Being Triggered Happens. Here’s How to Not Give in to it.
Life is not easy, and when we have been through a crucible there can be lasting effects. Some of the time, we might be fine and feel able to carry on with life. People around us, our friends, family and co-workers. might feel we are doing fine. And we might indeed be doing fine. But every once in a while we get triggered.
How we do know we are getting triggered? When our response to a situation or a person is out of proportion to what is going on. People may feel we are overreacting. They might feel we are making a mountain out of a mole hill. And the annoying thing about it, is that they may be right. It is something we hate to do. We don’t want to be seen as that hypersensitive person who overacts to things.
The good news is that many if not most people can overreact. According to our research at Beyond The Crucible, many if not most of us have been through a crucible, typically so painful that it fundamentally changes our lives. So if that is true and triggering opportunities abound, we will all tend to have moments when we are triggered and then may well tend to overreact.
So what do we do about this?
1. Accept the fact that you are going to get triggered.
Yes, that’s right. It is not if, it is when we are going to get triggered. We have pretty much all been through some kind of painful crucible, which means given the right set of circumstances, we are pretty much all going to get triggered. And when we do get triggered, since we are human, there is certainly a reasonable chance we will not react proportionately to the situation. In others words we will tend to overreact.
2. Recognize when you are being triggered.
It is important to be honest with yourself. If we do some self-reflecting, we might sense that we are reacting out of proportion to the situation or what some other person allegedly did. We might raise our voice or start down a path of actions that seem to others to be a bit over the top.
3. Try to understand what is going on.
. You might realize you are being triggered, but the question is why. It is helpful to know your pain points. That is, we need to know our crucibles, and why we get sensitive. Maybe we were in a bad relationship, which has eroded our ability to trust others. At the first sign of trouble or some kind of relational conflict or disagreement, we might go down the thought line that the other person does not care about us or is being mean to us. Maybe that is the case, or maybe there is a misunderstanding or maybe we are exaggerating the issue.
4. Ask others for help.
Maybe you are having conflict at work or at home. Ask someone who is familiar with the situation or person for their input and advice. By telling them that you think you might be overacting and being triggered, it gives the other person offering advice more freedom to enter into a constructive dialogue with you. Together you are trying to figure out what is going on. It helps if that other person is familiar with you and your history as well as the context, be it at home or at work, for instance.
5. Try to identify the precise cause of why you are being triggered and why you are overreacting
Now that you have understood you are being triggered have begun reflecting on why you are overreacting and have received advice and counsel from someone else about the situation, you are in a better position to identify exactly what is going on.
6. Identify what a proportionate response and reaction would look like.
In other words, let’s assume that you did react appropriately, What would that look like? Compare the difference between a sober-minded view of how you reacted with how you actually reacted.
7. Apologize.
Go to that person and let them know you overreacted. Depending on how well you know the person and how much you trust them, you might want to tell them at least some of the why behind that overreaction. So if your overreaction was because of a bad past relationship, you might want to explain that to the person you are in relationship with now. Assuming that it is the case, you might want to tell them that either they did nothing and you somehow were triggered, or that what they did was a parking ticket and you “charged” them with a much worse offense, so to speak.
8. Try to grow in your self-development.
By knowing the types of situations when you might be triggered, as you feel yourself getting agitated and worked up, try to pause before reacting. Identify that you are about to overreact, pause and try to react less harshly that you would otherwise. You may still display some level of overreaction, but overreacting at a level three out of ten is better than an eight out of ten.
9. Be patient with yourself.
Yes give yourself grace. Rather than berating yourself as some unevolved sub-human neanderthal, be kind to yourself. You are going to get triggered in some circumstances and may well overreact at times. But remember that you have positive qualities. Others may see you as a caring hard working individual. We all have flaws and some flat sides. That is being human. You might find that others will give you some grace because they see you as a whole person, not just the person that can get triggered in certain situations. If others can show you grace, shouldn’t you show yourself grace.
Life is hard. We have pretty much all been through painful experiences, which we call crucibles. That probably means there may be many opportunities for us to overreact and be seen as overly sensitive. But the good news is that just as we are not defined by our worst day, we are also not defined by how we overreact on a certain day. We need to move forward beyond our crucible to living a vision both at home and at work that will lead to a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others.
When we move forward in our lives and focus on others, on leaving a positive impact on those we know and in our area of influence, that is what matters. We are all on a journey to becoming the best version of ourselves. We don’t measure how we are doing in the journey of life by any given moment when we may trip up. We measure how we are doing in life by the totality of how we treat others and the impact we are having on those around us. Needless to say, that impact on others will look different with different people and different situations. It is not a competition.
That is what is important. It is our journey, the interactions with people, the work we do to help others, that matter, not any given interaction or situation where we may not have been at our best selves. Those that know us and care about us know that. We should too.
Reflection
- Accept the fact that you are going to get triggered in certain situations and try to identify when you are being triggered.
- Ask for help from someone that knows you and the situation well and ask them to help you identify why you are overreacting.
- Give yourself grace, while trying to overreact just a little bit less the next time a triggering situation happens, especially when it falls into the same kind of situation that tends to cause you to overreact. But regardless be kind to yourself.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
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