Fear of Change: How to Let Go and Move Forward

Warwick Fairfax
October 26, 2026

Letting go is not easy. We may be about to go off to college in another state, and we think about family and friends we will miss. We might get a job far away from home, perhaps in another country. We might find our kids are going off to college.

Change for many of us is scary. We are comfortable with the present, and even if we are not completely comfortable with our current lives, it is at least familiar. But making significant changes in our lives means we have to launch into the unknown. Part of that might be exciting, but part of that can also be terrifying. What if the new city or the new job is not as great as we thought it would be? What about the friends and family we had where we used to live? How will be make friends in the new city?

We may begin to think maybe we should have never decided to move, change jobs or careers, or gone off to college far away from where we grew up. Maybe the safe path is to just stay where we are with the friends and family we know in the job we have worked at for a while. Parts of that life are frustrating, but if we move somewhere else it could be so much worse. So let’s not take the risk. Let’s play it safe.

The truth is, not all of us readily embrace change. Even for those that do, it is the rare person who does not have any butterflies or fears about the new job in the new city.

But change is inevitable. Life is rarely linear or predictable. Either we embrace new beginnings, find ways to cope with the change, or we hold ourselves back from moving forward. Then we are stuck with the what ifs. What would have happened if I had taken that great job in the new city? What if I had not let fear of the unknown hold me back? The feeling that we let our fears win is not a good place to be. Those feelings can stay with us a long time.

So how do we cope with the fear of change and find a way to move forward in our lives?

1. Acknowledge the fear of change.

Change for many of us is scary. Admit that you are scared and nervous that the job won’t be as great as you think it might be, you are not sure where you are going to live or if you’ll be able to afford the house or apartment if you do find it and whether you are going to make friends in the new city. That can all feel quite daunting. But admitting our fear can be the first step in dealing with it.

2. List your fears.

That’s right. Make a list of each fear.

3. Enter a place of calm.

Before you can begin to think logically about dealing with your fears, you have to come to a place where you can think calmly and rationally. For some this might mean praying or meditating or seeking truth through Scripture or other sources of wisdom.

4. Make a decision to be governed by reason not fear.

Having entered a place of calm, resolve to make logical, informed decisions — not decisions based on fear. For instance, while the future is unknowable, before accepting the new job you asked a lot of questions about your new job; you did your own independent research about that company, and you even networked with others who either knew people at the company or were familiar with it. You did everything you could to make an informed decision. Why be paranoid? You did the work. Don’t assume a worst-case scenario where everything goes wrong. Of course, management might change, or your new boss might leave. But you can’t make decisions based on unknowable fear-based scenarios.

5. Tackle those fears one by one. 

Having entered a place of calm and made a decision to be governed by reason, tackle those fears with a calm, evidence-based approach. You did all the research on the new job. This job is a great opportunity with a great company. Your boss seems good, not perfect because no boss is, but they seem at least pretty good. So let’s move on from that fear. You did look at the housing market in the new city, and while you may not have found a place to live yet, you feel that you should be able to afford a place. You even asked those in the new company for any suggestions about areas to live or real estate agents they knew. While you don’t really know anyone in the new city, there are some future co-workers that seem nice, and they said they would show you around. There are communities you connect with that could be helpful. If you are a person of faith, you would have done some research on churches that feel like yours back home. Maybe you love tennis, golf, pickleball or doing exercise classes at gyms. All places that you could find like-minded people to hang out with and potentially become friends with.

6. Make a mental map documenting both the fears and your plans to mitigate those fears.

You have outlined your fears and your plans to deal with those fears. The outcome of the job, where you will live, who you will become friends with is unknown. But you have done your research, you have plans to take steps to deal with each of these areas.

7. Make a decision that you have made good, rational evidence based choices.

You cannot determine the outcome of each area that you are potentially afraid of, but you can determine that you made good, sound choices based on the information you have. That is all you can do. So long as you feel you have made good decisions based on the evidence and data that you have, that is all you can do.

8. Rest in that Decision.

You have made a sound, reasonable decision in taking the new job in the new city. Rest, let it go. Enter that place of calm again, through prayer, meditation or whatever spiritual practice helps you; and rest in that decision. When fears crop up, which they tend to, enter that place of calm again and tell those fears they are unsound and you will not be governed by them.

9. Move Forward. You have a plan.

Accept the job, begin looking for places to live, organize the moving arrangements, begin networking with potential communities of interest you have. The more you move and tackle those fears one by one, the less those fears will have a hold on you. Like a flywheel, the first rotation is the hardest. Once the flywheel begins to move, each decision, each lead of a potential place to live, for instance, gets easier.

10. Ensure you have fellow travelers to support you.

Friends and colleagues can pick you up when you start getting pangs of fear and can tell you what you told them. It is a rational decision to accept the job, you already have some leads on places to live, the new boss did seem reasonable, those initial contacts with potential communities of interest did seem promising.

Change for many of us is hard. We tend to have pangs of fear from time to time about even the best opportunities in the most wonderful places to live. Fear of change is normal. But the key is not to let irrational fear of change stop you from taking advantage of great opportunities. If there is one thing you should fear, it is being at the end of your life contemplating all those great opportunities you turned down because of fear. That would indeed be a rational fear.

Reflection

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