When you find yourself with a match in your hand, contemplating burning the ship you’re in to climb aboard another that will take you in a different direction, having the opportunity to make an impact is about the best destination you can chart a course for. And that’s exactly what Mike Beckham did.

This week, in the final interview in our special winter series BURN THE SHIPS, Warwick talks with Beckham about transitioning from rewarding work at a nonprofit ministry to the world of business – first as a member of his brother’s team at an e-commerce startup and then as a founder and the CEO of Simple Modern, one of the nation’s most successful sellers of water bottles and tumblers. But the brand’s motto – We Exist To Give Generously – is as critical to its mission as its bottom line. The company has donated more than $2 million to more than 1,100 nonprofits since being established in 2015.

“I call myself a nonprofit refugee in a for-profit world,” Beckham says… and that’s how he has found the impact he was searching for when he set his ships on fire.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible.




Mike Beckham:

I was not going to be able to maintain really doing two full-time things and being the kind of father I wanted to be. So what it did is it brought to a head I needed to make a decision about falling and where did I feel like I could make the most impact. And really what swayed my wife and I was a belief that there was more opportunity for impact in the business world. That the magnitude and the scale of impact that we could potentially make with our lives was larger in the business world than it was in the ministry world. But it was hard work. I loved ministry and I had so many deep and meaningful relationships that the transition was really challenging.




Gary Schneeberger:

Opportunity for impact. When you find yourself with a match in your hand, contemplating burning the ship you're in to climb aboard another that will take you in a different direction, that's about the best destination you can chart a course for and that's exactly what Mike Beckham did.

Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. This week in the final interview in our special winter series, Burn the Ships, Warwick talks with Beckham about transitioning away from rewarding work at a non-profit ministry to the corporate world. First as a member of his brother's team at an e-commerce startup, and then as a founder and the CEO of Simple Modern, one of the nation's most successful sellers of water bottles and tumblers. But the brand's motto, we exist to give generously, is as critical to its mission as its bottom line. The company has donated more than $2 million to more than 1100 non-profits since being established in 2015. "I call myself a non-profit refugee in a for-profit world," Beckham says, and that's how he's found the impact he was searching for when he set his ships on fire.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Mike, thanks so much for being here. Really looking forward to our conversation and just your journey, which is an unusual one, which listeners will understand here in a moment. Love what you do at Simple Modern. Just the whole ethos of generosity and relationships are as important as the product itself, and that's not normal in the corporate world. So we'll definitely get into that.

But I understand you grew up in Oklahoma. So tell us a little bit about your life growing up, and I'm guessing there might have been some signs growing up of your entrepreneurial spirit - that typically doesn't come out of nowhere. So just talk about what was life like for young Mike Beckham in Oklahoma?




Mike Beckham:

Well, thanks for having me on the show, Warwick. When I think about my childhood, I think that one of the things that stands out that's unique is both of my parents worked in the mental health profession. My mother was a social worker, my father was a psychologist. And really what I learned from that was the reason why they did their jobs is that they really deeply cared about helping people and making a positive impact.

I think I took away from my childhood part of doing life well is you're investing your life and making a positive impact in the lives of others. And as a kid, I remember them deliberately saying to me, "We did not pick the careers where we could make the most money. We picked the careers we felt like we could make the most difference." And for me; I'll talk more about this later; I tend to view success and my life being purposeful through the lens of achieving, which is not always the right way to view it, but I tend to view it that way.

And I think what happened as a child was my view of what ultimate success was, was defined as it is making a positive, tangible impact in the lives of other people. That's probably one of the great gifts that I got from my parents that, whether I've been in the non-profit world or the for-profit world, has really transcended and has been a North Star.

I did really well in school. I standardized tested really well. And so there was some thought that, hey, there might be some opportunity to do something academically. But honestly, my brother was probably the one that you would've said he's the entrepreneur. He was the one who started the businesses as a teenager and things like that. And so for me, entrepreneurship and the idea of running a business, I've been slower to come around to the idea.

It's funny because in Oklahoma, especially where I lived, a lot of people at this point would probably view me as the stereotypical example of the entrepreneur that you want to hold up. I don't think I even really viewed myself as an entrepreneur until my mid-30s. So that came later for me but I think what came first is having a lot of vision and a lot of ambition about, hey, how do I use my life to make a real impact in the lives of other people? And that's looked a lot of different ways over the course of my career.




Warwick Fairfax:

That is such a gift that you were given by your parents of just life is about impact and service and contribution. That's defining success. That is overwhelmingly powerful. You look back on that and say, "Boy, that's about as big a gift as I could have been given."




Mike Beckham:

Absolutely. And one of the things that is a huge value for me that there's often a gap between where I want to be and where I am is humility. But the way that I think about humility is just having a sober-minded view of yourself. That you actually see yourself as you are, and not just even in the eyes of other people, but in the context of the world, the universe. And that I really feel like that's one of the things that came from my childhood and the gifts that my parents gave me, is that I'm really able to accurately look at some of the success of experiences as an adult and rightly understand that even though our tendency is to want to point at ourselves for anything that's gone well in our lives and say, "Look at what I did."

I can't do that. I've certainly played a role and I'd like to think that I've worked hard, but the reality is I have all these advantages that I inherited, that I was born into. I won the genetic lottery, so to speak, by being born in this country, at this time, to this set of parents. So there is a sense of humility and also responsibility that comes with that.




Warwick Fairfax:

Mike, you would not consider yourself a better human just because you've had a successful business than you were before.




Mike Beckham:

No, not at all.




Warwick Fairfax:

You are the same person, you have good days and bad days. Does that make sense? Because I want listeners to understand just because you're successful doesn't mean that you're a better person per se.




Mike Beckham:

I think, Warwick, it's a great point. One of the ways that I would unpack it is part of to be human is to have a deep, almost heart-level desire to feel like you have value and to feel good about yourself. And unfortunately, the most destructive way that that expresses itself is that we want to compare. We want to ourselves to others and we're constantly looking for, hey, how do I stack up to other people? And really with the hopes that we feel like, hey, I stack up better.

And it's a terrible treadmill to be on because you're either basically engaged in some kind of form of pride or self-righteousness where you're looking at other people and comparing yourself and saying, "Hey, I feel better, or I feel like I've accomplished more than that person." Or you get stuck on the other side where you feel like, "I'm not worthy, that person's better than me," or whatever.

And I think health is really where we get out of comparing ourselves to other people and trying to find value and worth there. Once we abandon that pursuit, it opens up the possibility to find self-worth and identity in a different place, in a healthier place. And for me, that's probably the story of my adult life is abandoning trying to find my identity and my worth in my resume or how others perceived me and through comparison, and trying to find identity, worth, fulfillment through a comparison with myself of who can I be? What is it possible for me to strive towards with my life? And that that's the standard I really want to press against.

And I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be all that I possibly can be. And it's just been a much healthier place for me. So it's funny because I've been in out of college for 20 years. I worked for 10 years in the non-profit world, and now I've worked for 10 years in the for-profit world. And I can tell you that definitely the way that I'm situated in the world right now is the type of situation that the world claps for. That I'm the CEO of a company and it's fairly high profile. And so people want me to speak at things and I'm in the kind of position that the world claps for.

Well, 10 years ago I was in a ministry position that was the opposite to most of my friends. It seemed kind of weird. And yet I'm not a really radically different person over those last 10 years. But the way that people have responded to me is certainly different. And so it's another one of those examples where it's like, if I'm finding my worth or I'm finding my identity primarily through how other people view me and how I stack up, that's always going to be a treadmill and it's not even going to give me an accurate view of myself. And so instead it's I want to focus on am I running the race for me? Am I doing the most that I can to use my abilities and my gifts to make a positive impact on the people around me, the world around me? And if so, then however I'm situated, I feel comfortable with that.

Honestly, I call myself a non-profit refugee in the for-profit world sometimes because my heart in a lot of ways is to be that non-profit person. And so it's always a little bit comical how people respond to me now and how differently people respond to me now that I'm a CEO compared to somebody in ministry. But being on both sides has certainly been a formative experience and has really shaped a lot of my perspectives.




Warwick Fairfax:

So l let's go back a bit and cover some of the things you just said. So you're coming out of your upbringing. Were your parents, people of faith, I'm assuming?




Mike Beckham:

Yes.




Warwick Fairfax:

So given that kind of-




Mike Beckham:

Ironically, one thing-




Warwick Fairfax:

Go ahead.




Mike Beckham:

I'll interject here.




Warwick Fairfax:

Sure. Yeah.




Mike Beckham:

Ironically, my parents were people of faith, but I don't think faith really became a part of my life until college and it wasn't really anything they did. I think what it really highlights is faith is a personal thing that even if your parents take you to church or are talking to you about, it's a personal thing that each of us have to work out for ourselves. And so for me, that did not happen until about halfway through college. That was the big turning point faith-wise in my life.




Warwick Fairfax:

So you ended up working for a large, well-known faith-based non-profit, Cru. In fact, the lead pastor of our church back in the '80s worked for Cru in Poland and headed up their ministry and part of story. But in one sense, that's an understandable shift. You come to faith and, "Hey, let me go work for a faith-based non-profit or a church," and not at all denigrating that. I think that's great, but how did that evolve?




Mike Beckham:

So it's rather shocking, actually. I think the process was, in retrospect, there's things that happened in your life that you look back on and you just laugh. Like how did that unfold that way? Even now that I know, how did it go that way? So I was a finance major and finance, it just came easier than anything I'd ever done. It was like a language that I already knew that somebody just reintroduced me to. Got engaged in college. I got married the weekend after I graduated. My wife had one more year. She was getting a master's in accounting. She had interned at very prestigious accounting firms. I had had some very good business internships and I really felt like, okay, the plan here is for us to go and work in the marketplace and hopefully one of the ways we're making an impact is by being good business people and by giving generously.

But because she had one more year of school right after we got married, I knew I was going to still be around Norman, where the University of Oklahoma is. And so as I was looking at job opportunities, it just wasn't clear what the best fit was. And an opportunity arose for me to do one year in college, full-time college ministry. And I thought I was maybe going to go get a PhD or I was going to go into the business world. And I didn't do either of those things. I signed up for the one year, but I fully expected it to be one year.

I raised my salary. It was $18,000 a year. I struggled to raise the $18,000 a year. On every level, it did not make sense on paper why I was doing this and yet when I started to really pour into lives of college students, to my surprise it was making a difference and I loved it. And so one year turned into two, which turned into 10. My wife worked in the business world for a while and then she came on full-time and we spent most of our 20s engaged in full-time ministry with college students, which I never would've predicted as a 21 or 22 year old and yet it's one of the absolute favorite parts of my story.




Warwick Fairfax:

So you're working at Cru in college ministry. I think you're doing very well. You're in a senior leadership role. You're doing that for 10 years. But there was a pivot, there was a shift.




Mike Beckham:

Yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

What happened and why? Because it's like I'm making a difference in the lives of students. What could be better than that? That's a noble holy calling, if you will. Maybe you don't get much respect in the business world, but in the faith world, they're thinking, "This is great." There's a circle of people who think, "Mike, way to go. Keep going." But yet there was a shift.




Mike Beckham:

So when I got to 30, I was leading the ministry at the University of Oklahoma. We were seeing some really cool things happen. The ministry was probably growing 50% a year for several years in a row. So it had gotten to some pretty critical mass. I looked at my life as a 30-year-old and some of the dreams that I had had as a 21 or 22 year old seemed like they needed to be let go of. I'm probably not going to work in the business world. I'm probably never going to teach. But I felt comfortable in my own skin. I felt like what I'm doing is meaningful and I'm making an impact in people's lives and so I'm okay with letting some of these dreams go.

Now what's ironic is right around the point where I was really processing through letting go of a bunch of this stuff, the narrative was about to change. I have a younger brother who's two-and-a-half years younger than me, and he had gotten involved in the business world, had started a company of his own. He had done pretty well, but it was really like a one-person marketing company and he wanted to start a bigger company. He approached me with an idea and said, "Would you help me to start this?" And I thought, "This'll be a great side project." I can put five, seven hours a week towards this. It'll scratch the itch that I have for numbers and things.

And so I said, sure. I helped him recruit several other people to start the company, but the expectation was always Mike's just going to help out on the side. So that company started in October of 2009. By November of 2010, that company was having million dollar revenue days. And I was the oldest person even associated with the company. I'm not full-time. I'm not taking any salary. It's taking up a lot of my time, but I'm not like a full-time employee. I'm still leading this ministry and I'm the oldest person at the company at 31.

So it was really a great example of just the craziness that's possible. How quickly things can scale in an internet age. And then we got pregnant with our first, my son Carter, who's right over my shoulder here in the picture. And I just realized I'm not going to ... I was probably working 80 hours a week and it was untenable. I was not going to be able to maintain really doing two full-time things and be the kind of father I wanted to be. So what it did is it brought to a head I needed to make a decision about falling and where did I feel like I could make the most impact?

And really what swayed my wife and I was a belief that there was more opportunity for impact in the business world. That the magnitude and the scale of impact that we could potentially make with our lives was larger in the business world than it was in the ministry world. But it was hard work. I loved ministry and I had so many deep and meaningful relationships, that the transition was really challenging to make. So this would've been around 2011, 2012. I transitioned to working full-time in the business world and that's where I've been for about the past 10 years. And I definitely think I underestimated the amount of challenge that I would feel making that transition.




Gary Schneeberger:

Would you describe that then as you burn the ships moment? Had you set at least a few sails on fire or did you burn the ... Because going from ministry to business, that's a pretty big shift. Seems to me like that would qualify as a burn the ships opportunity.




Mike Beckham:

Yeah, I think there's two in my professional life and I think that's the first of the two because I really went from somewhere where I had developed expertise and where I knew that I was making a difference and I was transitioning to somewhere where I did not have as deep of expertise and where it was less clear exactly what the path was to making the kind of impact that I wanted to make. But the belief was it would be worth it because the potential magnitude of impact would be greater.

But there was no certainty in that for sure. And to be honest, even in my marriage, I think my wife would describe that as the most challenging period for us as a married couple. We've had a very happy and harmonious marriage, but that was a challenging period because we were going through all the things that come with being parents for the first time, which anybody who's done that knows that's challenging. And then we were stacking on top of that a career change and I was working with family, which there's challenging dynamics about that. So all those things stacked together to create, I think, one of the more challenging periods that really required a lot of communication and a lot of processing from us. So yeah, I would say so. It was not certain that the transition to the business world would go well or that it would be a permanent thing.




Warwick Fairfax:

Before we get to Simple Modern, it seems like that first business in 2009 was going great, but then in 2011 emboldened by the success you got in another business, that didn't work out so well. So there was a speed bump, if you will, probably more than a speed bump before you got to Simple Modern. Talk about that speed bump, if you will, that you hit.




Mike Beckham:

Yeah, so the business that we started in 2009, like I said, when I first agreed to be a part of it, I thought this will be a fun thing that I put a few hours a week in and then it turned into a much bigger animal than I expected. But I didn't leave the ministry world to go into the business world to run that business. I wasn't passionate about running that business. It was a part of my job, but what I really got passionate about was we had another e-commerce concept that involved the gamification of purchasing and buying online that I thought was really compelling.

And that was what lured me into the business world is the idea of we're going to build this new company and it has tremendous potential. When I look back on that period of my life, what I realize is that I really had had a very small amount of adversity up until that point. That pretty much everything I had worked on or put concentrated effort towards had gone pretty well. And this was the first time where I put a 100% of what I had into something and we poured millions of dollars. Who knows how many thousands of hours. And then we launched it and it just flat out did not work.

It was really, for me, a defining moment in my life where I had to emotionally process through I have made this transition, this burn the ships moment, of going into the business world and now we have launched this business and put a lot of resources and a lot of our passion into it and it just flat out hasn't worked. What do I do with that? I think there were a couple of different dimensions I had to wrestle with. The first was, I mentioned this early on, I think the fundamental problem that my personality has is I view the world as I am valuable and I'm lovable if I achieve. And that is a destructive thought process.

It's like I had learned how to root that thought process out in other parts of my life, but I think in the business world, because of the change of context, I found a whole new vector where I really hadn't rooted that out at all. And so when you take somebody who thinks, "My self-worth comes from succeeding in achieving," and then you run them into failure, then there's all kinds of insecurity and problems that bubble up from that. So I had to relearn a concept in a new area of my life that I had been learning over and over again, which was my value and my worth cannot come for my achievement. It just can't. And I would like to say I learned it quickly. I think I learned it over a series of months and years even during that period. And I'd like to say I could have learned it proactively, but I don't know that I could have. I think I had to really experience the cold, hard, bitter taste of defeat and failure to really face up to this part of managing myself and having the right internal mindset.

The other thing I had to really wrestle with, Warwick, is I had this narrative of ... We talk about the narrative of your life. I had this narrative of, okay, things I've been involved with have gone well and they've grown and now I'm going to go into the business world and I'm going to start this thing and it's going to be great. And then who knows what happens after that? And then it's like, okay, the narrative totally is broken. That is not what happened. And so it's like, okay, well was I wrong? Was I wrong about that this was the right next move for my career? Was I wrong that I thought I heard some kind of calling towards this. What does this mean about the longer term view I have of what I'm trying to accomplish in my life, going to accomplish with my life?

And I would say my spouse, my wife, Heather, was profoundly helpful here. One of the things she said; and I give this advice to everyone; and I'll tell it through the lens of faith, but I think this can work even through a non-faith lens. She said, "Just because this didn't succeed doesn't mean that God didn't call you to it." And I think I had a thought process which was the right next step or what I'm called to inevitably is going to lead to success. And that's not always true in life. That sometimes the right next step and sometimes the thing we get called to doesn't go the way we want it to, doesn't go successfully because of the learning and the possibilities that it opens up through failure, through adversity, through difficulty.

And I think that that's what happened with me in a nutshell is I think that I really had to fail to really start the rest of my life and it transformed me as a person.




Warwick Fairfax:

What you just have been saying, Mike, is so profound. One of the things you sent us in advance is this statement. It really is worth dwelling on. You said, "For the first time something that I'd put all my heart and effort into failed and I put a lot of my identity in the failed outcome of that venture." "Sometimes," and I certainly can relate to this, "failure can be a gift because it roots out identity issues." And obviously I hear where you're coming from. You're somebody that always did well in school. It's like success, I don't want to say it came easy, but to a certain degree and you did so well. And you can think to yourself if you are really bright and you work hard, anything's possible. Other people may fail.




Mike Beckham:

It's like it's manifest destiny. It's just like, hey, inevitably, if I try and I work hard and I really believe then this has to go well. And you know what? Sometimes life just doesn't work that way. We all have to learn it and in our own timing, I guess.




Warwick Fairfax:

So I think failure can be a real gift. I guess part of that I think you've talked about is one lesson was identity. You've talked a bit about that, but one of the other things you said here which I found eerily unfortunately able to understand and relate to. You talked about how persistence can be toxic and toxic persistence is pressing on when quitting would be wise. That quitting saves us from devoting our resources to efforts that are destined to fail. So one lesson with identity. Talk about this whole persistence, because it feels like these lessons set you up for Simple Modern, I would assume, but talk about that.




Mike Beckham:

It is one of my favorite things to talk about, Warwick. If I just said persistence rated on a scale one to 10, 10 being positive, one being negative, it would get very favorable marks. And then I say quitting. Rate it on a one to 10. How you feel, favorable or negative. It's like I'm giving it a two or a one. We just get a favorable impression of one word and a negative impression of the other word.

If you look at the research. The research says tenacity and persistence is the most important trait in entrepreneurs, which is true, but ... And this is the most important but you can hear. Persistence in the wrong context is more destructive than anything else. What would we call it when a woman who's in an abusive relationship persists in that relationship? Well, we would say that's not wise. That's destructive.

What would we say when an addict persists in their addiction in spite of the fact that it chews through all their money and it chews through all their relationships and it creates all this hardship. That's not helpful persistence. And so I wrote a long piece about this where I talked about basically if you think about persistence as having a light side and a dark side or a redemptive side and a destructive side, I think it's really helpful. It is not a universally good thing.

What makes persistence good or bad is what we persist in and why we persist in it. And I think what's easy to hear, especially when you're a younger person, is persistence equals good. If you just keep going, it always turns out okay. All you got to do is keep going. That's just not true. It's just not true. There's some relationships that don't ever get better. Sometimes, there's some startups that, no matter how much time or money you pour into it, it's never going to get to product market fit.

And so what I learned through the process is that a lot of successful people also are persistent people and they developed this mindset that's, by force of will, I can make things ... By just hammering away enough, I can make things go the way that I want them to go. I think the perspective that we want to have and what I learned is that wisdom is understanding where to keep pressing in and where to quit quickly. That quitting quickly is actually one of the best skills you can have in life. It's like if I'm dating, the moment I know I'm not going to marry this person or I'm not interested in a long-term relationship, the quicker I quit, the better for everybody. Because the quicker I can get on to meeting the right person or moving towards what I actually want to pursue.

And so Seth Godin has written about this in a book called The Dip, which I would recommend. But what he basically knows to paraphrase is what really successful people do is they say, "There are a few things which I will doggedly pursue no matter what, and then everything else which I am giving myself the permission to quit very quickly and to quit early on." That you pick very few things, the best things, the most important things that you say, "I will press in and I will keep going," and that everything else you give yourself permission to quit quickly.

An example is my son. He's played both cello and piano in the last year. He doesn't like cello and so it's like, "I want to quit but I want to keep playing piano." And I'm like, "That's great, because the cello is just taking time that you could funnel towards piano." I think within the context of business, what I learned was having your eyes open and really looking at the feedback that you're getting from the market is incredibly helpful in understanding when I need to keep going and when I need to pivot or change direction altogether.

And that what had happened to me is that I wanted something to be true so badly that I just ran forward with my eyes shut. I just did not want to hear any kind of narrative or data that contradicted the narrative that I wanted to be true. And we're all guilty of this where we so badly want something to be true and we want to go after it as hard as we can that we're just not willing to any kind of interpretation or feedback that says, hey, this actually isn't something that you should be continuing to chase.

So as a result, what I think I have found and developed is a real wisdom and discernment about what I'm going to be dogged in my pursuit of, and then a willingness to let other things go because I really only can be excellent at a few things in life. I can really only be truly persistent in a few things in life, and that's okay.




Warwick Fairfax:

I want to shift here to what you do with Simple Modern, but gosh, we could spend a whole podcast on this last topic. My gosh, the idea of toxic persistence and listeners would probably ... I may be able to glean from my story that this is one of the greatest challenges I've faced because I have, think it's accurate to say, extremely high perseverance. I'm one of these people that never quit ever on things. It's just ingrained in my-




Mike Beckham:

Yeah. And your entire life you've viewed that as a positive, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, right. But the-




Mike Beckham:

It's like, "Oh yeah. I'm like the Terminator. I can just keep going." But what if sometimes it flips the other way and it becomes your weakness?




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, yeah, there were moments certainly, and which is too complicated to explain here, in my family business, which was environment takeover. There's no break points. It's just we're going to make it work and ultimately we succeeded in getting control, but it didn't work in terms of being financially viable. But yes, that is something that's eerily familiar, that concept. Almost a haunting concept.

But let's move to Simple Modern because after all that experience, how did that get started? And what I love about Simple Modern, I'd love you to unpack this, this wasn't a typical business startup. You're analytical, I'm analytical, I get that. Let's do a market analysis. What product is needed in the market? What do we have unique, competitive value? All that good and analytical staff that I'm not against at all. But you didn't at all start that way. You did not do the traditional ... So talk about how did it get started? And it wasn't easy. Two full-time jobs. So talk about how it got started and that original vision, which is just so different than 99% of how other businesses get started.




Mike Beckham:

Yeah. So after a few years working with my brother, a couple of gentlemen that worked under me at that company approached me and said, "Hey, would you be willing to just do a side business with us? We love the culture in our department and we would love to work with you." And I thought this would be great. It'd be great to do something on the side with these two guys. All we knew at the beginning, Warwick, is that we had deep eCommerce skills and we wanted to do a consumer product. We wanted there to be a heavy generosity component to whatever we started and we wanted to really prioritize healthy culture and that was it.

People will ask me about the name and "Oh, the name is brilliant. How'd you come up with it?" You know what? The story is laughably mundane, how we came up with the name. And a year into the company we almost changed it because we didn't even like it and now people will just rave about the name. But it's like, no, there's no great story. They'll ask about the products and it's really like, "Hey, we looked at a lot of products and I got an insulated water bottle for the first time and thought it was great and said, 'yeah, let's try that too.'"

There just wasn't the Isaac Newton, apple falls out of the tree and hits you on the head kind of epiphany where the sky opens up and you know. But we knew principles of if we were going to build something, we knew the type of thing we wanted to build and we knew the fingerprints that it was going to have. Especially for me, really, I was torn between going back into the non-profit world and staying in the for-profit world. And so I knew that if I was going to stay in the for-profit world, it was going to be a certain way.

I think the way that I would describe what Simple Modern turned into is a fusion of the first 15 years of my career, where we took all of the things that I learned being in full-time ministry about healthy teams and about being purpose-driven in what you do. We took all the learnings from running a really big e-commerce company and the principles of a high growth startup, and we put all that together and came up with something that's a little bit of an experiment.

And I would describe Simple Modern as an experiment of what happens if you try to create a for-profit company that prioritizes every stakeholder. We're used to for-profit companies prioritize the shareholder. Everything else is subservient to that. There's a big gap from that to number two on the list. But what if instead you said, "The shareholder matters, the employee matters, the community matters, the customer matters, the partners that you work with, they all matter and we're going to try and create a for-profit company where everyone who interacts with that company's life is enriched in some way as a result. Is that possible?"

And I'm really happy to say that eight years into that experiment, the answer seems to be yes. It's a different type of company. It's not a perfect company, but it is a very purpose-driven company and our mission statement is we exist to give generously, for example. Well, that's pretty atypical for a for-profit company. So we've built something that's pretty different, but I think it stays true to all the things we've talked about up until this point.

I was really passionate about my life making as big a positive and redemptive impact in the world and the lives of others as I possibly could. We now get to serve tens of millions of customers and we get to give away millions of dollars to non-profits. And then we have all of the people that we employ and the people that we work with and the way that we're able to impact their life. And I feel like the company has provided the best vehicle I could have ever dreamed for being able to pursue that vision for my life.




Warwick Fairfax:

What I love about what you do with this company is, it's funny, I don't know how the business will ever do a case on this company, but they should because it'd blow their minds a bit because it's not the typical company. And I think even forget the faith paradigm. There is a paradigm for success here in how you did it and it's not why you did it, but from a spiritual paradigm, you do things the right way from a maybe heavenly perspective, I believe. I'm not a prosperity gospel person, but all things being equal it increases your chance of success, if I can thread that spiritual needle.

But what I love about some of the ethos; and there's a great video on your website that really talks about the founding and the story; your concept of developing deep, meaningful relationships, authentic relationships, inspiring community, giving generously, the fact that you work to be more than just paycheck. This idea that you give away 10% of your profits to a number of areas such as education, water supply, ending human trafficking, community outreach.

And one of the things you also say is a percentage of every employee's pay can be given by them to just different donations that they feel led to. I mean, who does that? It's one thing to give 10%, which is unbelievable. To give employees a chance of ... It seems like that's the core of the company. It's not so much that you make water bottles as wonderful as they are. It's the ethos and the principles and the values. That talk about that because that is not normal. What's the key to the success of Simple Modern? Who are we? You wouldn't say, "Simple Modern, we're about making really fun and cool water bottles."

My guess is that's not what you would say is, "That's who we are," right?




Mike Beckham:

No, I would say that we're a company that's about generosity and relationships and excellence and making a redemptive impact and we just so happen to sell water bottles and tumblers and backpacks. And that in a way, the things we sell fund the organization and that I think, if and when they write stories about the organization, if there are those case studies ... Some people have approached me like, "We should do an HBS case study about this organization." That if and when those get written, I think that the dominant theme is going to be that we set out to build a particular type of organization and that is really the secret sauce. And that the what you do does not matter nearly as much as why you do it and the type of organization that exists.

The entire book, Built to Last, is really built on this concept that the organizations that are really enduring and make an impact over decades and over centuries are the ones typically where the actual organization is the main point. That money and making money is not the central focus. It is a focus, but it's not the central focus. The central focus is on the building of the organization and having some kind of a transcendent thing that you're pointing towards.

And I think that I'm very specific to tell people our people are excellent at their jobs. I work with people that are very professional, very gifted, work very hard. And so you do have to go out and execute and do your job well. Just having a heart of gold is not enough to win in the marketplace. But when you get excellent people who want to do their job well and you give them a compelling vision and a healthy environment to grow in, you get exceptional results. There's a great quote that if you want your men to build ships, you don't talk to them about going to the forest and chopping down trees. You talk to them about the sea and that that's really what compels people.

What compels people is when you're able to ... I mean, everyone wants their life to have a story that matters and they are just searching for people that will help give them that context and that vision of how can I pour myself into a bigger story of something that matters? And I think that that's what we've been able to do with the company is we've been able to say, "Hey, it's just one company. We don't have any illusions that the entire world is going to be transformed by us, but we can make a significant impact and we can offer you an opportunity to invest the best working years of your life into making a real impact and something you really believe in and to be a part of a story that matters." And that's an incredibly compelling message to really gifted, really talented people.

So we've been able to have both. I think that if you came and you walked around our office, I think you would remark on a couple things. I think you'd say the culture seems exceptional, the amount of connectedness among people is really abnormal. And I think you would say, "Wow, the combination of capacity and aptitude with character here blows me away." That, "This is some of the best people I've ever met, but they're also really good at their jobs." And so we've been able to attract some of the brightest people I've ever interacted with because they're so compelled to use their giftings towards something bigger than themselves.




Gary Schneeberger:

I love the fact that you started that last anecdote talking about building ships because we're talking in a series about burning ships and you've indicated that, even though you didn't say it explicitly, starting Simple Modern, that was the second of your two burn the ships moments.

And it's interesting, you're the last guest, the final guest that we have in this series and you said something that I think is a great framework, great goalposts to aim for when people are approaching burn the ships moments as we're ending this Burn the Ship series. And you said this. We asked you what advice do you have for people who are considering burning their ships? And you say, "For those who consider their own burn the ships moment, I would advise them to reflect and ask themselves a couple of questions. First, 'Does this decision line up with my mission in life?' And second, 'Have you done enough research and experimenting to know that this is a wise risk?'" Why are those such critical questions?




Mike Beckham:

Yeah. Well, when you talk about burning the ships, what you're really saying is, "I'm about to make a decision that I can't just roll back." A good example with Simple Modern was when I made the decision to start this company, I said, "I'm going to tap every relationship I have. All of the very best people I know. I'm going to recruit them to this. I'm going to have a lot of relational risk. If this goes poorly, a lot of my closest relationships are going to be impacted. And there's probably no next time. It's going to be really difficult to ever get the kind of force and the kind of gathering of talent that I'm trying to do right now. I'm putting it all into this shot." So it felt like this is the attempt.

And so the first thing that I said, "Does this line up with your life mission?" If you're going to make a commitment that large, that cannot be rolled back, where you're investing a lot of your time, your relationships, your resources, that make sure that if it works, it was worth taking in the first place. I will see people take jobs, I'll see them pursue opportunities without thinking through. Let's say it succeeds. Are you closer? Are you fulfilling what you feel like you want your life to be about? Play it out all the way.

And so for me, it felt like if this is successful in the vision that I have in my head, then yes, I'm going to be able to impact more people than ever before and cast vision to a lot of people of you can build an organization differently. It can look different, especially in a for-profit company. And that seemed to really line up. This is an opportunity for me to make more redemptive and positive impact than any other way if it works.

The second piece goes back to this idea of persistence. You're going to burn the ships. You should have good analytical, data-backed reasons why you think this is not just a Hail Mary, but this is a wise investment because this is probably going to be the biggest investment you make in your life or one of the biggest investments you make in your life whether it's time or money or passion or effort or relationships or whatever else. So it's really important that you have found some ways to test and validate your hypothesis that this makes sense.

They would call it burning the ships, because if you wanted to go and conquer a place, the easiest way to do it was you put your army on ships, you go across the water to this territory you want to conquer, and then with all the army there, you burn the ships. And what you're saying to the army is there's only one way, and that is going through our objective, because we're not sailing back home. That's not an option that's on the table anymore.

And so you would never do that if you didn't know. If you took a bunch of ships to a strange land, you had no idea what was there, you would never burn the ships. That would be a terrible idea. You would have reconnaissance of like, "Okay, I want to know the lay of the land. I want to know where we're attacking. I want to know where we think we're going to settle. I want to know what the plan is and have reasons to believe that there's a better future on the other side."

And that's probably the combination. It's being able to marry mission and vision for your life with the tactical skills of experimentation and looking at feedback and making wise choices. When you're able to do those two things together, that's when you get the best. To the outside world, they look like Hail Marys, but they're much less risky than they appear because of the work you've done on the front end to validate that it's still a risk, but it's a wise risk.




Gary Schneeberger:

I'm going to shut up right after I ask this question or say this thing so Warwick can ask the final question because I know we're getting toward the end of our time together, but I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you, Mike, how people can find out more about you and about Simple Modern online. Where can they go?




Mike Beckham:

Sure. For us, the easiest way to learn about the company and to look at our products is to go to simplemodern.com. For me personally, I'm pretty active on Twitter. It's @mikebeckhamsm. And also on LinkedIn. You can find me on both those platforms. And really, this is a great preview of the kind of things I talk about.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, take us home as we end Burn the Ships, our series.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Mike, thank you so much. What you've been saying about how you evaluate whether you're going to burn the ships and shift, that's one of the most profound, simple but in-depth paradigms I think I've ever heard. Just focus on does this opportunity fit with my mission and vision in life? Yes. We're both analytical, so I get that. Do the analysis. Does it make sense? I would say, and I think we both agree, part of that doing that analysis is if this opportunity has nothing that correlates with your gifts and abilities or experience, probably not the wisest investment. Know that sounds simple, but we can get so hung up on it, but it's a great opportunity. Who cares if I don't have the skills an aptitude for the opportunity? It's irrelevant how good an opportunity ...

I know that sounds blindingly simple, but it's amazing how often we can avoid the blindingly simple. We talk about in another context. I had my own cubicle moment after the whole takeover period a decade or so later. There might be somebody sitting in their office, sitting in their cubicle saying, "Yeah, I'm getting good performance reviews and life's okay," but they're going through a "Is this all there is? Is this all there is to life? I'm doing okay, but I don't know. What could be next?"

And I guess you've answered it in so many ways, but what would be a word of wisdom or word of hope for somebody that's sitting in their cubicle or office saying, "Is this all there is?" What would a word of hope be for that person?




Mike Beckham:

What I would say, it's easy when you feel that to think, "I need to do something dramatic with my career. I need to really structurally shake things up." And sometimes that is the case. But I think what you really need to do more than anything else is become more radical in your thinking about what's possible with your life. The reality is all of us can aim for a higher vision for our life and be more radical in pursuing that. That might be in our career, but that could easily be in the way that we're involved in our church or the type of parent that we are or the way that we give resources or the way that we decide we're going to mentor other people or any number of other things that I really encourage people to dream.

I think we get the idea of dreaming and thinking big gradually ground out of us by the world. And part of the message that sometimes we hear, especially if you hear a story like mine is dreaming big is you got to go start a big company, or you got to quit the job and start the new thing. And yes, for some people that's the case, but here's the reality. Every single person, no matter where they are as they're listening to this, there's a way that they could dream bigger in an area of their life and make a bigger impact.

And that's really the question is just what is that one area of your life right now where you could be a little bit more radical, where you could dream a little bit bigger and you could make more impact? And as you develop that muscle, it becomes easier to believe that greatness is possible and that transformation is possible. And these are the people that change the world. Not everything, but they make an impact in the lives of others and other people, when they come into contact with them, they are changed.

And so you might be in an accounting job and say, "It's pretty mundane," and that can be great. Outside of your accounting job, you can be a superhero in mentoring local elementary kids, for example, and be setting an example with that or any number of other things. Or maybe it is in your professional career that there's an opportunity to burn the ships and to aim higher.

One of the most simple concepts we talk about within our company - I'll close with this. One of our core values is generosity. I'll use it as an example. My message to each of our team members is you can be a leader in each of our core values within our company. So it's easy if you hear something like generosity and say, "Well, I can't be as generous as Mike." Well, you can't probably be as financially generous as I can be, but you can be generous in so many different ways that every single person in our company can be a foremost leader in generosity. It just looks different.

Some people, it's with their words and some people, it's with their time, and some people, it's with their service and some people, it's with their coaching and teaching other skills. But every single person in our company can be a leader of generosity. It'd be the same challenge here that it is possible for everyone listening to this podcast to be a leader in making a tangible positive impact on the world or setting their sights higher. What it looks like for each of us is different. It depends on how we're situated, how we're gifted, and a lot of other things. But one of the things that people hear from me is belief. Belief that it is possible for them to make a bigger impact with their life.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communication business long enough, listener, to know when the last word has been spoken, not just on a subject, but in this series that I have co-hosted with Warwick over eight episodes, and Mike Beckham has just spoken it.

If you've enjoyed our series, Burn the Ships, Warwick and I ask you to come back next week where we're going to wrap up everything that we've learned over these last eight weeks. You won't want to miss it. And remember, if your ship begins to drift off course, if your mission begins to bump up and down in the waters, remember this: you can indeed strike a match and burn the ships. We will see you next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond the Crucible. Visit our website, beyondthecrucible.com, to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough. A great place to start: our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward.

See you next week.

This week, Warwick speaks to Dan Wolgemuth, whose burn the ships moment looks a little different on his resume than it does in his heart. After nearly three decades of working in the corporate world, he followed his faith into becoming president of a nonprofit Christian ministry. But he’d have never gotten there if the flames didn’t first get lit within.

He had to stop pursuing a career script written by and starring him and follow a new one written to focus not on what he could accomplish, but on whom he could accomplish it for.

“I burned a ship in my own soul,” he tells us … and in doing so made a forever difference in the lives of troubled youth.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible, I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond The Crucible.




Dan Wolgemuth:

It's a bit of a different time to burn your ship, because you're not leaving one thing to go to another. What you're doing is you're saying, "I'm on this ship, and all of a sudden I have a different perspective." And it not only helped in my consideration of going to Youth for Christ, I think it made me a better leader at HNTB. Because I immediately realized that what matters most, even in a company that's owned by its employees is how we treat each other, how we value each other.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now, there's an entirely fresh perspective on what it means to burn the ships as we enter the final episodes of our series about that very subject.

Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. This week Warwick speaks to Dan Wolgemuth, who's burn the ships moment looks a little different on his resume than it does in his heart. After nearly three decades of working in the corporate world, he followed his faith into becoming president of a nonprofit Christian ministry, but he'd have never gotten there if the flames didn't first get lit in his heart.

He had to stop pursuing a career script written by and starring him, and follow a new one written to focus not on what he could accomplish, but on whom he could accomplish it for.

"I burned a ship in my own soul," he tells us. And in doing so, he made a forever difference in the lives of troubled youth.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well Dan, thanks so much for being here. It's a real honor to have you. Before we get started, just to let listeners know, Dan and I know each other from our association with Taylor University.

Dan is a graduate of Taylor, it's a wonderful Christ-centered university in Indiana. He's also on the board of trustees. I have had three kids go through and graduate from Taylor, and we've got to know each other at some Taylor events.

So wonderful to have you here, and we'll get to what you've done in Youth for Christ and now mentoring, but I'd like to just start with some of the backstory and some of the threads that maybe looking back have led you to where you've been in business and Youth for Christ.

So just tell us a bit about a young Dan Wolgemuth and growing up, and maybe what some of your family and some hopes and dreams you had as you were growing up.




Dan Wolgemuth:

Thank you, Warwick. Really good to be with you and Gary today. So really excited about the opportunity to just walk through a story that reflects the heart and love and grace and mercy of God. Grew up in Wheaton, Illinois, the youngest of a family of six kids. My parents actually were missionaries in Japan with Youth for Christ. My father had been pastoring a church in Pennsylvania, felt the call through a man by the name of Bob Pierce.

Bob Pierce was the founder of World Vision, speaking of burning ships, founder of World Vision. And at that point he was a part of Youth for Christ. And my parents went to Japan for a couple of years, came back to Wheaton, and my twin sister and I were born at that point.

And so grew up in a very traditional Christian home in the suburbs of Chicago, my dad in ministry. So we didn't want for anything, but we didn't have a lot. And then ultimately, you connected those dots, ended up at Taylor University in the early 70s, graduated, and started a business career.

So I graduated from Taylor with a business and systems degree, thought business and technology was the career path for me. And for 28 years in a variety of different organizations, that was the path. So married a Taylor girl, had three kids. Sort of the classic story in many ways.




Warwick Fairfax:

Now, one thought that occurs to me is you grew up in a family of faith, your dad being a missionary and I think I read somewhere headed up Youth for Christ as president for a number of years. I think I saw 65 to 73, or some such time.




Dan Wolgemuth:

Right, exactly.




Warwick Fairfax:

Oftentimes you grow up as, what do they say, a missionary kid or it's like, well gosh, do I want to be a missionary? Which country? Which agency? Do I want to be a pastor, youth pastor, lead pastor? It's like growing up in a family of lawyers, you can pick corporate law or real estate law.

It's like, well, what part of missions do I want to be in? What part of advancing God's kingdom? But somehow that wasn't the natural path, what it would've been for many given probably incredible example of your dad and parents. So any thoughts about why not instantly into the mission field or some such thing like that rather than corporate?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, it's a really important question, and I thought you might bend that question a different direction. Because I know a lot of folks who grew up in the homes of Christian leaders who went a completely different direction out of a sense of rebellion. That was not my story at all.

My dad was a really solid entrepreneur. It's what actually put us all through college. He owned auto parts stores that he bought while he was not making any income as a pastor, so he had to have a vocational trade. He bought auto parts stores in rural Pennsylvania. And so there was always a business bent to him as well as a passion for ministry, which was Youth for Christ at the time when I was growing up.

So I never felt like I was rejecting them by moving in a business direction. As a matter of fact, in many ways I played out, lived out something that he really enjoyed, not the technology side as much as just the pure business side. So never an act of rebellion and never in a way dismissing the deep roots that I had in faith. But feeling like that was in my early career, that was what I felt very called to.




Warwick Fairfax:

So you went to Taylor, and from what I understand there was a stepping point before you got to GE. I think you worked for a business that was bought out. So just talk about some of those early business years and the GE legacy, and your experience there as you're working your way up the corporate ladder.




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, the first corporate ladder I climbed was a very short one, because I worked for a small insurance company right out of college. Then ultimately ended up in the publishing business with my brother and his partner Mike Hyatt. Moved to Nashville, spent four years there, highly under capitalized. Publishing is not the business for under capitalized organizations, but it was a start of business.

Wolgemuth and Hyatt was the name of that business, and learned multiple lessons. So Mike Hyatt was editorially focused. My brother is sales and marketing, really good in that space, and virtually everything else that didn't fall into those categories I was a part of. So everything from production to accounting, it was an MBA in a crash course, for sure.

Because it was highly under capitalized and we were trying to grow rapidly, I was the one on the phone saying to vendors, "Hey, we're struggling to make payroll, let alone pay you."

And so it was in a sense, my honor and credibility that was being leveraged to tell these folks, "Hey, you have to wait another two weeks." And I'll never forget a phone call from somebody that I had said, "Hey, we'll get you another check in two weeks." And it was two and a half weeks and I hadn't sent another check.

And in my mind I had checked that box two weeks ago, and I was scrambling to the next thing. And it was really a very significant moment for me to say, "Is my word worth anything?"

I've said to these people, "Trust me," in a sense, and they can't. So I think it was a really important moment for me in this small business to embrace the fact that my word mattered. I might use words to throw off somebody or to just buy a little more time, but they were going to the bank with those words.

And I think when I think about a crucible moment for me, that was 1987 to '91, I learned a lot of lessons about my own integrity and what was I willing to do to continue to press forward. I had a business agenda, but real life relationships and people trusting me on the other end of that.




Warwick Fairfax:

And then for listeners, not everybody might know, but Michael Hyatt I think went on to be CEO of Thomas Nelson Books, and he's got very active with a lot of courses and branding, communication. I've followed, certainly participated in some of his programs. He does a phenomenal job, a lot of wisdom there.

So as you look back on that experience, obviously there was a big crucible for your age at the time, it not working out. What were maybe two or the three high points of, I think you've maybe begun to talk about it, but some key lessons you learned from that experience?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Well, certainly again, that my word matters, and that your integrity is something you trade on. Even if you don't have cash or capital, people are trusting you. And I really appreciated the fact that I had to learn that lesson, it wasn't baked into me.

I could in a sense justify almost any behavior, believing that it would ultimately buy us us more time. So I think that was one lesson. The other thing was that because it was a difficult time in my professional career, how I integrated that with a growing family, three small kids, a wife, and I didn't have good balance.

I was overwhelmed with all these aspects of leading the business, running the business, and I didn't find good balance there. And Mary and I have talked about it often. Those four years I poured myself into that business, but didn't necessarily pour myself into my family. And I learned that lesson I think during those really important years.




Warwick Fairfax:

So from there you worked for a company I think that was bought out by GE. So just talk about that period as that and the GE period, that was probably a key part of your life in the corporate world.




Dan Wolgemuth:

It was, I had worked for 16 years inside organization businesses that were predominantly owned by Christians. So values, integrity was important in all of those companies.

1993, I took a skip to a financial services business that was based out of Munich, Germany with a US presence in Kansas City. So immediate bump in compensation and corporate equity. It was a really significant step. Mary and I moved from Indiana to Kansas City at that time.

But within 18 months that business was bought by General Electric who also had a GE capital presence in Kansas City. So the good news was we didn't have to relocate. The bad news was that in a sense I was immediately on trial. GE was at, again, the height of Jack Welch, neutron Jack, we're going to buy the assets. And if the people go, it doesn't really matter. And so I felt immediately the weight of that proving myself and so on within that GE context.

And within a year they had sent us to Folkestone, Kent on the English Channel to lead an IT project that was surrounded by Germans and Frenchmen and Norwegians and Brits and some Americans. And they asked me to lead this effort, again, I think in a sense trying to figure out if I had any leadership moxie or not.

But we spent seven months in England, which was a highlight for Mary and the kids, not quite as much of a highlight for me, but it was really learning in the crucible, in the fire, if you will, what the GE culture was all about. And then at the end of that time, we went back to Kansas City.




Warwick Fairfax:

So how did you find that? So the first crucible had taught you about the importance of work-life balance and your raised values, Christian values, your kingdom perspective was important.

But now you're thrust in corporate America and Jack Welch, where I think I heard somewhere that he had two rules. You got to be what, one to three in market share, and I forget what the other one is. And if you don't hit those two principles, you're out of here or something.

It was very bottom line, and obviously he did a great job. A lot of people praise him for his work. But how did you adjust to that culture given your upbringing and your philosophy and the values of GE?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, it was very difficult. When I came back from that European experience, I was put in charge of a very large systems group, 35 people on my team. And this was the rack and stack era for Jack. So we had to literally rack and stack all 35 of those employees, and you took the bottom 10% and you had to release them immediately. You couldn't have any more than 10% of your employees in the top A bracket.

So because my natural wiring was relational and deeply committed to growing people, giving them opportunity to expand their horizons and perform at the top level, that's not the GE culture. Certainly they want high performers, but they want a culture of competition that squeezes the best juice out of each employee.

And so those years were intense, and I spent a week a month in Europe managing those teams that I had over there, and then coming back to Kansas City. So I learned a tremendous amount in that portion of my life. Some of it, don't ever repeat this, and some of it, yes, very good. And do your best to make sure that you're honoring your employer in the process.




Gary Schneeberger:

I would expect that part of the challenge that you went through, you described earlier how you had to learn to make your words your bond, and live by your values because you were maybe skating a little bit. You get that set right and then you go work for a company where that's not valued and you're doing something else. So you must have felt I would think maybe a little off balance for a few years there. You learn something, then you go apply it at GE, and it's not as valued as it was when you learned it at the other place. Is that a fair assessment?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, I think it is. It's interesting, because there was a part of what I had learned in that previous environment that GE loved. So they had four E's, Jack walked by four E's. Energy, energize, an ability to execute, and then his last E was edge.

And edge they defined as the ability to just be in somebody's face. So I was good with my own energy, I was good at energizing other people. We had a team that executed, but the GE definition of edge I did not have.

So at that moment in time, it was the ability to drop the right four letter words in the right environments, and to press people, to press vendors and so on. That was not my style.

So Gary, you're right, it was a challenge specifically in that one area based on who I was and what I believed it took to manage people.




Warwick Fairfax:

So how were you able to be successful when, getting three out of four E's is not bad, but how did you maintain your integrity and values, but yet hit the corporate performance markers that GE wanted, how'd you satisfy both?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Oh, I'm probably not the right person to ask, Warwick. You probably have to ask the folks that I worked for at the time. I think part of it would be that I motivated a team to high performance. So GE, at the end of the day is results-oriented. So if your team is performing and they're delivering on dates and projects and so on, they're going to leave you alone.

And I was part of a GE capital business, specifically in the insurance marketplace, that was making a lot of money. So there was a sense in which GE took their hands off until hurricanes started to happen and earthquakes in unusual places. And in the late 90s, GE moved in in a big way. And I stayed there for another three years, and then thought, to Gary's point earlier, this is not an environment I can stay in.

So I left GE and went to another corporate role. That role was the CIO of a very large privately held civil engineering firm, 3000 engineers. I shook the hand of the man who hired me and said, "Hey, I'm going to retire with you here." HNTB is the name of that company, great company, downtown Kansas City again. And I just simply slid the script of my life under the pen of God, and thought, He just needs to sign off one more time and I'm all good to go.

Which I believed He was doing every year. I'm not creating any problems, just sign off one more year and I'm good. And so I thought that was what my stretch into HNTB was going to be. That happened in 2002.




Warwick Fairfax:

How long were you at HNTB for?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Just two and a half years, two and a half years.




Warwick Fairfax:

Talk about that, because I know there was a shift, but did something happen while you were there?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Here's what would happened, Warwick, I started on the board of Youth for Christ, USA, in the late 90s. So loved the mission, was familiar with the mission because my father had been involved. Believed in ministry to the kids who were often marginalized and so on.

But again, at a safe distance, a picture on a refrigerator distance. And so I'd go to board meetings three times a year, come back to my career. And I think in that process, God was really working on my heart to say, "How far do you want to go? What is this script for your life that you're writing?"

And it was in 2004 that I went to a board meeting in Denver, which is where the national headquarters of Youth for Christ USA is. And the president resigned, 13 years. There were some challenges certainly in leadership there, but it was an abrupt end. Here's my resignation and I'm gone in two weeks.

And fortunately YFC hired one of the board members to be an interim CEO for nine months. And I said, "Hey, I've got the GE chops, I've been at HNTB two and a half years. I can put together a profile, I can start to help in this process."

And so they let me do that. And I created the profile, took it home, showed it to Mary. Mary had worked for Youth for Christ fresh out of college in their juvenile justice ministry. And so she read that and she said, "This is well done, but there isn't anybody in the world that can do this job. I'm just going to tell you."

And so that seemed like, all right, we'll set the bar high, and then we'll start working on this process. And the next step was, let's start to surface some names within the organization.

And I started getting some of these names, and from a few folks, my name was on the list. And instead of feeling complimented, I wanted to be offended. Because I had a great corporate job. I had two kids at Taylor University. Again, I had the script written, don't interrupt this great script that I have written.

And fortunately my wife was far more patient and prayerful, and she was like, "Are you going to pray about this or not?"

And so I sort of did the perfunctory prayer thing, believing that they'll find somebody else to do this. And time went on, and I'm still in the mix. And I am just wrestling through this. So now we're in the fall of 2004, I've got a solid income, we're putting money away. It's an ESOP, so I've got ownership in the company.

And I came to work on a fall morning. It was still dark. I can still picture my office, I had a beautiful office downtown Kansas City looking over the downtown business airport. And I look out my fourth floor window and there are squad cars outside the office, and police tape. And behind the police tape is a body laying on the curb. And what was clear was this was a young woman, and there's a stark reality to that because she's not living because nobody's paying any attention to her. They're all screwing around working on stuff, nobody's close to her.

And there were a variety of other people on the floor, folks that worked for me. And I could start to both hear and feel the angst in them as they're wondering, was this a coworker that had been murdered on the way into the office? And it took no time at all for word to spread that this was a woman who had been released from prison 24 hours before.

She was a drug addict who raised money for this drug habit by selling her body. And the first day she's out of prison, she does it again. Except this time it goes bad. She gets murdered and dumped on the curb. And what was stunning at that moment was not so much this specific act or tragedy, but the fact that everybody on the floor was relieved, that there was this great sense of relief that this was somebody in a sense, and I say this a apologetically, but that had it coming. This was a drug addict who had it coming.

And I'm standing there, arms crossed, looking out my window, feeling the relief of the people behind me and the burden on my own soul. And it was as if God pulled back the curtain and said, I don't put anybody on a trash heap. This woman was created in my image. And if I decide that you're capable of this leadership role in Youth for Christ, you had better consider it the privilege of a lifetime. Because you're going to wade into the lives of young people who believe that they have no value. And I want you to know there isn't one person I created that has no value, including that woman that died on the curb.

It was as though God himself got me by the lapel, in the days when I used to have to wear a suit and tie to work every day. Got me by the lapel and said, "pay attention. This matters to me. There isn't one living individual that I throw on the scrap heap."

Everyone has value. So that was the moment for me, and it was a moment that I didn't say yes to the job. I basically said, "I will do whatever this board thinks is the right thing for me to do."

And so from that moment on, we were in. Whether YFC knew it or not, and it would take to the next February for them to make that final decision. And it felt like in that instant, the equation shift flipped. It went from me being the answer to God being the answer, and me being without feeling like this is dismissive, but I was a means to his end. And I should be really grateful that he would consider me worthy to be a part of a mission that at that point was 70 years old.




Gary Schneeberger:

And in that experience, at that moment, for listeners who may find themselves facing that, when something becomes so clear to you, how do you not burn your ships? How do you not in that moment, say, "This script that I wrote, this boat that I built, Hey, that's not the boat I'm supposed to be in. This one over here is the boat I'm supposed to be in."

I'm sure you didn't put it in those terms, but that had to be what you were feeling, that the life you had carved out for yourself, the sailing that you were doing was not where you were intended to sail.




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, the interesting thing about that was I wasn't at a decision point, because Youth for Christ hadn't offered me this job. So it's a bit of a different time to burn your ship because you're not leaving one thing to go to another, what you're doing is you're saying, I'm on this ship, and all of a sudden I have a different perspective.

And it not only helped in my consideration of going to Youth for Christ, I think it made me a better leader at HNTB. Because I immediately realized that what matters most, even in a company that's owned by its employees, is how we treat each other, how we value each other. And so when you get into executive leadership, it's easy to start to think, well, if I raise shareholder value, that's the purpose for me to be here. Even as a Christian.

And I think at that moment it was as though the Lord said to me, Hey, I'm not even sure you're qualified to be a part of this process with Youth for Christ, but I want you to be a different person from this point on.

And so the ship I burned was not deciding to move from Kansas City to Denver, the ship I burned was, this is not about me. This is about me doing my very best to elevate kingdom values, whether that's in a fourth floor office in downtown Kansas City or in a small office in Denver, Colorado. That was the ship I burned. And frankly, I'm really glad that happened before Youth for Christ ever offered me the job. Because I feel like my soul was at a different place in February when I said yes.




Warwick Fairfax:

What you've just said, Dan, is so profound. And in some strange way I can relate. As listeners would know, growing up in a large family media business, I did everything I could to make sure I was qualified. Undergrad at Oxford, worked in Wall Street, Harvard Business School. It's like, I know the mission God has for me, I'm dead set certain. And it was all very logical.

I was never trying to hurt anybody or do anything bad. I never thought of myself as arrogant. Humility is one of my highest values. But sometimes when you are so certain you know what God's plan is for you, you can get maybe an arrogant attitude to what their plan is and your role in it.

And I don't know, arrogance can seep in even when you don't realize it. So as I looked at it, when I became a believer in it through an evangelical Anglican church at Oxford, it was obvious to me what God's plan was.

I was 100% certain I knew. The company was founded by as a strong a businessman for Christ as I've ever known. Employees loved him. He was a good dad, husband, elder at his church. Founded all sorts of nonprofits. What an example to emulate. I felt like the company had drifted from the values of the founder, it was being poorly managed as my parents thought. Without going on, my dad died in early '87 as I was processed a graduate, or last few months at Harvard Business School. And things went on from there.

But as I look back, it's like, well, why was I so certain? I was so certain I knew what God's plan was, and then when I felt like I broke God's plan, that was probably the biggest crucible I faced. But looking back on it's like, some ways who God would first use, he would bring down and make humble.

And certainly that was a massive humiliation on me that's made me very wary of saying, oh, I know what God's plan is. Even if it's logical to me, like, I've prepared myself with all the skills, Oxford, Harvard Business School. Others had gone to Oxford, nobody in my family had gone to Harvard Business School. It's like this is all part of some big plan.

I understand finance, et cetera. So I think what you went through, when you feel that sense of humbling. And gosh, maybe I am arrogant, the ability of God to use you at another level was because of what you went through. You would've been probably a significantly less effective leader, and probably God could have used you significantly less without that epiphany.

So I want people to understand how that mindset meant everything to Dan Wolgemuth, and everything for Youth for Christ, if that makes sense.




Dan Wolgemuth:

I would double down on that. I love your story, and it's profound, it's powerful. But I think there are times that you look for a crucible moment or a burn the ships kind of moment. And you feel like it has to be this catastrophic decision of one big job or another big job.

And the fact is that the next morning I went back to the same office, but something had happened. And it was a burn the ship moment. It was this moment where I said, God, I'm yours. I want to do what you want me to do.

Recently I ran into, in the Denver airport, one of the women that worked for me, she was in a significant leadership role for those two and a half years. I was at HNTB two and a half years, and she saw me across a TSA line, came over to me and thanked me for those two and a half years. And I'm convinced that God was doing something in me that made me better while I was there. And again, I'm grateful that he called me into Youth for Christ, because I think what he taught me at that moment was, I'm going to keep you in the classroom from this moment on.

So yes, you're going to move to Denver. Yes, you're going to lead this wonderful mission, but you're going to continue to learn from people around you, including 17 year old kids that understand the love and grace and mercy of Christ in a way that you have never understood it.

So that started, I think, a different trajectory in my own learning process that has continued to serve me in a way that I'm deeply grateful for.




Warwick Fairfax:

Talk about what you found at Youth for Christ, obviously has a tremendous legacy, but there were some challenges you had to face. It was not easy. So just talk about what you found and how you approached those challenges.




Dan Wolgemuth:

The challenge at Youth for Christ was that the model was set up from its founding as what might be most easily understood as a franchise model. So you have a national office, but then you have 150 chapters around the country. They have their own 501(c)(3), so they're their own nonprofits in their own cities. And in a sense, what they're buying from the national office is the brand and some training material.

In 2005, when I started, there was very little influential leadership. People did their own thing in their own community, and then they'd come back and gather for an annual event. And then go back and do their own thing. So the more I pushed in, the more I realized there's no shared national mission that says... Certainly we were about young people, but even that definition, in some parts of the country, they defined young people as three and four year olds. They were working in the foster care system. In other parts, they were working with vocationally challenged 35-year olds.

And so the question was who are we, and are we better off if we really define who we are? And then align ourselves based on a common commitment to this mission? Not that somebody's mission to grade school kids isn't important, but that's not our mission.

So getting clarity around a vision was enormous, and doing it in a way that wasn't corporate. In a nonprofit world, that is the way you diminish somebody. You say, "Oh, Wolgemuth, he's so corporate." And that immediately undermines this idea that we're coming together for a shared promise, a mission, vision. And so that doesn't happen overnight.

I think naively, I thought I'd go to Denver, we'd start to talk about shared values. Everybody's going to salute, we're going to lock arms. And this is going to be wonderful. But it was only wonderful if you didn't bother what I was doing in my own local communities.

And they were doing great things, we just weren't doing it together. So the beauty of that is that when the mission started to coalesce around a shared mission, around shared definitions, around a shared curriculum that says, here's how we can help equip every chapter around the United States. We're going to work with the same kind of kids, we're going to equip in the same sorts of ways. It was powerful, and frankly, it still is.

I'm watching what God can use to do, whether it's working with incarcerated teenagers or pregnant teenagers, or suicidal high schoolers. The vision and mission is powerful, and still folks locking arms and saying, we're in this together. So it was a challenge, and maybe in different ways than I expected, but really powerful to see how folks came together.




Warwick Fairfax:

I can imagine in those early days of thinking, okay, here's this Dan Wolgemuth character. He's come from GE. Some may have known, yeah, the Jack Welch mantra, the bottom 10%'s got to go. And you got to be in the top three in each market's like, is he going to bring GE to Youth for Christ? And which are the 10% that's got to go? And what's it mean to be in the top three in my market anyway? I don't know how that works in the faith-based world. Does that mean I got to beat out Young Life or Campus Crusade or something. Is that what it means? What does that mean?

So I'm sure there were some fears. And just getting people on the same page, even with people of faith, one of the things I've found is people are human everywhere. Even people of faith, they have hopes and dreams and agendas, and we're all human. That doesn't just say, well, that's just corporate and everybody just sings kumbaya in the faith based world. It doesn't work like that.

I've as you know been on two nonprofit boards, and without getting into details, there were instances in which different groups would try to say, well, this is what we think the vision of the organization should be. Well, no offense, but it's not your job to do that. Your job is what does the vision mean to you in your area? That's the right question.

But it's not up to your wordsmithed vision, I can't tell you how often that happens. Like, gosh, this feels like the wrong answer to wordsmith the vision that the board and the president of the organization, you don't get to do that.




Dan Wolgemuth:

Right, exactly.




Warwick Fairfax:

But people try that. You don't have to get into this, but I imagine that might've happened too.

So how did you get people on the same page when, who's this Dan character coming from GE?

And, oh by the way, what makes him king? How did you get people on the same page with a shared vision when they were like, "Yeah, the shared vision's great, so long as it's my vision and you leave me alone. Because I know what I'm doing."

I like working with young people, what's wrong with helping people get back in the work world at mid 30s? What's wrong with that? Is he against helping people like that? I guess he doesn't like helping people. So how did you do all that, get people on the same page?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Well, I was probably a tad naive. You would think after 28 years in corporate life, including eight with Jack Welch, that naive would not be a word that you would use.

But I do think that I was naive in the sense that I believed that it would be an easier shift to have people move away from a picture of autonomy that said, I am in charge of my own city as it relates to Youth for Christ, and I've defined it this way.

And so as long as you, corporate, you Youth for Christ USA, as long as you facilitate this in some way and continue to send me your latest branding information, then we're all good to go. I think what you had to prove was that by coming together with a shared mission and vision that we could reach more lost young people, more kids who are inside the juvenile detention systems. That by doing this together, and doing it in a way that's both scalable and repeatable, there are two good GE words, scalable and repeatable, that by doing that, what we do is we reach more of those 40 million 11 to 19 year olds that need to know they matter.

And that's the number. So we got to the place where we said, our mission was, YFC reaches young people everywhere. And the question was, who gets to define that word, those words, young people? And so we did, we defined it. We said 11 to 19 year olds, and I wish you could have seen people recoil when I said, "If you're working with somebody outside of that, we'll give you three years to start to hand that off. Work with other like-minded partners to hand it off. But the fact is there are 40 million 11 to 19 year olds in the United States that need to know they matter."

So what we began to point out was we have a shared mission that's going to make us more effective at reaching kids in your community by doing this together and doing it in a similar way. And it took a little while.

I had some very hard phone calls, some video calls with local boards that pushed back. But the fact is that by and large, 95% of our chapters got on board. And today they're more effective than ever. We're seeing growth happen because it's repeatable and it's scalable. And it's done with excellence because we're doing it to a prescribed demographic of young people.

And that's really counterintuitive in ministry to define, here's who we're going to minister to. But when you do that, then we can equip them, then we can train, then we can hold folks accountable. It's amazing what happens when folks get on board.

And so I think we're seeing that I'm no longer the President/CEO, so I can say really good things about what's happening there. It's really exciting to see what God's doing there.




Warwick Fairfax:

How did you come up with that vision? That's very specific, 11 to 19 year olds. Where'd that vision come from?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Well, we went all the way back to Billy Graham and Tory Johnson, who were the two founders. Billy Graham was the first full-time employee. And the vision at the beginning was high school teenagers. It was teenagers focused. So we went back there and said that was the presumption at the beginning. We moved in the 60s and 70s into middle schoolers, which still falls inside of that teenager demographic.

Here's a gift God gave me that I would never have asked for, Warwick. You asked about it. We were doing a fundraising event at Torrey Pines in San Diego, and a man came up to me who had just retired from the Navy. He was a retired four-star admiral. And he said to me straight up, I think God's calling me to be a part of Youth for Christ, and I think he's calling me to be a part of your team.

This was a man that worked for Donald Rumsfeld who was the strategist behind the initial push into Afghanistan. His name is Admiral Bruce Klingen. And he was the one who could look at where we were and say, you have questions to answer. I'm not going to tell you what the answer is, but you say young people, what do you mean?

And we wrestled through this. And he did it over and over and over. He worked for us for three years. He was a gift that nobody asked for but changed the trajectory of Youth for Christ because he made us answer questions that often ministries and nonprofits don't answer. They don't answer the question, who am I and why do I exist? What promise am I making that only we can deliver to our communities?

And if you're letting every community define it, you can't make a promise that you can keep.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Just looking at the website, I love the stuff on there that introducing young people to Jesus at pivotal moments. Give life to your story. It's just powerful, powerful words about what Youth of Christ, reaching young people everywhere, as you mentioned. Powerful words, a powerful vision.

One of the lessons for leaders is that if you try to be everything to everyone, you'll be, I don't know, nothing to no one. I think that's the aphorism.

I forget who said that, but it's something like that. So any kind of marketing, branding, and vision, you've got to be very specific and say there are things we're going to do really well, and we're going to say no to a bunch of things. Because that means we can do a defined set of things excellently. So that's impressive.

So you did that, what, 15, 16 years, quite a long time that you were head of Youth of Christ?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, I was. After 15 years, I went to the board and I said, "I think this is time." That was the beginning of 2020. They started a search and then a pandemic happened. And at the end of March, they came to me and said, "We think this is a really bad time to try to find your successor. Will you keep doing this?"

And I thought they were talking weeks or months, I guess we all probably thought that. My board chair said to me, "I want a one year commitment." And I went back to Mary, had one of those really burn the ship secondary moments. And can you burn them again? I think I did.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yes, it's a big ocean. You can burn them as many times as you want.




Dan Wolgemuth:

And here's the reality. So we said yes, and then think of all that went, whether it was some of the racial tension, the George Floyd incidents, and they needed a familiar leader to take them through those 12 months. And I often refer to myself as familiar old pair of slippers that you put on. Wolgemuth will get us through. He'll help us because he's been here 15, now 16 years. So yes, long answer to 16, 16 and a half years before we stepped out.




Warwick Fairfax:

And somewhere along the line you also, I think I read somewhere in 2006, became a board member, one of the board of trustees at Taylor, which given your association with Taylor, you and Mary met at Taylor. So that, you're still on the board of Taylor. And are you still a board member at Youth of Christ?




Dan Wolgemuth:

No, stepped all the way out.




Warwick Fairfax:

Stepped, so talk about, Taylor's obviously something you're still involved with. And from what I understand, you do a lot of mentoring. So just talk about that whole association with Taylor and how that happened.




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, I mean I think it was a logical step. It felt, again, like a natural thing for me to get engaged at Taylor. And I would tell you that even with Taylor, I kept it at arm's length. I would come to the board meetings. I'd do my best to be prepared and actively participate in the discussions that were going on. What has really shifted for me at Taylor is that Taylor makes a promise. It's one thing when you look at a vision or a mission statement and you view it as a collection of sentences that just you put on your glossy brochures.

It's the Murdoch Trust in Vancouver, Washington where I'm doing some coaching that says, no, that's a promise you're making to your constituents. And at Taylor, the promise is we're going to provide the marketplace with servant leaders, whether that's in a local church or at General Electric, or name the company, we're providing servant leaders.

And so I think the language around making promises to communities, to churches, to companies has really been invigorating to me. And I love Taylor, believe that God's doing a good work there. I still am part-time with Youth for Christ because I love this mission, as you can tell.

So I'm doing some coaching there. I'm still raising some resources for Youth for Christ, and I'm still every once in a while looking into the face of a 17 year old who just got out of prison but believes that God has set his or her life on a different trajectory. And there's frankly nothing like that.

And to the extent, Warwick, that I can get that kid to go to Taylor, it's a win win.




Gary Schneeberger:

The fact that you mentioned a kid of that age, a teenager of that age you're still helping, I think is a great place for us to start our descent to land the plane. Because that moment where you had that internal burn the ships moment involved a young woman who was in that age, who, for whatever reason, nobody knows, didn't think that she was valuable. And then you dedicated your life in the pivots that you made to pour into those folks.

So one thing I want to say, and I didn't say it when you guys were talking about it, but both of your stories of that internal realization that the script that you wrote for your life maybe wasn't the script you should follow.

And to keep the metaphor going, you realized you weren't the captain of your own ship. In the last analysis, you both realized that you were not the captains of your own ships, which is another kind of burn the ships moment that happens in our lives.

I would be remiss in my job as the co-host, Dan, if I didn't give you a chance to let folks know who've been listening, how they can learn more about you and what you're up to these days. Is there a place online that they can go to find out?




Dan Wolgemuth:

I would encourage folks, even as Warwick just mentioned Youth for Christ. YFC.net. I would love for you to go there. You're going to see stories. Youth for Christ really anchors itself in the power of story, God's story, my story, their story.

These three rings that became our logo, again, a branding that brought us together. But I also write a weekly blog called Friday Fragments. So you could go to fridayfragments.com and you could sign up for that. It's about a 500 word piece that I do every week that is a journal of my own life. It is a little bit of a devotional, a little bit of a motivation or encouragement piece. It doesn't shy away from public issues and so on. But that's another way for folks to get in touch with me, certainly.




Gary Schneeberger:

And let me, before I turn it back over to Warwick, one of the things that we do with all of our guests on this series, burn the ships and in general, is ask them to fill out a form in advance so we have the ability to ask you some informed questions.

And one of the questions we always put on there, for the series we've put on there, is what advice do you have for people who are facing their own burn the ships moment? And your answer, especially as we're getting to the last couple of episodes of the series, is really instructive. And I'm going to ask you to unpack it after I read it to you.

You said, "burning the ships isn't an invitation to vacate a difficult situation. Burning the ships means following the call of something sacred, going to discover something sacred."

Unpack that a little bit for folks who are listening, both those who are Christians and those who might not be. What does that mean?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Well, I think I'd go back to that October, 2004 moment, where I realized that I burned a ship in my own soul. So I don't think anybody would've said prior to that that I was an arrogant, self-consumed kind of person. What they might have said is he's competitive and he expects a lot of his people and himself.

And in a sense it's trying to win. And it's easy to think at that moment to think that you can win at all costs. And I think the paradigm for me is that that burn the ship moment had to happen first in my own soul. God knew that I had to be willing to say, I'm yours. I'm going to learn from you. I'm going to give myself away in a sense, whether that means I continue to be a senior vice president of technology at HNTB or I become the president of Youth for Christ. That was a natural consequence of me having that internal moment.

So for somebody who is at a really difficult spot, it might feel like, boy, I'm pouring gas on this because I am ready to burn this ship. Because I am tired of this ship. That's not really an adequate description of what we're talking about. What we're talking about is coming to terms with the fact that you were created for a purpose, and that purpose isn't just your own purpose, it's to benefit the broader context. Whether that's your family, your company, your community, your church, whatever that might be, we're not meant to be autonomous beings all about ourselves.

And I think that burn the ship moment is far more important than maybe the one that feels like it's the stereotypical, I'm leaving Kansas City to go to Denver. We all know people who have done that, made a career shift, and they really haven't burned the ship. Because it's still all about them. And that's why I think the first step has to be something internal before it becomes something external.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow, Dan, that is so profound. I guess a couple closing questions is, and I think you've answered it to a degree. But tell us about what's on your heart now, what you feel led to work on in this phase of your life, post Youth for Christ.

And second question, which you've really I think given a pretty good answer, but I'll ask it anyway, is there might be somebody in a cubicle somewhere that's like, I'm doing okay, I'm getting good performance reviews in my corporate job, wherever it is. But gosh, is this all there is?

I don't hate my job, but gosh, there's got to be more to life than just this corporate day-to-day job. Something that will give me more joy and fulfillment, and a legacy I and my kids can be proud of. So really two questions. One is, what's your vision now for your life? And second, if somebody's in their cubicle with a is this all there is moment, what advice would you give them?




Dan Wolgemuth:

The first question, it's something within the last week that I have dealt with in a fresh way. Mary and I have 11 grandchildren too, the oldest is 15. Two 13 year olds, a granddaughter, grandson. So we did a special guy's retreat for the 13 year old boy, a women's retreat for the 13 year old girl. And as I'm looking into the face of Graham Wolgemuth, my grandson, the first namesake in the family, I'm realizing that this is the future.

And I realize it feels cliche, but I really think that my generation valued things like comfort and predictability, and this American dream that somehow felt like accumulation was the way that you could tell if you'd accomplished something. And I'm looking at these 13 year olds, and I'm thinking maybe their perspective is already better than my perspective at 13 years old.

So I'm going to continue to invest in this next generation, teenagers and then onto to college students, believing that they have a lot to teach the generation that preceded them about what it looks like to serve beyond their own comfort and their own accumulation.

So that's why I love still being a part of Youth for Christ. That's why I loved being a part of Taylor University. I'm committed to continuing to believe that God doesn't throw kids on a scrap heap, even if they're addicted or they're consumed with themselves, he just simply doesn't. They're made in his image. So that's the answer to the first question. Refresh my memory on the second one.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, that was a great answer. It's more, let's say you're in your cubicle thinking, is this all there is? The corporate life. Wouldn't I like a legacy people could be proud of, and be more joyful and fulfilled? So it's the is this all there is moment as they're in their corporate cubicle?




Dan Wolgemuth:

Yeah, and you know this, both of you know this.

The reality is that you can have something happen without ever having to leave that cubicle. So it isn't as though you're going to be in a spot where you think, I'm just a nobody in this cubicle, and I'm tired of making money for other people and getting these great performance reviews, but it doesn't really matter very much.

The fact is God made you for a purpose. So a verse that always stands out to me, Ephesians 2:10 says, "you are God's masterpiece." I remember saying that to teenagers who had no clue really who God or Jesus was, but the fact that the Bible says you are a masterpiece, Ephesians 2:10. And seeing something happen in the demeanor of a young person to believe that somebody thinks that they're a masterpiece.

So when you realize that, and that the back end of that verse says, "and you were designed to do good work," that's what God designed us to do. Whether it's in the cubicle or in a completely different vocation, maybe it is time to push the clutch in, shift gears, and go a completely different direction.

But I think you have to find within your own soul the fact that there's contentment you can have and purpose you can have even if you're still in that cubicle. And I think that's the pivotal moment. That is the understanding, that you are made for something more than just what you might script for your life.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough, listener, to know when the last word has been spoken on a subject, and Dan just spoke it.

And what I love about what he said and what he has said in the last several minutes, and in fact this whole show, is he's talking about what Warwick talks about all the time with Beyond the Crucible. And that is a life of significance. That's the goal. That's where we have encouraged you since we started this podcast more than 150 episodes ago, to set your GPS toward a life of significance.

Dan found it in a place that he wasn't sure he wanted to go at first. No one can fill this job at Youth for Christ, his wife said, and oops, he filled it. Warwick found it in his own life after the failure of his takeover of the family media dynasty. Now with Beyond The Crucible, both the podcast and the business.

So as we get to the end of this second to last episode of our series Burn the Ships, it's a great perspective that Dan's brought that that doesn't always mean literally taking a match and burning something. Sometimes it means figuratively taking a match and setting ablaze something in your heart that changes the orientation of your heart from focused on you and maybe your comforts to maybe your accomplishments, and focusing it on what a life of significance which Warwick talks about all the time.

Both of them here have been talking about the same thing. And as we get to the end of this, again, second to last episode of this series, we're landing in familiar territory in our new ships, and that is a life of significance. We will see you next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond The Crucible.

Visit our website beyondthecrucible.com to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough.

A great place to start, our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward. See you next week.

In this episode of our special winter series BURN THE SHIPS, we talk to Donte Wilburn about how he wound up selling drugs in his teens and 20s – recognizing the danger but embracing the lifestyle that dealing allowed him to live. But that lifestyle, he explains, came perilously close to ending his life.

It was only after he leaned into his faith and avoided prison thanks to a judge who believed in him that he found a new ship to board – starting out washing cars for minimum wage at an auto-detailing business he now owns. His success has fueled his desire to pass along the lessons about truly succeeding that he learned the hard way to the young people who work for him – so they don’t have to learn them the hard way.

It’s wisdom he passes along in his soon-to-be released book, Born Hungry: You Were Made for More. 

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible.




Donte Wilburn:

I'm sitting there and I'm contemplating suicide when my mom's sitting next to me and tears are rolling down my eyes and she can tell that I mentally am poor up because I made it past, okay, I'm going to, I'm living by this gun and I survived that. And now, I'm facing eight years in prison. And she's sitting there looking at me on this couch and she kept telling me, "Donte, it's going to be okay. I know it looks bad now, but you are going to be okay. I know it looks terrible now, but you will be okay. I know it looks bad, but I promise you, you will be okay." And what happened after she kept reiterating that, it lifted my spirits and I believed it.




Gary Schneeberger:

It would indeed turn out to be okay for our guest this week, Donte Wilburn. But after what he'd been through, what he put himself through, it's easy to understand how he could have thought otherwise. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. In this episode of our special winter series, Burn the Ships, Warwick and I talked to Wilburn about how he wound up selling drugs in his teens and 20s, recognizing the danger, but embracing the lifestyle that dealing allowed him to live. But that lifestyle, he explains, came this close to ending his life. It was only after he leaned into his faith that he found a new ship to board, starting out washing cars for minimum wage at an auto detailing business he now owns.

His success has fueled his desire to pass along the lessons about truly succeeding he learned the hard way to the young people who work for him, so they don't have to learn the hard way. It's wisdom he passes along in his soon to be released book, Born Hungry, You Were Made for More.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, thank you, Donte for being here. I really appreciate it. Your story is really remarkable. It is a story of redemption in every sense of the word. And I love what you do now with your auto detailing business. In particular, just have a real heart for mentoring folks, for younger people. But let's start at the beginning a bit about your background from what I understand you were born in Gary, which for those not in Indiana or Chicago, I think is like suburban Chicago, not that far away from the city. And moving to Lafayette is probably very different. So, just talk about what it was like growing up. And it was not easy, just the challenges of poverty, racism, just growing up in a town that was very different than Gary, where your parents were. So just talk about just that upbringing and what life was like for you in Lafayette.




Donte Wilburn:

Yeah. So, first I want to just say thank you for having me on. I'm anxious to be able to have this conversation with you, Warwick and Gary and I very, very much appreciate every listener that's listening in. So, I just want to give kudos to what you guys are doing first.

And yeah, so my life basically, I was not born in Gary. My parents actually moved down here and birthed me here in Lafayette, Indiana. And coming from Gary, they just wanted to give us a better life. So yeah, like you said that we grew up in a trailer park. We were one of the only African-American families in that whole trailer park. I mean, in the '80s in Lafayette, there was very, very few African-Americans and I laugh now because we all knew each other. So, if there was an African-American here in Lafayette, I would know their name, who their family is, and everything.

And it's not that way anymore. We're much, much more diverse with West Lafayette and Lafayette, but that's how it was growing up. One time, coming up in the trailer park, there was a kid named Dustin, I won't give you his last name, but the kid is named Dustin. And we got off the bus together and he called me the N-word and took off running. And so, I'm chasing him, I'm chasing him, chasing him, just trying to get to him and he gets into his house before I can get to him. And he goes in and his dad comes to the door, Warwick, and he says, "What do you want?" I said, "Sir, your son just called me the N word and just ran in here."

And at that time, I had to be probably 11, 12 years old. I thought that as a parent they would tell me, "It's okay, my son's in trouble." And this guy looks at me and he says, "Well, you are one." And he tells Dustin, "Come to the front door and you better fight this kid." And so, we just go. And so, he lets his son come out and we're just scrapping in the front yard. I mean, I humbly say as a Christ servant, just a fact, I end up winning that fight in front of his dad. But I say that story to let you know at a young age, you think adults are always good people and they'll do the right thing. And so, when it didn't happen, I had to grow up quick.

And I can say as a believer now that even though those troublesome things happened coming up in a trailer park, I never held any of that animosity and hate inside my heart. I now understand it was just like a poverty mentality and we were all struggling financially. And when you have lack of resources, your mentality is just a certain way. But thank God, we got out of that location. When I got into middle school and the high school, we got into a house, I was so happy. We were in Pineview Farms, much better neighborhood. And when you get into a better neighborhood, as I'm grown now, I knew financially that my parents actually are paying more money. Your expenses go up to live in a nicer neighborhood, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Right.




Donte Wilburn:

And so, money, cash flow actually became tighter in our house. And I'm seeing this kid in the back of study hall counting all of these 20s, and I said, "How did you get that?" And he says, "Meet me after class and I'll teach you." And that's when he taught me how to sell drugs. And I had this twisted mind that me somehow selling drugs is actually helping my parents because it's relieving them from having to pay for the things that I want. And so, I was able to get them on my own. So then, that whole next segment of my life happened and I started down that road.




Warwick Fairfax:

What were you thinking at that time? Because obviously, you probably understood that your parents were doing okay, but it was not easy for them to finance living in a nice neighborhood. What was your thinking about, "Gosh, this would be a great way to get money." What was the motivation that led you down that path?




Donte Wilburn:

Great question. So, this was the motivation. And I'm going to just tell you, I hate saying it because it's so ignorant and I'm looking back on my ignorance and saying, "Wow, I can't believe I thought that way," but I just got to tell you the truth. So, my thought was they were telling me in school, "Get out of high school, go to college, get a great job, buy a house, have a happy family." And when I'm a sophomore, junior in high school and I'm seeing this guy with new shoes, I'm seeing this guy with nice clothes. I'm seeing them going out on the weekends and they're having a great time. And I'm thinking, "Man, I literally got to wait another six years just to have a halfway decent lifestyle that I want now."

And so, my thought was if I sold drugs, I can get the things that I want now, and it's so easy and quick that I don't have to actually work a job and have my education suffer. So, I still was hitting my books, still doing my schooling, but I figured if I sold drugs, then I can have the things I want. And then my goal was, after I graduate from college, I'll quit and I would have this beautiful job in the future, but had no clue that what I'm doing now can definitely affect my future. That's why I say it was so ignorant. But that was my mentality at the time.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, talk about that. You started doing that and were you, probably a terrible question, were you good at it? I mean, selling drugs? Did you do well at that profession?




Donte Wilburn:

I did, man. So, I started out super small, one ounce here, one ounce there, and so half of it would be profit. And it was just very, very small when I was in my junior year in high school. And then, I started to get better and better and started to get bigger and bigger. And then, in my senior year I was like, "Man, I can really do better." And so, I kept going, kept going. And then, so, when I graduated from my senior year and I understood that I couldn't do this forever, I still had a focus of going to college and getting a good job. And so, what I did was no matter what, when you surround yourself with people that are not doing the right things, you go down.

So, my grades started to slip in my senior year because I was in that kind of atmosphere and I had a lot of C's and different things. So, when I applied to Purdue, I didn't get right in. So, I had to go to Ivy Tech first, a small community college, and I focused hard. I got three A's and one B that catapulted me over to Purdue. I just transferred over. So, I get into Purdue freshman year. And what I realized is it's shameful, but it's true, is that all the kids on campus wanted to smoke weed. And so, I started selling even more. And then, when I got to my sophomore junior year, I said, "Man, you know what? I can do this really big."

And so, I got a connection out of California to give me a lower price amount, and I really started doing this big push up into my junior year. But I can't say, Warwick, selling drugs is just smoking cigarettes. People are always trying to quit. And so, this whole time I knew it was wrong, I would try to quit and my money would deplete and then I would sell and get something back. And so, I had this yo-yo of selling drugs until that one day I said, "This is my last drug deal I'm going to do." And that's when everything went crazy. I was going to do one more and I was going to quit. I was done. And that's when everything happened.




Warwick Fairfax:

But before we get to that moment, which is really the turning point in your life, I mean there's a couple of things. It's obviously you're an entrepreneur, you could say, "Well, where did you find out you are really good at running a business?" While selling drugs. You were really good at it. So, a tough way to learn that. But you mentioned, obviously, people can be addicted to drugs, cigarettes, gambling, I mean a lot of different things. You were maybe addicted to success, the money. If you quit selling drugs, the money's going to go down. You can't buy things, go to places.

So, talk a bit about that because people understand being addicted to drugs, they get why that's hard to get off of that. But talk about how even though you knew it was wrong, and I'm assuming obviously your parents probably had faith and values, talk about how difficult it is to stop selling drugs once you're there because that's the kind of addiction that very few people would understand.




Donte Wilburn:

Well, so the love of money is the root of all evil. And you'll see in my story when we talk about it here in a bit, I was running through all of these roads, these flashing lights saying stop, but I ignored them, I suppressed them because main two things is, I can buy and go the places I wanted to go with no problem. And when we went out, I was able to be, I've always been a connector, a connector of people. And so, the life of the party at my house when we go out, I'm the one that had more money than all my friends around me. So, I was the one paying for everything. So, there's this, I hate to say it, but there's a glory that comes with selling the drugs. And so, when you stop, what happens is that glory starts to fade, right?

You can't buy everybody drinks, you can't have the nicest clothes anymore. And when that glory would start to fade away, which was perpetuated by Satan, but when that glory would start to fade away, I would want to jump back in it. So, that was the addiction. It was the glory and the lifestyle that it provided. And to be honest, I used to smoke marijuana and, oh my goodness, I stopped smoking just because I said I could make more profit if I sold more of this and stopped smoking it. So, the exact same principles that I use now on growing businesses, bringing people together, everything was the exact same thing I was doing then, but it was twisted.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, let's get to the main event, so to speak that changed your life. So, you were doing incredibly well selling drugs. You were kind of, as they say, the big man on campus. People say, "Donte, he's got it. He's successful. He's a nice guy. He's cool. Who wouldn't want to be around Donte Wilburn? He's a terrific guy. He's successful. He buys us all stuff and hosts these big parties." I mean, who doesn't want to be that kind of person? So, let's talk about that event where you could have easily lost your life. So just talk about just that incident, what happened, and just give us a bit of background and what happened that particular day.




Donte Wilburn:

Yeah. So, in selling drugs, you always run into someone you're going to have beef with. And so, I end up having a guy that had owed me money that I had threatened in his life. And so, he said to me, "Well, let's make this right. Let's do a drug deal. I'll bring people up and they'll buy it from you and you'll make a great profit from me bringing these people up, buying it from you." So, I said, "That will satisfy your payment to me. Let's make this happen." So, this day, I said, "Let's do the deal at 4:00." He was going to bring his people up. They were going to buy 15 pounds of marijuana for $22,500. And I was buying it for $17,500. So, on this one exchange, I was just going to make $5,000 profit. And so, I said, "Yeah, just bring them off and we'll make this exchange and we'll be okay."

Well, we were supposed to do the deal at 4:00, 5:00 comes, 6:00 comes, 7:00 comes, 8:00 comes, 9:00 comes, and this is going to be my last deal. Okay? My girlfriend at the time, I told her, I said, "This is it. I'm going to make this and we're going to have it for a little bit, and then I am going cold turkey. I'm flying straight." So, the night comes, it is 10:00, 11:00. And 11 something, he says, "We're here." And I said, "Man, I really don't want to do this, but I have to do it." At that time, I just came off of a stint of not selling drugs and all my money went down and my phone was cut off at my brother's house and his gas was cut off. And so, I needed to pay those for him. And so, I said, "Well, I'll make this one drug deal because I had quit for a while and I said, "I'll make this last one and I'm done so I can get this gas cut back on and I can get this phone bill paid."

And 11:00 that night, my girlfriend at the time had done many, many drug deals. Well, she didn't ever do them with me, she just rode along. And so, she understood how I moved and how I acted. And she was numb to it because she was always with me. And so, she comes up and she's telling me, "Don't go, don't go." And she stands up. I'll never forget, she gets off the bed and I'm about to go. And I told her, "I'll be right back." I even told her, "Hey, you come with me. It'll only going to be 15 minutes. We'll go in. We'll make the exchange and we'll come home. Just come with me. You sit in the car." And she says, "No, I'm not going." I was like, "Why not?" And she almost has these tears in her eyes and she's looking at me and she says, "Please don't go." And I said, "I have to."

And so, I leave, get to the place, and I was supposed to make this deal with two people. It was supposed to be this one guy and another guy. And so, when we pull up, they have a white Expedition, they opened the doors, there's four people in the vehicle. And so, when I see four people get out, I'm thinking, "What in the world? It was supposed to be two." And you know what happened? So, remember the love of money is, and I'm consumed with that, I got to make this money. I was thinking that, "Oh, this is a big purchase for 22,000." And I was 22 at the time, and I'm selling to other 22-year-olds. So, I figured they just need to pony up more people to get to this dollar amount. So, I said, okay, it's four of them. Come on in. So, they came in. They go in and out, in and out, in and out.

And my friend Chris, that was my connection, he gets suspicious. He pulls out his gun and I said, "Guys, what is going on?" He says, "Well, we see you have the product." And I said, "Well, you see the product. Well, show us the money." And he says, "Well, we're afraid that if we show you the money, you're going to rob us." And I'm like, "We're not going to rob you. You see it clear as day." And so, what ended up happening is, my friend Chris was probably 35 at the time and we're like some little 20 something year olds. So, he was, you know what you call an OG. He's older than us. And so, he says, "I'm going to pack this up." He packed it up, takes it to the front door, and he looks at me standing there while he's at the front door and he looks at the four guys and he says, "Either you buy this or I'm going to take it home and put it up and go to bed."

After he said that, it was quiet. No one said a word. And I'm thinking in my mind, "Buy it, buy it, buy it." And so, he looks at them one more time. They don't say anything. He goes out the front door. After he goes out the front door, one of the guys scrunched up his face so evilly and goes out behind him. So, there's three guys remaining. And what happened at that time, I didn't know that they were here to harm us, but all of a sudden, I'm filled with this knowledge. I know that they're here to steal, kill, and destroy in a moment of a time. And so, my only reaction was I got to go warn Chris and let him know.

So, I ran to the front door, I go to open it, and I'm frozen. Literally, my hand is frozen, I can't move, and I hear all the gunshots. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. They go off. I run upstairs. And guess what I was going to do when I ran upstairs? Gary, take a wild guess. What was I going to do when I ran upstairs? What would you think?




Gary Schneeberger:

You were going to were grab the drugs and get out?




Donte Wilburn:

Okay, good guess. But really what I was going to do? I was going to hide underneath the bed. That's all I wanted to do, all I knew to do. I hear the gunshots out front. I run upstairs and I just want to hide underneath the bed until this all goes over. I run upstairs. As I go to bust in the room to hide the person's house that we're at, assume that we just got shot and killed, and they were running up the stairs to come kill her. She grabs her gun and she points it at me and I bust in. She points it at me and I was like, "Whoa, whoa. It's just me." I run downstairs. I go to go out the back door, and as I go out the back door, there's a gun at my head and I don't know who it is. I'm like, "Whoa, whoa." And I look, and it's Chris. Chris got shot three times out front, comes around the back. And as I'm trying to go out, he's trying to come in. He pulls a gun on me and he comes in, collapses on me, and he says, "I'm hit. I'm hit, but I don't know where."

And he's bleeding and he gives me his gun because he's losing blood, he's losing his strength. And so, I hold him up with one hand. The girl comes down, she says, "I called 911. The police said, they'll be here in a few minutes. Take this gun. It's unregistered. You got to take it and get out of here." I take her gun, I take his gun. I got two guns in one hand. I'm holding him up with the right hand. I'm go out the back door and all I could envision was someone coming around and just finishing both of us off. I thought they were just going to come kill us both. Well, that didn't happen. I have seen them pull off in the Expedition.

I go out front, as I'm sitting Chris in my car, as I'm sitting him in, I dropped both of the guns and as they twill to the ground, boom, they go off one more time. And Chris asked me, did you get hit? I said, no, no, I'm not touched. So, I picked the guns up. We pull out. As we're pulling out, I'm driving very slow. Cops are blazing past us. I got this weird looking car, and I'm almost past the last police officer. I'm on 10 and two just trying to make it out. The last police officer looks over at me, turns on his lights and makes a U-turn. We throw the guns out, they pull us over, they take Chris to the hospital, they take me down to the station.

Now, in my junior year of college, I had an 8:00 A.M. exam in the morning. And I kept telling the cop, "Get me out of here because, I go to Purdue University, I got to exam at 8:00 in the morning," and I made this big lie up. They end up letting me go. And from there, my whole life changed forever.




Warwick Fairfax:

After that happened, what was going through your mind?




Donte Wilburn:

So, what happened was three days straight, I did not sleep, so much anxiety. I was afraid that my mom was going to get killed, my mom and my dad, because they knew where they lived. They knew where I stayed at my brother's house. I was afraid that my brother would get killed. My girlfriend going to work, would they kill her? And so, literally I slept every night with a gun under my pillow. And if there was a cat that stepped on a twig, I was at the window with a gun at the window. And after three days of being so confused, what I did was, I said, "You know what? I don't know where I heard this before, but I heard that if you live by the sword, you'll die by the sword. If I live by this gun, I'm going to die by a gun."

And I took the top slide off, I took the clip out, I went to my backyard, I scattered it. And I went into the room and I said, "God, I don't know if you're real. I don't know if you're really real. But if you are, I heard that if you live by the sword, you'll die by the sword. You're going to have to keep me." And I went to bed for the first time after three nights, and I woke up the next morning. I was so happy. I was so happy. I thought I was going to get killed that night. I didn't have no gun. That was my protection. And I woke up that night and things really, really turned after that.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that, for a series that we're calling Burn the Ships, right, Donte? That seems to me like the period, at that moment you figuratively struck a match and you burned the ships that you had known. In a sheet that you filled out for us, when we asked you what prompted you burn the ship' moment, you said this. You said, "Well, my choices were either suicide to end it all because I just made a huge mistake or dig in and pull myself out and pull myself in." I mean, there's a reason why the word recidivism is a word, because people who are in bad situations, even when their life is threatened, that's all they know and they go back to that. You did indeed put a stake in the ground. You did indeed set your ships on fire and you did indeed work a new path to a new destination.

You did finally right what you said was so hard to do, stop doing it. You quit several times. You said when you were selling drugs and then you ran out of money and you sold them again. This was the moment where you finally stuck by it where you did indeed light those ships on fire. I am no longer someone who sells drugs. You weren't really sure what that was going to be.




Donte Wilburn:

I didn't have a clue.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Whatever it was going to be, you felt this need, you were going to follow God, you felt this calling, and you went and pursued that. And what was the next thing that happened that got you on a course to keep your back completely turned on the ships that were still burning behind you?




Donte Wilburn:

You. No, you hit the nail on the head. I appreciate that, Gary. So, the next thing that I did was I said, "Okay, I'm going to start going to church a little bit, dibbling and dabbling in church, trying to figure out what's really going on with my life. And then what happens is, after a month later, it all comes out on the news, all on WLFI. All the news channels, "Wanted: Donte Wilburn for conspiracy to deal marijuana." And they had the whole story of the shootout, who set it up, what happened. And so, my mom calls me, she comes over to the house, she says, "Donte, you're in big trouble. They have you all over the news that you're facing eight years in prison." And she's super embarrassed. My dad is super embarrassed. Going to Purdue University.

So, we had to go get a lawyer. And after we got the lawyer, I went home to my brother's house and I'm sitting there and I'm contemplating suicide when my mom's sitting next to me and tears are rolling down my eyes and she can tell that I mentally am tore up because I made it past, okay, I'm living by this gun and I survived that. And now, I'm facing eight years in prison. And she's sitting there looking at me on this couch and she kept telling me, "Donte, it's going to be okay. I know it looks bad now, but you are going to be okay. I know it looks terrible now, but you will be okay. I know it looks bad, but I promise you, you will be okay." And what happened after she kept reiterating that, it lifted my spirits and I believed it. And so, at that moment I said, okay, I'm going to be okay, but I'm still distraught.

So, the next day comes, I'm lying in bed. I didn't even want to go to school. My mom calls me and she tells me she has a job for me detailing cars. I go get this job at auto detailing. There's a deacon there that started teaching me about God, taking me to church, and helping me through what I'm going through. So, I started at minimum wage, just detailing cars. And people in my case, Gary, got 60 years in prison, 40 years in prison, 20 years in prison. I was the last to be sentenced. And in my junior year at Purdue, I got straight A's. So, from the time my mom kept telling me, I will be okay, I made an effort and she got me that job at detailing cars. I literally said, "I am going to be successful. I'm not going to let this define me."

And so, I got straight A's at Purdue and I went before the judge and he had straight A's in his hand from Purdue University, and he had this terrible past. And he told me that, "I just sentenced a 20-year old to 40 years in prison. Do you think I'm going to let you off?" And I tried to justify it about, "Hey, I was born with not much money and different things." And he got mad at me. And he looks at me and says, "Who do you think you are? Do you think that you're Robin Hood, rob from the rich and give to the poor?" And I didn't know what to say.

So, my pastor raises his hand, goes up there, talks with the judge, they start talking. He looks at me and says, "What am I going to do with you? You're going to church, you got a pastor, you're getting straight A's in school, but you did this God-awful thing?" I had looked at him in tears. I said, "Judge, just give me one chance. Please just give me one chance." And he said to me, "I'll give you your one chance. I'm going to sentence you to three years in community corrections. You got to go to jail. You only can get out to go to school and to work, and you got to live in that jail."

He says, "If you get in any trouble again, I'm going to throw the book at you." I'll never forget that. And I said, "Give me the one chance." So, he gave me the chance. I still had to go through community corrections. I had to be in that facility and only get out to go to school and to work. But I ended up graduating Purdue University while in work release.




Warwick Fairfax:

I want to sort of switch here, but I think a lot of listeners are listening and thinking for every Donte Wilburn, there's a bunch of other people that take a different course. I mean, was it that moment when you felt like I should be dead? I mean, there's many that would just keep going on and be in jail for decades or be killed by some other drug dealer. As you look back, it's like, well, how come that happened? Is there any, other than this divine intervention? Is there any reason that can explain why you made that change? Because there's a scenario where Donte doesn't make the change.




Donte Wilburn:

Right.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's easy to say, "This is my last drug deal." But how many times do people say, "This is my last drug deal," and it's not, right?




Gary Schneeberger:

They don't burn their ships like you burned your ships.




Donte Wilburn:

Yeah. So, here's the million dollars in burning the ships. When I realized that I should have been dead, the judge gave me grace and God gave me grace. I got a human that he clearly gave 60 years, 40 years, 20 years. But he looks at me and says, "I'll give you three years community corrections to see what you can do with it." Once I realize how big of a feat that was, I get out, I'm off of it. I'm done with everything. And I'm going to tell you what happened is my friends, my brother, all of them, they said, "Donte, you're off of everything. Come on, let's go out tonight." And I was like, "Ah." He's like, "Come on, come on." But they pressured me in.

I went to the club one night and I'm looking and I'm seeing all of these people, and literally I go out of that club and I go sit in my car all by myself and everyone's asking, "Where am I at? What are you doing? You just got off of everything." And I said, "I'm done." I went home and never again did I go to another club. All of my friends were so mad at me, I never talked to really any of them again. And I dove hard into changing my life. And so, I got really focused in this auto detailing, end up buying the business. And I can tell you this is the truth that just two years ago, it's like I was separated, focused on this drive of focusing on going forward. I had to get rid of all my friends and those bad associations.

And just two years ago, have I started going back to them because I'm in a place after 20 years where they can see the fruit of what I've done and the lifestyle I live. And they're still, some of them are still in the same place that I left them 20 years ago. So, when you say burn the ships, it's not only leaving the lifestyle, but I had to leave a lot of close family members and friends to attain the life that I wanted to live for my family. So, I got myself in this pit, and in order to get myself out, I had to come up with this plan and this ladder. And as I'm working it, I wanted to climb this and I had to cut off all ties for me to be able to climb it. And they say that you're a sum of the five closest people around you. I find that to be true.

And also, what really helped me is I found good mentors. They say success leaves tracks. All you have to do is find success and look at those tracks and get in those tracks, and you'll go to the same place that the person before you went. And so, I started to learn those things and I found good mentors and I started to, what they did, I just emulated and copied and I got in those tracks and it was very opposite of what I was taught in my previous life. But that was the big thing, man. I cut everything off. I got in these tracks of these mentors that I found, and I stayed on that over a duration of time.




Warwick Fairfax:

So, I want to talk a bit about what you do now with your auto detailing business. I mean, you grew this business, you bought it. I think you mentioned in 2011 you grew sales over 180%, purchased the company in 2018, purchased this Legacy Courts and Legacy Sports Club for 6 million to bless children. So, talk about your vision. You're not only successful, but you're successful for a purpose. You have a heart to mentor young people. Maybe other young versions of Donte Wilburn who maybe could go down one track. And you're trying to be that guy who's going to be in their life to help him not go down the track that you went. So, talk about how you are both successful, but you're successful with a purpose. So, talk about how who you are now, if you will, and what you do.




Donte Wilburn:

So, the transition came when I was sitting down and I was reading these different scriptures and I came across something that said, "Let him that stole steal no more, but rather let him work with his hands so that he might have to give to those that are in need." That hit me like a ton of bricks. And I looked at it and I said, "Man, I used to steal. I'm not supposed to steal anymore, but I'm supposed to work really, really hard so that I might have to give to those that are in need." And so, it gave me the whole map, right? Work really hard to be able to bless others. And so, I just got really busy into doing it. I created a vision for Premier Auto Detailing. And we went from, I don't know, 200 and something thousand dollars in 2011. And now currently, I think this past year we did over $2.2 million at an auto detailing company.

And so, I created this vision and our purpose. And I can tell you what it is, it's servanthood and creating joy and happiness through professional auto detailing and window tinting services. So, my philosophy was how can I help as many employees that work under my umbrella? And how can I bless as many customers that we touch? And when you take employees and customers, those two things are really just people. And that's been my main focus in business is serving both sides of these people. So, we have two auto detailing businesses here in Lafayette. We do auto detailing, window tinting, remote starts, vehicle wraps, all kinds of cool stuff. And then, in 2020, we opened one in Kokomo, which is doing great.

And then, Legacy Courts came up because my kids were in basketball and they said, "Hey, do you want to buy this place before it gets turned into something else?" And so, we bought into that and I just was so happy that I can bless more kids with that in sports. And Warwick, what I'll tell you is sports, the reason why I really like it so much is because it gives you disciplines in life. Me, hiring 17 to 25-year-olds inside of Premier detailing, I realized I get a lot of them and they don't have discipline. They don't even know how to take someone yelling at them. And so, that's what I felt like sports would do if I can get as many kids in it. They understand when a coach says, "Get over here now. Run as fast as you can, go and jump." They start to get this discipline of being spoken to and actually carrying out the order and which is so much needed to be successful in business.

So, really, Warwick, I'm going to be honest, man. So yeah, I really am just speaking to my 17 to 25-year-old self when I wrote my book. And I took 10 chapters and I dumped, what was happening was everyone was asking me, "How did you do it? How did you do it?" And I could never tell them in a few minutes. And so, I wrote this book and I put all of me into it. If they obey the strategies in the book, they too will be successful. But I'm just basically talking to my younger self.




Gary Schneeberger:

This is a great time for me to jump in as the color commentator and pull some balloon strings together about what we're talking about. First of all, I have to address, not the elephant in the room, but the hoodie in the room. Donte, your hoodie says Hope Dealer. Now, what you've just described is how you're offering hope to those who work for you. But what you cannot have any idea of is that Warwick has used that phrase, we at Beyond the Crucible are dealers in hope that your worst day doesn't have to define you. He has used the phrase, we are dealers in hope, on multiple occasions.




Donte Wilburn:

Really?




Gary Schneeberger:

It's a remarkable thing. If you look right now, listener, if we've made a video clip of this, or if you're watching on YouTube watcher, you can take a look at Warwick. You can take a look at Donte and think, "These two guys got nothing in common." Guess what? They're both hope dealers. That is fabulous. That's the kind of thing that happens when you help people get past their worst day. So, that's the first point I wanted to make is that you're both hope dealers.




Donte Wilburn:

Awesome.




Gary Schneeberger:

The second thing, when you first started talking to us here, Donte, when you first started talking to us, you said this, that when you were in school, that kid who taught you how to deal drugs, people were asking him, how did you get that? He had things. How did you get that? When you and I talked about you being on the show, you said that the young people who work for you at your auto detailing shop say to you often, "How did you get here? How did you get those things?" And I think it's just poetic that the very questions...




Donte Wilburn:

Oh, my goodness.




Gary Schneeberger:

The very questions that led you down that life that you should not have gone down, that you realized jeopardized your life, those very same questions are now what you're pouring into those people to whom you deliver hope.




Donte Wilburn:

Wow.




Gary Schneeberger:

What's your response or reaction to that?




Donte Wilburn:

Wow. To be honest, I've never even thought about it. I've never thought, that's the exact question I asked him, how did you get here? And that's the exact question they ask me. But the responses and the trainings are completely different. I'm teaching them something completely different.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right, right. And the destinations...




Donte Wilburn:

Wow. Yeah, of course. Wow, man, thank you for pulling that out. That was, I'm probably going to meditate on that for days to come.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I have one more thing since you've mentioned it a couple of times. The book is still in process as we're recording this, but the book is called what? And when's it coming out so that people can know how to get their hands on it? Because you've indicated there's a lot of stuff in there that does indeed offer hope, that does indeed deal hope to folks. So, what's the title of the book and when can people expect to have it?




Donte Wilburn:

Yeah. So, the title of the book is Born Hungry: You were Made for More. So, the whole premise was, when I was born, everyone's born hungry for something. And then, knowing that some somehow as we grow in this life, we settle, we settle. And I settled for being a silly drug dealer. And so, we settled for things. And then, something has to shock us to realize that you were made for more. Go figure out what it is. And so, that's what my book is about, is really a jolt or a shock. Really, I wrote it to people graduating high school and people graduating college to hit the ground running to be successful. That's really, really who I wrote that to.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I mean, that is really profound what Gary has brought out, that you are at a moment in your life, sophomore in high school, and he asked, "Gosh, how did you get there?" And if somebody had given a different answer, somebody said to you, "Donte, it's about faith. It's about having a course, had of beliefs. It's about working hard. Don't take the shortcut." Maybe you would've listened, maybe you wouldn't. But the course of your life could have been radically different, right? If you'd had a Donte Wilburn in your life, somebody, let's say maybe a bit older, 10, 20 years older, it's unknowable. Would you have listened? We'll never know. You'd like to think you would have, right?




Donte Wilburn:

Yes, for sure.




Warwick Fairfax:

You'd like to think. Sometimes, we can be stubborn, and often, the only way to learn is through hard times. But I love some of the things that you write in the book because you are really a dealer of hope from a drug dealer to a hope dealer, I mean, hope is eternal. There are eternal consequences of hope. It's not something that's going to run out. And I love some of the things that you say in your book. You say, "I'm here to say that no matter how monumental the setbacks are, never give up. While there is breath inside your lungs, there is still hope." And I love this next sentence. "I found that my darkest time was the beginning of my best times."

It's hard to understand how that darkest time when you were close to being killed, and in front of the judge when you could have been in jail for 40 plus years, talk about how nobody wants to go through that again, I'm sure. You know you don't. Who would? But yet out of that, the pit of darkness, out of the ashes of the crucible as we say, something beautiful, something good came out of that. So, just help us capture that, what that means for you. What was the good that came out of that really dark moment?




Donte Wilburn:

So, it's really weird when I look back, but I'm almost happy it all happened. I'm going to be honest. I'm happy it all happened because now, when I face, my wife is so good at reminding me. But now, I'll be like, "Oh my gosh, this is happening. We've got this going on and this is going on, and everything's like, and then I stop and I remember, where did you come from? What have you overcome before that is greater than now? So, out of that dark moment, it's given me the understanding of true resilience, perseverance, motivation. If these things are possessed inside of you, no matter how bad it looks and feels, and if you possess this grit, you can overcome no matter what the darkest day is. So, I would say that was the most beautiful thing that came out of being so low is that it's possible. No matter what. It's possible.




Gary Schneeberger:

That sound you heard, listeners, is what I normally say is the sound of the captain turning on the fasten seatbelt sign, saying the plane is about the descent. But since we're talking to a guy who has made his bones in auto detailing, I'm going to say that sounds you heard are the vacuums going, because it's almost time to get out and your car is clean, and it's almost time to go. So, the vacuums are firing up.




Donte Wilburn:

Yeah, yeah.




Gary Schneeberger:

But before we go, there are a couple of things I want to make sure I do, Donte. One is, I want to call the listener's attention to Donte's tone of voice, Donte's demeanor as he's talked about some of the things he's talked about. He started this conversation talking about the very abject racism he felt as a young boy, but he didn't talk about it defeatedly. He talked about it oddly enough to me when I first heard it, he was laughing. Now, he wasn't laughing because it was funny. He's laughing because he's moved beyond it. He's laughing because he's found hope beyond that difficulty.




Donte Wilburn:

For sure.




Gary Schneeberger:

And throughout this conversation, from the drug dealing conversation to his life being threatened, there was a sense of humor about it that we all can experience when we put our worst times, our most challenging times behind us. That's one of the things that Beyond the Crucible endeavors to show you all the time that your worst day doesn't define you, and it doesn't have to remain your worst day in the sense of you can look back at it and go, "Okay," you can even have a sense of humor about it. So, that Donte really impressed me the way that you talked about that.

You have transformed more than just the ship you're in. You've transformed your whole demeanor in the way that you live your life, and that is a beautiful thing to behold. The other thing that I'll do before I let Warwick ask the final question, which is always his prerogative as the host of the show, is to give you the chance to let our listeners know how can they find out more about your business, about you, about your book? Where's the good place to find everything Donte Wilburn on the worldwide web?




Donte Wilburn:

Yeah. So, you can look me up at www.dontewilburn.com. Also, our business is called premierindiana.com. So, you can connect on both of those things. You can get a hold of me, you can email on the business site the info that comes to me, and also on dontewilburn.com. That contact all comes directly to me.




Gary Schneeberger:

And for people like me who don't always spell great, how do you spell Donte Wilburn and dontewilburn.com?




Donte Wilburn:

Oh, my goodness. You hit the nail on the head. It's D-O-N-T-E-W-I -L-B-U R N. So yes, I'm D-O-N-TE, not A.




Gary Schneeberger:

All right. Warwick, take it away.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Donte, thank you so much for being here. I mean, your story is so inspiring. I mean, one of the things we say on Beyond the Crucible a lot is your worst day doesn't have to define you. And you had, well, the worst day was almost getting killed. It could have been not quite as bad in front of the judge, but it could have gone a different direction. But one of the things we say, you don't always have a choice of what happens to you. Yes, you had a choice about some of the decisions, but growing up in a trailer park and racism, there were things that happened that were none of your doing, and horrendous setbacks and challenges.

One of the things we say is you don't always have a choice of what happened to you or you can't undo your mistakes, but you do have a choice of how you move forward. You do have a choice of is it going to define your life? Is it going to defeat your life? Or you're going to move in a more positive life-affirming direction where you live, as we say, a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others? You are both successful financially and monetarily, but you're successful from a faith or kingdom perspective. You are investing in the next generation. Successful in the full sense of that word.

So, just as we close, talk about that word choice, because there may be some people who today are in the situation you were in years ago, or maybe it's a physical challenge. Maybe it's they've failed, maybe their marriage is broken up. Maybe there's all sorts of things that are going on. Maybe today is the worst day for some. Just talk about that word choice and why that's such an empowering concept.




Donte Wilburn:

Thank you. Thank you, Warwick. So, when I think of choices and I think of people of where they are, or they could be where I was, the first thing I think of is grow where you are planted. And I want the listener to know that out of eight billion people on the planet, you're in the city that you're in, or the town that you're in, the state that you're in. Whether it's the spouse, whether it's the family, whether it's the job, out of all the world you're in, the place that you're at. And oftentimes people also think, "Oh, I got to go here. I got to go there." I'm telling you, you can grow right where you are.

It's all about, change happens when you are serious and you got to get serious. This is all in my book, but I talk about having this creative wand of what you want things to be like in your life if you can have them. And once you get really, really serious and you create this vision for where your life, where you want it to go, then you can just simply take steps back and figure out each step that you need to do to get there.

And then, you get a mentor. He's your guide to help you get there. But that's where change happens. And I often tell everybody, "I know what change looks like because I had to do it myself." The very first thing is you got to look in the mirror. You cannot be a victim of anything. You have to get serious. Look at all of your flaws, look at all of the bad, and then know that you can grow and change right where you are.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough to know when the vacuum's stopped running and it's time to drive away and when the last word has been spoken on a subject. And Donte Wilburn, our guest, has just spoken it. Always remember listener as we move forward in this series, burn the ships. If you find yourself in a place as Donte found himself, where he was drifting off course from where he wanted to be. He wanted to not sell drugs, but then it came in and he did it again, and he did it again, and he did it again.

If you find yourself in whatever situation you're in, where you're drifting from that vision Donte was just talking about, you have a vision, but you're drifting from it. Know that this is always available to you. If you're drifting from that vision, you can strike a match. You can set the ship that you're in that's not taking you where you want to go on fire, and you can then move to a better destination, a destination like what Donte's found and giving away what he has been given, that very grace. So, we'll see you again next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond the Crucible. Visit our website beyondthecrucible.com to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough. A great place to start, our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward. See you next week.

Go do it! That’s the counsel, the hope, the legacy the mother of our guest this week, Joel Hungate, gave her son. He’d need those words more urgently than he ever could have imagined when she died by suicide, leaving him to question everything on which he had based his life.

In this episode of our special winter series, BURN THE SHIPS, Warwick talks with Hungate about how his Mom’s death left him in an emotional spiral that he was only able to get out of by embracing his faith. And taking seriously her exhortation to “go do it.”

He’s done just that by trading his corporate career as a biomedical engineer for creating the Adventure Genome Project, in which he helps men and women not just get fit and healthy, but to do so with an eye on embracing adventure.

It’s a journey he knows firsthand, as one of 16 contestants on the new Netflix survivalist series OUTLAST, premiering on the streaming service March 10.

His tip for all of us:  Put one foot in front of the other. That’s how you get to the top.

Highlights

Transcript

Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible.




Joel Hungate:

One of the last conversations that I had with Mom before we lost her, in fact, she was always my number one advocate to go on these adventures. I'd still had a love for mountaineering, for trekking, for camping, all the outdoor things. And she'd always said, "No, you got to do the big one. Go out, get on this expedition, go do these wild things. There's just incredible opportunity for you out there." And she always had a sense, this kind of prophetic sense about just when she interacted with people, she could get to the heart of what they were called to do. It was just an uncanny ability. And for me, she was the one that said, "Just go. Go do it."




Gary Schneeberger:

Go do it. That's the counsel, the hope, the legacy, the mother of our guest this week, Joel Hungate, gave her son. He'd need those words more urgently than he ever could have imagined when she died by suicide, leaving him to question everything on which he had based his life. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show.

In this episode of our special winter series, Burn the Ships, Warwick talks with Hungate about how his mom's death left him in an emotional spiral that he was only able to get out of by embracing his faith and by taking seriously her exhortation to go do it. He's done just that by trading his corporate career as a biomedical engineer for creating the Adventure Genome Project in which he helps men and women, not just get fit and healthy, but to do it with an eye on embracing adventure. It's a journey he knows firsthand as one of 16 contestants on the new Netflix survivalist series, Outlast, premiering on the streaming service March 10th. His tip for all of us, put one foot in front of the other. That's how you get to the top.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Joel, again, thank you for being here. And the week that this comes out will be the week I believe that your new Netflix show Outlast comes on. And you'll obviously tell us a bit about, it's a survival show set in Alaska. Obviously, we won't tell you who won or what happened. We will give a spoiler alert is that Joel is alive as we speak. So he did survive. So as we said off air, we hope it doesn't contravene the Netflix contract. But yeah. So Joel is here to at least tell you that he did survive. But before we get to Outlast, he grew up in Indiana. And I'd love just to hear a bit of the backstory. And I know obviously you're a person of faith, as we are, and your mother was a huge part of that foundation. So talk about what was life for Joel Hungate, growing up in Indiana, and your mom and the influence that she had on you.




Joel Hungate:

First of all, Gary, Warwick, thank you. What a pleasure it is to talk. I grew up on a hog farm in East Central Indiana. And that experience, I think really, one, predisposed me for love of the outdoors. It's just a part of life. It's what we did for fun. It was out hunting, fishing, being in the woods. That was my childhood in a nutshell, and myself, my brothers. And you mentioned my mother undergirding all of that. We grew up with the Midwestern values that a lot of people have come to know and associate with places like Indiana. It's that moral compass, that sense of who one ought to be. And that it has to transcend our reality, it has to transcend our understanding, and just who we are as people. It's got to be vested and rooted in something that goes beyond us.

And for me, she was that conduit, that catalyst for understanding faith. And how critical that was, not only to who I'd become, and to how you respond to what life throws at you. So growing up in that environment, it was baked in. The idea that faith was just a part of life. And we saw it as the underpinnings that guide, that constant, that you can count on no matter where it's going to take you, no matter where the wind blows. And for me, that was almost exclusively distilled by my mom in a very intentional way. And not only for me and my family, but for our community at large.




Warwick Fairfax:

So Joel, we'll get to kind of what you do now with adventure and just helping people be more generalist and understanding, you want them to be participants, not just watchers. As good as Netflix shows are, and I certainly watch a fair share of them, and have my favorite shows and series. You want people to be participants in life, not just observers. But when you think back to when you were growing up, are there clues back then that you look back on and say I can see some clues of who Joel Hungate is now? Were you somebody that loved adventure? Just talk about some of those threads in your growing up that may be clues to who you are now.




Joel Hungate:

Yeah, for me it was always you end up with that feeling, your heart longs for it. I say often that we were designed for adventure. And we are, right? Especially as a young man growing up in that environment, an outdoorsy person, you start to find yourself finding purpose, finding fulfillment in those settings. And it's always that those settings that challenge you. It really brings to life who you are under those trying circumstances.

For me, that challenge was exhilarating. Growing up, whether it was being out in the woods, getting to navigate for my first time. I remember going hunting with my dad. It's one of the things that, kind of those stage gates, those initiation ceremonies as a man. I get to go hunting, deer hunting in particular.

And I remember the very first time that he set me at the edge of the woods, he handed me a compass, took a bearing, and he said, "All right, here's the direction you're going to go." And this is the first time I ventured into that darkness to find my deer stand by myself. And I remember the sense of pride, feeling so alive. And I was 10 or 11 years old at this time. And you're taking the shotgun for the first time, you're going into the woods. I'm scaring everything away. I'm not being quiet whatsoever.

But I found that deer stand. I found it and I nailed it. I didn't get lost. I didn't have to back out and go back to the truck. I was able to take that challenge, that invitation into the unknown. And ever since then, you know could say it's kind of an addiction too, that concept. You're looking for that next step to challenge yourself and see can you answer it, and then who do you become in that process?

So for me, little events like that. Growing up as an athlete, I was a football, basketball, baseball player. Pre-baked challenge, the team aspect. But the other side of it, something that's also been equally exhilarating, I was introduced to the concept of leadership, which I think is a natural foray when you start to think about adventure and purpose. So that's where that childhood, growing up, being outside, accepting those challenges, started to dovetail into what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be as a professional. And ever since then we've been off to the races.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow, that's amazing. So I think from what I understand, you got a BA in science at Purdue, and that took you on a career that, at least at first, it doesn't seem like the outdoor adventurey career. I mean obviously you've got to pay the bills, I realize. And it's fun to be in the wilderness, but you've got to be able to support a family and a roof over your head and all that. So just talk about that scientific bent and some of the medical stuff you've got into at least after college. So where did that all fit into the story of Joel?




Joel Hungate:

I can almost think back to a singular point. It has to do with my dad and my uncles, all of which, I come from a long line of engineers. And I remember them asking me at one Thanksgiving that we were all gathered, not even a young man, I was a child at the time, "Hey Joel, what's your favorite subject?" And I go, "I like history." And they go, "You mean math." So ever since then, that has been kind of pre-baked into the pie, right? And also I think the natural curiosity that comes with adventure lends me really well where I continue to question and ask. And that opened my eyes to what possibilities were in science, and in particular engineering being a very practical hands-on application of the science. So it drew me in.

I remember sitting in the throes of being a young adult in middle school, early high school, what do you want to do? And not wanting to just say I want to be a doctor or a lawyer, or whatever was par for the course. I found out that Purdue, which a school that I had loved and had followed and my family had all went there, so I was very familiar with it, I found out they had a new program. It's called biomedical engineering.

And that adventure side of me was always coupled with the idea that I wanted to help people. And I thought, wow, I can go be an engineer, and I can create things that help people, or I can apply that technical aptitude to new devices or new ideas. And it just infinitely fascinated me. So I remember in my sophomore year, I started telling the career counselor, they said, "Joel, what do you want to do?" I said, "I want to be a biomedical engineer." And I don't even think it was an accredited opportunity for a career path at the time. So it's like you're making up words to folks. And they're, "Okay. Great."

But I was blown away by the burgeoning field on that front and the idea that we could be at the interface, treat the human body and the miracle that is biology as something that we can start to understand and add our insights, our ideas, those God-given inspirations that we just run across randomly, or that we innovate our way towards incrementally and make somebody's life better. I said sign me up. So that's what got me into the science space.




Warwick Fairfax:

I want to pivot here, but from what I understand you were doing well. I mean, you were VP of orthopedic programs at a company called DARI Motion Scientific Analytics. I've got it quasi right. And at a relatively young age. I mean you were doing tremendous. It seemed like a career for you in the biomedical area, sky's the limit. I mean things were great.

But then it sounds like a life event happened with your mother in 2016 that, if I'm understanding correctly, it changed the direction of your life in many ways. So just talk about, you're on this seemingly fast track at a young age in the biomedical area of engineering, and life is going well. I'm sure you were doing well at it, enjoyed it. But then just talk about what happened to your mom, and then how that seemed like it changed the direction of your life. Maybe not initially, but it did a while after.




Joel Hungate:

It absolutely did. For us at that point, my mother being one of those just anchor individuals in my life, that person that you go to when you're in the middle of the woods, when the storm's around you, and can offer that resetting, that idea that, hey, we're grounded in our faith. There's a way through this no matter what you're facing. She was that person for me, for my brothers, for our family.

And right around that time, in late 2015, shortly after my nearest brother, Nathan, was married in October of 2015, that kind of ballpark, Mom started to battle severe anxiety. And for us, we had no experience with mental health issues, behavioral health challenges. Knew nothing about it from an advocacy, or what the family should expect standpoint. And we started to be thrown headlong into what all of that entails.

And for the folks that have gone through that, I can just hear your heads shaking right now, because if you haven't been exposed to it, if you don't know what that looks like, how to help and advocate for a loved one, it's a challenging space from the standpoint of there's not a lot of involvement of the family. The way that mental health was treated at the time, and still continues to be stigmatized in a number of ways. The ability for you, as somebody suffering from mental illness, in this case, severe anxiety, eventually some form of major depression, akathisia, pacing, all these things started to compound. As the family, you're not often augmented with any of the resources to understand what's at risk, how do you help this person? Who do you talk to? What kind of support navigation exists? At the time there wasn't any.

And I'm states away. I'm in Kansas City area, I was living in Topeka at the time, working in a medical device capacity for a large corporate entity. Life was going incredibly well. Career was fantastic. My wife's career was fantastic. She's a chemical engineer. But we're living out there, and then all of a sudden I'm states away from this person in my life that means just everything to me. I don't know what to do or how to help. The family, we're confused. You're kind of left out of the loop in a lot of the care pathways there. And it goes from something's just not right to major events where ends up inpatient behavioral health that she has to seek.

The constant feedback that she would give us through this entire experience was, I don't know what's wrong, but when I go through this treatment, it makes me feel crazy. I feel like a crazy person by the way I'm treated, the way that we're all lumped together, the way that this kind of overlaps, and then just throwing medication at the problem. We weren't finding anything that worked.

And what we didn't know at the time as a family was that there are certain thresholds, and this is as a PSA to anybody that would be going through this, certain thresholds during treatment, medication changes, dosage increases, decreases, ramping on, ramping off. Where somebody like my mother who we used to joke that, she literally used to joke about this, "Hey, if you ever find me dead, it wasn't suicide." She had this zeal for life. She was a philanthropist, she was a minister. She had a Christian radio ministry. She's fed tens of thousands of people. Was one of those folks that, kid you not, we talk about it, you wake up and just looking for somebody to love on.

She was like a ricochet against every human being that she interacted with. We could be at Red Lobster, and next thing you know the waitress is coming over, we're having them over for dinner and we're talking about life stories, and she's sharing the love of Jesus with this person. They're sitting with us by the time it's all said and done. At Red Lobster eating cheddar biscuits. That was the kind of person she was. She was magnetic.

And to see that completely robbed from her personality by mental illness, and then to see that the stigma of it kept her from feeling like she wanted to pursue the type of care that was available, and it didn't feel like it was well-matched. We're going through this entire process. And we are thinking, okay, seems like it's getting better. Seems like it's getting better. She seems positive. And then just like that, one day I get a call, and we lost Mom to suicide out of the blue, out of nowhere. Didn't even think it was a remote possibility. I had no idea that during those critical thresholds, those times during treatment, that the propensity for suicide ideation to ramp or decline that we needed to be on the lookout for that sort of thing. Wasn't even on the radar.

So I'm floored. And imagine what you go through in that environment. You start to question, Lord, this is the person that instilled faith in me, and I'm robbed of them in the most gut-wrenching, impossible way. Unfathomable grief, unfathomable questioning of why. There's no good answer for this. How on earth could this happen to this person? Why on earth would that be her fate? Why on earth would this just happen out of the blue? So I'm reeling. And when all of that happened, everything that I thought I was built on, all the trappings of life, when all of that collapses and all that you have left is that foundation, I found myself firmly planting at two feet falling through the floor until I landed on it, and I got to test how sure of a foundation it actually was.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow, that is a huge amount. I mean, I've got to believe there was all these thoughts that you've described going through your head. Not only were you probably wondering are other people thinking how could a good God let that happen? We're human. We all have doubts. You're probably thinking yourself, if you're going to take anybody, Lord, how can you take my mother? I mean, she is your servant. She's on the front lines for you. Surely you could have done a miracle, done something. You can't lose somebody like this. This is as good as you've got here. At least that's what you've been thinking.

How could she have done that? Were there signs with medical care? Were there things that could have been done better? Could we have been smarter, better? Could the doctors have been? All these series of doubts from faith to medical to spiritual to emotional. What does it mean for my life? I mean, you probably had a tsunami of emotions, anger, doubts. Gosh, if I hadn't been the few states away, would it have made a difference? And I mean torturous questions of which there's no good answer. I mean what were some of those emotions? And I think you've hinted at it, how did you deal with that sea or tsunami of emotions and doubts and anger in so many different directions?




Joel Hungate:

Yeah. You hit the nail on the head, Warwick. This idea of what did I miss? Could I have done something? What was the last thing I said to her? Did I contribute to this? Did I not say enough? Where on earth did we miss? Where did healthcare miss? What were the signs? How could I have been so blind? Right? You start to go through this grief, this idea that what could I have done? What could our family have done? And oh no, by being so far away, by being aloof to the idea, did I not take it seriously enough?

On top of this kind of focusing effect that everything else felt like noise. My entire career came to a screeching halt. Paused everything I was doing. My wife and I packed up and we drove home. Worst 10 hour drive you could possibly imagine. Just silence, tears, rationalization, bargaining, the full stages of grief, it felt like I went around that mountain 40 times. It's unfathomable to think. In a way like that it's almost unconscionable. You think, oh yeah, if you lose somebody, it's always a tragedy. But this just seemed to be some sort of insult to injury on top of that because never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that that was the tragedy that awaited our family and my mother for all the reasons that you just went through, that same thought.

And you end up at this inflection point where you say, what do I actually stand for with all of this? Where is faith in all of this, and what does it mean? Right at that deepest, weakest point, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. And I'm sitting there, and you're feeling that. You're feeling that that temptation to say, how on earth could any of that be worthwhile or true?

And I had this moment of clarity, that burn the ships moment, that the irony being the very faith and the level, and it wasn't just faith, it was a living faith that she instilled in us, a call to action on a daily basis and accountability of how one ought to be. That very thing she instilled in us was the only foundation sure enough to withstand what we were going through. That realization, it blew my mind. And it was just, one, an immediate answer to prayer, immediately clarifying moment to say, wow, what really matters here? And what are we doing, and where are we going? What does it mean?

For me, it was clarifying to say, I have family that needs me. There could be so much more than just this fast track corporate world conversation that I was on where that seemed like the biggest deal going on. Yeah, we're moving on up. Things are great. Success, success, success. But it was the world's standard. And it was this reminder that, though we were robbed of her, it wasn't the quantity of years that she gave us, it was the quality. It was the idea that we all leave a wake in life. And that wake is like a ship moving through the water, hers was like the Titanic. It was a tsunami.

And it's this idea, when you really see what that foundation is made of, it really is a put up or shut up scenario. And for me, I saw that it was sufficient, that it was the surest thing that my life could be built on. Literally in the strangest way, it was kind of the culmination of everything that she had taught me in that moment. And that this was the binary pass, fail. That if you actually believe, if you actually believed it, then what waited on the other side was the fact that there was something that transcends your circumstances.

And if I was built on anything else, I would've fallen right through that foundation, and I would've been running away from it a million miles per hour because I would've found out very, very quickly that it wasn't up to the task. When you find out and you cling and you go deeper, and you realize that this is what it was about the whole time. It's not just this moralistic deism, this therapeutic deism where God just wants us to feel good and everybody be happy. It's the fact that you have something that truly does transcend the tragedy that is often life. And out of those ashes becomes an opportunity you didn't even imagine.

And for me when that happened, I didn't know it at the time, but it was the truest inflection point. My life took a dramatic turn from that day onward. And to see that, the jet fuel that added to just the opportunity surface area for what was going to come next, it's just unfathomable. And that can only be a God thing. There's just no other explanation for it. And I will never be convinced that if I had any other foundation in my life that it would've supported me when I fell at 1,000 miles per hour and had to land on it. Was it still going to be there when you stand back up?




Warwick Fairfax:

So let's talk about that inflection point because your life shifted, and let's talk about some of the things that you did. And one of the things that occurs to me, I'm sure it occurred to you, is living your life founded on faith, following the true calling that God has for you. And it's not just about corporate career and nothing wrong with corporate career, but if it's all about money and climbing up the ladder, and my identity as being in a VP of this or senior VP or CEO, and living a life where, from your perspective and mine founded on faith, where you are taking some real adventures, which you did, to me, in a sense that's living your mother's ultimate legacy of living a life of faith and being who you believe He created you to be.

And to me, living a beloved one's legacy is there's a deep sense of satisfaction in doing that. She's smiling up above and down on you, and I'm guessing pretty happy. So talk a bit about what that inflection point was for you. What this sort of massive crucible, changed the course of your life, how did that change it and what direction happened then?




Joel Hungate:

Right at that inflection point, I had this kind of a awakening around the comfort that I was kind of just riding along. This idea that I was drawn to adventure, I had this purpose, I grew up that way, and you started to settle into the groove. That's just easy, right? It's easy. And not easy from the standpoint that it doesn't require work, but it's easy to wake up and say, you know what, it's what the day holds. You got to put the food on the table. But you don't start to ask that question. You say, is there more? Is there a purpose beyond this?

And for me, literally from that point where I was able to give the eulogy for my mother, our family, we decided right then and there, we were going to talk about mental health, the stigma around it. We weren't going to beat around the bush, or say, "Oh, we lost Mom." No, we were going to say, "No. We lost her to suicide. And here was our experience." And first and foremost, that honor to be able to carry on someone's legacy, to tell the story that could hopefully potentially save another family from the tragedy we experienced, but also honor her and who she was.

Right off the bat, I had an opportunity to speak. And that day giving the eulogy, I found a passion from the storytelling side of what I do. I've always been an odd engineer. I'm kind of a contradiction on that front. Where I'm one of those engineers, it's hard to get me to shut up. It's not as if you pull it out me to get me to talk. So then turning that into an opportunity to share this story, I started looking at my life.

And my wife and I, we felt really drawn to find our way back home to Indiana. I had a younger brother who was in high school at the time, sophomore going to be a junior. Lots of high school to go when we lost Mom. And I thought, how on earth can I get back home to be with him, support him? How on earth can I leverage this experience to rethink where I'm going from a trajectory standpoint?

And one of the things that sat in the back of my mind before, one of the last conversations that I had with Mom before we lost her, in fact, she was always my number one advocate to go on these adventures. I'd still had a love for mountaineering, for trekking, for camping, all the outdoor things. And she'd always said, "No, you got to do the big one. Go out, get on this expedition, go do these wild things. There's this incredible opportunity for you out there."

And she always had this sense, this kind of prophetic sense about just when she interacted with people, she could get to the heart of what they were called to do. It was just an uncanny ability. And for me, she was the one that said, "Just go. Go do it." So shortly after that, I decided to throw in on this crazy first ascent expedition out on a mountaineering excursion in Western Mongolia, to be the first team to summit this mountain that had been attempted multiple times. One of the most remote areas on the planet.

Paused what I was doing career-wise. I said, "I got to go do this." Part of me was doing it in honor and remembrance of her. Part of me was searching for who that person is deep inside and who I was called to be. Kind of this crucible almost experience, this extrapolation of that crucible moment to say, am I up for the task of what this next phase that the Lord is calling me to go through? And it's kind of this wilderness experience for me to go out and be tested. Kind of another rite initiation towards this next phase of life is how it ended up shaping out.

So I not only did that, this wild experience out in Western Mongolia, we had summited this mountain that no one had ever climbed. This incredible daring mountain rescue at 10,200 feet. A story in and of itself with just an incredible team wrapped around me. But we were able to be the first people to summit this mountain. Came back, revitalized, renewed. We got to name the mountain. Is just an incredible experience. Made lifelong friends. I was the only American on this team out of the UK and New Zealanders. Just an incredibly inspiring experience, and came back with this new vigor of what could be.

And I quit my corporate gig. I threw in with a startup company. Invested my entire life savings in it, literally burned the ships on that front, and started pursuing this new path that I had no idea I would ever be on. And that had opened doors into the venture space, into travel, making incredible connections that it ultimately led my adventure stories to continue to compound. And that inspiration to not only continue to have experiences and adventures, but to tell those stories, to inspire others, to share Mom's story. And that ultimately led me to an opportunity to be on this incredible first of its kind unscripted, adventure reality competition that's airing on Netflix called Outlast.




Gary Schneeberger:

I know Warwick has another question for you, but before he does, I've got to make this remark. I've got a note this. You're the only guest we've had on the show where this is true. You've just told a beautiful story, Joel, of how you burned your ships. But the matches that burned your ships were given to you by your mother. Your mother gave you those matches that you used to light those ships that were no longer sufficient for the life you wanted to live, the life she wanted you to live. She gave you those matches. She inspired you to do exactly what you did. And that is a beautiful thing. So Warwick, sorry, I'll let you ask a follow up question.




Warwick Fairfax:

No, no, no. Just that is so profound what you just said, Gary. So Joel, does that make sense? That beautiful image of your mother giving you the match in a sense, burn the ships, but really she sort of gave you the clues of the next direction in life, right? She gave you the vision in a sense.




Joel Hungate:

I could not agree with you more, Gary. That was incredibly beautiful, well stated. And it's funny, you start to look back, and this conversation, this concept of elevated sense making, self-reflection. What did all of that mean? And in retrospect, what you just articulate is exactly what happened. None of that, this cascade of things that I've been on, these experiences I've had, these life altering connections, experiences in business, in my family. And we did eventually making it back home to Indiana, I had twins in 2018. That's another one. You talk about a whole different kind of ship you're sailing on, right? My third child showed up in 2020.

To be a father, to be home, to have these adventures, these opportunities, unfathomable doors opening. And to know that that tinder, that matchbox, that spark, looking back from the moment you thought would've been the darkest in your life, that hiding in all of that was a spark for a flame that was far and above going to burn beyond any anybody's wildest imagination. That was incredibly profound.

And again, you start to look back on it and think, wow, our God truly does, He makes all things work together for our good. When you're aligned with what that plan and blessing and conversation, what He has in store. Not trying to bogart that conversation, to grab the wheel and do what we think is best. And when you're willing to let go, when you're willing to take that and run with it, and say, listen, not my will. You've got something better in store for me. How incredible it is that it's beyond anything we could ever dream of for ourselves. It was incredibly beautiful.




Warwick Fairfax:

Just a couple of things that you said I think it's important for listeners to reflect on. I mean a couple things. One is often, out of the darkest times, and we say this a lot, out of the ashes of your crucible, something beautiful can come. I mean, what could be more horrific than having a mother take her own life who was so vibrant. The last person who you would think would ever do it. Who would joke about saying, "This will never happen to me." It happens. Be it out of those ashes, out of the deep darkness, if you will, a challenging time, came something beautiful, A gift of a purpose, which we'll talk about in which you help others. Being with family back in Indiana, helping your younger brother in high school. So that's sort of one thread that occurs.

And the other is, and we talk about this a lot on vision, look, as a Harvard MBA, you know my tendency is to want the five, 10 year plan as an engineer, right? Gantt charts and metrics, you want all that mapped out. Well, life and God, or creator, whoever you believe in, it doesn't work. There is a reason they call it faith because you typically get the next step, not the next 50, right? I'm not a mountain climber. When you climb a mountain, you're not thinking, let me think of step 85. No, let's just climb the next couple because if we don't climb the next couple, the rest doesn't matter. Let's focus on the next few steps.

And so somebody could have said, "Okay, so Joel, your plan is to go to Mongolia, wherever that is," and it's north of China, I believe, for listeners. But not everybody would know that. "So you're going to goodness knows where to climb some mountain that nobody's ever done. That's your plan? You're quitting your job to do that? That makes no sense, Joel. Okay, be serious. Be responsible to your family. This is an idiotic plan." There might have been some that said that. But yet, you felt called to do that.

And that next step led to an amazing series of other steps you had no clue would've happened. So part of the lesson is whether you believe it's God or your inner voice or whatever, when you feel that still small voice that says, you know what, Joel, you need to do this, you do it. Do you know what I mean? There was a step of faith you took. You had no way of knowing where that was going to lead. And it might have sound nonsensical to many people. Probably did, if that makes sense.




Joel Hungate:

Well, it's this idea that how often and how beautiful is it when we realize that, hey, the promises that we can lay hold of, and what we are really asking is, listen, today's got enough of its own worries, right? Jesus said so himself. Why are we worrying about step 85? Why I'm on Z, when I need to be thinking about what do I need and what do you want of me today? And when we live that way, you have this kind of being present, but also being open. Creating that opportunity surface area for these kind of things to work in your life because you're willing to say yes to it. You're willing to tune yourself to that frequency, to that message, to what is in store or beyond what your plans were today.

And if you start to think about it in a multi-day tranche, just like mountaineering, it's about going that place where you can just put one foot in front of the other. That's how you get to the top. And you learn to suffer well, right? And do it one step at a time. Same thing when we think about our lives. I wake up and my prayer is, God, you have whatever I need for today. It's sufficient for what I need today. What do you want? Where do you want us to go? What do you want me to do? Can you give me the words? Because I don't have them. I'm woefully insufficient. I'll talk too much. I'll say the wrong thing. I'll be in the wrong place. Just help me make the most of what you have in store for today.

And if we do that every day, your life becomes this cascade of significance because you're choosing that on a daily basis. You're enculturating that idea. And it was the same thing with a trip. Just like you would lay siege to a mountain, that's how you have to think about life. The clear and present danger, the challenges of the day ahead, that's enough. But we have somebody that's sufficient. We have a faith that's sufficient that transcends those circumstances. Well, I don't need to dwell on what's around the corner. Of course you want to plan, of course we want to think about things, but we don't want it to define us in a way that keeps us from moving into what He has in store or keeps us from saying yes.




Gary Schneeberger:

There's something interesting that you said in the bio for you in Outlast. And that was this. It's the last line of your what makes you think you can survive in Alaska? You said this, and it goes right along with what you were just saying, "I know I can face whatever awaits me in Alaska with a heart of gratitude, no matter the circumstance." Your life is a good example for listeners should hear this. That sentence works if you take out in Alaska and place anything else in there. I know I can face whatever awaits me in a job that's fallen apart with a heart of gratitude no matter the circumstances, in a marriage that's troubled with a heart of gratitude no matter the circumstances, that's the perspective that you're presenting here, is that you can face whatever you're going to have to face with a heart of gratitude and from your perspective, in your case, from all of our perspectives, with God guiding the way. So that was a nice way to get a little bit of God into your bio on the show for Netflix.




Joel Hungate:

They let a little bit sneak in there, don't they? No. It really is. And for me, it's that what are you built on? And if you have that foundation, your perspective allows you to think gratitude first, and then you can face whatever it's going to throw at you with that gratitude, like you said. And it's so refreshing because I realize that it's not fallen on my shoulders. If I'm choosing this, if I'm choosing to face it with that heart, that mind, that gratitude, what's the worst that could happen here? There's a hope that's beyond even this life.

So all of this aligns itself, grants its own perspective, and then all of a sudden it's really, it's so much easier to think and come from a place of gratitude, no matter what you're facing, no matter how hard it gets. Because I always know, and I'll say it till I'm blue in the face that no matter what is happening with me, it's always way better than I deserve. And I think if you can start to orient that way, wow, it's so much easier for life to achieve that right perspective and you don't get hung up on the injustice and tragedy of life.




Warwick Fairfax:

So well said. So I want to just talk a little bit about the Adventure Genome Project and Outlast. And so climbing that mountain in Mongolia, that set in train a series of events, that the course of your ship, if you will, your new ship, was going in a different direction. So talk about your passion for both those things, in particular, Adventure Genome Project, but also Outlast. Just talk a bit about, it's adventure, but there's a purpose behind the adventure. What's sort of the vision behind that, would you say?




Joel Hungate:

No, I love it. It's amazing how the confluence of all the things that you're passionate about, how they have a way of just finding that middle of the Venn diagram, this improbable cross-section. For me, it was this idea, from a biomedical engineering perspective, I knew a lot about human movement, health, wellbeing, the idea of what the future of health and healthcare has to look like. And that's what I do on a day-to-day basis. I work in healthcare, health and wellbeing, and delivering that in my community.

And then I had this idea, this kind of light bulb moment, of adventure readiness. Where adventure is a means for wellbeing. This idea that if health was a sufficient motivator, like, hey, Warwick, you should be healthy because health is good, and then we'd all be a lot healthier than we are. It's not a sufficient motivator. We know we should move more. We know we should eat better. We know we should be ready and willing to do those sorts of things, but we don't do it because health is a means, not an end.

So we've crafted this idea in Adventure Genome, this adventure readiness concept, that adventure, experience, the things that make life fulfilling and worth living, health, know-how, expertise that unlocks your ability to tap into those things, as opposed to just being the reason you should be healthy for the sake of being healthy. You now have a purpose. Hey, I want to hike the Grand Canyon rim to rim, so I'm going to get healthy. I'm going to eat right. I'm going to get control of the discipline areas in my life that I need from a physical and mental standpoint so that I don't waste my time and money and effort out on the trip only to stop a quarter of the way in. Say, "Hey, pick me up on the way back. I'm tapping out."

So that this idea of adventure readiness started to resonate. That we can not only think about adventure as something that just folks are doing on Netflix's series, hanging from some foreboding peak in the Karakorum. "Well, I'll never do that. I'll just have to live vicariously through this experience." You can start to look at it, and say, well, what's adventure mean for me? And how can I scale this idea of adventure, and get that foundational building block of know-how, gear, equipment, logistics, community.

And that's what created this idea of Adventure Genome. And what we're doing is starting to amass those resources, tell that story, connect people to those things to create kind of this marketplace of experiences. So I'm really excited as that's kind of in its infancy and coming to life. It's starting to pull on the heartstrings of so many folks that are drawn to adventure. They know it, they haven't been able to articulate it, and they also have never thought of themselves as being worthy or capable of it. And we're challenging that notion.

So for anybody listening, you can do so much more than you think you can. And I come from this place of people as purpose. We are impossibly precious. We are the rarest, most infinitely precious thing. To know somebody, to be alive, to be imbued with life, to be a human being. You are infinitely precious, infinitely worthwhile. How much more so are those adventures and the things that are awaiting you in this life? So that's the whole goal is how can I empower that passion, that inspiration in others to scale adventure to whatever that means for them. But know that it's not just for me and the folks on Netflix or the folks on TV, it's not these crazy expeditions. It could eventually be there. You might eventually want to go do that.

How can I help you create those building blocks so that you unlock that type of adventure? And that's the mission, the ethos of that adventure readiness concept. And to challenge it at this interface of health and wellbeing, of faith and philosophy, and what it means to live a life of significance, of purpose and know how. And then getting out and being people of action and doing it. So again, if all of that can coalesce around that inflection point that a center of all these passions, again, that's only a God thing. To be able to take these disparate experiences and connect those dots.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, just as the last theme, because listeners are going to be curious, and the Outlast series on Netflix will come out the week that this podcast comes out. How did that happen? And to the degree you can talk about it, again, we don't need to know who wins, you'll have to watch the series, but just talk about how that happened and what that experience was like.




Joel Hungate:

So I was so drawn to the concept of Outlast. I want to continue to put myself to the test. Southeast Alaska is one of the most trying environments you could ever imagine. It's a temperate rainforest at incredible northern latitudes. What that means is 33 degrees during the day, you're getting rained on the entire time. At night, it freezes. Rinse, repeat. In an environment where you have to source all of your own food, all of your own firewood. Try to create firewood when everything is wet, everything is cold, everything is difficult. I was drawn to the challenge of that.

But conceptually, philosophically, this idea of who do you become in an environment like this where we're dropped into Southeast Alaska, lone wolf type, alpha adventure survival people that would probably prefer, and in many cases it is easier, to just do that sort of thing by yourself. You only have to feed one person. You have to worry about one person. But the leadership side of me said, wow, part of this is we have to work together on teams as a part of the concept for the show. And what a challenge to put yourself in one of the most trying environments on the planet, to get a chance to learn from some incredible people, and to put your skills to the test in that environment. Sign me up. So I was drawn to the fact and just blessed by the fact that my background qualified me to take that next step into a setting like that.

But then number two, the challenge of in that setting with those incentives, with this incredibly ambitious concept, the philosophical underpinnings. And really you'll see this as the show comes out, 50% of the challenge is the elements and the danger and the difficulty, the other 50% is human nature. It's what's happening up here, and it's what's happening in the minds of all those people that you're with, with just really unique incentives.

So what an incredible experience. One, a brilliant concept brought to life by some brilliant people. So I was drawn to that endeavor just in general. But more importantly, the meta narrative of all of this is would I still be Joel in the most trying of settings? And again, it's kind of that you start to seek out these kind of pulse check crucible moments of when I'm broken down again to whatever foundation my life is now, is it still what I think it is? Am I still sufficiently grounded in my faith to be me through the most trying of circumstances? And what does that mean in a setting like this? So to have a chance to see that pan out, that's what I think is going to make this some of the most compelling television. So yeah, could not highly encourage it more. And especially if you have a Netflix subscription, you are in for a treat come March 10th when this drops. Because it is going to be just wild, ambitious, just unlike anything I think a lot of people have seen.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that sound that you heard listener was, I'm going to say, the pilot of our sea plane since we're talking about being put out in some remote area, it's not an airliner, it's a sea plane. The pilot has indicated it's time to fasten your seat belts. And we're going to begin our descent to end this episode, but we're not there yet. And we're not there yet because I want to say one thing to you, Joel, and I want to ask you something about the show.

First of all, I want to say to you, we've done, this the 153rd episode of this show. And you, my friend, are the first guest ever to use the word bogart in a sentence that didn't refer to Humphrey when you said they didn't want to bogart all the time. I just thought that was fabulous. So bravo, you've broken new ground.

Secondly, at the very beginning of our conversation here today, in talking with Warwick, you mentioned this idea of growing up with Midwestern values, ideas of who we ought to be. I grew up in the Midwest as well, still live here in Wisconsin. We've all seen reality television. Because I've worked in Hollywood, I've worked for some of these shows that are reality shows that are survival type shows. And I know how the contestants can kind of interact with each other. I'm fascinated to hear from you how out of place can it be to have Midwestern values in what is usually viewed, often presented as a cutthroat competition show?




Joel Hungate:

Oh, well, brilliant, brilliant question because for me that was the struggle, the internal struggle for me the entire time. It's again, who ought one be and how ought one behave. And those questions, I'm big on the philosophy side of it because I think it's such an enforcement to what I believe in from a faith standpoint. That strong philosophy and theology come hand in hand, and consistency on that front is key. Now imagine you're thrust into this incredible setting where all of that is on the chopping block in terms of the incentive, in terms of where the game could go, in terms of how the competition is going to pan out.

For me, and I think that's going to be one of the most compelling aspects of this, the human nature component of this series is unimaginably interesting. Being in that setting, knowing how it works out. And I'm so excited for folks to see that interplay. To get to experience that where it's such a nuanced take on the concept. Bunch of people enter a game, we get down to some winner. The concept's everywhere. It's tried and true as it gets. But this nuanced take of really leaning into what does that really mean about who we are as people? That for me is what drew me to the game, and a chance to say, do I come out of this still being Joel? And am I proud of that? What does that mean for who I am? And what will that tell to other people? Will that be inspiring? Will it be something that I wish I could change? You'll have to watch to find out.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, I almost missed my opportunity. I was so excited to bring up the bogart thing that I forgot to ask you this question. People know pretty much the web address to find the show, netflix.com. How can they find out more about you, Joel, and about all the projects that you're doing in your new ship that you are now in?




Joel Hungate:

Yes. Now anything and everything, to see what's next for Joel Hungate and his adventures, joelhungate.com. J-O-E-L H-U-N-G-A-T-E .com. All of my social media, you can connect to everything that I'm doing outside on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, any of that. But joelhungate.com, that is your source of truth for what is next.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, take us to the finish line of our reality show here.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Joel, thank you so much. I mean, it's just really inspiring, your story, and just how the terrible circumstances with your mother has just fueled this passion for adventure and wellness, and just helping so many people. There might be, I guess, a couple different questions. I know one of the things you talk about is generalists, and I'd love to hear a bit about kind of what's next for you in that whole generalist theme, which I think is fascinating. I'd love to hear a bit about that. But also there may be some people today that maybe today is their worst day, and they're going through some real challenges. What would a word of hope you would have for folks that maybe today isn't a good day? So two very different questions, I guess, but I wanted to get the generalist one in there too, as well as a word of hope.




Joel Hungate:

Well, on the word of hope front, you may need to hear it today, but you are known, you are loved, you are worth it. You have purpose. You have a plan beyond your wildest imagination because you are the only you that will ever exist. And you have a life that only you will live. In the history of all humanity, all of the known universe, you are unique and you're precious. You're worth it. And you are called to so much. And it's so much more than whatever that circumstance happened to be today. Your life transcends it, your value transcends it. And I just hope if somebody needed to hear that today, I hope they know that, regardless of what life has thrown at you, regardless of that circumstance, you are worth it. You're known, you're loved, you're important. So don't believe for a second that that doesn't apply to you just because things aren't going the right way, things are challenging, times are tough. There's so much more, and you are absolutely 100% known and loved.

And again, for the conversation on the generalist, I'm a big believer. I come from engineering. I'm an innovation background, especially in the startup space. Innovation happens when we connect dots that people haven't connected before. And I think the generalist is a dying breed. We live with our blinders on. We think I'm going to know the most about this one thing and I'm going to be hyper specialized in it. Victim of it myself. I was doing that in the corporate world for a while where I was really, really good in the orthopedic space. That's what I did. That's what I knew.

But this idea that we have more information at our fingertips than ever, it's easier to access, it's easier to digest, it's easier to know and connect these disparate dots. It's easier to bring new perspectives into whatever it's that we're doing. I would challenge everybody, especially if you're a young person thinking, how am I going to differentiate myself in this world career-wise, whatever it happens to be, start to fill in the gap of the things that...

When I became a biomedical engineer at Purdue, I looked around and I said, wow, a lot of really smart engineers in this class. I came from a little school in Indiana, and I thought, wow, I'd better find something interesting to differentiate. So I got into soft skills, business, being able to present myself, sales skills. And that confluence of technical background with all of that made me really dangerous. And it's this generalist approach that I think is going to start to help us find creative solutions to the things that are plaguing us in society.

Adventure Genome's a great example. How can I take adventure, biomedical engineering, startup innovation mentality, and this idea, this philosophy of committing to readiness, being ready to say yes to whatever life is going to throw at you, or the good Lord has planned for you and bringing it together? So that's where the power happens, that's where it manifests, is when we talk about generalist connecting dots that no one connected before. So if you're wondering what you should be and where you should go, be a generalist. I think you'll be really surprised how you can pull from these disparate buckets and create opportunity for yourself and for other people and give back. Because if you're doing something that betters the lives of others, and all the while it's fulfilling for you, you found that sweet spot.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough, listeners, to know when the last word on a subject's been spoken, and that exhortation from our guest, Joel Hungate, I think is a really good place to end our conversation. Because it doesn't end our conversation. It plants a question in your mind, a question before you that you can then explore once we hit stop record.

Before we do that though, please remember that we understand your crucible experiences are very, very difficult. They can be very painful. But we also know that sometimes your boat can feel like it's drifting off course a little bit. Sometimes you can be heading in a direction that you didn't think you wanted to head, that you don't want head, and you want to reset. When that happens, Joel's story's a great example. Get yourself a book of matches, strike one, burn your ships. We'll see you next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond The Crucible. Visit our website beyondthecrucible.com to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough. A great place to start, our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward. See you next week.

If you’ve been listening to our special winter series BURN THE SHIPS, you’ll know why we’ve turned the microphones on ourselves this week. It’s because we’ve made our own pivot – changing our business name from Crucible Leadership to the name of this podcast, Beyond the Crucible. 

While the change is more a remodeling of our ship than setting it ablaze, it does indeed signal an expanded vision that speaks to our new focus and the new inspiration and action steps we can offer you as you embark on your journey to turn your trials into triumph.

In this episode we talk about the benefits of the new name, including more precisely articulating our desire to offer hope and healing not just to business leaders, but to anyone in search of insights and tools to make sure that their worst days don’t define them. 

To explore Beyond the Crucible assets, visit beyondthecrucible.com

To start creating a life you love, explore our new e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, by visiting secondactsignificance.com

Highlights

Transcript

Gary Schneeberger:

We've seen so much interest in our special 23% off offer for our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, that we're continuing it throughout February. The three module video course will equip you to transform your life from, "Is this all there is?" to, "This is all I've ever wanted." Each session is led by Beyond the Crucible founder Warwick Fairfax, who shares his own hard won successes in turning trials into triumphs.

And he's got some high-powered help, from USA Today's Gratitude Guru, to a runner up on TV's Project Runway. From a recording artist with a Billboard number one album, to a couple of bestselling authors. It's an ensemble of men and women living significant second acts, who would command a six figure price tag if any business wanted to fill an auditorium with them to coach their employees.

But we've packed their insights and action steps into our course for a sliver of that cost. And if you act before the end of February, you'll get 23% off your enrollment. Just visit secondactsignificance.com and use the code, "23FOR23". So don't delay. Enroll today and remember, life's too short to live a life you don't love. Now, here's today's podcast episode.




Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible. By saying Crucible Leadership, it created a barrier potentially. People might think, well, I'm not really a leader. And we can say, well, actually, everybody that has a vision coming out of their crucible is a leader because it's, as you said, leadership from the boardroom to the living room. And we can say all that, but you don't really get through the wall of people's thinking, of people's perceptions.

You say Crucible Leadership. I'm not a leader. So we don't even get to have a conversation because they stop there, and if they don't get in the door, you can't really have a conversation. So Beyond the Crucible, more help people understand, okay, this is about getting beyond my worst day. Got it. So the word Crucible Leadership from a branding perspective, more than just branding from allowing people to receive guidance, assistance, help. The word leadership created a wall that maybe some people might not go through because, oh, I'm not a leader. That's not for me.




Gary Schneeberger:

If you've been listening to our special winter series, BURN THE SHIPS, about men and women who've had the courage to pivot from safe and in many ways steady lives to new adventures that bring them satisfaction and significance, you'll know why we've turned the microphones on ourselves this week. It's because we've made our own pivot, changing our business name from Crucible Leadership to the name of this podcast, Beyond the Crucible.

While as we explain the change is more a remodeling of our ship than setting it ablaze, it does indeed signal an expanded vision that speaks to our new focus and the new inspiration and action steps, we can offer you as you embark on your journey to turn your trials into triumph.

Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. Warwick and I talk in detail here about the benefits of the new name, including more precisely articulating our desire, to offer hope and healing to not just business leaders, but to anyone in search of insights and tools to make sure that their worst days don't define them. You'll learn all about it here and in the new blog at beyondthecrucible.com.




Warwick Fairfax:

Anybody that owns a home will know that over time you actually have to remodel. You replace your roof every 20, 30 years, maybe you need to replace some flooring, carpeting. Things don't last forever, and remodeling is part of life, for at least many people.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. And in many cases it happens because your family expands. It happens because you've perhaps moved and you have to remodel the home that you're in because it no longer exactly fits where you're at in life. And that's what's happened as I get ahead of myself. That's what's happened from Crucible Leadership to Beyond the Crucible. So stick with us listener. We're going to get into the details of what we're talking about and how that came to be.

So it's like, if you remember Prince, he changed his name and he became The Artist Formerly Known as Prince. We're going to talk today about the brand, formerly known as Crucible Leadership and where it's at now as Beyond the Crucible. But what we're going to start is where we always start, when we talk to guests and that is, what's the backstory? But it's not of a person this time, it's of that brand. It's of that brand, Beyond the Crucible. What was the formation that had started as Crucible Leadership?

So Warwick, you've talked a lot about your backstory, you've talked a lot about your history, you've talked a lot about those things. But what was the impetus for starting what was then called Crucible Leadership?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's a good question, Gary. I mean just, I know listeners know this, but just to level set us very briefly, the reason leadership was my passion was because I grew up in this 150 year old family media business, started by my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax in 1841. Grew to be a massive $750 million 4,000 person media company, newspapers, TV, radio stations, magazines.

Had the Australian equivalent of the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal. Massive company. Dad died in early '87, fresh from Harvard Business School. I launched a $2.25 billion takeover later in '87. Prepared my whole life to go in the family business. Undergrad degree at Oxford. Worked on Wall Street. Harvard Business School. All to fulfill what I saw as my duty. And my parents and I felt the company wasn't being well managed and run along the ideals of the founders. So hence with my naive, idealistic crusader mentality, launched this couple bidding dollar takeover.

And of course things went wrong from the start. Family members sold out. They didn't believe in me or my vision. Who wants to be in a company controlled by a 26 year old. Stock market crash in '87. Too much debt. Three years later, despite bringing in new management and increasing operating profits, the company went bankrupt. So that's actually one of the briefest versions of my story I've ever told.

So where Crucible Leadership came from was obviously for many years this was a tough thing to get over. I felt like I'd let my family down. Parents, employees, even God for some strange way since I was a believer and the founder was a believer and I guess I felt like there was some plan that I botched which little simplistic theology on my part.

Anyway, '90s were not easy years but come around about 2008, the pastor of my church asked me to give a talk in church about my story. So I did. And what was amazing is weeks, months after people said, "Warwick, your story and the lessons learned, it really helped me." And as I often say, I don't think there were any former medium moguls in the congregation.

It's one thing to talk about cancer, abuse, physical challenges. They are sadly all too common. There will be people in any given audience that can say, "Yeah, me too. Thank you. You made me feel heard. You made me feel seen. Thank you." This is not a common story. So that led me to think about writing my book. I never wanted to write a tell-all saying, "Oh is me. I was right. They were wrong, because that's lame and boring," and it's against my values.

I just refused to do that. But if I can write a book anchored by my story that will help people, then I felt called to do it. It took years to write, years to get it published and writing about your worst, most painful days is not easy. After a couple hours, I was done. So that was what happened.

So I wrote this book, Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life for Significance. That's a tagline at the bottom, which says, at age 26, he launched a $2.25 billion takeover bid that failed. What could have broken him, set him on the road toward significance. So it's always been about significance, but I felt called to write a leadership book.

So this book is anchored by my story, but it's got stories of my dad and, John Fairfax, my great-great-grandfather, the founder, stories of historical leaders and inspirational and faith leaders. And it's all anchored around key principles of leadership. So you've got chapters on authenticity in the embrace your crucible section, and then finding your purpose. Chapters about faith and character and values.

You've got chapters about vision, shared vision, how to get a group of people on the same page, listening more broadly, seeking advice from a few, organizational leadership, how you cultivate an environment where people thrive and are encouraged and implementation. It was all around leadership. That was my original passion, was how to help leaders at all levels be the best leaders they can be. And often the secrets of great leaders is the lessons they learned in their darkest days, whether it's Abraham Lincoln on the Civil War, Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Britain in World War II. Severe crucibles test a leader, and those who have the potential for greatness, it makes them greater leaders.

So it was all about leadership and how crucibles can be catalytic in helping leaders become greater leaders. So that was the original vision of what we do here.




Gary Schneeberger:

And in the context of a series that we're calling BURN THE SHIPS, I want you to do something for me. I want you to hold the book up again. So that book, Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life of Significance, is what led to the launching of the ships for Crucible Leadership. In a very real sense, that book is the bottle of champagne that you used to crack across the boat to get it going. That was the inspiration. That was all of the information that came out when Crucible Leadership was brought into being.

But we learned some things. You learned some things as we went through the initial days. A lot of things changed from the time that you gave that speech in church, to the time that you then decided you're going to write the book, to the time that you found a publisher to publish the book. And then the time that creating the... I mean, lots of things changed. Talk about those a little bit because what it speaks to is what we talk to on this show a lot, and that is the expansion, the growth of a vision, the progression of a vision.




Warwick Fairfax:

The brand Crucible Leadership, if you will, grew. We write blogs, you and me and sometimes others. We post on social media regularly. Podcast grew, which has been, I don't know, is it a third year? It feels like it's a while now, isn't it?




Gary Schneeberger:

It started four years ago. Yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow.




Gary Schneeberger:

Four years ago.




Warwick Fairfax:

Boy, time flies.




Gary Schneeberger:

It's like that, isn't it? Its like that.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. So amongst other things, I'm a certified executive coach, so I really enjoy questions and interviewing. And you, Gary, just a former life, have had a lot of experience on radio and newspapers so it just was... And we're complementary, have different personalities, different gifts, but I'd like to think we're a good combination.




Gary Schneeberger:

I would agree.




Warwick Fairfax:

Thank you. So the book, the blog, social media, the podcast, and now we have an e-course, Second-Act Significance. So it was originally a book and then well, to promote the book and get it published, you need a brand, you need a following. And then it's like, well, another way to tell good stories is through a podcast. So the brand and the vision, it definitely expanded from just a book. It expanded into a number of different activities that we do.




Gary Schneeberger:

And as those things have gone on, there's been some consistency. We want to make sure that people understand that even though we have remodeled the ship that was previously known as Crucible Leadership, we've remodeled it, added some decks, changed the way that, added coat a paint here and there, even though we've changed the name of Crucible Leadership to Beyond the Crucible, before we get into what those differences are, let's talk about what the similarities are that still remain. And that is, you discovered and shared in your book some key principles. Those key principles about both how to lead others in a professional context and how to lead yourself and your day-to-day life. Those remain. That's in the hardcore DNA of this brand that you built regardless of the name that's attached to it, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

That's a very good point. Authenticity, being truly who you are, that's something for leaders or for individuals is important. We talk a lot about, young people sometimes feel the pressure and stress to be who their parents, friends, teachers want them to be. Maybe go be a doctor, lawyer, what have you. And we talk about just being authentic to who you are.

We talked about living in light of your design. So if you love the arts, for instance, just going to be an actuary in an accounting firm, nothing wrong with that, but why would you do that? Even if your parents maybe had some small accounting firm for instance, or some insurance, brokerage, it makes no sense. So living in light of your beliefs and values, it could be a religion, philosophy, way of thought. You want to be true to who you are. You want to have a vision that's unique to you. I mean, there's a team of fellow travelers to help you implement it.

So what applies to an organization or a leader of a large organization is true for individuals. So those principles such as authenticity, character, beliefs, vision, they haven't gone away. And we'll talk with this being a bit of a shift, which we'll talk about, but some of the core elements in the book are still true.




Gary Schneeberger:

Absolutely. And there's still much for people who are in leadership positions and organizations to glean from Beyond the Crucible. But there's also been some addition. It is not an either/or leadership or self development. It's a both/and. Both of those things are robustly discussed, robustly revealed in the way that Beyond the Crucible is now moving forward.

All right, so we're talking a lot about a change, from being almost exclusively at least referring to ourselves as being about leadership, talking about leadership, about giving tools for leaders, to this shift to Beyond the Crucible, which expands that base. But before we move on to that, it would be, I think really instructive for listeners to know this question. And I don't know that anyone has ever asked you this as directly as I'm about to, and that's this. Where did Warwick Fairfax's passion for leadership come from? Where did it start? How did it develop? Why is it there?




Warwick Fairfax:

So part of my passion for leadership was almost inherited. It was my duty in a sense to lead this large company. I guess really where I felt like I was being thrust into the front lines, if you will. My dad was removed as chairman by some other family members in 1976. And then my future role was, it was imminent. It felt imminent even though I was 15 at the time. Oxford, Wall Street, Harvard Business School, and even as a teenager, people would ask me, "Well, what is it you want to do in life?"

Some people at that point they might say, fireman, policeman, maybe they say, yeah, I'd love to be a concert pianist or I'd love to, I don't know. Work in advertising, maybe gets a little bit more defined as you start getting into your late teenage years, you have some clue about what you want to do. But I always answered this in a strange way. I said, "I want to be a general manager." How many kids say that? None.

You'd be, I'm going to be an actuary. I'm going to be a general manager. I'm going to, I don't know, whatever it is. But the reason is because I felt general managers were people that cared for and encouraged people. That's how I viewed it. So in my mind's eye, and this is going to sound a bit silly, I saw myself even as a teenager one day being a leading position in the company, as it then it was John Fairfax Limited, giving speeches to the employees. Not other people, but the employees encouraging them. Telling them that they mattered, creating an environment in which they could flourish and succeed and be respected.

So leadership to me was about creating an environment where people could be encouraged to be the best they could be within their gifting and flourish and succeed. It was all very altruistic. It wasn't about profits and business visions and goals, it was none of that. It was about having people be cared for. So when you understand that the shift is maybe not as surprising since I'm all about helping people, maybe individuals, be the best they can be, and now obviously overcome crucibles, overcome setbacks and failure.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it's so interesting to hear you talk about you were 15, and you wanted to be a general manager and this is what you thought a general manager did, this is how you envisioned it. Fast forward to the start of Crucible Leadership, that's what your book does. That's what you have aimed to do with this business is to encourage people, to care for people. We talk about it all the time. Hope and healing. We are dealers in hope. I've heard you say, if I've heard you say it once, I've heard you say it 200 times. That life trajectory maybe got bumped off course a little bit, but you've stayed on it for sure.

Now that you've said that, and I've set this up, that vision from the outset for leadership that's morphed. Even the leadership components of Crucible Leadership, that's morphed over time. How has that happened? In what ways that maybe listeners either have seen and haven't pulled all the balloon strings together or they haven't seen. How has that morphed over time?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. We'll get into more detail here in a moment, but at a high level, what happened to us and to me is really a good example of how visions tend to morph, expand, be refined, and that's what happened. You've got to listen to your inner voice, to the spirit, to God, whatever your construct is. And what happened in particular as we recorded podcast episodes, some were leaders, some were just individuals, and we weren't just recording stories about leadership crises. Some were very personal tragedies, which will get into.

We began using words like, you are not defined by your worst day. That wasn't a phrase that existed in the then Crucible Leadership lexicon before we started recording podcasts. It just came out of our discussions with guests. And we found that it was very personal. How do individuals overcome their worst day setbacks and failures? It could be their fault or it could be something terrible that was done to them. How do they find drops of grace, drops of redemption? To use that pain for a purpose, to often out of the ashes of a crucible have a vision that would help others?

Now, yes I suppose you could call it leadership in some ways, but it was really more the focus whilst on organizations or management or creating shared vision and what have you that's in the book. The focus is on if today's your worst day, how do you get out of the pit and redeem some of the pain that you've been through in a way that helps others, which we call a life of significance. So basically the change was already happening without us realizing it. It was happening organically in large part because of our discussions on the Beyond the Crucible podcast.




Gary Schneeberger:

And one of the things I think that really sticks out for me that really expanded that vision was the Second-Act Significance series. The idea that crucibles aren't always these devastating big headline - you and I both have newspaper backgrounds - there aren't always this 87 point type headline of some tragedy that's happened to you. It's a more internal tragedy. It's what we've come to call a quiet crucible. It's that, is this all there is moment. I can be doing more. It's your cubicle moment. I'm playing small. There's something else that I can be doing.

Those things again, they were not in the original vision, but as we walked out the vision, as you walked out the vision, those things stuck to you like, let's keep talking about ships. Like barnacles to a ship. As the ship's going through the waters, they clung to you and we kept talking about them and talking about them and the time came to formally do what we had been doing informally. And that was add a little bit of breadth into this vision that you hatched that was working so well.

So it is truly not an either/or from leadership to personal growth, it's a both/and. Absolutely, there are things in Beyond the Crucible for leaders of organizations. There's also things in there for people who are trying to lead their families. A phrase I came up with, way at the beginning, Warwick five years ago, that we haven't used much, but leaders in right from the boardroom to the living room. That turned out to be a little prescient in the sense that it's not just about business leadership, it's also about life leadership, leading yourself, helping yourself be resilient, moving that way through those kinds of things.

So all of this, I should have said at the beginning, and I didn't, but you mentioned blog a few minutes ago and I'm like, oh, all of this is tied to a blog that will soon be, if not already on the Beyond the Crucible website, beyondthecrucible.com, will be there shortly. Which discusses exactly what we're talking about here, why the change in name and what you, the listener to this podcast and the reader of those blogs and the engager of the content that we offer, what you can get from it.

So that blog will unpack a lot of what we're talking about here today. And just to show that those of us who work at Beyond the Crucible, go through crucibles continually, I'm not looking at my phone because I'm not paying attention, I'm looking at my phone because this is where the blog lives right now because ice storms have knocked out my power at my house and I can't print it out. So I'm going to go to the blog here on my phone.

The blog is all about, as we've been talking, this not burning the ships so much as remodeling the ships. Why did we remodel? And there's three points Warwick that we wanted to talk about. And the first one is, we wanted to make clear, that we don't just serve business leaders. Again, it's not that we don't serve business leaders, we do, but it's a both/and, it's business leaders and its personal development. We have to your very excellent point that you've made as we've been talking, we've expanded the vision. How has that developed and what's exciting to you about that development, about that expansion?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. I mean it's well said. I mean, yes, we're happy to in one sense serve individual business leaders, but we're less focused on organizational leadership, which is important. And there's definitely some of that in my book, Crucible Leadership. But we're really focused on individual leadership and just through the stories on our podcast Beyond the Crucible. We really focused on stories of redemption, of forgiveness, people forgiving themselves, forgiving others, which of course as we say does not mean condoning, learning the lessons of their crucible. How do you bounce back from your worst day and lead what we call a significance of life on purpose dedicated to serving others.

So really we're not against business leaders and helping them, but we want to make sure that we want to help every individual who's been through a crucible or as we're saying Second-Act Significance is feeling stuck, and is going through, and is this all there is moment? Want to help them get through those setbacks and challenges, to have a life that's flourishing and feeling with joy and fulfillment, which we believe is ultimately what we call a life significance. Again, a life on purpose, dedicating serving others. So we wanted to help people realize, it's not just about leaders of large businesses and organizations. We want to help all people get beyond their worst day and live a life of significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

And the thing that sticks out for me on that front of a guest who had a physical - she was not a business leader, she had a physical crucible - but the lesson that she shared is something that the head of a Fortune 500 company can apply to his or her own crucible experience. And that's Stacey Copas who said of her becoming paralyzed when she dove into an inground pool, and even though she wasn't supposed to when she was young, she did it anyway. She became paralyzed.

She came after some serious crucibles, drug addiction, just being listless. She viewed what happened to her as a gift, because all the things that developed in her personal life and how she was able to build some new ships wouldn't have happened without that. I think that lesson is true. That lesson can apply to people going through a divorce. This is a gift. I can learn something from this that will make my life better moving forward. That's true both for the individual, who's just trying to live life day-to-day to the business leaders trying to lead 10,000 people in a company, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. It's such a good point, Gary. I mean, Stacey Copas, this Australian woman who dove into a pool and was diagnosed, as a quadriplegic? I'm trying to remember back then.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. It was a paraplegic, I believe.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, paraplegic. Yeah. So that was just amazing because to say what she went through is a gift, I think what she means is, nobody wants to go through something like that, going through that level of crucible. But yet within the pain there is a gift, maybe the hardest, most painful gift you've ever received, but it's something that can make you a better person.

It really focused her on her priorities and it made her a different person as a coach, as a consultant. And a number of folks since have said that and it made me, I guess, grow and expand and refine my own thinking about my own life. We're talking about a vision, expanding, refining and growing. And I never would've said a few years ago, maybe not even a year ago, what I went through was a gift. But now you said what I went through was a gift and it was in some senses I've said deliverance, which is a word I didn't use until about a year ago from almost the bondage of a family business when I was being somebody that I wasn't. I'm now free to be who I am and from my perspective who God designed me to be.

It was a hard gift, but I love what I do now with Beyond the Crucible and trying to help people in every way we can. But yeah, crucibles, they can be a gift, if you allow them to. And that's something that we learned from listening to folks. So that's one of the things I love about Beyond the Crucible is we're continuing to learn and grow, not just the brand, but our own personal knowledge. Just from listening to people's stories.




Gary Schneeberger:

And what that means in the context of this series, BURN THE SHIPS, we'll call it for this episode, *remodel the ships, because we didn't burn any. But we're remodeling it. It's artwork you can use to hang on your walls to remind you of those waypoints that you've found out there. What Stacey Copas said, that was a painting you hung on the wall of your ship as you kept moving forward because that's a reminder of that truth that applies to business leaders and to individuals.

Before we move on to the second point of the blog, is there anything else Warwick that you want to add about this? The first point here that we wanted to make clear that we're not just about business leaders, we're about personal development as well.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. No, other than to say just by saying Crucible Leadership, it created a barrier potentially. People might think, well, I'm not really a leader. And we could say, well, actually, everybody that has a vision coming out of their crucible is a leader because it's you and as you said, leadership from the boardroom to the living room. Now we can say all that, but you don't really get through the wall of people's thinking, of people's perceptions.

You say Crucible Leadership, I'm not a leader. So we don't even get to have the conversation because they stop there. And if they don't get in the door, you can't really have a conversation. So Beyond the Crucible, more help people understand, okay, this is about getting beyond my worst day. Got it. So the word Crucible Leadership from a branding perspective, more than just branding, from allowing people to receive guidance, assistance, help, the word leadership created a wall that maybe some people might not go through because oh, I'm not a leader, that's not for me.

Even though you and I have a different definition of leader, then perhaps some might, some people think, leadership just means leading a big organization, big company, big nonprofit. That's not me therefore, Crucible Leadership can't help me. So there was a perceptual barrier that the word leadership, as much as I believe in leadership and good leadership, that perceptual barrier I think could have prevented people from coming in. That was a big reason for the, or one of the big reasons for the shift.




Gary Schneeberger:

So the second point in the blog is this. We wanted to emphasize our pivot from primarily telling Warwick's story and the stories of other leaders, to helping you live out your story, listener. That really is a critical pivot, that it's beyond just telling stories. We tell stories, but we also offer true aids to help you as you go forward.

Those things have just developed organically as to your point, Warwick, from when you were 15. You wanted to help people. That's what general managers do. They help people. You wanted to do that. It developed naturally the remodeling of the Crucible Leadership ship to the Beyond the Crucible ship really is about recognizing that there are teachable moments within those stories. Let's extract those teachable moments and put them in the arsenal of the folks that we're serving, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean really, you know, the book started with my story, the story of my father, John Fairfax and founder of the media company, stories of historical and inspirational and faith leaders. And with the podcast, some people are well-known, some people are not well-known. They're just regular individuals like Stacey Copas and a number of others. So really it's evolved and we always had principles in Crucible Leadership of refine, design, vision, reality. You're refined by your crucibles, we're designed by God or your creator, have you look at it a certain way, values and beliefs. You can find vision within your crucible and then implement it with fellow travelers, friends, coworkers.

So we always had some concepts, but now we're emphasizing those a lot more so that stories are helpful, but because they illustrate points, but from those stories, we try to share as best we can, moments of inspiration, teaching, nuggets of wisdom, if you will, to the best degree we can, that we have or glean from others. And then turn those stories and those principles of inspiration into practical tools, that ultimately help you implement the learning from the stories and the inspirational points. And really our friends at SIGNAL led by Cheryl Farr, I couldn't really say it any better than what they have on the new tagline for the website and my new business card and your new business card, which says, "Beyond the Crucible, inspiration and tools to turn your trials into triumphs." If you go to the website, I'm sure that'll be all over the place.

Yes, stories are important, but it's not just my story or stories of leaders in history and faith and inspirational. It's everyday stories that we talk about all the time, on the podcast and using those stories and moments of inspiration, thoughts of inspiration, to weave all those into practical tools, to help you get beyond your worst day, to help you lead a life of significance, have a vision that you're passionate about. So it's stories, inspiration and ultimately practical tools to help you live the life you've always wanted to live.




Gary Schneeberger:

And one of the things that we learned, and it was a huge learning, maybe the biggest learning that we'll talk about in this conversation, was just how many people... I mean, you always had, we always had the idea in our heads that you weren't alone. There's a reason why the speech that you gave at church resonated with people even though you said, I don't see a lot of other former media moguls in here. Something resonated with them.

We Crucible Leadership, the name at the time commissioned a study, that's still going on, by Beyond the Crucible that found just how big that pool of folks is who have been through a crucible moment. Talk a little bit about that and what that has meant for the brand first Crucible Leadership and now especially as we begin to sail forward as Beyond the Crucible.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I mean, we commissioned a study from David and Heather at Dark Horse Insights, and they are experts at doing statistically valid surveys. And we've received input from more than 5,200 respondents. 72% of them have experienced something so traumatic or painful that it fundamentally changed their life. And we'll talk more about this another time, but what's amazing is irrespective of demographic or age group, that number holds true, of having gone through a crucible.

It's not like, wow, it's mainly skewed to people over 50 because they've lived a long life and stuff happens. I mean, which it does. There's more opportunity for blessings and more opportunities for crucibles, the longer you live. But what's amazing is it basically says there's over a 70% chance that you, the people that you love, your family, the people that you work through, have gone through a devastating crucible. You may know about it, you may not know about it, but that is part of life.

So when we talk about, how do you bounce back from your worst day, that just doesn't apply to 1% of the population. It's like, everybody else is living in Disneyland, and let's deal with the 1% who have had a challenge. No, when you define it in terms of something so traumatic that have fundamentally changed their life, that doesn't include necessarily the people that we talk about in Second-Act Significance that maybe their life is okay, but it feels like it's black and white and they want technicolor, and it's like they want to go from, is this all there is to this is all I want, which, phrase that you coined. So credit Gary Schneeberger, it's a brilliant phrase.




Gary Schneeberger:

Thank you.




Warwick Fairfax:

But yeah, I mean doesn't even include the Second-Act Significance folks necessarily. So what it says is, this whole concept of coming back from your worst day or challenges, there's a massive need for that. Over 70% of folks have gone through significant challenges.




Gary Schneeberger:

And to your point earlier about maybe the word leadership and Crucible Leadership was a barrier of some sorts to people, Beyond the Crucible perhaps opens up those doors for more of that 72% of the people who've been through that to walk through. The other thing that is critical I think about that data that we commissioned. About 72% people of people have been through what we defined as a crucible experience, is that it now gives us scientifically valid, what they call hard evidence, hard data, of crucible experiences and their effects and how many people go through them.

And then on top of that, we've gained through the podcast going on four years that soft data. So we've got quantitative and qualitative data that speaks to crucible experiences. That Warwick, that is a great big mixing bowl of ingredients to bake a whole lot of tools and helps and efforts and offerings to our friends who are listening now and who have yet to discover us. There's a lot of hope and healing, to your point, to be mined from that data and that it's hard data and soft data, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Absolutely. Well said. Yeah, over 5,000 folks who've responded to the survey that gives its hard data that is quantitative. Exactly. And as the research folks say, we've had like 150 odd episodes probably of, I don't know, 100, 120 guests. I mean a lot of folks. We've got a lot of data in terms of qualitative data, of people's stories. And what is remarkable and we're continuing to do research to refine this. What are the lessons here and how can we design even more tools to help people?

What's remarkable that you and I have discovered on the podcast, is that irrespective of age, gender, race, nationality, background, profession, experience, I mean number of people in the family, any way you slice it, if you will, the commonality in how people both faced the crucibles and how they bounced back is incredibly similar. I mean, it was amazing how I felt like, I and you were able to create personal connections with people that were nothing like us, that had different backgrounds.

You and I obviously have very different backgrounds. Our guests have very different backgrounds, certainly than me. It's just the commonality of making a choice not to let your worst day define you. Forgiveness, not necessarily condoning, but finding those wisdom and seeds of a vision that can help people. The sense that as you focus on helping others, there's almost drops of grace and healing. That's the staggering thing amidst the diversity of background and challenges. The key lessons of how you bounce back from your worst day is incredibly similar, and that just continues to blow me away. I mean, it's just amazing to me.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I continue to love this series BRUN THE SHIPS because I get to come up, like every five minutes, a new metaphor or a new saying that involves ships comes into my head. As we continue sailing, we've got nothing but open water ahead of us now. As we begin to process that data, you'll hear so much more about it listener, about guests we have on the show, about other things that we may be doing to help you process your own crucible experiences. But that data and the diversity of that data, hard data and soft data gives us open sailing to really over the course of the - and I don't say this to be over the top - in the weeks, months and years to come, we have opportunity now to really hone in on some new ways to help you navigate what it means to move beyond your crucible. To find your significance. That's the headline for the old newspaper man out of this discussion.

The third point of our three point blog on this subject is that for the change in brand from Crucible Leadership to Beyond the Crucible. The third point is we wanted to offer you more and deeper opportunities to interact with us. One of the things I love about the name change, Warwick is that Beyond the Crucible bespeaks some action. I mean, my name Gary doesn't have any action. Exciting Gary has some action to it if I change my name.

Beyond the Crucible suggests that if you come alongside us, if you come with us, if we come alongside you, if we partner up, you are going to gain some skills that will help you move Beyond your Crucible. It's a label, yes, but it's a label with some implied action to it that will benefit you. That's one of the things I really love about that.

The other thing that we want to make sure happens here too, is we want to do more things to interact with folks like those who are listening right now. I mean, that's a big part of what we're hoping to do, is to hear more from them and converse more with them and interact more with them and find out more of what they'd like to hear about.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Well said. I think the point that you make is so good. Beyond the Crucible, it's a much more emotive word. It conjures up an image. I mean, humans think in word pictures. You read a book, and images form in your mind about... You create your own movie in a sense, if you're reading a thriller or a romance novel or what have you. So when you hear the words Beyond the Crucible, at least to me in your mind's eye you're thinking of, I'm going to get beyond my worst day, and I'm going to be given tools because this day is not going to define me, I'm going to get Beyond my Crucible.

The image is to me pretty clear. Crucible Leadership, it's a good name, but it doesn't quite have that same action-orientated emotive sense. It's a statement, Crucible Leadership. What does that mean? Well, you have to read the book, or at least the first chapter, to get a bit more of a flavor. Beyond the Crucible, it's clear about what we're promising, what the emotion that's associated with it. It's an action orientated emotive word. Yeah. I mean, we love Beyond the Crucible and expanded from the podcast and now the whole organization.

And the second point you make is as a certified international coach federation executive coach, I actually love dialoguing with people. It's funny. When I give speeches and we've given a bunch of speeches, I was at Seton Hall University in Northern New Jersey last fall, and I gave a talk to some my year at Harvard Business School. Whatever the setting is, my favorite part is when we get questions. I actually love that, that interaction.

So we've done some of that. We did a session with our folks who've purchased our Second-Act Significance e-course. We had a dialogue there. We want to have more dialogues and more opportunity to answer people's questions and really create a dialogue within Beyond the Crucible community. You know why, we're all about answering people's questions, but by helping to answer people's questions, we want to help people implement the learning and truly get beyond their crucible, lead lies and significance. So that dialogue we hope, will really help activate discussions that will help real life change happen.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's where you'll see listener. We had one couple weeks ago, as we're speaking now, a live Q&A where Warwick's available to answer your questions. We'll be looking to do more of those. I mean, one thing that we want to make sure you go away from this episode with, is our email address. If you have any questions for Warwick, any questions for any of us on the team, any questions about what direction we're going, something that you heard on a podcast that you didn't quite understand, whatever the question might be, info@beyondthecrucible.com. Send that along to us.

That's one thing. We're talking a lot about burning ships. Don't burn that address. Write it down. Hang on to it so that you can continue to, as you listen to episodes, as you go through the Discover Your Second-Act Significance course. As questions come to you about how you move beyond your crucible, ask us those questions. We want to engage with you on those subjects. And there'll be more opportunities for that to happen.

I've seen you at those speeches. When people come up and talk to you. I see you light up when that happens. So those Q&A's with the family here at Beyond the Crucible, those folks that we help, those folks that listen to us, that watch us, talking to them more will be just lifeblood to you, won't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Yeah. I love answering people's questions and hearing their heart and yeah, absolutely. I love that interaction.




Gary Schneeberger:

Just to level set where we've been. We've been talking about in the context of our series, BURN THE SHIPS, we've been talking about the new blog that, if not there yet, will soon be at beyondthecrucible.com. About why it is indeed we're called Beyond the Crucible now, not called Crucible Leadership. And the three points that we've gone over for why that change was made.

The first one is we wanted to make clear we don't just serve business leaders. We still do, but it's a both/and. We serve business leaders and we serve people who are leaders as, I'm going to say it again, because this will be the third time I've said it, which is the most times I've ever said it, from the boardroom to the living room. People who are leaders of businesses, but also leaders in their own lives. That's one of the reasons that the name change has happened, that the ship, while not burned, the Beyond the Crucible ship was not burned. It was remodeled, for sure.

We wanted to emphasize and pivot from primarily telling Warwick's story and the stories of other leaders, including those in his own family, to helping you live out your story. I said it before, I'll say it again. That to me is the biggest, most exciting pivot for me is that we're focusing even more on helping you live out your story and how we can help you do that. And then the third point in that blog is we wanted to offer more and better opportunities for you to interact with us.

That's where we've been. Those are the things that led Warwick to make the decision to, in the context of our series, burn the ship, of Beyond the Crucible. He didn't really burn it. He simply remodeled it. We've remodeled it. We've added some new decks. We've put some really great new artwork on the walls. It moves perhaps better. Its navigational systems to get you where you need to go, have been upgraded. Those are the things that we've done to that ship as we continue to move forward.

As we get to the point here, Warwick, where it's almost time to dock, as they say, what is a final thought that you or two that you have that you'd like to leave folks with?




Warwick Fairfax:

I think for those who have visions, it could be, you might think it's big, small. I think any vision is big if it moves your heart. It's not necessarily how many people that you impact or serve. I think you've just got to trust yourself, trust your inner voice, trust if you believe in a spiritual construct, your creator, God, however you look at it. But trust that inner voice, and as passionate as you are about your vision, visions can grow and be refined and change and evolve.

I mean, our vision evolved from Crucible Leadership to Beyond the Crucible. It evolved from an element of organizational leadership, which is fine, to focusing on leaders and individuals at all levels. That focused on stories of redemption, of grace and hope, of not letting your worst day define you, of finding vision, finding hope out of the ashes of your crucible to lead a life of significance. A life on purpose dedicated to serving others.

So our vision has grown, refined and expanded, and don't be afraid of that. It's not easy. When I first heard, gosh, we're thinking of changing from Crucible Leadership to Beyond the Crucible, I got why. But I was like, "Okay, sure. Let me think about it. Let's go." It's like, I like that title. I mean, I wrote a book with the title right there. It's there in print. I'm not going to get a magic marker and cross out, make it Beyond the Crucible. Everybody send me their books back and I'm going to change the title. No.




Gary Schneeberger:

They're going to bookstores and just going over them, yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

Right. No. Not happening. You've got to be willing to listen to yourself, listen to your team, because visions grow and expand. You're not abandoning things. It's more, it is growing and evolving. So yes, there's my story, but I also want to make sure that listeners understand a big part of why we're doing it is not just to let you know, which we want to let you know what we're doing and why, but there's a purpose behind why we're having this discussion in this BURN THE SHIPS series.

Because maybe you don't need to burn your proverbial vision ship, but yes, as Gary said, you might need to do some extensive remodeling. Add decks, artworks, change the size of the ship. I mean, whatever. You've got to be willing to do that, because if you don't, there are opportunities that you may not be taking. It's a way of becoming even more true to yourself. We all should be growing and evolving as human beings. So therefore the things that we do, including our visions, need to grow, expand and evolve.




Gary Schneeberger:

Now, normally I would say the captain's landed the plane, but I'm going to say Warwick Fairfax has just dropped anchor in our ship. The anchor has indeed dropped. As we always do with these discussion, these dialogue episodes that involve a blog that has been written at beyondthecrucible.com, we're going to leave you with some reflection questions, to reflect on what we've talked about here.

First one is, ask yourself this question. In what ways have the resources of Beyond the Crucible helped you? Really do a little audit of that and see in what ways they've helped you, and if you're still struggling with some areas, poke around, ask us what other resources we might have that could help you. Second point is, why are you most interested in learning about how to get beyond your crucible? Jot your thoughts down to ask Warwick or the team in a future live Q&A, or via email. And I'll give you our email address at the end of the third point I'm going to make, which is this.

If you could ask Warwick only one question about his story, and about the offerings of Beyond the Crucible, what would it be? That's interesting. I even want to jump at that one. And I get to ask you questions all the time. Take the time right now. Seriously, we're wrapping the episode. Take the time right now to send the question to info@beyondthecrucible.com. Formulate that question, shoot it to us, and let us do what we said we want to do. Let us engage you in discussion and dialogue to help you move beyond your crucible.

That Warwick I think wraps up our episode. Again, our in the midst of a series called BURN THE SHIPS, and we encourage you if your ship feels like it's drifting off course, if you've lost your way a little bit, you can't find the exact navigation where you are going to go. There's a couple things you can do. What we've done here, what we've talked about here is sometimes you just need to remodel the ship a little bit. Sometimes you need a new deck. You need a new room. You need maybe new personnel, whatever that looks like. Sometimes there's remodeling, but sometimes there is indeed a time to pull out a matchbook, strike a match, and set that ship on fire for the next best ship that you can board. We'll see you next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond the Crucible. Visit our website beyondthecrucible.com to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough. A great place to start, our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward. See you next week.

In this third episode of our winter series BURN THE SHIPS, Darwin Shaw describes how he set fire to a medical career, with the near-guarantees it offered, to pursue acting and the creative joys it offered. Maybe you know him as Daniel Craig’s first kill enroute to double O status in CASINO ROYALE; maybe as the Apostle Peter in the megahit miniseries THE BIBLE. Maybe from his role as a key creator of The Anti-Viral Film Project, an international effort to provide creative work for actors and filmmakers during the pandemic to tell a multi-generational story about families around the globe, who strive for connection and catharsis, against the turmoil of the COVID-19.

“If you can hone in on what’s truthful to you and follow that,” he tells Warwick of his pivot from behind a stethoscope to in front of a camera, “I don’t think you’re ever going to regret it.”

Highlights

Transcript

Gary Schneeberger:

We've seen so much interest in our special 23% off offer for our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, that we're continuing it throughout February. The three module video course will equip you to transform your life from, "Is this all there is?" To, "This is all I've ever wanted." Each session is led by Beyond the Crucible founder, Warwick Fairfax, who shares his own hard won successes in turning trials into triumphs. And he's got some high-powered help from USA Today's gratitude guru, to a runner up on TV's Project Runway. From a recording artist with a billboard number one album, to a couple of bestselling authors.

It's an ensemble of men and women living significant second acts who would command a six figure price tag if any business wanted to fill an auditorium with them to coach their employees. But we've packed their insights and action steps into our course for a sliver of that cost. And if you act before the end of February, you'll get 23% off your enrollment. Just visit secondactsignificance.com and use the code 23for23. So don't delay. Enroll today. And remember, life's too short to live a life you don't love. Now, here's today's podcast episode.




Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Darwin Shaw:

The process of doing it was so fulfilling to me. It was such a mysterious craft. I mean, doctors do incredible jobs and there's lots of very, very smart people in that field. But it was very clear to me the steps you do to become... It's a very clear profession. You need to do this, you need to do this exam, you do this many jobs, you make sure you don't make any mistakes. And if all that goes well, you'll end up... The path to me was like, "Okay. Well, I'd be 30 in my early 30s, and all being, well, I'd be a consultant in a hospital as a surgeon. And then what?" And then I was suddenly exposed to this world which had rules which I'd never understood. And there's people who were not massively educated, who were brilliant. There were people who were super educated, who were brilliant. You work really hard and you were terrible. And it's like, "What is this thing? What is this sort of intangible skill and thing?" And you had this ability to move people and be moved.




Gary Schneeberger:

So what was that intangible thing for this week's guest, Darwin Shaw? You heard him mention the career path he'd envisioned as a doctor, and how he worried he'd end up at the end of that journey saying, "Now what?" But what was the life he found that allows him to move others and to be moved? I am Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. In this third episode of our winter series, Burn the Ships, Shaw describes how he set fire to a medical career, with the near guarantees it offered to pursue acting and the creative joys it offered.

Maybe you know him as Daniel Craig's first kill en route to 00 status in Casino Royale. Maybe as the apostle Peter in the mega hit mini series, The Bible. Maybe from his role as a key creator of The Antiviral Film Project, an international effort to provide creative work for actors and filmmakers during the pandemic to tell a multi-generational story about families around the globe who strive for connection and catharsis against the turmoil of COVID-19. "If you can hone in on what's truthful to you and follow that," he tells Warwick of his pivot from behind a stethoscope to in front of a camera, "I don't think you're ever going to regret it."




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Darwin, thanks so much for being here. You've done a lot of different things from Prince of Persia, Casino Royale, Peter in the Bible, Homeland. You've done a lot of different things. I'd love to kind of just start with your upbringing because as I was looking where you grew up in England, I feel like you're about as far north in England as you can get without hitting Scotland. I mean, it just seems like it's... I don't know, you're probably Manchester, Liverpool, they're all probably south of where you grew up, which is amazing to me having gone to college in England. So tell us a bit about your life growing up in Northern England. And yeah, you've got a fascinating background. So just yeah, tell us a bit about life for you. What was it like?




Darwin Shaw:

Yeah, well I grew up in Leeds, which is not too much further north than the Manchester. But it's a big northern originate, a big industrial town of around a million people. But my grandfather was a parish priest in a very small village, and literally that was 20 miles from the Scottish border. And I was born in a little hospital in a very, very small town called Brampton, whilst my dad was studying and my mom was staying with my grandparents. So I have this kind of a very different two worlds I was in really. One was this sort of rural Itle in the countryside in a world... I don't know if it really exists anymore, but a very small community with one shop, and a little church. And you had to drive 15 miles to get to the nearest city. But then my main life was in Leeds, which was much more of a cosmopolitan but quite brash town in the '70s, which had its own challenges as well.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, and so you have a interesting background, I think from what I understand that your mother was English, but your father had just different heritage from, I guess, grandparents to Kashmir, and Afghanistan Kashmir as listeners, I guess it's in India. But Pakistan and India have been fighting over who owns Kashmir and all of that. So talk about just some of the various elements, because I'm sure that gives you a diversity of perspective, that not everybody you grew up with maybe had, which I think is fascinating.




Darwin Shaw:

No, I mean didn't meet another mixed race person until I went to university. So I spent the whole of my childhood in a place where... There were people from other countries, obviously. England has a very broad history and rich history of immigration. But there wasn't anybody else who was Pakistani-English like myself. Or I think there maybe was one other mixed person I met, but I probably didn't even realize they were... And it was a pretty racist time in history and we had some pretty rough experiences growing up. But my dad was born in India. And at that point Pakistan didn't exist, it was all one country.

And it was when he was young, when he was a very small child that the country was split and their family had to leave. From what I'm told there is palace where they lived in Amritsar in the Punjab where they had I think, 23 servants, this is what we're told. And there's this fascinating story about having to leave all that behind and start afresh in a new place. And that was closer to the border of Afghanistan in a place called Phashai. So my dad was there until was... I think he was 20-21. And then he then decided he wanted to go to America to become a photojournalist. And he left with $1 in his pocket, because that's all you were allowed to take. And traveled by boat. And made his way to the Middle East, and then to England. And his plan was to earn some money to get another boat to America, but never happened. I think he fell in love and made his roots in England.




Warwick Fairfax:

So let's just talk about how all these influences formed together in terms of what you did for a career. You ended up, from what I understand, going to medicine. So how did all that happen? Because it sounds like you weren't necessarily from a family of doctors. How did that happen? All these influences, and your own passions, and desires, how did that lead to medicine?




Darwin Shaw:

Well, my family are all very involved in England's country, which has a very strong history of social consciousness. So both my parents, my father had been a teacher with special needs students. And we also ran a newspaper as a family, a bilingual newspaper, which we all were involved in. My mom, me, my brother were all involved in helping create. And then my mom was a social worker. She also trained as a nurse and a teacher. So she always was working in jobs which would impact on the community. As I said, my grandfather was a priest, my uncle was a priest. And my Pakistani side, there was a sort of somebody who was a doctor, my dad's brother. But it was more about having social responsibility and having to live a life which was of service. And that was very much fed through. And when I was a child, I think I drew a picture when I was seven years old of a doctor flying over a jungle in a helicopter, hanging out on a rope with a stethoscope around his neck.

So I had this idea, I don't know where I picked it up from, possibly my mother, that I wanted to be this sort of flying doctor who came in and had some impact. Perhaps looking back on it, maybe the flying over a jungle and a helicopter was the bit which my soul was really pointing towards. But no, I always had that sense. I was very involved in politics growing up. And then when I went to university, I studied medicine. I was still very politically active. And I also did another degree in tropical medicine and parasitology. And again, that was all pointing towards working in emergency medicine, in aid medicine. And I never had any doubt that's what I was going to do.




Warwick Fairfax:

Why medicine versus a dozen other opportunities that you could have pursued? All of them probably pretty good opportunities or paths.




Darwin Shaw:

Yeah, I think part of it was probably ego. I probably felt that was I quite... We had state education, we didn't have any private... I mean, there were private schools around, but I just went through the state system. I was fortunate enough to have a supportive family who made sure I did my homework and I obviously had some natural aptitude. So I think for me, it was a combination of I wanted to make a difference. This was something which was clear, it was a clear path to doing something. Obviously, my parents supported that desire. But it wasn't like today where you have the internet and there were lots of options. I mean, growing up in a northern town, it was like either you're going to be a plumber, or a teacher, or you're going to work in a shop. Or maybe if you were lucky, you would go to university and you may have some other grander idea. I mean, certainly being a doctor seemed like a pretty impressive thing in the world that I grew up with.

And for me, it was very much about, I was brought up in a family, which was a very strong family unit. And I really wanted to break away from that and be the master of my own fate. Well, there's several things. There was one, that it was clear you could become a doctor, and then you could support yourself, and you could make a difference directly. And this would lead to all these other opportunities within medicine. Hopefully, I'd be able to come and go around the world and have some impact. But also within that, I was also like, oh, I can go to study for six years. And that's six years of traveling. Six summer vacations and I can travel around the world for six years.

And I didn't know where I was going to end up at when I started. But when I first went to London for one of my interviews, and I walked down the strand in Central London, suddenly my eyes were open to a big cosmopolitan and capital city. And I think that really widened my horizons. And in combination with the travel I was starting to do throughout my late teens, suddenly the world seemed a big place. And in a way, I was very, very fortunate because being accepted to study as a doctor, it meant you just knew you had a path which was there for you, as long as you put the work in and were able to apply yourself. In your early 20s, it was a very clear direction. And we were pretty hands-on within around the third year, fourth year we were there working training, but also interacting with patients. And you were aware that what you were doing mattered, I think.




Warwick Fairfax:

Talk about just the whole, that medical side. I think you worked as an orthopedic surgeon, Doctors Without Borders. So just talk a bit about that whole journey that you took.




Darwin Shaw:

Well, I trained at Kings College London, and we basically did two years of very old school science. We were the last year that did the real pure biochemistry, anatomy, everything we know. We did all the dissection of our own cadavers and all this other stuff. Then I did a year as a training in this tropical medicine researching a parasite called leishmania. So I was growing these little microscopic parasites in the lab in Kensington. And Friday night I would be coming out lab at midnight sort of smelling of formaldehyde, and stuff.




Gary Schneeberger:

That must have helped your love life a lot, right?




Darwin Shaw:

Oh, yeah. That's what every young woman wants, is a man who smelled formaldehyde, I tell you.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah.




Darwin Shaw:

But that's fun of me. I look back on those days, it seems another world. And after I graduated, I was fortunate enough to get my two jobs working in the hospital where I trained. So I did a bit of respiratory medicine and a bit of general surgery with orthopedics. And it was at after that stage where my path started to veer off. But I still continued for a few years of doing a little bit of both working in the ER. Mainly in the ER, I'd say that was my... It's a little grand of me to say I was a surgeon, but I was certainly a junior member of the team there. And I did get to do a bit of operating a few times. But I was still very much a baby in the profession.




Warwick Fairfax:

From what I understand, you were orthopedic surgeon and you wanted to get an ER surgical job, but that didn't happen. I mean that seemed like a big change for you that maybe changed the course of your life. So just talk about how that moment and how medicine was where you were spending your whole efforts and life, but yet that changed. How did that all happen?




Darwin Shaw:

Well, for me, I applied... Again, you're saying these titles, they sound a lot grander than they were. I mean, I was a young resident and I had been working in orthopedics. And I applied for this wonderful job, under the auspices of this really, really brilliant professor called Professor Webster, who was an... I'm not sure if he would still be alive right now, but he was a real character, a pioneer in his field, really. I think he was part of that... More part of the old school of intellectuals. He wrote his own neuroanatomy book for us, and he had five languages in it. So he would annotate stuff in Latin, German, French, probably some of the language, knowing him with quotes from literary legends. And of course, we were part of the new breed of slightly less esoteric doctors, so most people thought he was crazy, but I adored him.

Anyway, he said to me that he would give me this job in the ER department. But not the one I wanted. Not the one with the extra anatomy demonstration, which I'd be teacher part-time. Because that was for people who were basically way smarter than me and who'd come out of Cambridge and Oxford. But he said, "Look, I'll give you this sort of slightly less but still brilliant job working in the King's casualty department," which was one of the biggest in Europe and an incredible institution. So it was a great honor to be offered that job. But he said, "I'll give it you in six months time because there's only six posts here, and they're kind of already all gone. So go and do something else for six months, go and explore a different aspect of medicine," because in England that's how they do it. You basically do six months in all different specialties until you've done every specialty, and then you decide which one you're going to focus in on.

And it was at this point I'd been... I had some friends who were musicians and a friend who was a poet who told me I should read this book called The Artist's Way. And I also had a friend who had been working in New York in Wall Street, who'd just come back. And he basically had said to me, "Look, I think you'd have a great time in New York, I think you'd love it." And for some reason I'd had this weird sense in my mind that I might be able to write or something. And I decided that I was going to go for six months to New York, and write something, and read this book called The Artist Way, which I still have my copy of here.




Gary Schneeberger:

There you go.




Darwin Shaw:

Yeah. Yeah. So within a week of this decision, I thought, well, I'm just going to go to New York. And I went there and started with no real plan other than this book and a backpack. And started following this course of creativity, really. And this book called The Artist's Way, written by Julia Cameron, really is a guide to having a more creative life. And through doing that, I found myself within three weeks in an acting class. That really changed my life.

My parents were getting separated that time, so I think... Well, they'd just been a couple years separated and it was quite traumatic for everyone. And there was something about exploring creativity, which is very therapeutic to go into an acting training. I believe, to be a good actor... Well, that's not the only way to be honest. But there is one school of thought, is that you need to understand yourself in order to play other people. If you don't resolve some of your own subconscious psychological issues, they're always going to leach out when you perform another character. Obviously, there are some actors who that wildness or that angst informs all their characters, and people make great careers out of there. But in terms of becoming a blank canvas to explore other people, you kind of need to get rid of the scum from your own brain.




Warwick Fairfax:

Makes a lot of sense. So it's fascinating. Here your professor, professor Webster said, you go through all these specialties, explore another medical specialty for six months. And you decided to take a different path. You didn't explore another medical specialty, you explored acting. There must have been... And I know from what I understand, you went on to LAMDA, the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts, and went on to acting. But that's a fascinating pivot point, because you'd focus on the helping professions, and medicine. Was there some inner voice, still small voice, something deep within you that was calling? I mean, it's a pretty big pivot. I mean, it's the kind of thing that in some families that say, "What the heck are you doing, Darwin? It's a good profession, medicine, and you're going to do this acting thing, which is a lot more uncertain potentially?" I mean there's all sorts of streams and currents that you could have had to deal with. So just talk about that. That's a big change, a big pivot. So yeah, please.




Gary Schneeberger:

Let me set it up before you go, Darwin, let me set it up in the context of this series called Burn the Ships. And you didn't just burn the ships, man, you burned like a fleet. From going from doctor, where you done all of the, people would say, the hard work. You had your education, you said yourself that next in your career would've been kind of learning how to do it. So some of the hard work was already done, that road had been covered. To go into acting, which you don't start at the top there, you start at lower levels. So that was an incredible burn the ships moment where you made that pivot. There had to be some really... I mean that book really must have touched you. The people that you were with in New York must have really motivated you. But what led you to strike the match, and burn the medical ships, and go into acting? That is a remarkably strong pivot. How did you muster the strength to do that?




Darwin Shaw:

Well, I mean, there's a good story, but too long to share here about actually how I found myself in my first acting class. But the experience was of being on stage for the first time with a very inspirational teacher, his name's Bruce Ornstein, who still teaches in New York today. There was just something about the moment of stepping on stage in this little classroom with 12 people watching. Something just resonated. I stood on stage, I did this exercise for one minute, which was called six characters in a minute. And every 10 seconds he clapped his hands and I had to change character. And I was awful. I mean, I can't even imagine what it was like. But the thrill of it was incredible. And also, a lot of it was down probably to Bruce's teaching because he really talked about your responsibility as an artist, as an actor, to be paying attention to the world. And to pay attention to what was around you because you have a responsibility to be a mirror to society in a way.

It was a very different way of thinking. Looking back it sounds like a big change, but for me it wasn't really a choice. I was like, I just knew I had to do this. I didn't even have a concept of making a career in it. I didn't think that was even a... I mean, as a kid, I actually did a little bit of acting and I always really enjoyed it. And I think after I did change, I spoke to a very old friend from school. And she said, "You always wanted to be an actor," but I had no memory of that. I remember when I got my first job so many years later, it was an extraordinary realization. And again, you have pre-mobile phones and pre-internet. It's not like I had this desire to be... It feels like anyone can become Insta-famous now. I was probably like you guys. I grew up and there was Harrison Ford. And there was these John Gielgud, and there's these greats of...

I've got into theater a lot more as an older person, but it was such a world away. I didn't imagine that it was something that I would be able to do. But I just knew that I had to explore this experience of being an actor. And it wasn't about money. I mean, just literally the process of doing it was so fulfilling to me. It was such a mysterious craft. I mean, doctors do incredible jobs, and there's lots of very, very smart people in that field. But it was very clear to me the steps you do to become... It is a very clear profession.

You need to do this, you need to do this exam, you do this many jobs, you make sure you don't make any mistakes. And if all that goes well, you'll end up... The path to me was like, "Okay, well I'd be 30 in my early 30s. Now, all being, well, I'd be a consultant in a hospital as a surgeon. And then what?" And then I was suddenly exposed to this world which had rules which I'd never understood. There are those people who were not massively educated, who were brilliant. There were people who were super educated, who were brilliant. You'd work really hard and you were terrible. And it's like, "What is this thing? What is this intangible skill and thing?"

So you had this ability to move people and be moved. And it was like a coming of age and I was starting to really work out what my identity was. Again, I guess we still struggle with that all our lives, but it was a step of self-exploration, self-examination. And it was thrilling because it was so against everything that I had grown up, the structure of what I'd been around. And everyone thought I was crazy. And I probably was, I probably have.




Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, I can imagine parents, family, they thought, "You're doing what?" I mean, any family would. But what's fascinating to me about what you're saying, Darwin is, and I think there are lessons really for all listeners, is it felt like there was this inner voice. Now some maybe think it's from a spiritual direction, inner muse. One can have theological metaphysical discussions about where that comes from. But wherever it does, there was this inner voice, I felt like saying, Darwin, "this is what you were made for. You were made for acting." There's something about it that resonated to the depths of your soul. Nothing against the medical profession, and yet from what your teacher was saying in New York, it felt like there was still a social consciousness part of acting. It was just a different form of social consciousness. Is that fair? It felt like you'd found kind of calling, but you weren't abandoning your sense of try to help humanity in some sense.




Darwin Shaw:

No, definitely. And I mean, it's always hard to unpick what is actually true and what is my justification for my life choices. What I do know is representation on screen is incredibly important. And I had an inkling of this when I was starting out, because I was one of a very small number of people of color entering the acting field. And I mean, there was quite a little bit of racism in medicine at the time. And being mixed race, and being well-spoken, and quite erudite, I was able to kind of negotiate it. But I was very aware of it around me and I knew there was people, there was glass ceilings, and there was definitely people getting different levels of care.

And I realized that if I was going to stay in medicine, I would have to address that. And then when I started being an actor, I was like, "Oh, this is great. We're all accepted. And fantastic. We all have an equal choice." And of course, as you suddenly start getting a bit further down that road, and you get your first audition and it's like, "Oh well, it's to play a terrorist." And then you get your second one and it's like, "Oh, it's to play a terrorist." And then five years later you are still being either forced playing people... It started off being forced into arrange marriages or it was terrorism. And that really did feed my mission really, which was... Of course, was the personal desires to actually go out and play important roles, but also representation. I didn't see any... I mean, there was two actors, there was Ben Kingsley, there was Omar Sharif, a couple of other actors who were visible on the world stage. But I hadn't seen any heroic guys, or people who look like me.

And Islamic terrorism was developing around the world with ISIS. And there was some homegrown terrorism as well. It was very clear to me that a lot of these people were reacting in part because they didn't feel part of society. They didn't feel represented. They were linking onto bad ways of being, because people were offering them some sort of sense of self. And for me, I suddenly was like, I want to make a difference. I want to be out there playing characters where young kids who look like me or similar to me would be like, "Oh, I could be this. I could be whatever it may be." And one of the great joys of my professional career was when I got to the chance to play St. Peter, because I was somebody who probably looked more similar to St. Peter than many other representations of him.

And I was once in Singapore and I was taken to this Easter service in this church. And they played a whole sort of montage of different biblical stories. And I was sitting there with my friend. And I looked up and I sort of saw myself playing St. Peter on the screen there. And I'm like, here I am in... Sorry, I was in Taiwan. In Taiwan and this whole society is now seeing St. Peter, not sort of like a white Caucasian guy from America or England, but someone who actually looks like someone from the Middle East where he came from. And over the years, many, many messages from people around the world who really responded to that portrayal, that character, that story I was telling. On some level, I think that does make a change because people are associating someone of color with someone who's a pious, incredible apostle from the history of the church. And I think that is really important for people to change and to accept difference.

And I think that has become, as a filmmaker now, as well as an actor, one of my missions is about diversity and telling stories which... And I think the world has caught up very, very rapidly. I mean the landscape is very different now than it was 10 years ago, or even five years ago. And I haven't necessarily been a huge part of that change, but I've been part of that change. There's been people like me who've pushed those boundaries and started to do that. And I think that's part of the process, part the journey.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have to jump back to St. Peter because that's where we met. Yeah, we met in Los Angeles, Darwin when I was doing film publicity. And you were in the Bible mini series to this day, the bestselling mini series ever on DVD. You were Peter in that series. And we worked closely together. And yes, you did indeed change the... You weren't some method actor from Brooklyn who was jumping in playing Peter. You were someone who looked what that part was like. But you were also someone who really felt that part, who really... I was with you as you sort of dug into what it meant to play that part. And Warwick, it's funny, we talk on the show a lot. I give you grief about, "Hey, we've had 27 guests from Australia." Darwin is the second guest we've had, who's had dinner at my house. So back when we were in LA, Darwin had dinner at my house.

But there's a story, I bring that up only to tell this story because it gets to Darwin, not to embarrass you, but what a good actor you are. And that is, you may not even remember this, you came over with Sebastian Knapp who played the Apostle John. I had a copy because Mark Burnett and Roman Downey who produced the Bible series and made a movie of it called Son of God. And you hadn't seen it yet. I had a copy of that we watched that movie afterwards. And while it was playing, I looked over at you and Sebastian. And both of you were on-screen, but also in my living room, and you guys were moved by what you saw. And I remember saying, "These two guys are in that scene. Nothing is something they haven't seen that they haven't experienced before, but their performance moves them," which speaks to the power of the story, but also the power of your acting.

So not that anyone can judge it was the right move to burn the ships, that's up to you to decide that. But what you've contributed to the art form that you've taken both in that work in the Bible series 10 years ago, and what you're doing now with The Antiviral Film Project, society has indeed benefited by that.




Darwin Shaw:

Oh, well thank you. Yeah, it's very sweet of you to say. I think you could say it's also we're both egocentric actors seeing ourselves, we were moved by it. No. But no, that is true. I mean, I think when you are playing a part of something which is so important in the history of western culture. And so many people around the world obviously care, and lives are shaped by some of these characters, there is a responsibility to try and find a way of truth, to try and represent these characters, these people as best you can. And it was a very deeply spiritual experience.




Warwick Fairfax:

So talk about how you moved into this latest project, The Antiviral Film Project, which happened during COVID, and that's sort of an amazing mission. You talk about themes of separation, connection, emergence, 24 short films, 24 filmmakers, 24 global communities. So just talk about that vision, because I have a feeling that's really part of your ethos of just trying to bring people together, and tell just diverse stories from countries all over the world. So it feels a bit like a combination of who Darwin Shaw is and what you believe in to a degree. Would you say that?




Darwin Shaw:

I mean, think so. One of the things which is very frustrating as an actor is you have to wait for other people to give you a job. As a painter, you can go into your room and paint. But you can't sit around in your own room and just act by yourself. It's very much a community and it's about... You do need an audience, whether that be a camera or a live audience. And a certain point I think you either give up as an actor because you get to an age where you're supporting over a family and you can't do it just... Very few people are actually able to keep doing that. Or you basically decide that you want to make the parts that you want to perform in or you want to see out there. And I was in the process of doing that when the pandemic happened. And suddenly, everything that I'd spent the last three years writing in order to try and get that made, suddenly the pandemic happened. And I was like, well, that's not going to happen now.

And it was really sitting down in a bit of a panic really, because a lot of our friends were just calling and what are we going to do? How are we going to... All our means of survival are disappearing. And we don't know how long this is going to last. But when it does, there'll be a lot of famous, more experienced actors out there who will be taking up all the work. So we're probably not going to work for a couple of years. There's is going to be people who will take jobs that wouldn't normally do because they haven't worked for a long time. And producers will be able to get a name to play a part, which prior to the pandemic, they wouldn't do. And so I just was thinking how does one create out of this situation when you can't leave your house?

And what I realized was that for the first time in living history, the entire global population was facing in the same direction, and facing the same challenges. So what was happening to a mother in The Gambia, was the same experience as in Belarus, but just in a different context. And we were all having to face this uncertainty. And it didn't matter what your socioeconomic situation was, it's a great leveler. So to me, this provided an incredibly interesting backdrop in order to tell stories, because we were all starting to connect with Zoom and that whole adage of six degrees of separation. But we were now six feet separated, but we were less than six degrees connected. You could be speaking to people... Because everyone is at home. We could call up somebody and say, "Look, I want to speak to this person."

And people who probably wouldn't have given you the time of the day were like, "Well, I'm just here having a martini at home with my kids. I'll give them 10 minutes to talk." So what we decided was we could reach out to all our connections around the world, and go to different countries, and work with writers to develop stories from their communities based on something that was actually happening. Or a story which they'd been inspired to from something they'd experienced. And then we could get little micro, what we call, satellite production teams in each country. And they would shoot this little piece in sort of three to five days. So we'd be able to get round the having. Because to shoot a feature film would never be possible because of COVID. If one person gets sick, the whole production closes down.

Whereas if you came and did it in three days with very small crews, you probably could get away with it. That was our thoughts. And then what we'd be able to do is take all these stories and piece them together to create this cinematic journey around the world. So each story would be... We'd create it, so they linked in with each other visually. And we'd have Easter eggs, which were in different stories. So there would be links of characters, which were quite sort of spurious, but if you really paid attention, you'd be able to spot them. And what we do is we try and get this made. And little did we know that was quite a large undertaking. But we did manage to shoot our first film in Denmark and we created this beautiful story written and directed by an actor turned director called Thomas Levin.

And it's this incredible story of a neuro-diverse child and his friendship with a school janitor during lockdown. We then did a big fundraiser here in LA and we raised about $80,000. And we flew into South Africa onto a rhino reservation, and we shot this whole conservation piece, this anti-poaching piece about the safety of rhinos, and sort of women's empowerment story in the Xhosa community. And we're just in the final stages of post-production on that. And we're hoping that these two stories will provide a great example of what we can put together. And we have this whole bank of about 40 other stories which we can choose from, which we would love to make next. So we are now in the process, once we finish this, of trying to raise financing so we can actually go out and make this in a more efficient manner.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow. So as you think about The Antiviral Project, what's your mission or what's the vision of this? What's the why behind - why you're doing this? What's the impact you hope that this will have on people?




Darwin Shaw:

The best way of dissolving boundaries is if you stop seeing other people as different. If you see differences as not being other, but as just another reflection of the mirror. And these stories are all really beautiful little tales of family. Yeah, this really universal themes of people wanting a better future for their families. People dealing with the modern world. We have stories about two boys who love soccer in The Gambia. We have a story about gang violence in South Africa from these gangs who'd been fighting for 36 years. And they turned their drug runs into ways of feeding the community during the pandemic. We have stories which are about police violence in Romania against the Romani community. We have a love story set in Egypt in the trans community. And then you just suddenly realize this, the world is rich and we are all going through similar experiences.

And I guess the mission behind it, the why is that we need to really start working together as a species. And we're not going to stop fighting immediately, but we are stronger as one. I mean, I think that's a very simple thing. And there is nothing more profound than making a difference to another person. If you can affect one person in your life, whether it be in your family or outside of it, that is the most nurturing thing. And it doesn't matter how many dollars you have in the bank, it's not going to ever touch that. Nobody has engraved on their headstone, "Here lies Joe Bloggs. He earned $5 million in his life." I mean, I've never seen that.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, that's a point that Warwick has made many times here on the show. And that sound that you heard, listener, was the captain turning on the fasten seatbelt sign indicating that we're about to begin our dissent to end this episode of Beyond The Crucible and our series, Burn the Ships. Before we do that though, I've got to throw a couple more things at my friend Darwin here. One, Darwin, you are the answer to a trivia question as you well know. Folks, if anybody ever asks you, what actor was Daniel Craig's first kill as James Bond in his journey to 00 status? The answer to that question is the actor, Darwin Shaw. If you remember that scene in the bathroom in Casino Royale, that was Darwin who was on the losing end of that. So that's a good trivia question for you.

And the second thing, my favorite role that you've ever done, Darwin, and I say this as a man who has in his office four autographed pictures of actors, Al Pacino, Bruce Willis, Robert Duvall, and Darwin Shaw. Those are only four actors who I have autographed photos of in my office because you are a good... I'm still mad that you didn't get an Emmy nomination for The Bible. But I'll say this-




Darwin Shaw:

Well, thank you.




Gary Schneeberger:

... And then I'll kick it back to Warwick. My favorite acting role of yours was how generous you were with your time and your talents when I asked you to do the narration for the video for my wedding to my wife Kelly now almost seven years ago. And you knocked it out of the park and like a true actor, you ad-libbed, which I loved, which was fabulous. So thank you for that. Thank you for your friendship.




Darwin Shaw:

My pleasure.




Gary Schneeberger:

Thank you for what you're doing with The Antiviral Film Project. And let people know quickly how they can find out more about it and help out online.




Darwin Shaw:

Yeah, I mean, you can follow us on the social media, The Antiviral Film Project, or just go to my Instagram @darwinius. We have a website, which is sixfeetfilms.com. But if you just Google, Antiviral Film Project, it'll all pop up there.




Gary Schneeberger:

Awesome. Warwick, as always, as host of the show, the last question is yours.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Darwin, thanks so much for being here and just your whole life and journey is so inspiring. There may be listeners today, hopefully, who are socially conscious that want to make the world a better place. Maybe they're just going down some profession because their mom, dad, parents, teachers, said to go down this profession. And it's okay. But they feel like maybe they were made for something more. Maybe there does need to be more unity, more maybe diversity of voices. So for those who might be listening that they have a social consciousness, perhaps they want to do good in the world, but they're just... I don't know, they're kind of just rolling along in life, not really taking control. What would a word of hope, encouragement, or perhaps exhortation you would have to listeners such as that?




Darwin Shaw:

I mean, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to say this, but I certainly found that doing The Artist's Way and the morning pages, the journaling every morning, really helps you tune into your inner voice. And I think there's a lot of noise out there. I suffer from it as much as anyone else. There's the day-to-day panic about financial security and surviving. I wouldn't give it up for a steady job again. So I think it's about tuning into your inner voice. And I find that the process of journaling a really good way because you start to... Essentially, it is a process of free writing, of just writing everything in your brain down in the morning. And you realize that a lot of the nonsense there is kind of stuff which just gets repeated and you suddenly go, "Well, if I just deal with that nonsense, I'm going to open up a bigger space for some of the things which was really important to me."

And whether that be an artistic pursuit or just something personal or family, it's about really connecting and... I mean, I think meditation people have a great success of that too. If you can hone in on what is truthful to you and follow that, I don't think you're ever going to regret it. You might be like, "Well, I wish I had this, or I had that." But you can always come back to the fact that you are making that decision and that was what your heart was telling you. Maybe it's naive, I don't know. But at least the buck stops with me. I can't complain to anyone else about the state of my life.




Gary Schneeberger:

Listeners, I've been in the communication business long enough to know when the last word has been spoken on an issue, and we just heard the director yell, cut. That's the end of our episode. And on this episode of Burn the Ships for Beyond The Crucible. And remember this, that if it feels like your ships have drifted off course a little bit. If, as you're sailing along, and you look on the horizon, and you see things like Darwin's talking about that maybe appeal to you, bring your heart alive in a different way. Light a match. We'll see you next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond The Crucible. Visit our website, beyondthecrucible.com to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough. A great place to start, our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward. See you next week.

What do you do when the normal tools you use to navigate life no longer work? When the ships that have taken you to a crossroads – or maybe a crosswaters – in your life are smoldering? According to our guest this week, Finnian Kelly, you set sail in a new craft to a new destination: intentionality.

In this second episode of our winter series BURN THE SHIPS, Kelly discusses how all the success he chased, and caught – a prestigious military career, top-shelf entrepreneurship, star of a National Geographic channel documentary – eventually failed him. Because he had never cared for the wounded soul he suffered as a boy, his world crashed around him in the wake of a difficult divorce and a significant business failure. That’s when he finally did the inner work necessary to allow him to move on to a life of authentic purpose. And he’s not taking that journey alone, but helping others to also live in the now and get on their own unique path to significance.

Highlights

Transcript

Gary Schneeberger:

We've seen so much interest in our special 23% off offer for our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, that we're continuing it throughout February. The three module video course will equip you to transform your life from, is this all there is, to, this is all I've ever wanted. Each session is led by Beyond the Crucible founder Warwick Fairfax, who shares his own hard won successes in turning trials into triumphs. He's got some high-powered help from USA Today's Gratitude Guru, to a runner up on TV's Project Runway, from a recording artist with a Billboard number one album, to a couple of bestselling authors.

It's an ensemble of men and women living significant second acts who would command a six figure price tag if any business wanted to fill an auditorium with them to coach their employees. But we've packed their insights and action steps into our course for a sliver of that cost and if you act before the end of February, you'll get 23% off your enrollment. Just visit secondactsignificance.com and use the code 23FOR23. Don't delay. Enroll today, and remember, life's too short to live a life you don't love. Now, here's today's podcast episode.




Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Finnian Kelly:

It was a really challenging time where it was just getting through each day was hard enough because all my normal drivers, they were stripped away because I knew the illusion, the illusion had masked and they were like, "That's not going to work this time." Like going in, distracting yourself, going in, focusing on business, traveling, I knew none of it was going to work. So then I even felt even more alone and even more hopeless because my normal drivers, my normal tools, were outside. They were no longer relevant.




Gary Schneeberger:

What do you do when your normal tools are no longer relevant? When the ships that have taken you to a crossroads or maybe a cross waters in your life are smoldering? According to our guests this week, Finnian Kelly, you set sail in the new craft to a new destination. Intentionality. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. In this second episode of our winter series, Burn The Ships, Kelly discusses how all the success he chased and caught a prestigious military career, top shelf entrepreneurship, star of a National Geographic channel documentary eventually failed him because he had never cared for the wounded soul he suffered as a boy. His world crashed around him in the wake of a difficult divorce. That's when he finally did the inner work necessary to allow him to move on to a life of authentic purpose. And he's not taking that journey alone, but helping others to also live in the now and get on their own unique path to significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Finnian, thanks so much. And Finnian, as you'll hear his accent is a fellow Australian from Tasmania. I understand. So kind of island off the southeast coast of Australia. Not quite as many people in that state as some others, but a beautiful state, mountains and hiking and just a beautiful corner of the world. But Finnian, I love what you do with Intentionality, but you had an interesting upbringing and the way you described it on your website, you're a really good writer. I love the phrases you use, it's just so intriguing. So just tell us a bit about how you grew up and it set you on a certain path that maybe in hindsight wasn't quite as helpful, but looking back at it. But just tell us a bit about going up in Tasmania, family and just the path that you set yourself on, if you will.




Finnian Kelly:

I will. Well, thanks Gary and Warwick for having me. I'm excited about this. And Warwick, I'm interested to see how our Australian accents will start morphing back to Australian because we're both in America and it's sort of after a period of time with some other Australians we're like, "All right, here comes our language again, our slang. So let's see how we go.




Warwick Fairfax:

There you go.




Finnian Kelly:

Go. Yeah. So I grew up in Tasmania. I was actually born in Sydney, grew up in Tasmania to very different individuals. And they're are very important part of my story because you can see if you can think about living with intentionality, I don't think they parented with intentionality. It was a very different approach. They were doing the best they could and it drove me to really start thinking about my independence at a very young age. I had a pivotal moment on my 10 year old birthday, which was the moment where effectively I split into parts. We've heard a lot of this part language and internal family systems, how we have these different elements of ourselves, which are formed over time, often to protect ourselves. When we're young, we are not in a place where our conscious mind is developed enough to identify that, well, the way they're behaving actually has nothing to do with you.

It's all about their own issues and it feels too grand to process on your own. So they form a protector and an event occurred, which I felt that I'd lost all trust in my parents, and I didn't know at the time, but I created a core belief that I was going to be abandoned. So my protector kicked in and just said, "All right, if you are going to be abandoned, you can't trust your parents. You're going to be a very independent person from a young age." So straight away I started earning money, created a plan on how to get myself into a school, which was a private school where I identified that their families had a bit more connection and perhaps I could go right on their journey and resulted me being the youngest person to graduate from a school youngest army officer in Australia.

And it just set off this sort of chain of progress, achievement. I had a lot of success as an entrepreneur and you get celebrated on that journey. People keep saying, you get recognized with awards, I've done a lot of cool stuff. And it literally, it always comes crashing down if your core program is built on fear. And my core program was built on fear, which was abandonment. So effectively one day I woke up at 32 with everything around me being abandoned. And that was my real crucible moment where I went, "Okay, this isn't working anymore. I have to unlock this inside of myself. I have to explore what faulty coding I have inside of me and I have to go, "Okay, I have to take responsibility for my actions, but I didn't code this. Someone else coded this inside of me and it's time to take back control of my operating system and code myself with the beliefs that's going to serve me from now on."" And that's been really my path to Intentionality.




Warwick Fairfax:

As I mentioned, I love some of the phrases that you use on your website. I love how you say I needed to learn independence so I chose a farm and Tasmania and parents who didn't care too much about what I did or achieved, as you talk about a sort of, I made their lack of interest mean they didn't love me. Not to say that they didn't, but we interpret messages in ways that may be true or not true.

You talked about feeling abandoned and lacking. And then I find this phrase fascinating, a couple phrases. You said, "I tried to fill that hole in the only way I understood it through the achievement of external things." And you say this. "And so I began my life of chasing and the process, I forgot who I was." So talk about how somehow that sense of abandonment or lack of love or however, whether it's real or not real, that’s how you interpret it, that was your reality, which is really the important thing. So talk about how that morphed into achievement of an external things and chasing, because it feels like for part of your life, it was the external and the chasing that was who Finnian Kelly was, right?




Finnian Kelly:

Yeah, you're right. And I don't believe it was who I was. In my core fundamental essence, it was a reaction to an experience. And I'm really glad you picked up on the interpretation. People often they hear my story and then they make it about their story, but they don't realize it's an interpretation. And that's all that really matters is it's never about the facts. It's never about the story. It's never the content. How did you experience this? What are your feelings? And it's something that is done really poorly in relationships. We never just acknowledge that the other person is feeling this way. We get too caught into the content. So I'm just glad that you picked up on that. So for me, ultimately what happened is I didn't have a home. I didn't feel a foundation. Yes, there was a physical home, but to me, home is safety, it's love, it's nourishing, it's the ability to be grounded and trust.

And if I didn't have that, then it's a very, it's almost like you're an orphan, you feel disconnected. So what I would do was, well, in order to mask the really unpleasant sensations of actually the gravity of that situation, I went, "Well, I don't need that." So what did I do? I created a life where I did anything but home. I joined the army, traveled around the world, constantly jumping from one thing to the next, never bought a home, any of these things because if I actually went and claimed a home, then it potentially could be taken away from me. And that had already happened once. So I never wanted that possibility again. So that's where it really set off that thing of success because it was a way to distract myself from my core feelings because it was actually too hard to face, to actually identify that this who I actually believe I'm a very loving, kind boy and not being fully accepted or understood or seen, which are the core desires of humans, is to feel seen and understood.

That was confronting. So I just did everything to distract myself. Now it's not saying that wasn't the right path for me, it was actually my path to my spiritual awakening. It's just many different paths and I would love the people to identify this earlier on and actually acknowledge their feelings and then work through it. Because you can do a lot of damage to yourself and to others in that time and you don't always wake up from your crucible moment as well. I think you've probably experienced that with yours. It's a pretty tough time. And yes, it can be an incredible catalyst for growth. It can also be a catalyst for destruction. It can be something that you just never recover from and your soul just goes, all right, next lifetime will. We'll do it next time.




Warwick Fairfax:

And that's so true. I love this image. I know you're sort of army background. And just for American listeners, when you say you went to Duntroon, that is the US equivalent of West Point. It's a big deal. It's the elite army military college, you founded a couple businesses. One, I think you sold for seven figures. You were really, really successful in everything you did and was truly impressive.

But I have this image of this ship being unmoored. It's like going to port is not safe. You got to keep cruising at as high a rate of knot as you possibly can. If you pause and go to port and have to think about a home, bad things will happen because you'll have to confront feelings that you don't want to. I'm not saying that's right necessarily, but that was your reality of constantly chasing and moving and charging so you don't have to think about home or some of these feelings. It's a lot of people kind of stuff it, push the feelings under and just go forward and don't think just move because thinking is too painful. Is that feeling somewhat your reality at the time?




Finnian Kelly:

And I've actually just changed that language. It wasn't that thinking is too painful, it's feeling is too painful. So instead we avoid the feeling and then we actually think, we ruminate and we distract ourselves and go onto these coded belief loops, which is ultimately my work now is helping people identify these coded negative belief loops and how to rewire them. And I think what's interesting about my story is when people hear this sort of chasing success, they think it's all about the materialism side of things. I wasn't driven by materialism at all. It was never about that. It was just how could I feel like I'm doing something that makes me feel valued? Because my core is I didn't feel valued. And so that's why all my businesses were purpose driven. It was why I'd always shop for friends traveling around the world to go to their parties, whatever it is. I had to feel like I was worth something because my origin story defined that I wasn't.




Warwick Fairfax:

That is fascinating what you're saying because obviously there's a pivot which we'll get to here in a millisecond, but it seems like your friends wouldn't necessarily say "Finnian's a bad guy. It's all about money and power." It sounds like you were doing some worthwhile endeavors during that time. So people might say, "Finnian's a good guy, he cares about his friends, he tries to give back, he tries to live a life of purpose. Finnian's a good guy." So it sounds like it wasn't like, you're the sort of character and Citizen Kane and it's all about money and power and treading on the whole guy. And just if I can crush somebody, then I do because it's so fun. That wasn't who you were pre-crash if you will, which is fascinating. Your average friend would say, Finnian's a good guy and he's doing great. Right?




Finnian Kelly:

Yeah. And a lot of people looked up to me at that time as well. So when my crash came, it was very confronting to them because they thought that I had life worked out. So that was a very, very confusing moment for a lot of people. And it's one of those things I often talk about, I always get a little bit wary when people say that they're here to save the world and they're got this high altruistic side of things because often a lot of the time it's masking just their own unpleasant sensations. They don't want to feel this side of themselves. And also as you go along this journey, you start realizing, who am I, my limited self to think that this world isn't perfect just the way it is. Why do I need to be the one who meddles with it? So it's not about giving you away the altruistic desire to help people, but this whole idea of the world is broken and I need to fix it. There's a lot of ego hanging out in that as well.




Gary Schneeberger:

And there's a quote that you said, Finnian that I think really speaks to this point before we pivot into the crash. And again, this series is called Burn the Ships. And as you've talked about the things that you accomplished, the things that you were doing and how people looked up to you, I mean, you didn't just burn one ship, there were a lot of ships that were floating that you had going, that were a lot of different ships sailing under different flags. But you did pivot, but you said this about what you were just talking about, you will always have a sense of emptiness when you're looking for fulfillment from outside of yourself, even if what you're looking for is that altruistic thing. That seemed to be, it came to a point that you could no longer live unriven by having that perspective, right?




Finnian Kelly:

Yeah. So right Gary, what actually was the most interesting point about my sort of pre-crucible moment was I was living a life of Intentionality. I had a very clear vision. I had achieved it. I just sold my second company. I was financially independent, I was married, I was moving over to America to live in a ski resort in Beaver Creek, like skiing 100 days a year. And to top it even off, I had been recognized as a philanthropist and I was doing a documentary with National Geographic about supporting, I was in Bulgaria and I had to find a project, I find out what was wrong, funded all myself in this beautiful experience, which was really the highlight of my career. And at that exact moment, I was also, the illusion was starting to break away, or yeah, I was starting to discover the illusion because I'd always told myself that when this happens I'm going to feel fulfilled.

And in an exact moment I achieved everything in my life vision pretty much. Obviously there was more things I could have been open to, but I'd had the foundations, it was almost like the lie just suddenly started to surface. I just went, this is one giant lie, this isn't actually working for me. So at that peak moment was actually where it was all starting to fall away. And that's what will always happen if your foundations are built on negative belief loops. Eventually the core program of fear or I'm not enough, will always end up manifesting because that's the soul journey, is the soul journey, is to realize you are enough and you are love. And so that's something for people to remember.




Warwick Fairfax:

Wow, that's so profound. So talk about some of the elements of the crucible or the crash that really led you to turn inward and do what you'd avoided your whole life in a sense, which is get in touch with your feelings, get in touch emotionally with what's going on in your inner Finnian Kelly, if you will. So there are a couple of different elements to the crash that change the course of your life. So just tell folks about those couple elements.




Finnian Kelly:

Yeah, I look back and the way I describe the Crucible is that your soul has a journey in this lifetime and it's really here to grow and there's a particular reason and this higher self of ours, this is just my view, but it puts us in into this environment with these parents, into this situation and with these circumstances in life to learn a particular thing and apply it. And when you have that view, once again it's just a belief. All beliefs are made up. So why not have beliefs that serve you? That's a foundational part of my work is I don't care what you believe in, just are they serving you? So that makes me feel a little bit better. So in this, I almost think if you are not paying attention to your soul's journey, spirit will pick you up and smash you on the ground to wake you up, to force you.

Because some of us are very stubborn, some of us with our intellect, super smart, we can rationalize everything and we can sort of manipulate our way through things. But eventually it goes all right, it's time, it's wake it up. And for me it required a few different elements all happening at once. So one, my wife's dad suddenly died in a really tragic accident and he was a father figure I was starting to accept, I never had a father figure and I was starting to accept in a life. So once again, that abandonment program kicked in. And then we sold a business to some just not very ethical people who from the first moment had the strategy of putting us in a litigious fight. And in that moment you never win. And they weren't paying us the money. So huge financial loss. Then I'd launched a bunch of other businesses at the same time and I then suddenly went in through this really challenging experience because my relationship with my wife just wasn't the same after her dad died.

And I didn't have the tools that I do now to understand that this wasn't about me, it was her experience. And also we have this story around our relationship was like the golden couple that when any crack started coming, we didn't want to actually acknowledge them because it would be too confronting. So we sort of swept them under the carpet till eventually I had a burnout and I just went, "I can't do this anymore." And I had to shut down a company that I just raised money for. I paid all the investors out of my own pocket. I didn't have to, but it's just an integrity piece. I felt like they were backing me and I couldn't deliver the way I did. And that sort of just all started spiraling. And then eventually one day I addressed this with my wife, and she wanted some space and then just never came back.

She just never came back to Beaver Creek. So I was sitting in this house after all of this had happened and that was my crucible moment. And the key part of this moment, I remember this, I woke up one day and I was just sitting there and I just went, "I don't ever want to feel this way again." Now I want you to focus on those words. Notice I didn't say think, I said feel. I don't ever want to feel this way again. And that was my moment where I just went, "Okay, I've tried everything with my intellect, my rational mind, and it still didn't work. I have to go explore and go what is inside of me, which is driving this." And that was my real moment of I suppose my big awakening and my spiritual progression.




Warwick Fairfax:

So in that moment when you said, "I never want to feel this way again.", what were you feeling in those lowest moments? What was going on inside?




Finnian Kelly:

There was a lot of aloneness, just feeling completely alone, not understood, shame, lot of self-criticism. I'm someone who some people take on victim, some people take on more responsibility and both aren't a good path. I could take on too much responsibility. So there was just a lot of self-criticism and just ultimately just sad. I was just so sad that this had occurred and that somehow through my actions that this had actually happened. So it was just those feelings and it was a really challenging time where it was just getting through each day was hard enough because all my normal drivers, they were stripped away because I knew the illusion the had masked and they were like, that's not going to work this time. Going in, distracting yourself, going in, focusing on business, traveling, I knew none of it was going to work. So then I even felt even more alone and even more hopeless because my normal drivers, my normal tools were out outside. They were no longer relevant.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah you would say potentially all your ships burned, all the things that got you from one place to the other burned. That is a moment where that's what we're talking about in this series is that moment where you face that and then you decide to move forward in a new ship in a different direction. And that's certainly what you did.




Warwick Fairfax:

As you're talking, you spent a lifetime running away from your feelings and emotions because you didn't want to deal with them. So the problem is when you stop or you hit a brick wall, those feelings like a tidal wave hit you. It's easy to say in hindsight it'll be amateur psychologist. When you have those negative feelings and trauma, it's better to deal with them at the time because if you don't deal with them it hits you like a Mack truck. I mean it's dozens of psychologists could tell you that and that's great, but didn't help you with the time. Thank you. But I am where I am and the tidal wave is hitting me. And you talked earlier and stuff you sent us about negative belief loops and unhealed trauma, memories from childhood. So all of this is just hitting you just wave after wave of I'm sure intense emotion.

So it's hard. That's the benefit in a weird cryptic wave of a crucible, it's so painful. You can't ignore that tidal wave of emotions. No human could ignore that. You can't say I'm going to ignore that. You can't. It just your mind and agony and pain. So you faced this trauma and so what did you do then? Because one of the things we say at Beyond the Crucible, you have a choice. "You can say this is unfair, my wife left me, my family upbringing wasn't great. Maybe I made some bad choices. I don't know", but a combination of "Why did this happen to me?" Or "Of course it happened to me because I deserve all this stuff." Or whatever the negative cocktail is. Some people would say, "You know what, I'm just going to spend the next 50 years in bitterness and anger." And some people choose that.

And we talked earlier, but you chose a different path. How did you choose a path of healing and intentionality, if you will? I don't know if you even thought of that word at the time, but you made a choice and we cannot minimize the pain and the tidal wave of agony you were going through. How did you make that choice not to just dwell in the pit of agony and trauma and anger and bitterness? How did you get out of that pit, if you will?




Finnian Kelly:

Well, I'm really glad Warwick, you just repeated the word choice eight times because we needed to hear that because it is choice. That was the biggest thing I realized was perhaps I didn't have choice in my younger years. I wasn't developed enough. But right now I did have choice on how I handled this and how I was going to move through. And how I actually handled that choice was I basically looked at the paths that were available to me and the one path which was the familiar path, which was the running, the distracting, focusing on external things. One, I just recognized that those tools weren't even available, but it was built on fear. And I could just see where that was going to go to because I've already done that path and then ended up exactly where I was right now. And it was probably going to be even worse because I could, I wasn't in the illusion anymore.

So then I went, well what's the other path? And in that path I started going, "Well I have to take responsibility for this. I can't blame anyone else and I have to explore what could be potentially inside of me that could have brought this on because I had enough realization of that time that we are the creators of our own reality. I was already starting to teach that to people. And so I had that awareness and I went, "Well, if I'm the creator of my own reality, I've created this somehow. And yes, it's not conscious, but it's unconsciously I've created it. I'm still a creator." And that there is agency when you realize you are the creator. So in that moment it's challenging because at one point you're like, "How could I have done this? This is too painful to even comprehend." But if you realize that you have done this, it's also the liberating moment because you realize that you have the choice to get yourself out of this.

And that there is, when people can fully accept that, that's the moment of transformation where it starts beginning because they realize, all right, there's a way out of it. So in that moment I went, well really it was the path of love. And I had to go, "Well, how do I get to know myself? How do I feel this? How do I process this?" And I started looking at all the things that could have contributed to this moment. For example, I hadn't spoken to my dad in 19 years that probably might have contributed in my relationship. I had resentment against my mom, I had body complexes, all these little different things where I went, perhaps that's taking its toll on me. And I realized I also had this starting to understand this concept of time and about how time is just a construct and we don't understand it very, very well.

And one of the worst coded negative belief loops out there is that time heals all things. It's a complete lie because if time heals all these things, why was I in this situation from something that happened 22 years ago and it was still affecting everything in my life? And that was my moment where I went, "Well I tried the time thing, I tried that and it was still affecting me." And I realized, well if I don't address this now, this is going to just compound and it's going to affect me for the rest of my life. And that was when I first discovered that trauma doesn't operate in time. It doesn't at all, it doesn't even remember time, it remembers it like it was happened yesterday. And that's when I realized energy is what mattered. And I had to put the right energy into this experience and that entailed me.

I sat in my big nine bedroom mansion in Beaver Creek alone by myself for multiple months. I didn't party, I didn't distract myself completely celibate. And I just started focusing on every day what are the behaviors that will help me feel a little bit more, a little bit more peace, a little bit more joy, feeling a little bit more love for myself. And that started a chain of events. And before you knew it, I was walking across Spain doing the El Camino 500 mile pilgrimage, I'd done medicine journeys, I had gone to Burning Man, I had done a lot of spiritual healing work with my younger self. And that was really where it all started awakening for me.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I want to just dwell on what you're saying, Finnian, because people really need to understand the profound truth that you're talking about is often the hardest journey. The bravest journey is the journey within, is dealing with the inner trauma, emotions. A lot of guys especially trying to bury it stuff it move on, pretend to be tough and cool and all that, which is not a helpful typology if you will. But you chose the brave path. You chose to go full on to go, I don't know, to go to skiing metaphors like the triple black diamond approach. I'm going to head down the toughest slope I can, which is the journey within. That is the ultimate frontier, the Mount Everest, if you will. So I really admire that because obviously listeners know with, they know my journey pretty well by now with the 2.25 billion takeover of my family's large 150 media company in Australia.

And when that ended in 1990, yeah, I'm like you in the sense if there's a problem in the world, I assume it's my fault. That's my go-to. And so I was self flagellating metaphorically. And how could have been so dumb? I had a Harvard MBA, how could I thought the family wouldn't sell out, how could just beat myself up. And yeah, there was a fair share of dysfunction in my family without getting to details. So yeah, I had certainly opportunities for forgiveness, put it that way. But I guess to me, I learnt some things, which I'm sure you have is with forgiveness, you've got to forgive yourself. It's like, I'm 26. When I launched the takeover, I didn't mean to hurt anybody. I honestly didn't. I was just naive, young and idealistic, which is not always a good combination. I had my reasons and I've talked about that often and other podcasts.

But so unintentionally caused a lot of damage, some relationally. But I had to forgive myself. I was young, naive and I made some mistakes and then I had to forgive others. And we talk a lot on the podcast, forgiveness doesn't mean condoning, you know, forgive not because other people and necessarily what you forgive because you are worth it. And again, it doesn't mean condoning what was done to you, what was to anybody. So obviously you've learned all this I'm sure over the years. So just talk about some of those elements that people can understand of part of the way getting out of the pit of trauma is forgiving yourself, accepting yourself, forgiving others, not condoning, just talk about why those elements are important and you know, want to live a life of intentionality. You can't do a thing without dealing with that first, right? So talk about how you would characterize that.




Finnian Kelly:

Well thank you Warwick, that is very nice to hear that compliment. And also, yeah, I fully have compassion for your journey as well. It's an incredible one. And I'm also, it's such an interesting thing after you've been on this journey, I just want to touch on this quickly is that we will never give it back as well. I look back at that period and sometimes I'm almost envious of that version of myself. It's just completely, everything was open and you're just discovering new things each moment. It's confronting, but it's also a very, very invigorating period of my life. So I just want to address that. So the forgiveness and the acknowledgement bit. So I was saying that forgiveness sets you free, acknowledgement sets the other person free. So forgiving isn't really about the other person. Forgiveness is all about you. It means that there's some energetic connection which is affecting you.

So I had to do a deep period of forgiving myself. And I remember on the Camino, each day I would pick a different theme. And this was a little bit, what's that word where you're just sabotaging yourself a little bit on or bit macho, but it was needed. And I'd pick a day, one day it would be ex-girlfriends, another day would be business things. And I just went through and I just did an inventory of everything that I needed to forgive myself for. And it was that, it was this awareness that I just knew that this wasn't serving me, it was putting my lower energy centers and I had to get back into my heart center and having compassion for myself and going, "Well I do this for other people, so why can't I do this myself?" So that was a very, very important cleaning out of the inventory.

And then the acknowledgement piece is understanding how your behaviors may have impacted others. And when you acknowledge so often people think it's about shaming yourself and it's not. It's just actually recognizing that yeah, your younger version, just like you just said, you can see now, yes, you may have gone in with good intent, however your actions had consequences and hit other people. And you can acknowledge that now. And that there is just, what it does is it helps people get back to that core desire of feeling seen and feeling understood. And I've never seen a point where when I've done some acknowledgement or someone's acknowledged me, I've never pushed them away. I'm always like, "Oh thank you." They get it. And it feels really nice. And it's been the core thing I've always wanted from my parents was just proper acknowledgement, just understanding that yes, some of the behaviors could have had an impact on us.

And unfortunately a lot of people don't have the courage to do that. Cause they operate from fear and they believe that they're going to be found out or that person's going to be left. And I can tell you, the other person already knows. The fact that you are, even having the opportunity to speak to them shows that they want to forgive you, they want to love you. And this is the most shocking thing I see with parents when they give up on children, it's coded into the child to forgive the parent. They naturally love the parent. And when parents give that up, I'm just like, "Oh, you're missing out on an opportunity here. Even if you think your behaviors were right, it doesn't matter because it's not the content, it's how the other person is feeling." And that's something which is with super important.

So that was really what it was all about. And the doorway to doing that is that self-compassion actually going, how can you be kind to yourself, love yourself, realizing that you're not perfect? And this whole story, one of the greatest traps is I should have known better. Why did I do this? And I always go, "Well, if you did, you would have." That's the thing. So this whole thing of hindsight where it's like, oh, if I should have done this. And I'm like, "Well no, you shouldn't have. You just weren't at that level of consciousness yet. And that's okay. But now you are, now you've learned." And that's the moment is am I going to repeat these mistakes? And if we don't forgive and we don't acknowledge, then we're just creating programs down to our subconscious because the subconscious receives orders through the strongest emotion and it just then creates more outcomes of your life like it. And that's the moment where I now go, "Well, that was your missed opportunity. That was sad."




Warwick Fairfax:

Well said. Yeah. And from my standpoint, you've got to give yourself some grace. We all make mistakes and you acknowledge, try and atone to the degree that it's necessary. But I want to just pivot to what you do now with Intentionality is obviously, I'm sure linked to what we're talking about. And I think you wrote somewhere that Intentionality guides people to be purposeful and aligned in their beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors so that they can be more in love with their lives. So just talk about your mission in life now of just helping to guide people into a life of Intentionality, which I kind of love that concept. So just talk a bit about that, your mission and why that's important and what that is.




Finnian Kelly:

Thank you. So we've actually expanded the definition of Intentionality to be rooted in science and psychology. Intentionality is a principled and transformative approach designed to help people harness the power of the present, crack the elusive codes of social conditioning, and effectively create and sustain the path to extraordinary life. So the key points are is this sort of the power of the present. That's all that matters, Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. And we have these codes of social conditioning which are determining everything in our life. And we think that this is what we want, but it's actually not us. It's through other people. And then how do you become the conscious creator? And that's really when we think about our overall mission, it's really how do we help people find their path, experience, the lasting transformation, and we do that through cracking the code to conscious creation.

So each day we're looking and I'm like, we're all testing as a team and going, "What's the code? How do we make people more and more consciously create?" Because we're all creating every day, but most of us are creating through an unconscious mechanism. And that's why we keep repeating the sabotaging behaviors and not getting the desired feeling. So that's what we're really doing. And it's super exciting. When I think about my life's work, this is definitely it because it's for my own needs. I'm solving my own needs. That's where Intentionality was born out of. I never thought of anyone else. It was the first time where I stopped thinking about other people. I just purely thought about myself and went, "How do I get myself out of this? I have been coded with some faulty beliefs and I don't want this anymore." And through a period of discovery, I really uncovered that there's five core sort of beliefs, these belief programs which are sabotaging us.

And then I created five principles which are the loopholes to these beliefs. And it's super exciting. It's applicable to individuals, organizations, communities, culture in general. And now I'm just focused on how do I get people to realize that there is another way and that they do have choice and they have agency and it can be a lot easier. That's a big thing that I want people to realize is that life doesn't have to be hard. That's another belief that we've brought in to. Life can be easy and there's magic out there.

And it's amazing. I pinch myself each day that I get to live this right now. And that's where I'm just so grateful for these younger versions myself and just going, "You did it." And then I look at all the people that I brought into my life effectively, like conspired into my soul journey and played out their roles and I have gratitude them to them. Now, it doesn't condone some of the things that they did to me, but I do have a deep sense of gratitude and that just helps me live more peacefully anyway, so that's another example of a belief that works for me.




Gary Schneeberger:

That sounds, you heard listeners was the captain of our Qantas airline. Since we have some Aussie accents here on the show indicating that we've begun our dissent, we're not going to land yet because I've got a couple of questions I want to ask you and then also give you the chance to tell people how they can find out more about Intentionality.com. But back, I don't know, 10 minutes or so ago you offered the revamped definition of Intentionality. And I used to be a newspaper reporter, so I took bad notes because that's what newspaper reporters do. But here's what I got out of the back end of that. It's about creating and pursuing the path to an extraordinary life. And it seems to me in the context of this series that we're doing called Burn the Ships, that can include sometimes that creating and pursuing a path to an extraordinary life can include that pivot, can include that path, can include needing a new ship to get you there.




Finnian Kelly:

It definitely can. And the great thing is that you don't actually have to create your ship sometimes. There's a lot of ships out there waiting for you to jump on and go on that journey. And so often, I don't know, we try to reinvent the wheel, but this truths of humanity have been there since the day of dawn. And all the different spiritual texts, if you look at them at the essence at the core, they're all speaking the same thing, approaching it from different parts, but they're having the same messages. And so what I really encourage people to do is just go find some people who you look like you respect their life and go on a journey. Now it doesn't mean hand over your agency to them, that's very important. That's how people get end up being in organizations where they're getting taken advantage of.

And we've seen that in mainstream religions, whatever we want to do at cults, whatever there is. But you don't have to do this alone. There's other people out there who have left truths out there and you can go on that journey. And that's where I think I found truth through meditation. I've found truths through nature. Nature is the greatest truth vehicle. If you just go spend more time in nature, that is the greatest ship of all time, isn't it? And it holds you never asks anything of you, it supports you. And that might be a ship that's available for everyone. And unfortunately we don't take it.




Gary Schneeberger:

I've co-hosted 150 plus episodes of this show with work, and I can see him nodding his head. He wants to say something really quick, but before I let them do that, I would be remiss, Finnian if I didn't give you the chance to let people know, I mean we've said Intentionality.com a lot, so that's probably where they can go see more about it. But tell listeners what they'll find there, what kind of services you offer, how can they find you online, and what will you help them do when they get there?




Finnian Kelly:

Great. So the, that's your probably best place to start would be Finniankelly.com and-




Gary Schneeberger:

And that's two ns in the front part of Finnian right?




Finnian Kelly:

Yeah, yeah. Finniankelly.com/podcast. And I've created a bunch of gifts that will just start them on the journey just exploring. I've an intentional living guide. There's a bunch of Intentionality tools to start applying into your life. We're just in a rebrand of Intentionality right now. So the website where we are launching a new website, so that might be up by the time we're there. And my whole thing is that it's a behavior-based approach. So that's the loophole, is you get focused really on the desired feelings. That's the key essence of all this is like what are my desired feelings? And then what's the behavior that's going to start driving to that? So I always say "You're only one breath away from Intentionality.", because when you take one breath, you slow it down and you have a chance to go, do I want to activate the old program?

Do I want to react or do I want to get connected to my desired feelings and respond with a behavior that's going to lead me to me, that feeling. So just do one thing today, which is a little bit different. And that's why we create all of these tools and when people go on that tool journey, they start seeing it. We have different retreats, online programs, but the key thing for me is I just want people just to start living this life. So we've got a bunch of free content there and just go on that journey. And then if you feel like our ship could potentially accelerate your journey, come join us. It'd be a lot of fun.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick, the last question as always is yours.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Finnian, thank you so much for being here. I mean, it really is inspiring your journey and it's a courageous journey that you've been on to finding who you are, dealing with some things, living a life of Intentionality, which it's a brilliant faith, your should lead intentional lives. So I'm thinking that maybe some people listening today, and maybe they're going at mock three, they're founding businesses, they're getting degrees, maybe they're saving the world in a sense of, oh, maybe I feel better about myself, of the more people I "save" maybe it's motivation for me is everything. It's great to help people, but what's the motivation? What's the inner... But maybe people listening here, were going at a very fast pace and it's like, "Well, I can't stop because stuff will catch up with me or I'll crash." And so I don't know if it's a word of hope or warning, but for those that are the pre-crash Finnian Kelly's, of this world, what would you say to those folks who are listening right now?




Finnian Kelly:

Well, I would empower them to start reclaiming their feelings and start seeing that this is actually their greatest asset. Their feelings become their greatest asset, and it's ultimately how we take back control of our systems. So I would inspire them to just start really being curious and going, "Is this really the life that you want? Are you making conscious decisions? Or is this from some form of programming, which it may be from people you don't even really respect? And in that moment you have self-exploration that will start opening up things, you'll start asking the right questions and you'll start getting the right answers, and it will prevent you from having the crucible moment, which in itself, that is the crucible moment if you start asking the questions because you start realizing that, okay, I need to burn the ship down. Don't have to burn it all down, but I can change my life right now.




Gary Schneeberger:

I've been in the communications business long enough to know when the last word on the subject's been spoken and Finnian Kelly just spoke it. Thank you listener for spending this time with us on this special episode of our special series, Burn the Ships and remember this truth, if your ships are not sailing in the direction you wish they were sailing, if you feel like you're drifting off course a little bit, now is the time to get a match. We'll see you next week.

If you enjoyed this episode, learned something from it, we invite you to engage more deeply with those of us at Beyond The Crucible. Visit our website beyondthecrucible.com to explore a plethora of offerings to help you transform what's been broken into breakthrough. A great place to start our free online assessment, which will help you pinpoint where you are on your journey beyond your crucible, and to chart a course forward. See you next week.

Eryn Eddy had found a way to make her passion for music pay off — licensing her original compositions to VH1 and MTV and some of the most popular shows on television. But she longed to give people more than a song to listen to. She wanted to give them a truth to live by. That makes her the ideal first guest for our new series BURN THE SHIPS, in which we’re talking with men and women who have been brave enough to make dramatic pivots, leaving behind “safe” and familiar lives to do something dramatic, new, life-changing and significant – facing down and overcoming crucibles along the way.

Eddy has done just that, starting by spray-painting fans’ T-shirts with the simple, profound message SO WORTH LOVING. Her efforts offered so much hope and healing to so many people that So Worth Loving became a successful lifestyle brand that, as the company mission statement puts it, exists to remind you of your worth so you can remind others of theirs. In fact, that’s been Eryn’s own story, as she explains in our interview. Self-doubt, broken relationships, fears that what she tried just might not work out – those are the crucibles she’s fought through to help others find the resilience to do the same.

Highlights

Transcript

Gary Schneeberger:

We've seen so much interest in our special 23% off offer for our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, that we're continuing it throughout February. The three module video course will equip you to transform your life from, "Is this all there is," to, "This is all I've ever wanted." Each session is led by Beyond the Crucible founder, Warwick Fairfax, who shares his own hard won successes in turning trials into triumphs, and he's got some high powered help from USA Today's gratitude guru to a runner-up on TV's Project Runway, from a recording artist with a billboard number one album to a couple of bestselling authors. It's an ensemble of men and women living significant second acts who would command a six figure price tag if any business wanted to fill an auditorium with them to coach their employees, but we've packed their insights and action steps into our course for a sliver of that cost.

And if you act before the end of February, you'll get 23% off your enrollment. Just visit Secondactsignificance.com and use the code 23for23. So don't delay, enroll today, and remember, life is too short to live a life you don't love. Now, here's today's podcast episode.




Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership.




Eryn Eddy:

So I had my music blog on Tumblr and put my home address on my Tumblr blog, and I asked people, I said, "Mail me your personal shirt. I'll spray paint an empowering phrase," because all my music was empowering, so just kind of went in with this concept of me creating music and talking to my fans through my blog. I just like, "Hey, mail me one of your shirts. I'll spray paint that you're so worth loving, and I'll mail it back to you for free," and I was doing that with my businesses now, So Worth Loving. So I thought I was going to do music 100%, but that wasn't the case. There were bigger plans.




Gary Schneeberger:

Bigger plans? Bigger than licensing her original music to VH1 and MTV and some of the most popular shows on television? You bet. Because Eryn Eddy wanted to give people more than a song to listen to. She wanted to give them a truth to live by. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. Today marks the premier episode of our new series, Burn the Ships. We're talking with guests who've been brave enough to make dramatic pivots, leaving behind safe and familiar lives to do something dramatic, new, life changing, and significant, facing down and overcoming crucibles along the way, and Eryn is the perfect guest to get us going on this journey.

What started as spray painting fans' T-shirts with the simple, profound message, "So worth loving," has offered hope and healing to so many people that it's now a successful lifestyle brand that, as the company mission statement puts, exists to remind you of your worth, so you can remind others of theirs. In fact, that's been Eryn's own story as she tells Warwick in this interview. Self-doubt, broken relationships, fears that what she tried just might not work out, those are the crucibles she's fought through to help others find the resilience to do the same.




Warwick Fairfax:

Eryn, thank you so much for being here. I loved reading your book, So Worth Loving. I mean, obviously we grew up very differently, you small town in Georgia, me, big city, Sydney, in Australia, and a massive family business, but just this whole concept of, which we'll get into a bit, your journey to both help other people realize that they're loved, but also realize that you're loved, which almost feels like a lifelong journey to actually realize it, and obviously for you and I, that God loves us and loves everybody unconditionally. So I love the theme of your book, and I resonated with so much of it despite our backgrounds being pretty radically different, which is pretty amazing.

But before we get into, and obviously we want to hear a bit about So Worth Loving in terms of your whole company, and how that all got started, but tell us a bit of the backstory about growing up in a small town in Georgia with parents who were entrepreneurial furniture folks with a store, and it sounds like a couple of sisters. And so just tell us a bit about what life was like for you growing up.




Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. I'm honored, and I love that our stories can be so different and yet we can connect on so many levels of the emotional ups and downs that come with owning something to struggling with owning something, whether it's owning our emotions or it's owning a business.




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah.




Eryn Eddy:

My parents, they've manufactured furniture for almost 40 years, and my grandmother, actually, she was the person that owned her business before my mom and dad decided to go on that endeavor, and her business, she was the fastest growing furniture maker in the south. It was so rare for women business owners to emerge in the seventies and eighties, and so they were fascinated, and Ronald Reagan, he honored her at the White House.




Warwick Fairfax:

Oh, wow.




Eryn Eddy:

Because it was like, "Who is this female that owns a business in the south, and it's successful?" And he really empowered women in that way. So anyway, so I did grow up with that in my blood. Entrepreneurship was in my DNA from my grandma to my grandfather, to my great-grandma, to my great-grandfather, just kind of I'm a lineage of it, but I grew up, tiny town, 3000 people, so a little smaller than the town that you grew up in.




Warwick Fairfax:

Indeed, yes. Smaller than Sydney, just a tad. Yeah.




Eryn Eddy:

Just a little bit. Yeah, my family, we had tons of animals. I mean, we bred great Danes, we bred Jack Russells. It was like a zoo on 16 acres in this tiny town, but what's interesting and unique about my story is that while I grew up in the South, both my parents are from the north, so my dad is from Ohio, and my mom is from Indiana. So I didn't have this typical southern belle that you hear small town in the south. While I was in a small town in the south, I was raised by people from the Midwest and up north.




Gary Schneeberger:

Bravo. As someone who lives in Wisconsin and was born in Wisconsin, I have to applaud that.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, and I say my wife actually came from a small town in northeast Ohio, so pretty familiar with Ohio.




Eryn Eddy:

Oh, okay. Oh, nice, nice. See, so I grew up with my mom, loved Miracle Whip, not mayonnaise. I don't know if that's a Midwest or a northern thing, but that's like all of our sandwiches were very sweet. That's all I can say. But so I grew up really like my dad... So I'm one of three girls. I'm the last born, and my dad just always empowered the women in the house, and that goes to he was raised by a single mom, which was my grandma, who was the furniture maker and owner, and so female empowerment was just a thing. It was just empowering our voice in general, not because we're female, but just because we're a person.

And that just kind of bred this within me that I can believe parts of myself that I'm capable. I am capable of doing things, and pursuing, and dreaming, and so I went to an all-girl school. I know a lot about women. Family of girls. I went to an all-girl school. It was a boarding school. I was a day student and just was not really good at academics. I learned pretty quickly in fifth grade I was pretty bad at it, and I'd rather be dreaming and creating with my hands and writing.

I mean, I was a journaler since I was 12, so I have over 100 journals now. So writing poetry, and feelings, and thoughts, and observations is always something that I did, and that's the other thing that my dad bred was just be honest with your thoughts, be honest with your thought life, and my mom also was an example of that. So I grew up with some incredible parents that just empowered us to come into our own. But even then, I was confused on what it was that I wanted to do, because I didn't go to college. I wasn't really sure. I knew I had dreams, but I didn't know if any of them were tangible. And after I graduated high school, I left the family business.

So it was kind of like all of us girls grew up at showrooms, furniture showrooms in High Point, North Carolina, and we were setting up all... I mean, we traveled with my dad in his box truck, and we smelled like furniture blankets most of the time and saw dust. We all... and dust furniture, and knew what types of products to use at too young of an age. So I knew I wanted to do something, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was that I wanted to do. So that kind of gives you a little bit of my background and my history of my upbringing




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah. Seems like one of the other things I read is you also had a love of music that kind of is one of the strands that led to what you do, at least to a degree. So just talk about where music falls. I mean, I get you're an entrepreneur, but where does music fall in that kind of Eryn Eddy things I love to do kind of mix?




Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. Music came... My grandfather was a musician. He played guitar and sang, and he had his own vinyl record, and he produced hymns. I actually have his vinyl record from when he recorded, and so music definitely came from my grandfather, and about 15, I got involved at a church and started singing, and then I started doing cover songs, and then I started discovering, "Oh, I have a good voice." And people like it. They respond to it. They are surprised by it. It's a little bit deeper, soulful voice, and I'm 4'11, so people are like, "Oh, wow." It kind of surprises them what comes out, and with my love for poetry and my interest in learning how I can use my vocal chords, I started to just dream a little bit about recording my own music instead of doing other people's songs. I wondered if I was capable of recording, and that was after I graduated high school.

So I started as an... Well, I started doing grunt work at a nonprofit. I begged them for this job. While I'm doing that, I'm doing music by night, so I'm recording music, writing songs, coming up with a band. I was newly married, and I remember when I decided to go from singing cover songs to singing my original work, I was terrified. And I think anybody listening that's ever pursued something creatively, I think they'll understand this. I was terrified because it would be my original stuff, which made me more susceptible to people judging me, and if it was somebody else's song, they can judge it, and they can listen to it or not, but because it's my own, they can look at it, and pick it apart, and they're picking apart parts of my soul. It's my writing. It came out of me.

So I learned that I amidst that, despite that, I loved singing, and I loved writing, and so I got a little bit more vulnerable and a little bit more vulnerable, recording, playing shows, and then just looking at doors that I could walk through that would be willing to put my music on television shows and commercials, and that's just kind of how my music career started taking shape. I was newly married and because of that, I didn't want to go on tour, because I knew tour life would be really hard being newly married. So I'm like, "Okay, there's another way that I can make this sustainable, where I can be at my house, and that was when I started getting into licensing my music.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it seemed like, I mean, you were very successful. You I guess had a bunch of music tracks on Tumblr, which obviously at the time was one of the apps of choice for music. And I think you were commercials and did some tracks for Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I mean, you were really doing terrifically, so it would seem like, gosh, Eryn Eddy has this great story. She's an entrepreneur. She was successful, is successful. What a great story, right?




Eryn Eddy:

Yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

It sounds fantastic. It sounds like a sort of a Disneyland picture.




Eryn Eddy:

People thought I was killing it, Warwick. Well, I signed with VH1, MTV, Lifetime, Oxygen channel for my music, and that happened just so organically. I just put myself out there and just walked through doors, honestly, that just flew open, and I don't want to say I just was lucky. I think I was just strategic in where I was placing my energy, and I think people will see as "overnight success." I just don't believe it's an overnight thing, because I think it started when I started to be vulnerable in my journals at 12 that I finally got to have some music on television and be licensed to commercials and things like that in my mid-twenties.

So I had my music blog on Tumblr and put my home address on my Tumblr blog, and I asked people, I said, "Mail me your personal shirt. I'll spray paint an empowering phrase," because all my music was empowering. So just kind of went in with this concept of me creating music and talking to my fans through my blog. I was like, "Hey, mail me one of your shirts. I'll spray paint that you're so worth loving, and I'll mail it back to you for free." And I was doing that with my business is now, So Worth Loving. So I thought I was going to do music 100%, but that wasn't the case. There were bigger plans, and So Worth Loving, spray painting t-shirts for free, and reminding people of their worth and their love, that they're loved, and receiving people's shirts that just came into my mailbox.

I was so surprised that people needed to be reminded of this message. That's what I realized. This is something so much bigger than music. This is a lifestyle and a way of thinking, and I want to remind people of that for the rest of my life.




Warwick Fairfax:

Let's talk about that phrase, because in the book you write there were some other things you were trying to play with like, "You are beautiful. Shine bright." You say that you feel like it's divinely inspired. So talk about what made you center on So Worth Loving? Because shine bright and you are beautiful, I mean, obviously I think you're... I mean, so worth loving is just epically fantastic. I mean, it's just incredible, but why that phrase versus a number of other positive phrases you could have written on a T-shirt?




Eryn Eddy:

It's a great question. I had to get to the root of why I even wanted to empower and encourage other people. So when I started playing with phrases, I was like, "Well, why do I want to tell people that they're beautiful, or that they don't shine too bright, or they're not too much?" One the reasons why I wanted to remind people in general something encouraging and empowering was because I was so encouraged and empowered when people believed in my art and wanted to share it. It was such a gift to me. I couldn't believe people were sharing my music, and it was going viral, and it was being picked up. What an honor.

And so when it came to me wanting to remind somebody else, and gift them belief, and remind them of something that is true about who they are, I got down to it that they're loved, and they're not just loved. They're worthy of being loved, and they're worthy of making healthy choices for themselves. And the one thing that I learned and have continued to learn in my journey is that when we believe that we're worth loving, and we're worthy of love, the decisions that we make are different. Relationships that we go into, relationships that we say, "Yes," and, "No," to, in dating, and friendship, the boundaries that we put in place with our parents, the careers that we choose or don't choose because we don't believe we're deserving, or we do believe that we're worthy. And so I think these words, I can craft all of this so eloquently now, but then I think the root was that I just wanted to remind people that they're not just worth loving. They are absolutely so worth loving.

And it just came to my mind almost like a pressing whisper that wasn't of me. And I remember thinking, "Wow, that has to already exist," because that's how powerful it impacted me when it came to my mind, and it wasn't because I was so smart. I definitely believe it was outside of myself is where these words came from. When I started thinking, "Why do I want to remind people that they're beautiful? Well, I want to actually remind them that they're loved. Why do I want to remind them that they're loved? Because they're worthy of love. Well, why do I want to remind them that they're worthy of..." So it just was like this progression.

And I just remember Googling, as any entrepreneur does, going to Google and being like, "Are all the domains available, and where can I... Have I seen this on a billboard, and is this in my subconscious?" I thought maybe this is in my subconscious, and I've seen it somewhere, or I have a shirt that already says this, and none of it existed. And I thought, "This is so much bigger than me, and this is something that I'm to steward, and learn how to do that, and go through the ups and downs."




Gary Schneeberger:

And one of the things I love when you and I talked first is you mentioned that there are a number of lifestyle brands out there whose mottoes are good, whose slogans are good, but they tend to be rooted in actions people should take. I, for instance, walking through an airport bought a hat that says, "Be good to people," right? But it's an action you take. Where you landed, where you wanted to land is at a place that is not an action someone takes, but a truth that they accept, which as you expressed it, sort of moved you even more than the poetry of the words, this idea that they don't have to do anything. You are loved because you are loved.

That's a critical piece of this, and I want to ask this question, because the series here is called Burn the Ships, right? We're trying to spotlight folks who've been courageous enough for whatever reason to pivot off of what they had thought they were going to do, and they went somewhere else. You pivoted from music into this brand, So Worth Loving. I have to believe those things are connected a little bit. If you didn't internalize that you were so worth loving, that probably would've been a more difficult pivot, wouldn't it?




Eryn Eddy:

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think for the long longest time, I actually... One of the reasons why I wanted to gift this phrase to other people and remind them was because I can look back and go, "I actually really, really struggled with believing that I had value, and an offering, and that I had a purpose," and it came from some childhood stuff with a relative and words that were spoken over me. So I think in some ways as much as I was gifting other people, because I believe that for my friends and for people I don't know, I also think that I just desperately wanted to believe it about myself, that I was worthy of love, and that I didn't have to perform, and I didn't have to look a certain way or be a certain way in order to be loved and in order to have an offering or value.

Which is interesting because when I look back, on my childhood with my mom and my dad, as y'all heard earlier, my dad empowered us, and it just goes to show that if we don't pay attention to these little lies, whether it's something that society says over us, whether it's a lie that someone spoke over us that sounded so true, and you could almost confirm the lie, which I have found myself doing. I will have confirmed a lie with another lie, but it feels so true. I think that I can look back and go, "I had done that a lot. I made a lot of agreements with lies that weren't true, and I desperately wanted to believe that I was worthy of love."




Warwick Fairfax:

One of the things we talk about all the time on Beyond the Crucible and I talk about is that often our purpose comes out of the ashes of your crucible. You're so passionate about So Worth Loving because it feels like for so many years you struggled to believe that about yourself, and even as you were launching it, I think I read it wasn't like you felt like you were quite there yet, but maybe it's aspirational. You're on the journey, and so you wanted other people to feel what you were trying to feel, and I just think of the reverse, as you were saying. If you think that you are not worth loving, that you're broken, that you're awful, that you're ugly, that you are unwanted, almost biblically a Leper, unclean, then that leads to a lot of bad choices, bad thoughts. It just leads to a very dark place.




Eryn Eddy:

I love what you shared earlier. It was So Worth Loving, as much as I started it, it wasn't because I had arrived to believe that I was worthy of love, but it was that I wanted to remind other people, partially because I wanted to believe it about myself, partially because I wasn't as connected to my story. So it was easier for me to communicate it. And now it's ironically, it's easier and it's harder because I now know what it's like to be on the other... It's like there's a lamenting and a pain that comes attached to that phrase that back then there wasn't that to the same level of depth. Does that make sense?




Warwick Fairfax:

It does. I feel like we're all on a journey, but you believe that now. You believe Eryn Eddy is so worth loving, right?




Eryn Eddy:

Yeah.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, I think it's hard as humans, hard to be there 100%, because we all have doubts, and fears, and anxieties, but vastly more than years ago, that would be true that you really do believe that. I'm not just making light of it. It's not just a t-shirt. It's something you believe about yourself.




Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. So after my divorce, you would think that it's like, "Okay, I'm now worth loving," this like... And that was not the case for me. I actually dove into dating really quickly, destructive choices, just when I say that when you believe you're worthy of love, the decisions that you make look different. They do. And so they look different if you don't believe it, and they look different if you do believe it. And for me, I didn't believe it, and so I ran away from myself. I didn't want to be with just myself. I wanted to be with other people. I didn't know what it was like to be independent, and love, and value just me. I mean, I met my former husband when I was 17, and I was married by 21, so singleness was really uncomfortable for me.

And in addition, I had a lot of baggage of lies that I believed about myself, and then stuff that came within the marriage of being on the other side of another person and their lack of believing that they are loved and the decisions that they chose because of that lack of love. And so it wasn't until I got exhausted of my own choices and not believing. I remember there was a night I was burned out. I was burned out on work, friendship, dating, life. I didn't want to exist. I didn't want to hurt myself, but I didn't want to exist because everything around me just felt like it was crushing me, and I could not imagine anything getting better anytime soon. And I remember taking a bath and sinking into the tub where my face is just showing. If any women are listening, I don't know how many men take baths like this, but they just...




Warwick Fairfax:

I hear you.




Eryn Eddy:

I just sunk into the tub, and my thoughts were so loud, and I just sat there, and I was just like, "Gosh, I want everything to be different. How do I get out of this? How do I change my life?" And changing my life was believing that I'm valued, and that I'm loved, and that I have purpose. And when I believe that, I actually can serve, and be selfless, and be active in community, and show up, and just show up in hard spaces. For so long I had battled with So Worth Loving people believing that self-love is selfish, and so it's the actual complete opposite. It's when you know you're valued, and you know that you're loved, you do show up differently in your friends' lives, and in your community, and in your family with compassion and grace, and you're not flinched by somebody going through something.

You can be there for them because you've been there for you. And that moment was the awakening for me of it, and my life did not get better once I decided to believe I was worthy of love. I had to go through a lot of stuff in order, therapy was one of them, to believe it, but that's kind of how So Worth Loving became awakened within me and me believing it.




Warwick Fairfax:

So what was the key to that? Because I get it, you had these negative self-talk, performance, it sounds like some challenging things with your first husband. And then I think you wrote in the book there was, I don't know, a year or so after the divorce, there was a relationship where the guy says, "I can't get there," or something, and then rejection after rejection. It's like, "How much do they want to pile on me?" It's like come on. I mean, it's just mountains. I mean, what was the key, the anchor that started you believing that you were worth loving? What was that key for you?




Eryn Eddy:

Well, the relationship, the first chapter I talk about how it was my first serious relationship out of my divorce, and I was with my former husband for about 13 years. So it was this relationship there was... Basically when it came to an end, and all my baggage I talk about comes forward, and I remember I wanted to be with him, so badly wanted to be with this relationship that ended, when he told me, "I just can't get there, Eryn." I just remember thinking, "Where is there? Where is there? Does that mean you can't get to loving me?" And so I was crushed by those words, "I can't get there."

And I remember after that, "I can't get there," I wanted to be with him, but I couldn't, because he didn't want to be with me. I didn't want to date anybody else. So I'm stuck with me, and I didn't want to be with me. I wanted to be with him, and that was when that was the moment where it was like, "Oh. Eryn, why don't you want to be with you? What is wrong with you?" Not like what is wrong with you, but also maybe, but what do you think is so wrong with you that you can't just enjoy you?

And so I decided, I committed to taking a year off dating, and date myself, and get to know myself, and treat myself with kindness, and that looked like not drinking a bottle of wine by myself. It looked like crawling out of bed to brush my teeth, which was a big feat for me, because I fell into this state of depression, and the depression really was this... I remember my therapist telling me it was suppressed anger. I was so angry, and I had been performing my way through anger and ignoring and denying it. I suppressed all this. And the anger was I'm mad at him for doing this. I'm mad at them for saying this. I'm mad at me for doing this. I'm mad.

It was like I was so angry, but I'm a very optimistic, naturally glass full, not empty type of personality, and so it was hard for me to get to my anger and access it. And so once I gave myself permission to get angry, that to me communicated to me that my feelings mattered, so whoever told me that my feelings didn't, I'm telling myself that they do. And that was on my path to discovering and recognizing that I am worthy of love, and I'm worthy to get to know, and I can do that with just me. And part of it, part of my story is there's a faith component.

I remember crying out to God in that moment in the bathtub with the water kind of half covering my face, just crying out and being like, "God, if you are who you say you are, where were you in all of this stuff that happened? Where were you when they did this? Where were you when she said that? Where were you when... Where were you?" And that permission to be angry at other people and the permission to be angry at God, because I was really angry at God, was the beginning of me to learning that I am worthy of love, and that I have value, and my feelings and who I am are worth getting to know, because God's didn't flinch when I did that.




Warwick Fairfax:

And maybe the realization that God really does love you and believing that.




Eryn Eddy:

Absolutely. It was His response to me was when I realized I can show up, and I can be my fullest self, and that looks like a mess with a lot of baggage and a lot of anger, and He shows me by His response for bringing... I get emotional talking about it, because it's so tender. Every time I talk about this part of my story, no matter how many interviews I've done on it, I cry.




Warwick Fairfax:

It's all good.




Eryn Eddy:

But He surrounded me with people that believed that I was worthy of love and mirrored back to me what I had struggled to believe, and He also just did some miraculous little things that are between me and Him that you can't unsee, and you cannot unbelieve.




Gary Schneeberger:

And around the same time, you're sending out these T-shirts, and you're getting letters from people. And talk a little bit about, I mean, what was in those letters, and what did those letters speak to you about how you were on the right path? You had taken a torch to your singing career in the sense of that wasn't your primary pursuit. So Worth Loving was your primary pursuit. You send out these t-shirts. You're at this place where you believe that you yourself are so worth loving. Now you're getting feedback from the people you're helping, from the community you've just begun to build. What was that like? What did you hear back from them, and how did that help you on your journey?




Eryn Eddy:

I love that question, because the So Worth Loving community is so brave because the So Worth Loving community is so vulnerable, and I think it's just in order to be vulnerable, you are brave. And so I would receive letters of people telling me why they felt unworthy of love, whether it was that their father never hugged them all growing up in their childhood, and they just... Affection, physical affection. They felt like they were undeserving of somebody just giving an embrace, a hold, a hug, to stories of people telling me... I remember one of the women on our team, she's served on our team for about nine years, and her story is absolutely beautiful, and she was one of the first letters I'd ever received. And she was sexually abused at 11. She was raped at 12. She had an abortion from her rape, and she had overcome an eating disorder, suicidal ideation, and self harm, and she has just a resiliency.

And I think that's what I saw in a letter, whether it was my dad never hugged me, or whatever it may be, whether it was "severe" or not severe to that person, it's not for us to decide what is severe, and what's not, and that's one thing that I saw, because regardless, it's crushing, and your circumstance does hurt, and it aches, and it tells you something about yourself, whether there's a truth that comes to it or a lie that comes to it, but what I learned was that there's this resiliency that takes place in any story that we've ever received, and what's within resiliency is questions, and the question is, "Am I worthy of love?" And then it's trying to understand why you are, and I think that is so brave, and that's what So Worth Loving gifted me, because I saw all these stories of people questioning, asking questions, and processing something that hurt them and harmed them, whether it was a lie, like I said earlier. They're looking at it in the face.

And so for me, in my moment of just burnout, and breakdown, and not wanting to exist anymore, I can reflect back and go, "Our community would look at it in the face and be scared doing it, and then address it, and ask questions, and go on the journey of healing." And that's what So Worth Loving community modeled for me. They taught me, our community, which is everybody, because everybody is worthy of love. So we're not this exclusive crew. It's just what has evolved over the last decade. They taught me to look at it, and be curious, and ask questions with safe people, and that's why I say I've seen people have conversations with safe individuals and groups, and I've seen lives transformed because of it, and that transformed my life with that being modeled for me.




Warwick Fairfax:

And what does it feel like when people say, "Eryn," as I'm sure they do, "You've changed my life. You've helped me. You've given me a drop of grace when I didn't believe it. I didn't believe I was worth loving, and I believed I shouldn't exist, but I believe maybe I do. Maybe I am worth loving,"? What does it do to you when people say, "You've changed my life," because I'm sure people have said that to you?




Eryn Eddy:

I have heard those words, and I have had a hard time receiving them due to the fact that I don't believe that I invented worth, or value, or love. And so there's a piece of me that struggles with embracing that, but in the same lane, I also am very honored that my messiness and my baggage is being redeemed by me being vulnerable, and sharing my struggles and my failures, and seeing a life being changed out of what I thought was going to ruin me, and what I thought I couldn't ever come out of. When somebody says my story has changed them, my response is always, "All of our stories change each other. I just have an opportunity to be vocal about it in the space that I'm being placed in."

That's what's so beautiful about each of our stories is I think there's a stewardship to it, because we all struggle with believing something that can be a slow drip to seeing our value and our worth, and we don't drift into a healthy direction. I really believe that. We don't just drift to it. It's like an accumulation of things that we believe about ourselves is how we go into a space of health.




Gary Schneeberger:

I'm going to jump in, Warwick, before you say what you're going to say, because I saw you with that look of recognition on your face.

I would not be serving the listeners to this podcast well, as well as I want to, if I didn't point out what to me is breathtakingly obvious. The stories that you're telling, Eryn, and the stories that Warwick has shared on this show over close to 150 episodes are incredibly similar. I'm reading from your webpage, "We exist to remind you that no matter your history, past mistakes, career choice, relationship status, or the history you've come from, you are worthy of love." That could be with a slight modification at the end, none of that defines you, that could be on Beyond the Crucible website. The words that you use to describe your experiences are remarkably similar, and your stories are remarkably dissimilar.

That's the beauty of this forum. That's the beauty of recognizing that your worst moment doesn't define you. Your worst feelings about yourself don't define you. Some things just are, and So Worth Loving is one thing that just is just as being able to move beyond your crucible just is if you learn the lessons, and you apply it. So I'm done pontificating on behalf of the listener, and I turn it back over to you, Warwick, the host.




Warwick Fairfax:

No. Well, well said Gary, extremely well said. Obviously, I've been thinking that the whole time I read the book and the whole time we've been talking, but obviously I wanted you to share your story and not me just go on, but I mean, I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I mean, to me, part of my journey has been a journey of self-acceptance, a journey that I'm okay. I know that somebody wrote a song a long time ago, I think maybe it was a Christian song called Broken and Beautiful, something like that, and then that theme has obviously come up elsewhere.

And I love that phrase because for me as, again, listeners would know growing up in a large family media business, heir apparent, my notion was my desire is irrelevant. It's all about duty and living up to my parents', especially my father's dreams, and working hard at school, getting good grades, Oxford, Wall Street, Harvard Business School, I mean all about... None of it was about my own desires. It was all about fulfilling what I thought was a sacred duty. I mean, not to go on too much, but the company was founded by a believer, the strongest businessman for Christ as I have ever come across. Now, the faith became more traditional with the generations, so then when it all ended and after my $2 million takeover failed, and my wife is American, we moved to America in the early nineties, there was this sense of how could I have been so dumb, and incredible self incrimination, and how could I have caused this much damage?

And so for me, it was coming to a sense of self-acceptance. It's okay to be me. Yes, I've made some mistakes. I have my quirks. When things like that happen, it does have consequences. There's damage. I'm pretty functional. I had my own share of counseling, but part of the journey that we all go through is just being comfortable in our own skins, being comfortable with who we are. Obviously, for you, you write about this, being comfortable being a slight build and 4'11, and you probably are now, but there was a time in which why couldn't I been a tad taller, 5'3, 5'4, 5'2, something? So I get it. I mean for me, without boring with it all, I'm not unathletic, but I've never really been an athlete.

It's funny, when we first got married, my wife was one of six, so she is four brothers and a sister, and they're all over six feet, and they're athletes, and it's like that was not me. So fortunately my wife, Gail, that wasn't high on her list to marry some six foot plus athlete, fortunately, but I'm somebody that I don't like competition. A lot of guys just razzing each other and having a bet on a dollar hole in golf, I hate that. So there's things about me that feel like, "Well, I don't know any guy that's like me that hates competition." Maybe there are. We don't need to psychoanalyze it.

I'm sure there are reasons, but it's like I'm now over 60. It's like that's okay. I have areas where I'm broken. There are things I hate doing, like I don't like competition. I don't like that whole sort of thing. That's okay. I can live with that. I'm not going to go into intense therapy to try and heal my anti competitiveness. That's okay. It's okay. I've accepted it. There was a time when I just felt terrible about myself over things like that, over lies. So anyway, enough about me, but I guess part of the journey for all of us is just self-acceptance that I am worth loving, that I am okay. I mean, I'm blessed to be married to a girl I met a lot of years ago. We've been married over 30 years, and I accept her. She accepts me, and I mean, that's just an indescribable gift that every day, and obviously that's where I tear up. There's not one day that I don't say, "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, God." Not one day.

Again, too much talking. My dad was married three times, my mother twice, so I don't take that for granted. So anyway, all that's to say is there's this notion of being broken but beautiful. Yes, we have our quirks, we have our issues, but yet God still loves us. We are worth loving despite our brokenness. Does that make sense? And forgive the long-winded explanation, but does that make sense, Eryn?




Eryn Eddy:

Absolutely. That's so beautiful. That's so beautifully said. And self-acceptance, you're right. It's like if we can just go, "This is just how I am, and there's nothing wrong with that." As hard as I will work to be structured, I'm just not wired that way, and my sweet man is very structured, and I'm grateful that he just accepts the fact that I am a little bit messy, but you're right, self-acceptance. When you shared just being with somebody that can accept you for who you are, they model what you want to do for yourself, and it's to accept who you are, and to not have to explain it. You're right. I mean, I stopped growing in fifth grade, and that's probably when - I repeated fifth grade too, so a lot happened in fifth grade. Lots of things happened in me desiring to be taller, or look a certain way, or be wired mentally a certain way, that if we can all just go, "You know what? Whatever society says is the best of the best is not true," we can have more freedom to embrace who we are.




Gary Schneeberger:

We're at a point in the show where I normally say, "The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign, which indicates it's about time to land the plane, but we're not quite there yet." Because the title of the series is Burn the Ships, I've got to think of a better metaphor involving captains of ships. I don't know what they do when it's time to dock, but I'll research that for the next time. Two things I want to say before I then hand it back over to Warwick. One is this, I've co-hosted with Warwick about 145, 148 of these, and I'm going to end saying something to you, and I'm going to do it without looking at my notes, and I want to look right in your face and tell you this. When you burned your ships, you lit the seas for others, and that is a beautiful, beautiful, important, resonant thing. Please absorb that, because that's come through loud and clear in this conversation.




Eryn Eddy:

Thank you so much, Gary. I receive that. I'm going to have you email that to me too, so I can write that down, because that was beautiful.




Gary Schneeberger:

I will do that. The other thing that I have to end on here before I get off stage, as it were, is I would be absolutely remiss if I did not give our listeners the opportunity to hear from you how they can find out more about So Worth Loving. So where can they find you in the worldwide web? How can they get ahold of you and find out more about So Worth Loving?




Eryn Eddy:

Yeah. They can go to Soworthloving.com. And then we're all on social media. It's all So Worth Loving, and then I'm a co-host to a podcast called God Hears Her where we talk about conversations and questions on if God actually hears us, and that's been a real joy of mine as well. So you can find us there too, or me, find me there. You can also find me, Eryn Eddy, E-R-Y-N E-D-D-Y on Instagram, Facebook, all those places.




Gary Schneeberger:

Awesome. Well, as a bravo for co-hosts of a podcast, bravo for us, because I finally met another co-host that's excellent. Warwick, as the host, it's your prerogative to take us home, to land the plane, so take it away.




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, Eryn, thank you so much. I mean, this is really inspiring. Your book was inspiring. I could relate to so much of it, certainly in my own life. I imagine in yours there are words like redemption, healing, I don't know, acceptance. There's all sorts of words. I mean we all have even as we're doing well, there are still days in which maybe we fall off the wagon, if you will, or a bad thought comes in, a lie, and we now have tools to deal with it, so we bounce back a little quicker, hopefully, but I mean, I feel like your story is one of redemption, is calling lies what they are, lies, being able to use your brokenness, your wounds to help others, and that to me is where it's really a purpose of God, purpose filled journey.

I remember early on in my walk back in the early nineties, a friend gave me this... It was a faith-based book. I think it was... Somehow I remember the author, R.T. Kendall. It was about the story of Joseph, and there's that famous line at the end of, I don't know, it's like Genesis 50, somewhere around there in which it says, "They meant it for evil, but God meant it for good," and obviously some would know the backstory is Joseph's brothers threw him literally in a pit, and then he was sold into slavery, and went to Egypt, and ended up being the pharaoh's right-hand man, prime minister, if you will, but God had a purpose with that pain, and I think God had a purpose and the pain I went through, and clearly from my faith perspective, God had a purpose in the pain that you've gone through.

You think how many women, how many people wouldn't have been helped if you hadn't gone through. So if you say, "Well, why don't I have to go through all this?" Well, maybe we see through a glass dimly. Maybe you'll get a fuller answer one day. I think you will. And look at all the people that you've helped, and that was my purpose, and the sense that just how much healing and hope, and that's part of why I do what I do and you do what you do is I share what I've been through not to sort of wallow in gloom and darkness, but just to try and give people hope.

And so people are going to be listening to this and say, "If Eryn can come back from what she's been through, maybe there is hope. Maybe I am worth loving." So as we sometimes often do just, there may be people listening, women, men, who may feel like today is their worst day. They may feel like, "Nobody loves me. I'm not worth loving. I will never be worth loving. I'm broken. I'm awful. I shouldn't exist." What word of hope would you give to that person? Maybe today's their worst day. Maybe they think "There's no way I could ever be worth loving." What word of hope would you give that person?




Eryn Eddy:

To the person that's listening right now that is in that headspace of just feeling like they don't want to exist, maybe feeling completely weighted down by the choices that they've made, or words that somebody said over them, or a circumstance that they're currently in, I do want to remind that person that this moment right now is temporary. It's not your forever, and there are safe people around you that want to help carry the weight, and you can't do it alone, and you aren't alone. And I just want to remind that person that celebrate the little victories, and don't be critical or hard on yourself if you can't... What feels like would be a big step, and you can't do the big step, don't worry about the big step. Do the small steps, because the small steps will be an accumulation of a big step.

And so that could look like it's hard to get out of bed. Make a goal to get out of bed and brush your teeth, and let that be the victory today. Wherever you are right now, and whatever you choose right now is enough, and keep making small steps, and find the safe people to share, so that they can help carry the weight. And I would just remind them too, that they are absolutely worthy of love. They are valued, and they have a place here in this world, and we want you to take up space, because you are worthy to do that just as you are right now in your mess.




Gary Schneeberger:

I have been in the communications business long enough, way longer than enough to know when the last word on the subject has been spoken, and, Eryn Eddy, you've just spoken it. Listener, until the next time we're together, remember we are in the midst of a series that we're calling Burn the Ships, and there's a central truth that came out of this conversation with Eryn that will come out of the conversations we have subsequent to this, and that's this, if your ships are not sailing in the direction you wish they were sailing, if you feel like you are drifting off course, light a match. We'll see you next week.

Hi, friends. You heard during that show Warwick and I talk about our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance. We wanted to give you one more chance before this week is over to sign up for that course if you're interested. All you have to do is go to Secondactsignificance.com, and as a bonus, if you go before the end of February, you'll save 23% off the price of the course. Just input the code 23 for 23. We hope you enjoy it, and we'll see you next week.

The ultimate hope of every one of us is to live a life worthy of being remembered. If that’s something you’ve been thinking about during this season of New Year’s resolutions, you’ve come to the right podcast. This week, Beyond the Crucible founder Warwick Fairfax unpacks his timely new blog about ways you can commit in 2023 to live in a way that is true to who you are, anchored in a vision that is uniquely yours and therefore uniquely satisfying and significant. He discusses seven key steps you can begin taking today to seize the benefits of authenticity – from understanding your design to reflecting on your beliefs, from focusing on what you’re passionate about to surrounding yourself with a supportive team of fellow travelers. As Warwick says, the effort is worth it because your life matters!

Highlights

Transcript

Gary Schneeberger:

We've just turned the calendar to a new year. What better time to turn the page to a more fulfilling life? That's exactly the journey Beyond The Crucible has charted for you in our e-course, Discover Your Second Act Significance. The three module video course will equip you to transform your life from, "Is this all there is?" to, "This is all I've ever wanted." Each session is led by Beyond The Crucible founder Warwick Fairfax, who shares his own hard won successes in turning trials into triumphs.




Gary Schneeberger:

And he's got some high powered help from USA Today's Gratitude Guru to a runner up on TV's Project Runway. It's an ensemble of men and women living significant second acts who would command a six figure price tag if any business wanted to fill an auditorium with them to coach their employees. But we've packed their insights and action steps into our course for a sliver of that cost. And if you act before the end of January, you'll get 23% off your enrollment. Just visit secondactsignificance.com and use the code 23 for 23. So don't delay. Enroll today, and remember, life's too short to live a life you don't love. Now, here's today's podcast episode.




Warwick Fairfax:

Welcome to Beyond The Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Crucible Leadership. We're designed for a purpose, so if you want to feel joyful and fulfilled, follow the owner's manual. Follow the manual of the designer. Some people have used the whole analogy of the clockmaker. We're designed for a certain purpose. And so for those gears to function well, for there not to be sand in them, if you follow your design and your inherent purpose, those gears and their clock will start flying. You will have joy, you'll have fulfillment, which ultimately everybody wants. Everybody wants a legacy that they can be proud of. We all have an end date, but we want our friends and family, our kids, grandkids, cousins, coworkers, we want them to be proud of us.




Gary Schneeberger:

The ultimate hope of every one of us: to live a life worthy of being remembered. If that's something you've been thinking about during this season of New Year's resolutions, you've come to the right podcast. Hi, I'm Gary Schneeberger, co-host of the show. This week Beyond The Crucible founder Warwick Fairfax and I unpack his timely new blog about ways you can commit in 2023 to live in a way that is true to who you are anchored in a vision that is uniquely yours and therefore uniquely satisfying and significant.




Gary Schneeberger:

We discuss seven key steps you can begin taking today to seize the benefits of authenticity from understanding your design, to reflecting on your beliefs, from focusing on what you're passionate about, to surrounding yourself with a supportive team of fellow travelers. As Warwick says, the effort is worth it because your life matters. Warwick, this is the first time in a while that we've done one of these, what we call on the inside here, dialogue episodes. Translation to you the listener, that just means there's no guest. And Warwick and I are going to mind some of the principles of Beyond The Crucible, and it's really a great time to get to hear from Warwick about his ever-evolving, ever-growing perspective on what are the insights of Beyond The Crucible. So I'm excited about it, Warwick, I think you might be too.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. And it's indeed the first dialogue of the year. So there you go.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, and the fact that it's a new year is going to figure prominently into what we talk about. Very good. That was very co-hosting of you, Warwick, to connect the dialogue to what the next ... You've just laid an on-ramp for me to get going about what this episode is about. And this episode is about Warwick's latest blog at beyondthecrucible.com, which is timed to this time of year, this new time of year, this time of New Year. And it's an interesting blog for Warwick to write. Here's why. And he'll tell you in detail why this is true. But Warwick is not Mr. New Year's Resolution. In fact, a few years ago, two, three years ago, we actually did a podcast episode work, if you remember, about don't be a resolutionary, be a revolutionary and do some things rather than set resolutions. So you're not a big resolution guy, are you?




Warwick Fairfax:

No, I'm not. I mean, new year's resolution, eat right, lose weight, exercise, be more organized, disciplined. I mean, that all sounds good. The gyms fill up in the first few weeks in January and then come February they empty out and then you don't accomplish your New Year's resolutions and then you feel bad about yourself and it's easy to think cynically, "Gosh, I would've been in better shape if I hadn't made that resolution because now I wouldn't have the inevitable fail. Hey, I'm a few weeks into the year and I'm starting the year on a failure." So there's something about New Year's resolutions that you make all of these resolutions, maybe you make too many of them and the steps are too bold and what you want to accomplish is too fast too soon and you fail. So something about New Year's resolutions. I've never been a big fan also, so you're right.




Gary Schneeberger:

Well, I have to confess, I am a kind of New Year's resolutioner. In fact, I set one this year. My resolution for this year for the podcast in particular is to dress more reservedly for our show. So how am I doing on the first show? How am I doing?




Warwick Fairfax:

Well, I think you might have missed that one.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, well, I've got a lot of time. If you're not watching us on YouTube, listener, and you're just hearing us on audio, I'm wearing a bright yellow, canary yellow Dick Tracy hat and a checkered sport coat with a big flower in it. So yes, I am still my flamboyant self. That was a joke. I have not made a resolution to do that, but I wanted to see if you would assess me correctly and you did, so bravo. But all of that said, all joking aside about resolutions, this blog does say, as close as I've ever heard you come to saying, "Okay, if you're going to do it, if you're not going to abandon the concept altogether, here's a resolution worth making and here's a resolution worth keeping and here's a resolution frankly, that over the course of time you can keep. It's not a one and done kind of resolution. It's a process resolution." And what is that resolution if you had to sum it up?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's really being yourself, being here, we're designed to be not so much what others people think. It's just being you. So one way of looking at it is don't make resolutions that are against who you are. So me, I am in terms of my demeanor and I'm somewhat more conservative. So me dressing flamboyantly, A, it would be uncomfortable, because it wouldn't be me. On the other hand, you dressing a bit more flamboyantly, you're being true to who you are. So making a resolution that goes against your true inner self wouldn't be the smartest idea. It'd almost to say wrong.




Warwick Fairfax:

So really, if you're going to make a resolution, I'd say make it one that says this year I'm going to stop pretending. I'm going to stop acting. I'm going to stop being who everybody wants me to be. I'm going to be more truly who I am and live in light of my own inner purpose. Forget the masks, forget the metaphorical costumes, if you will. I'm going to be me and people may like it or not like it, but I'm going to live in light of my purpose and I'm going to be me, my true self, my true inner self down to the depths of my soul and not what other people, society, the world want me to be. So that's in a sense, if you got to make a resolution, that, I think, is worth making, just every year you should be thinking that.




Gary Schneeberger:

It's the kind of thing that it's not a one and done, making that determination, this is how I'm going to live my life in light of my design, my passions, my purpose. Life has a way, and you talk about this in the blog, life has a way of chipping away at that. You can be walking along great on that path and you can get knocked off it somewhat if not easily, somewhat often for sure by just what life throws at you, by what your mind throws at you, by your doubts and those kinds of things. So it is important and it is a journey, isn't it? It's not something that you can say, "Okay, on January 1st, this is what I'm going to do." You can make that declaration, but you have to live it out and it's okay. In fact, expect to stumble a bit as you're going through it because life is not always a friend to those who want to live in light of their design and personality and giftings. Is it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, it's well said. I think of that book, Mission Drift, which has more of a faith connotation, it really talks about how the mission of some of the oldest universities in the US drifted from their founder's purpose. But more broadly, you can have a vision, a purpose for your life, but then maybe you graduate from college, you get your first job at let's say a, I don't know, law firm or something, and they say, "Well, you got to dress corporate, be more corporate, talk more corporate." And part of that's fine, you want to dress appropriately for the job you're in, but pretty soon it can chip away at kind of who you are.




Warwick Fairfax:

Don't really speak your mind, you've got to just tow the party line. And pretty soon a little bit by a little bit, almost like that old aphorism of the lobster boiling, the person you thought you were in 10, 20 years has evolved to such a point that maybe your friends, if you go to a college or high school reunion, say, "Joe, Mary, I don't recognize who you are. I mean, you're just totally different. There's so many masks on top, I don't even know if the real you is there anymore."




Warwick Fairfax:

And you didn't plan it, you didn't intend it. But by little bit, by little bit, one little compromise leads to another, again, to use back to Mission Drift, it's like a big ocean liner. You can make a two or three degree change in course over the course of a few hours and a 10, 20 miles, you've shifted way, way off course. So as you rightly say, it's not one and done. This is something that life ... It's not necessarily people have this grand plan to shift you off center. It just happens. Life throws you all sorts of circumstances at work and at home. And so you've got to understand who you are and realize life will tend to want to shift you off center and try to stop that happening a bit at a time. And every year you want to think, "Okay, have I shifted off of the center and if I have, let me get back again." So it's not one and done. Life will continue to try to pull it its way and not your way. It's sort of almost a lifelong battle, if you will.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right, right. And it is something that we talk about here at Beyond The Crucible quite a bit. And in fact, a lot of that is the subject of our e-course, Discover Your Second Act Significance, and that is when, right your need to do that comes in when it's not other people who are saying, "Hey Gary, you've changed from what it seemed like your goals and design was." It's not external as much as it's internal. It's that place where you feel stuck. It's that place where you feel like you're living with a lot of discontentment. It's that place where you ask yourself, "Okay, I've been doing this for a while, this life game I've been playing and is this all there is to it? I thought there'd be more." So there is an internal battle there too, and that's really what Discover Your Second Act Significance is designed to help people do is get off that high center, get off being stuck in that place where they're not living a life that's authentic to them, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, very often, and this is part of our discussion, is we're not living in light of our life's purpose, of our vision. We're just being sensible. All things being equal, that sense of being stuck and just this inner frustration, that smoldering discontent, the flame will get bigger and bigger almost inevitably, if you ignore who you are. You don't want to be in that stuck place. It's its own crucible that maybe may feel like a pretty big crucible if you get stock for too long.




Gary Schneeberger:

And we've mentioned the e-course, Discover Your Second Act Significance a couple times. You can go right now, we'll wait, put us on pause, go to secondactsignificance.com and you can sign up for that course. We have assembled six people from our podcast who bring perspective into that e-course. And if a company wanted to hire, pay all those six people to go speak to their teams, it would be a six figure bill to hire all of those very excellent speakers, USA Today's Gratitude Guru, the runner up on Project Runway. But for a sliver of that cost, you can get their perspective as well as Warwick's on how to move beyond your second act significance. Speaking of that, we're going to move into the blog. I want to read sort of the setup, the last setup that you had before you get into the points of the blog, Warwick, just to set the stage.




Gary Schneeberger:

You say in your blog, "We have a duty to ourselves to be who we were designed to be. For people of faith, we have a duty to be who God designed us to be. We were designed for a purpose to have an impact for good in the world. To be clear, it's not a competition to see who can have the biggest impact, important point. Impact can be in the eye as a beholder." I love that phrase. That should go on a bumper sticker. "It's about being true to who you are, true to our design and to our purpose." That's sort of the stage setter, isn't it? There's seven points in your blog that we're going to go through. So that's really the critical thing that listeners should have in their minds as we move on is that's what you're looking for. You're looking for your design and then in your design, living out your purpose, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely, Gary. I mean, from my faith perspective, we're all designed by God for a purpose. Whatever your religious, spiritual or value perspective, I honestly believe we are designed for a purpose. There's a creator, there's a designer, and I'm not big into obligation, but in my mind, we have an obligation to live in light of how we're designed and just to try and discern what our life's purpose is. If you want joy, fulfillment, if you want to live a true life of significance, it's living in light of our design and living in light of our purpose.




Warwick Fairfax:

If you ignore your design, if you ignore that purpose that you are created to be, then that's almost a guarantee of frustration, of misery and you won't be joyful and fulfilled. So just understanding that we're here for a reason, for a purpose, and that can be very different for each person. It might not seem big to others or impactful to others, but it is to you. It's not about the size or how other people see it. It's being true to who you are. Maybe it has a global impact, maybe it has an impact on your neighborhood or with your friends or your family. The size is not really relevant. It's more just being true to who you are and why you were put on this earth.




Gary Schneeberger:

So let's dive into the points you make, these seven points you make. One thing I want to say before we get into them, listener, you'll have heard these points if you're a longtime listener, even a short time listener to this podcast. And Warwick, can you believe the episode of this show right now that we're recording is episode 149? So we are one off from 150 episodes. So through the course of those episodes, the things that we're going to talk about here, you probably have heard before, why is it important to talk about again?




Gary Schneeberger:

Because this is sort of Beyond The Crucible 101. The discussion that we're going to have here is a quick summary of those things that help you move from, "is this all there is" to a life of significance, that help you bounce back, bounce beyond, move through your crucibles to a life of significance. And the first step, Warwick, in this process in your blog is admit you have a problem. What does that mean? And for people who are out there thinking, "I don't have a problem," what would you say to them? So what does admit you have a problem mean? How do you do that? And then how do you answer those who say, "Well, that's not me"?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I think there are some people that might be saying, "I know what my life's purpose, I'm living a lot of my design. Not every day is Disneyland, but I have joy and fulfillment." And I'd say, "Fantastic. Maybe this is a refresher. Maybe you can use this to encourage others that maybe don't have that." But the sad thing is there are many people, I don't know if it's the majority, it feels that way to me at times who don't necessarily have an understanding of who they were designed to be or their inner purpose.




Warwick Fairfax:

And if you say, "Hey, my inner purpose is all about me, it's about money, power, and me being number one," I'd say I don't really believe to be judgmental for a second that that really could be your inner purpose because I believe where we're designed, as we say on Beyond The Crucible, all the time to lead lives of significance, which means lives on purpose, focused on others. So if you say, "My life's purpose is all about me, and number one," that is not in line with the paradigm we talk about Beyond The Crucible, right? Life is meant to be other focused. And if it's all about you and some narcissistic vision, you have every right to follow that. But I don't believe that. We don't believe that leads to happiness.




Gary Schneeberger:

The other thing that I would add there is based on what you said earlier, and I didn't think about it until you said it earlier, but admit you have a problem, another way to look at that will be assess often whether you have a problem because you talked about Mission Drift. And even if right now as you're hearing my voice, you're like, "I don't have a problem," by the time the podcast ends, you could have a problem because there can be mission drift. Life can throw things at you that can knock you off course. So being mindful of these principles and being mindful of asking yourself that question, do I have a problem? And if you do, confronting it, as you say in another context about confronting your crucible, run toward the storm, doing that is critically important, isn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Well said. So really before you say admit you have a problem, how do I know of a problem in the first place? Some of the things we've been talking about, almost like going to the doctor. The doctor will ask you about symptoms. And so you might ask yourself, do I feel stuck? Do I feel frustrated? Do I feel like my life is drifting and I don't really know my life's purpose? And I get frustrated, I get angry. I take it out on people I love. Because when you're angry or frustrated, you typically take it out on the people you love most. It's just because they're close by and it's just the way life works. Human psychology doesn't make it right or good, but it's normal. So are you feeling stuck, apathetic? It's like, yeah, I'm not depressed, but I just feel kind of numb basically in life.




Warwick Fairfax:

I'm just drifting through life. Life's okay, you're not meant to be happy. I just earn a paycheck to enjoy myself on the weekend and then come Monday and oh my gosh, I got to go to work again. And just the treadmill begins. If life is just gray and drab, I would say you have a problem. If you're not feeling joyful, unfulfilled, not every second, but overall and you're feeling stuck and frustrated and smoldering discontent, then you have a problem. Those are all clear symptoms that whether you admit it or not, that you have a problem.




Warwick Fairfax:

So if you are feeling all those symptoms I just described, then I think you've got to be honest with yourself and say, "You know what? I do have a problem." As they say in, we all know that phrase in the Apollo's space program, "Houston, we have a problem." It's just the first step. If you're feeling that sense of stuck and smoldering, discontent and drifting through life, maybe you had a purpose at one point, but maybe the shine has gone off a bit and you felt like you've drifted, you can have a purpose. And then I don't about lose it, but life can be getting more gray than technicolor. So first step is admit you have a problem. Because unless you admit you have a problem, nothing you can do after that. Just be honest with yourself. That's the first step.




Gary Schneeberger:

And you do not know this about me, I've never said this, but what you just said prompted. That's why I love these conversations because things come out that we haven't planned. But I was in that exact spot. I was in that exact spot when I was finishing up at, I was at Focus On The Family for 12 years. I was the vice president of communications. If the organization, for whatever reason, would've had to shut down, I would've been one of the last three people to go because I had that much job security. I liked it. It was fun. But did it challenge me? Not really. Did I feel like I was really living a life on purpose that I hadn't already sort of walked this path before? Was every day kind of Groundhog Day, it was sort of the same day over?




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. It felt a little like that. So what did I do? I left a secure executive position in a large global nonprofit ministry and went to Hollywood to promote movies. People looked at me like I was nuts. Why would you let go of the "security" of what you had for the insecurity of where you were going? And it was exactly what we're going to talk about here is I was at a point where I didn't feel stuck so much as I felt like there's got to be another gear. There's got to be something else that I can do with the talents I've been given to do something good for the world to make, as you say here, to make a difference with your purpose doesn't have to be huge. Helping movies open up well isn't really huge. But that was something that I never realized. I had that moment. So it's important. I always have felt like in my professional career, I've been living out of my purpose. But what you just said there helped me realize, and for that time I was not.




Warwick Fairfax:

Really the next step, once you've admitted you have a problem and it can come from different angles, drift, you had a purpose, its kind of shine has gone off a bit. You're frustrated, the smoldering discontent, you're stuck, variety of symptoms. Not everybody has the same symptoms, but there's a collection of them. So we've covered that. So the second one is asserting that you have a right to have your own purpose and calling. It's one thing to admit you have a problem that you might say, "Well, life is meant to be difficult." We had a former prime minister in Australia back in the '70s who in a moment of madness said, "Life is not meant to be easy." Who says that as part of their reelection campaign? It's not really good. It's honest, but it's not a winning political strategy. He amazingly, he won that election despite that phrase and became prime minister.




Warwick Fairfax:

But so the point is you can say life is not meant to be easy, true. But I think you want to assert the fact that you have a right to your own purpose and calling. You have a right and it can lead to joy, fulfillment, I believe it will. If you are, doesn't mean the circumstances in life will be easy, but admitting you have a problem is one thing, but asserting you have, from my perspective, the God-given right to live in light of how you were designed and your purpose. And it's not about making other people happy. Put a stake in the ground, a line of the sand saying, "I have the right to live in light of my purpose and I am going to do it."




Gary Schneeberger:

And you more, Warwick Fairfax, you more than believe that to be true. You know it to be true. That is the story of your life. I have heard you say, Warwick, several times that when you were growing up in the family media business and you were the heir apparent, it never occurred to you, you've said that you could have a vision. It never occurred to you that you could have goals for your life. You were the next generation to lead John Fairfax Limited. So you know what that's like. So tell listeners, what is that? What does that feel like when you don't feel like you have the authority to pursue your own purpose and calling?




Warwick Fairfax:

It's an interesting question. So as I look at these first two questions, I would say growing up in 150 year old family media business, founded by my great-great grandfather, John Fairfax, this billion dollar company in newspapers, TV, radio, it was massive. I'd first say, well, I don't have a problem because I have no right to my own joy and fulfillment and happiness. That's selfish. I'm here on this earth to carry on this media empire for another generation. It's here to serve the community, to have newspapers that serve the country of Australia. If you wanted to spiritualize it incorrectly, God has put me on here this earth for this reason, and my happiness is irrelevant and I've got a duty to God and my family and that's twisting things, but that's how I felt. And so therefore, on the second point, I absolutely felt that I had no right to have my own purpose and calling.




Warwick Fairfax:

That's selfish. My happiness is irrelevant. So therefore, I worked hard at school, went to Oxford like my dad and grandfather and some other relatives, worked in Wall Street, got my Harvard MBA at Harvard Business School. None of it was about what I wanted. Do I have this fascination with business? Not really. I understand it, obviously, but it's not like I want to read about every corporate takeover or which company's doing well and what's the latest earnings per share forecast. Let me comb through the Wall Street Journal just to figure all that out. I could do it if I wanted, but it's not really my passion.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that was, as you just hinted at there, that was both from external forces, right? Your family, but also some of that bubbled up within you. It wasn't just that you were sort of held to the standard by the legacy. You felt like that, you yourself felt like that was your lot in life. So it was a very heavy mixture of those two things, and that made it even harder, I would imagine, to break free from it.




Warwick Fairfax:

It made it impossible. I think as I've sometimes said, listeners know obviously that in late August '87 launched the $2.25 billion take of it three years later failed, basically. There's no way I ever could have left. Nobody could have convinced me. I mean, I pretty much, maybe not a hundred percent certain, but about 99.9% certain there's no way I could have left without the company falling into bankruptcy and continues on, but not with family being in control. So yeah, why it was so hard is it was founded by a person of strong Christian faith. Faith was very important to me. It was doing good for the country. We never did, as we say in Australia, favors for mates, as some media folks do, whatever our own internal political beliefs were. It was an independent paper that would hold politicians and business folks to account and the editors and journalists of the Sydney Morning Herald in Sydney for instance, they knew that.




Warwick Fairfax:

They knew that it was without fear of favor or what have you and that's doesn't always happen. So how could I not want to be part of a company and a sacred cause that would help the nation? It was important. So to me, not going into the family business would be saying like, "I don't care about my family, my ancestors or my country." It was almost impossible to ignore that. I mean, I'm very wide in terms of duty. It's like don't I care about my family, about my country? I mean, it felt to mischaracterize, I've never been in the military, it almost feels like it was World War II and your country is calling you. Don't you want to fight for your country? Don't you care? Don't care about freedom? I mean, how can you say no to that? I think for most people in the greatest generation that it's been called in World War II, there's no way you could say no. That may be a poor analogy. I think it is. Didn't feel that way when I was younger. It felt exactly the right analogy.




Gary Schneeberger:

Right. Well, the good news for you and the good news for listeners is that that was point two of your blog. There's a point three. Before we get to point three, I want to read a quote. I pulled a couple quotes from some of the things that you talk about, and this is from Margaret Thatcher, the former Prime Minister of England, who asked this on this subject of purpose. "What is success? I think it's a mixture of having a flare for the thing that you are doing, knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose." That's how Margaret Thatcher describes success is everything emanating from a certain sense of purpose. So the way back for you, the way back for people who find themselves feeling like in point two, they don't have the right to their own purpose and calling. Point three in your blog is to understand your design. Why is that so critical? Why is that so important, that first thing that you come to understand about yourself being your design?




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, that was the first step for me, and I think it's the first step for all of us is that, again, back to sort of the spiritual frame of reference, I believe we're all designed by God, our creator, a certain way, and I don't think it makes any sense to live against that design. Forget even spirituality. That's just dumb basically. So if you know ...




Gary Schneeberger:

In a technical term, in a leadership term, that is dumb. Yes. Thank you.




Warwick Fairfax:

Exactly. That's right. D-U-M-B. Yes. So we're all different. Some may be athletic, some may be artistic, some may be mathematical, scientific, some may be writers, business folks, salespeople, researchers. And that's the beauty of humanity is we're all so different in so many different ways. So if you're artistic and love painting, to go and be an actuary in an insurance company, which is heavily mathematical, makes no sense. Now, I think a lot of us wouldn't be quite that stupid to do that, but at the margins, just because you can write doesn't mean you should be a lawyer.




Warwick Fairfax:

Even if you're artistic, maybe being an architect makes sense, but maybe you think, "Yeah. But what I'd really love to do is design sculptures," and you've got to be a bit more creative in terms of how you make ends meet, but you've got to be true to yourself. So understanding your design is critical. And we talk a lot at Beyond The Crucible, a number of tried and true assessments, whether it's Myers Briggs, Strengths Finder, Enneagram, there's a number of good ones. As an international coach Federation, ICF Certified Executive Coach, obviously, I'm a big advocate of coaching. So if you're able to get an assessment and then hire a coach, or if you're lucky, maybe have a friend that's a coach with some training, that can be very helpful talking it through, what does a design mean for you in your life? That's really the first step. And for me, just to personalize it, I'm basically a reflective advisor, quiet, reserved, certainly in my younger days. I'm not a take no prisoners' corporate raider, although I did do a hostile takeover, I guess. Wasn't my intention.




Gary Schneeberger:

It wasn't your design. But yes.




Warwick Fairfax:

It was seen that way. But yeah, I'm a reflective advisor, and so being in charge of a 4,000 person, $700 million in revenue company at the time, it made no sense. What I do now, at Beyond The Crucible with the podcast and blogs and my book, Crucible Leadership, it makes so much more sense.




Gary Schneeberger:

This idea of design being where it starts, because so many things emanate from our design, the way that we're wired. I mean, the way that your speakers are wired on your audio system affects how it sounds. The way that you're wired affects the things that you do, what you can do, what you can't do, what you've enjoyed to do, what you're not so thrilled about doing. That's really ground zero for where you're going to find your purpose is the way in which you've been created. So exercising that, pushing those levers, pulling those levers, the right ones in the right direction is what helps you then move on to the next step. And the next step in your blog, Warwick, point four, is to reflect on what you believe. So we start out with understand your design, and then after your design, you then go into your belief. What are the key principles behind that step?




Warwick Fairfax:

We all believe in something, and I think one of the keys to living a life on purpose is to understand what you believe, whether it's spiritual, religious values, write it down, talk to folks. But you've got to, again, it's not about others or society it's, you've got to be true to yourself. And part of being true to yourself is not just being true to how you design, but being true to what you believe about life and values and spirituality or religious way of thought. You've got to get in touch with that. To ignore that is to ignore your soul, which makes no sense. Bad things happen when you ignore your soul and who you divinely are and what you believe.




Gary Schneeberger:

That point reflect on what you believe. I found a quote that sort of summarizes it in this context about living your life's purpose, but also in the context of overcoming crucibles. This is from Thomas Paine, the American founding father who said this, "I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." That is a recipe for overcoming a crucible. It's also a recipe for living out of your purpose, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. I think if you look at the founding fathers, back in the late 1700s, people would talk about values and what their highest values were, what their favorite character traits were, who their heroes were, and what character traits about those heroes that they valued. We didn't always talk about that, but back then it mattered to George Washington, Thomas Paine, to Thomas Jefferson. It mattered to these folks because they knew they needed to be in line with their values and believe some of these people were very religious, were Christian. Some were more, as they say back then, were deists, which is more, I believe there's a God up there. I don't know that I'm specifically religious. I'm not a church goer, but I believe there's a supreme being. So he had a variety of different people on the spiritual spectrum, but they all believed you need to know what you believe and you need to understand your values and live in light of them. There was universal agreement. It was the core of being a man or woman who wouldn't have an impact in the world. Nobody disagreed with that kind of stuff.




Gary Schneeberger:

And I mean, they all lived it, right? I mean, we're on the precipice right now. Our next episode is going to be the start of our series, Burn The Ships. People who have made brave decisions to let go of, here's what I have been doing, I'm going to pursue something completely different because that's my passion. Every single one of the founding fathers burned their ships after, frankly, some of their ships got burned by the British. So it all kind of fits together, but all right, before we move on to the fifth point, let's just reset that what we're talking about, we're talking about a non-New Year's resolution resolution.




Gary Schneeberger:

Warwick and I've talked about is it's not a resolution, it's a life solution. It's a way to live your life, to make sure you're following your principles that leads to your purpose, that leads to your significance. The fifth point that you mentioned in your blog at beyondthecrucible.com is to focus on what you're passionate about. So just to set the stage here, there are three things in a row, point three, four and five. It goes from design to belief to passion, focus on what you're passionate about. Why is that so critical?




Warwick Fairfax:

So you know how you're designed, you know what you believe, and one of the keys to finding our life's purpose, our life's vision is to understand what you're passionate about. You know you're in the right place where it's in line with your design. It's in line with what you believe and you're off the charts passionate about it. That is a sure symptom, if you will, of not a disease, but a symptom of the fact that you were living your purpose and your purpose is in that territory. You might not have a photorealism painting of the precise vision, precise purpose, but you have an inkling of the direction. It's maybe more of like an impressionist painting.




Warwick Fairfax:

The direction need to be headed, and by heading in that direction, more clarity will come. And so that passion can come from a couple different ways, at least from my perspective. It can come from things that you daydream about. Maybe you're a kid lying in bed looking at the stars and gosh, wouldn't it be great if this happened? Or an invention or a way of thinking, a business, you just couldn't start from daydreaming about it. You just kept thinking about it. A lot of us have had those thoughts, or for many of our guests on Beyond The Crucible, it can come out of a crucible, a soul crushing, soul searing crucible. It might be, I never want anybody to suffer what I've suffered.




Warwick Fairfax:

And it could be a business failure, it could be some sort of tragedy like abuse for instance. It's abuse will happen, but it might be I want to do my level best to prevent other people going through what I went through. And one life saved from what you went through is a massive impact. So it could be from a positive, I have this dream, I wish it would happen, or it could be, I never want anybody to go through what I went through or if they had to go through what I went through, I want to help them bounce back as quickly and as wholly as possible.




Warwick Fairfax:

And that can be extremely motivating when you have this passion and this passion, as we've said in terms of how we define a life of significance, it's other focused. Your passion should be about making the world a better place. It should be about helping other people, whether it's from an invention or a business or whether it's from, I never want anybody to go through what I went through. There's this sense of passion. You just can't shake. You might not have the precise vision, but you know the territory, you know the direction you need to head. That's when you know you're on the right track.




Gary Schneeberger:

You mentioned that there were guests on the show, there have been guests on the show, many who have from their crucible has been birthed what they're passionate about. And I think of one guest in particular, just a few guests ago, and his name, God, what was his name? He was a former media mogul. Lexi talked to him. He was a former media mogul, had an accent Australia. Yeah, it was you, Warwick. I mean, that's your story. Your story is your passion to help others realize their worst day doesn't define them. That came out of your crucible, did it not?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I mean, it's true. I'm sort of living proof that it can work. Yeah, it was out of my crucible in which listeners have heard. I think a lot of times before, it wasn't so much in late 1990 when the company went under, it wasn't so much the loss of technically, I suppose billions depending on how you look at it, but a lot of money. It was more I let my family down. I let 4,000 plus employees down, myself. I mean, it was salt God from my maybe mistaken spiritual paradigm. I just was in a bad place that not clinically depressed, but took a lot of the '90s to work my way out of the bottom of the pit. And so that was in a sense, my worst day when the company went under in late 1990, it was 150 years of family ... My father had died by then, John Fairfax, my great-great grandfather letting him down, parents, it was soul crushing.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so out of that, my book came a number of years later, as listeners would know, out of a talk I gave in church in 2008, which my pastor asked me to talk about my experiences and lessons learned. And somehow people came up to me and said, "Boy, Warwick, that really helped me," which is hard for me to understand how talking about a former medium mogul could help your average person, but somehow it did. And so that led to me writing the book, Crucible Leadership, Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life of Significance, and then hence what we do now with the blog and the podcast Beyond The Crucible. So that all came out of my story of wanting to help people get out of their pit and not having their worst day define them. My worst day has not defined me. Doesn't mean I don't have days when I'm looking back and say, "How could I be so stupid," and we can all relapse a little bit.




Warwick Fairfax:

But overall, I'm in a much better place. I love what I do. I'm off the charts passionate about helping other people telling my story and telling other people's story. But yeah, I am living that concept. You can bounce back from your worst day and you can find something that you're off the charts passionate about. I didn't have a complete vision when I started down this road writing the book initially was let me write the book. But as I kept moving down the path, the vision became clearer and clearer, and it does every day, every year becomes clearer. I just keep moving forward. That all came out of my crucible. So it's absolutely possible. And that's in my own way what I'm doing.




Gary Schneeberger:

And having been part of your team as you've walked out the last several years of that, I've seen not mission drift, but mission expansion and perhaps mission redirection as you've gone through it, as you've walked out what you're passionate about, this idea of your worst day doesn't have to define you. The way you talk about it, the idea that your crucible, your loss of John Fairfax Media was a gift early on. I asked you about, "Hey, would you say it's a gift?" And you're like, "I don't know if I want to go there." Now you say it all the time. So your vision, it's not been mission drift, it's been mission expansion, mission focus. Your mission has changed a bit, not fundamentally, but some of the details of it, and that, I would imagine, has brought you an even greater sense of purpose and significance, hasn't it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Really, I think the vision has become clearer. It can shift a little bit, not in its totality, but the overall direction is clear. I mean, I go back to Walt Disney, that's a very good example of this. He didn't start out with his big vision for Walt Disney World of Disneyland or movies. He had this idea in the late '20s, early '30s, couldn't cartoons be told in a way that's a bit more interesting. And so that was the original vision. Well, it grew from there to Snow White and Cinderella and Disneyland, but he kept moving down the direction of using cartoons and then entertainment in a way to just tell stories that would just bring families joy. So the mission didn't really change, but the vision evolved and grew and became clearer. It's just a great example. So just you head in that direction of what you're passionate about in line with your design and your beliefs and the vision may shift a little bit, but it will become clearer. Your overall mission tends not to change, if that makes sense.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah. I have a quote that sums up this idea of focus on what you're passionate about. First two quotes you may remember listeners. One was Margaret Thatcher, the former Prime Minister of England. One was Thomas Payne, an American founding father. Here's the third quote. "Nothing is as important as passion. No matter what you want to do with your life, be passionate." And that comes from the very celebrated world leader, Jon Bon Jovi, the rock singer. The man who wrote You Give Love A Bad Name, had a great perspective on the importance of passion. You don't have to be a world leader to have that perspective.




Gary Schneeberger:

And it goes to your point at the start of this conversation, Warwick, that you can have impact, it can be impact is in the eye of the beholder. I love that. I'm going to steal that. The idea of significance. It doesn't have to be this enormous thing and Jon Bon Jovi have to lead a country to point out the importance that the criticality of passion. Our last couple of points move us from beyond kind of the internal examination to bringing some folks in, inviting some folks into the journey.




Gary Schneeberger:

Point six is talk to your friends and family about your purpose. One of the things that I love about Beyond The Crucible and the way that you have built this, the way that your own experience has led to its formation is that you are a big one for a big tent. Bringing people into the discussion, having advisors. So point six, talk to your friends and family about your purpose. Why is that important? Because a lot of people will skip that. A lot of people think, "I got it. I'm gone." You want people to slow down, bring other people in, and help that purpose grow through that process, right?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. We talk a lot about find fellow travelers. So the first thing is before just marching down the road too much is to say, "Look, this is what I've come up with. This is how I'm designed. I've taken these assessments, maybe done a little coaching, formal or informal. I've reflected on what I believe. Here's my core values and spirituality, religious, whatever that happens to be for you. This is kind of what I'm passionate about. Could be something that needs to be invented or a business, maybe it comes out of my crucible. I don't want anybody to go through this. I feel like I have an idea of this. What do you think? Does this fit?" Now the critical thing, when you pick your fellow travelers, I spoke earlier about not wanting to just listen to everybody that tells you who they think you should be.




Warwick Fairfax:

You want people that are for you that can be objective. That could be some family members, maybe not all, some friends, but not all, people who know you and don't have an axe to grind. They don't have a preconceived outcome. So long as you say you want to be a lawyer or an architect or whatever, it's fine. But they know the answer they think, and you've got to fit that square peg in that round hole. You don't want those sorts of people. If you have a predetermined outcome that you have to say for them to buy in and say, "Yes, you're right." You want people with an open mind that will look in the sense of the data, the data of how you're designed and what you believe and what you're passionate about and say, "Yeah, given all of that, A, that makes sense. I've known you for 20 years, for 10 years, absolutely."




Warwick Fairfax:

People who have been around us, they know how we're designed. It's not a secret. They probably have some idea of what we believe. Probably have an idea of what gets you excited, what lights you up, if you will. They know you. And if the people that know us well, say, "Yeah, this kind of makes sense in terms of how you're describing your design, beliefs, passions, and some inkling of vision and purpose," the reason that's important is it helps confirm. Life is hard. It's hard to be, it helps to say, "Okay, these people who I know and trust, they're saying this is the right ..." And if for some reason they say, everybody says this doesn't make sense and you believe them and then don't have an axe to grind, you might need to cycle back through those points and saying, "Maybe I missed something somewhere."




Warwick Fairfax:

So hopefully that's not the case. But if feedback is good, whether it's positive or negative, then cycle back and say, "Okay, what did I miss here? Did I miss something?" But let's assume you are at the point where they say it makes sense, having that support team is helpful because it helps fuel your inner belief and your inner persistence. And the second form of fellow travelers is those who maybe they'll be in the trenches with you. They could be business partners, employees, they could be informal folks that help you out, advise you informally. But having those fellow travelers both to help you determine that this is the direction that makes sense, as well as people will help you implement it. Very few people have all the gifts. So typically entrepreneurs, they're very entrepreneurial and visionary, but they're not good at details and managing about 90% of the time plus.




Warwick Fairfax:

Hey, I like vision and entrepreneurship, but don't put me near a spreadsheet or financial books. And I mean, I don't want to do that. Somebody has to do it, but maybe I can sell to pick an entrepreneur who can. Don't ask me to do a bunch of market research because I'm going to get lost. So know your design, build people with complimentary skills, all of whom have that same, who abide to the vision. But this concept of fellow travelers, it can mean the difference between success and faith. You don't have fellow travelers to help you discern and refine the vision and help you implement at the chance of success go from pretty good to lousy to maybe not zero, but very poor. It's really critical this last step.




Gary Schneeberger:

What you said there about family members saying certain things, and maybe the first time they offer a corrective perspective, you're thinking, "Okay, well, maybe that's not true." And the second one comes and you're like, I mean, you said that. What I thought of immediately, Warwick, was my mom. My mom had this saying that. She say to me all the time, if one person thinks you're, and she would use a word that I'm not going to say on the podcast, but jerk. If one person thinks you're a jerk, it's a difference of opinion, mom would say. If three or four people think you're a jerk, honey, you might want to explore whether or not you're a jerk. That was mom's perspective.




Gary Schneeberger:

So she was very good in that sense of offering insight into my character and my purpose. And I like what you did here at the end. You kind of mashed up point six and point seven. Talk to friends and family because they're kind of the same thing. You've got friends and family who are going to help guide you along of where you need to go, maybe wayfinders to send you where you need to go. And then that team of fellow travelers that will become those in the trenches with you. So one group gives you some feedback on where you're headed. The other group helps you get there. Is that a fair way to put it?




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, there can be overlap, but it's really critical and people who have discernment and input and sort of a bit of a sidetrack. But in my life, I've had different advisors for different aspects. Yeah, it's probably, I mean, it's common, I think for many, if it's like personal. Obviously, my wife Gale is my primary source, and some good friends. If it's business related, if you will, at Beyond The Crucible, it'll be the team I have. I mean, yourself, Cheryl, who heads up the team at Signal, Lexi, Casey, who's on our podcast team at Content Capital.




Warwick Fairfax:

I mean, there's a whole number of folks depending on what it is. I think many of us, we have advisors depending on what it is. So just be discerning, is what's the issue? Who do I think has the expertise to help me here? So it can be different, but you do need those advisors and those fellow travelers. And you got to ask the questions and importantly, make them feel like you won't jump on them, if they give you an answer you don't want. Maybe you won't jump on them. Maybe you kind of just lightly tread on slightly. But at least if you don't pound them to the ground, then that's helpful.




Gary Schneeberger:

And you want to make sure that they, right, I would always say I, in leadership positions that I've held, that there's a difference between being heard and being heeded. I always heard those who worked for me. Tell me what it is you think we should do. If I don't agree, if I'm the decider, then you've been heard but that doesn't mean that you'll be heeded. I'm still going to be the one that's going to have to make the decision. And you're very good at that. I mean, one of the things, listener, about being part of Warwick's team is that he walks the talk.




Gary Schneeberger:

When he says have people around you that will advise you, he listens and he doesn't just ... I mean, he's being extra modest by saying he's going to pick the one who has the most expertise in this to answer a question about that. He'll ask the entire team for their perspective on things, even if it's not our expertise. So I'm weighing in sometimes on stuff that I don't know anything about, which is maybe I'll throw a dart at a board and it'll hit it. But he wants as many inputs, and that's the point, I think, of what we're after here in this point of the blog. You want as many inputs as you can have.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. One final point on this, because it's really important. Yes, you're absolutely right. People have a right to be heard, not necessarily heeded, but if everybody on your team vehemently disagrees with the direction you're going down, they could all be wrong and you could be right, but the chances of that happening are low. I mean, from your mother's perspective, I think it'll be true to say, she would say, "You might want to listen to them." Maybe she'd say it a bit stronger than that. You could be right. There is a shot. But the point is think really, really, really carefully before taking a direction that everybody that you care about, who you believe has a lot of knowledge fundamentally and vehemently disagrees. There's a very good chance that you are wrong. So doesn't mean you don't have a right to keep going, but be really, really, really, really certain before you take that step.




Gary Schneeberger:

Asterisk on my point, individuals in my career were heard sometimes and not heeded. A group of seven people, they were heard and heeded. If they were telling me, do this and I didn't think it was the way to go, things passed on a seven one vote even if the one vote was mine. So you're absolutely right about that perspective. So Warwick, on this thought of fellow travelers, one of the things that comes through in your book a lot, and you talk about it a lot, most great, "great" influential people in culture, in life, they have fellow travelers who have a great impact on them. It's like roulette. I can ask you name one and you'll have one at the top of your head. So name one. What sticks out for you when you think of someone we all know who had a team of fellow travelers who really helped them in their journey to finding their purpose and their significance?




Warwick Fairfax:

I think sometimes examples that are larger than life, even if we don't lead a larger than life almost superhero like life, they can help us understand. Bright technicolors can sometimes make the point. And so what occurred to me is Franklin Roosevelt, whose listeners would know was president from '33 to when he died in 1945, and one of his closest advisors was a guy with the name of Louis Howe. So a lot of people would say there would be no Franklin Roosevelt without Louis Howe. He was his fellow traveler, his advisor. He was incredibly loyal. They first met in 1911, believe it or not, when Roosevelt was a member of the New York State Senate. He was this young charismatic guy from this wealthy Patrician Roosevelt family and New York family. But there was something in Roosevelt that Louis Howe saw. This guy has potential. He was like an political advisor type.




Warwick Fairfax:

And this is some guy that I wanted to be with because I believe there's something about his charisma, his enthusiasm, and this guy could really make it in politics. There's something about him. And so he guided his career. Roosevelt was appointed assistant secretary in the Navy under Wilson in 1913. He was on the ticket with Cox in the 1920 presidential campaign, the Democratic ticket. They got absolutely obliterated by Warren Harding and his return to normalcy campaign. So who knew that return to normalcy could be a winning campaign slogan, but it was. In 1920 after the first World War, Americans craved normalcy. But anyway, he was on the ticket. But really, as listeners would know, Roosevelt's crucible happened in 1921 when kind of after visiting actually a sort of a boy scout group. Somehow he picked up the polio virus and he was stricken with polio, which at the time was almost like a political death sentence and he couldn't walk unaided.




Warwick Fairfax:

He had to have these big heavy metal braces and he kept trying, but he was basically, other than those metal braces, he was confined to a wheelchair the rest of his life. Today is different. Back then it's like you were meant to just go off and not be seen and heard for the rest of your life. Roosevelt's mother, Sarah, was definitely advocating politics is over. You just need to have a quiet life because life is over. Louie Howe never gave up. And so we had this whole campaign. Eleanor Roosevelt was shy, retiring, said, "Look, you've got to get out there and speak all over New York state. And just to get Franklin's name out there," which wasn't her preference necessarily or her comfort zone, but she did. Roosevelt wrote a lot of articles. And so eventually he became Roosevelt governor of New York in 1928 and then president after the '32 election in '33.




Warwick Fairfax:

Certainly Eleanor Roosevelt played a big part in encouraging her husband. You cannot underestimate her force and love and devotion was huge. But Louie Howe really equipped both Eleanor and Franklin to be able to bounce back from their worst day when he got polio in '21 and just some of the things and he died in 1936. People called him the man behind Roosevelt. The New York Times described Louis Howe as the president's other eye. The New York Herald Tribune said of Howe his loyalty is not to himself or to an abstract ideal of government, but solely to Franklin Roosevelt. It was said he was the man who put Franklin Roosevelt in the White House. Time Magazine after Howe's death, probably said it best, he said, "Admirers he, Roosevelt, had by the millions. Acquaintances, by the thousands. Advisors, by the hundreds. Friends, by the score, but intimate such as Louis Howe he had only one." Very few of us have somebody at that level like a Louis Howe.




Warwick Fairfax:

Without a Louis Howe, there would be no President Roosevelt. He believed in him at his worst moment when Franklin Roosevelt didn't believe in himself in 1921 after polio. Louie Howe did and helped equip him politically and just in terms of his own self-respect to keep moving on and becoming the man he was. So Franklin Roosevelt was a great man, but we don't pay enough attention to Louis Howe. There really would be no Franklin Roosevelt that we know of without a Louis Howe. So that's in a sense, the ultimate fellow traveler, the ultimate supporter and friend, you don't get much better than Louis Howe.




Gary Schneeberger:

Yeah, and what's great about that by sort of ending on that point, right on a excellent example of a fellow traveler is if we back up to the start of this conversation where we said assert you have the right to your own purpose and calling. It's people like that, our own Louis Howes, that are going to help us make that purpose and calling one of significance.




Warwick Fairfax:

Absolutely. And just to be clear, Louis Howe had no agenda other than helping Franklin Roosevelt be the person he was designed to be. Franklin Roosevelt always loved politics. He loved the hurly-burly, the competitive nature. He loved the arena. This wasn't some vision that was being foisted on him. Louis Howe was helping Franklin Roosevelt be who he was designed to be, to live in light of his purpose. And that was the only objective Louis Howe had. I mean, that's just an amazing example.




Gary Schneeberger:

And those are the fellow travelers that we need in our lives. Those are the people who will buttress, who will support, who will come alongside us as we walk out our unique purpose. Before we wrap this with your sort of final blog statement, let's go back through what we've covered in this fascinating discussion about your most recent blog at beyondthecrucible.com and that the idea number one is admit you have a problem. If you're not living your life, not even your best life, you're not living your life, you're living in someone else's life, somebody else you think you should do, admit you have a problem, or if you don't think you have a problem right now, keep assessing because they could pop up. I talked about that earlier. Number two, assert that you have the right to your own purpose in calling. Critical. Number three, understand your design.




Gary Schneeberger:

I love this middle part. Understand your design. Four, reflect on what you believe. Five, focus on what you're passionate about. Design, belief, passion, those three things seem to be absolutely indispensable to living a life that's your own vision. Then the sixth point in the blog, talk to friends and family about your purpose. And then the seventh point, find fellow travelers. Warwick, you're so excited about this subject that in the blog at beyondthecrucible.com, when you begin your summary paragraph, you begin it with our life matters with an exclamation point. Why is that exclamation point there and why is this entire blog something you're so passionate about?




Warwick Fairfax:

Yeah, I don't always use exclamation points, so that actually means something.




Gary Schneeberger:

I know. That's why I'm like ... You're not promiscuous with exclamation points.




Warwick Fairfax:

No, indeed. So basically, I believe from my perspective, we were designed by God for a purpose. Whatever that spiritual paradigm may mean to you, Creator, supreme being. But I believe we were designed by God for a purpose. He gives us innate skills, passions, and that we were here, we are put on this earth to make a difference. Our life is not our own in the sense that we're here to make a difference in the world. We're here to lead a life of significance. We're here to lead a life of purpose. We're here to help others. If you live in light of your design, which in a sense, we're designed for a purpose, so if you want to feel joyful and fulfilled, follow the owner's manual. Follow the manual of the designer of some people have used the whole analogy of the clockmaker. We're designed for a purpose.




Warwick Fairfax:

And so for those gears to function well, for there not to be sand in them, if you follow your design and your inherent purpose, those gears and that clock will start flying and you will have joy, you'll have fulfillment, which ultimately everybody wants. Everybody wants a legacy that they can be proud of. We all have an end date, but we want our friends and family, our kids, grandkids, cousins, coworkers, we want them to be proud of us. That person led a legacy that we can be proud of. That person, maybe they were famous, maybe they were not famous, but they lived a life in service of others. They lived a life that had an impact. Even if thousands don't know, it doesn't take more than a few, more than one, but they led a life that impacts the world for a better place, and that's what a life that matters means.




Warwick Fairfax:

And if you lead a life that matters, you all have a joyful and fulfilled life, and in your last moments on this earth, you won't be so much filled with regrets. It'll be like I gave it my all and I believe my life did matter and yeah, I made mistakes. I wasn't perfect, but I did lead a life that was focused on others that had an impact. And with your last moments on this earth, those are the thoughts you want to have. Rather than I waited my life, I was angry, it was all about me. I may have made lots of money. So what? You don't want to, so what? And just those last waking moments of grief and of sadness at yourself, you want it to be, I made mistakes maybe, but I lived my life on purpose. I was focused on others and my life did count, whatever, from your perspective, it counted. Doesn't mean millions knew who you were, but you led a life that mattered. That's the life I think we all want to live.




Gary Schneeberger:

And that, I mean, there's nothing else I can say beyond that. That's the reason, listener, we've done this podcast, this episode. That's the reason Warwick wrote his blog that you'll find at beyondthecrucible.com. At the end of that blog, as he does at the end of every blog that he writes, Warwick leaves you with some reflection questions and I'll mention those here at the end of this podcast because if you want that kind of life he was just talking about very passionately at the end of this episode, if you want to live that, if you want to experience that, if you want to land at that legacy, here's three questions you can ponder moving forward because that will help get your feet on the path down that road. First one, assert today that you have the right, the God-given right to your own purpose and vision, which the world needs.




Gary Schneeberger:

Number two, take steps to understand your design, your beliefs, and what you're passionate about. Remember the, I'm going to call it, I'm going to call it right here, Beyond The Crucible triumvirate, design, beliefs, passion. Those are critical. Everything else is just advertising. Design, belief, passion. And then the final reflection question. Assemble a team of fellow travelers and supporters who believe in you and your purpose and your vision. Put those three questions together, explore those, bring them then to our e-course, Discover Your Second Act Significance found at secondactsignificance.com, and try some of that stuff out there because the same kind of insights that Warwick has offered here in this podcast, here in this blog are offered through that e-course, which he is, of course, the guide for. So until the next time we're together and the next time we're together, we're going to launch a series on Burning The Ships.




Gary Schneeberger:

We're excited about that, but until that happens, until that next time, next week, remember that we understand your crucibles are difficult. We understand it can be difficult. Warwick knows this. Difficult to live a vision that's yours, live a life based on your beliefs, passion, and things that you really care about. It's hard to get there, but it's not impossible. One foot in front of the other, overcome crucibles as they come through your life and sell out to your vision. Make sure it's your vision. If you do that, if you pursue that, where you'll end up, the path you're on is a path that leads to a life of significance.




Gary Schneeberger:

Hi, friends. You heard during that show, Warwick and I talk about our e-course, Discover Your Second Act Significance. We wanted to give you one more chance before this week is over to sign up for that course, if you're interested. All you have to do is go to secondactsignificance.com, and as a bonus, if you go before the end of February, you'll save 23% off the price of the course. Just input the code '23for23'. We hope you enjoy it and we'll see you next week.

I am not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions.  After a few weeks they are easy to break, and then you inevitably feel discouraged, stuck, or back to where you started. But there is one resolution that is worth pursuing not just this year, but for the rest of your life.  It is a key to long-term happiness and fulfillment…

That resolution is to live in light of your true purpose and vision.

It is easy for our sense of self, our sense of purpose, to get lost.  It gets swept up in the tide of other people’s expectations and visions for our life. After all, in some cases these people are our friends and family that love us and deeply care for us.  We think, “They must want the best for us so they might be right. Why not take the easy way out and just go with the tide of expectations, beliefs and advice that is around us?”

The problem is that over time just going with the flow of other people’s expectations and vision for our lives can lead to a sense of being unsettled or even feeling smoldering discontent.  As we say in our e-course, Discover Your Second-Act Significance, it can lead to us feeling stuck, to asking ourselves, “Is this all there is?”  That sense of dissatisfaction, left untreated, tends to grow and get worse. Then, our sense of unease increases even more.

We have a duty to ourselves to be who we were designed to be.

For people of faith, we have a duty to be who God designed us to be.  We were designed for a purpose as unique as our fingerprint, to have an impact for good in the world.  To be clear, it is not a competition to see who can have the biggest impact. Impact can be in the eye of the beholder. It is about being true to who we are, our design and our purpose.

So, what are the steps to finding your true purpose, your true calling in life?

1. Admit You Have a Problem

The first step to finding our true purpose and calling is to admit when we are confused.  We might feel torn between the expectations or competing visions that our family and friends have for our life, none of which may feel very appealing to us.  We might feel we really don’t know who we are, why we were put on this earth, and what our true purpose is.  Admitting when we feel conflicted, torn and confused is an important first step.

2. Assert You Have a Right to Have Your Own Purpose and Calling

It is one thing to feel conflicted and torn between others’ expectations and vision for us.  It is another to assert that we have a right, from my perspective, the God given right, to have our own purpose and calling.  This is a stake that we must plant in the ground.  We were designed for a purpose, and it is our right — our responsibility, I’d even say —  to find that purpose and live it out.

3. Understand Your Design 

We are each designed a certain way.  Some may be more athletic.  Some may be more artistic.  Some may be more mathematical and scientific.  There are a number of good assessments such as Myers Briggs, StrengthsFinder and Enneagram.  Choose one or more and then look at the results of the assessment – and see if there are important learnings or anything that surprises you.  As a certified International Coach Federation (ICF) coach, I am a believer in the power of coaching to help us in many ways, including understanding who we are, a process that can be aided by good assessments.

4. Reflect on What You Believe

We all believe in something.  For some it might be a religious way of thought.  For some it might be less religious but more spiritual.  For others it might be a set of values.  Whatever it is, reflect deeply on what you truly believe to the depths of your soul.  What you believe matters.  It is an important key to understanding what makes you truly you, which can lead you to the vision and purpose you are meant to pursue.

5. Focus on What You are Passionate About

Most — if not all — of us are passionate about something.  It might be a vision or a thought that we daydream about of what could be. For many of the guests on our podcast, Beyond The Crucible, their defining purpose came out of a soul searing crucible.  They came out the other side of that setback or failure wanting, in some cases, to help others who have gone through similar crucibles or to help others avoid suffering what they suffered.  Either way, you know you have some key insights to your purpose when this vision keeps gnawing away at your soul.  You just can’t let it go.

6. Talk to Your Friends and Family About Your Purpose 

Now this might seem counterintuitive, because weren’t we saying that sometimes our friends and family might have a different idea of our purpose and vision than we do? True.  But hopefully we can find some friends and family who don’t have an agenda and truly want to help us be who we were meant to be.  Dialoguing with such open and neutral parties can be helpful – more than that, really. It can be essential. When we lay out our design, what we believe and what we are passionate about; these trusted people who have known us for years can help us. They can affirm and help us refine and focus our purpose and vision, in a way that is true to who we are.

7. Find Fellow Travelers 

Once we have an inkling of our purpose and vision, having a team of people who want to help us make our vision became reality is very important.  These could be formal business partners and co-workers, or informal supporters and helpers.  These are people who believe in us and our vision.  Life is tough.  So having a support team alongside us helps us keep going and certainly speeds up the journey of our vision and our purpose becoming reality.

Our life matters! We were put on this earth for a purpose, from my perspective a God-given purpose.  I am not a big believer in guilt as a motivator.  But if it works for you, consider that if you were put on this earth with a certain design, a set of beliefs and something that you are off-the-charts passionate about, isn’t it your duty to live in light of that purpose and that vision?   Living in light of our purpose and vision means the world will be impacted for good with gifts that are uniquely ours.  We owe it to ourselves, and the people and world we may help, to live in light of that authentic purpose and vision.


Reflection:


Ready to create a life you love?