England and take it over. So, this is all part of a plot deliberately.




Warwick Fairfax:

So basically, Walter is too old, and so he sends Robin in his place to represent him. In fact, he says to Robin, "Come at the hour, come at the man." Which I'm sure we've all heard before, a great phrase. So here he goes to, in the movie, Barnsdale. He passes that very monument that we saw in that clip, it's actually in the town, where they're going to have this discussion about the Magna Carta and the Charter, at least in the movie anyway. So he sees that, and it's, again, he's sort of hit between the eyes, thunder struck, if you will, and is like, "Wow, I'm going to this big meeting. And those words are ringing in my ears. Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions." Then Robin gives this unbelievable speech in which he says, in front of King John and the other nobles, "Can I say something?" Well, they think of him as Sir Robert of Locksley. They don't really know who he is.




Warwick Fairfax:

So he is a noble, every noble has the right to speak in this meeting. And so he says to the people and the king, the following. He says, "If you are trying to build for the future, you must set your foundation strong. The laws of this land enslave people to its king. A king who demands loyalty, but offers nothing in return. I have marched to Palestine and back, and I know in tyranny lies only failure. You build a country like you build a cathedral, from the ground up. Empower every man and you, the king, will gain strength. If your majesty were to offer justice in the form of a charter of liberties, allow every man to forage for his half, to be safe from conviction without cause, or prison without charge, to work, eat, work at the sweat of your brow, to be as merry as you can, the king will be great. Not only will he receive the loyalty of his people, but their love, as well."




Warwick Fairfax:

And King John kind of scarfs at this a bit. Eventually Robin says, "What would have your majesty as liberty, liberty by law?" Well, at that point, King John is between a rock and a hard place. He knows the French are about to attack. He knows if the nobles are divided, he'll lose. So in the movie, he grudgingly says, "Sure, I'll sign this charter." Or "I'll sign the charter once we win." Later in the movie, we find he rips it up. In real life, it is true that the Magna Carta, which was in Runnymede, south of England, near Windsor, was something that was drawn up that really did reclaim rights. It's grown to mythic proportions.




Warwick Fairfax:

Later on, and certainly in the eyes of the founders of the United States, one of their inspirations was the Magna Carta. And as they saw it, which is a little bit mythic about Robin Hood, they saw the Magna Carta as guaranteeing the rights to every person to trial by jury. So a little bit expanded perhaps, originally it was more about the rights of nobles, but it took on mythic proportions. So in the sense, back to Robin Longstride, here he gives this speech, and really, he's inheriting his father's mantel about the charter, and now the Magna Carta. It's almost the same legacy, in a sense. And here he is, at least in this mythic portrayal, he's in this key moment where the Magna Carta is drawn up, that will influence democracies around the world for centuries, including influencing the very forming of the United States.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, talk about a legacy of significance. You are at a place where you are advocating for liberty and freedom against tyranny that will affect countries all over the world for hundreds of years and for generations. I mean, not many of us will have that kind of life of significance. But Robin wasn't thinking that, he's thinking, "Look, if we don't do something, France is going to conquer this country. We've got to unite people. And I want to fight for freedom and liberty." So he's not thinking about the big legacy picture, he's just thinking, "Look, something needs to be done here. We need to be united and we need to use this opportunity to fight for freedom and liberty." It's an incredible scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

We talk a lot at Beyond the Crucible and Crucible Leadership about the power of just taking one small step toward your goal. And as I think back over what we've just talked about for the last hour or so, Robin Longstride's life, that we've just unpacked, is a series of one small steps. Step one, he tells King Richard the truth about what he feels about the Crusades. He has the courage to do that, where no one else does. Step two, he agrees, even though he doesn't really know Robert Locksley, to take the sword that Robert Locksley had taken from his father and caused some estrangement there, he agrees to take that back to England and give it to his father. He steps into the role of Robert Locksley when Robert Locksley's father asks him to do so, to help bring some stability and some strength to what is turning into a very bad situation for the people of England when he gets back there.




Gary Schneeberger:

He takes this small step of speaking in the meeting where they're talking about this charter. And then, he takes, for him, was probably a small step, but not a small step in the movie, in that he takes a leading role. The next step he takes toward his life of significance is a leading role in the turning away of the French forces when they try to lay siege to England. And ultimately, preserving the freedom of England, not to be under France's rule. That's, again, another step he took to do that by fighting on the front lines to get that accomplished. Fascinating, isn't it? How his life is a series... What we just talked about, is a series of small steps that lead to a life of significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

It really is. I mean, that's one of the last scenes of the movie, the battle scenes. It's sort of epic when all the forces in England unite. The nobles may not like King John, but they don't want to be overtaken by France. So, the greater enemy is the important one. And they're probably skeptical that John will live up to the charter, but one lives in hope. But meanwhile, the greater enemy is France. So here they are, they come to this cliff, and there's this great scene where one of the key honorable figures in English nobility, man that by the name of Marshall, who's fighting for justice. He leads the cavalry on the beach and Robin leads the archers on the cliff, and the archers rain down all of these arrows on the French forces.




Warwick Fairfax:

And as the French king is in his ship about to send his forces in, he says, "Well, this doesn't look like a country at war with itself. This looks like you're united."I mean, as French would say, "Mon Dieu." Which is, "My God." I don't know if he says that in the movie, but it's the kind of thing a Frenchman would say at that point. It's like, "Uh-oh." Would be the rough English translation, "I'm in trouble."




Warwick Fairfax:

Obviously, as you see the movie, the English forces win, they turn back the French. The evil English slash Frenchman henchman Gottfried gets killed by an arrow in an incredible shot by Robin. But one of the sad things, as we sort of wind up the movie, I think King John maybe asked Marshall, this good noble, "Who are they cheering for?" And it's like, "They're cheering for Robin." I don't know if everybody realized, he's just a regular guy. He's a regular guy that helps have a massive role in saving England from the French. Well, as we'll see, King John is not a noble of character and he doesn't like it when a person he discovers to be this regular guy is cheered for. So yes, the adulation that the troops give Robin, as we'll see, prove to be his undoing. No fault of Robin's, but King John is not one to play second fiddle, unfortunately.




Gary Schneeberger:

No. And as you have indicated, he tears up the charter and he declares Robin an outlaw. And what's beautiful about that, from the perspective of what we've been talking about in terms of the Robin Hood legend, is this truly has been an origin story. You realize at that moment, when the Sheriff of Nottingham is going to hang a sign saying that Robin's an outlaw. And he asks, "I need a nail." Next thing that happens, an arrow splits his fingers, doesn't go through his fingers, but it goes in between his fingers, and nails it to the tree. And that is the launching of Robin Hood as this figure who will take from the comfortable and the oppressors and give to the oppressed. And that's when you kind of realize as a movie goer, was kind of a fun scene. It's like, "Oh, what I've been watching was a complete origin story." Just like how Spider-Man becomes Spider-Man, or Batman becomes Batman.




Gary Schneeberger:

It's a film, it's a movie length origin story, backstory that tells how Robin Hood becomes Robin Hood. And there's lots of lessons to learn along the way that we can kind of put in our pockets as we begin to move out from our origin story and to pursue our life of significance, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. What's fascinating about this ending of the Robin Hood movie with Russell Crowe, is it's not really a happy ending. He helps to create what would become the Magna Carta. It was ripped up at the moment, but it did come to live on in English history and world history. He becomes an outlaw. Why? Well, because he helps save his country and King John didn't like the adulation. He was jealous. And so, because of all the good he did, the good he did proved his undoing. So one of the lessons in life, is sometimes when you do good, other people get jealous and they don't like it. So just because you live a life of significance and want to defend the oppressed and fight for liberty, it doesn't always work out well. There's not always a happy ending.




Warwick Fairfax:

In this sense, it's not a happy ending. But my sense, as we see the closing scenes of the movie, where Robin is in, what one would assume, is Sherwood Forest, with Marian. They're happy with the outlaws and protecting the oppressed. I doubt that they bear a grudge, but it's sort of a sad ending between the traditional one, like a 1938 version of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn. King Richard comes back from the Crusades, and all is well. He gets the girl, Marian, he gets his titles back and all is good.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, life isn't always like a fairytale. And in some sense, is this more realistic? Maybe. But he lives his life of significance. He lives his convictions, whether or not fame or fortune comes to him. And in the end, fame and fortune do not come to him. He is on the run from the evil King John, but yet I'm sure if you asked him, "Do you regret what you did? Do you regret saving England from the French? Do you regret upholding your father's charter? Do you regret fighting for liberty and freedom?" He'd say, "No. I may die, but I will have lived a life that I feel like I, and those who know me, can be proud of." So, it's a great story.




Gary Schneeberger:

And in the context of this series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, where we're talking about movie heroes, it's not an uncommon ending to a story. Think of Spider-Man, who we're going to talk about next week. Spider-Man is a character who a lot of people think, especially the publisher of the Daily Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson, thinks he's a villain, doesn't think he's a good guy. The Hulk isn't thought of as a hero. A lot of the heroes that we have talked about, and will talk about, Batman, he's a vigilante. He's a bad guy. There is a little bit of that. And I think from the perspective of Robin Hood, or some of these other heroes that I've just talked about, that idea of being not a happy ending, not being able to rest, I think that fuels them to continue their life of significance in some way.




Gary Schneeberger:

And they probably look at that as... I mean, Robin Hood's life of significance is to defend the oppressed. And when you defend the oppressed, those doing the oppressing are going to be after you. So I think, he probably welcomes that in some way. That allows him to keep on keeping on in his life of significance. So as we wrap up here, Warwick, what's the last, of all the things that we've talked about, pull the balloon strings together, and let listeners know what's the chief learning, maybe, from Robin Hood.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, there's probably a couple, but I love the fact that Robin is living his father's legacy, but yet it's his own legacy of fighting for the oppressed, fighting for the rights of men and women for liberty, equality. Giving people, whether they be noble or serf, as his father puts it, equal rights. When you live your whole life, and that's your life of significance, in a sense, it doesn't get any better than that. That's a wonderful legacy to be living. But realize, as you live your life as significance, sometimes things will go well for you, but sometimes, it won't lead to fame and fortune, nor will you always be seen as the hero. Sometimes you'll be vilified. Certainly the oppressed like Robin Hood, but the nobility who he was upsetting the apple cart, not so much.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so, you've got to live your life of significance, not so much because of what other people think, but what you think in your inner core, what lines up with your own spirituality and faith and values. So a life of significance, it's not a popularity contest. It's meant to be something that's rooted in your inner values, be it fame, fortune, be it approval, or condemnation, it's living what you believe in the service of a greater cause and service of others. That's what a life of significance should be, and really, Robin Hood models that so well.




Gary Schneeberger:

I'd say that the plane has landed, but we've been talking about arrows, so the arrow has found its mark, Warwick. We have wrapped another episode of Beyond the Crucible's special summer series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles. And next week, I've said it a couple times already, but next week, if you want to do a little homework, not homework, a little bit of fun, watch a movie with your family, enjoy it. We're going to be talking about Spider-man next week. And the movie that we're going to drill in on most is the first one with Tobey Maguire. It was just called Spider-man. So that's the one that we're going to drill in, but there's a lot of iterations to talk about. So really, any Spider-Man movie you want to pop in, we're probably going to be able to touch on that when we have our conversation.




Gary Schneeberger:

So until that time happens next week, listener, thank you for spending time with us on this episode. And please remember that we do understand how painful crucible experiences are. We know it's difficult, we know it can knock the wind out of your sails, and it can change the trajectory of your life, but we also know that crucibles aren't the end of your story. When you learn the lessons of them, when you apply those lessons, as you move forward to a life of significance, that journey can take you to the greatest chapter of the greatest story of your life. Why? Because where it leads you to is a life of significance.

The life we learn with … and the life we live with after that. Those words come from THE NATURAL, the film we discuss on this week’s episode of our summer series LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us About Overcoming Setbacks and Failure. It’s hard to think of a better way to express the truths we try to share each week on this show: offering hope and practical action steps to learn the lessons of your crucibles in order to chart a course to a life of significance.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Iris Gaines:

You're so good now.




Roy Hobbs:

I could have been better. I could have broke every record in the book.




Iris Gaines:

And then?




Roy Hobbs:

And then, when I walked down the street, people would've looked and they would've said, "There goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was in this game."




Iris Gaines:

Now I believe we have two lives.




Roy Hobbs:

What do you mean?




Iris Gaines:

Life we learn with and the life we live with after that.




Gary Schneeberger:

The life we learn with and the life we live with after that. It's hard to think of a better way to express the truths we try to share each week on this show, offering hope and practical action steps to learn the lessons of your crucibles in order to chart a course to a life of significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. That clip you just heard is from The Natural, the 1984 movie that Warwick and I discuss this week on episode three of our special summer series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, what our favorite movie heroes can teach us about overcoming setbacks and failure.




Gary Schneeberger:

It's one of the best baseball movies ever made, but that's just one reason we're dropping this episode on the day of the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. We're covering it in this series because it's a rousing story of the redemption of its hero, the other worldly, talented ballplayer, Roy Hobbs, and how he learns that talent alone is insufficient if we want to live lives on purpose dedicated to serving others.




Gary Schneeberger:

For that, we need to sharpen our character, as well as our skills, and surround ourselves with those who believe in us and challenge us on our journey to making our vision a reality no matter how long it might take.




Gary Schneeberger:

We are in the midst of a summer series that we're doing called, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, what your favorite movie heroes can teach you about overcoming setback and failure. And this week after the first two weeks, we talked about Captain America, week one. We talked about Batman, week two, from Marvel to DC. Now we're moving out of superheroes all together.




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, no, at least costume superheroes. Perhaps, uniformed superheroes this time. We're going to talk about the 1984 film, The Natural, starring Robert Redford as the quintessential unbelievable baseball player who is Roy Hobbs.




Gary Schneeberger:

We've already talked a little bit, Warwick, before we hit record here about some of the things that we want to talk about. I mean, this is a movie we both love a lot. You've loved this movie for quite a bit of time I believe, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. It's funny as you say, this came out in 1984. I was living in New York City at the time. It's in my Chase Man Bank days before I went to Harvard Business School three years before I did my own takeover, if you will, $2B plus of Fairfax Media.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, I've always loved stories and movies about redemption. And this is a movie all about redemption. So, little did I know how much need I'd have of redemption in 1984. We'll talk about foreshadowing. This foreshadowed some redemption I would dearly need after my failed take over. But this was three years before it happened.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, I loved the movie when I saw it in New York City. And it's been one of my all-time favorite movies ever since, because of just this sense of redemption that Roy Hobbs goes through.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I am indeed wearing Roy Hobbs's jersey. And while I'm righthanded, not lefthanded, I did indeed bring a baseball and a glove to our recording because of course you do. I have a New York Knights hat and a New York Knights jersey. There, so as you can see is the lightning bolt, which we'll talk more about. We'll talk more about all of this, listener. Just in case anybody wants to play catch while we're doing this show, I've got a glove right here where we can do that.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, talking about The Natural, let's level set this for listeners, Warwick. It's the story I said earlier of the man who wore this jersey, number nine on the back, Roy Hobbs. And Roy Hobbs is a lot of things.




Gary Schneeberger:

But for the purposes of starting our discussion, we'll say that Roy Hobbs is a man who makes some poor choices sometimes, has some really difficult, challenging, almost certainly life-threatening things happened to him. He struggles as a young man with confidence and maybe some holes in his character.




Gary Schneeberger:

But the overarching theme why we're talking about Roy Hobbs on this series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, about how you can learn lessons from movie heroes to overcome your own crucibles is because Roy Hobbs is someone who becomes a hero, who gets included in this summer series because he learns the lessons of his setbacks and his failures, and even those stumbles and missteps that he took. That's a pretty fair, big picture assessment of who we're talking about today, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, Roy Hobbs, as many of us do as a teenager, makes some poor choices that have as we'll see life-altering consequences. And he does learn the lessons. One of the hardest things as we'll see that he has to overcome is he is unsparing of himself. He just crucifies himself for the mistakes he made.




Warwick Fairfax:

And there are many of us out there, myself included with my own crucible in which I was as hard on myself in the mistakes I made as anybody. And so, for many of us, the mistake is one thing, owning up to it is one thing, but forgiving yourself and moving beyond your mistakes, it's for many of us just forgiving yourself at just mind numbing what we believe is horrendously stupid, poor decisions, it's tough.




Warwick Fairfax:

That's almost one of the toughest frontiers for many of us is even if others will forgive us, and not everybody will, forgiving ourselves, my gosh, that's so hard. And if you don't do that, you don't move on, the life significance won't happen. So, that's one of the key beats of the story of Roy Hobbs as we'll see.




Gary Schneeberger:

When you watch the movie, The Natural, that's the first picture we get of Roy Hobbs, right? We first see him and he is at a train station and he's got a thousand-yard stare in his eyes. He's very quiet of both body and face. He looks weary by life. It's clear that this is a man who knows his way around crucibles. This is a man who's not had an easy life.




Gary Schneeberger:

We don't know what those crucibles were. We don't know what caused them, but we know that he's a man who's heavy-laden. That look, that sense that Roy Hobbs has lived a difficult existence up until the point we meet him as viewers continues when he's on the train. We don't know where he is going, but we know he's going there with a heavy heart in many ways.




Gary Schneeberger:

But he does what a lot of us do. And this is our first inkling into who Roy Hobbs really is is he does what a lot of us do when we're feeling a little weary, when we're feeling heavy-hearted, when we're feeling lost or depressed, or looking for direction.




Gary Schneeberger:

Roy Hobbs on that train begins to dream of the things that he loves. And what he loves, where his mind takes him back to, is his love of baseball. And the first time we see Roy as a young boy that he thinks back on, he's playing baseball with his dad on the family farm. Not only is he having a good time doing it, but based on what we see, Roy's a pretty good baseball player.




Gary Schneeberger:

Roy's someone who... the name of the film is The Natural because Roy appears to have some pretty great natural talent. And he exhibits that while his dad paints a strike zone on the fence of the family farm and Roy pitches it and he blows a hole in the fence. That's a kid who's got a pretty good fastball, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. There are some young people that, whether it's baseball, football, whatever the sport is, tennis, they could almost play anything they want to and they're fantastic. I remember Bo Jackson as some will remember was a standout baseball player.




Warwick Fairfax:

Many top athletes, they go play golf and they're a two or three handicap max. And golf's not their main sport, but they're just so gifted. Roy Hobbs was one of those people, one of those kids that had, you would almost say, this God-given talent. It was off the charts.




Gary Schneeberger:

And what's interesting about that, and it's a great segue into one of the first crucible leadership moments that comes out of this movie, that a spotlight is really shown on a lot of key principles of crucible leadership in the movie, The Natural. But the first one comes right after Roy breaks that fence with his fastball.




Gary Schneeberger:

His dad who is playing with him and also coaching him says to him, "You've got a gift, Roy, but it's not enough. You've got to develop it. You rely too much on your own gift and you'll fail." And the truth of that, right, is something that we talk about on Crucible Leadership all the time and Beyond the Crucible all the time.




Gary Schneeberger:

Our roads back from crucibles and our roads to lives of significance require our gifts and talents for sure, but they also require lifelong learning in the areas where we want to have that impact and in our own character and authenticity. That's what Roy Hobbs's dad is trying to tell him, "You can't just rely on your natural gifts. You have to develop them." And as we say in Beyond the Crucible, you have to learn from the experiences that life hands you. Fair?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I'm reminded. It just came to mind. There's this saying in Greek mythology, there's Greek Gods, Zeus, Athena, all those. They would say something like, "Who the gods would bring down, they would first favor."




Warwick Fairfax:

Basically, the notion is it's really hard when you're incredibly gifted. And life is easy at least in the sense for Roy. He's so good at baseball. It's like how can he miss? Everybody talks about the sure thing, right? He's got this.




Warwick Fairfax:

But very often you'll see in sports, people that are so talented as teenagers, they never really make it later on in whatever the sport is because they don't have the grit, the resilience, the determination because it's all so easy. And there are other athletes who don't have as much raw talent, but they have the determination, the grit, the staying power.




Warwick Fairfax:

Sometimes great gifts can be a curse at such a young age. It feels like you don't have to work for it. Hitting a homerun, that's easy. Hitting a fastball or throwing a fastball for a strike that nobody can hit, that's not a tough thing. So, sometimes having great gifts can be a crucible because you take it for granted and you don't do what Roy's dad says. You don't develop it.




Warwick Fairfax:

The sad thing is sometimes it takes some hard knocks to fully understand I guess how profound that comment that Roy's dad said. I don't think Roy understood what his dad was saying. Sadly, he would understand it in the years to come.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he understands it a little bit a lot in the next scene in the film. After playing catch with his boy, Mr. Hobbs has a heart attack on the family farm and dies, as Roy watches him die. Roy has actually very sweet scene. Roy is laying on his dad's chest while his dad passes away. And that's his first real crucible that we see.




Gary Schneeberger:

Here's this kid who has all the talent in the world it looks like, who is probably dreaming, as young boys do if they're good at sports, of a career doing that. And then, the one person who could make sure he followed that advice to not rest on his laurels, to not just camp on his talent, but to develop that talent, is gone. Roy loses his rudder in that moment. And it doesn't take long for him to veer off course we learn pretty quickly after that.




Gary Schneeberger:

Interesting scene happens before we get to see Roy struggling in the early days of his young life when he's a teenager in early twenties, lightning. There's a storm the night his dad dies. And lightning strikes this big tree on the family farm. Roy's looking at his window. He watches the tree go down when the lightning hits it.




Gary Schneeberger:

He salvages some wood from that tree and he makes a baseball bat from it. He burns with one of those wood burners. He burns the word Wonderboy on it. We wonder, is that a nickname that he's gotten from being such a good baseball player because he's growing up as a young boy? But Roy burns Wonderboy on that bat. And he puts a lightning bolt in it.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's another crucible leadership I think, Warwick, in that is that when something is destroyed like the family tree was, something beautiful and special and helpful to our journey forward can be built from it if we put in the work. I don't think young Roy Hobbs, 10-year-old, 12-year-old Roy Hobbs understands that when he is doing it, but I think he comes to understand that as time goes on.




Gary Schneeberger:

He takes that tree that is knocked down. That was devastating because the tree probably meant something to him the way that he reacts when it goes down. He takes what was broken and he makes something of it that's not only beautiful that he comes to treasure, but ends up helping him on his journey to a life of significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean, this is really another example of some foreshadowing of Roy is going to go through some really tough trials, I don't want to say worse, but in some sense, even almost worse than losing his dad. But out of just some of the devastation and the pain, something beautiful can happen in a sense if we allow.




Warwick Fairfax:

You're very smart to bring that up just the way his whole bat, Wonderboy, is created. Out of pain can come purpose, can come redemption, and that was to happen in Roy Hobbs's life. So, it's really an early foreshadowing of using pain for a purpose that would come about.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And we'll talk more about it. One of the things I loved about this movie, even before we decided today or in 2022 that we're going to do a podcast series on it, I've loved it since it first came out because there's a lot of really great moving foreshadowing. And that's exactly one of those moments that you talk about.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, the movie then flashes forward a few years and a teenage Roy. And you have to suspend disbelief a little bit sometimes in hero movies because Robert Redford was in his forties and he's playing a teenager. So, they shoot him through a lot of fuzzy lenses, right? But you have to believe that's the case that 40 something year old Robert Redford's a teenager in these scenes, 18, 19, something like that.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he's kept playing baseball through the years because he's about to go to Chicago for a tryout with of course the greatest team in the history of baseball, the Chicago Cubs. As a family of Chicago Cubs, there's my Cubs wristwatch right there.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, he's got to be good if a pro team wants to take a look at him. And he meets before he heads off on the train that night with the girl next door. She's the proverbial girl next door in movies like this. And he tells her, "I've got to reach for the best that is in me." That's what he says to Iris, this girl next door whom he loves.




Gary Schneeberger:

He's trying to live up to dad's exhortation, right? "I've got to reach for the best that's in me as I head off on this journey." He and Iris then share... they sleep together. She's his girl and he's going off. And what we come to learn pretty quickly, he's going off with perhaps a little naivety, certainly with not a lot of experience. And some things happen to him on that train trip that will forever alter his life, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. You've got this young Roy Hobbs, 18, 19. He's could be one of the greatest pitchers in baseball. And it's ironic that he meets... I think you mentioned The Whammer, this Babe Ruth figure who started off as a pitcher and became a hitter. Another bit of foreshadowing of Roy Hobbs. But it seems like he's got the world before him. And what could go wrong? It's an eerie time as he's heading on that train to Chicago.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. As you said, I hadn't mentioned it yet, but you've introduced The Whammer. The Whammer is Babe Ruth, right? They can't use Babe Ruth's name in the movie I guess, so they call him The Whammer. And he is the Major League Baseball's homerun king. And he's obviously modeled after Babe Ruth. This scene right now takes place in the early 1920s. And Babe Ruth was already by that time known as The Sultan of Swat in Major League Baseball.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, Roy's got an agent, this kindly old man who's accompanying him on the train. And they meet up not only with The Whammer, but also with a sports writer named Max Mercy, deliciously, devilishly played by Robert Duvall who's one of my favorite actors.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's some jawwing going back and forth between Max Mercy and Roy's agent. And basically, his agent who doesn't really have a lot of money bets Max Mercy 10 bucks that Roy Hobbs, this kid on the train, can strike out The Whammer on just three pitches. Well, that seems like an easy bet for someone like Max Mercy when you're talking about a guy who's Babe Ruth, right? That superhuman feats in the sport of baseball.




Gary Schneeberger:

Just three pitches. If one of them goes outside the strike zone, bets off, you lose, agent. If The Whammer fouls one off on the third pitch that's over to anything that's not a strike ends the bet. Three pitched balls. So, they gather to do this. The train has a water stop. They gather. They're there.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's a wonderful scene, which Roy is pitching to The Whammer. And it shows, on those three pitches, the first one gets Max Mercy to back up. He's the umpire. He's like, "Whoa, okay, this kid could be wild." He's like, "Can't believe how fast he throws."




Gary Schneeberger:

The Whammer swings and misses at the second pitch after the first one is really fast and surprises everybody. And then, the third pitch comes and The Whammer swings and misses that. Roy Hobbs strikes out the greatest player in baseball.




Gary Schneeberger:

And something interesting happens at that moment speaking about foreshadowing. There's a woman on the train. Her name's Harriet Bird. We don't know really anything about her, except she's pretty in a big city way. Roy's a boy from the farms of Iowa.




Gary Schneeberger:

The Whammer is trying to impress her with his rings and all his talent. And so, she's walking around with him. And we don't really know why, except she's attracted to the power and the prestige that's in him is what we think. But when that pitch...




Gary Schneeberger:

Two things happen when that third strike comes. The director, Barry Levinson, does a great job of filming Robert Redford as Roy Hobbs throwing the pitch in slow motion. And behind him, the sun is setting, right? I don't think that's an accident. I think that's the director's way of saying, "Even at this moment where it should be the start of this ascension into baseball stardom, the sun's setting on Roy Hobbs in some way."




Gary Schneeberger:

And the next thing that we see too is Harriet Bird, this beautiful somewhat mysterious woman, she's watching The Whammer. She's been all impressed with The Whammer. All of a sudden, Roy strikes the Whammer out and we watched her gaze go from hitter to pitcher. Her eyes are on Roy.




Gary Schneeberger:

And speaking of foreshadowing, what ends up happening to Roy? He meets with her in the dining car even though he has a girl back home. He's young. He's intrigued by this sophisticated woman. He meets her in her hotel room. Something happens to him when he's there that changes his life forever.




Gary Schneeberger:

He walks up into the room and she says to him, "Roy, who has said all along, 'I'm going to be the...'" Even at 18, 19 years old believes he's going to be the best whoever played the game. People will look at him and say, "There goes Roy Hobbs, the best who ever played this game. He's got that talent."




Gary Schneeberger:

And she asks him, wearing a veil, strange as she's outside her room, "Are you going to be the best who ever played the game, Roy?" And he says, "Yes." And then, she pulls out a gun, or she has a gun. She pulls up the gun, fires and shoots him in the stomach area.




Gary Schneeberger:

And then, later after that, they cut to the window of her floor in the hotel room. And the wind's blowing in, clearly indicating that she jumped out of the window. That's a shocking scene to see, but there was some foreshadowing on the train that indicates what Harriet Bird might have been up to, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

I think there's some conversation with some folks on the train basically about, there are a couple other folks that were killed, maybe a boxer, football player. She's turns out that she's this serial killer psychopath that looks for athletes to kill.




Warwick Fairfax:

Now, Roy wasn't to know that, but if you have eyes to see, she looked like trouble. She had that dark quality. She's almost like the dark angel. And we'll see there's an angel of light later on, but they both say similar things, which is eerie in one sense.




Warwick Fairfax:

They have a conversation about, "Are you going to be the best there is?" And he says, "Yes." And Harriet says, "Is that all there is, being the best in baseball? Is that all there is?" And Roy is non-plussed and says, "Well, what else is there?" And she almost laughs at him at a condescending way and says, "Don't you know?"




Warwick Fairfax:

She views him as this priceless, naive young kid when he says, "Can I see you?" And she said, "Oh, you're precious." She's really messed up. But in some ways in her own, screwed up psychopathic way, she finds him endearing.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, she's like a spider. He was drawn right into the web by his naivety, useful arrogance, exuberance, and maybe his moral foundations of letting his girl, Iris, down, or not fully moored and he gets sucked right into the psychopath and pays a terrible price.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that terrible price, again, he doesn't die because the next thing we see is on the screen that says, "Sixteen years later." and we flash forward in Roy Hobbs's life. And 16 years later, he shows up at the park of the New York Knights who are, at the moment we meet them, the worst team in Major League Baseball, certainly in the national league of Major League Baseball.




Gary Schneeberger:

Roy comes there. We come to learn pretty quickly, he's not a pitcher anymore. We don't know exactly why, but we're left. It's pretty obvious assumption that being shot in the stomach took away his ability to throw fastballs the way he could throw. But he's a hitter now. And he was playing semi-pro ball.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the Knights scouts signed him. And that should be the start, right? That should be the start however delayed of his dreams coming true, but it turns it into another crucible for Roy. The manager of that club, Pop Fisher, great baseball name by the way. Pop Fisher. Come on, couldn't have been better.




Gary Schneeberger:

Pop Fisher refuses to play him. He won't even let him take batting practice even though the Knights are truly terrible and could... I mean, it's not going to make them worse. They need a shot in the arm. We come to learn that there're complex forces going on to make the Knights lose.




Gary Schneeberger:

The Judge, that's all we know him by is the Judge, he's the partner that Pop, the manager, had to take on in ownership. Pop has owned also has owned the club. He had to take him on as a partner. And the Judge will get the team all to himself if the Knights fail to win the pennant.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, Pop thinks signing an old rookie like Hobbs. And Hobbs is supposed to be in his mid to late thirties by this time, certainly older than most rookies start playing baseball. Pop thinks this might be the Judge's ploy to get the team to not win the pennant so that Pop loses the team and the Judge gets it.




Gary Schneeberger:

And then, there are other impediments to the Knights' success that are slowly revealed in this section of the film, impediments to the Knights' success. One is a gambler named Gus, played again with just a joyful malevolence by Darren McGavin, and his moll, Memo Paris played by Kim Bassinger.




Gary Schneeberger:

Gus's job is to weasel his way into getting the players to throw games, payoffs, date Memo, do things like that. They throw games. Her job is to distract the players from the goal at hand, which is winning baseball games. But then, something happens that opens the door for Roy to get on the field.




Gary Schneeberger:

The Knights' best player, Bump Bailey, who has been dating Memo and he's been throwing games pretty clearly, he starts to pick it up because Pop threatens he's going to play Hobbs if Bump doesn't get better.




Gary Schneeberger:

Bump starts playing better. He ends up dying in an on-field accident when he runs through the fence. And that leads to Roy finally getting on the field. And it allows him to start living his dream of being the best there ever was in this game. From the moment he gets in games, exciting things start happening, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, it's funny. There's all sorts of twists and turns. We learn that the Judge tells their scout, "Make sure you find people that are hopeless that will guarantee the team will lose." Because if the team loses, then he gets control of the whole team.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so later on, when Roy starts doing well, he says, "What is the deal here? You were meant to find people that were guaranteed to help us lose." "I found some has-been in the middle of nowhere in his mid to late thirties. I did my level best to do what you told me, Judge."




Warwick Fairfax:

So, sometimes in this case, the Judge's own malevolence works against him. And Roy Hobbs gets a second chance when he shouldn't have. Any sane person wouldn't have given a second chance, but he got a second chance just because they wanted to guarantee the team lost. So, the joke's on the Judge there.




Warwick Fairfax:

But again, eerie foreshadowing with Bump Bailey. It seemed like whoever Memo gets involved with, whether it's deliberately or not deliberately, they don't do well. She's like the kiss of death in terms of your ability to play well. So, happens to Bump Bailey, but obviously Roy doesn't see that. But he gets his chance. And after a long time, 15, 16 years, he begins to play well. So, it does seem like life is finally on the up and up for Roy.




Gary Schneeberger:

And playing well is an understatement. I mean, Roy is truly a revelation on the baseball field as a hitter. He's quickly making the news reels. Remember this is 1939. That's the season that this all happens now when Roy takes the field.




Gary Schneeberger:

And kids love him. When he first gets in the game, right, one of the first things he does is he... you've heard the expression, "Knock the cover off the ball." He knocks the cover off the ball, right? It starts raining and he knocks the cover off the ball. That is how great he is.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I haven't shared this with you before now, Warwick, because I want to see how you react to this. But in that montage scene where Roy has just taking it to Major League Baseball and just playing better than anyone has ever played before, there's a scene of baseball cards rolling off a printing press.




Gary Schneeberger:

And this is one of those cards. This was one of the prop cards that rolled down that was created for the movie. That's Roy Hobbs right there. But there's a back of the card. Now, the back of the card, like any baseball card on the back, it lists statistics and career achievements.




Gary Schneeberger:

And here's the statistics that Roy Hobbs puts together in 1939. He played 72 games. Remember, he comes in the middle of the season when the Knights are doing poorly. He has 307 at-bats, 171 hits, 42 doubles, 13 triples, 51 homeruns in 72 games, and 307 at-bats with 106 RBIs. His bat in average, .557.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now, I did some number crunching here. The greatest players in baseball history, the most prolific homerun hitters in real-life Major League Baseball history, Babe Ruth averaged in one season about 8 at bats for every homerun.




Gary Schneeberger:

What this computes to if he stepped to the plate 307 times and hit 51 homeruns, Roy Hobbs hit a homerun every six times he came to the plate. He is better than anybody. Truly, he is the best who ever played the game. This covers everything about Roy's career. It's fascinating that they actually put numbers to that. And that's who he is. I mean, what's your reaction to that? Batting .557 and hits a homerun every six times he came to the plate?




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, you would know better than I, but has anybody else ever batted 557 in the season?




Gary Schneeberger:

No.




Warwick Fairfax:

Again, you know baseball more than I do, but the guy, the Boston Red Sox-




Gary Schneeberger:

Ed Williams?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Well, he was 400 and you think, "Oh, you're 400. You're incredible, but it's very, very few." I mean, if that season was representative, he truly would've been the best there ever was. Nobody would touch that. That's an incredible card. And those statistics just paint the picture of The Natural. He was the best there ever was.




Gary Schneeberger:

But then, some things happened in the film that indicate that perhaps Roy hasn't completely learned the lesson of his crucible. He begins dating Memo, the gambler's sidekick who helps him get players to throw games or to get distracted.




Gary Schneeberger:

And in doing that, he begins to go into a very bad slump. We hearken back, I think back, Warwick, in this case to what his dad said to him when he was young, "Talent's not enough. You have to work at it. You have to make it. You have to build on it. You have to continue to get better. Talent isn't enough. Natural talent isn't enough."




Gary Schneeberger:

And I think it's a key crucible leadership principle what we see here when Roy begins dating Memo, gets distracted and begins to slump and the team starts to lose again. And that's this, don't lose sight of your mission. Don't allow distractions to cause you to drift from it or it can feed more crucibles.




Gary Schneeberger:

Roy Hobbs has stopped living his life on purpose when he begins to date Memo. He's living it distracted. And it takes success and the potential for significance away from him at least for a time.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's a pretty good analysis of what happens in that section of the movie where he's caught up again with the flashy beautiful woman. It's mission drift in some sense, right? It pulls him away from his single-minded desire over those 16 years and the years before that when he was a kid to be the best there ever was.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's so true, Gary. In a sense, he has the crucible of success up until the time that he starts dating Memo. You quoted the stats of the amount of homeruns he's going to hit in the season over 50 and batting average over 500.




Warwick Fairfax:

The problem is when you have that kind of success... and I'm sure the papers were saying, "Where's this guy come from? He's incredible. He's better than anybody." You've got all these kids wanting him to sign his autograph, baseball cards.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's hard to withstand that level of adulation and success that Roy Hobbs had at that point in the season and before he started dating Memo. So then, success begins to erode your judgment. And in a sense, Memo is maybe not a foreshadowing, but the reverse of what Harriet Bird was who was the dark angel, if you will, an evil person. Anybody who's a psychopath, run arounds killing people, to me is pretty close to the definition of evil.




Warwick Fairfax:

Memo wasn't quite at that level, but clearly her motives as somebody that was on the payroll of this gambler guy, Gus. And if she didn't play ball, so to speak, the nice apartment, the money would all be gone. So, she pretty much did whatever he told her to do, "Distract Roy Hobbs. Get in a relationship with him." "Okay, boss." Off she goes. But she was in a sense a similar type, although not quite as bad, if you will, as Harriet Bird.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so, your point is, why didn't Roy see that? He would later on as we'll get to, but he didn't at this point. He got distracted, starts sleeping with her. And you have an eerie scene as they're about to go up to her room in which he bumps into Pop Fisher, the manager of the Knights who happens to be Memo's uncle. And he says, "Look, I love her, but don't get messed up with her because bad things will happen."




Warwick Fairfax:

This is before he dated her. Before he slept with her or anything, Pop Fisher knew. "Look, I may love my niece, but she's trouble. Stay away from trouble." He's not that young anymore, but he doesn't listen to very wise advice. And so, he just walks into that crucible and bad things happen and his game suffers.




Warwick Fairfax:

But you would think he would learn by now, stay clear of trouble, especially when you've been given a heads up, but he's too headstrong and too caught up with success. He hasn't learned the lessons from that crucible. He just can't see it.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Pulling back from talking about movie heroes, that's something that can affect any of us, right, the idea that... we use the phrase, "It's not one-and-done." a lot and it's usually about forgiveness or about something like that. Learning the lesson and applying the lessons of your crucible is not one-and-done either. I mean, you can get it right 50 times. That doesn't mean you're going to get it right to 51st time.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I think there's a lesson for all of us, not in a baseball context, but in a life context that Roy Hobbs has blind spots and he chases some things that aren't good for him. The allure of an attractive cosmopolitan woman proves too much to resist. All of us have the ability to fall back into patterns even if we've "conquered" them 50 times before or five times before. True? I mean, it's never a one-and-done.




Warwick Fairfax:

I think really what this illustrates is whether you're an athlete, you're good at finance, the arts, whatever your gifting is, you cannot see all of your self-esteem wrapped up in your gifting, which in a sense what was the biggest mistake of Roy Hobbs in a sense is, certainly one of the top ones, having his whole self-image wrapped up in his gifting.




Warwick Fairfax:

Nothing wrong enjoying baseball or whatever you do, but he had his self-image wrapped up in that. As he was refining his craft of batting and before pitching, the aspect of his life that he was not crafting, he was not in the batting cage, if you will, of character. He wasn't refining his character, his humility, his self-awareness.




Warwick Fairfax:

If he was trying to focus on his humility, his character, I think he may well have seen Memo coming. And people of character listen to good advice like Pop Fisher, his manager, but he didn't. So, he was good in baseball, but his batting average in terms of his character, that wasn't over 500. That may have been right less than 100. He was not working on it.




Warwick Fairfax:

And because of his lack of ability to hone his character, his humility, his self-awareness, he went through in some case self-imposed crucibles, first one when he was a young kid. One could debate that. But Memo, she was trouble.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's an interesting point to make. The movie's called The Natural. And it's true you can be a "natural" in some things in your life, and you can have blind spots and trip and fall, and hit crucibles in other aspects of your life.




Gary Schneeberger:

We've talked about being the GOAT. GOAT syndrome. You can be the GOAT in certain things. You can be the natural in certain things, but that doesn't mean that you don't have blind spots in other areas of your life that can truly cause you some crucibles. And the key to overcoming that is to learn the lessons of those crucibles and apply them.




Gary Schneeberger:

And here's the good news about the movie, The Natural. Roy Hobbs learns the lessons of his crucible. It's a key pivotal person and moment in doing that. You made reference earlier on, Warwick, to a white angel to compliment or counterbalance the dark angel that was Harriet, the woman who shot him. And that's when his young love, Iris, reenters his life.




Gary Schneeberger:

She does that when the Knights travel to where she lives in Chicago. And they begin to rekindle their relationship as a friendship. She says she has this son. Her son loves baseball and is a huge fan of Roy's. She attends a game when he's still going through his slump.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he has two strikes on him. And when that happens, she stands up in the crowd. She's got a big hat on and people are yelling at her to sit down because they can't see. But again, there's a setting sun behind her. She's illuminated. And Roy senses something because he hits a game winning homerun. His slump ends right there.




Gary Schneeberger:

Iris, his first love, stands up. He senses something is different. Something's going on with two strikes on him. One of his 51 homeruns that year goes sailing out of the park and the Knights start another winning streak. That scene to me is one of the most beautiful scenes in the film. Back lit, she's all lit up. Her white hat, it gives me tingles even to talk about it now. Pivotal scene though for sure.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean, if Harriet Bird was the angel of darkness, Iris was the angel of light. And because it's a movie, imagery is so important. She's wearing this beautiful white dress and white hat. And her hat is just glimmering in the sun. It is almost like a halo. I mean, she is meant to be not just his long-lost love, but just an angel of light.




Warwick Fairfax:

As again, we talked about Star Wars, the force versus darkness and the empire. When you turn towards the light, whatever that means for you and your belief system and philosophy, good things happen. You turn towards darkness, bad things like crucible happens. It sounds simplistic, but most major philosophies and religions, that is really a key part of civilization for thousands and thousands of years.




Warwick Fairfax:

There are the forces of good and the forces of evil. And your life is better when you turn to the forces of good. Sounds simplistic, but life is tough and you get tempted by success, fame, a lot of other things in life. And so, here's a moment where this angel of light begins to come into his life and things get better. A lesson to be learned here.




Gary Schneeberger:

And there's a great crucible leadership principle when Roy asks her later why she stood up. Why at the game did she stand up when he had two strikes on him? And she says this to him, "I didn't want to see you fail." That is a critical crucible leadership truth.




Gary Schneeberger:

We need the support of others who believe in us to help us move beyond our setbacks and failures. And that's what reenters his life and sets him now on the path toward true significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

We talk a lot about surrounding himself with a team of fellow travelers. As many athletes do, you can surround yourself with an entourage. People will want to get some of the money, some of the gravy, some of the crumbs that fall off you. And maybe they'll get a few thousand here or there, which if you're making hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars as top athletes do, they can throw out a few thousand like it's a $1 bill.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so, there are some out there that they only want to be around us for the fame and the success. As soon as that fame goes, they're out of here. They're gone. Those aren't fellow travelers. Those aren't the team you want to be. Those aren't the teammates you want to have.




Warwick Fairfax:

Iris is different. When she says she doesn't want to see him fail, it's not because oh, somehow, she'll get more money or whatever. She believes in who he is. She loves him, believes in him. She wants the best for him, not because of anything that he can do for her. She wants to help him just out of the goodness and purity of her heart. Those are the kind of people you want to surround yourself with, the Irises of this world.




Warwick Fairfax:

Too many of us surround ourselves with, be it male or female, the Harriets and Memos. It's easy to say, "Oh, that's not me." Really? You've never had somebody in your life that maybe you made a poor choice, be it in high school or elsewhere, maybe a business partner? Many of us have made poor choices of who we surrounded ourselves with. Iris is the kind of person you do want to be on your team, you do want to have in your camp.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that relationship, having Iris back in his life, is critical to Roy's moving past his crucibles that come as the movie begins its march to its climax. He's hospitalized after Memo poisons him to keep him from leading the team to victory in the pennant.




Gary Schneeberger:

After Iris stands up, the team starts winning again. They're on the precipice of winning the pennant. If they win the pennant, Pop Fisher gets the team all by himself and the Judge is out. So, Memo, undoubtedly under the auspices of Gus, poisons him.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it ends up with Roy in the hospital for three days because the silver bullet that's still inside him that he was shot with by Harriet is eroding away his stomach lining. The doctor tells him he's got to quit playing baseball or his stomach could literally blow apart.




Gary Schneeberger:

The Judge shows up in his hotel room with $20,000 in an envelope and offers it as a bribe to ensure that the team loses, to ensure Roy doesn't go back and play. And then, another visit in the hospital.




Gary Schneeberger:

And Warwick, this is the moment, a slice of that we played at the top of the show, a clip of Iris's visit to the hospital, where they have this conversation where they talk about some really important and really meaningful things that helped Roy overcome both the crucibles of his past and the crucibles of his present.




Gary Schneeberger:

At one point we heard in the clip at the top of the show, he says, "Some mistakes, I guess we never stop paying for." He is at the end of his resilience rope, but she refuses to let him stay there. She tells him, "I believe we have two lives, the life we learn with and the one we live with after that."




Gary Schneeberger:

I've heard that line and I've watched the movie like 25 times in my life. When I heard that line as I was screening the film for this discussion, it struck me as, "That's pure crucible leadership. That's learn the lessons of your crucible and apply them. That's it didn't happen to you. It happened for you. That's from our greatest pain comes our greatest purpose."




Gary Schneeberger:

It's as if Iris Lemon co-created Crucible Leadership with you by saying that line. It's just so pivotal to everything we talk about on this show and in Crucible Leadership, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, it's one of my... maybe it is my favorite scene in the movie. We all need people like Iris in our camp. I mean, here he is. He realizes the mistake he's made. I think later on it will be even clearer about who Memo is. But I think at that point, he realizes the mistakes. And he's just in just self-flagellation mode. Some mistakes, we never stop paying for.




Warwick Fairfax:

He says to her, "I didn't see it coming." In other words, Harriet Bird. "I should have." He's like, "I should have seen it. I should have seen it." And maybe you should have, but when you're young, sometimes you don't see things when you're young and naive and headstrong in your own success.




Warwick Fairfax:

And Iris says, "But you were so young. It's like you were young." In other words, "Okay. Yes, you made a mistake, but you've got to forgive yourself. You've got to cut yourself some slack. You've got to move on."




Warwick Fairfax:

And he's just haunted by this idea that, "I could've been the best there ever was. I could've walked down my hometown and people would've said, 'There goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was.' I could have broken every record in the book." And that's when she talks about, "We have two lives, the life we learn with and life we live after that."




Warwick Fairfax:

And she's like, "Okay, you could have broken all these records. Well, so what?" I mean, she says it nicely. And then, she ends with really not even a drop, but a dollop of grace. Because I think he realizes at that point, "This season's probably going to be it." His stomach is not in good shape and they pull out silver bullets.




Warwick Fairfax:

She says to him, "Think of all the young boys, all the young kids you've inspired. You are so successful now, and success in the sense of significance. Look at who you've inspired." So, she's trying to lift him up. "And so, don't worry about being the best there ever was. Don't worry about all the records you won't maybe be able to achieve."




Warwick Fairfax:

So, she really is his angel of light that's really helping to produce some character formation. Roy has been batted. He needs a bit of grace and love and character formation to understand what life is about. It's not about records and stats and homeruns. It's about how you treat people. It's your character. It's living a life on purpose, dedicated serving others as we define a life of significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

She is really his muse, his advocate for what life is about and really a life of significance. It's such a pivotal scene because she's speaking really truth to him, really crucible leadership philosophy, if you will. It's not about records. It's about living your life in service to others. It's a great scene. And that's why we need people like Iris in our lives. They advocate and help us be the people that we always hoped and wished we would be at a heart of hearts.




Gary Schneeberger:

And while in the past in this movie and earlier instances, Roy doesn't quite grasp the lesson of a crucible or the advice of a loved one in the same way that he grasps baseball's the same way that he hits fastballs.




Gary Schneeberger:

But in this case, in the very next scene, he grasps because he goes to the Judge's office with that $20,000 that the Judge had given him to just lay in bed and not play the next day to ensure that the Knights would lose and not win the pennant. He shows up to the Judge's office. He's got the $20,000. He wants to give it back.




Gary Schneeberger:

Memo is there. Gus is there. All the conspiracy folks who are out to end his efforts to win the pennant and to achieve significance, they're all there. And that's a pretty moving scene too, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

It really is. And basically, Memo, I think I said earlier, if we want to have a relationship, you can't play. If you play, we're done. I mean, she is following orders from Gus and ultimately the Judge. And it's like, "I'm playing. This may be my last game, but I'm playing. I don't know if we'll win or lose, but I'm going to give it my all."




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, she can't stand that. He is defying her. He's defying the Judge and Gus. And so, she gets a gun out, fires it somewhere, fortunately not at him. He looks at her, takes the gun away from her and says in a moving sad, almost chilling note, "You're right, Memo, we have met before." And that really hearkens back.




Warwick Fairfax:

As we watched the movie, we know he is talking about Harriet Bird. Maybe Memo isn't quite at that level of psychopathic serial killer, but she's not a force for good in his life.




Warwick Fairfax:

And at that point, maybe he's learning the lesson from what Iris has told him a short time before and it crystallizes in his mind, "People like Memo, they're not good for me. They bring me down. They erode my character. They do the opposite of helping me live a life of significance. They lead me down a path leading a dark life that hurts me and hurts others."




Warwick Fairfax:

All of that was crystallized I think in that scene, in that moment, when she shot the gun. At that point, he actually clearly did listen to Iris's advice and was living it out. It's a great scene.




Gary Schneeberger:

And Roy of course does play, right? He does get out of bed. He does play. Spoiler alert, the Knights win the pennant. Pop wins sole control of the team. To be the hero, Roy must first have the inspiration Iris gives him by passing him a note while he's on the bench that her son is his son too. He's the father of her child. He also must survive.




Gary Schneeberger:

And this is where the train speeds toward the conclusion of The Natural. He has to survive a whole bunch of last-minute crucibles. First one, Wonderboy is broken. He fouls a ball away and he breaks his bat, this bat that has fueled his record setting season. Probably to him... baseball players, sports athletes are very superstitious. And, "Oh my gosh, my bat that I made from a felled tree in my yard that was hit by lightning, it's gone. What do I do?"




Gary Schneeberger:

Interesting side light, the bat is replaced by the very sweet and very shy and very quiet bat boy for the Knights named Bobby Savoy, who earlier in the movie, Roy teaches him how to make a bat. That was the first flash of the life of significance, Roy pouring into somebody.




Gary Schneeberger:

Bobby Savoy makes this bat. So, he gives his bat, the Savoy Special, to Roy. So, that's what Roy goes up to the plate with, with a strike on him. Then the Pittsburgh Pirates, who they're playing for this one game playoff to get in the world series to win the pennant, they bring out...




Gary Schneeberger:

Basically, to win the game Roy's got to beat his younger self, right? Because the guy that the Pirates bring up to pitch is a young farm boy, blonde-haired, lefthanded pitcher who throws the fastest ball in the league. It's who Roy Hobbs was going to be if he hadn't been shot by Harriet Bird. He's got to defeat himself in a sense. He's got to overcome his demons in a sense to get that victory.




Gary Schneeberger:

And then, as if that's not enough, with two strikes on him, his side starts bleeding from where the damage that the bullet caused. And it shows up on his jersey. Blood shows up on his jersey. I know there's a point you wanted to make about when the blood does show up and how the catcher reacts Warwick.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, I mean, I think maybe the direction have been quite timed at... the visual was right, but at least at first, I thought it looked like the catchers thought that there was blood on his jersey and gives the signs and pitch it inside, which maybe would be harder to hit. But didn't quite get the thinking of the scene right.




Warwick Fairfax:

But it would seem like for all the world, even if it was after the sign, the catcher's thinking, "This guy's done. I can see blood. There is no way this guy's going to be able to hit anything." But he was proven to be wrong.




Gary Schneeberger:

Indeed. And the very next pitch that comes in, listener, Roy Hobbs hits a game-winning homerun that goes up into the light stanchions in the stadium, blows them up. And it's like celebratory fireworks falling down on the field. It is one of the most rousing scenes in my motion picture history of the movies I like.




Gary Schneeberger:

Just to give you an idea of what that moment's like, we're going to play just the audio on the audio version here of the podcast of what that sounded like. And you'll recognize instantly the music of The Natural. And if you don't feel a little tingle or want to stand up and applaud when you hear this, you should because I do. Here's the ultimate moment from The Natural.




Gary Schneeberger:

I need to stop here, Warwick, just to say one thing about my own youthful Natural moment. I haven't told you this before. But I'm not older than 20 years old. I'm probably 19 or 20 years old. I'm playing city league softball in my hometown. It's a night game and the lights are on.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now, I hit a foul ball. It's not even a fair ball. It's not a homerun. I hit a foul ball that goes into the lights and they start to spark. I felt like Roy Hobbs. My teammates called me Roy for the rest of the game even though it was a foul ball.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have no idea if the rest of that bat I made an out, I got a hit. I have no idea if I knocked in a run. I have no idea of anything. But my memory going on 35, 40 years since that moment, I still remember how it felt to hit that ball to have it hit that light array, and then for sparks to fly out. And immediately, everybody, there's 11 people in the stands, and they're all like, "Ooh." I mean, I still feel a tingle about that moment because that is the deep impact.




Gary Schneeberger:

We talked about these crucible moments and how to extract crucible moments in this series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles. We're pulling out principles that will help you overcome your own crucibles. But the reason that we're doing it in movies is because let's not forget, let's not lose sight of the fact that movies move us. Movies stick with us.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that I share that experience not to say, "Hey, I hit a foul ball and I made the lights spark." I say that to say that movie so moved me, that when I did something that was nowhere near what Roy Hobbs did, I guarantee I didn't bat .557 that year, but just that foul ball and the lights coming out to be called Roy Hobbs and to have that moment still sticks with me.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. It's like you had your Roy Hobbs moment. It's like, "Okay, maybe I'm not Roy Hobbs, but for one at-bat, for one moment, maybe just a little bit, maybe I'm channeling a little bit of Roy Hobbs within me that sense of just that wonderful magical moment."




Warwick Fairfax:

It's a tremendous scene. And we'll get to maybe the last scene after that here in a bit, but it was such a redemptive moment. It wasn't just about himself. because as we said earlier, if the Knights were to win the pennant, then Pop Fisher would get to own the team and be able to buy out the Judge. If they lost, then it would be all the Judge's team.




Warwick Fairfax:

And Roy Hobbs knew that. He knew he wasn't just playing for himself. He wanted to do whatever he could to help Pop Fisher own the team and get the frankly, evil Judge if you will out of the picture. So, it's a wonderful moment. He's beat up. It probably is going to be the last at-bat he's ever going to have as far as we know.




Warwick Fairfax:

And there is this sense of redemption, some grace. And in the stands after he hits the ball, you just see Iris and it's just joyful tears of thanksgiving and pride. And she's just so happy for Roy because she knows how much it means to him. She knows it's probably going to be his last at-bat. She's just filled with joy for him.




Warwick Fairfax:

Again, we want people like Iris who, when we have our Roy Hobbs moments, which isn't all the time, again would be just cheering us and just having tears in their eyes because they're so happy for us. It's a wonderful redemptive moment that wasn't just about him. It was for his team. And especially, it was for Pop Fisher. And so, there was some lot of...




Warwick Fairfax:

At that point, I honestly believe, I don't know that we fully know, that Roy Hobbs wasn't doing it all for himself and the records, that there was a higher purpose behind that hit, if that makes sense.




Gary Schneeberger:

Absolutely. And it's funny Warwick, you said, it's probably his last at-bat. We don't know. We do know. Here's that baseball card that I had and it has the narrative of Roy Hobbs's career. And this is what it says about the moment that we just talked about.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, he was badly hurt, but he famously hit the game-winning homerun in the ninth, a homerun that crashed into the lights, sending sparkles everywhere. This is what it says after that, "Roy Hobbs never played again." So, we do know according to this card, the Knights without Hobbs were swept easily by the Yankees in the World Series.




Gary Schneeberger:

Hobbs's uniform, which he actually bled through, is on display at the Baseball Hall of Fame, as is his Wonderboy bat. Why that doesn't make me sad when I read that they lost the world series is if... there's an earlier scene in the movie where Pop's like, "I don't even care about the series. I just want to win the pennant." Because by winning the pennant, Pop gets to keep the team all to himself and the Judge is out.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, the fact that without Roy, they didn't win a game. They lost all four games to the Yankees. I mean, boo the Yankees because I'm not a Yankees fan. But that still ends it on a great note. And here's the last bit. Hobbs moved back to Sabotac Valley, that town in Iowa, and married Iris Lemon where they lived out their quiet lives.




Gary Schneeberger:

People who had seen him play insist that if he could have stayed healthy, Roy Hobbs would've been the greatest player in the history of the game. He was a natural. That last scene that you referred to, Warwick, is a scene that hearkens back to the beginning of the movie. There's catch being played in a farm field and Roy's playing catch again. But this time, Roy's the dad who's playing catch with his son.




Gary Schneeberger:

And the camera cuts to... I mean, he's smiling. His son is running through the field. He's smiling. And they cut to Iris and she's smiling. And that is the life of significance that Roy Hobbs didn't realize was on the other side of the greatest of all time, the best there ever was in this game. The true life of significance is what he and Iris and their boy lived out over, we don't know how many more years, but clearly, they lived it out and they were happy.




Warwick Fairfax:

So well said. I mean, in a sense, the movie has come full circle. It started with Roy pitching to his beloved dad, and now he's pitching to his son. And there's nothing wrong with being successful in baseball, football, the arts, business, but true success is not about numbers, whether it's RBIs, homeruns, money in the bank account, houses, whatever record it is.




Warwick Fairfax:

True success is often simpler. It's defined by your character, how you treat people. It's throwing catch to your kid. It's being there at their dance recitals, at their baseball games. It's family. It's every bit as significant is just what you pour into your family. And I think Roy realized he loved baseball and that's great, but you don't want to be owned by records or owned by something.




Warwick Fairfax:

He realized with Iris's help that much as he loved baseball, there was more to life than records, more to life even than baseball. We don't know, but I think in some sense, he probably came to some sort of peace about life. It didn't turn out the way that maybe he wanted it to or thought it could be, but he has his beloved Iris, his wife. He's there with his son that he didn't know he had.




Warwick Fairfax:

And one thinks he probably had a pretty good life and he accepted what had happened. He learned from his crucibles and realized there's more to life than numbers and records, and RBIs and homeruns. It's those around you.




Warwick Fairfax:

Life of significance is measured in ways that are not just about numbers. They're measured in character and those that we love and give back to. So, it was just a beautiful scene at the end that really hearkens back to what a life of significance really is.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that, listener, is the time of the show. I'm not going to land a plane, come on. I'm going to catch the final out right there. Game's over. As we do with every episode of this series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles, we want to leave you with a point of reflection about the movie that we've talked about today and the hero we've talked about today, The Natural and Roy Hobbs.




Gary Schneeberger:

And what Warwick and I want to direct your attention is to Wonderboy, Roy's bat. That was the bat he fashioned from a felled tree destroyed by lightning. Roy Hobbs was able to make something special and beautiful and helpful to his pursuit of a life of significance from something that was lost and destroyed.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, ask yourself this, what are the potential Wonderboys in your life? Where can you create beauty from ashes? Be it something physical or something emotional. Where has the train gone off the tracks? And you can put it back and create something out of your pain with new purpose that helps you lead a life of significance and leave a legacy.




Gary Schneeberger:

What's your Wonderboy? We'll leave you with that question. And we'll leave you with this. Again, it's not homework. It's, take some time if you want to be on track with us next week when we talk about the next hero in our series, and that is Robin Hood.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now, we're going to do it in a couple of ways. So, Warwick is a big fan. And so, initially, we were going to focus only on the Russell Crowe real Robin Hood story, but then Warrick said, "Let's weave in some stuff from the Errol Flynn Robin Hood too." So, we're going to get both of those movies. So, Robin Hood is the next hero that we're going to talk about on Lights, Camera, Crucibles.




Gary Schneeberger:

And until that next time, listener. Remember, we know your crucibles are tough. Sometimes, they can be your fault. Sometimes, you can have a hand in them. Roy Hobbs certainly had a hand in some of his with some poor decisions he made. But even those crucibles are not the end of your story.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's certainly not a reason to, as Warwick has said many times, stay in bed with the covers over your head to self-flagellation all the time. You can move beyond them. You can forgive yourself. You can forgive others. Others can forgive you.




Gary Schneeberger:

You can work your way through those things in the same way that Roy Hobbs worked through them with some good people who supported him and had his best interest at heart around him. And he moved beyond those crucibles, and he ended up in a life of significance. And that's what can happen for you too.




Gary Schneeberger:

Your crucible experiences can be the launching off point for the best story of your life. As difficult as they may be in the story you're living right now, you can learn the lessons from them. You can catapult yourself to an ending that's just like Roy Hobbs had an ending because it ends at, like it did for him, a life of significance.

We say often on the show that crucibles don’t happen to us, they happen for us. And in this second episode of our special summer series, LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us About Overcoming Setbacks and Failure, we examine that truth as played out in the story of Batman. It’s a powerful tale about how Bruce Wayne did not let the unimaginable trauma of seeing his parents murdered when he was a boy keep him from a life of significance. He found purpose in his pain by training his body and his mind to strike fear into the hearts of those who would prey on the innocent. And if you think he does it as a lone vigilante … well, you just might change your mind after listening.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Eddie:

I'm getting out of here, man.




Nick:

Hey, shut up, man. Listen to me. There ain't no bat.




Eddie:

Yeah. Well, you shouldn't have turned the gun on that kid, man. You shouldn't have turned the gun on that-




Nick:

Hey, you want your cut of this money or not? Now, shut up, shut up.




Nick:

Don't kill me. Don't kill me, man. Don't kill me. Don't kill me, man.




Batman:

I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.




Nick:

What are you?




Batman:

I'm Batman.




Gary Schneeberger:

We say often on the show that crucibles don't happen to us, they happen for us. And in this second episode of our special summer series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us About Overcoming Setbacks and Failure, we examine that truth as played out in the story of Batman. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. There have been no shortage of films through the years about Gotham City's Dark Knight. You might even say there have been a lot of bats in the cinematic belfry but Warwick and I spend most of our time this week discussing Batman 1989, starring Michael Keaton, who you just heard in that clip. It's a powerful story about how Bruce Wayne did not let the unimaginable trauma of seeing his parents murdered when he was a boy, keep him from a life of significance. He found purpose in his pain by training his body and his mind to strike fear into the hearts of those who would prey on the innocent. And if you think he does it as a lone vigilante, well, keep listening. You might just change your mind.




Gary Schneeberger:

I don't know when you got into Batman first or became aware of Batman first, Warwick. For me, it was as a kid. I would come home from school and that old sixties TV show starring Adam West, which is a bit campy but fun for kids, that was always on television, and I watched that with religious fervor when I was a kid. In fact, last week, when we were talking about Captain America, you made reference to kind of your own love of heroes and how that came to be. I was such a superhero geek. I have pictures of me with a birthday cake when I'm like six months old, a year old with Batman on the cake. That's what a geek I was.




Gary Schneeberger:

My brother, who's 14 years older than me, my brother, Dean, still makes fun of me because I used to call the little toys I had of Batman, I used to call them bendy men because they had like bendable things on them. So he still will ask me, because he sees things like this guy right here, who doesn't bend, but he'll see things that I have in my superhero memorabilia collection and ask if they're bendy men. So that's where my bonafides to be part of this series and my excitement comes from, but what was your first introduction to Batman that you can remember?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's the same as for you. I mean, in Australia, we had three commercial networks, channel nine, seven and 10, and so, they were all looking for content. So, a lot of our programming was the same as the US. So we absolutely, in the sixties, had the Batman TV series and growing up in the sixties and seventies, like you, I loved it, and we'll talk about this. In a sense, I could identify with Bruce Wayne growing up in this wealthy background, and yeah, I wasn't exactly Batman at night or during the day or whatever, and I didn't go into the layer of the Riddler or the Joker, and as you remember, whenever Adam West went in there, they always turned the camera like at a diagonal. So you had to-




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

Turn your head left to sort of follow it. Every time he hit somebody, it would get like bam, pow, and there'd be like little cartoon animation, but I mean, I guess it was campy, but growing up then, you didn't think about that as a kid. You've got this good guy who is fighting evil and he's heroic and has Robin beside him and Commissioner Gordon and the whole thing. So yeah, I loved that TV series and have been a fan of Batman and his heroic deeds ever since.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the things that is a touch point for a lot of folks of a certain age and even today, because it's on reruns on some cable networks, that is a common reference point, that TV show from the sixties, of a lot of folks when it comes to the Batman character. But that wasn't the first filmed entertainment of the Batman character. In fact, the first filmed entertainment was on the big screen, was on the movie screen and that was in 1943, just four years after the character was created in 1939 in Detective Comics, now called DC comics. They did those, if you remember, Warwick, those film serials that they would run. They would run them before the feature, not that you saw them because they were in the forties, but the concept is familiar.




Gary Schneeberger:

They would run these cliff hanger things. The Indiana Jones movies were kind of based off that, the rhythms of those old serials where there'd be like a self-contained half an hour and then the hero would be in danger at the end and you'd have to come back next week to see if he survived. But there were two of those, one in 1943 on Batman and Robin, and then they did another one in 1949. So, that was the cinematic birth, if you will, of Batman. But if you've been paying attention to the culture, listener, you know that one nor the sixties TV show were the last iterations of Batman that have made an impact on culture. You might say there's been a lot of bats in the cinematic belfry when it comes to Batman because in 1989, and that's going to be the focus of what we talk about mostly here is the 1989 film Batman starring Michael Keaton, which was kind of the birth of modern day superhero movies.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yes, I was a big fan of Superman back in 1978, but that was a little bit more ... They had a little bit of camp to it, but there was humor involved. Lex Luthor, the bad guy played by gene Hackman, was a little funny and there wasn't a lot of explosions and stunts and those kind of things going on in that movie. But Batman 1989 really brought that home. A film starring Michael Keaton and directed by Tim Burton, had a real cinematic flare to it and that really kicked off the modern superhero craze that we now see all the time where the top, any given year at the box office, right, seven of the top 10 movies are going to be superhero films. That's just the way it's been for the last couple of decades.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, Michael Keaton plays Batman in two movies, in 89. He comes back in Batman Returns, nicely titled. Then he leaves the role. Val Kilmer takes it over for Batman Forever. And then George Clooney takes it over in Batman and Robin and those movies, the one we're going to talk about today mostly is Batman, the original. Those movies got a little bit more campy as they went on and Michael Keaton left the role. Then there was a little bit of a pause for a while. And then Batman came back with Christian Bale playing Batman and some of the most acclaimed films in the Batman canon were Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Returns, all starting Christian Bale. Heath Ledger played the joker in the middle of one of those, The Dark Knight, and after he passed away, he won an Oscar for his portrayal. Fantastic, a lot grittier, but still captured the beats of Batman.




Gary Schneeberger:

That wasn't the end. Then just a couple years ago in 2016 and 2017, Ben Affleck shows up as Batman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and then in Justice League. And just this spring, in 2022, just a few months back, another Batman film premiered, came out, new Batman, sort of a new take on it, a new iteration. And that was The Batman starring Robert Pattinson, who was best known and made a lot of Batman fans kind of go, what, when he was cast because he was in the Twilight movies, those teen drama movies about a vampire and a werewolf vying for the affections of a young girl. So, I've seen all of those movies and what we'll talk about here, we're going to spend a lot of our time, most of our time focused on the 1989 Batman with Michael Keaton, but there are beats that run throughout all these movies that we're going to draw on.




Gary Schneeberger:

So with that, Warwick, what, as we are about to jump in to talk about Batman, you've seen all these films or most of these films, you're aware of what they're going on, why do you think, just, I haven't asked you this question before, why do you think Batman shows up so often and gets rebooted so many times? We've seen it a lot with Spiderman on the other side, on the Marvel cinematic universe, but in the DC cinematic universe, Batman's shown up even more than Superman on the big screen.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I think starting with the 1989 version of Batman, Batman isn't really a cartoon superhero. There's some depth. He's a troubled soul in a way in these versions is a darkness, in a sense, but, and we'll talk about this obviously a fair bit, there's a redemptive quality of being able to face his inner demons. It's not easy. He's haunted by them in various iterations, but he uses his pain to really focus on others, to help the world, help Gotham City, help the people, and so there's this sense of he's troubled, but not defeated. He's down, but not out. And maybe there's something about there's darkness, but yet, there's a purpose. It's just a character that people are haunted by, in a good sense. He's not this everything's fine and it's all good. It's he's faced challenges, but yet, he fights them and despite his challenges, he, in a sense, overcomes them and lives a life of significance, focused on others. I think that's probably some of the reasons perhaps the people really resonate.




Gary Schneeberger:

And if Crucible Leadership and Beyond the Crucible had a superhero mascot, Batman would be a pretty good example, wouldn't he? I mean, all of them, that's why we're doing this series because superheroes and other movie heroes have had crucibles in their films and they overcome them. But what you just described, Batman seems like he could be kind of an emblem for ... And I would endorse that if we wanted to make Batman the emblem of Crucible Leadership.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, here's another ... I mean, obviously, I don't have a secret identity or at least if I do, I'm not telling anybody, but no, I don't have a secret identity, and obviously, I didn't go through what Bruce Wayne did in terms of his parents, but as listeners would know, I too grew up in a very wealthy background, and I didn't want to be defined by privilege. Didn't want that to be who I was known by. I'd like to think I lead a life with Crucible Leadership focused on helping others. I too had a Butler.




Warwick Fairfax:

So when you grow up in a wealthy family, sometimes you do. These days not always, frankly, but when I grew up, my dad, who was in his late fifties when I was born, he grew up before World War I, believe it or not. So, he grew up in that Victorian era, and so we had a butler and a chauffeur and a few others. So, my butler was an English butler, Joe Welton, Mr. Welton. He'd be offended if we called him, Joe, Mr. Welton. So I didn't have an Alfred, but I had a Mr. Welton and yeah, he didn't exactly get me ready for missions and all, but yeah, so in that sense, I can identify with that side of Bruce Wayne, certainly.




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, and that's something that we really have to focus on as we go through this discussion. This is, of course, not my voice. This is me speaking through the armored Batman helmet that Ben Affleck wore in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. So, I had to throw this in before we go into a more serious discussion of what we're going to talk about here.




Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, that is great. That is so good. That is channeling your inner Batman. So yeah, maybe we can come up with a Batman mask with Crucible Leadership on top. We'll see if we can do that without breaking copyright.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, for sure. Where we want to kind of start talking about here is the idea of what makes Batman Batman. And I think there are key things, as I said, there are key things in all these different movie versions that sort of run through them all, but one of the chief ways that Batman fights crime, one of the chief ways that he defeats, whether it's organized crime or it's super villains, is through leveraging his outward appearance, his embracing of the bat persona to really strike fear into the hearts of those who would prey on others.




Gary Schneeberger:

So that was a short clip, Warwick, but it was a very effective one of Michael Keaton's Batman really kind of debuting in the sense of, he appears to these villains who kind of have heard rumors that there's this guy, there's this creature stalking the alleyways of Gotham City at night. Then he makes his appearance and he's not going to kill him. He's not about that. We'll talk about that too. He wants to strike fear into their hearts, and he wants to do that by having them go tell their friends all about him, so that their friends know it's not a rumor. There is a Batman stalking the streets of Gotham and protecting its citizenry from that evil element. Very effective scene and not just in terms of the film, but in setting up who Batman is, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean, Batman is somebody that strikes, as you say, fear in the heart of evil doers, because they never know where he is going to be lurking, what building he's going to be looking down on them. At any moment, he could swoop down with his sort of ... In his bat cape and intimidate them and yeah, just strike fear into their hearts. So, next time they rob somebody or worse, they're going to be thinking, well, where's Batman, he's everywhere. And am I safe? Maybe I shouldn't do that bad thing. So in this sense, striking fear into his enemies is a good thing, because it might make them think twice before doing something evil. So it's very effective. Just his sheer persona and presence is effective.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And the reason that we're talking about Batman here on a show called Beyond the Crucible, about how you move beyond your crucibles, is because Batman and all the heroes that we're going to be talking about in this series, from their crucible grows their life of significance, grows their heroism in some way, be that super heroism or sports heroism, or general kind of action heroism. It's from crucibles that that's birthed. And the crucible in the life of Batman begins when he's young Bruce Wayne, he's a boy and it's depicted very effectively in the movie that we're talking about here, Batman in 1989, but it's depicted in every movie in one way or another. And that is, his parents are walking him home after a night at the theater and a bad guy, a robber, shows up on the scene, pulls a gun and kills Batman's parents, who are rich, who have ... Batman's dad, very well known patron of the arts and businessman in Gotham City.




Gary Schneeberger:

Bad guy comes in, in this movie, 1989's Batman with Michael Keaton, it's a guy named Jack Napier who shoots Bruce Wayne's parents, and he's orphaned at a young age. They don't say exactly how old he is, but he's probably ... He looks like he's about eight, nine years old. His parents are murdered right before him. When it comes to crucibles that superheroes go through, I can't think of one that's probably as emotionally devastating as that. That would be a ... That's a tough one to get over. And all the Batman movies do a good job of showing the struggles that Bruce Wayne has as he moves on.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, when you're a young boy and we don't know his exact age, but he looks like his younger than 10, so I don't know if it's 7, 8, 9, he's a young kid, to see your parents murdered in front of you by this evil villain, that is going to give you nightmares. That's going to traumatize you. Frankly, that's going to screw you up. I mean, it's hard not to be screwed up by something so horrific at a young age. And so, the test he's going to face throughout his life is, am I going to be defined by this crucible? Am I going to let it defeat me and destroy me? Yes, it's probably going to haunt me for the rest of my life in a sense, but am I going to try and channel this pain that I feel for something good, something that's beneficial?




Warwick Fairfax:

And so, it's a horrendous experience. It traumatizes him. It clearly damages him. And really, the arc of the Batman movies is what does he do with his damage and trauma? Does he let it define him or does he channel it in a way that's more beneficial?




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. In one of the movie series that we've talked about, the Christian Bale version of Batman, adds another beat on top of his parents being killed. And that is why he embraced a bat as his symbol. In Batman Begins, the first Christian Bale movie, before his parents are killed, Bruce falls through a well on the family property, and he ends up in this bat cave well under the ground. And he's very afraid because bats are milling about, he's very young and he's frightened of bats. And what ends up happening after his parents are killed is he's trying to find a way to avenge their deaths and to keep Gotham City safe. He adopts ... He learns to overcome his fear of bats.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he says this, Christian Bale's Batman says this about why he chose the bat as his identity. He said, "People need dramatic symbols to shake them out of their apathy. And I can't do that as Bruce Wayne. As a symbol, I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting." So that is a little bit of a shading on why he picks bats that both allows him to shake up the populace to have something to believe in, while at the same time doing what we talked about earlier, striking fear into the hearts of the underworld in Gotham City and the villains of Gotham City, because let's face it, nobody really likes bats. They're scary, but he learns to master that fear. Again, one of the principles of bouncing back from your crucible is mastering fear. He uses that to master his fear. He then leverages the symbol of the bat to strike fear into the hearts of villains.




Gary Schneeberger:

And really, I mean, the way that this is a perfect crucible leadership story is that out of his crucible of losing his parents, Bruce Wayne commits himself to protecting others from having to go through similar crucibles. We talk all the time about a life of significance. Bruce Wayne lives a double life of significance in the sense that he has a secret identity. Bruce Wayne is his secret identity. And as Batman, his life of significance is striking fear into the hearts of those who want to strike fear into other people. He becomes the thing that can challenge those forces that murdered his parents.




Gary Schneeberger:

That is, again, when you talk about a life of significance, when you talk about learning the lessons of your crucible, not staying in your crucible, but moving beyond it to live a life of significance to serve others, this is, while nobody we've had on the show, as far as I know, is a superhero with a secret identity, a lot of the emotional beats of what they've gone through, our guests have gone through, what you've gone through, what I've gone through, similar to what Bruce Wayne goes through in his arc to becoming Batman. In all seriousness, true?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. You go through pain and suffering and in this iteration, Bruce Wayne embraces the trauma that he's gone through, the fear of bats and he uses that fear in channeling it in a good sense. That double life, sort of that second persona, allows him to be this figure that he probably couldn't have been with Bruce Wayne. It's just as I'm reflecting, I think of another sixties TV show, Zorro, in which you had Diego de la Vega, who was this sort of aristocratic noble in the then Spanish held California in, I don't know, 1830s or whatever it was, 1820s, and by day, he's this dilatant playboy guy, but at night, he's the Fox, Zorro, saving the people. The sort of, even for me being an English history fan, there was an early iteration, The Scarlet Pimpernel, in which there's been a lot of movies made on that in which you had an English noble dressed up as all sorts of disguises in the French Revolution to come over from England to France, to help rescue poor aristocratic ... Well, poor in spirit aristocratic French Nobles that are going to be killed.




Warwick Fairfax:

Now, obviously, how good were they? I don't know, but in the English telling of it, they're poor, persecuted aristocrats that need to be saved. So this sense of double life, there's a long history in that. Zorro is obviously very familiar with folks. So, there's something about that that enables Batman to do what he couldn't do as Bruce Wayne. Maybe he's a Playboy and a bit of philanthropist, but if Bruce Wayne went around saying, I'm here to help you. It's like, I'm sorry, Bruce who? You? It just kind of wouldn't fly. He needed a persona to, in a sense, fully be the person he needed to be to help people, to save people.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And the other thing that I hadn't really thought in depth about until I watched Batman '89 with Michael Keaton to prep for this show is there's another aspect to Bruce Wayne/Batman's life of significance. And that's this, he's ... As we said, his dad was an industrialist, had a lot of money. He lives in this big mansion where he, in the movie, Batman '89, he says at one point, "I don't think I've ever been in this room," right? He has all these rooms in the house he doesn't know anything about. He's sort of disconnected from some of that part of his life, but that's part of his commitment to serving others, right? As we say, a life of significance, a life lived on purpose dedicated to serving others. He's got all this money, depending on what time you're plugging into. In the sixties, he was a millionaire. Now, he's a billionaire, but he does not use that money for his own advancement.




Gary Schneeberger:

He uses that money to build Batmobiles, to build the Batwing, the Batplane, Batboat, his Batarangs and his grappling guns. He uses the money to build crime fighting tools. There's a funny throwaway scene in the movie, Justice League, that goes back to Ben Affleck's Batman in 2017, and The Flash, who's one of the other heroes on the Justice League, asks Bruce Wayne, who's not in costume, he's just Bruce Wayne at the time, he says, "What's your superpower again?" And Bruce Wayne says, very, very humorously, but very, very poignantly, I think, too, he says, "I'm rich." His superpower is that he's rich. And that's part of what his superpower is because of the way he uses that wealth, to build up crime fighting tools that again, scare, put fear into the hearts of those who would put fear into the hearts of the populace, but also to help him win the battles that he wins against, we'll see in a minute here, he wins against people who are much more super-powered than he is.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, that's very true. I mean, obviously, growing up in a wealthy family, I relate to this, but he doesn't want to be defined by his money. He doesn't want to think, oh, just because I have money, I'm better than other people. He more sees the money he has as a way of helping other people. But certainly, in the '89 movie and probably others, he doesn't feel completely comfortable when Vicki Vale, who's his love interest in the '89 movie, asks him, is this really you? This whole Wayne Manor? He says, well, yeah, in a sense. But in a sense, it's not. They have dinner at this big long table where you've got to yell to hear the person at the other end of the table, which in reality, people really don't eat like that, even wealthy folks, but it makes for a humorous movie, and she says, are you comfortable like this? He says, actually no. So, they go eat with Alfred in the kitchen at just a smaller table.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, in one sense, he's not really that comfortable with this whole money image persona, but he uses what he has to help others. He does not let the wealth define him. He uses money in a way that helps to help define what he believes he wants to put his life to, which is helping people and saving people.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. I mean, he absolutely leverages that to further his life of significance. It's a piece that allows him to get there. One of the most fascinating things I've always found about Batman is that he's unique among superheroes in that he has no superpowers, right? Gamma radiation did not make him strong like it did the Hulk. A radioactive spider did not bite him and give him the power to climb up walls with just his fingertips. He's not an alien from another planet who can fly and shoot lasers out of his eyes like Superman. He is, in many ways, an average everyday man, aside from the money. He has to work for, he has to cultivate his advantages over the villains he encounters. And as we think about this in the context of crucible leadership, you say it all the time, Warwick, you have to learn the lessons from your crucible and apply them.




Gary Schneeberger:

You have to grow, you have to move forward, take one small step, right? Batman didn't just go from his parents being killed to running in and fighting bad guys. In Batman Begins with Christian Bale, he gets trained in martial arts. He learns. He has to train his body and then train his mind to become a good detective, his body to become a good fighter, his mind to become a good detective. He has to create himself in a sense. And in that way, I think he's one of the most identifiable superheroes for us because none of us are going to be Superman, but any of us could be Batman. Seems fair, doesn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's such a good point, Gary. I mean, even Captain America that was a regular guy, but he received serum and grows a few inches and a lot of muscles and pounds, but in a sense, Batman is a self-made man. He makes him physically, you see in various iterations him working out and just honing his body, but just mentally, in terms of his character, he hones those aspects so that he's committed to fighting for people and saving people. And he uses technology in a way that will do it. So, it's all part of the plan: body, mind, spirit, character.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so in that sense, you're right to a degree. I mean, absent of money, not everybody has millions of dollars, so that's a bit different, but other than that, anybody can become fitter, physically fitter and certainly more mentally, spiritually agile, strength of character. I mean, really, so often the superpowers that we see in some of these characters, certainly Captain America, his superpower wasn't such his strength, it was his character, and I think that's true of Batman is that strength of character, the ability to turn dire circumstances into something that helps people, that's really a sense of strength of character that I think we can all aspire to and have the opportunity to emulate.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, he's a hero because of the choices he makes. He chooses to overcome, to work through. Even though he is, as is made clear in Batman 1989 with the Joker played by Jack Nicholson, that they have a lot of similar things in their personalities. Both of them have been met with dark forces. Batman chooses to follow light, not darkness though. He's damaged, as you pointed out in a lot of these movies and certainly in this one. He has suffered damage, but he doesn't live there. He doesn't allow himself to wallow there, right? We talk about that all the time. We talk about crucibles, not so that we can commiserate, but so that we can elevate.




Gary Schneeberger:

He is a character who elevates whereas the Joker is a character who denigrates, who devolves, and he embraces the darkness that he comes in contact with. Batman doesn't do that. He makes the choice not to do that.




Warwick Fairfax:

I think that's worth just for listeners to pause and consider what Gary's just been talking about. Because at its extreme, we all have a choice. And this is making a point by stating the extreme. We have a choice. Do we want to be Batman or the Joker? That might seem like, oh, well, what are you talking about? Well, there is this phrase, hurt people hurt people, and so left to its own devices, if you've been damaged, I mean, some people have faced physical crucibles, abuse, lost loved ones at an early age, lost businesses. There're all sorts of traumas that people go through.




Warwick Fairfax:

One path is to be bitter and angry, at yourself, at others, and just be filled with so much anger that, you know what, I've been hurt so much. The world is corrupt. It's evil and you know what? I'm not going to play. I'm not going to be a pawn anymore. I'm going to go out there and just look out for number one and hey, I was hurt, so I'm going to hurt others. Who cares? What's the point of it all? There's no hope. There's no God. There's no good. Let's just do whatever it takes to win. If that means hurting people, hey, I was hurt. That's just life. Let's go.




Warwick Fairfax:

That's almost a Joker kind of mentality. We don't know his full backstory in terms of why he grew up the way he did, but probably had his own traumas, but he's so hurt and damaged, he just wants to kill and hurt as many people as possible. So he chose the path of darkness. Again, you look at like the force in Star Wars and Darth Vader, you can choose the dark side or you can choose the light in the case of Star Wars, the force. So, Batman also was pretty screwed up with what he saw with his parents being killed. He could have gone down that Joker route and used his money to hurt people. That was an option, but he chose a redemptive act, to use his pain to help people.




Warwick Fairfax:

So at its extreme, we have a choice. And really, when you go through pain, it tends to be a binary choice. You either use your pain for a purpose to help others, or your pain will tend to devour you and destroy you. And frankly, if you are destroyed and full of pain, there's a very good chance whether you want to or not, you will start hurting other people. You may not want to, but as I said, why is it so true that people who were abused as kids typically abuse their kids? That's the norm. I can't fathom how that could be possible, but psychologists will tell you that's the norm or very common. So don't fool yourself into thinking, oh, I could never be the Joker. Well, at its extreme, if you don't learn the lessons of your crucible and use your pain to help others, there's another choice, the dark side, that will tend to consume you and probably others. So, it's more real than I think we realize.




Gary Schneeberger:

I'm going to jump ahead in our notes a little bit, just because what you just said is a great place to make this point. And that is Batman, especially in this 1989 movie, is not a vigilante. In more recent iterations of the character, there is a vigilantism about him, and people think of him in those terms. But in this movie, key scene when the Joker becomes the Joker. He is Jack Napier, just kind of a mob enforcer. He's in this chemical plant. He's been sold out by his boss because he's sleeping with his boss' girlfriend. Batman shows up and he's fighting with Jack Napier, and they're over a vat of chemicals. Batman's got him by the wrist as he's hanging over the vat of chemicals. And he falls into the vat of chemicals, Jack Napier does, and he becomes the Joker.




Gary Schneeberger:

I watched the movie again, and I was like, did he drop him on purpose or did it slip? And I actually went to the script, the actual final script of the movie, to get my answer because that's important. If he drops him, he's made a darker choice. He's more like the Joker than he probably wants to be, but he doesn't drop him on purpose. According to the script, it describes the action as this: Batman reaches, gets a poor grip. He stares, perplexed, at the stricken expression in Jack Napier's eyes. Jack's sliding out of Batman's grip. Jack looks up at him in terror and slips away.




Gary Schneeberger:

They did a novelization of that movie, of this movie, Batman, in 1989, and it says that's based on the fourth draft of the script. And this is what it says in that novelization: Jack lost the pipe, but the Batman held him. His grip wasn't firm. Jack could feel the Bat's cloth covered fingers slipping away. That's important to point out on the heels of what you said about he had to make a choice, and he has to make a choice pretty much every day, like all of us do when it comes to coming back from a crucible. It's not a one and done, as you've said, scores of times. Batman has to make a choice every day. Is he going to be for light or is he going to be for darkness? Because every day finds him in a position where he has the capabilities because of the way he's trained his body and because of the weapons that his money allows him to buy, he has the ability to end life like that. But that's not the way he operates in the most, for me, resonant iterations of the character.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's such a good point, Gary. I mean, basically, the point is you don't fight evil by becoming evil. And Batman makes that choice. It's like, look, I don't know that he realizes at that point who the Joker is, Jack Napier, in the sense of, well, who Jack Napier was before in the sense of the one who killed his parents. But the point is, he knew he was a bad guy, a mobster. He could have said like, one less mobster, let the guy die.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

But yet, he didn't. He was never about killing even bad guys. He was about protecting and saving people. His focus was on saving lives, saving humans, not so much on killing bad guys. In fact, Batman doesn't have guns. He has grappling hooks. He has tools. He doesn't run around killing people. I mean, that's sort of an interesting superhero, but yeah, he's all about protecting people. He's all about trying to live his values. He is not going to become the Joker in order to defeat the Joker. That's a choice he makes time and time again.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And in fact, in the movie, Batman v Superman, Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill as Superman, the reason that they're versus each other is that Batman is so upset that in an earlier battle, Superman, in fighting a villain, Zod, they just destroyed huge parts of Metropolis in their fight, and Batman was angry with Superman because he saw this unchecked power, not caring about the safety of the populace. He didn't value life from Batman's perspective. And that's why they're at odds with each other in that movie. Another beat, Warwick, that's interesting about Batman is that he didn't just train his body. Yeah, he's good with his feet and his fists, but he's also good with his mind.




Gary Schneeberger:

Key scene in the 1989 Batman movie is the Joker has, because he had a chemistry background, he was good at chemistry in high school his file indicates and he has rigged up these colognes and makeup and hairspray to when you use them all together, it's poison and it kills people and it leaves them with big smiles on their faces like he is left with, this immovable rictus on his face because he fell into the vat of chemicals. He creates this and Batman doesn't defeat it through might, at least not might of his body. He defeats it through the might of his mind. He has, in addition to training his body, he's trained his mind to become a true detective.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's one of the things that makes Batman stand out is that in this movie is a great example of it, he finds a way to examine the chemicals that are at play, what's killed these people, and he brings a detective's moxie and insight into letting the people of Gotham know, don't use this in concert with this and this product in concert with that, and he saves the day, not through his power of his fists, of his feet, of his fancy weapons, but through the power of his mind that he's developed. Again, one of those things that the character of Batman constantly getting better, constantly training both mind and body to meet the challenges, to keep peace in Gotham City.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. He uses his mind and analytical ability to figure out, okay, you can't use hairspray with shampoo or lipstick or whatever the combination of cosmetics are. And I think the wider point is often our greatest superpower is our mind, is how we think about things. Are we going to look at what happened to us as a life determining defeat? Are we going to look at it as something that provides an opportunity to help people channel what we've been through in a positive sense? So really, guarding our mind and how we think, making sure that it's focused on positive items of gratitude rather than negative items of retribution, grievance and anger, guiding our minds, our hearts, how we think is often the battle for our lives and which way it turns out is typically a battle within. It's our mind, our heart, our character, but it really starts with how we think, how we think determines the course of our lives.




Warwick Fairfax:

Batman was constantly using his mind, his thoughts, in a positive way, channeled in a positive direction. The Joker, he used his intellect to "how can I think of creative ways to kill people and terrorize them?"




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

As we see in the end of the movie with these big balloons full of poisonous gas. I mean, yeah, he had some creativity and intelligence, the Joker did, but he used it to kill people.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

So how we use our mind and how we train it is critical.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's a great pivot point for us to talk about something else that is in the story of Batman that's critical to what we talk about here at Beyond the Crucible, and that is Batman can be easily painted as a loner, right? He takes on crucibles and crime all by himself. He lost his parents as a boy, but in very real ways, he was not orphaned. And all the movies do a pretty good job of showing this because it's through the butler that you talked about earlier, Alfred the butler, that Batman has not just a compatriot who's behind him, who knows his identity and assists him, and in some of the more recent movies, Alfred's a bit of like an ex-British commando who's got a lot of military insights and ability. In this movie, Batman '89, and certainly in the TV show, he was just a kindly butler who offered love and encouragement to Bruce Wayne, who becomes a surrogate father to him when his parents are murdered.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's a scene in Batman '89 when Vicki Vale, who you mentioned was Batman's love interest, Bruce Wayne's love interest, comes over for dinner and they're sitting around, Bruce Wayne, Alfred and Vicki Vale, and they're talking and Alfred leaves to go do something for Bruce or to go to bed, and Vicki just looks at Bruce and says, "he really loves you a lot". And that is a spotlight on a truth, isn't it, Warwick, about crucible leadership that don't go it alone, surround yourself with those who believe in you, who can help pick you up when tough times come and show you the way forward. That's who Alfred is for Bruce Wayne/Batman, isn't he?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, being orphaned like that, it can really screw you up, I'm sure. But Alfred does become this father figure, this figure that yes, he serves him in a sense, but he loves Bruce Wayne and wants to protect him. He always has his best interest at heart. He encourages Bruce to tell Vicki Vale who he is, to take the risk, and as we see in the movie, eventually he can't quite get it done. He gets interrupted at different times, once by the Joker, but eventually, Alfred brings Vicki Vale into the Batcave. I don't think he asks Bruce Wayne. He just does it.




Gary Schneeberger:

No.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it's like, you know what? I'm going to take matters into my own hands here. Vicki Vale is a nice woman, nice girl and there's something there. And so, Alfred always has Bruce Wayne/Batman's best interest at heart, and by the end of the movie, not only does Bruce Wayne have Alfred, he has Vicki Vale that knows who he is and believes in him. Having people that know us warts and all, in this case, he, Bruce, has two people that know everything about him, things that many people don't, but that know who you are, know in this sense that he's a tortured soul, Bruce Wayne, but yet love him and believe in him anyway, having unconditional love from friends and family is absolutely critical to us being able to get beyond our crucible, and in fact, being able to turn it into a positive life to help others. So, it begs the question, could Bruce Wayne have become Batman without Alfred? I think not, it's hard to really conceive of that happening. So, it's critical to have people that believe in you in your life.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. I mean, that is a ... And again, that's a story that we hear all the time on the show, people who have, and you talk about it in your book, have a team of fellow travelers, have some people who understand who you are, ask people what your gifts and talents are, so that you can get an idea of what that next act is going to look like as you move beyond your crucible. It's critical. And so often, Batman's sort of pegged as this lone figure, but even in the current movies, Batman's the one in Justice League who convenes the team. Batman sees that he can't do it all by himself if he's going to stamp out the evil that's going on. He needs other people with different gifts and talents than he has to take the battle to the bad guy. And that's not loner behavior on his part at all.




Gary Schneeberger:

He's the guy, he's the agent who's bringing all of those folks together. You mentioned this idea of people who know you, people who can identify with you, and I'm going to jump ahead just a little bit again, I mentioned earlier that my love of Batman began when I was a kid, and it was from the TV show. And one of the things I loved about that TV show was the campy, sort of silly flirtations that Batman had with Catwoman, played by Julie Newmar. The relationship that they had was cute and it was playful and it was fun, even for me as a kid who still thought girls had germs when I was like eight or nine or however old I was, but in The Dark Knight Rises, which is the third of the Christian Bale movies, that movie ends in a place that figures Alfred into the equation, as well as this idea of being known by someone.




Gary Schneeberger:

Batman and Catwoman know each other because they are also similar in some ways, some bad times in life, some broken ... Catwoman is a villain, but she's kind of got a good heart most of the time, and she's more of an anti-hero kind of villain in some ways, and there's attraction between them, but they know each other because they're both similar in the sense that they have secret identities. They have these things that they do to kind of beat back the demons that they had growing up. And there's a really sweet scene at the end of The Dark Knight Rises that made my little boy's heart leap with joy because Bruce Wayne/Batman disappears as that movie ends. Alfred, who's played in the Christian Bale movies by Michael Kane, an excellent actor, he goes to this cafe, I think it's in Paris. He looks at a table out in front, and there's Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle/Catwoman having a laugh and having a meal. And they put the camera on Alfred, and he smiles because he sees here's his surrogate son, here's the boy he raised happy.




Gary Schneeberger:

Talk about a life of significance. He's given, he's given, he's given, he's given. He's always been about what he could give, not what he could receive, and he has received, now, love because he's let someone in who understands him, knows who he is, both in the literal sense as he's Batman and Bruce Wayne, but also knows who he is in his heart. And that is that life of significance that pleases the people around us when they see us happy.




Gary Schneeberger:

Alfred's smile says everything about how much he loves Bruce Wayne and how much that story arc has sort of ended in a place where he's left ... He can leave what we talk about all the time, a grand legacy. Who knows what happens to them after that, Batman and Catwoman, Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle? Do they get married? Do they have kids? Do they go on to continue to make the world a better place? It's a beautiful ending, but it speaks to that idea of those who know you, those who love you will come alongside you, and that becomes part of your life of significance to pair up with them if that is the way that it's been laid out for you.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's such a good point, Gary. In the 1989 Batman movie with Bruce Wayne, getting together with Vicki Vale, and then in the Christian Bale version of the Batman trilogy, getting linked up with Selina Kyle as Catwoman, one of the challenges when you've been broken and damaged as Bruce Wayne/Batman was, is feeling that you are worthy of loving. Sometimes we can feel that we're so broken that almost like we feel that we're like a leper in biblical times, unclean, stay away. Anybody that gets near me will be damaged. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth loving. And so part of healing and getting beyond your crucible is being able to receive love, because it can be this notion, if you really knew me, if you really knew what I've done, who I am, you would hate me. You would run. You couldn't love me.




Warwick Fairfax:

Sadly, there's many people out there that think that, but in both iterations, whether it's Batman, whether it's the Michael Keaton or the Christian Bale version, not easily, but he lets people in. Alfred, but then, a love interest, be it Vicki Vale, or in this case, Selina Kyle as Catwoman. So, I think for all of us, we've got to believe that we are worth loving. Yes, we have faults and flaws, but there are going to be people out there that will accept us and love us because of who we are, and frankly, as we're able to move beyond our crucibles and help others, that, in a sense, helps. You're not very attractive if you're just a narcissist that's griping and complaining and wants to damage people. Forgetting ethics and morality, that's not attractive.




Warwick Fairfax:

Somebody that knows who they are and are just trying to use their pain to help others, people are more going to want to be with somebody like that. And so it's no wonder that Vicky Vale and Selina Kyle as Catwoman see the good in Bruce Wayne and Batman and want to be with him. That's an important lesson. We are worth loving and we want to be the kind of person in terms of what we do with our lives that people will want to love, if you will. It's about that.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, yeah. That's an excellent point. And oh, I see the Bat-Signal up in the sky, which indicates it's almost time for us to have to run out and save Gotham City. But before we do, let's make one last point, I think, which is a good place to kind of land the plane as I normally say, when I'm not talking about superheroes, when it's about time to end the show and that's this idea that there's a key part in Batman, the 1989 version, and key to Batman in that movie is that he just doesn't give up, right? He just does not give up, even though it's hard. When Vicki Vale asks him late in the movie, why he keeps putting his life on the line for a city that doesn't always deserve it and rarely appreciates it in some cases, he says, very simply, it's what I have to do because nobody else can.




Gary Schneeberger:

This is a man, Batman is an example we can follow of accepting responsibility for the calling we've been given, moving in that calling that we've been given and doing it even when it's hard, right? Warwick, you talk all the time about when crucibles happen, you can lie in bed and pull your head under the covers and just hope it goes away or you can get up and you can take one small step forward. Batman truly is a good example, a great example, as hard as it is, of continuing to put one foot in front of the other and taking small steps, because it's what I have to do. Nobody else can.




Gary Schneeberger:

Think about that, listener, in your own crucible experiences when you're looking at your calling. You are uniquely called to your calling. Nobody else can do it the way that you do it. Your calling is your calling for a reason. So, this idea that it's what I have to do, nobody else can do it, add onto the sentence, the way that I can do it, is true for Batman and it's true in a very, very real non-goofy superhero sense for all of us when it comes to our calling. No one's going to do that. If we feel called to something, no one's going to be able to do that exactly like we are. And that's why we have to find the fortitude to keep moving forward, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, that's such a good point. Calling is a great word. What is our calling? It will often come out of the pain, the suffering, even the darkness that we face, but that sense of calling, which we define as a life of significance, a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others, when you truly believe, I mean, Bruce Wayne feels like there's nobody else that can do what I can do. He's there to help people, save people. When you feel like I have the unique ability in my own area, neighborhood, in my own way to help people, that sense of calling tends to enhance your sense of perseverance. This is not about me. I need to keep going. There are people depending on me. It could be my family. It could be friends, people at work, people that we want to help with, organizations we volunteer with, the sense of it's more than just me, it's not about me, it helps you give a sense of perseverance to prevail.




Warwick Fairfax:

I know we're sort of summing up here. There's sort of maybe one other point I'd like maybe to leave listeners with is that, we've talked a lot in this episode about choice. Do you hide under the covers? Do you let the trauma that you went through or the mistakes you made define you, or are you going to seek to overcome them and using your pain for purpose to help others? And at its extreme, in which movies often give us the extreme version to help bring clarity, in Batman in the 1989 version and others, there is a choice. Do you want to be a redemptive figure like Batman that uses his pain to help others? Or do you want to be a narcissist devoted to inflicting pain on others like the Joker?




Warwick Fairfax:

And it sounds awfully extreme, redemption versus narcissism, or let's say redemption versus pain, hurt people, hurt others. If you're not set on a path of redemption to helping others, I don't see how you'll ... It'll be very difficult to avoid being on a path in which not only do you hurt yourself, but you'll hurt others. Redemption versus a path of self destruction to yourself and to others. It sounds awfully extreme, but I think there's some truth in that analogy. And so, it just sounds awfully comic book-like to say who would you rather be, Batman or the Joker, but it's more true than we would think, that binary choice. It's clearly an extreme version in this movie, but there is some truth behind that.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that, listener, is a perfect place for us to land the Batplane, to land the Batwing. We hope that you've enjoyed this discussion of Batman as it pertains to crucible leadership and moving beyond your crucible. I said it before, I say it all the time on the show that the experiences that we've been through, that you and I and Warwick have been through, not the same as what Bruce Wayne/Batman has been through, but the emotional feelings and the emotional needs moving forward are indeed the same.




Gary Schneeberger:

So, we hope you've enjoyed this episode of Lights, Camera, Crucibles. And next week, if you want to do your homework, I don't want to call it homework because then you won't want to do it, if you want to do the preparation work, next week, Warwick and I are going to unpack one of our favorite films and that's The Natural, in which Robert Redford plays arguably the greatest baseball player of all time. It's a wonderful kind of allegorical mythical story of what being great really is. Spoiler alert, it's not all about what's on the field.




Gary Schneeberger:

Until that next time that we're together, do remember this, listener, that we understand your crucibles are difficult. We understand they're tough. We understand that they can lead you to feel that you're in a dark place, but they are not the end of your story. If you learn the lesson of your crucible and you move beyond it by applying that lesson to the next step you take, and the next step you take, and the next step you take as you pursue your life of significance, your story's not over at all. It's just getting started because where it leads to, as I said, is the best destination you can ever imagine, and that is a life of significance.

Our eight-week summer series, LIGHTS, CAMERA, CRUCIBLES, kicks off this week. We examine some of the most popular film heroes — superheroes, sports heroes and action heroes — to extract key learnings and practical action steps to help you move beyond your crucibles to a life of significance. We begin with Captain America, whose “I can do this all day” attitude offers inspiration for staying strong and standing tall when setbacks and failures come. What makes Captain America, aka Steve Rogers, heroic is not the super soldier serum that transforms him from a 120-pound weakling rejected by the army several times during World War II into a muscular front-line fighter who beats the Nazis. What truly makes Steve Rogers Captain America is not something given to him, but something he had all along: character.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Abraham Erskine:

The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse. This is why you were chosen, because a strong man, who has known power all his life may lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength and knows compassion.




Steve Rogers:

Thanks, I think.




Abraham Erskine:

Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing, that you will stay who you are, not a perfect soldier, but a good man.




Gary Schneeberger:

When you boil it all down, that's a succinct, extremely accurate description of what a hero is, a good man or a good woman. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, cohost of the show. That clip you just heard is from the movie Captain America: The First Avenger.

Our focus today, as we launch our new summer series, Lights, Camera, Crucibles: What Our Favorite Movie Heroes Can Teach Us about Overcoming Setbacks and Failure. We chose Captain America, not only because we're debuting this series on the day after Independence Day in the U.S., but also because of the lessons the shield-wielding hero and his alter-ego, Steve Rogers, reveal about moving beyond crucibles with an attitude of, "I can do this all day." What makes Steve Rogers heroic is not the super soldier serum that transforms him from a 120-pound weakling rejected by the Army several times during World War II, into a muscular frontline fighter who beats the Nazis. What truly makes Steve Rogers Captain America is not something he was given, but something he had all along, character.

Our goal here in doing this is to make this a fun and insightful time. Each of these eight episodes that we have planned... You've heard of the phrase popcorn movies, summer movies that are big, blockbuster excitements. We're hoping this becomes a popcorn podcast, that it offers excitement, inspiration, hope, healing, and some practical actions steps for you while we all have a little bit of fun.

The series is all about... You may have gotten the idea when I said, "Lights, Camera, Crucibles," that in fact it's about movies. It is, but specifically, it's about movie heroes, a mix of superheroes, sports heroes, action heroes, when they all have one common denominator. That's this. Their stories just don't entertain us; they enlighten us.

One of the things we say the show always aims to do, in the intro, especially on the YouTube version that you can run over and see, we always talk about how we want to enlighten people. We don't want to commiserate; we want to elevate. That's the goal of this series. Entertain, yes, but elevate, for sure.

The films that we've chosen, and we're going to keep them secret week to week, we'll tell you... You kind of have a hint of what the first one's going to be, because you heard the clip at the start of the show, but these are all films that Warwick and I love, and millions of movie goers besides us love. Sometimes, for generations they have loved these characters. 

It's not because, or at least not just because I am a superhero geek, a bit of a fanboy. It's not because Warwick loves history and loves heroes and has since he was a boy, but it's because these movies all surround themes that we discuss every week on Beyond the Crucible. Some of those themes are overcoming your worst day; learning and applying the lessons of your crucibles; shifting your perspective to understand that these setbacks and failures didn't happen to you but happened for you; the importance of faith and authenticity and living a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others; and sometimes having a secret identity and wearing a cool costume. Okay, I made that one up. That's not something that we have always talked about on Beyond the Crucible, but we may talk a little bit about it today. Stay tuned. We have some surprises.

Like any good summer activity, we hope this does two things: one, that we have fun, that you have fun; and two, we get to spend some meaningful time together. That's our goal here. Have fun. Spend some meaningful time together. We think that we'll do just that. Warwick, what are your feelings? I've been blabbing here. What are your feelings about starting this Lights, Camera, Crucible series about movie heroes?




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, I think both of us... I love heroic movies, be it superhero movies, historical movies, books, figures. I mean, I grew up with my dad telling me about some of the heroic figures in history, whether... Obviously, in America, we think of Washington and Lincoln. Because my dad was an anglophile, I grew up hearing stories about Admiral Nelson of Battle of Trafalgar fame, and the Napoleonic Wars, and the Duke of Wellington at Waterloo. 

I think what attracts me to heroic figures is they're typically up against odds. They're tested both physically, strategically, but they're tested in their character and they always come through. That's the essence of being a hero. You are tested and you come through, and your character, if anything, is refined or sharpened at times, but they're people that we can learn from. When we suffer challenges and crucibles, how can we emerge better, stronger, especially in our character? How can we be focused on others, rather than just ourselves? There are so many teachable moments in these larger than life figures, that we love talking about them not so much because, oh, who of us will ever be Captain America? It's more we love the story, and we like to think that we could see ourselves in the movie, or we like to think, on our better days, we too could be selfless and heroic, even in small ways, so it inspires us to be better than maybe we thought we could be. That's why I think we all love heroic figures in movies.




Gary Schneeberger:

To level set beyond just what the excellent points that Warwick made, but it's not just us. We're not just the only two people who think this is a worthwhile subject to talk about, how you can apply some of the lessons of hero movies to your life. Psychology Today did an article a couple years back that it called Five Surprising Ways That Heroes Improve Our Lives. We're going to go through those five ways here, just so you get an idea of why it is we're spending, we're committing so much time and effort and energy to this series and this subject.

Here's the first reason that Psychology Today says heroes improve our lives. Number one: Heroes produce a recently identified emotion called elevation. This one fascinated me. That's why they made it number one, I'm sure. Recent research suggests that heroes and heroic action may evoke a unique emotional response, which a professor at NYU has called elevation. 

He borrowed the term elevation from Thomas Jefferson, who used the phrase moral elevation to describe the euphoric feeling one gets when reading great literature. The article goes on to say, "Elevation is described as similar to calmness, warmth, and love." The professor at NYU argues that elevation is "elicited by acts of virtue or moral beauty. It causes warm, open feelings in the chest." Seems like a lot of the beats that we talk about in crucible leadership, especially when it comes to the benefits of living a life of significance and the benefits that that has on other people, doesn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Think of when you're in high school, or maybe you've had kids in high school. One of the things you always say is, "You are judged by who you surround yourself with," so surround yourself with people that will elevate you, people that will respect you, value you, people that you can really help yourself.

The people you're around can elevate you. On the other hand, if you're around the wrong crowd, it can lead to terrible things. In some cases, sadly, in high school or beyond, it can lead to drugs, substance abuse, gangs, terrible things. 

One of the great things about heroic movies is you're surrounding yourself with folks that elevate you. Some people talk about appealing to your better angels. We're all a mix of good qualities and not so good. All of us are imperfect, but by watching heroic movies, it can indeed elevate you. It can appeal to your better angels. It can appeal to your better instincts. It does what we all want to have happen with ourselves and our kids. We all want to be our best selves. I honestly believe that heroic movies play a role, if not a significant role, in our culture, in the ability to help us all be the best selves that we can be.




Gary Schneeberger:

That leads very nicely, Warwick, to the second point in this Psychology Today article, and that is that heroes heal our psychic wounds. It says, "Tens of thousands of years ago, when humans first tamed fire, tribe members huddled around a communal fire at the end of each day for warmth and protection, but the act of gathering around the fire encouraged another activity, storytelling. These first stories were, no doubt, tales of heroes and heroic action, and these tales were a salve for people's psychological wounds. Hero stories calmed people's fears, buoyed their spirits, nourished their hopes, and fostered important values of strength and resilience. Life now had greater purpose and meaning. There is no doubt that humans today are no different from our earthly ancestors. We are drawn to good hero stories, because they comfort us and heal us." Another fair point, with what we're about to talk about, what we've all experienced in watching these films.




Warwick Fairfax:

That is so profoundly true, Gary. I mean, human beings, for thousands of years, ever since we were humans, have, as you said, gathered around the campfire and told stories of heroic deeds. Every culture that I know of has these stories.

I know, for me, as I've mentioned before, I think, on other podcast episodes and in my book, Crucible Leadership, my dad read me heroic stories of the Greek heroes from a book from, I don't know, somewhere in the 1800s by Charles Kingsley, called The Heroes. You'd hear stories of Perseus; Jason and the Argonauts; and stories of the Trojan Wars, which there have been a few recent movies on that; and stories of Odysseus taking 10 years to come home to his beloved wife, Penelope. The gods were sort of angry at him for a variety of reasons, but he wouldn't let it stop him. Nothing would stop him from coming home to his kingdom, to his people, and to his wife. The Greeks, thousands of years ago, would sit around campfires or wherever they were gathered and tell stories of these incredible heroes in their culture.

It's just, it's part of being human is to tell stories of heroes in our culture. It reinforces our culture, our values, and again, helps us be our best selves. Telling stories is an intrinsic part of being human.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yep, and the podcast is today's answer to the campfire, in many, many ways, in terms of the stories that are being told around it. Here's the third point in Psychology Today's article: Heroes nourish our connections with other people. "The content of hero stories," they write, "also promotes a strong sense of social identity. If the hero is an effective one, he or she performs actions that exemplify and affirm the community's most valued models, who perform behaviors that reinforce our most treasured values and connections with others." We're really going to get into that, not just in today's episode, which is about Captain America. It's not a spoiler alert; you heard it in the clip, but about all the heroes that we talk about. They really do reinforce our most treasured values and connections with others.

One of the things that draws me to these kinds of movies is that I see in the characters I love and I appreciate the higher aspirations that I have for myself. I think that's a fair point to make about why these films are so popular. Yeah, the special effects are great. Yeah, the dialogue's snappy. The action's good, but at the end of the day, it's the character of the heroes and the values of the heroes, I think, on which these movies rise and fall.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we like to see ourselves as a Steve Rogers, who overcame his crucibles and was selfless. We like to identify with these heroes. We like to think, in some small way, maybe there's a part of Steve Rogers that could be us. Back to the Psychology Today article, it absolutely elevates us and inspires us. That's the value of stories.

I mean, one of the things you hear in adult learning a lot is, if you hear a speech, you might forget the points, but you remember the stories. Or in the Bible, with Jesus, His main points were all told through stories. Storytelling is a very valuable way to teach lessons to ourselves, to our kids, to our loved ones, our team members. It's a valuable way of teaching. It's inspiring. One of the best ways to really try to get better, as a human, is just identify with some of these figures, not so much to be literal superheroes, but just more of the character and how we deal with adversity. I think it's incredibly helpful to our souls and in our lives.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's an important point to make in a podcast called Beyond the Crucible. That comes from a life practice called Crucible Leadership, that it is to overcome. Part of the journey, part of the story, is overcoming those difficult moments, and getting up. Again, as we get into Captain America here in a bit, we'll see a lot of those beats in the Captain America story.

In fact, there's the fourth point in Psychology Today's article, and that is: Heroes show us how to transform our lives. "A comparative mythologist, named Joseph Campbell..." I never knew there were comparative mythologists. I wonder if there are other kinds of mythologists, but he's a comparative mythologist. "He said, in 1988, that all of us undergo a hero-like journey throughout our ordinary human lifespans." You sort of alluded to that when you were talking just a little while ago.

"'During our lives,' he wrote, 'we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness. Only when we heroically risk change and growth in our own lives will we reach our full potential.' As spiritual teacher, Richard Rohr notes, 'Hero stories inspire us all because they call us all.'" Love that.

"Hero stories inspire us all because they call us all." I mean it's not... It's really impossible to watch a hero story, be it superhero, action hero, sports hero, real-life documentary hero somewhere, it's really hard to watch a film like that and not feel inspired and called to the same level of excellence, the same level of soul, of character, that these mythical sometimes, real sometimes, heroes display, isn't it? It's almost an impossibility not to be not just elevated, but to be drawn into following that path.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, as you're talking about heroic figures, I think of Luke Skywalker in the first Star Wars film in, what is it, 1977, or somewhere there abouts? I'd say, more screenplay analyses and heroic analyses have been done on that movie than any other. It's a template of how to give a speech, how to write a screenplay, without getting into it all. Luke Skywalker starting as a simple young boy, young man, in this far off planet. His family gets killed, and he ends up part of the Rebel Alliance, becoming a heroic figure.

Well, he had to go through crucibles and journey and growth. That would be a whole other discussion, but yeah, I think heroic figures typically go through an arc of learning, of dealing with crucibles, overcoming them. In a sense, these heroic movies that we're going to be talking about are almost an archetype of what does it mean to be a crucible leader? We talk on the podcast and in the book all the time about learning the lessons of your crucible, living in light of your design, finding a vision that maybe came out of the ashes of your crucible, focus on others, living a life of significance. That's what the figures in these movies do. They live the crucible arc, the refining cycle, as we call it. It's a great way of learning how to not let your worst day define you, and how to move on to a more fulfilling life.




Gary Schneeberger:

Here, listener, is proof that this idea is breathed outside of me and Warwick, because I have not shared with him what I'm reading out of Psychology Today, and he just led perfectly, he just set the plate perfectly for the fifth point in the article. That is: Heroes turn us in to heroes ourselves.

"Good heroes," they write, "use the power of transformation, not only to change themselves for the better, but also to transform the world. In the classic hero journey, the newly transformed hero eventually transforms society in significant and positive ways. Psychologist Erik Erikson's Stages of Human Development suggests a similar hero trajectory for all of us. Adults grow in significant ways, and then in midlife reach a stage of generativity, which Erikson defines as the time when people give back to the society that has given them so much."

We haven't written it that way, as that's what a life of significance is, but that's what they're describing there, right? They're describing a life of significance. It makes you feel significant, and it passes value onto the culture.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I think there was a generation of historians that talked about the great man theory of history. Obviously, we would say the great person, the great man, the great woman theory of history. That was the idea that individuals can transform society. That's maybe not as fashionable today, because we live in a more cynical age and, yes, our heroes typically are not perfect. They have their flaws, but as we've discussed before, in fact just on the last podcast, we talked about Winston Churchill and his whole never give up. He was one man-




Gary Schneeberger:

Your never is actually never, never, never, never... 




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly right.




Gary Schneeberger:

I memorized it for the show.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly right. Here he was in May 1940, new prime minister of Britain, when it felt like Britain against Nazi Germany, against the world at the time. America would come into the war later, in late 1941, but Britain could be forgiven if they were obviously fearful, feeling like, gosh, we're one little island. How will we protect ourselves against the might of Nazi Germany, but in one sense, through the power of his example and the power of his rhetoric, Winston Churchill, with this idea of we will never give up. We will fight them on the beaches, in the villages, in the towns. No matter how long it takes, we and our commonwealth, which includes Australia and Canada, we will fight on.

One man, one woman can make a massive difference. Now, we're not all going to be Winston Churchills, but even if it means in our town, in our village, in our neighborhood, in our company, in our division, wherever it is, and in our families, we can have a massive impact, far more than we would think. Never underestimate the ability to live a heroic lifestyle. It's a bit of a stretch, maybe, for most of us, but let's understand it as a heroic life in terms of character and service, in modeling what we believe. That kind of heroic life is attainable by all of us. It's just a matter of living what we believe. It has a massive impact, far more than we would realize.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's a great bridge to the first hero that we're going to talk about, because that's one of the characteristics, one of the things that makes Captain America a hero. As we teased at the top of the show, our first hero that we're going to unpack is going to be Captain America. We're just about ready to launch into that. I think I'm ready to begin that discussion, Warwick. I think I'm ready to dive in. I think I'm ready to go. I've got the... There's the Captain America T-shirt. I've got the Captain America hat. I'm so excited, I forgot to put my glasses back on, but I guess that's... You know what? When you're talking about heroes, sometimes the alter-ego wears glasses, sometimes the hero doesn't. That's not Captain America's story, but that is the story of a few of them, and there's my Captain America shield, if you're... We're all ready to go. Talk about Captain America.

I can actually still read my notes without my glasses on, so I'm just going to let them go. I'm just going to let it go just like this. We're going to fly just like this and see what happens.

Where we're going to start, Warwick, is with the movie Captain America: The First Avenger, which is where the movie versions of Captain America all began. That was in phase one of what they call the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It was a story of a young man, Steve Rogers, in World War II. He really, really, really wanted to be a soldier. He wanted to fight.

The problem for Steve Rogers was that he was slight and he was sickly. His crucible, when we meet him, is that this kid from Brooklyn, who wants to get into World War II, can't join the Army, because they keep rejecting him. So intense is his desire to serve, in fact, that he travels to several recruiting stations in the preamble, the pre-story, the backstory, of Captain America: The First Avenger, hoping to find one recruitment center that's going to give him the chance, but the odds are high.

Here's how high the odds are. This is fascinating to me. I didn't realize this until I began doing some of the research for our conversation today, but in one scene in the movie, where he's in one of those recruitment centers, when his paperwork is stamped 4-F, which means he's rejected, the audience gets a fleeting glimpse on screen of his physical history, including his ailments. It's flashed too quickly by to really understand what it says in its entirety, but here's the fun part.

When Marvel wrapped up the first phase of its Cinematic Universe, it issued a boxed set of all the DVDs. In that boxed set, they had dossiers of all the characters who were in The Avengers. Included in that, right here you can see, there's their top secret, inactive, classified file, but in that, they take that very piece of paper that shows up in Captain America: The First Avenger, can't really see it there well, because of the sun, but here's the ailments that are listed on that sheet that flew by too quickly for movie goers to understand.

Here are the odds. Here's the crucible that Steve Rogers faces as he wants to go join the war effort and do his part for his country. Summary of patient health issues: asthma, scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, sinusitis, high blood pressure, palpitations or pounding in heart. I'm going to run out breath saying this. Easy fatigability, heart trouble, nervous trouble of any sort, has had household contact with a tuberculosis patient, and he has a parent/sibling with diabetes, cancer, stroke, or heart disease. He is also only 5'7" and 110 pounds. Makes it pretty clear why Steve Rogers is having trouble getting into the Army, doesn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

That guy's a mess. I mean, you know how it's like slight of stature. I mean, 110 pounds. I mean, wow. Rheumatic fever, tuberculosis. I mean, it's just... He is the antithesis of a heroic figure. That kid's not, I mean, you would think, poor kid. He's not going to be able to do anything. I mean, if there's a breath of wind, you'd think he'd fall over.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, he's just sickly. Can you imagine being in the heat of battle and having a nervous disposition? Do you want that guy to have your back? I mean, probably not. Maybe he'll suffer a heart attack or something. Yeah, he is the antithesis of what a hero would be, which makes his story even more remarkable, really.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yet, in the very next scene, in the very next scene, after he's been rejected several times, the first glimpse of what indeed makes him a hero comes up. He's in the movie theater. After one of his rejections, he goes to see a movie. At that time, at the movies, they ran newsreels beforehand, and because it was World War II, they were reporting back. Remember, there's no TV at this time that's hour by hour, no CNN telling you what's going on in the theater of war. You've got to watch these newsreels. 

He wants to see what's going on, but there's some guys in front of him in the theater, who are mouthing off, and they're talking to the newsreel. Steve Rogers, slight, sickly Steve Rogers gets a little upset about that. He wants to hear what's going on. He wants to serve his country, and he wants to know what's going on in the theater of war.

What ends up happening, he gets into a fight with one of the bigger guys in front of him. Later, the guy goes outside and beats him up in an alley. He just pounds him. He keeps punching him, and Steve keeps falling down and getting knocked down. Eventually, the guy who's beating him up takes a little sympathy on him, and he says, "You just don't know when to quit, do you?" And Steve's response would end up coursing throughout all of the films in which Captain America appears. That's this first one, Captain America: The First Avenger. That's the second one, Captain America: The Winter Soldier. That's the third one, Captain America: The Civil War, as well as all four Avengers movies.

This is the attitude of Steve Rogers, of Captain America, as it plays out through those movies. Here's what he says to that bully, as that bully beats him up. "I could do this all day." He says it many more times, throughout those other movies, as I said.

Warwick, when I heard that, in screening this movie for this purpose, it occurs to me, that could be the motto of moving beyond your crucible, couldn't it? Recognizing that life knocks you down, but it has lessons to teach you, and you'll learn them if you adopt the attitude of, "Okay, I could do this all day, if that's the way it turns out." Is that fair, to sort of summarize the way crucible leadership works?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Really, to get over your crucible, you have to have that attitude of perseverance, that I could do it over.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. It really is a good perspective to think about when you face crucibles. Can you be someone who looks at crucibles... We say, they didn't happen to you; they happened for you. One way of expressing that in a different manner is to say, "I could do this all day. I know what's on the other side of persevering through my crucible, so I'm going to press in and I'm going to do that." 

Steve Rogers life changes when he meets one Dr. Erskine, who's a former German scientist, who's working on developing a super soldier formula for the U.S. government agency, The Strategic Scientific Reserve. He selects Steve over more physically capable and militarily experienced candidates, because as we heard in the clip that started the show, Steve is a weak man. Physically, he is a weak man. 

Here's the important point there, though. Erskine believes, because of that, he will value strength, and he will do it with compassion. That, in Erskine's mind, is what makes a super soldier. That's a pretty, again, life applicable lesson that, going back to the Psychology Today article, that we should all aspire to, that in our hearts we all want to aspire to. It's not who we can beat up. It's who we can comfort. It's who we can show compassion to. It's who we can love. That's the nature of "heroism" as defined by Captain America and, I think, in our own hearts.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, those early scenes are particularly helpful in this movie, when you just see this young, slight of build, doesn't seem like a heroic figure, but what Dr. Erskine sees in Steve Rogers is maybe not heroic physical stature, but heroic character. He's somebody that will stand up, as we'll see, to bullies. He's somebody that, because he doesn't have natural strength, he values compassion. He values character. He values doing the right thing.

Later on, we'll see, I think Dr. Erskine says, "Steve, don't change. Don't change in your character. Keep who you are," when he'll get the serum.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

One of the things he says in that clip that I think is really... It's very thought provoking when he says to Steve, "The serum amplifies everything. It makes a bad man, a bad person better; a good man, a good person better." Steve already had character. Did it make him even of greater character? I don't know, maybe. I guess that would be Dr. Erskine's premise, but I think what that says is sometimes you could say strength is found in our weakness. I know, for me, given what I've gone through, losing a $2.25 billion, 150-year-old family media company in Australia, I think it... I'd like to think it gives you a level of compassion, a level of empathy for others. 

Sometimes out of weakness, physical weakness or whatever, there can be great strength that comes out of that. See, Dr. Erskine chose Steve Rogers because of the strength of his character. That was a profoundly wise choice that a lot of other people wouldn't have done.




Gary Schneeberger:

No. In fact, the colonel, played by Tommy Lee Jones, is having none of it in the beginning, right? He... "You bring a 90-pound asthmatic into my barracks?" I mean, he's very gruff. He's perfect Tommy Lee Jones there, but he doesn't see it, because he doesn't spend any time, he doesn't get to spend any time with Steve Rogers, aside from what's happening on the training field. He sees a bunch of people who are stronger. That's what he, as a military man, has been taught to believe is what wins wars, physical strength.

Erskine in the doctor who, while he was in Germany, ended up having to give the serum, before it was ready to go, to a very physically strong man, but a bad man, Johann Schmidt, who ends up being the villain Red Skull in the movie. He's seen what happens when strong, morally questionable people get that serum. He doesn't want to see that happen again.

One of the key things, before Steve Rogers receives the serum and becomes the physical embodiment of Captain America, the last thing that Erskine asks him is, "Do you want to kill Nazis?" He wants to get at Steve's motivation. Okay, he wants to go join the war effort, because he's been to five or six different places to fill out a form, been rejected each time. That's against the law. He doesn't seem to care, because he wants to fight so badly, but Erskine says, "Do you want to kill Nazis?" 

Steve's response, again, gets to the character of Steve Rogers and then Captain America, because he never loses that character. Steve's response is, "I don't want to kill anybody. I just don't like bullies." He sees Hitler as a bully. He sees the Nazis as bullies, and he wants to stop those bullies in the same way that he wanted to stop that guy who was talking over the film reels in the movie theater. That's the essence of Steve Rogers, and that becomes the essence of Captain America.

Steve is given the serum. He gets the serum, and that gives him strength, speed, and the ability to take and throw a punch. They're exponentially greater than they were before. He captures a Nazi who has infiltrated the experiment and shot Erskine to death. He winds up in the papers as a hero. 

Here, then, comes Steve Rogers second big crucible of the film, and his first big crucible as Captain America. The U.S. Government doesn't send him to the front to fight the war. The U.S. Government, and this kind of hurts me that this is played for a joke in the film, the U.S. Government sends him on a PR campaign. Being a PR guy, by profession, I'm like, oh, that's terrible. The PR is like the evil assignment in the movie, but for our purposes, why it's a crucible is he's not... Steve Rogers realizes he's not using all the gifts he's been given, right? 

We talk about gifts you've been given, a lot, not usually in this context. They've been injected into you through science, but he's still been given gifts, and he feels like he's not using them. He's longing for what we've called, in a previous series, second act significance, right? That's where he finds himself, as he's on this PR tour selling war bonds.




Warwick Fairfax:

You know, what's fascinating about this is both the Army's maybe misuse of him, arguably, or the... I mean, the Army has an attitude of, look, here's this larger than life figure. We need money to fuel this war, and one of the main ways they did that was selling war bonds to people, so he was serving a good purpose, which is raising money for the war, but he could've said, "Look," maybe he didn't want to kill Nazis, but, "I want to protect America. I could do a lot more at the front." Maybe he grumbles a little bit, but basically he's like, look, if this is where I'm needed in the war effort, and if this can help raise millions of dollars for the war, I'm not going to overly complain." 

Like a good soldier, he went ahead and did it, which I think is remarkable in terms of humility. He didn't say, "I'm not doing that. I'm Captain America. How dare you?" No.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

He's like, okay, I may not like it. I understand why they're putting me there. Raising millions of dollars for the war effort is not bad. I get it. War bonds is a big deal, selling them. But yeah, it definitely wasn't using his gifts, wasn't maybe the best place to put him, but in his humility, he went on with it, put on a good show, and did his best to make the best of a bad position, another important lesson.

All of us in life are going to face times in which we're not in the best place for our gifting, but we do our best anyway. Sometimes you don't have a choice in the short run. That showed remarkable character, the way he approached it.




Gary Schneeberger:

You're right. At first, he kind of embraces that role. He's symbolic. You're right. The war bonds are going up. They're raising a lot more money with him, but yet, deep down inside, when he was going to all those places and wanting to sign up for the war, he wasn't thinking of being a PR guy. He was thinking of being a soldier. He doesn't want to raise money; he wants to raise Cain, right? He wants to take it to the enemy, and he gets a little picture when his playing field shifts from all those war bond rallies to the front. 

He goes to the front, and he meets, when he does his shtick with the chorus girls singing the star-spangled man song, and all the dances, and the fake Hitler he knocks out, but he does it in front of soldiers who are on the front lines, and they boo him. They mock him. They say, "Bring the girls back." 

One of the interesting things about, of all the projectiles that Captain America knocks away with this thing right here, with his shield. Of all the projectiles he knocks away with his shield, the first ones are fruit thrown at him by servicemen, who think he's shirking his duty, because they don't know the whole story. That weighs on him.

The next scene that we see him in, Warwick, is when he is visited by Captain Peggy Carter, who's a British agent, who's working with the Strategic Scientific Reserve. They've kind of taken a shine to one another in a very sweet way, and she says something to him. Listener, I'm going to ask you the same thing I'm going to ask Warwick. Does this sound familiar, what she tells Steve Rogers/Captain America, who's selling war bonds, but not fighting? "You were meant for more than this," she says to him. Pretty familiar subject around these parts, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

It sure is, Gary. I mean, as listeners would know, we just finished an amazing series on Second Act Significance. I'd say, pretty much every guest we had reached that moment of you were meant for more than this, whether it was Robert Miller being a pretty successful lawyer in New York for decades, and it's like, is this all there is? Is this all there is? He had a love of music, and now has a very successful band, Project Grand Slam, doing a mix of Latin/jazz fusion. Every guest we had, had a is this all there is moment.

As we heard last week, I had what I called a cubicle moment, an is this all there is moment, when I was in the mid '90s to early 2000s. I was working in an aviation services company in Maryland doing business marketing analysis, and I was getting good performance reviews, but it's like, I felt like I was, as a person of faith, dishonoring God in the sense that I wasn't using all the gifts that I've been given, so I ended up quitting, got into executive coaching, and from there, through a variety of ways, ended up writing my book, and now Crucible Leadership and Beyond the Crucible.

Many of us have had this is this all there is moment. Am I using all my gifts for a higher purpose? Have I defined it in a way that's helping others? This was really, maybe it wasn't a cubicle moment. Obviously, he was out there getting thrown fruit by servicemen, which had to have... Here he was trying to help America.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

That's got to be absolutely soul crushing, to be mocked by the people on the front lines. I can't think of a worse psychological crucible. I mean, it would've been devastating. Is this what I was given the serum for, to get thrown fruit at and mocked by soldiers, my fellow soldiers? Is this all there is? Surely, there must be a higher purpose. It's a classic moment. It definitely is.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yep, and he finds that higher moment, courtesy of Peggy Carter who, at the camp there on the front lines, or kind of behind the front lines quite a bit. He discovers that a lot of American and British allied servicemen have been taken prisoner by the Nazis, who are winning the war. At this point, they're kind of cleaning up a little bit, because Johann Schmidt, the Red Skull has hijacked... If you're a fan of Marvel, you'll know what the Tesseract is. If you're not a fan of Marvel, let's just say it's sort of cosmic energy. He's been able to leverage this cosmic energy to create weapons that give the Nazis the upper hand.

They've captured all these POWs. He hears about it. The colonel doesn't want to send anybody there, because it's so far behind enemy lines, but Steve Rogers hears that one of those POWs could be his friend, Bucky Barnes, his boyhood chum, who is/was everything that Steve wanted to be, strong and capable and accepted immediately into the military, and women loved him. That's all the things that Steve sort of aspired to be in his heart of hearts.

He thinks that Bucky, even though some say he's dead, he thinks Bucky might be one of those POWs, so he goes, unauthorized, unordered. He goes behind enemy lines himself, and he liberates the camp where these POWs are being held. He gets with him along the way, this wonderful motley crew of British and American soldiers, who kind of go on to become Captain America's Howling Commandos, and some other things that happen in the film and certainly in the comic book universe.

What I thought was so great about that scene, Warwick, is when it ends, when he comes back the hero, the first thing he does... Everybody's applauding him. Crowds are parting, because he's coming back with all these POWs, but the first thing that Steve Rogers/Captain America does is walk up to the colonel, played by Tommy Lee Jones, and say, "I'm here to turn myself in for disciplinary action," because he recognizes, he absolutely knows he left without authorization. That's his character on display. It's another key building block, that character in moving beyond a crucible to lead a life of significance that we talk about all the time. There's something else that happens in that moment, Warwick, when Peggy Carter is talking to the colonel, that also speaks to a key component of what it takes to get beyond your crucible. Talk about that a bit.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's a classic scene in that you would think a normal hero comes back and says to the colonel, "Hey, you had no faith in me. Well, take that." 




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

"Look at all these people cheering me. They may have thrown fruit at me before. Well, now, they're cheering me. I'm the big hero. You're an idiot. You made a mistake, so you'd better have a good assignment for me. Otherwise, Colonel, I'm going to talk to the general, or the head of the war office or, hey, maybe even President Roosevelt. If you're too stupid to listen, people are going to listen to me now." That would've been an approach, an arrogant, hey, I'm the hero, but that's not at all what Steve Rogers did.

He knew that he had gone against his orders. It's like, okay, I did what I did to help people, but I recognize that what I did was against orders. I'm ready for discipline. He was just humble, submitted to authority in the best sense of that word. If he was about glory, his response would have been totally different. It shows everything about his character, and-




Gary Schneeberger:

And it shows everything about how wise Dr. Erskine was in not picking one of those guys that was killing all of the tests, that was killing all the tests on the training field, because that's the kind of thing one of those guys would've said if they came back, and that's not who Steve Rogers is.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. They would've said, "Hey, look at me. I am the champion. Cue the Queen rock group music, We Are the Champions." 




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, that would be kind of what you'd be hearing, but while the colonel may not have really judged correctly, Agent Peggy Carter, the British agent working with the group did, because when the colonel asked Agent Peggy Carter, "Well, why did you allow Steve to go on this mission," and she says, "I had faith." She believed in him. She saw what Dr. Erskine saw in Steve Rogers, a man, a person of high character, of selflessness, who's always about the cause and about his fellow soldiers, not about his own glory.

She had faith in who he was, as a person. She saw those really aspects of greatness, greatness of character, in him that Dr. Erskine did. Yeah, it's a wonderful line, "I had faith." She knew who he was, and she knew what he could do.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. That's one of the things that you talk about in your book and we talk about on the show quite a bit is the importance of faith. The importance of believing that this isn't the end, and whether that comes from us or that comes from others. Other people having faith in us is also a great driver. I mean that is, again, listener, I stress that's one of the reasons why we're talking about these films and these heroes, because they touch on the beats that we've been talking to you about now for more than 120 episodes of this show. That's one of the things that, I think, makes this such a robust, fun discussion.




Warwick Fairfax:

Just before we leave that point, and what you're saying is so true, I think one of the points I want listeners to really consider is you can surround yourself with naysayers, who will say, "You know what? You're a screw-up. You've failed. You've hurt people. You deserve, maybe not to be in prison, but to be in a virtual prison. You deserve to be treated like lepers in the Bible, to be shun, not seen. You're unforgivable, irredeemable. You're a hopeless waste of space." 

Now, that's an approach. You can just surround yourself with those people if you want to, and it doesn't mean you don't have to return to the things you've done and make it right, but you want to surround yourself with people, who say, "You know what? I get it. You've made mistakes. Maybe you've made choices that weren't as good as others, but I believe in you. I believe that I would say greatness in you, but greatness in the sense of character, the ability to achieve dreams that maybe others may not see. I believe in who you are and your capacity and what you can do." Surrounding yourself with people who elevate you and appeal to your better angels is a massively important part of achieving your dream to a life of significance.

Surround yourself with people who will say, "You know what? I believe you can do it. I believe you are better and more capable than you ever realize." Those are the kind of people that we want to have in our corner.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, and Steve Rogers/Captain America proves capable. He brings down the villain of the peace, the Red Skull. He defeats him, and he does it in a way that, again, stays so true to his character, in the sense that he doesn't... He says to Dr. Erskine back in the beginning when he's asked, "Do you want to kill Nazis?" "No, I don't want to kill Nazis. I just don't like bullies." He doesn't kill.

So many times, heroes in action films, in particular, will take out the bad guy. I'm working on a book right now about the James Bond films, and James Bond pretty much offs every bad guy his path crosses. That's not the way that heroes tend to operate, superheroes tend to operate. They don't kill. Captain America says, "I don't want to kill anybody. I want to simply stop bullies." 

What ends up killing the Red Skull is his own megalomania. He's so fascinated and obsessed with this Tesseract, this other worldly source of power, that he grabs it, and it blows up on him, and he dies. That then... It happens on his plane, and that leaves Steve Rogers on the plane, Captain America on the plane, and he's got a choice to make. That choice is... There's a bomb. That plane is set to drop a bomb on New York, so he can live and let that happen, or he can take that plane, and he can crash it in the ocean to save other people's lives.

By this time, listener, I think you know, even if you haven't seen the movie, what Captain America is going to do. Unlike the Red Skull, who can't control the power he wields, Steve Rogers could control the power within him. That leads him to make the ultimate sacrifice in the end, fly the plane with the bomb into the ocean, and there he is presumed dead. 

Again, Warwick, that really makes... I mean, the smartest guy in this movie to me is Dr. Erskine, because he gets it with just a few conversations of hearing a few things that Steve Rogers said. This is the kind of man, after putting that serum in Johann Schmidt's arm and what that made bad worse, he saw this physically weak man, who was good in his heart, and he could make that good better, and that's what he did to the end, or to what seemed like the end, when Steve Rogers dropped that plane in the water, even though he had fallen in love with Peggy Carter, she with him, and that ended that, he thought, but there's more to come, as there always is in superhero movies, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. It's a great point. He was always about the greater good. It's not about me. Obviously, with everything that was on that plane, yeah, he could have annihilated New York and probably part of the Eastern Seaboard of the U.S., but he was willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good of his country and the men and women that live here.

He was the true hero, in that it's not about me. It's about a higher purpose. I'm just doing my best to help those around me.

There's an interesting moment in one of the later scenes of the movie, when Steve Rogers is struggling with Johann Schmidt, the Red Skull, the head of HYDRA, on the plane. Well, actually, I think it was earlier, come to think of it, in the Alps space, but it's sort of part of this end of the movie.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

Johann Schmidt, the head of HYDRA asks Steve Rogers, "Well, what makes you so special?" In other words, Dr. Erskine had been forced to inject Johann Schmidt with the serum, or basically Johann Schmidt took matters into his own hands, but he's thinking, why in the world would Dr. Erskine choose you? Here I am, Mr. Super-Nazi, Aryan super race, Johann Schmidt. Why you? What's so special about you? 

Steve Rogers said, in answer to that question, "What's so special about you?" He says, "Nothing. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn." 




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. 




Warwick Fairfax:

It's like he doesn't think of himself as special. Now, the honest answer, which he's too humble to say is, "Well, Dr. Erskine saw the purity of my character," but he's too humble to see that. It just completely nonplussed Johann Schmidt. It's like, "Say what?" It's like, "I'm up against this person, who's potentially going to beat me, and he's nothing special?" I mean that's how humiliated to be beaten by nothing special, if you will. He just, he couldn't process it, but that just shows you his humility and his willingness to just sacrifice himself for the greater good, and not big-note himself.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the things that I got, as we were preparing this series, is this book called Hollywood Heroes. The subtitle is How Your Favorite Movies Reveal God. It's not all just a spiritual, a Christian tract, if you will. There are some other great insights. One of the great insights it has about Steve Rogers/Captain America and the hero journey he goes on, that's different from a lot of the hero journeys that we'll be talking about, and that we're familiar with in the culture...

The book says this, "Unlike most superheroes, and despite being around almost 80 years in comic books," because Captain America did indeed date back to the '40s in comic books, "Captain America is unique in the sense that, as a character, he is static. He undergoes almost no moral change over the course of his story arc. Rather than a moral journey, we are instead treated to the story of his dedication, bravery, and commitment to his principles, often in the face of overwhelming odds."

That's his story arc. His story arc is going from physically weak to physically strong, but not changing internally, fortitudinally strong, and that is both rare, in many cases, and I think something we all can and should aspire to, especially as we encounter crucibles, because Captain America does not let his crucible define or stop him. Along the way, he becomes... Right? As the movies play out, he becomes the true crucible leader, in our language, of The Avengers, because they all recognize that he may not be the most powerful one. The Hulk is more powerful. Iron Man's smarter, but Captain America becomes the leader because of his innate qualities.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it's so true, that point you're making, Gary, from the Hollywood Heroes book. In very many cases, in real life, people may start out with a reasonable degree of character, but whether it's Hollywood or success in sports or in business, the more normal arc is they get carried away with the fame. They get surrounded by people who are hangers on and say, "Man, you're amazing. You're brilliant. You're fantastic," and they said, "Yeah, I pretty much am, aren't I?" And the character erodes with the fame and the money and the power, whether it's in politics or Hollywood or wherever. 

It's rare that politicians or people in movies or wherever are seen as incorruptible. We talk a lot in Crucible Leadership about Lincoln, who may be termed sort of the incorruptible man. His character, if anything, it was strengthened, but it wasn't changed. He was the same person before he became into office, or even the latter stages when he was greatly respected. It didn't change him, but that's rare. Somebody like Steve Rogers, with all the accolades and his physical strength and the admiration, most people would start saying, "I'm pretty hot stuff, aren't I? I'm pretty amazing."




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

The fact that he wasn't flies in the face of the more normal example in the culture that we live in, so that's something to be understood and modeled. Don't let success, whether it's in your neighborhood, high school, business... The size is irrelevant. Wherever you live, you could be pretty hot stuff, even if it's like a junior on a high school basketball team somewhere.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

Don't let the accolades destroy your character. Remember, be the same person in the sense of the good part of you, after you have succeeded. Steve Rogers is just an incredible example of that, which is, unfortunately, ultra-rare in our society today. Most people are corrupted by success, unfortunately.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yep, yep. There's a great scene at the end when it's VE day, Victory over Europe day, in the war, and there's a scene that shows these young kids playing in the street. They're all exultant because America's one the war, and they show this young boy. He's got a metal garbage can lid in his hand, and he's painted it up like Captain America's shield. He's painted up that garbage can lid like Captain America's shield, and he's playing Captain America with his friends.

We talk all the time here at Beyond the Crucible about the importance of leaving a legacy, something that you can be proud of, something that those who inherit that legacy can be proud of. Many times, that's your family. Here, what Captain America's done is left a legacy that his country can be proud of, that the next generation of his country can be proud of, and that is an absolutely key outcome, is it not, that we often discuss as the fruit of living a life of significance?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, at the time, as the war ends in Europe, Victory in Europe, somewhere around May 1945, give or take, everybody assumes that Captain America is dead. Now, maybe he's not, but nobody knows that at the time, and so whether it's his friends, like the colonel, Peggy Carter, Bucky Barnes, I mean, just people that really love him and respect and admire him, they think of him as somebody that's left a legacy of giving his all to his country, to the Allies, at least in the movie, of helping to defeat Nazi Germany, and living a life of character. 

It was never about him, but was standing up to bullies. It's a life of service. It was a life of humility. That's exactly the kind of thing that you want young people emulating and respecting. That's the legacy, as of the 1940s, that he had left. I mean, maybe we won't all be Captain America, obviously, but whatever level and whatever area, wouldn't you want that to be your legacy? That you're a man or woman that are respected for your character, how you lived your life, a life of service caring for others. Isn't that how we all want to be seen and respected after we've gone? I mean, to me, the answer is absolutely.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, and as we've said, as you've hinted again there, Captain America does not die. He crashes the plane in the water, and as is wonderful about the comic book world, you can have kind of miraculous things happen. He's frozen in suspended animation in the plane that he crashes in, and the U.S. Government pulls him out in the 2010s, and he hasn't aged. He's alive.

What's interesting about that is he emerges as a man out of his own time, but still rooted in his timeless principles. We see that in Captain America in all the films that follow, the two sequels to his movie, and then the four Avengers films. He spends... His belief, his faith in Bucky Barnes, his pal, exists, even though Bucky had been captured by the Nazis, had been programmed to become an assassin for HYDRA, had done some terrible things. The U.S. Government wanted to wipe him out, and Captain America, again, having faith and belief in his friend, wouldn't go along with that, defied some of his orders, because he believed in his friend. He was a loyal friend, who could see in the heart of the man who had been reprogrammed by the bad guys.

That, in the end, as you pointed out, as we were talking about this beforehand, that faith ends up being well-founded, doesn't it, in Bucky Barnes? He's not the Winter Soldier. Even though he's been programmed to be the Winter Soldier assassin for HYDRA, at the end of The Avengers movie arc, he's somebody. He's back to being Bucky Barnes, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. You know, as you said, Bucky Barnes was brainwashed by the Nazis and HYDRA, but Steve Rogers wouldn't give up on his friend. He felt like somewhere in there, beneath the programming, there was the good Bucky Barnes, his buddy growing up. He fought for that and eventually was able to redeem him, which is amazing.

In those latter movies, beginning with the movie that came after the first Captain America, well, I guess, at the end of that movie, come to think of it, he goes through another crucible. It's like, gosh, I've lost everybody I know. It's now 2010s.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

At that point, he doesn't have a clue where his beloved Peggy Carter is, and obvious, eventually, that will be revealed, but at the time he didn't know. Everybody that he'd known is probably dead or close to it, but it's like, okay. That's got to be a devastating crucible, to lose 70 years of your life, whatever it was at the time, but it's like, okay, this is pretty awful, but here I am. How can I serve my country? How can I serve the planet? What's the next mission? It's never about him. It's always about leaving a legacy, even when he loses many decades of his life, and for all he knows, at the time, his beloved Peggy Carter.

It was always about a life of service. It was never about him. Whatever crucible came, even a crucible of time, as you say, he was moored in his principles, and he always wanted to serve his country and serve the world. That was always, always him, and this is in a, how can I put this, character of humility. It's just incredible.




Gary Schneeberger:

I love that you mentioned his beloved Peggy Carter, because she does show up in some of the sequels. She's much older, obviously, because she's lived through the passage of time. She's aged, where he hasn't, and he visits her in the hospital in one movie, where she's ill, but he never loses that torch he has for her.

In the final Avengers movie, Avengers: Endgame, which involved some time travel, all the different Avengers have to go back in different places of time to retrieve these time stones, like the Tesseract that the villain Thanos has used to wipe out half of mankind. They have to go back and get them, so they can defeat Thanos. 

Captain America goes back, and he gets one of the stones. They get all the stones regathered, and Iron Man saves the day, loses his life in the process. That's not a spoiler. The movie's been out for a couple years, but at the end of the day, when that's done, earth has been saved, each of the Avengers has a role to play, to go back to the time where the time stone they have came from, to go put it back in place.

Captain America volunteers to go put the stone that he had back in place. There's a scene at the end of that movie, where the other Avengers are waiting for him to come back through the portal. It should only take seconds, what looks like it takes years. What takes years on the inside of the time travel, on the outside takes seconds.

They're waiting for him, and he doesn't come back, and they don't know why he doesn't come back. The audience finds out first why he doesn't come back. There's a scene that's cut to a house. The camera goes through a window, and there, inside the house, is Steve Rogers dancing with a young Peggy Carter. That dance that they talked about in the first Captain America movie that we've been talking about, that first dance that they never got to take, that she weepingly says, "I'll take a..." He says he'll take a rain check, and she says, "Yes, I'll meet you next week," and she knows it's not going to happen.

Captain America chose, rather than come back and continue to serve, he felt like he'd lived his life of significance. He'd given all he could to his country and to the world, and now it was his time to enjoy a different slice of a life of significance, and that was life with Peggy Carter, so he stayed in the 1940s. He married Peggy Carter, and that was the way that he lived out his life, because of what time travel allowed.

It was a very beautiful ending to this story, and it speaks to what we've been talking about. He felt called to serve. He lived a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others, and now that act of significance, that life of significance, now included love, marriage, and that which he had denied himself so long while pursuing his heroic calling. It was really a beautiful way to end the story arc of Captain America, I thought.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. It was never about being in the limelight. It was never about, hey, I'm part of S.H.I.E.L.D., and I'm part of all these incredible things that are going on in the present day, and hey, let's just keep on with the mission, and oh well. It's like, well, I've served my country. I've served the planet, and he just felt like the season is changing, and maybe... We don't really know what happened in the alternate universe, when he goes back to the '40s and what happened from the '40s on. That movie hasn't been made after Avengers: Endgame, but let's assume he lived a more quiet life. We don't know, but it's possible. Maybe it's teased a bit there.

It wasn't about the size of the impact. It was about, where am I called to now, and to have the opportunity to be around the love of your life, maybe have kids and a family. It was just never about the size of the impact. It was just try to be of value wherever that was, be it of big note or of small note. It was never about him. It was just try to serve a greater purpose and be a good friend, whether it be to... and husband to Peggy Carter, or a good friend to Bucky Barnes. It was always about just sticking to who he was before he had the serum. Really, it's a great end of the arc of his story.




Gary Schneeberger:

Absolutely, and we go back to what we started talking about early on, his view, carried throughout the movies, that I could do this all day. It's really... I didn't think about this until right now, as you were describing life with Peggy Carter. He's able to find, being with Peggy is something else he could do all day, and he gets the chance to do that, live many years with her, when he goes back to the '40s. That's just a beautiful wrap to his story and to the arc of how he dealt with crucibles and how he found a life of significance. It really is.

He's, I think, the perfect, the perfect hero for us to discuss, not just because yesterday, when listeners are hearing this, yesterday was the Fourth of July, Independence Day in America, right? It's not just because, just 24 hours ago, you saw fireworks and you had a cookout. It's because the story really does have application to how we can live lives of significance, and that, I think, makes it both entertaining, beautiful in its own superheroic way, and also quite meaningful.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, well said. It's a great character, a great movie to launch this series with, a selfless life, whose focus is always on others, not liking bullies, defeating Johann Schmidt and HYDRA, being loyal to his friends, Peggy Carter and Bucky Barnes. I mean, he's just a great role model of... He's a bit like they talk about Lincoln. Lincoln's greatness was not so much in defeating the South in the Civil War. Historians have said Lincoln's greatness was in his character.

Well, I think in a similar way, actually, Steve Rogers' greatness, Captain America's greatness, wasn't so much in the achievements or his physical strength. Steve Rogers' greatness was in his character. In that sense, you could almost say he's an Abraham Lincoln archetype in some way.




Gary Schneeberger:

Very well said, and a very good place for us to... I don't want to say land the plane, given some of the arcs of our, the beats of our conversation here. It's a good place to throw the shield in and say, "We're done." 

There's one thing I want listeners to ponder, again in this book, Hollywood Heroes. They have reflection questions, like you do every time on your blog, Warwick. They have reflection questions for how you can think about the story of Captain America, and one of them really struck me as something that would be good for people to think about, and that's this: "Captain America is other focused. His moral compass compels him to help others. Who do you know who tends to be other focused, and what do they do that helps them maintain that focus?" 

Another question that's also very good about that, says this: "Can you think of someone in your life who makes you better, the way that Captain America made other people better? Have you told them?" This idea that... Who's other focused? Who's someone who inspires you in that way? What do they do that helps them maintain that focus? How might you learn from them? And then, is there somebody who makes you better, who does that for you? Have you told them, and if you haven't, what are you waiting for? Both great questions to ponder as we wrap here, aren't they?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Yep, it's... Thinking of your moral compass, make sure that you stay true to your fundamental beliefs. Don't let the world erode you. I mean, it's funny. I haven't mentioned this that often, but when I was a teenager, I had this thought in my mind. I never wanted to become world weary, because I had this sense that the world, left to its own devices, can erode your character, erode your optimism, faith in others, and I never wanted to be cynical. I would say, by the grace of God, I'm not cynical. I am realistic, but I'm not cynical. 

You want to stay true to your moral compass, and yeah, think of people that have made you better. Yeah, I'm a great believer in encouragement. If there's somebody that's a role model, maybe it's your mom, dad, teacher, maybe it's somebody at work, think of why you admire them, and absolutely, as Gary, as you just said, tell them. Thank them, and tell them why. I always believe, if you're going to give a thank you, be specific, you know?




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

You are, in a lot of ways, a hero or somebody I admire because you did A, B, and C, whether it was their kindness, their compassion, their integrity, whatever it is, absolutely. It will bless them and encourage them and maybe reinforce them to keep going, because even our heroes can sometimes have days when they're a little tired.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yep. Well, with that, we're going to declare that Red Skull is defeated, and so is Thanos, and we're going to move on. Here's how we're going to do this, listener. We're not going to give you the full rundown of everybody we're going to talk to. We know who the... I mean, talk to. Yes, we're going to talk to... Our interview with Captain America was just supposed to have... No, everyone that we're going to talk about, all of the stories we're going to explore, we're not going to lay those out in advance, except at the end of each episode.

I will tell you now that next week, Warwick and I will talk about Batman and the lessons we can learn about overcoming crucibles and leading a life of significance from Batman. The primary, and there's a lot of iterations of Batman, as you know. The primary iteration that we're going to talk about is the 1989 Michael Keaton movie, just called Batman. We'll bring in some of the other stuff, but the primary movie we're going to talk about is that movie with Michael Keaton from 1989.

If you want to be up on the conversation, as Warwick and I go through it, you've got the opportunity to take a look at that movie over the next week, and listen in to our conversation as we get there. Until the next time we are together and have that conversation, remember that we know that crucible experiences are difficult. We know that it takes heroic efforts to move beyond them. You have to must that ability, that desire, that integrity to do this all day sometimes, when you feel like you can't go on. You have to find a way to do this all day, because the reward is you can learn lessons from your crucible that will pay dividends down the road, and that road will lead you, as you learn those lessons and apply them to your life, to exactly the place that Steve Rogers/Captain America found himself, not only when he was saving the world but also when he was spending eternity, the rest of his life, with Peggy Carter, and that is to a life of significance.


Lying in a hospital bed, unable to do anything for her only son but watch him leave and wondering if it would be the last time she’d see him was the traumatic crucible Sarah Willoughby faced after she turned to in vitro fertilization (IVF) in a desperate attempt to have another child. Diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and secondary infertility after losing another baby, she was at the end of her physical and emotional rope. That’s when she decided to stop trying to force her dreams to come true – and instead live her life with as much gusto and gratitude as she could. That determination has led her to a life of significance she couldn’t imagine at the depth of her crucible. She’s a life coach who helps clients love and heal themselves and is the author of a just-released book, INFERTILITY SAVED MY LIFE. 

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the Founder of Crucible Leadership.




Sarah Willoughby:

One of the most defining moments was realizing that I may not recover and having to send my son back to the UK with his grandma. And he walked out of the hospital doors holding his rabbit, his well-loved rabbit, in one hand and his grandmother's hand in the other and just turned around and looked at me and smiled. And I smiled at him and I thought, "I hope I'm okay. I hope I get to raise you."




Gary Schneeberger:

It's hard to imagine a more heartbreaking crucible than that. Lying in a hospital bed unable to do anything for your only son but watch him leave and wondering if it would be the last time you'd ever see him. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. Our guest this week, Sarah Willoughby, endured that unimaginably scary experience after turning to in vitro fertilization in a desperate attempt to have another child. Diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and secondary infertility after losing another baby, she was at the end of her physical and emotional rope. That's when she decided she was going to stop trying to force her dreams to come true and instead live her life with as much gusto and gratitude as she could. That determination has led her to a life of significance she couldn't imagine at the depth of her crucible. She's a life coach who helps clients love and heal themselves and is the author of a just released book, Infertility Saved My Life. She describes just how that's been true in ways you won't believe in this conversation with me and Warwick.




Warwick Fairfax:

I first heard about you, just saw some posting on social media, saw that you've got a book coming out with Morgan James. I guess the eBook's coming out in June which will be when the podcast... And then printed later in the year. So my book was published late last year, October 2021, by Morgan James. So yeah, we have that in common which is fabulous. And just the title of your book, Infertility Saved My Life, I mean it's counterintuitive and there's a whole story there that we'll unpack. So I loved the title and the butterfly on the front and just on your website, when you talk about is this your opportunity to transform your life? You talk about this is the right place if you're ready to heal, love yourself, achieve more, transform your life. So I love just what you're about. And obviously, your story's anchored by your crucible with polycystic ovary syndrome, PCOS, which I must confess I had not heard of until reading about you.




Warwick Fairfax:

But before we get a bit into your story, tell us a bit about the backstory. You grew up I think you mentioned in England before coming to Australia a number of years ago. So what's a bit of the backstory that makes Sarah Willoughby who you are and some of the threads that I'm sure you've picked up later on?




Sarah Willoughby:

Absolutely. So yeah, I grew up in the UK and I lived that typical life. I went to school, I studied hard. I spent six years at university and I followed the corporate path. So this life that I had expected for myself and other people expected for me. So I worked my way up the corporate ladder and I got there and I wasn't happy. It wasn't filling me with joy. But I didn't know how to leave because I felt like it was already too late, which is really ironic because I was actually only still in my early twenties. But I felt like I put so much work into this life and I knew where I was going and then it didn't really make my heart sing.




Sarah Willoughby:

So at the same time, I was going... And I was really stressed. I just want to say working in the corporate world was very, very stressful and I didn't feel like I was being a good employee, a good wife and a good mother at the time. I just felt like I was in survival mode, not thriving for sure. And at the same time, I was just going on this journey to try and have a second child, and that's where it all started to fall apart.




Warwick Fairfax:

So talk about PCOS and there's probably some listeners, maybe a number who don't know what that is. It changed your life in a lot of bad ways, but it seems like incredibly, given your book's called Infertility Saved My Life, there was some good that came out of just horrendous tragedy. So talk a bit about life was swimming along, you had a corporate job, a young son, a husband, maybe life could've been better but it doesn't sound like it was terrible.




Sarah Willoughby:

No. And yeah, from the outside looking in, I had it at all. I had a beautiful lifestyle. I traveled. I had a good income. I was using my brain. I'd spent six years at university so that was important to me. But my desire to have another child was the thing that really was pushing me forward in life and was very challenging. So I found out in my early twenties that I had PCOS, it was actually a very late diagnosis. And because I'd had my son very easily, I didn't think that I was going to struggle to have a second child. It just didn't even enter my mind. It took me two years to conceive. And at that point, I then had what's called a missed miscarriage which is when you're still releasing all the pregnancy hormones, but your baby's actually died. So a lot of women find out at their scan, their 12 week scan, that their baby had died a number of weeks before. And you have no idea.




Sarah Willoughby:

So at that point, I had to decide whether to wait for a natural miscarriage or whether to have surgery to remove everything because the pregnancy can continue for weeks and weeks and weeks. So I opted for surgery and that was really, really hard, really hard. And a lot of women go through this. I actually ended up on ward where lots of young girls were having abortions, so effectively the same operation but for different reasons. And no judgment around that, we're all at different stages in our life. But that was very, very confronting. I felt like the universe had put a baby in the wrong body sort of thing. And I felt very numb when I woke up from that surgery and I was crying and one of the nurses said to me, "Do you want to speak to the hospital chaplain?" And even though I wasn't religious, I said, "Yes." And that was absolutely life changing for me because she was the first person that acknowledged that I lost a baby.




Sarah Willoughby:

And I think for a lot of women and men going through infertility, there isn't that acknowledgement that you have lost a child. It's like oh, it's just a group of cells or just get over it. So there isn't that compassion and understanding. And she put on a proper funeral service for my family, so me and my ex-husband and my son. And that was beautiful. And the reason I share that is because for anybody going through infertility, there is a grieving process that you need to go through and there is an acknowledgement of the life that was that grew inside you that you felt, but a life that also now is not going to be. So that was really important for me. And from there, I basically was told there wasn't really much that they could do for me with how my body was reacting to everything. So I was told, "Go through IVF." So IVF is an emotional roller coaster. You're taking hormones, it's something that's done, again, behind closed doors. You don't talk about it. You don't want people to know.




Sarah Willoughby:

So I'm trying to carry on with this really stressful job and hold down my life at the same time that I'm trying to have another child. We went over to Norway actually to have the IVF because we'd lost a lot of faith in the UK system, and they messed up a lot of my care and detrimentally. So went over to Norway, had IVF treatment. And unfortunately, my body didn't like the drugs and it reacted very badly and I ended up in intensive care. And I can genuinely say I hope I never experience that level of physical pain in my life because I was on morphine and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. It was very, very confronting. I put on about 20 kilograms of fluid in about 72 hours. My body just filled up with fluid. I had fluid on my lungs, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was drowning. I had an enlarged heart. I was at risk of blood clots and there was just nothing that the doctors could do to stop the deterioration. They just have to treat each symptom as it arose.




Sarah Willoughby:

And I guess one of the most defining moments was realizing that I may not recover and having to send my son back to the UK with his grandma. And he walked out of the hospital doors holding his rabbit, his well-loved rabbit, in one hand and his grandmother's hand in the other and just turned around and looked at me and smiled. And I smiled at him and I thought, "I hope I'm okay. I hope I get to raise you." That was really challenging. And it made me realize like, "What have I done?" This was an elective procedure, I've put myself in this position. And I felt guilt and I felt shame and just excruciating physical, emotional, mental, spiritual pain.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow. I mean thank you for sharing that because obviously I know it's not easy. You share it for a purpose, to serve others which we'll get into. But you have a mixture of horrendous physical pain and emotional pain. I mean there's probably a whole sea of different things you're going through. I would imagine there's probably a number of people, a number of other women that have never heard of this secondary infertility. Your average person, average woman I imagine thinks once you get pregnant the first time, you're probably good to go. Obviously, as you get older, it gets tough. As you get closer to 40, it gets pretty difficult. When you're in your twenties, in theory, it's easier and then it gets harder as you go from 20 to 30 to 40.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so there's probably a lot of women that says, "Well Sarah, how can that possibly be? I mean you've already had a child, how can there be an issue, right?" You probably thought once I've had that first one, I'm good to go. Things are working the way they're meant to and let's go. So did you find other women like what is it and just couldn't understand what you were talking about?




Sarah Willoughby:

I think there was a lot of guilt for me around feeling the loss and the grief and the confusion and the resentment towards my own body because I'd already had a child. So I knew a lot of people who were struggling to have their first child. So this is something that a lot of women going through secondary infertility feel like they can't even talk about it. So there's a silence, an even bigger silence around secondary infertility because you feel like you should just be happy that you've had a child. And of course I was, he was my life.




Warwick Fairfax:

Right. So what you're saying is there are some women who've never had a child which would be saying maybe in their worst moments, and we all have them, who are you to complain? I would do anything to have a little boy, little girl, little child. And so they probably found it very difficult to understand why you would be... Because you can't really empathize fully with something you've never experienced. If they obviously have-




Sarah Willoughby:

No. And that's the same in life for anything, isn't it? Until we've walked in somebody else's shoes, we just can't understand. But I think because there's so much silence and stigma and shame around infertility and it's something we don't talk about, I think that's what makes it harder whereas if you're on a different health journey, there's a lot less silence around some of the other big issues that people face. So that's why I share my story because I want to break that silence. I want to really shine a light on this and take away that shame because we know that shame is the lowest vibration. And when we shine a light on shame, we take away the power that it holds over us.




Warwick Fairfax:

So you've talked obviously a bit about the physical excruciating pain, but it sounds like as bad, maybe worse, I don't know, but as bad with just the emotional torment that the mixture of shame, of, "What have I almost done to my son?" I mean every mother is going to think, "Nobody's going to be able to care for my child the way I can." That's just I think a part of being human, a part of being a mother. And nothing against grandparents or husband, you feel like, "I want it to be me because I'm going to love my child in a way that nobody else on the planet is going to be able to do." That's just your natural feeling I'm sure. So you've got that sense of maybe shame, anger, resentment. Maybe there was some anger and resentment against universe, God, or whatever. So talk a bit about those sea of emotions both towards you, towards others and maybe even to higher power, whoever's up there. Talk a bit about some of those emotions.




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah. I think for me, it made me realize how much resentment and hatred I had towards my own body. I was like, "Why is this happening? What have I done wrong? Was I a bad person in a past life? What's going on here? What lesson am I not learning?" I've always believed there's a lesson and a gift in everything that we experience, that nothing is black or white, life is about duality. So I knew that there was a bigger purpose for all of it. When I actually started to recover, when the process started to reverse itself and the doctors realized that I was going to be okay, which was incredible, one of the consultants who actually wasn't working on my ward at the time, she came in, it was about 10 o'clock at night, and she came and she sat down and she put her hand on my leg and she said, "You've been really lucky." And then she looked away and she had tears in her eyes and she became my guardian angel. I have so much gratitude for her because I really understood in that moment what she was telling me.




Sarah Willoughby:

She was telling me, "You're lucky to be alive. Life is really short." And that's the message that I try to share with people now is don't wait until you're in the situation that I was in. I got the biggest kick up the bum from the universe and I'm grateful for that because it changed my life. So that's why my book is called Infertility Saved My Life because it saved me from a life that would've lacked resonance. It took me on a different path, but the path that I was destined to be on that I had been too scared to follow. So in that moment when she'd left and I reflected and I laid in bed by myself and I thought, "I have to step up for myself and for other people. I have to be who I need to be. And I have to make these decisions to move forward in my life." And then from there, I recovered, went back to the UK. Fortunately, we had done the egg retrieval so I had 10 frozen embryos.




Sarah Willoughby:

And when I recovered, I went back to Norway and I had two transferred and I got pregnant with twins. And I was like, "This is why it's happened." I'd always had this romantic notion of twins. And I was so excited and we'd already started planning an emigration to Australia, sorry, and so my whole life was going to come over here, family of five. And then in that process of moving over here, I lost one of the twins and then I lost the other one. And then I sat with myself and thought, "Do I go? Do I stay? I've got nothing left to lose. We've got to go. We've got to start a new life." And we had no jobs to come to, we didn't know anybody. We just threw it all up in the air. We left the UK in the recession so we couldn't even go back if things hadn't worked out, we wouldn't have walked back into our jobs. And we came over here, began a new life and I surrendered. And I think that's what changed emotionally for me was I let go. I just surrendered. I let go.




Sarah Willoughby:

My life went into flight. I had this pivotal moment of lying on my bed thinking I feel peaceful for the first time in my life. Don't ever let me forget that. And within six weeks, I fell pregnant with my daughter who is now 11. And then four years later, I had my other daughter who is now seven. And for me, just that surrender to life was life changing. And again, that's what I try and share with other people that we have all the answers inside, but we can't always hear them. So let's connect with self to find them. But it's okay also to not have all the answers at any point in time. Just take that first step. Just be brave, show up for yourself.




Warwick Fairfax:

So boy, there's so much of what you've said. I mean it sounds like your worst moment, this whole PCOS, infertility changed the direction of your life ultimately for the positive. It was an extremely painful experience. And sometimes, certainly in my case which is extremely different, somebody's told me several times you can't compare crucibles, losing a $2 billion family media business which wasn't so much about the money, but 150 years of heritage felt like I'd let down generations of my family. And even the country in some warped sense and it was a pretty difficult experience. And I also left in this case to go to the U.S., my wife's American. So everybody's experience is different.




Warwick Fairfax:

But talk about, I think you've begun to, is how you let go of some of those negative emotions, whether it's anger towards the universe, some sense of self-loathing, self-hatred of, "How could I do this to my son?" Or how did you let go of those negative emotions to surrender? I don't know, it doesn't seem like it was a coincidence that after that happened, you had two more beautiful children. Because I know a lot of listeners are going to be wondering, "Well Sarah, how could you let go of that anger to yourself and to the world and the universe? How could you let go of that sea of negative emotions and anger and frustration and shame?"




Sarah Willoughby:

When my body healed itself and I had no long-term symptoms, I realized how amazing our bodies are. And I also realized that the relationship that I had with myself and what I was saying to myself was the most important one. Whether we like it or not, we're stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives, it's the only relationship that is guaranteed. And I made that conscious decision that it was going to be a good one and that I was going to practice self-care and that I was going to nurture myself. And instead of putting myself last, I was going to start putting myself first. And as women, a lot of us don't do that. We nurture and care for everybody else and we give so much of ourselves to everybody else that we have nothing left really for ourselves. But the analogy around you can't pour from an empty cup is so true. And our cup doesn't just need to be full, it needs to be overflowing so that we're not taking from the cup at any point.




Sarah Willoughby:

And that's the work that I do with a lot of people is helping them to understand that if you're okay, your family will be okay and those people around you will be okay. But if you fall over, then nobody's okay. So I think that change around mindset of celebrating my body, realizing that our body gives us clues all the time. We get a lot of our answers from our body. We feel it in our body. We get that gut instinct, intuition, whatever you want to call it. But we have that deep knowing. And when we can tune into that, then we are always on the right path. We just need to get rid of the distractions and actually be able to learn how to tune in. So that was really important for me in that journey of healing and realizing that anger was not serving me. And it's okay to be angry. We actually have to acknowledge our emotions and I'd pushed a lot of them away.




Sarah Willoughby:

And I think that was what changed too, was that I was able to start labeling how I was feeling and observe it without getting pulled into the drama and then allow it to just move through my body and let it go, because an emotion only really lasts for about 90 seconds. But we push it away, we push it away, we push it away. We don't want to feel it because it feels uncomfortable. But we need to do that because it's not the emotion that's the problem, it's what we do with the emotion and our behavior around that that's the issue.




Gary Schneeberger:

On the subject of emotions, and I might have heard you wrong, but a while back in this conversation, I thought I heard you say, and if this is what you said, I'd love you to unpack it a little bit, that shame is the lowest vibration. Did you say that?




Sarah Willoughby:

Yes. Yeah.




Gary Schneeberger:

That just struck me as very profound. What do you mean by that? Because a lot of people who go through crucibles who have those experiences that change the trajectory of their lives feel shame over it. Warwick went through that. I've gone through that.




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah.




Gary Schneeberger:

What does that mean it's the lowest vibration?




Sarah Willoughby:

What it means is my belief system is that we are all energetic beings having a physical experience. And we naturally resonate with people, don't we? We're drawn to certain people, we're drawn to certain situations and that's all energy. But shame is the lowest vibration in terms of when we sit in that energetic space, that's where a lot of people commit suicide. That's where a lot of people go in their darkest days and their darkest moments. But what disempowers shame is talking about it, is shining a light on it, is bringing it to light and realizing that a lot of the things that we are ashamed of people don't look at it in the same way. We hold a lot within ourselves and when actually share it with other people, we realize that nobody else feels that way.




Sarah Willoughby:

So it really is about talking to other people, whoever you feel comfortable, I'm sharing that with or somebody that's completely objective and just bringing it to light and starting to unpack it. But Dr. Brené Brown, I encourage people to read her work, follow her, she's been an incredible inspiration to me on my journey about understanding vulnerability, that's another one that is really difficult for people to understand, shame, empathy, courage, being brave. Her journey in itself is really, really inspiring. She now works with Oprah Winfrey and her TED talk, I really encourage people to watch her TED talk because it's gone viral.




Warwick Fairfax:

Help listeners understand why that's so important, just the willingness to seek help and certainly seek help from others, being willing to share these things.




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah, certainly when I was going through IVF, I fortunately had sought the help of a hypnotherapist. And one of the best pieces of advice that she gave me is that a lot of people make the mistake of allowing their tragedy or whatever they're going through, their lowest moments to define them. And like you said, we have a choice. We can use our pain to be powerful and become our purpose in some way or we can allow it to take us down. So I think mindset is just this crazy journey of every day having to catch our own thoughts because we are so critical. What we say in our own heads we wouldn't dream of saying to other people. And when we actually start to acknowledge some of those negative mindsets, the repetitive mindset that we have that is very derogatory, then we are halfway there to being able to stop it. We have 60 to 70,000 thoughts a day, 90% of those are repeated from the day before and 80% of those thoughts are negative.




Sarah Willoughby:

So we're already on this uphill battle of every day having to really work hard to change what's going on in our minds. And one of the things that's helped me is the word, "Yet." So putting the word, "Yet," on the end of a sentence, "I don't understand it yet, I'm not good at that yet," is really empowering. So there's lots of little things that we can do to actually help to reframe how we show up for ourselves and other people. And like I said, finding people that we trust. So finding a tribe, whatever you are going through in life, finding people that just love you for you, that understand you, that realizing we don't have to be perfect all the time. That's impossible, we can't be. There's a perfection in imperfection. When we start to be brave and we start to really be who we came here to be, we attract all those people into our lives that help us to continue to be our best version. So it's this vicious cycle and it's a beautiful one when we actually trust ourselves.




Warwick Fairfax:

Talk about what motivated you to write that book which I think you've talked about some of. And what from my words, if you don't mind me, your ministry, your work, your coaching, yeah, just what do you feel that your life's mission is through this book and your mission to help others is?




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah. So the reason I wrote the book and it has been a very confronting journey because it's my story, so I know that you will understand that. So the first part of the book is a memoir, it's my life story and how I got to where I am now. And then the second part are the tools and techniques and wisdom and insight that I learned along the way, things that I wish I'd known sooner as well that helped me through that. So I wanted it to be a really practical resource for people. So it wasn't just a story of so what do I do now? How does that impact my life? How can I move forward? I wanted to integrate the two things. But the reason that I wrote it is primarily because I don't want anybody else to go through what I felt when I was going through my infertility journey, because I felt so much shame, silence, stigma, isolation and I dealt with a lot of this behind closed doors. And we don't need to because the statistics show so many people all around the world are dealing with this.




Sarah Willoughby:

We all know somebody who is dealing with infertility or we will do, and those figures are increasing. So we can hold space for those people. Even if we don't understand that journey, we can hold space for those people to be able to make that journey easier for them. So that's the reason that I've written the book is to break that silence and to help ease suffering and pain because that's why we're all here. We're all connected. We are all just walking each other home in very different ways, but that's the reality of what we're all here doing. And we can do that with love and compassion or we can become very self-centered and just think that life is just about our journey, but it's not. It's about the bigger picture. I also wanted to leave a legacy for the generations to come. So I wanted to leave something that would touch those people whose lives... I'll never meet those people.




Sarah Willoughby:

But if I could just help one person, then my work is done. It was very much about that. In terms of the work that I do now, I just love supporting people to see themselves, truly see themselves and realize who they are, see their potential, connect with their heart space, really help them to live more fulfilled lives because I believe that if we were all doing that, we wouldn't have war, we wouldn't have crime, we wouldn't have hate, we'd be in a different space. And again, the ripple effect of that, the ripple effect of the work that you're doing is huge. We don't necessarily see that with our own eyes, but we know from a heart space that we need to do this work. All of us need to do the work on ourselves, but we need to do the work for other people.




Warwick Fairfax:

It seems like there's two levels in a sense in your book, one is others who are dealing with infertility and if you have it, and obviously not all women do, I mean a huge amount do, but certainly the secondary infertility that even women that struggle with infertility may not be aware of this, take away the stigma of that and help people just give themselves some love and grace. But as you've mentioned, there's another level with people that are dealing with shame and self-judgment from any challenge, there's a whole other level in your ministry in a sense, your work that's so important. And I love this phrase, I think you have it on your profile somewhere, and I love what you wrote. You wrote, "If you have an idea or a dream that still needs to be birthed into the world, don't give up. Everything happens in divine timing and if you keep trusting, the universe will co-create with you."




Warwick Fairfax:

Well in some sense, the tragedy you went through you used as a springboard for a dream, for a bigger purpose in your life. And that seems like that's your message to the wider world. So how would you put that message to that wider world, those who are dealing with shame and grief and they may not be seeing themselves as having a dream, or they may think to themselves, "I'm worthy of nothing. Nothing I have can help anybody. I just need to hide in a hole until it all ends," because there are some people that feel that way? "Just don't look at me, shun me. Please shun me, I deserve to be shunned." Talk about how you have a different vision for people.




Sarah Willoughby:

I think for me, I connect with people on a soul level. So I see beyond all the facade, the masks that we wear. And I really encourage people to start to get still. So we've talked about mindfulness, we've talked about for me, meditation was that thing that saved my life. If I hadn't had learned meditation, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have got through what I went through when I was in hospital in Norway all those years ago. So nature is that thing that helps me every single day to get out of a dark hole or a dark head space or however I'm feeling. So that is something that each and every one of us can do. Even if you don't believe in yourself, even if you don't believe you're worthy, even if you don't know where your life is going, I really encourage people to go outdoors to just be, not do, we spend our whole lives doing and we just need to spend more time being.




Sarah Willoughby:

And what happens when we're in nature is that everything just starts to fall away, our mind, the negative monkey mind chatter that goes on constantly starts to lessen and we start to connect with our heart space. And when we start to feel that, we start to feel worthy and it's a process and it's a practice and we need to push ourselves to do it and go out, even when we don't feel like it. It's like going to the gym, even when you don't feel like going to the gym, remember the feeling that you have when you come home and you're like, "I did that workout and I pushed myself." We can do that gently, we can do that in nature, we can do that with meditation, we can do that through prayer. We can do whatever our belief system is, but really commit to finding that thing for you that fills you up, that brings you joy because you need to draw on that for when you're going through those challenging times.




Warwick Fairfax:

I know we're getting close to closing, but I want to just dwell a bit on what you've said here, Sarah, because it's so profoundly true. Like you, I love nature and because I'm a reflective person, I can reflect on all sorts of things, some of them positive, some of them not so positive. And just over the weekend, we happened to be in far Northern Michigan for the summer. My wife doesn't like hot weather, she's got a Norwegian Irish background. And so anyway, it doesn't get too hot where we are because we're so far north. But there are just beautiful woods, birch trees which obviously you have them in the UK. I'm sure if you go up north and certainly in Norway, you would have them-




Sarah Willoughby:

Yes.




Warwick Fairfax:

When you were there. And just walking in the woods, we went on this just beautiful bike trail. And I remember thinking to myself, "Okay, I'm going to focus on being present right here, right now for this second. I'm going to listen to the wind going through the trees, the sunlight speckling through, then looking at the meadows and the fields and the farm houses in the distance, the beautiful mid-seventies weather," which for those in Fahrenheit, probably 20 Celsius somewhere. But I remember thinking to myself, "I'm going to focus on being present and being so grateful for this incredible bike ride and then earlier this incredible walk in nature." And whoever you believe created it all, it makes you think, "I'm a part of something bigger than myself and how blessed I am to experiencing this beautiful spot." For us, it could be nature, others, it could be music, whatever transports you to a place where you're focusing on something that's positive that helps you heal your soul. I mean it does work, it does for me. I love walking in nature or cycling in nature. It's awesome.




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah, it is the most beautiful experience. And I didn't realize how connected to nature I was until I moved over to Australia and I know I'm blessed to live by the beach and just watching the sunset, the sunrise is so incredibly healing. And it's like you said, you realize you're just a small part in this amazing world. It's just we're all connected and we're just part of something so much bigger. We're a drop in the ocean, but we're part of the whole ocean. And I think when we really understand that, that is when life changes and gratitude has been huge for me.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well since you mentioned the G word, gratitude, I have to comment on that. So I so love, love that point. And obviously, I didn't create this whole idea, there's a bunch of people who've written on gratitude, but I do, when I start getting negative, try to focus on I'm so blessed. I have an incredible wife of over 30 years, I have three adult kids, two boys and a girl, I'm so blessed by them. We go to a non-denominational church in Maryland. I mean there's so many things. I love what I do in Crucible Leadership and the team that we have. I have a long list of things that I'm so grateful and so blessed by. And so dwell on the things that you're blessed by.




Warwick Fairfax:

I'm sure you probably have a long list. You have I'm sure three wonderful kids. You live in a beautiful part of Australia, the Mornington Peninsula, South of Melbourne. I mean I'm sure you love what you do, you've got a book coming out. I mean those are just probably the tip of the iceberg just of the little things I know that we've spoken about. There's probably a longer list. But rather than focusing on why life is so bad and life's not easy, just being in nature and just being grateful, focusing what you're grateful for. You go through that list, after a while, it'd be pretty tough for that despondency not to break a little bit, right? Some rays of sunshine to break through the clouds.




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to say with the gratitude thing too, it can be something really small. And I think for some people, when they're in that really difficult head space, as the saying goes, you can't see the wood for the trees and you can't find the things to be grateful for. So start small, be grateful for the warm cup of tea you're drinking, be grateful for the hot shower you had this morning, be grateful for the bed that you're lying in. But really just start to notice and take note and write things down, three things every morning or every evening, whatever works best for you, write them down. And before you know it, you'll have a whole book of things that you can read back when you're having a really bad day and say, "Okay, I do actually have these amazing things in life," because I think previously, I'd thought that you couldn't be happy and angry at the same time.




Sarah Willoughby:

You couldn't have all these conflicting emotions at the same time, but you can be going through the hardest time of your life and you can still be grateful. And some of those moments that were hardest in my life, ironically I have the most gratitude for those because they had a bigger purpose. They had a bigger purpose. When I think of gratitude, lying in hospital in the most intense pain, but one of the things that I'm so grateful for is that lady that came, that consultant that came to speak to me. Those two things at the time were just... But they can both exist at the same time. You can be grateful and find moments of happiness even when you're grieving, even when you're going through the hardest times.




Gary Schneeberger:

Also, what can happen at the same time is you can be in a plane and the plane is about to land. And that sound you just heard, listener, was the captain turning on the fasten seatbelt sign indicating that we're going to land this conversational plane in a bit. But before we do, I have to point out something that I love. I love a lot of things about co-hosting this show. The thing I love the most is when Warwick and the guest speak the same words in different languages, if you will. There have been so many instances in this conversation with you, Sarah, in which you've said something that's a shading of what Warwick talks about all the time in Crucible Leadership. And the one that sticks out to me, Warwick defines the end goal of moving beyond your crucible as a life of significance. And he defines that as living a life on purpose dedicated to serving others.




Gary Schneeberger:

And you used a phrase in this conversation, it just slipped by, but I wrote it down because it strikes me that that's your way of saying the same thing. We're all just walking each other home. There's just something so beautiful about that idea of, again, you're living your life on purpose, you're noticing things and you're serving others, we're all just walking each other home. That's just one of the examples and it's just one in this episode in which you guys have talked about similar things, similar rhythms in different words. And that shows me the universality of the principles of what we're talking about. I would be remiss before the plane gets on the ground though, Sarah, if I did not give you the chance to let listeners know how they can get in touch with you, how they can know more about your book and how they can buy your book. So where can they find you on the internet?




Sarah Willoughby:

Thank you. So through my website, sarahwilloughby.com.au. I'm also on LinkedIn, Sarah Willoughby 2019, and Instagram and Facebook, Sarah Willoughby Australia. So basically search my name and you will find me. I love connecting with people. In terms of my book, my ebook is being launched on the 7th of June, which also happens to be my birthday-




Warwick Fairfax:

Happy birthday. That is wonderful timing.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yes, that's perfect.




Sarah Willoughby:

Yeah. And I didn't even tell them it was my birthday, but that was what was chosen. So I love that. And seven is a very spiritual number, so it's all just perfectly aligned. So that's available as an ebook on the 7th of June and then it's available in global bookstores on the 6th of December from all the usual online retailers and places. So I really encourage people to, even if it's not for them, there's probably going to be somebody that might need to hear that story of hope and inspiration. So thank you.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, as always and as appropriate, the last question or two are all yours.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well Sarah, thank you so much for being here. I just find your whole message so encouraging, it's a message of hope. And gosh, I feel like your story in part, I love the title of your book, Infertility Saved My Life, it was excruciatingly physically painful, spiritually, emotionally, I don't know, I can't think of too many other axes, but whatever axes there are in life, you felt them all in a huge way. But yet in some ways, the life you're living, the life of purpose which you are dedicated to serving others was birthed in the excruciating pain on every level at that time. And I know it's not easy to understand if today's your worst day, whether it's through infertility or it might be hard to understand, but maybe it's a message of hope.




Warwick Fairfax:

Talk about how you've found some purpose in the pain that you went through. And I know for me, I'm guessing it's true for you, it doesn't eliminate the pain, but somehow it makes it easy to deal with. So talk a bit about that whole pain for purpose and Infertility Saved My Life. Talk a bit about how that crucible may be excruciating, but good can come of it and how it can almost be healing in some ways. I don't know, does that make sense at all?




Sarah Willoughby:

It does. I think for me, I realized that this was bigger than me. This wasn't just about me. And I think I went on this journey of realizing that I was enough. Everybody is enough as they are. And when we get to that place of accepting who we are, flaws and all, then life really does change. And when we realize that we're enough, then we want to find our unique gifts and talents and skills and we want to share those with the world because we need them. You think of all the people that have come before us and all the inventions and all the beautiful things that this world offers us, that all happened because people were brave and because they stepped up and they believed in themselves and they believed in their dream, their goal, their vision, whatever it was. And then they took action. So it's not just enough to have the dream, we've actually got to take those steps.




Sarah Willoughby:

So whatever people need to do to get to that place of feeling enough, we've talked about it, connecting with self, mindfulness, prayer, being out in nature, writing, seeking help from others, connecting with your tribe, whatever it is, do one small thing today, take one small step right now, as soon as you've finished listening to this, because I learned the hard way how short life is. And would I have had a life of regret? I absolutely would for all the things that I didn't do, for the fact that the music was going to die inside me, for all the things that I hadn't been brave enough to walk towards. Everybody has that ability, that opportunity right now to draw a line in the sand whatever they're going through and say, "Enough is enough. My life starts again right now." And I really encourage people to do that and to find the tools to help them to do that every day.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communication business long enough to know when the last word on the subject has been spoken and Sarah Willoughby just spoke it. She didn't just speak the last word, she also did my job because I was going to round up all the things that she said as we closed the show and she just listed them all off. So I don't have to do that because Sarah is such a good communicator that she also gets it and she summarized everything that we've talked about in that last statement. So I'm left with this, listener. You've heard Warwick talk a little bit here about his story and you've heard the commonalities between Warwick's bounce back from his crucible and Sarah's bounce back from her crucible, completely different crucibles, but the emotional journey back, very similar in some ways. And you can learn more about Warwick's or learn more about it, again, Warwick's journey by reading his book, buying his book, Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life of Significance, which you can order on our website at crucibleleadership.com.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's also lots of other resources there that Warwick provides. There's blogs, there's an assessment that helps you understand where you are in your own journey in charting a course toward a life of significance. So come to crucibleleadership.com and spend a little time getting to know the assets that are there. And since Sarah took my ending away, I'm going to steal an ending from her website because as Warwick hinted earlier or said earlier, there's some things on her website that are just really profound. And on Sarah's website, when you go there to learn more about her, she gave you the website earlier, there's a slogan at the top right next to her name, Sarah Willoughby. And it says this, and I want to leave you with this based on this discussion, listener, and that is that, "Life begins right now. You've got this." That's the message of what we've just talked about. That's the message of Beyond the Crucible.




Gary Schneeberger:

So listener, until the next time we're together, do remember, we understand your crucible experiences are difficult, they're painful, they're traumatic. They can knock the wind out of your lungs and change the trajectory of your life. But as Warwick and as Sarah both have talked about today and have proven with their lives, they're not the end of your story. They can in fact be the beginning of a brand new exciting story, one that brings your heart alive as they've both said, one that if you take one little step at a time, you can get on a course toward the best chapter of the best story of your life because where it leads you ultimately is to a life of significance.

Ian Dibb knows firsthand that from the ashes of your crucibles are born the strength and wisdom to not only survive – but to live a life dedicated to serving others. Dibb’s most devastating moments were the deaths of his sister and his mom within months of each other – life-rattling tragedies that birthed his calling. He turned his pain into purpose after struggling to settle the estates left behind by his loved ones – an experience that led him to launch keylu, an online portal that helps users organize their assets for those they’ll one day leave behind. As he explains, his efforts are about more than just keeping important documents in order. They’re also about preserving important memories that give your legacy is greatest meaning.

To learn more about Ian Dibb and keylu, visit www.keylu.com

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Ian Dibb:

I could have easily just sat back and let the grief swallow me. There was points when I'd wake up in the morning and think, "Well, what's this all about?" The sadness and emptiness I felt for a while was too much at times to really bear and I actually thought to myself, "Why?" I was 28 at the time. I'm 46 now. The choice I made was to I've had to go through this. So the toughest steel is made in the hottest fires. We are given experiences to help others and my experience of losing my sister and mum has given me this energy to do whatever it takes to help people.




Gary Schneeberger:

Have you been through, are you going through right now some of your life's hottest fires? This week's guest, Ian Dibb, has some words of comfort for you if you are. From the ashes of your crucibles are born the strength and wisdom to not only survive, but to live life dedicated to serving others. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. Dibb's hottest fires were the deaths of his sister and his mom within months of each other, life-rattling tragedies that birthed his calling. He turned his pain into purpose after struggling to settle the estates left behind by his loved ones, an experience that led him to launch Keylu, an online portal that helps users organize their assets for those they'll, one day, leave behind. But as he tells me and Warwick in our interview, his efforts are about more than just keeping important documents in order. They're also about preserving important memories that give your legacy its greatest meaning.




Warwick Fairfax:

Before we get a bit into your crucible story, just give us a bit of the background of Ian Dibb and some of the threads that make you who you are and maybe have led to what you do now, but tell us a bit of the backstory of you and your family.




Ian Dibb:

Yeah. I was born in Liverpool. We lived there. Mum was a GP. My dad worked for the British Medical Association. I had an older sister, Jane. I've got two younger sisters, Amy and Beth. We moved down to Cornwall when we were five, beautiful place. It's a great place for me as a dad now. This was my mum's reasoning from moving to Cornwall. It's a safe place. There's not much going on. It's quite sleepy. We're a four-hour flight from London, which is incredible. But at the same point, for me, it's been an absolute blessing. We had moved out to Cornwall when we were five. Attended school, did the normal stuff, part of a family of six. It's just been a journey. I'm one of these guys who never really looks at the end destination. I enjoy the day to day, believe we're very much on a journey, which none of us knows what's going to happen, but I just embrace it and it's something I've always said to my family about.




Ian Dibb:

I don't care what they become, but as long as they're better people and they leave this world a better place they came into it. So that might be they become the next prime minister or it might be they just become somebody who cares for people who makes a difference to their lives. My background, I went to university in Worcester, not too far from actually Warwick in the UK. After I left university, I decided I want to see the world, so I left and went through Thailand, Malaysia. Ended up in New Zealand, living there for a while and it was while I was in New Zealand actually my crucible story really took effect.




Warwick Fairfax:

Okay. Wow. Well, yeah, talk about that. That's a great lead in. So in New Zealand, so talk about what happened next.




Ian Dibb:

Yeah. So I was living in New Zealand. It was amazing, such a beautiful place and the place I would've dearly liked to stay. While I was traveling, my mum, Anne, was a GP and she was complaining about back pain for the best part of 12 months, but just put it down to some kind of pulled muscle. I spoke to mum daily. I would still love to speak to mum daily. But while I was there, I received a phone call from mum and the message was, "Ian, your sister's gone missing." To most people, it wouldn't be that much of a big deal, but my sister Jane had been suffering from bipolar for the best part of 18 years. Numerous suicide attempts in her life. Every single one of them had failed, fortunately, but this was a different occasion.




Ian Dibb:

A week later, I got another phone call from mum about half past 1:00 in the morning and that could only mean one thing. I got the call from mum and it said, "Ian, we found your sister and she'd taken her own life." It was devastating, absolutely devastating. As much as you know one of your loved ones has bipolar, there is a high chance you might lose them, you never really think it's going to happen. So I flew back from New Zealand back to the UK. I think it was the following day and started the preparations for my sister's funeral. I was 26 at the time. Jane was 28. I'm back in the UK for two weeks, dealing with the funeral and also my sister just bought a house, so having to deal with that as well. Eventually, we went into hospital late one evening and she was diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer. So that back pain actually turned out to be a grapefruit-sized tumor underneath her lung.




Ian Dibb:

As a doctor, mum knew exactly what that diagnosis meant. So it went from a family of six within a two-year period to losing two of the most inspirational people I've ever met. It was a point in your life where you either just let this wash over you and have let grief take hold of you and destroy you or you actually say, "Well, if this has happened to me, how many other millions of people is this going to happen to? Why does it need to happen in the way it happened to me? What could be done to make a difference in these people's lives?" So yeah, it was a dreadful time in my life, but off the back of that, it's given me a absolute mission to help other people who will eventually go through the same situation.




Warwick Fairfax:

You mentioned your mum and sister were an inspiration. Just talk about who they were as people and why they had such a massive influence in your life.




Ian Dibb:

My mum, as I mentioned, was a GP, but she was just one of the funniest, most caring people I've ever known. Just super kind, super caring. For me, I looked to mum. It's 5:30 and I'd be looking at the door, waiting for her to come in. I would spend hours listening to her, just being with her. Mum and dad didn't have the best relationship, so I always made sure mum was okay. From the day I left the university till the day she passed away, I probably either spoke to her or saw her every day. My sister Jane didn't have it easy. For 18 years, she suffered from bipolar. She was a teacher. She was an incredible teacher and she would often put herself into really difficult situations or places to challenge herself and she didn't have an easy time, but she kept positive though. They never lost their faith right to the end.




Ian Dibb:

As a nonbeliever at the time or somebody who had taken a step off the track, to see them go through what they did and maintain their faith and love was unbelievable. I've been blessed. We haven't had the easiest of life, but even to have, I think the best part of 28 years with mum and 26 years with Jane, it's not about how long you have, it's about the time you have with that person. They are still the people that when things go well in my life or things go bad, I want to pick up the phone and speak to them. I can't anymore, but yeah, I was blessed for those years I did have them.




Warwick Fairfax:

You mentioned your mum had a very strong faith. Just talk about that and the impact it had in your life, because in some ways, she sounds almost like a role model of a mother and a human being that just... A lot of people have difficult parents, but it sounds like you had about as good a mother as it's humanly possible to have. So just talk about her and her faith and the impact it had on your life.




Ian Dibb:

Faith is one of the most interesting things that I couldn't understand why when mum had been dealt with some of the toughest cards you can be, a daughter with bipolar, I said failed marriage, your own terminal diagnosis, but yet to still smile and shine, it just shows you actually that there's got to be something behind this. We had this kind of jokey relationship. My mum says, "Look, Ian. I'm not concerned. He's going to get you. You will become a believer." And I was like, "No, mum. That's never going to happen. It's not going to happen." Then one day, it was probably five, six years ago that I attended an Alpha course, walked into the Alpha course and instantly felt this peace flood over me like I haven't felt for the best part of 10 years. It was incredible this peace I felt. I instantly felt a small section of what mum had been blessed with as a Christian her entire life.




Ian Dibb:

One of the things mum had written in her Bible was, my children will find faith through their spouses. My wife found God two years before me and my wife was the one who got me onto the Alpha course. All of a sudden, all these things which I used to put down to coincidence actually started making sense. Even when mum was on her final day, she said, "Ian, you don't need to worry about me. I'm going to a better place," and she was completely at peace, completely at peace of where she was going. I just remember on her final day, she was in the hospice. It's quite late at night and I spent the evening with her. She turned around and looked over her shoulder and she said to me, "Ian, I love you," and that was the last thing I've ever heard from mum. It's something that sticks in my heart, that somebody who had been through so many difficulties had the strength to inspire even at the very last minute.




Warwick Fairfax:

How did you get beyond that? Because listeners are probably going to be thinking, they had obviously faith, your sister, Jane, and your mum, and you go through that, a lot of people would be pretty angry. Maybe some people "deserve" to die sooner, sometimes the humanly thinks so, but mum? No way. Not her. She's a saint. That makes no sense. I needed a few more decades with her. How did you deal with, for most people, would be anger, frustration? How did you get beyond that? I'm assuming you felt that.




Ian Dibb:

Yeah, horrifically. Losing Jane was tough because Jane was 28 and she was at the start of her life. She'd just bought a brand new house the week before she took her own life. The pressure of that was too much. Unfortunately, in the way my sister took her life, there was no way back. Most of the time, she would find a way back from it. So there was a part of me saying if I was in the UK at the time, could I have helped? Would I have been there? So you've got that survivor guilt to a certain level. With mum, I would've given my own life for my mum in a heartbeat in the same way as I would my daughter. You don't even need to ask me that question. I would be there. I'd put myself and switch instantly. So for a lot of time, there was an immediate anger, especially with God to say, "How can you let this happen? This is one of your best disciples. Somebody who's loved you and worshiped you since the day they were born."




Ian Dibb:

But then there was a kind of off switch, which was a kind of numbness which just takes over. So the grief goes. You go for a period of just existing. You don't have the super highs. You don't have the super lows. You continue to progress. From the outside, everything looked rosy. My friends would've said, his life is all a party, but inside, I was just feeling almost empty. Then it really only changed when my daughter was born and she came into the world. I go, "Okay, I can't do this anymore. Now I'm a dad. My job now is to give my daughter the safest, most loving environment I can, to know that I will do anything for her," and it changed everything, but there was still that underlying sadness, which probably lasted between six and 10 years. It really only fully disappeared when I walked into the church on the Alpha course that evening. It was like being jet washed with love. It wasn't just from the past, it was just this peace I felt. It's what, probably now six years I've been a Christian.




Ian Dibb:

Don't get me wrong. It hasn't given me the easiest times in the world. I still have my challenges. I still have tough days. I had amazing days, but off the back of the Alpha course and my growing faith and my family's faith as well, I have a peace. My sisters, unfortunately, aren't in the same place as me. They still take antidepressants quite a lot to get through this. I'm trying to get them to come on the Alpha course with me because I know it'd be incredible for them, but unfortunately in the female side of our family, we have got this depressive gene. My mum's mum had it. My mum had it to a certain level. Obviously, my sister, Jane, took her own life, and my younger sisters had the same kind of gene, which runs through the family. But I know I was the kind of guy who will try and bring lightness. I say that I'd like to be the lighthouse on the cliff providing safety and somewhere these people can go to. I'm always there for them in the same way as my mum always was.




Warwick Fairfax:

You mentioned earlier just about choice and one of the things we say on Beyond the Crucible all the time is you go through a horrific tragedy like you did in the space of, what was it? Like 18 months losing a sister and a mum, beloved sister and mum. You could have been angry and bitter against God, against yourself. Gosh, if I'd only been in the UK and not New Zealand, maybe I could have saved my sister, which is unknowable. But the unknowable things are often the ones that taunt you the most. You can't prove that it's wrong, that there's nothing you could have done. That's not like, "Oh, I'm convinced I couldn't have..." You can't prove that case. So because it's unknowable, that's the kind of thing that can haunt you.




Warwick Fairfax:

You had a choice in which one side would be for the rest of your life, the next 20, 30, 40, 50 years to be angry at God and angry at yourself and gone to, I don't know, drugs, alcohol, or there's all sorts of manner of destructive behaviors, but you made a choice not to go there. Part of it was your faith. Because there are some folks that are listening today. Maybe they have lost loved ones and they're angry at themselves and God. What would you say to folks like that? What does it mean to make that choice? Talk about that choice and what that meant for you.




Ian Dibb:

Yeah. There's a quote I love by Winston Churchill, which is, "If you're going through hell, keep going." Why would you stay in a place which is painful? Luckily, through my experience, I'm connected to some incredible people who've lost far more than I ever will. These people have lost children and they've lost so much and yet, these are the people who say, "Well, I'm going to make a difference because I don't want anyone else to go through this." So I could have easily just sat back and let the grief swallow me. There was points when I'd wake up in the morning and think, "Well, what's this all about?" The sadness and emptiness I felt for a while was too much at times to really bear and I actually thought to myself, "Why?" I was 28 at the time. I'm 46 now. The choice I made was I've had to go through this. The toughest steel is made in the hottest fires. We are given experiences to help others and my experience of losing my sister and mum has given me this energy to do whatever it takes to help people.




Ian Dibb:

It was quite late one night we received an email into the platform of somebody whose son had joined our website and had sadly passed away. We took his mum through the process of dealing with the estate and he'd left her a message. That one message was if that's all we ever achieved at Keylu was enough because it gave her peace of mind that she had done all she could for her son and how much she loved her. For the entire team at Keylu, it just blew our minds that we've made a difference. So many people go through life without really making a difference. They exist and they have a lovely time and go on their holidays, but they don't make a difference. I want to save people from the pain I've been through. If it was 10 people, 100 people, a million people, that's my mission. To get people thinking ahead and actually to make you think, "Well, if this is going to happen to me, what can I do to make this easier for my loved ones?" I guess in life, that's something we all do.




Ian Dibb:

We keep our children safe. We do all we can to make sure we provide a safe environment. That's what I wanted to create. I wanted to give people a place where they can do something to help their loved ones.




Warwick Fairfax:

Let's talk about Keylu. How did that happen? It's a magnificent concept as we'll hear, but what were you doing at the time professionally? What was life like and what were those strands that led to Keylu happening?




Ian Dibb:

After mum passed away, I was working for a print company running their digital studio. It was a simple job. It didn't take too much mind power, which is what I needed after losing mum. I remember sitting around my sister's house one evening and it just came into my head actually. Why don't people plan for this? I sat around with the family and said, "Look, guys. If I build this, would you use it?" and it was 100% yeah, absolutely. This would've made our life so much easier with mum and with Jane. So then I asked a few more people and a few more people and said, "Look, if I build this platform, would you use it?" Back then, it wasn't Keylu. We were called Once I've Gone. What happens once I've gone? What happens to your information once I've gone?




Ian Dibb:

So Once I've Gone came from a simple conversation, and then I just checked it with dozens and dozens of people saying, "If I build this platform, would you use it?" So we built a very early stage platform way before people were using technology as they are today. It was too early, so we parked it for a few years. Then technology has since caught up and as a result of that, we rebranded as Keylu. We wanted to not really just focus on end of life planning. No matter, even though we know we're all mortal and there will be a time we're not here, actually, we should be managing our lives on a day to day basis. So really, Keylu moved into the place where it's not focused on planning for death, it's managing your life. Then if something happens, it's easier for your loved ones. So very much, it's been a journey from initial sat around a table with the family to where we are today, Warwick.




Warwick Fairfax:

I think from what you said before, there's a need for this, but it's personal because talk a bit about how it's not a judgment. Everything wasn't tied up in this nice, neat bow with papers and memories and photo albums and videos. There wasn't a Keylu back when your mum and Jane died, but talk about how this is personal, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but to a degree you don't want other people to go through what you went through. Just help the listener understand why this isn't just a business, it's very personal for you.




Ian Dibb:

Oh, hugely. As I said, Jane was 28 when she passed away. She was a teacher. She had documents here, there, and everywhere. Mum, 57, GP, two or three filing cabinets full of data. Some of it was live. Some of it wasn't. It really was a traumatic 16 months in my life trying to organize the estate administration and probate. Very difficult, especially when you're not prepared for it. But then the emotional side comes in that you no longer got any opportunity to speak to that person and I deeply miss hearing my mum's voice. It's been 16 years with Jane, 18 years with mum. What would I give for one sound bite from each of those people for me? That would be far more valuable than all the different assets they own. Off the back of that, you start to realize that we spend a huge amount of time on our phones. We capture photos and videos, but how often do we turn the camera around and capture a moment with somebody?




Ian Dibb:

One of the things we love to do is I taught my daughter Alice to ride a bike. She rode off across the field. I turned the camera around on myself and said, "Alice, it's your dad. You just learned to ride your bike. You have no idea how proud I am of you and how much I love you." I store that in Keylu because that is a unique moment in my child's life. That is what I wanted from my mum and my sister, that type of knowledge that there might be a point they weren't in my life, but they planned for that, the emotional side that when somebody passes away.




Ian Dibb:

There's a lovely saying that when an old person dies, a library burns to the ground, because all that knowledge that person contained is gone. What we want to do with Keylu is actually help you to curate your own legacy, so recording messages, moments, favorite times, songs you and your family love together. So if something was to happen, it's all passed on to them and you've basically done all you can to make sure that person's still got this unique link to somebody they loved.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I just want to mention, something just occurred to me, obviously, Keylu didn't exist when my dad died in early '87 or beyond, but because my family was pretty prominent and most families are not in terms of wealth and status, a fair amount is known about them. My great-great-grandfather came out from England to Australia in the late 1830s, founded the whole John Fairfax Limited media empire. Because he was prominent back in the early '40s, when there were still folks that maybe had some memory of him when they were small, they wrote this loving portrait of him for the family. He died in the 1870s. I have that book. I can't tell you how many times I read it, how much that means to me. Now, most families don't have a book about their great-great-grandfather.




Warwick Fairfax:

We're talking five generations ago, like zero. Maybe if you're, I don't know what, the Duke of Marlborough or some prominent English aristocrat, maybe you do, but for average person, they don't. But he was a person of very strong faith and elder at his church. So reading that, it means everything to me. When I came to faith in Christ, at St. Aldates in Oxford, I felt like this is part of our heritage. It means everything to have that. There are some letters that my grandfather wrote and a couple letters that my dad wrote me. Those are precious treasures, but most people don't have that. How long ago did you start Keylu?




Ian Dibb:

We originally started Keylu, the concept was 2009, but as we mentioned, it was just too early. In 2019, we relaunched and we put a bigger team behind it. We actually said, "Okay, this is the time." We are now all using mobiles every single day. They've become a huge part of our life. Everything is now digital, so when you buy life insurance, car insurance, house insurance, you don't get them sent to you anymore. They're actually either emailed to you or you are given access to an online portal, but how many portals do you have to manage? The average person has about 80 to 100 passwords they need to manage just to manage their lives. One of the big downsides to this amazing digital changes that all of a sudden, if you are not there to actually link into those portals, that information is lost or extremely hard to find.




Ian Dibb:

There's a statistic in the UK that 25% of cohabitant couples are completely in the dark over their partner's financial situation. In the UK, there was around 200 billion in unclaimed assets, so bank accounts, savings accounts, pension portfolios, and it's only going to get worse. So it's really is that when we first came up with the idea, people, you still get your bank account details or your monthly letters sent out to you. That doesn't happen anymore. So all of a sudden, we are going to build this knowledge gap that when somebody passes away, how are they supposed to find that information? You spent a fortune on your pension, but if your family don't know where that is, it's going to go unclaimed.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. So with Keylu, talk about how that's different than maybe other financial institutions, estate planning folks. How is this different than what some people do?




Ian Dibb:

There are people out there that say, "Well, I've got a spreadsheet on my computer" or "I've got some stuff in the Dropbox account," but what Keylu is, it's a very guided process. So from signing up to making sure all of your documents are in one place. Everything is kept up to date. You've got the latest bank account. You've got the latest will. You've got your life insurance. It actually gives you a process from being one, completely unorganized to two, knowing that everything is completely organized and up to date, so if something was to happen to you, it's really easy for your family to manage the probate, giving them time to grieve and also saving them a huge amount of money that they would be spending on specialists in this area. But also, whereas you look at Dropbox as an opportunity to store documents, Keylu actually gives the opportunity to curate your own legacy, leaving behind an incredible messages, memories, photos, videos, family recipes. It's all about you creating a gift for somebody else. I think that's what this is. It's the last most precious gift you can ever pass on.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow. Just talk about the peace of mind that having all those records and memories in one place gives, because it sounds like you went through, was it 16 months what you said of probate. Talk about how just that legacy that you can give to your loved ones by having all this organized.




Ian Dibb:

Yeah. If you were to sit down with your family and say, "Look, okay. Where are my documents?" most people wouldn't have the clue where to start, and that's basically what you're doing by not planning. The peace of mind is that with a click of a button, trusted contacts in your Keylu account can instantly download every single document they need to deal with the probate process. That is with a touch of a button, they can then pass it on to a professional and says, "Here's everything my dad had from his pensions, to his savings, to his investments, to his share certificates. It's all here." That, all of a sudden, you can then pass on and the process of probate will be far quicker, far less painless.




Ian Dibb:

My mother-in-law is going through this at the moment here in the UK. I think they're 16, 18 months in on a simple one-bedroom flat in London with a savings account. It doesn't need to be this complicated. The reason it is this complicated, it takes months and months and months to find missing or lost assets. So by planning ahead and making sure everything is kept up to date, it just makes that processes far easier for your loved ones and at the same point, they can just get on dealing with the grief, which will come, but this will make it easier.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the things I love about what you've been saying, Ian, is that you've referred a couple times to how these devices, these mobile devices, everybody has them. I think we all feel sometimes, even though we're all really using them and into them, I'll raise my hand, I'm into them myself, but what you've done in a very real way is redeem them a bit from the perception that they're time wasters, from the perception that they're distractors from... We've all seen in restaurants, when you sit down and you look over at the table next to you and people aren't talking, they're looking at their phones. You've redeemed that idea of taking that phone to create a document, to create memories, to create a legacy for your family. You said earlier that there's a saying that when an older person dies, it's like a library burns to the ground.




Gary Schneeberger:

What I love about what you're doing with Keylu is that the legacy you're leaving is you're using technology to when someone dies, their loved ones inherit a library. They get a library full of both that financial legacy, which is so important, but as you indicated, even more important, more emotional, more meaningful is that emotional legacy that is able to be passed along. That's a great one-two punch and it's really important here at Beyond the Crucible, because Warwick talks all the time about the reason you live a life on purpose dedicated to serving others is that it helps you leave a legacy to be proud of and that's one of the things that Keylu allows folks to do. Before I let Warwick ask the next question though, I don't think that you've defined for everyone who's not Cornish what Keylu means and why you named it that.




Ian Dibb:

Yes. We wanted a name which embraces family and protection. The Cornish name for family is Teylu, T-E-Y-L-U. The K comes from keep or your key information. So we combine the two words. Basically, it's where you keep all the information for your family. Miraculously, all the domain names were available as well, so it's absolute blessing.




Gary Schneeberger:

Indeed.




Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, that's great. I love this concept of obviously keeping all the documents at one place, but just keeping memories, it's so important. I think of your story and as you share about your mum and Jane. You founded this company in 2019. 100 years from then, let's say it's 2119, without this, how would your great-great-great-grandkids, how would they know anything about your beloved sister and mother? They probably wouldn't unless there was a book written about them or whatever. Their memory would pass, but I'm sure you've probably recorded a bunch of videos and writings and other material, I'm guessing, about your mum and sister and certainly about yourself and your wife and kids, daughter. Those memories will be preserved. I know obviously, it's early days in one sense, but imagine in 100 years, the legacy that your ancestors will have that you don't probably have from your ancestors 100 years ago.




Warwick Fairfax:

Did that make sense? You are giving a legacy and a gift that your mother's memory will not be lost. Your ancestors, hopefully for hundreds of years, will remember the incredible person she was and your sister. That's a legacy worth preserving.




Ian Dibb:

Well, one of the things that still hurts is I remember I sat there with mum in the hospital on the night she was diagnosed with cancer and she turned to me and she said, "I'm never going to see your kids grow up." That still hurts. It's as fresh as it was all those years ago, but what we could have done if we had Keylu back then, she could have recorded some messages about who she was and we could then play them for the future generations. My mum had a wicked personality. She really did. There's some stories that when I retell them, it brings her back to life. There's some key things she did, which to most people would mean anything, but to me mean the world. I think what we're trying to do with Keylu is you might not record every single moment, but just capture some key memories because we've all got our own unique personalities.




Ian Dibb:

I like to be quite sarcastic with my daughter and as a result, my daughter is super sharp. Some of the things she writes down, I will actually just put down on a piece of paper and say, "Alice, tonight, you said this." It might not mean anything to her now, but in the future, it will mean the world to her. I've just had a clear up in the office actually. I've got probably 100 hand-drawn pictures from when Alice was one right through till now. We can't keep everything because otherwise, your fridge will just collapse under the weight of hand-drawn paintings and the magnets won't allow the fridge to work anymore. But what you can do is actually grab a photo of that, put it into Keylu and put the time and date next to it and say, "Alice, this was when you were one." Then you've got a video of the kids on their first day at school, their graduation, their wedding.




Ian Dibb:

You could start capturing key moments in a person's life; otherwise, those key moments just disappear and all of a sudden, 10 years has blurred into 20 years, blurred into thirty. You realize that actually, you haven't captured a lot of stuff. You've got all these photos on your phone, but you won't be in any of them because you are taking the photos or the person on the other side of it is taking the photos of you, but there aren't any moments of you as a whole. So what I do quite often is I'll turn a camera around, grab a moment with me and my daughter because it's so important you capture that one moment in time. To me, that's one of the things I do. I don't know many other people that do actually, instead of take a photo, grab a moment, capture it, capture that key moment in time, record it, add it to Keylu so you can enjoy it now with your family, but in the future, that gift will be the most precious thing you can leave behind.




Warwick Fairfax:

Do you talk about this to folks that are thinking of using Keylu how do you use Keylu, how do you create a legacy, what are the kinds of things you should capture?




Ian Dibb:

Yeah, absolutely. There's a lot of stuff we are going to continue to add to the platform. Here's a user guide. Here's how to add a video. Here's how to add a message. Here's what people are adding to their bucket list. Most people want to see the Northern Lights or see the Grand Canyon, for instance. We can provide you with some prompts and some best uses of the platform, but loads of people go to it and just explore in different ways really, but it's all about with the mobile app makes it even easier. You're walking along. You've captured an amazing picture and you go, "Now that was a moment I want to record and store forever." So it's all about actually just, it's a really easy to use platform, but how can we make it even better, which is what the team continues to do.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the interesting things about it that you mentioned to me, Ian, is that yes, there are direct to consumer transactions where people will get this for themselves to leave a legacy to their family, but you also work with some professionals like estate planners and lawyers who have leveraged this to offer their clients, right? There's a B2B kind of application as well, isn't there?




Ian Dibb:

Yeah. We work with financial advisors, solicitors, estate planners, mortgage brokers. We work with charities. We offer Keylu completely free of charge to anyone who's been diagnosed with a terminal illness. We work with organizations to provide that. That's something we've always been a key part of who we are. We want to make sure we're constantly giving back. But yeah, so we work with all these different organizations to provide a benefit, not only to them, but also to their clients, helping their clients to understand the importance of estate planning, getting their affairs in order. I think one of the key things is it's a great way to keep up to date on all your financial situation, so make sure everything's kept up to date because it's quite easy to have your will written and forget about it for the next 20 years realizing you/ve had another kid and bought another property.




Ian Dibb:

I think what Keylu does, it provides regularly notifications and updates to say, "Hey, Gary. It's been six months since you added your will. Has anything changed?" or "It's been 12 months since you added your insurance policy. Is this the latest one?" So it's actually keeping you up to date on everything in your life. It's like a life management, life planning tool as much as it is that legacy creation tool.




Warwick Fairfax:

That's incredible. Talk about some of the feedback you've received from Keylu users because I'm sure you've received a lot of feedback. What are people saying and how are they using it? What impact has it had on their lives?




Ian Dibb:

Unfortunately, a lot of people who come to us say, "I wish I have seen this six months ago or 12 months ago because I've just gone through this with mum or dad. I've not got a clue where to start." It's that kind of situation. You have to normally have a trigger point go off in your life, which makes you understand you're mortal and that might be, you've just lost somebody you love. You've just been given a terminal diagnosis. You've just potentially bought a house. So there's lots of triggers in your life that make you understand the importance of getting your affairs in order. But the overwhelming response we get from a Keylu user is I've got peace of mind knowing I've done all I can for my loved ones. Of course, all the information on our platform is completely encrypted. No one within the Keylu team has access to it.




Ian Dibb:

The only person that will ever see that information is you as the account holder and those trusted contacts you've added to access it after you've gone. I think the key thing is actually, this is brilliant because I can deal with my affairs now knowing that I've done something incredible for my loved ones. It's just the ability actually to know those people receive that message in the future. I'm just going to have a look behind me now and see where I'd put it. I've got a cassette tape here which my mum left for me. Let me just see if I can pick it up.




Gary Schneeberger:

For your younger listeners, a cassette tape is the way that we used to record things before our phones did it all for us.




Ian Dibb:

But here we go. This came before CD players and MP3 players. This is a cassette tape. On this cassette tape it says, Anne Radio Cornwall. Then my daughter came into the room and she said, "Dad, what's this?" Luckily, she didn't break it, but on it is the only recording I've got of my mum's voice. It's unbelievable because my mum hadn't planned this. My daughter found it in my memory box. That's the most valuable thing I now own, above anything else, my mum's voice on that cassette. So what we've done is taken that forward because you don't need to use a cassette tape. Keylu allows you to store all of this information. You could be walking along and something amazing happens. You open up the Keylu app. You record that message to somebody you love. Click save. Click who it's going to go to knowing that you have the peace of mind the recipient is going to get that heartfelt message at some point in the future where that've been the most valuable item they ever received from you.




Warwick Fairfax:

I want listeners to really understand how important that is. Again, I just go back to my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax. Your daughter, in the coming decade, she's going to remember you well. Yes, you've got the videos, but she will have memories. But let's assume that she gets married one day and has kids and they have kids. There's going to come a generation that never met Ian Dibb. You will have died before they were born, maybe decades before they were born. They're going to say, "Mum, dad, I've heard of my grandfather or great-great-grandfather, Ian. What was he like?" It's like, "You know, I don't really know. I was four when he died. I don't really remember him. I'm sorry." Well, they won't need to say I'm sorry. They'll be able to say, "Well, he is a pretty amazing guy. Here he is. Here he is with your grandmother, Alice. Your great-grandfather is helping your grandmother learn how to ride a bike." Now, how cool is that? It's hard for people to imagine, but that will happen.




Warwick Fairfax:

This is a gift that generations of your family and generations of other families will have. Help people understand, I know maybe it's obvious, but why that's important and why for most of us, we just do not have that in any way, shape, or form.




Ian Dibb:

I think you only realize the importance of it when you can't access it anymore. For me, I knew where my mum grew up in Bristol, so I did a little tour on Google Maps a few weeks ago and I found the street my mum grew up in and I zoomed in with a little orange man and instantly, looking at that house brought back hundreds of memories and moments that you know they're somewhere, but you need some trigger to kick them off. Unfortunately, I can't access any further because that line of my family's life is gone. So I want to make sure that there's photos. Every now and then, I walk around the house and I do a full video of the house knowing that Alice, when she's older, can go back into her house, follow that video and see the rooms I've set up at Christmas because I want to make sure that information is passed on.




Ian Dibb:

So as you said, that when I'm 96 and Alice has got kids and I've got grandkids and all that type of stuff, they can actually see that I wasn't always this 96-year-old. I traveled the world and I was just like they are, because I think that if you look at it now, when we're looking at our grandparents, the photos are in black and white and there's no videos of them. Actually, it's very hard to associate yourself with something that looks so far away from you, but actually, if you look at people doing what they've just done with the World War II, they've recolored it. It makes it actually far more real now that is in color. We can provide something incredible for our loved ones by providing dozens and dozens of videos. You can upload as many as you want to the platform, knowing that these are actually key moments that at the moment, might seem quite silly.




Ian Dibb:

I've got a video of myself and my daughter play fighting. I turn the camera around because she loves to play fight, my little girl, and it's just a really special thing that when she looks back and she's 60, she can go, "This is your granddad and me having a play fight," and that would just be so special that we're just trying to say, actually, just capture everything. It's not just when we used to have film cameras and the camera would come out at a special occasion. We now have these unique tools in our pockets that can capture videos whenever we want it. But what we do with those, how are we using those to curate a legacy at the moment? They go into the iCloud account and that's where they remain locked behind passwords and unavailable to anyone else, clearly gives you the unique opportunity to curate that into a story for your loved ones for now, for them forever, really.




Gary Schneeberger:

I want to do a couple things here, listener, before Warwick asks what I'm sure is going to be a very good question. First of all, I want to say that sound you heard is the captain turning on the fasten seatbelt sign, which indicates we've begun our descent of this episode, but we're not there yet, so you still got time to enjoy the flight. I wanted to add a personal story that emphasizes exactly what you're talking about here, Ian, because I got a cassette tape too after my mum passed away. My mum passed away more than 30 years ago. Late in her life when she was married to my stepfather, my mum always liked to sing and she never got to do it when she was married to my dad. Well, my stepfather was an organist who played all around the region where we live, where I have moved back to in the last six years. So my mum would go out and sing with him at these places.




Gary Schneeberger:

In the garage, I remember, and it was embarrassing when I was like 17 because my mum would be in the garage with my stepdad and his organ and they would be playing and singing and my friends would be like, "What is that?" But they recorded cassettes that they sold and when she passed away, one of them found its way to me. I digitally burned it. I have it on my phone, but where that has paid off, where that paid off, when I got remarried in 2017, my mum obviously could not be at my wedding, but she was because I did a daddy daughter dance with my stepdaughter to a song of my mum singing from that album.




Ian Dibb:

Wow.




Gary Schneeberger:

I can't hardly talk about that moment now without getting emotional about it, and that's the power of what you're talking about, those memories that move from memory to reality that you can then bring into life as you move forward. That's a precious gift that you can pass along to your loved ones, for sure. Warwick, sorry I interrupted you there a little while.




Warwick Fairfax:

No. No, that was such a great, great point. So just as we close, gosh, a couple of different thoughts. One thought I have, I guess before I ask a question is, because my family, the Fairfax family in Sydney were very prominent, we have more memories than most families. Prominent families seem to want to capture themselves for whatever reason. So as I said, we've had a book written about my great-great-grandfather. There were letters. When we sold the house I grew up in, which my dad was born in and died in back in the day when you actually were born at home, not in a hospital, there were all of these photographs going back to maybe the 1850s. There were some from the early 1900s, 1920s. Obviously, I knew some of them. I recognized my dad and others. He was in his late 50s when I was born, but there was a host of people around him and I'm thinking, I have no idea who these people are, because we're talking about 1890s, 1910 or something and I felt this sadness.




Warwick Fairfax:

Some of them were family, some of them were friends. Who were they? What were their stories? Even in my family where we have more photographs and memories than most, there was this sadness. So what you're doing with Keylu is preventing that kind of sadness. Who were the family and close friends? So really, as we close, obviously, you've moved on at least as best as you can from the grief of losing your beloved sister and mother, talk about what you do with Keylu and your life. I'm assuming there's some redemptive quality about what you do. Obviously, your business is successful. It's well thought out, but just talk about maybe the sense if that's true of redemption, hope to what you do now brings to you.




Ian Dibb:

It's everything. The saying that if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. It couldn't be truer. We work with some amazing people, some amazing companies, not only in the UK, but the opportunity to work with people around the world that you actually see different people at different stages in their journey as well. Now, if you look at where you are on a journey and you compare yourself to somebody who's never experienced it, you're obviously dealing with grief still. But then you look at people at the start of it who don't even know how to get out of bed because they've just lost someone they love and they've no idea what to do. From everything I do with Keylu, I believe that we should be the light in somebody's life and we should look back and lift people up and bring people with us. Everything we're doing at Keylu, we're doing that, but we do it on a world stage as well to say it doesn't have to be this bad. It can be easier, and actually, by just making little steps each and every day.




Ian Dibb:

Keylu doesn't have to be completed in one day. It's a journey. You can get to it over time. But for me, the experience of losing mum and Jane was the catalyst in my life to say, "Okay, now step up and make a difference. Be the person who's going to change people's lives. Don't expect it to be done for you." That's something I absolutely love at Keylu is I have an opportunity and the team all share my passion and vision. We want to make a difference. We want to help people. If people are struggling, actually look towards us because we've been there. We're used to saying quite a lot, "We care. We've been there," and that echoes through everything we do at Keylu. We've been to where you've been and we've been through it and we are continuing to grow. I always think that don't always look ahead of you. Look where you've actually been and sometimes, look around and you might think actually, I'm judging myself against people who are out there partying and drinking and look super happy.




Ian Dibb:

But look on the other way sometimes and there's people who are worse off than you that actually you can step out and help them to get to where you are. For me, it's very much a journey we are on and I'm just really blessed to have had 28 years with mum and Jane. That's far longer than some people have had. But from that to be given a life mission to help others, I think it's actually been a blessing.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough and you've heard me say this before, listener, pretty much on every episode that I know when the last word has been spoken on a subject. Normally, I would say our guest has spoken it; however, I'm also in the communication business long enough to know when I've messed up because I was so emotional in my last comment that I did not give our guest, Ian Dibb, the chance to let you know how you can find out about Keylu online. Ian, how can people, you mentioned that domain names were easy to find, how can they go to one of those domain names and learn more about and even sign up for Keylu?




Ian Dibb:

You can find us directly at keylu.com, which is K-E-Y-L-U.com. You can find us at Facebook.com/Keylulife and you can also find us on LinkedIn as well. But yeah, we are easy to find. Please log onto the platform. Let us know what you love about it, what you don't like. We're on a journey.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that is the last word of our episode today, listener. So until the next time that we're together, do remember that we understand crucible experiences are inordinately difficult. Ian described one here today, two, a couple of here today for himself and then also some crucibles that other people go through that he's worked with. They're painful. They knock you off your feet. They change the trajectory of your life, but they do not have to be the end of your story. In fact, if you learn the lessons from those crucibles and you apply them to your life moving forward, they can be the start of a new chapter, a new story in your life, and that story can be the best story of your life. Ian's just revealed it in what he's talked about here. Warwick talks about it every week in his own life, because that new story, that new direction leads to a truly worthwhile, hope-filled future, and that is a life of significance.

What do you think of when you hear the word “cuckoo”? Those cute clocks that chime with chirps at the top of every hour? There’s nothing cute about real cuckoos — predatory birds that camouflage themselves and their destructive intentions in visiting chaos upon other birds.  Andrea Anderson Polk, a licensed professional counselor and author of the new book THE CUCKOO SYNDROME: THE SECRET TO BREAKING FREE FROM UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, TOXIC THINKING AND SELF-SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR, discusses the behaviors exhibited by those we’re in relationship with that cause similar harm in our lives. The figurative cuckoos that plague us, she explains, take advantage of our fears, doubts, failures and grief. That’s the challenging news. The good news? They can be defeated, launching you toward finding new purpose and a life of significance.

To learn more about Andrea Anderson Polk and to buy THE CUCKOO SYNDROME, visit www.andreaandersonpolk.com

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

A lot of my clients, if they're engaged in a cuckoo dynamic, the most common phrase I hear is, "I don't know who I am anymore, and I've lost myself," because they unknowingly have an imposter in their life who has become their purpose. So they lose their purpose because all of their time, energy, and attention is on this relationship that doesn't belong in their life in the first place.




Gary Schneeberger:

Did you hear that phrase a cuckoo dynamic? Maybe when you hear that word cuckoo, it makes you think of those cute clocks that chime with chirps at the top of every hour. But that's not the cuckoo we're talking about on this week's episode. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. Warwick and I had an eye-opening, soul-nurturing discussion with our guest Andrea Anderson Polk, a licensed professional counselor and author of the new book The Cuckoo Syndrome: The Secret to Breaking Free from Unhealthy Relationships, Toxic Thinking and Self-Sabotaging Behavior. She talks not only about the predatory, cleverly camouflaged actions of the birds themselves, but more importantly and practically, the behaviors exhibited by those we're in relationship with that visit similar harm upon our heads and our hearts. The cuckoos that plague us, she explains, take advantage of our fears, doubts, failures, and grief. That's the challenging news. The good news? They can be defeated. And she tells us how.




Warwick Fairfax:

I so much enjoyed your book. Maybe, I don't know if that's the right word, but because part of is painful. As I was going through each of these chapters, it's like, "Check, check. Yeah. Experienced that one. Been there. Wow. This is..." So I don't know, at least a survey of one, it's absolutely makes sense. Obviously, I love the last few chapters, which talk about transforming your pain into purpose, but there's so much in this book that I just love and it rings so true. It's understandable why you've helped so many people because you have a philosophy and a method that works, that actually helps people break free from the shackles. So we'll get into this in a minute. I'd like to start a bit with this, what we call on Crucible Leadership the origin story. Tell us a bit about why you wrote the book, why you went into counseling? What's the origin story that made you feel like this is my life's purpose, to help people and to be a counselor?




Andrea Anderson Polk:

I strongly believe that our greatest place of pain is our greatest place of power and our purpose. My journey of healing started decades ago during a difficult season of my life when my parents were going through a divorce, which landed me in therapy and a personal growth journey. Out of that experience, it was so freeing for me that I decided to pursue a career as a licensed professional counselor in order to help people the way that my counselors helped me. So that's the story of how I became a counselor.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Then writing the book, it actually happened during my quiet time one morning, I was struggling in a relationship with a close family member that had left a peculiar wound in my heart. I had gone through forgiving this person. I had compassion, went through therapy again, learned how to set boundaries and was still feeling stuck. I felt guilty and selfish anytime I'd try to make room for myself in the relationship, and I'm sort of a geek. I like to study science and psychology, weave those things together in my own life.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So I, of all things was researching cuckoo birds at the time, which I can get into a little bit later exactly what cuckoo birds are, but their nature is predatory creatures. They're imposters; they're brilliant manipulators and deceivers. I was looking through these pictures on the internet of what a cuckoo bird looks in real life. I had this breakthrough a-ha moment that I was looking for with this family member. It really set me free and helped me understand how to navigate through the complexities.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So what I did is I laminated this photo that I found on the internet of the cuckoo bird, and I took it into my private practice. When I would meet with clients who were in a similar cuckoo dynamic, I would show them this photo of the cuckoo bird and it would evoke the same breakthrough a-ha moments, anger, self-compassion, tears. So that's something I had been doing for years and decided to write a book about my experiences, their experiences. So that's where the book originated.




Warwick Fairfax:

That's awesome. So for those that may not know, just sort of briefly get into what the actual cuckoo bird does and why it's such an insidious, almost evil little creature because that really sets the backdrop for your whole book. So talk about the cuckoo, what it actually does with the poor robins and what have you.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yeah. So in a nutshell... Well, first of all, when we think about cuckoo birds, we think about the wooden figurine that pops out of a clock that we remember from our childhood. But in reality, cuckoo birds are cruel and clever. They're predatory creatures. The technical term is they're brood parasites, which means that they will lay an egg in a host nest. For the purpose of this example, just going to use a robin and they will take advantage of the host parents so they never have to raise their own young. Then they cause harm to the host. So a parasite is someone that takes advantage of the generosity of another person withoutmaking any useful return.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So what will happen is a female cuckoo will hone in on a host nest, so a robin's nest, for example, and she'll secretly watch the patterns of the robin parents. When the nest is empty, very quickly, she'll swoop in and lay an egg that looks nearly identical to the host egg. She has, it's an egg mimicry that's found in their DNA. So the egg resembles the host egg in shape and color. So for example, it would look like a robin egg, blue with the brown speckles. So what happens when the robin mother comes back to her nest, she doesn't notice that the egg is an imposter. She incubates the egg as if it's one of her own. Then another thing about the cuckoo egg itself and its DNA, it has a shorter incubation time. So it hatches first, before her eggs hatch. It grows very large extremely quickly. When you look at a picture of it, it's sort of this grotesque-looking chick that overtakes the nest.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Once it hatches, it'll do one of three things. It's born with this hooked beak. So it'll either stab the other eggs in the nest to death, or while it's still blind and featherless, you can watch videos, it'll use its wings and knock the other eggs down the nest so they fall to the floor and die. It just does this instinctively. If that's not sad enough, what happens to the host parents, the robins, is that their eggs never hatch and come to life. So they expend their energy, time, and attention on this imposter chick that's not its own and they raise it. Even when it grows and leaves the nest, they still follow it around and feed it because a cuckoo chick, it has an insatiable appetite and this begging call. So the host parents exhaust themselves, like I said, feeding and taking care of it and their own eggs never hatch and come to life.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. So let's get into that metaphor. Obviously, you talk in the book about there's different kinds of cuckoo syndrome, the relational cuckoo, unhealthy dysfunctional relationships and self-inflicted cuckoo, which is self-sabotaging toxic behavior. So talk about how this whole cuckoo syndrome manifests itself and how we think in our relationships.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So a cuckoo dynamic in terms of relationships, it could be an unhealthy relationship with a spouse or a significant other, with a boss or a colleague, a friend, a family member, a counselor even, a mentor, pastor, ministry leader. It's a relationship that is one-sided, where you are the one who is doing all of the work, where you've adopted a role as either the fixer, the pleaser, the rescuer, the always on-call person. But essentially your time, your energy, and attention is given to this unhealthy relationship. What all these cuckoo relationships have in common that I always tell my clients is that you're the host. There's something that you are doing in that relationship that is kind of feeding this dynamic. So I help my clients sort of go back into discovering what is making them susceptible or vulnerable to this one-sided relationship.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So rather than being mutually loving and giving, it's one-sided, which is the cuckoo is being a parasite. It takes advantage of the generosity of others and makes no return. You spend your life nurturing, sort of feeding this relationship, and you essentially lose your purpose because that relationship becomes your purpose.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

In terms of self-inflicted cuckoos, the cuckoo dynamic in your life, it might not be with a person, an unhealthy relationship with someone else, but it's an unhealthy relationship with yourself, which I call self-inflicted cuckoos, which could be perfectionistic tendencies. It could be tying your worth and your value and your identity to your work, your career, your ministry. It could also be behaviors that can become addictive and take over your life. In terms of you exhibiting self-control, they start to control you. So that can be anything from shopping, exercising, online dating, your to-do list, anything that even can start out as a good thing or a passion, but it becomes obsessive and then also starts to take over your life.




Warwick Fairfax:

Help the listeners understand how this is so common, and it's not as easy as you think just to say, well, if you have any self respect, then you'd get out, which is maybe part of the problem. But help the listeners understand who may not be in this sort of toxic relationship in particular why it's so insidious and why it's just not easy to get out.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yeah, that's a great point. The cuckoo syndrome exists on a spectrum. Abuse would be the most extreme form of that, and emotional abuse, for example, where another person belittles you, controls, deceives, manipulates. I've had a lot of clients over the years say it would be easier if this person had an affair or hit me because the crazy-making feeling of being in a relationship where the wound is invisible and the pain is so prevalent. It's like a death by a thousand cuts where the person is in this extreme suffering, but the pain being inflicted upon them is not as obvious, which is why the cuckoo analogy has been so helpful for my clients because it's a subtle, deceptive, manipulative process that occurs over a period of time. Even though this unhealthy relationship perhaps is right in front of them, it's an invisible enemy. They can't see it initially, especially in cases of emotional abuse, where typically the person shows their best self initially. They could be very charismatic. Again, it's this sort of predatory behavior of I'm going to mimic who you are and what you want, but essentially you'll be left purposeless.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

A lot of my clients who are engaged in, whether it's an emotionally abusive relationship or, for example, I have a lot of clients with their adult parents, let's say their mother who has maybe a mental illness or a personality disorder like narcissism, where it's difficult for them to put their finger on the pain, but they've got this sort of invisible dynamic that they can't see because it's not obvious initially.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So what I was going to say is a lot of my clients, if they're engaged in a cuckoo dynamic, the most common phrase I hear is, "I don't know who I am anymore, and I've lost myself," because they unknowingly have an imposter in their life who has become their purpose. So they lose their purpose because all of their time, energy, and attention is on this relationship that doesn't belong in their life in the first place.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I want to get to some of the solutions, maybe that's the wrong word, but sort of the ways you combat this. Just, I want to touch on some of these. You have a great list here about when we're talking about how you deal with cuckoos. I love when you say it's time to guard your heart and stand strong, and you've got five steps: honor your reality, stop doing their work, set boundaries, validate your emotions, obviously seek professional help, which makes sense. But it seems like one of the core tenets you have is we need to stop avoiding truth. The path to healing means we might have to feel pain, even excruciating pain, acknowledge the truth, even let yourself get angry. There are ways of getting angry that isn't destructive to everybody around you, but in a healthy way. So talk a bit about just some of those steps, especially this concept of navigating what is the truth, not the lies that you've been surrounded in a web of lies, so to speak.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yes. A common phrase found throughout the book that you mentioned that's been helpful in my life and my work with clients is that we suffer when we avoid reality, reality being synonymous with truth. In the case of the cuckoo syndrome, one of the realities that we can avoid is our pain, which is understandable. Facing pain can be hard and scary. A lot of people don't have the tools to deal with their pain.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Another reality that we tend to avoid is knowing who we truly are and what we want. That's what the last part of the book gets into, which I know that we share a common message on purpose, which is the antidote to cuckoos because the more... and which is interesting in biology with the cuckoo bird...Biologists have done studies that not all hosts get tricked by the cuckoo bird. The more unique their eggs are, the more that they have a signature on their egg, like squiggles and the more unique they are, the less prone they are to a cuckoo invading their nest. In the book, I talk about letting your eggs, which represent your purpose, hatch and come to life. So the more you know who you are, the more unique your purpose is, the less of a target you'll be to cuckoo birds.




Gary Schneeberger:

I want to address the elephant in the room, to mix animals. That is, the elephant in the room is so much of what you're saying, Andrea, is so much of what Warwick says and so much of what Crucible Leadership's about. I mean, Crucible and cuckoo only share two letters, but they share a lot of points together when you get through it. The thing that you said there that really hit me was this idea of people trying to avoid their pain, and that in your book, you say your pain contains truth and truth dispels cuckoos because truth is the catalyst for healing.




Gary Schneeberger:

One of the ways that we say that in Crucible Leadership, part of coming back from your crucible is recognizing that what happened didn't happen to you. It happened for you. Now, we say that not glibly. We say that a lot because that's been Warwick's experience and the experience of the guests that we've had on the show and people who've contacted us. Is that a fair statement to make, that if you make that mind shift from it didn't happen to you, but it happened for you, that that helps you move along this idea of truth becoming a catalyst for healing?




Andrea Anderson Polk:

That's a great point, Gary. I love that statement. I find that powerful and really resonates. A lot of my clients, once they realize they have this cuckoo dynamic, their initial inclination is to go into shame. Then we have a good laugh because I say, "Well, now you're like a cuckoo 2.0. Now you're going through suffering, and then you're ashamed for the reality that it's even something you're struggling with in your life." So what you're saying, Gary, is so important because having that cuckoo dynamic or the crucible as you defined it, as a trauma or a tragedy, a setback, a failure. I love the work that you do in Crucible Leadership because it's creating a culture of honorability that gives people courage to share things they might be ashamed of, their failures because they realize there is hope here and this crucible experience can become something beautiful. It's this pain being transformed into a purpose. So we do share that message. I really feel that it helps eradicate that shame and gives people hope to realize it's not the end of the story, the crucible or the cuckoo, it's the beginning of purpose, really.




Warwick Fairfax:

Let's kind of transition into purpose. I just love how you say the antidote to cuckoos is discovering your purpose. The cuckoos in your life destroy your purpose. But I love talking about pain is a platform for purpose and your signature is your purpose. So talk about what purpose means, and you talk about purpose as different than dreams. So there's a lot of things in there with signature eggs, purpose, dreams, or just pain. So talk about how you transition from pain. You've hopefully, with a trusted friend or a trained counselor, you know the truth; you know what reality is; you've felt your pain. You've even got angry. You're maybe sobbing at times. You're ready to move forward. It's not going to be easy. But talk about from pain to purpose, the difference between that and dreams.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yeah. So once you've identified who or what the cuckoo dynamic in your life is and you go through the necessary work, it's not easy. It's hard. It's the right kind of hard to deal with those cuckoos. Then it frees up your life to look at, "Okay. I feel like perhaps I've lost myself or I don't quite know who I am anymore." So it's getting back to the treasure of your true self.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

I feel like there's a distinction between dream and purpose. A lot of times I think the word dream can be tossed around and be a bit of a cliche about, well, dream big and finding your dream, which is an important part of purpose. It encompasses your dreams. The way I see purpose, it's a study of the person and their story, which includes their pain. We were talking earlier about crucible experiences or cuckoos, which are painful. The failure of tragedies, traumas, setbacks become the platform for your purpose. So I see purpose more as a state of being rather than something that you're trying to obtain. It's more of who you are. For example, you've written a book, I've written a book. That can be an extension of our purpose, but it's not the true source of our identity. So purpose, it's a deep-seated joy of the soul and it's your passions, your heart's desires, your dreams, your visions, but also your pain and your story.




Gary Schneeberger:

I've learned this in doing public relations for people who've written books for years now, and that is if you want to find the nuggets in a book, go to the chapter titles and the subheadings within the book. There's a subheading that speaks to this point, Andrea, in your book The Cuckoo Syndrome, where you say Your Dream Is Situational, but Your Purpose Is Relational. I think that's a beautiful way of putting a ring around what you just said, that it's not what you do so much; it's kind of who you are. It bubbles up from within. Fair?




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yes, absolutely. I remember in our initial interview that, Warwick, you said, "I put 12 years of my life into this book, but I don't tie my self-esteem or self worth to the success of my book or how many copies it sells, or if it's on a best seller list." As I was preparing for the timer, I remember you had said that. So I do believe there is a distinction there, that you had mentioned that the true source of your identity is being able to help other people. So again, your book is a dream. It was 12 years of your life. But when you kind of pull out the purpose, the purpose is it's your identity. It's who you are. You can have different seasons of purpose, but at the end of the day, your purpose is secure. It's not dependent on what you do or don't do.




Warwick Fairfax:

One thing you said, it's just made me think, dreams can be quicksand and from a faith perspective, if you're not careful, they can be like idols. Obviously, bad things happen when you worship idols. For many people, certainly in the US, it could be success, fame, notoriety. They just never satisfy your purpose. For people of faith, ultimately your purpose and your faith in God, your purpose is like an anchor. Dreams are like quicksand. They will pretty much always let you down if that's what you worship. So I don't know if that kind of makes sense, that whole concept of idol, idol worship, if you will.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yes. I like the word idols. I say desire imposters. When I think about desires of the heart, I think about there's desire imposters. There's things that come up that we, like you were saying, worship or idolize, and then they become so big in your life. They could be good things or for a person of faith, even God things, something that you feel like God has called you to do. Yeah, I have compassion for people that obtain a lot of their worth, value, and identity from what they're doing. Usually, there's some sort of wounding, whether it's in childhood or in their adolescent years, or even in their adult years where they've had some sort of tragedy or trauma, a failure, perhaps there's shame around that. They don't quite know who they are, what they want. So they're more susceptible and prone to attaching their worth and value to more to a being instead of a doing.




Warwick Fairfax:

One of the things I found so compelling, it's really the last chapter, which you talked about, Let Your Eggs Hatch: Treasures from Darkness. This is almost a confounding thought, but it's also profound. You say purpose like treasure often come from darkness in hidden places. I think Gary was talking about earlier is what you said about Crucible Leadership, that tragedy, our crucibles can almost be a gift, which is a bit of a growth concept for me that I didn't say probably up until a few months ago. But somehow there can be hidden treasure coming out of our pain, even out of our worst tragedy. So talk about that because that's not a concept that makes sense to most people, almost anyone. So talk about how that you'll have this incredible phrase and I'll read it exactly. "Part of your story and what makes you unique is the process of uncovering the treasure hidden in the dirt of your life and exposing it in all its beauty." So talk about the hidden treasure that's often found, as you say, very aptly in the dirt of your life. How does that work?




Andrea Anderson Polk:

When I was studying purpose a few years ago, I stumbled upon this scripture in Isaiah that really spoke to me. I believe it's Isaiah 45:3, which says, "I will give you treasures from darkness, riches hidden in secret places." And that stood out to me in terms of our purpose being our treasure and coming from dark places. To me, that means painful places, tragedies, things that happen in our life that create an undercurrent of suffering. So going through this process, when you think of a treasure, often it has dirt on it. You think about a diamond. It's found beneath the earth's surface and there's this beautiful process of allowing it to shine, allowing yourself to go through this journey of self discovery and not making yourself a project to fix.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

A lot of my clients come in and they've never been able to put a voice to their pain or share their story in a safe place. A lot of my clients come in, they'll sit on the edge of the sofa, sort of anxious and it's like they have this notion of can you fix me? So I just have to allow them to sort of sit back and I'll say, "Share your story," and co-creating this dynamic with them where they're not afraid of their pain anymore. They start to learn the tools to be able to go into the pain and discover the beauty in that, the truth, and a lot of times the purpose that can be birthed from those places.




Warwick Fairfax:

There's one other thing that has occurred to me. I don't know if you've found this, but my book Crucible Leadership came out last fall, October, 2021. I began speaking to different places. But I remember a couple places. We went to Seton Hall in Northern New Jersey and then Taylor University, which is a great Christian school where my kids have gone in Indiana. As I was speaking to them, it just seemed a lot of young people really resonated with this message of hope and how crucible doesn't have to be the end of your story, coming up for books and wanting me to sign them. And that was all gratifying. But there was a mixture of both joy and gratitude and pain all mixed up in the same ball or egg, if you will, because there was a sense of gratitude as in, "Wow, my book is making a difference."




Warwick Fairfax:

But at the same time I was feeling joy and gratitude and being a person of faith, thanks to God, it also rekindled just the pain of loss of a 150-year-old family media business and relational pain. It was all in the same emotion. It was both. There was joy and there was a sprinkling of agony in there, too. It was another level of healing where you don't get the level of healing unless there's a bit more pain to be healed. So we're never "totally healed", but I don't know if that makes sense. It was a weird mix of emotions. There was joy and immense gratitude mixed with a tinge of pain and agony. So I don't know if that makes any kind of sense, Andrea.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Thank you for sharing that. That is a huge revelation. I feel like what you shared is truth that can lead people that are listening to freedom. It's this concept of both/and, and being in a season where you simultaneously feel joy and gratitude, but also a sadness and loss, which really shows an emotional maturity there because what happens when we numb our painful emotions, more difficult ones like rage, grief, sadness, shame, then we also numb the positive emotions. You can't really pick and choose. So the fact that you were in this place where you felt gratitude but also felt some sadness and some grief is a healthy part of the process and necessary because that sort of experience does evoke a lot of emotions.




Warwick Fairfax:

I think what you do, Andrea, is with counseling and your book, you give people tools. The goal isn't to be in counseling forever, not that I'm against it, necessarily. Depends on the circumstances. But giving people tools to know the truth and deal with the lies. I mean, another example, not to get into too many details, but my wife's mother passed away just recently, and we were going through some... Her estate wasn't that massive relative to the way I grew up. There was some just legal things I was just helping my wife look at and it's all very normal, all very standard, and everybody's all happy and wonderful, very functional people on my wife's side of the family.




Warwick Fairfax:

But there was something in there that just set me off. It set me off the deep end. I knew I was completely overreacting. It had zero to do with what was in these documents. My reaction was completely uncalled for, unreasonable, made no sense. I knew it in that instant. Why am I reacting this? This is ridiculous. It was objectively ridiculous. Obviously, I'm blessed. Married to a wonderful wife, 32, almost 33 years. I said, "Gail, I know this is ridiculous. I shouldn't be reacting this way. So can you help me figure this out?" I had an idea of why, and obviously it led back to family business and various estate things, and I don't know, whatever. I dealt with it and prayed about it and moved on. But I guess the point of the story is you can't control your emotions. I can't stop that. That'll happen again. Something will hit me and it'll touch off a nerve and a little bit of lava will break through and that's just life.




Warwick Fairfax:

So I want listeners to understand, no matter how functional and "healed" you are, you're going to have those moments where a little mini volcano will burst or lava will pop out and you got to learn to have systems to deal with it. Not just say, "Oh, I can't believe I did that. I mean, that was irrational." I don't know if that makes sense because I want listeners to understand no matter how functional you are, if you've had some level of brokenness, you're going to have those little bits of lava that'll perk up now and again. Doesn't mean you're a bad person. You just got to have a system and a method to deal with it, if that makes sense.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yes. That's so important. I feel like a lot of people have a false narrative or a lie they believe, that if they experience painful emotions or intense emotions, then they're doing something wrong. As you're sharing in your experience, it's quite the opposite. Our emotions, they're indicators, not dictators. They don't need to govern your behavior. You can respond instead of reacting out of an emotionally intense place.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Being able to, first of all, give yourself permission and self compassion of, "Okay, this is a difficult time. These emotions are coming up." There's pain, perhaps, and there's truth waiting in that pain to show you something about yourself or other people that perhaps you haven't known before, or a deeper level of healing can take place. So absolutely. There doesn't need to be this shame, or we don't need to attach meaning to the fact that we experience emotion. Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong, or just because it's scary or evokes some kind of anger towards a person doesn't mean that you should eradicate that person from your life. It's an opportunity to grow and learn from those feelings and to feel your feelings and make a conscious choice to do so is hard but important.




Gary Schneeberger:

That sound you heard, listener, was not the cuckoo clock striking the hour. It was the captain in fact-




Warwick Fairfax:

Cuckoo!




Gary Schneeberger:

-turning on the fasten seatbelt sign, letting us know that we're going to have to land the plane here in a bit. But not yet. And before we do that, Andrea, I would be terribly remiss if I did not give you the opportunity to let listeners know how they can find out more about you and how they can get your book and find out more about it.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Thank you, Gary. My website is andreaandersonpolk.com. It's sort of a one stop to ordering my book that's now available. If you want to work together one-on-one, there's information on how to do that. So andreaandersonpolk.com is where you want to be.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. I'm going to jump in before I throw it back to you, Warwick, and this is the surprise I told you was going to come. On your website, Andrea, you have what you call the Cuckoo Syndrome quiz. I took that quiz this morning. It's an amazing experience, and here's why it was an amazing experience for me. I am not unaware of particularly one individual in my life who is a challenge, let's say, sometimes. Not all the time. But is a challenge sometimes. But even at the question level, before I pushed submit, and I got my results, the questions that you pose in this very short quiz about the nature of relationships that may sort of prick at your self-confidence, may prick at your self-worth, may cause you troubles, I mean, it opened my eyes to the fact that this situation, this relationship was more harmful than I had realized even though I've talked about it with my wife; I've talked about it with people. It's not, again, not like I'm not aware of it, but I became more deeply and more significantly aware of it just by the questions.




Gary Schneeberger:

I'm not going to bore everybody with my entire result, which I have right here. But there's a couple things that in the result that were just remarkable. I couldn't believe that this was extrapolated from the answers I gave. "Most days," the results say, "You are trapped in a vortex of unhealthy relationships, toxic thinking, and self-sabotaging behavior occurring simultaneously." I'm the combination cuckoo, which is the most common result, you say. "You really invest yourself deeply in both your relationships and your work, whether it be career, ministry, or a passion project. You're intelligent, conscientious, and hardworking. You do it all. You have an intense inner drive to succeed in business, family matters and community related endeavors. The truth is underneath, you battle insecurity, doubt, and fear." And this is a part that got me.




Gary Schneeberger:

"From the outside looking in, you've got it all together, or you're living your dream. What people don't see is that you're burned out, fatigued, struggle with frequent bouts of depression and are anxious most of the time. Or perhaps you don't spend as much time as you want with the people closest to you." 7 questions on a quiz or 10 or 15, whatever they were, it nailed things that I, again, not unaware of at the surface, but you got me at the bottom. That quiz got me at the sort of the midpoint to the bottom of that iceberg. So thank you for that.




Gary Schneeberger:

Listeners, I cannot endorse enough. This is not a Crucible Leadership endorsement because I don't speak for all of Crucible Leadership. But Gary Schneeberger, the co-host of Beyond the Crucible says go to Andrea's website, take the Cuckoo Syndrome quiz. You will find some revelation and some points to work on to pray about if that's what you do, to work out, to talk to people about, to explore in therapy. Is a very valuable resource. Thank you for providing that. And it's all free of charge.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Thank you, Gary, for sharing that and your vulnerability, that the combination cuckoo...When I took my quiz that I created, that's what I came up with also. I have this tendency in areas of my life where I get so passionate and I invest myself that I tend to burn out and neglect other important relationships in my life. So thank you for taking the courage to share that. I can relate to that. I feel like it's something a lot of people can relate to, the cuckoo dynamic not might not be a person or a harmful relationship, but yeah, it can be something that's happening internally. So I appreciate that. That was a gift to me for you to share.




Gary Schneeberger:

Thank you. Warwick.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow.




Gary Schneeberger:

Take us home.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Well, Gary, thank you so much for sharing that. That is really profound and helpful and it just goes to show, we may seem we have it all together and life is good, which I think for you and I, I think we know each other pretty well. I think all things being equal, life is pretty good. We're both grateful and thankful for our wives and family. But it's a journey and it's just life is not easy. Yeah, so that was just profound. Thank you so much.




Warwick Fairfax:

The last thing I had on my notes, Andrea, that to me maybe I feel sums up a lot of what you're about. This is what I'd written down from your book, and you say, "A person's greatest place of pain is their greatest place of power. Their area of weakness is their area of gifting." So talk about... That does feel like a message of hope. So talk about how that, what you just wrote there really is a message of hope for those who are listening.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

Yes. That's interesting. When you read that, even though it's something I wrote, it evokes an emotion. That was unexpected in me right now because my greatest places of pain growing up were counseling because of the decades of counseling people that were close to me went through that hurt instead of helped. Like God, the church, faith is a very painful place. I would never, if someone had told me that years ago, I just would've looked at them like they were crazy. Being able to talk with you today and have such a profound, meaningful conversation as a counselor, as a person of faith who's helping other people has now become the greatest joy of my soul and all of those things were so painful to me growing up.




Andrea Anderson Polk:

So I feel very blessed to be able to sit here and to share with both of you today. It's such a gift and it is a message of hope because the greatest lie we can believe is that we should avoid the places that cause us, not even the pain itself, but avoid the places that cause us the most pain. That's such a lie because the truth is when you press into that, there is a beautiful purpose that's waiting for you there.




Warwick Fairfax:

I just want to add one more thing before we close because I think what you said is so profound, and as I look back at the pain I've gone through and losing this $2 billion family business and letting down parents and some pain from a close family member. As I'm able to use that pain to help others, there is healing. There is gratitude. It's been years in the making. I've come to a point where I can honestly say I'm grateful for what I went through. There's a sense of gratitude because the mission and purpose I have and perspective, I wouldn't be who I was without that pain. It's just a part of my DNA. I'd be a fundamentally different person.




Warwick Fairfax:

Not to get into historical figures, I think of Franklin Roosevelt, who was this happy-go-lucky aristocratic kind of guy, life of the party in the '20s. He got polio as an adult, which is very rare and death sentence back then in terms of politics. You were meant to just hide away, it was shameful back then. Well, he became president during the Great Depression and he had a level of compassion and empathy and courage. He wouldn't have had a prayer of being elected president if he hadn't had polio, never would've happened. He became a fundamentally different person. So I don't know if Franklin Roosevelt would've ever said his polio was a gift. Hopefully he did, but it was a gift of the country, both in the Depression and World War II. It's a weird thing to say your greatest pain could be your greatest gift, but I think for me, and I think maybe for all of us, that would be the case. So I'll let you have the last word. But does that make any kind of sense?




Andrea Anderson Polk:

That's beautiful because our pain has a dual purpose, which is it allows us to move into a deeper level of freedom and healing and it allows us to touch the lives of other people because your pain, it makes you human and relatable. The purpose of purpose is to be able to serve other people and give them hope. It's not because I'm so special that this happened in my life. It's I want to be able to help you and serve you and give you the hope and courage to push through that pain and to see what's waiting on the other side.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough, listener, to know when the last word on the subject's been spoken, and Andrea has just spoken it. On this episode of Beyond the Crucible, which I think, well, no, I don't think, I know this is a historic episode of Beyond the Crucible because all three people who've been talking got really close to crying in talking about what we were saying. That says, in all seriousness and all transparency and all honesty, that speaks to the effectiveness and the import and the value of what it is that Andrea and her book The Cuckoo Syndrome bring to our discussion here on the show about how to make sure that your setbacks and failures aren't the end of your story, how to move beyond them.




Gary Schneeberger:

So until the next time that we are together, listener, please remember that we do understand, hopefully you heard it in this episode. You'd be hard pressed not to have heard it in this episode. That we understand that your crucible experiences are painful, that they're difficult to navigate. They're difficult to move beyond. But again, what I hope you heard in this conversation is that they're not the end of your story. They, in fact, if you learn the lessons from them, if you come to regard them not as something that happened to you, but happened for you; if, as Warwick said, you can see them as a gift, they can be the start of a new chapter in your story. That new chapter leads to the greatest place it possibly could, and that is a life of significance.

It’s the essential, sometimes heart-wrenching, often-life-changing question pondered by those who move from one act of their lives to another: “Is this all there is?”

In this wrap-up of the eight episode series, SECOND-ACT SIGNIFICANCE, host Warwick Fairfax and cohost Gary Schneeberger extract from the stories shared by guests four key steps you can take to pivot from Act 1 to Act 2 in your own life. And they discuss what all of those guests have in common with a former Major League Baseball player – an All-Star and onetime rookie of the year — who used his own “Is this all there is?” moment to craft a second act going on 50 years that has given him more significance than any home run he ever hit.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Warwick Fairfax:

Often in some of the stories we're going to be talking about, we'll be talking about folks who are in cubicles. They feel like they're stuck, maybe depressed, maybe unfulfilled, and they're thinking, "Is this all there is? I'm an accountant, I'm an assistant. I mean, there's got to be more to life."




Gary Schneeberger:

Is this all there is? That's the essential, sometimes heart-wrenching, often life-changing question we ponder today as we wrap up our series, Second-Act Significance. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. This week, Warwick and I tie a bow on the package of the eight episodes on which we interviewed men and women from all walks of life who have one thing in common, pursuing and achieving a second act in life that is bringing them more satisfaction and significance than their first act ever did. How did they do it? That's the meat and potatoes of this episode. We have extracted from the stories our guests shared four key steps you can take to pivot from act one, to act two in your own life and we'll reveal along the way, what all of them have in common with a former major league baseball player and all star, and one-time rookie of the year who used his own "is this all there is" moment to craft a second act going on 50 years that has given him more significance than any home run he ever hit.




Gary Schneeberger:

This is the wrap up episode of the previous eight weeks, listener. And that's two months of time. That's one sixth of the year, we have dedicated to this subject because we believe and we think it's been born out in this series that this is extremely important to talk about. So how we're going to do this is you'll be hearing from the guests who shared their stories during this series who offer all kinds of inspiration, hope, practical stories about moving into the life you were born to live, on purpose and in service to others.




Gary Schneeberger:

And to get us going as it's often the case, when it's just me and Warwick talking without a guest, we call them dialogue episodes. If you want to hear the inside baseball term. We're going to use as our discussion template for this, the newest blog at crucibleleadership.com actually written by me, which summarizes some key learnings and some key takeaways.




Gary Schneeberger:

And most importantly, some steps you yourself can take as you look to navigate that journey from first act to second act. And as a bonus, because we like to add bonuses when we do the podcast, we're going to add a fourth tip. So we've got three tips in the blog about how you can move from first act to second act smoothly and with success and significance. And then we've added a fourth one here for our discussion. So it's going to be really, I hope quite an emboldening conversation, a buoyant conversation, an important conversation.




Gary Schneeberger:

We're going to begin here as we do it. This is fun for me to begin here personally because the story that we're going to begin with and I'm going to tell is actually the story of someone I had the pleasure to know closely in the mid to late '90s when I lived in Palm Springs, California. His son-in-law is my spiritual father, the man whose church I became a Christian in.




Gary Schneeberger:

I got to know this individual very well in the mid to late '90s when I lived in Palm Springs. And his name is Albie Pearson. Probably you've never heard of Albie Pearson. A couple things about Albie Pearson that make him interesting is that he was, and you can look it up on Wikipedia, it's true, he was the 1958 American League Rookie of the Year in Major League Baseball.




Gary Schneeberger:

Okay? So that just level sets who Albie Pearson was. But before that, long before that, when he was just six years old, he was just a baseball loving boy living in Southern California. He didn't have a lot of friends around that he could play ball with, so he did what any enterprising, young wannabe ball player would do. He snatched his mother's decorative pillows, silk pillows off the couch, built a diamond in his backyard and did what I didn't do it with my mom's pillows, but I did the same thing.




Gary Schneeberger:

I would create baseball games. Just me and my bat and my mind. I would have the play by play and do the whole thing. What Albie's constant game, the game he always played out, minding it with a bat in his hand and nobody else around, just his mom's silk pillows, Albie would always have the game end the same. It was the world series. The bases were loaded. He was up... Mind you, he's six years old when this is all happening. He was at the plate. The ball would come across the plate and Albie would hit a home run, a grand slam to win the World Series, this is a fun part, against the Yankees. Because he's from Southern California. Even back then, right after the era of Gehrig and Babe Ruth, people who didn't live in New York didn't like the Yankees then either.




Gary Schneeberger:

So he would hit the home run that beat the Yankees. And as he rounded the bases, he would hear the roar of the crowd, and it was a beautiful thing. He was basking in the glory of what he felt was going to be his stamp on life, a major league baseball player. But in one of those games that happened in his single digits, something occurred that hadn't occurred before. As he was crossing home plate on this mythical home run as he's running the bases in his backyard, stepping all over his mom's good pillows, Albie heard a voice in his head, say this to him, "Join my team."




Gary Schneeberger:

He didn't know exactly what that meant, so as any six, seven-year-old would do, he was like, "Okay," put it out of his head, went on, kept playing his games. But here's where the story gets really interesting because Albie Pearson would move on to make his major league dreams come true. As I said, he was the 1958 American League Rookie of the Year. He bounced from to the Baltimore Orioles. He ended up with the California Angels at the time where the Los Angeles Angels.




Gary Schneeberger:

They'd been California, Los Angeles, Anaheim, and Los Angeles, again, now I think, but they were an expansion team as the Los Angeles Angels in 1960. He was in fact, the first batter to ever appear at the plate for the Los Angeles Angels in 1960. What makes the story about six year old Albie beating the Yankees in the World Series with a home run is that he actually did hit a home run against the Yankees. No, it wasn't the World Series, but he was at the plate against a pitcher named Whitey Ford.




Gary Schneeberger:

That's the name you probably heard if you're a baseball fan. Whitey Ford was a six-time all star. He's in the Major League Baseball hall of fame. He is he's well known as a Yankee legend. He's lefthanded. Albie happened to be left handed, which if you know baseball, hard for a lefty to hit a home run off a lefty, but Whitey Ford threw in a curve ball. Albie parked it over the right field fence and he got to not step, not round the bases on his mom's pillows, but on actual bases in a Major League Baseball stadium.




Gary Schneeberger:

And as he got to home plate, as he crossed home plate, he was amazed that his mind went right back to that moment at age six, that he hadn't really thought about when he heard that voice say, "Join my team." And in that moment, Albie realized as much as he loved baseball, as much as his career was going pretty well, he hit 128 home runs, I think in a 10-year career. One of them was off Whitey Ford, fulfilling in many ways that dream he had when he was six. As much as he loved that life, he realized when he remembered that moment, "Join my team," that there was something bigger, better for him, more significant for him.




Gary Schneeberger:

And what Albie has done from that moment on after his career ended, and it wasn't too long after that, until this day, I just talked with his son-in-law who's my spiritual father, just today, Albie is still pastoring more than 50 years as a pastor to churches. And in the late '90s when I knew him well lived in the same city, he opened a nonprofit called Fathers Heart Ranch to teach to at risk male youth God's principles and help them navigate life.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that was the life of significance that Albie discovered was his destiny, not just playing baseball. Warwick it's a lot of talking by me, what's your reaction? I know when I first wrote that story in the blog, it kind of hit you like, "Wow, that's a pretty cool story," because the thing that Albie... And here's the big part of the story that I almost left off because I got so excited. As he crossed home plate, when he hit that home run off Whitey Fort, the first thing that flew in his head when he remembered that story of, "Join my team," he thought, "Is this all there is? Is this all there is?"




Gary Schneeberger:

The dream he had since age six had come true mostly. And as he crossed home plate in front of fans, he could only think is this all there is? Is baseball success, this success what I wanted for myself, is that all there is? He discovered when he did this and he became a pastor and he helped underprivileged kids, and he's done that for 50 years. He realized there was more to his life, more to his calling than hitting and catching baseballs. So how did that story hit you, Warwick, when I first dropped it on you?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's an amazing story, Gary, because often in some of the stories we're going to be talking about, we'll be talking about folks who are in cubicles. They feel like they're stuck, maybe depressed, maybe unfulfilled, and they're thinking, "Is this all there is? I'm an accountant. I'm an assistant. I mean, there's got to be more to life." But in this case, for all the world, Albie Pearson was living the dream. He's in Southern California playing for the Los Angeles Angels. Maybe it wasn't the World Series, but he hits a home run off the dreaded, the infamous, New York Yankees.




Warwick Fairfax:

Maybe some people think they're like Darth Vader's team. I don't know. Maybe that's cruel if you're a Yankee's fan, but anybody that's not a Yankee, it's a wonderful thing to beat them. So at the height of his success, it's like, "Is this all there is?"




Warwick Fairfax:

I don't know if he was thinking, "Gosh, this was really my dream and I was focused on myself." I don't quite know why Albie said that, but clearly it was a wonderful journey, a wonderful dream, but yet he pivoted to another dream in which I'm sure he would say as wonderful as being a major league baseball player was he would probably say his second act was even more fulfilling, was even another level of joy. And here he gets to help at-risk male youth and become a pastor.




Warwick Fairfax:

So it's a classic case of that first act wasn't so bad. It was pretty amazing, but yet there was a second act coming up that was even more amazing, even more fulfilling from his perspective.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. The reason that he popped immediately to mind as we were going through the series because every guest in some way or another had as part of their story whether they articulated it or not, is this all there is? They were doing something that in many cases was fulfilling in its own way. Some of them felt stuck. Some of them had really bad crucibles, but whether they articulated the question or not, there was a moment in time where they were wondering, "Is this all there is for my life? Or could there be something better? Could there be something different? Could there be something that gives me a greater sense of purpose and significance?"




Gary Schneeberger:

And the guests then that we're going to review here and the practical tips they give us about how to find that out and how to find that life and significance is how we're going to spend the balance of our time here. Is there anything you want to set listeners up to as we sort of go into these four tips of how you can scratch that, "is this all there is" itch in your own life?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I think what you said, Gary, is very profound, is it? How do you know when you're ready for a second act, the significance? And often it's because you're in a cubicle, maybe you're in a traumatic experience. Maybe life is just feeling boring, you're feeling stuck. So when you begin to say day after day, going to the cubicle, going to the office, whatever it is, is this all there is? That is a question you need to listen at the depths of your soul, because that might mean that whether you believe in God or some universal power that it's not all there is, that maybe somebody up there intends something better, something greater for you from your perspective and his perspective.




Warwick Fairfax:

That question, is this all there is? If you ever think that, you may well be at the cusp of a turning point in your life, a pivot to a second act of significance that is probably the single most powerful question and huge sign that you may be about to transition to a wonderful new time of your life.




Gary Schneeberger:

And here's what we're going to talk about, listener. We've got four tips, like I said, of how you can navigate that journey once that question that, is this all there is feeling hits you. There are four ways, four hopes, inspirations, and then practical steps that you can take. So here's the first one. And the first truth is, it's never too late or too early to pursue a next act in life that brings you more significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

And this was a theme, Warwick, with a number of our guests, perhaps most resoundingly with Robert Miller. Robert Miller was like a lot of guys like Albie. A lot of guys who grow up wanting to play baseball. Robert Miller wanted to play music. He came of age during The Beatles and he wanted to be a rockstar. From the first time he picked up an instrument, that's what he wanted to pursue.




Gary Schneeberger:

But then his dreams got deferred as often happens, right? There's beats in life, there's responsibilities, there's other jobs to pay the bills that maybe paying him more than playing music. There's relationships, and marriage, and kids, and those things. They were all great. He enjoyed them all. He ended up in a career as a lawyer, which lasted for decades. But in his 40s, he had a crucible, got in an accident, broke his neck that got him thinking even more about that dream that he sort of left on the cutting room floor. And that's when in his 60s, he's done as a lawyer, he's retiring, and he picked up his guitar and he launched his band Project Grand Slam.




Gary Schneeberger:

Finally, he got to feel the rush of playing original songs on a stage for an audience. And he's done it at festivals and concerts around the world. The group has released 11 albums with its unique brand of rock, Latin, jazz fusion. One of them has been certified gold. He's got millions of downloads on video and on audio. And the key to all that story, is that he didn't just think about, "Boy, this was my dream." He finally decided, I've got to act on this dream. That's a pretty powerful first step to take, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, Robert Miller is such a fascinating story. Grew up with a love of music and mentioning his dad was a jazz trumpeter. It's sort of an amazing story. When you think about it and briefly, we tried to get in that maybe, I think he was working at PBS in Boston, but I think his parents, dads, be practical as parents often do. And he, for the next umpteen decades becomes a lawyer.




Warwick Fairfax:

He's living in New York City and he's doing well. But you mentioned the accident in his 40s. Even then, years went by and he's approaching 60. He finally just says, "I'm just not going to let this go. I'm going to start pursuing my dream." Now, most people, when they get in their late 50s, early 60s, they say, "Well, I had my shot. I had a good career. I've got a good life, married family."




Warwick Fairfax:

But the fact that he made the pivot to Project Grand Slam and later his podcast, Follow Your Dream Podcast. I mean, it's stunning. He just had the courage, he just hit a point where he's like, "Is this all there is?" I'm just going to go for my dream. It's just incredible. Really the lesson there is it's never too late. No matter how old you are, it is never too late and it wasn't for Robert Miller.




Gary Schneeberger:

No. And in fact, listener, here's a clip from our original interview with Robert in which he, in his own words talks about that moment when he decided, "If I'm going to do it, I better do it soon."




Robert Miller:

You have a dream, you have a path, you have a burning desire, life gets in the way. We don't plan for it. It just happens. And it happens to most of us. Most people don't wind up doing exactly what they dreamt they would be doing when they were younger. Either it wasn't practical or it wasn't in the cards where their uncle offered them a job, and they went into this, that, or the other thing. Stuff happens. That's the usual case. It's the unusual case of somebody that knows at an early age, this is what I want to do and they actually do it.




Robert Miller:

So the question then becomes, "All right, do you let that dream go? Was it just a youthful, fancy of some sort? Or do you pursue it?" And frankly, when I decided to jump into the deep end of the pool, I had just passed my 60th birthday and I said to myself, "If I don't do it now, when the heck am I going to do it?"




Gary Schneeberger:

So when am I going to do it, if I don't do it now. What a great question that is, right? If you've suppressed a dream, say, he was a teenager, he was in his 60s. So you're talking 40, 45 years. That's a pretty amazing thing to do to come to the place where you can say, "I'm going to do it. I don't know how it's all going to turn out, but I'm going to do it."




Gary Schneeberger:

He's not the only one though, because if you remember, our first point is it's never too late or too early. You're never too old or too young to move into a life of Second-Act Significance. And on the opposite end of Robert Miller is a guest we've had on just in the last couple of weeks, Yvette Bodden who was a young mother going through a very, very, very difficult divorce, and she faced the same decision. If there was more to life than what she was doing, she had an office job. It was enough to get by day to day, week to week.




Gary Schneeberger:

But as her life began to unravel through the divorce, she used that unraveling as a way to sort of explore what she really wanted to do and whether she was doing it. She slowly found blessing and purpose as she described it, that she says she wouldn't have ever discovered if she hadn't gone through the crucible that she went through.




Gary Schneeberger:

She was able through that to step into what she really felt like her heart was calling her to, and what her giftings allowed her to do and that was to become a thought leader and writer and create a web platform called Awakened Woman, which encourages women to dream big as they pursue their own passions by exercising their giftings.




Gary Schneeberger:

That was one of my favorite episodes of this series with Yvette. Maybe because I'm a journalist by training too, that's what she's doing now and I felt a certain chemistry there with that. But what stands out for you about our conversation with Yvette?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yvette is so authentic, vulnerable in the best sense of that word. She has a real compassion and heart. Hers is an amazing story growing up in New York City. The daughter of Dominican parents. And often with the immigrant experience, there's this great desire to obviously make it, but to be practical. And so here she was just working in sort of administrative event planning role and some probably office in New York City and being all very practical, but kind of losing herself in a way. She was married.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's this sad thing of, as she described to us, the more that she began to get in touch with herself as she was journaling and beginning to write, the more she was becoming her, the real Yvette as she put it, it caused distance in the marriage with her husband, which is unbelievably sad and they had a daughter.




Warwick Fairfax:

So as she was finding herself, this sheer act of finding herself somehow contributed to the breakup of her marriage. I mean, she wasn't doing anything wrong. She was being herself, but for whatever reason, and this is part of it, it broke up the marriage, which was sort of devastating, but yet she didn't let that loss define her nor did she say, "I'm just going to still live my cubicle administration event planning life."




Warwick Fairfax:

She kind of bounced forward, if you will, with Awakened Woman as she's shared, I think maybe like 500 articles. She wrote a book, The Journey to Becoming Your Best Self, which is, I guess, part inspiration, self-help, biography, some fictional stuff in there. Really a mix of genres. And she really has this passion to help women rise up. I mean, she's just this role model of not giving up and just inspiring so many people.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, she talks about people from all around the world write to her from Africa, from everywhere. And just saying "it's inspiring that I can rise up too." There's was a wonderful moment in the podcast where times were tough with the depth of the breakup of her marriage and she probably had some moments where she was thinking, "Can I really get myself out of bed this morning?" Because life is very grim. Her daughter came to her and said, "Mom greatness takes time."




Warwick Fairfax:

It felt like that was part of her inspiration. She wanted to rise up, not just for herself, but for her daughter. She is so inspirational. She didn't let tragedy define her. And her second act of just helping women rise up with Awakened Woman, it's stunning, it's empowering. She's helped so many women all around the globe and she's an incredible story.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And that story about her daughter, you've heard X doesn't fall far from the tree, right? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The encouragement apple did not fall far from the tree if that's what Yvette Bodden's daughter was able to do to encourage her mom, because what we'll hear right now in this clip from the show is a Yvette talking about the way she tries to encourage women through awakened-woman.com.




Yvette Bodden:

You can fall a hundred times, but you can rise up. I know it sounds simple, but I wanted to inspire that fight in other women. I feel that my writing is doing that. When I get messages from women in Africa and other parts of the world saying, "You planted a seed. Thank you for sharing your story. The same thing happened to me and I feel like I can get past it," I know I'm doing something right.




Gary Schneeberger:

The thing that stands out for me about that clip and about the whole show with Yvette was her heart. You can tell, as you listen to her, that she feels what she's doing to help women is significant, but you can also tell that she feels significantly honored and blessed to be in the position to do it. When we talk about significance being living a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others, yes, that transfers significance to others, but it fills the person with an enormous sense of gratitude and significance from where she came to just in that clip that we just played, the emotion in her voice. So she talks about what she tries to inspire women with is itself inspirational. I hope is practical for listeners to tap into that own root in themselves.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Gary, I love the phrase that she has. You can fall a hundred times, but you can rise up. I mean, just her desire to fight for women, to help them rise up all around the globe by sharing their story, she loves interviewing and you're right. She doesn't see it as about her so much as sharing the stories of these other amazing women. If you had to say, "What is the theme of her life?," it's you can rise up. In our words, we say, "You're not defined by your worst day."




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Yvette Bodden wasn't. She rose up, her daughter has risen up, and she's helped women all around the globe rise up. Her story is powerful. I mean, it's an inspiration to all of us.




Gary Schneeberger:

And here's some of the bonus content that's not in the blog that we're adding in here. Yvette and Robert aren't the only two folks who talked about, who touched a little bit on the fact that it's not too late ever or it's not too early ever to get moving toward a second act of significance if for whatever reason, the first act did not feel as significant as your heart tells you it should. And another guest who touched on this in really powerful ways was Nancy Volpe-Beringer, who was in her late 50s when she let herself not just dream of a career in fashion design, but pursue it.




Gary Schneeberger:

She had success and security with a great job, but there was something, again. She didn't put it in these words, but there was something there that said, "Is this all there is?" As a young girl, she'd liked to sew and she never pursued that, and she remembered that and it led her into saying, "Okay, I'm in my 50s. I'm about to turn 60, but it's not too late for me." How did that story hit you? And then we'll play her clip when that moment hit her.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, she is an inspiration. She had a good job in, I think, like a National Teachers Organization in New Jersey and she was doing well, set for life. But it's like she had, "Is this all there is" moment? And began to think of it as a fashion design. I mean, it's just stunning. Typically in your late fifties, you don't think of doing that. When you go to fashion school, so to speak, all the other people are in their 20s, maybe 30s. They're all young. She didn't give up on her dream. It's just she had is this all there is moment and she didn't let her age define her or stop her courage about pursuing her dream. It's an amazing story.




Gary Schneeberger:

I will never forget her unlikely and powerful story about the moment when she decided to press into that second act of significance. And here's Nancy Volpe-Beringer talking about it in the podcast.




Nancy Volpe-Beringer:

It was 3:00 AM. I know exactly because I wasn't sleeping. It's 3:00 AM and I'm thinking of my sons. The one is in finance, president of a company, very successful. The other, the musician, had graduated, had a recording studio, but he wasn't making money. So he's teaching himself additional skills, photography, videography, all online. And believe it or not, I start thinking about what he was doing, it sounded so exciting and I got jealous. I got jealous of my own son. This is the moment my life changed.




Nancy Volpe-Beringer:

I dared to ask myself if I was young again, what would I want to be learning? Hypothetical question. The amazing thing was the answer came immediately to me, immediately, and it was fashion design. Don't ask me where it came... It came immediately. So I'm still not sleeping and I start researching programs. I'm going to see what schools what's available, and then I see interior design.




Nancy Volpe-Beringer:

I'm like, "Well, maybe I should do that at my age." And then I went, "No, Nancy. You're just dreaming." This is practical stay where you're at. This isn't about being impractical, this is about a fantasy if you were young.




Nancy Volpe-Beringer:

Well, I start researching it. By the next week, I was in New York touring two of the top fashion schools and I signed up for a drawing class because I did not know how to illustrate, but I started taking it the day of the one tour. And the last one I took happened to be in my backyard in Philadelphia. But it was always there. And once I answered it, there was no going back.




Gary Schneeberger:

The thing Warwick that sticks out most for me about that episode with Nancy Volpe-Beringer was later on, she talks about where she found her true calling in fashion design. And that was when, on the television show Project Runway, which she finished runner up in her 60s, just a couple years ago, there was a challenge for all the designers to create a clothing look for Paralympians. She tells this remarkable story about how she so wanted to help those folks, but she could tell that the other 10, 15 contestants around her didn't really have a lot of interest and they were kind of like praying like, "Please, no, I don't want to have to do it."




Gary Schneeberger:

She was just chomping at the bit to go do it in almost 120 episodes of the show. I've never gotten the chills, listening to a guest tell a story until Nancy told that story. How did you feel about the whole Nancy Volpe-Beringer episode and that story where her calling came clear in particular?




Warwick Fairfax:

So she has this notion with her fashion. It's not just about building an empire or building the greatest fashion brand on the planet or what have you, it's about serving others. I mean, she truly is living a life of significance. I mean, it's not easy I'm sure to create fashions that are beautiful and practical for those with challenges and those who are different. But she embraces the challenge because it's not about her, it's about serving others. And really, it's in serving others that we get true joy and fulfillment. And Nancy Volpe-Beringer absolutely models that.




Gary Schneeberger:

All right. That was point one of the journey, the road to charting the course to Second-Act Significance. Point two, when you set out on a journey to new significance, follow your heart and lean into your talents. The guest that perhaps best exemplified that to us, I think was Melissa Reaves who was in a really bad spot. She wasn't sure how her life was going to be okay after she got fired from a very well paying job in advertising. But then what she called her inner voice, assured her that she could muster the courage and inspiration to embark on a new career that has become a mission for her.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that career is helping professionals use the power of story to write happy endings for their businesses. She coaches clients in what she calls, making mind movies that add depth and meaning to their communications. And doing so - here's the point lean into your talents, follow your heart - doing so has allowed her to tap into her youthful affinity and excellence in acting, reviving a part of her that she'd allowed to atrophy for a bit in her career choices up until then. Talk a little bit about how you felt listening to Melissa Reaves. I found her incredibly inspiring and she was just so full of life. It was great.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I mean, I love the fact that Melissa Reaves has this whole thing called story fruition and she just leans into telling stories, but she's just a funny person, an amusing person. She's amazing. I mean, she's always had this desire to act in musical theater in college and she was in Orange County working for a paper there doing, I think, amongst others, digital advertising.




Warwick Fairfax:

She was doing well. But I don't know, maybe she just wasn't the typical boys club as she puts it the typical guys, the Erics and the what have you of this world. She gets fired and yet she's doing well. And yet it seemed like while that was tough, I mean, she had a daughter who I think had so much OCD she was almost bedridden.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

But yet in that instance, she felt like almost like voices in her head, maybe some powers above that were like, "Don't worry you're going to be. You're going to be okay." That pink slip is like yay. And she's like, "No, yay. What do you mean, yay? How can this be a good thing?" But yet, it was. She's very good at selling and stories. One of the key pivot points is she's standing in the hall of Seattle University's business plan competition and they're there in business class, pitching their ideas. It's all very analytical, left brain, numbers and charts and people are falling asleep.




Warwick Fairfax:

She's like, "I can help these students." It was like the angels from heaven were singing. The light bulb goes off above her. This is like a cartoon. "I can do this." And so she-




Gary Schneeberger:

Almost that voice in Albie Pearson's head saying, "Join my team."




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly.




Gary Schneeberger:

Like there was this otherworldly thing.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. And she felt like, "I can help them tell stories." So now she helps investors and other business people tell the story of their business, but by telling compelling stories, personal stories. When you're appealing even for investors, you got to have the numbers and you got to have the stuff that appeals to the mind. But if you don't appeal to the heart, it's going to be a no. People are going to say, "No, you got to do both."




Warwick Fairfax:

She's found her niche with Story Fruition and mind movies in helping business professionals tell their stories. And she's able to lead a good life for herself and a daughter and it was just so inspiring. Just that aha moment in Seattle University. It changed her life. So getting fired ended up being a blessing in some weird way.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. I've heard that expressed in another way, but we'll get to that later about how having a life upending crucible can in fact be a gift. But what I love about Melissa, she was a fun guest. I mean, she told a lot of stories. She has a grand love of life. The stories she tells she's got all kinds of... She would do voices and play different characters. It was fascinating. But in being able to use that acting ability that she teaches her clients, that was when she was able to finally wrap a vision around her giftings, and that she'd long let lie dormant. Here's how she explained it on the show.




Melissa Reaves:

I deep down always thought I would be an entrepreneur. When I was 25 years old I thought, "I have taken Toastmasters. I am an excellent speaker. I am going to teach people Toastmasters, And that's what I'm going to do." I started my little company and I had cards that said, "Speakeasy. That's what I was going to call it." I didn't really realize that it would probably have like a sexual connotation and that wasn't the best branding tick." But I was only 25 and I was going to do this. And I then went, "I am too young and dumb to do this. No, I'm not ready for it."




Melissa Reaves:

But she, that entrepreneurial Melissa was born inside me. So when I was stepping out of the smoldering flames and I started to listen to my higher self, all of a sudden, my second half now is on my terms. It's my life. And if I need to be a little bit selfish to find my joy, then that's what I'm going to do because I want to be the best mom I can be. I don't want to deal with Ryan, Brians and Erics again that are going to make me feel like I'm not smart, because I am smart.




Melissa Reaves:

I am going to attract the clients that I want and I'm going to be bringing them something that they didn't even know that they needed, but now that they do, they are so excited about the work we're doing. I'd walk through most of the day with goosebumps. When I tap a story in one of my clients and we go, "Ooh, there it is." It is so much joy. And even though with being an entrepreneur, you're on a boat ride or a roller coaster. It's going to go up, it's going down. It's going to swirl. You're going to have good months. You're going to have thin months. But it doesn't matter because if you're still believing in what you're doing. Or I'll just talk for myself, when I started believing in what I was doing with joy and with value, how could this not be the best time in my life? I'm 56 years old. I am just starting.




Gary Schneeberger:

I think the joy at the end of that clip, she says, "It's my life. I'm living my life." I think that comes from living a life on purpose dedicated to serving others, but also using those skills. What are those talents? This point too you'll remember is to lean into your talents. Follow your heart and lean into your talents. And that is a textbook case what Melissa did in starting Story Fruition and the success that she's having now that goes beyond success, but to significance for herself and for clients. Right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Yeah, in that moment, when she was fired, which she talks about stepping out of the smoldering flames, it was painful. But she talks about how the entrepreneurial Melissa was born in that moment. She listened to her higher self and really all of her story was leading up to this moment, speaking of Story Fruition.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

She loved telling stories and acting, but she could sell. And so just listening deep down, "How can I use everything that I am, my ability to tell stories, my ability to sell?" And because she was focused on that,and this is very important for listeners to understand when you know who you are and your gifting and your talents, and almost a glimmer of your calling, when she was in Seattle university and saw those business school students try to sell with a very left brain approach, she said, "Aha, this is it. I can do this. I know how to sell, but I know how to tell stories." And so because she'd done that soul work, she was set up to take advantage of that opportunity.




Warwick Fairfax:

So by leaning into your talents, following your heart, when opportunities come, you will be able to seize them, seize the day and go full speed ahead. You got to do the prep work to take advantage of that opportunity, which in her case came at Seattle University.




Gary Schneeberger:

And Melissa's not the only guest who has a story that traffics in some of those beats of follow your heart and follow what you've already come to understand are your talents.




Gary Schneeberger:

John Busacker is another one who falls into that case, carved out a great career in the financial services and leadership development industry, but then had a crucible that was... And I'll let you speak to the crucible since that's your term. I'll let you have that. But he comes out on the other side of that crucible, little bit of a shift to his life, he'll talk about it a bit in the clip, a little bit of a shift to that life and he brings to bear what he was already gifted at and puts it in place for something a little bit different. But what was John's crucible work?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I think he was driving along and he felt like he was having a heart attack. I think he lives in Minnesota at the local Cub Foods, I think it was, and going in there to get his blood pressure measured. He goes home and talks to his wife who happens to be a... Maybe even a cardiac nurse like a emergency room nurse or something and says, "Honey, I think I'm not feeling too well." She tried to say it calmly, but didn't work. His wife-




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. She wasn't buying it. She wasn't buying it.




Warwick Fairfax:

It was like, "Uh-oh, hold the fun. There's a problem here." And it turns out it wasn't a heart attack, he was just maybe having a heart moment. It just somehow what he was doing, which he was doing fine, but he felt like, "Yeah, this is fine, finance and leadership development." But he felt like there's something more. And for him, it was, he found his calling by helping his clients find their true calling and finish well.




Warwick Fairfax:

He's still using his talents, but in something that he feels like is more in line with his high self and that heart attack was a divine tap on your shoulder saying, "John, I need you to do something else here. You have a different mission."




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's really important. I want listeners to make sure they hear this, what we've just talked about Melissa and John, and we'll play John's clip in a minute because I think it's relevant to end the point I'm going to make is that you don't have to, as you move from first act to second act, you don't abandon everything from the first act, right? There are all kinds of things you can gather up, gifts and talents and abilities and those things in your heart that maybe they've been unexpressed and untapped, but they're there.




Gary Schneeberger:

So it's not like you throw out the life with the bath water, you can pivot. Pivot is a good word and Warwick's used it a couple times. Pivot, it's not a complete erasure and rewrite. It's a pivot into something that brings you a little bit more satisfaction and brings others and yourself more significance. But it's interesting what John talks about in this clip here is this idea of finding your way and surviving the uncertainties of life.




Gary Schneeberger:

It's a very important point as you look to navigate from act one to act two. It's important to know that there's going to be some uncertainties in there. Stick with it. You'll do okay. Here's John Busacker.




John Busacker:

We're forced often to let go of the illusion of certainty. We thought we had the answer. We thought we knew. We thought we were so certain about this. And it's like, "Oops. It actually isn't that." In my own experiences of making career changes, for example, or different life experiences, things that I thought I was clear about, maybe I was at the time, but they became less clear in that space. And then I grew into a new understanding, a new learning. And hopefully I say this with a certain amount of trepidation, hopefully that continues. Right? Even though again, that in between space is uncomfortable.




Gary Schneeberger:

What stood out for me in that clip about John in our whole conversation was his emphasis on the importance of transition moments. Great food for thought for anyone who's looking to build significance out of uncertainty, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, when you have those pivot points, as we said for John it was that heart attack he thought he had which is more of an anxiety attack is just to understand what is that? And yes, he was using his talents before, but it was more finance and leadership development. So he's using his talents as he puts it to build hearts.




Gary Schneeberger:

Point three in our discussion of how you move from first act to second act based on the insights and the experience of the guests that we've had on our series, Second-Act Significance is point three is starting small is okay because it's starting. That's the key, starting. I think the guests who stand out the most on this one Warwick are Erik and Emily Orton. I mean, their story starts in a crucible. Erik's dream job of being a playwright and theatrical producer comes to a crashing halt.




Gary Schneeberger:

I'm not laughing at him for it, but it's just like, he's had this dream, had this dream and then it comes to this halt because his show closed after only a few performances. It was closed by his co-producer. And the failure left him fearful and rudderless, but then his curiosity about sailing became his family's passion for sailing.




Gary Schneeberger:

They steered their boat's rudder on a 5,000 mile journey from New York to the Caribbean. And what Erik and Emily discovered on the trip with their five kids sharing the adventure with them was how to turn worry into wonder and the importance of building confidence, credibility, and calm. I loved talking to these two because every time they opened their mouths, things you had to take notes on came out. They're just very, very erudite and quite impactful and practical about how you move from one act to the other.




Gary Schneeberger:

And those are truths that they now teach through their speaking, writing, and coaching. The Ortons were our second guests. What was it about them that struck you?




Warwick Fairfax:

Erik and Emily Orton, they're just amazing people. I love their hearts and their curiosity, and they are a solid team. I remember in the depths of what Erik was going through, as you mentioned... Well, actually, just to unpack it a little bit more, he was part of the Broadway play musical, Wicked. In Broadway, it's hard to be kind of set for life he was. This is going to go on for years, forever maybe and he's part of the touring program. But then to have the courage to do, I think, an off Broadway play and that kind of launches, and while his wife was in labor, his co-producer closes. It had middling reviews, not terrible, but he's out of a job, wiped out.




Gary Schneeberger:

And here is from Erik's own lips and own experience is that pivotal moment. As Warwick said, as we've said, it could not, as this point makes clear, it could not have started smaller.




Erik Orton:

During my dinner break, that's when Emily and I would get on the phone, we would talk as we tried to figure out how to dig ourselves out of this hole that we found ourselves in, and I would describe this to her. She was happy that I would see these boats and that they gave me a sense of peace. And as I described it often enough, I realized that there was a sailing school right downstairs from where I worked and that's where these boats were coming from. She said, "You should go check it out. Maybe you'd want to learn how to sail."




Gary Schneeberger:

The thing about the Ortons, Warwick, that really struck me the most is that the legacy that they're building into their children. We talk a lot at, Beyond The Crucible and in Crucible Leadership about the importance of legacy and bringing their five kids along on that 5,000 mile journey that they took and the lessons that they taught about attacking your fears, trusting in their ability to figure it out, to step forward toward a worthy goal even if you don't have all the boxes checked, right?




Gary Schneeberger:

Go and feel the wind in your hair, even if you don't have all the answers in your head just yet. That's what the Ortons taught their kids. And that's going to pay legacy dividends to their children, to their grandchildren, to their great grandchildren. That's a pivotal important moment about why Second-Act Significance can have such a long tail.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean, one of the things that he said to his wife, Emily, to try and sell this whole... Because she's a very practical person, this whole spend a year going sailing is he said, "Our kids are going to have me 24/7." And for a lot of guys in the working world that doesn't happen, especially at a young age. It's like, "Wow, have my husband 24/7 with my kids? That sounds pretty cool. Have us together? A lot of working women these days obviously have both of us 24/7 with our kids? In this day and age, that never happens."




Warwick Fairfax:

So that was inspiring. And just the life lessons with these kids. One of his kids said is, "Mom and dad, I learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable." I mean, that is stunning. So the life lessons and now the lessons he's able to help he and Emily teach others is just incredible. But it just started with that small step, looking out the window at those sailboats. It's just an inspiring story.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And again, makes the point, as we said earlier, you're never too old or too young, and your first step is never too minor, never too small. It's never too baby. It's never too infant. It's important. It can get you along the way. And another guest that we had on this show might have been... He was one of my favorite ones because he makes pasta sauce that I got and it was really, really, really good. But that's Chris Schembra. And Chris Schembra, again, speaking of plays, of the theater, he had returned home to New York City in 2015 after producing a successful Broadway play in Italy only to find himself, and these were his words, he found himself when he got home feeling insecure, lonely, disconnected, and unfulfilled.




Gary Schneeberger:

His antidote for that crucible was food and friendship. But before we unpack that a little bit, I want to get to... Because I want Chris to describe just how small and how non-visionary that all started. And here's Chris talking about it when we talked to him on the show.




Chris Schembra:

He said, "How do I recreate the magic that I felt over in Italy? What was it about Italy that La Dolce Vita? Was it how they walked, how they talked, how they dressed, how they honored history, how they loved art?" No, it's how they ate food specifically. It's how they ate food amongst community. So I got to do that.




Chris Schembra:

So here in my kitchen, in New York City, I started playing around with all these different recipes and accidentally created a pasta sauce recipe I thought was a decent recipe. Gary thinks it's pretty, pretty good.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yes, I have to say I ate it a couple days ago when my stepdaughter's boyfriend came over for dinner and it was a huge hit with everyone. We're buying more.




Chris Schembra:

Heck, yeah. I figured I should probably feed it to people and maybe host a dinner party. So July 15th, 2015, two months after we got back from Rome, Italy, I called up my buddy, Tripp Derrick Barnes and I said, "Can I use your backyard? I want to host a dinner party." At the time, it was just 15 friends coming over dinner at 6:30 PM. Each of them brought a bottle of wine. We worked together to create the meal. We served each other. We had great conversations, decent pasta sauce. And you know what, the rest is history.




Gary Schneeberger:

Chris was a very entertaining, very enlivening guest. Was he not?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I love how he talks about talented American guy, goes to Italy, is doing some stuff with plays, and like many of us who've been to Italy, he loves the whole Dolce Vita. I think it means the sweet life, the beautiful life. It just conjures movies of Italian movies of the '60s and the beautiful life, the beautiful people. So he comes back and he's not feeling the La Dolce Vita back in the US, back in New York where he's from.




Warwick Fairfax:

So just that idea of, "Well, let me just have a few friends over at the dinner. It's probably what you do in Italy all the time. We'll talk, we'll have fun." He's got this pasta sauce and out of that, he has this notion of having a meal where you'll have real conversation and just something simple as what one person do you want to tell how grateful you are for them? It's just a simple thing.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And not just grateful because of something great they did, maybe grateful because of something that they let you down on. That's an important point. And some of his best answers he said came out of that second half of that question.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Amazing. He was an amazing guest and just that idea, well, I kind of enjoy being with people and pasta sauce and all, and real conversations and just being grateful for the things good or bad that have happened in your life. But it all came out somewhat of a small step. Let's invite a few friends over for dinner and I've got this pasta sauce. I like to try out. It wasn't this mega vision.




Gary Schneeberger:

No. And it grew, right? It grew into 500,000 relationships have been helped through what he does through what he calls the 747 because that's the time of the dinner start gratitude experience. He was named USA today's gratitude guru. Rolling Stone gave him a big award. I mean it really, really, really took off for him and all it was, it started out as almost self-therapy because he was feeling so lost when he got back from Italy, back to New York, he was feeling lost. So he launched this thing first to help himself and lo and behold, he's helped all these other people.




Gary Schneeberger:

But there's a significant part as we're talking about significance of Chris's story because it shines a light on something that we can't make clear enough and that we called this series Second-Act Significance for a reason, because it's not last act significance. Your second act, as significant as it can become, isn't necessarily, probably in most cases, your last act. Because like your crucible, it does not have to be the end of your story.




Gary Schneeberger:

Second acts change, morph, grow. And sometimes as in Chris's case lead to a third act. And for him, that third act came out when his vision, right, what he started with this simple step grew into this big thing. And as he described it, went from his vision to being his exact, not words, his exact letters, a J-O-B. And that's when things got difficult for him again. He had to launch into a third act where he sort of reconstituted some things about the way that he was doing to get him back to what he loves about building community. And that's what he's walking out now.




Gary Schneeberger:

So that point, I don't think we can make enough. We called it Second-Act Significance because we know it's not last act significance in many, if not most cases.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, no, that's true. I mean, it's easy for your vision to begin to own you and is making all these corporate partnerships and deals. As you're building your second act, you always want to make sure that it's your vision and your dream is serving you and you don't end up getting kind of all good things if you're not careful can almost control you, what have you. So that was a good realization that he needed to get balanced and just make sure that he just recovers the joy of just those initial dinner parties with friends. So that's a good one.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Three points down, one to go. Here's the last point, the bonus point that's not in our blog. And I'd be lying if I said that this wasn't in part inspired by a historical figure whom I know our host loves. And the fourth point is listen to Churchill who said, "Never give in. Never, never, never, never." Warwick, help us with the context of where that came from.




Warwick Fairfax:

Indeed. Obviously, love Winston Churchill was so many of us do. So really, as listeners might know, he was prime minister in World War II became prime minister, I think in May 1940 when Britain was almost at its lowest ebb. Hitler and Nazi Germany has swept through Europe. They'd just conquered France and the battle of Britain was about to start. And it sure seemed like Britain was going to be next with the onslaught of Nazi Germany.




Warwick Fairfax:

So he gave this speech in parliament and basically, we'll fight them on the beaches, in the villages and the towns, but we are never going to give in. We are never, never, never going to give up. So the point of that story is if you were living in Britain in May 1940, the summer of 1940, things couldn't be possibly much worse. It was Britain against the world. US would come a year and a half later or so in December 1941.




Warwick Fairfax:

But at the time, it was pretty much Britain and its Commonwealth, I suppose, including Australia, Canada, a few other places. But life looked pretty dire, but yet it's like, "We are not giving up here. We're going to defend our island. We are not going to give up."




Warwick Fairfax:

So the fighting spirit of the British people amidst the onslaught of nightly bombings was incredible. So at your lowest ebb, you need to channel your inner Churchill of not to give up.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. And that is relevant to this discussion of our wrap-up of the series, Second-Act Significance because some guests had to go through that. Many of you as you pursue your own second act of significance could find yourselves, very likely will find yourself hitting brick walls, hitting some doors you thought should be open that aren't open that require you to never... I'm going to make sure I get it right. Never give in. Never, never, never, never. Four nevers. Never give in. And the guest that really exemplified that for us was Kari Schwear, who had confronted and conquered the drinking she realized was causing a problem in her life.




Gary Schneeberger:

She attended Alcoholics Anonymous for a while, but felt that wasn't her story, that wasn't going to be a long-term solution for her. And then as she's going to describe in this clip right here, she heard a podcast guest talk about something that made crystal clear what her second act of significance should be. Here's Kari.




Kari Schwear:

Right around this time, I heard the term, gray area drinking via a guest that was on a podcast. And when I was walking my dog and I heard this podcast interview, I literally stopped in the middle of the street. It was a warm summer morning, like 7:30 in the morning and I was like, "Oh my gosh, that's what I was." I never identified as an alcoholic. I was a gray area drinker.




Kari Schwear:

So I came home. It was like the fire was just burning inside me. I came home and I researched everything I could on gray area drinking. And there wasn't a lot out there. I thought, "If I can share what gray area drinking is with more people, I'll get them to raise their hand before they get into a deeper addiction."




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, the thing I hinted at the top of the show about there's something surprising that I didn't even know, I was talking about Albie Pearson and his rounding the bases after he hit the home run off Whitey Ford and thinking, "Is this all there is?" You may not remember this, but when we interviewed Kari and she was our first guest, so it was a while ago, she recounted that at age seven, she remembers thinking about her life. And these are the exact words that she used, "Is this all there is to life?"




Gary Schneeberger:

She asked herself at age seven and thought that was kind of a weird question, but that was the kind of ennui she was going through even as a child before she then embarked on a journey of soul crushing crucibles. And even as she went through that, she found success in each of her multiple career stops. But that question, she asked herself at seven as she moved forward in life, she had to have asked herself that question over and over and over again until she pivoted into significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean, it took a while for Kari Schwear. I mean, there's always reasons why she, I guess, didn't define herself as an alcoholic, but as she terms it a gray area drinker. But she'd spend weekends saying, "Well, I'll just drink on the weekends." And weekends became Thursday to Monday and the weekends kept extending. That's what she says is there's always a why. "Well, why was I doing that?"




Warwick Fairfax:

And ultimately, she was dissatisfied with parts of her life, but really she was dissatisfied with herself. And sadly, there was an origin story of that dissatisfaction. She was physically and sexually abused, as a teenager by some older boys. And obviously and incredibly sadly, that is going to damage your self-image. She met this great guy and some of the challenges I think they had early on was because she didn't like herself. It's like, "How could this guy like me?" And that's going to be a challenge in a marriage if you go, "Well, why would somebody like me?"




Warwick Fairfax:

She was, I think, a Porsche dealer, in sales. She was doing fine. But as we just heard, when she just came upon this notion of gray area drinking, it's like, "That's me. And maybe I can help other people, not just people who were drinking, but people who had relationship issues, career issues. Maybe they're living life in the gray. Maybe they're not living their full lives. So all of that pain was leading up to that point in which, "This is my calling. This could be me."




Gary Schneeberger:

And yet, the reason that she's in the section about never, never, never, I don't know if I got enough nevers in there never give in is because when she first stepped out and you heard the enthusiasm, listener, in her voice, when she was telling the story about, "Oh, gray area drinking, that's what I am." She hit a brick wall right off the bat. She went to her church and said, "I want to have a small group in our church here and talk about this gray area drinking."




Gary Schneeberger:

She was told that they weren't going to let her do that because they already had an addiction recovery group. And that sort of set her off initially to be a little upset. But then she talked to a friend who said, "Well, wait a minute. If this is something that truly has been stamped on your heart to do, if this is..." Not her friend's words, but our words in the context of this series, "if this is what's going to lead you to Second-Act Significance, why are you going to let somebody stop you? Go do it. Go start it on your own."




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's when Kari Schwear founded GrayTonic, not just about drinking, but about, as you said, helping people through relationship issues and other things. That's when she went out on her own as a coach, and that is her life of significance now. On purpose, dedicated to serving others and her first step out of the gate, it wasn't like the curtain opened on the second act right away. No, they kept it shut for a while and she had to work hard to get it to open and it did. She started her own thing and look where she is now.




Gary Schneeberger:

So that's a telling story for folks about, "You got to have some perseverance too. You've got what you feel like God, the universe is telling you to do. You've got gifts and passions. You're taking a small step. You're going to do it. You can still hit a roadblock. You can still hit a closed curtain and you have to work to get through that." And she's an exemplary example of that, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. So well said. I mean, sometimes your first baby step, you hit a brick wall. You get hit over the head with a sledge hammer. It's like, "Okay. Not taking any more baby steps. Not getting out of bed. Not leaving the house." Okay, clearly this was a bad idea, but yet she had a lot more guts and determination. She could have been angry at her church, which she probably was a little frustrated, I'm guessing, but she didn't give up. She could have said, "Well, who needs GrayTonic? Makes no sense. There's Alcoholics Anonymous. Maybe people don't identify with gray area drinking."




Warwick Fairfax:

She could have gone in a negative anti-dream, anti-vision spiral in which this proves how there's no market for this. There's no need. I'm just going to give up. But yet she didn't, she persevered and she said, "Look, I really believe in this. I'm going to keep going." Nothing against Alcoholics Anonymous or other recovery programs, but I feel there's a bunch of people that say, "Look, hey, I'm not an alcoholic. I just have a little drinking problem."




Warwick Fairfax:

Whether that's true or not, the point is there are some people who will come to GrayTonic that will never go to Alcoholics Anonymous or some other group. But they will self-identify, "Hey, this is me." So she didn't give up. She pursued her vision, and that's really a model for us. You don't give up when your first step gets crushed the way it did for her.




Gary Schneeberger:

Okay. That's a good lead in, co-host. That's a good lead in. I'm not a math whiz as anybody who knows me knows, but my tally says, We've just reviewed the stories of eight guests, nine counting both of the Ortons. But we're not done just yet. I think to really wrap a bow on the package that has been Second-Act Significance, we have another story to tap into just a bit because it occurs to me, it's the perfect closing note for how we persevere when the first act has been painful and or unfulfilling and press ahead to that life of significance, which you Warwick describe as a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. Anybody you know of who's been through a similar situation like that that might have a good story to end this show?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, me. So we talk a lot about crucible moments, but I had a cubicle moment actually.




Gary Schneeberger:

Oh, love it. Great co-hosting again. You're killing me.




Warwick Fairfax:

So most people who've been listening to this podcast for a while know, 150-year-old family business that I grew up in, massive media company that had the newspapers, TV, radio stations, equivalent to the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal. Did the $2.25 billion takeover after Oxford, Harvard Business School, Wall Street. A few years, three years later in 1990 too much debt. Australia got in a recession, company with bankrupt.




Warwick Fairfax:

People have heard that story and how I bounced back. What people haven't heard so much is I had a cubicle moment where eventually, I live in Maryland and got a job at a local aviation services firm doing financial, strategic planning analysis. I was doing well. I wasn't getting paid a whole lot as I've said before. I felt like I was the lowest paid Harvard Business graduate in history, which not so much about the money, which isn't that important to me a bit about it's hurt my ego.




Warwick Fairfax:

So things were okay. I was doing fine. I was literally in a cubicle, the way a lot of folks, a lot of us are. And I had this moment where I had a, "Is this all there is?" And being a person of faith, I was journaling and I felt like, again, as a person of faith, the Lord telling me, "You are playing small. You are not using all the gifts and talents I've given you for me."




Warwick Fairfax:

And it wasn't like it was beneath me. I was getting great performance reviews and I wasn't depressed or whatever, I just felt like, is this all there is? There's got to be more. And so I quit. I didn't have billions in the bank, but I had some amount that I had some wherewithal to be able to find myself, so to speak. And that led me on a quest to becoming an executive coach, to giving that speech in church, which people have heard me talk about in 2008, which people said, "Gosh, your story really helped me."




Warwick Fairfax:

That led me to writing a book that led to Crucible Leadership and this podcast Beyond the Crucible that all started with that cubicle moment, is this all there is? I'm doing financial and strategic planning analysis, but there's more I'm not using all my gifts for the Lord, for the kingdom, for a higher purpose. It wasn't terrible. But it was like, is this all there is moment. And it was, yes, my cubicle moment.




Gary Schneeberger:

And keeping in line with point four of our discussion here, listen to Churchill, "Never give in. Never, never, never, never." I know for a fact, I don't have to say I assume. I know from knowing you that there were times when roadblocks hit as you were moving toward that life of significance, you were moving toward, there's got to be more than that. Is this all there is? And you pushed through them. How did you do that? What gave you the strength, courage, wherewithal to be able to punch through those stoppages that were thrown in front of you.




Warwick Fairfax:

So as I tried to take baby steps to making my vision a reality, which originally back from 2008 on for next several years, in fact, it took 12 years to get the book published in October last year, October 2021. But some of the-




Gary Schneeberger:

And the book is called what?




Warwick Fairfax:

Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life of Significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

There we go.




Warwick Fairfax:

Some of those early roadblocks was I thought to myself, "Well, I can get this published in Australia." My name at least was pretty big. Fairfax Media is a big deal. Surely I can find somebody interested. And because of the name of Fairfax Media in my name, there were publishers that would talk to me, but some said, "Well, we want more of a salacious tell-all book." And I wasn't going to dis on my family. I'm happy to throw rocks at myself and my own stupidity and mistakes, but not about other people.




Warwick Fairfax:

And then another one said, "Well, this could be good, but if you're in the leadership space, you need to have a following, email following. They didn't say podcast back then, but email, social media following." I was like, "Well, good point. I don't have that." Well, it took years to... I mean, I found a team, but then build up social media email list, and finally was at a point where a major publisher in the US, Morgan James published it. But I could have said, "Oh, well, I guess if Australia is going to say no, what is the chance of the US saying yes, because nobody's heard of me here."




Warwick Fairfax:

So I could have said, "Well, that's it, I'm given up." And why didn't I give up? It's because I felt like if my story can help one other person, it is worth writing. It is worth getting published. And just listening to people after church in 2008 said, "Boy, your story really helped me." It was that vision. It's not about me. It really was a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others.




Warwick Fairfax:

I honestly believe at the core of my gut, at the core of my heart, that my story can help people. So I was not going to give up. I was going to persevere because it's not about me, it's about something bigger than me. It's about helping others. And that's what kept me going to keep taking one more baby step, one more baby step, one more no, one more no, to eventually it became a yes from Morgan James, one of the big US publishers. It was the power of the vision and my passion for seeing how that could help others that kept me persevering, kept me moving through the no's.




Gary Schneeberger:

And would you say to the listener directly, do you believe that where you've landed now, and speaking of landed, getting close to where you have to land a plane, would you say to the listener that you have arrived at a place where you feel as though you are leading a life of Second-Act Significance that it was worth it going through what you went through before and then pushing through those roadblocks? Are you living a life of significance today?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I mean, absolutely. I can identify with Nancy Volpe-Beringer and Robert Miller in the sense that I was sort of more towards my late 40s when that speech in church happened in 2008. I got my book published when I guess doing the math, just over 60. I mean, it's easy to feel like, "Gosh, I wish I could have published a book 20 years ago." But it is worth it and I'm just loving this second act and being able to have this podcast, and my book, and speaking where I feel like I can help people not see their worst day as something that defines him, but indeed have a vision that's beyond them that does lead to a joyful and fulfilling life, a life of significance, focused on others dedicated to a higher purpose.




Warwick Fairfax:

So absolutely. I feel so blessed with my wife. It's funny, as we are recording this, it so happens we have our anniversary's on May 20, which is sort of ironic and we're recording this on May 20.




Gary Schneeberger:

It's my anniversary too on May 20.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly.




Gary Schneeberger:

We're both celebrating wedding anniversaries on the day this is being recorded.




Warwick Fairfax:

So this is a day when I think I can speak for both of this, we feel incredibly blessed by our wives and families, and the work that we do. And both leading lives of significance. I mean, I think we can both say we feel blessed and joyful. I'm just so grateful. I love what I'm doing and I do feel absolutely blessed.




Gary Schneeberger:

That is the sound of the plane's landing gear, touching down and everybody's unbuckling their seat belts before they're supposed to, and we are on the ground. But there's a couple things that I have to say before we bid adieu. One is let's review what we've talked about here, folks, so that here's what we've laid out as sort of the four steps toward moving from first act to second act of significance as unpacked in the guests we've had on this eight-part series Second-Act Significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

Step one, it's never too late or too early to pursue a next act in a life that brings you more significance. Number two, when you set out on a journey to new significance, follow your heart and lean into your talents. Number three, starting small is okay because it's starting. And then number four, and this is good advice in general, I think Warwick would say, listen to Churchill, "Never give in. Never, never, never, never." And I'll add another never. I'll take it one step farther than Churchill. Never give in. Because you're always one baby step away from breakthrough. I think that is true.




Gary Schneeberger:

As we wrap, I'm going to ask you to do a few things, listener. First, ponder these three questions. At the end of the blog on this subject at crucibleleadership.com as you look to chart your own course to Second-Act Significance. So these are three questions that you can ponder as you take what we've talked about here, what you've heard in eight episodes of the series as you move forward to try to latch on to that next act of significance for you.




Gary Schneeberger:

Ask yourself this question. Do you have an "is this all there is?" itch you've been wanting to scratch? What's holding you back? Ponder that. Do you have it? And if you have it and you're not acting on it, what's holding you back from doing so? Number two, what are the skills and passions you have that can serve you if you start on the journey to a life of greater significance? What are the skills and passions you have that can serve you if you start on this journey to a life of Second-Act Significance?




Gary Schneeberger:

And then number three, ponder this, what would significance look like for you if you grab hold of it in that next act in your life? Why would that be more rewarding and fulfilling than what you are doing now? So write those things down. If you missed any of them, because I didn't tell you to get a pen in your hand before I talked or I talked too fast, they're at the end of the blog at crucibleleadership.com where you can find those reflection questions.




Gary Schneeberger:

And then the last thing I'm going to leave you with and I can't encourage you enough to re-listen or to listen for the first time to the eight episodes featuring the guests that we've just spoken about. And listen with one ear on what the guests said that applies to your situation and inspire and equip you to stepping on to the on-ramp that will take you to your life of Second-Act Significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

In other words, absorb their stories because they're interesting, hopeful, emotional, moving stories, but listen with one ear to are there things in their stories that even we didn't talk about here that you could pull out and apply to your own situation as you look to move on to your act of Second-Act Significance?




Gary Schneeberger:

We have wrapped this series up. I'm going to give you a little bit, just a teaser. I'm going to defy all of my public relations training to say, "I should tell you what's coming next." I'm just going to tease you with what's coming next and I'm only going to tease you with this. We have a summer series coming up that we think that you're going to like a lot in a couple weeks you'll know more about it. So it's on its way. We're developing it, like getting it all down. Then we're going to start recording just between me and Warwick. It's going to be good stuff. You're going to like it and I think it's going to give you some excellent, excellent takeaways for how to continue to pursue your life of significance and move beyond your crucibles.




Gary Schneeberger:

And speaking of crucibles, until the next time we're together, please remember that we do know that your crucibles are painful. We've been through them. We know that they're painful, but we also know without question, they are not the end of your story. In fact, they can be the first step, the first bits of writing in the next act of your story, which can be the best act of your story because when you learn the lessons of your crucible and you pursue something that is a life on purpose dedicated to serving others, as you pursue that, where you end up, where that journey takes you, brand new story, best story of your life, because its end place is a life of significance.