There are many challenges in life, but there are also many opportunities. When people ask us to help them, for many of us it is hard to say no. Or perhaps you see a lot of opportunities where you can have an impact, where you can make a difference. This could be business opportunities, or nonprofit or charity work. It could even be with your family. Perhaps your kids are in sports or artistic activities. You volunteer to coach your kids’ basketball team or help out with a dance recital.
All these opportunities to have an impact or do something you enjoy or that seems so fun are hard to resist. They can be opportunities that you may not look forward to, but someone you care about asks you to help. You feel you can’t say no. You don’t want to disappoint them.
The problem with saying yes to everything — or to a lot — is you spread yourself too thin. You can end up not doing anything that well. You then may well disappoint people, and you may let down the very people you don’t want to let down. That eats away at you, and you feel terrible.
So as we start this New Year, let’s have a resolution to just say No! That is, to say yes to less and no to many opportunities that come your way. But how do you know what to say no to and when to say no, and what about disappointing people? All good questions. Here are some points to help you work this out.
1. Anchor all decisions in your beliefs and values. When assessing an opportunity, whether it is something you come across or something someone asks you to help out with, evaluate to what degree does this opportunity align with your beliefs and values. If it does not, the answer is simple. It is No! Sorry, I can’t help out with this. You don’t have to get into all the details necessarily, but decline the invitation or opportunity.
2. It must relate to your purpose and the legacy you want to leave. As we start exploring and living our vision for our lives, we should have a sense of what our purpose is and what we want our legacy to be. We need to know how the things we do will lead us to living a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. Potential opportunities should fit into the vision we have for our lives, the purpose and legacy we want to leave. If it doesn’t, find a way to say no.
3. It should tie in to your skills and abilities. We may be asked to help out with an activity for which we have no aptitude. Make sure what you spend your time on is in line with gifts and talents.
4.Make sure you are passionate about the opportunity. You need to be excited and enthused about the activities that you will spend your time on. Perseverance only goes so far. You need to really want to spend time on this opportunity.
5.Beware of your energy level. We all have different capacities. Some people get up early, go to bed late. They just have high energy levels and seem to take on a lot — almost anything, it seems. We are different with varying capacities and energy levels and a different ability to take on several things at once. Know your capacity and energy level. Don’t judge yourself if you feel your capacity and energy level is not as high as others’.
6. Be realistic. No matter how much energy or capacity you think you may have, we as humans tend to underestimate how much time and energy a prospective opportunity will take and overestimate how much energy and capacity we have and how many things we can do at once. Get advice from a few trusted friends, potentially family members, who know you well. They may well be more realistic than you will be about how many activities you can take on at once.
7. It is not about what others want you to do. You can’t live your life based on satisfying other people’s expectations. First, that is not the way to live. Second, you can never keep everyone happy and satisfy everyone’s expectations. That is a losing battle. Decisions should be based on what you want to do; and how the opportunity lines up with your beliefs and values, gifts and skills and passions, and the purpose and legacy you want to leave.
I am not a huge believer in New Year’s resolutions. Most of us don’t keep them and then we are disappointed. But a New Year’s resolution to just say No? That makes sense. Resolve this year to pare back your activities to the key ones that tie into your beliefs and values, are in line with your gifts and skills and passions and your purpose and legacy.
Say yes to the great opportunities, and say no to the good. Make the bar for you to say yes higher. It is not about keeping everyone happy and not disappointing them. It is not even about doing so much that you are competing with yourself to make sure your legacy is not just good, but incredible. It is not a competition with others or yourself.
To have a great impact and make a difference, do less. You will end up having a greater impact and making a greater difference than you think.
Reflection
Pare back your activities. Resolve to say no to the good so that only the great opportunities are left
Make sure all your opportunities and activities are in line with your beliefs and values, gifts and skills, your passions and reinforce your purpose and legacy.
It is not about making others happy or competing against yourself to make you feel worthy. Do what you feel led to. Your self worth should not be tied up by how many things you are doing.
We share inspirational stories and transformational tools from leaders who have moved beyond life’s most difficult moments to create lives of significance.
Our yearlong examination of the actionable truths that will guide you along the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap begins with a discussion of where your journey from setback to significance begins: your crucible. We look at what you need to do to reach the point where you understand it didn’t happen to you but happened for you.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and be sure to subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Transcript
Warwick Fairfax:
Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond the Crucible. A crucible is something that is so painful that it fundamentally alters the trajectory of your life. There was a life before the crucible, and there's your life afterwards. Typically, you are never the same after that crucible.
Gary Schneeberger:
That will be a painful and can be a pivotal thing, an inflection point in your life's journey that can set you on the road to what we believe is the most fulfilling destination yet: a life of significance. In this first episode of our Series Within the Show, unpacking the actionable truths that help you navigate the Beyond the Crucible roadmap, we'll help you see the hopeful perspective, that your crucible didn't happen to you, it happened for you.
Well, friends, we're excited that you're with us today, because today, we're going to talk about our refreshed way, it's not entirely new, but it is laser focused, to helping you get from your worst day to your greatest opportunity. It's what we've dubbed the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap. This is how we describe it. I'm going to read it straight from the notes here. How we help people turn their worst day into their greatest opportunity.
We provide the essential actionable truth to inspire hope, enable, and equip them to write their own life-affirming story. That's what we're going to talk about today. Last week, we talked about the big picture of how we built it. Now, we're going to talk about the first actionable truth. It's all tied to this roadmap that we built from our proprietary statistically valid research into how people experience crucibles, and what we've learned from our experience and the experience of our podcast guests about what it takes to turn a trial into a triumph.
The most revolutionary news to us is that in analyzing this roadmap, we've identified what we are calling, as I said, the actionable truths of the brand. To pass these life-changing truths along to you, our listeners and viewers, this year, we're going to do something similar to what we did last year with our Series Within the Show, we called it, which featured stories from Warwick's book, it's right here, Crucible Leadership. We're going to do the same sort of thing here in 2025.
We're going to go through each of the 10 actionable truths, one per month, and explore the ways they can help you make your way through the roadmap. Again, I'm never used to talking this much in an episode, so I have to catch myself, or catch my breath or something. Everybody wants to hear from you, Warwick, and the first question I have for you is to help level set folks to our discussion of the first of these truths. Let me just ask you straight up, why did we call these actionable truths? What do we mean by that?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, it's a good question, Gary. Just to expand a bit more on what we've been talking about, at Beyond the Crucible, our focus has always been how do you get beyond your worst day to lead a life of significance, which we define as a life on purpose dedicated to serving others? How do you get out of the pit of your worst day? With all the research, quantitative and qualitative, and the work we've done in our Turner Plus episodes on the podcast, we've developed what we now call the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap: how you go from trial, in other words, crucible, to triumph, which we define as a life of significance.
As you're moving along the journey from your worst day to a better life, a more fulfilling life that's focused on others, we've found that there are 10 actionable truths, and we think of them as catalysts. They help you move along the journey from that worst day to your life-affirming vision. In other words, when you achieve that vision, you're living a life of significance. In a sense, we believe that these actionable truths, they're implicit in our work. If you look at the chapter headings in my book, Crucible Leadership, you'll find things-
Gary Schneeberger:
This book right here, sorry.
Warwick Fairfax:
Exactly.
Gary Schneeberger:
Book right here, Crucible Leadership.
Warwick Fairfax:
You'll find things like authenticity, vision, perseverance, a number of the actionable truths that we'll talk about. What we're doing here is we're actually talking about them more, because they're so critical in moving from trials to triumph.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, and I don't think we can accentuate that enough, that this is not brand new stuff, but it is groundbreaking stuff in the sense that in the first episode that we did on this, Warwick, you made the point of saying that it's truth, yes, but it's truth in action is where the rubber meets the road, where the crucibles get overcome, moved beyond. I think that's a critical emphasis, why we call them actionable truths.
It is, to your point, I don't think we can say it enough as we talk about it. This is not really new stuff, it's just a fresh perspective on the stuff we've always talked about. That's fair, isn't it?
Warwick Fairfax:
It really is. I like the emphasis you're putting on truth and action. That's a great way to phrase it. You could say, "Yeah, I believe in being honest, but in my life, I tend not to be honest, like ever. Perseverance, absolutely, I highly value perseverance, but the first line of trouble, I give up." Those are not actionable truths, or those are meaningless truths. A truth is only a truth to you if you actually live it. They're probably not truths at all.
We think these actionable truths, as we've been talking about, they're accelerators, they're enablers to move from trial to triumph from your worst state of life and significance. I think you could make a case that without these actionable truths, you may never get out of the pit. You almost certainly won't live that life-affirming vision that you've always wanted to live, a life of significance, as you put it, a life of triumph, which is, in a sense, how we define a life of triumph.
When you think about it, and we'll talk more about today's actionable truth in a moment, but without perseverance, without authenticity, without vision, so many of the things we're going to talk about, how do you really move ahead in a meaningful way? I don't think you do.
Gary Schneeberger:
All right, there is the preamble for what we're talking about here today, folks. Now, the meat is what is the first actionable truth? The first actionable truth is, and this is where we need in post-production, we need like a ding-ding-ding or something when I say it, because the first actionable truth is crucible. This is where the process starts. It starts with the crucible, and that goes all the way back.
That first truth goes all the way back to, for the third time, your book, Crucible Leadership: Embrace Your Trials to Lead a Life of Significance. You use that word crucible for a reason. We've used that word crucible, we named the podcast Beyond the Crucible. What, for our purposes, Warwick, is a crucible, and why is it relevant to what we're discussing, what people go through after a setback?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, Gary. Crucible is really the defining concept that we have. The book is called Crucible Leadership. Our podcast is called Beyond the Crucible. A crucible is something that is so painful that it fundamentally alters the trajectory of your life. There was a life before the crucible, and there's your life afterwards. Typically, you are never the same after that crucible. It's really essential to what we're talking about is how do you get beyond your crucible? How do you get beyond your worst day?
The challenge that we all have is when you go through a crucible that's so excruciating, how do you get beyond it? How do you not let your worst day to find the rest of your life? It happens. You might have a friend or a family member in which you might say, "It's so sad to say, but their crucible, it really did their lives. They weren't the same. Their spirit wasn't the same. The way they treated others, it just, they never emotionally or spiritually recovered. They never got beyond it."
What our mission here is to help people get beyond their worst day. Yeah, a crucible, it's painful. We understand that, but how do you figure a way to be able to move on from that terrible experience?
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, and one of the ways that we've talked about a lot, and it's baked into this actionable truth, and all of the actionable truths, actually, is this idea that we've said many, many, many times: your crucible didn't happen to you, it happened for you. That is really a great way to think about this first actionable truth is that part of the action to take is to understand, it didn't happen to you, it happened for you, which is critically important.
One of the things I'm going to do here, Warwick, when we do every one of these, is I'm going to try to give a dictionary definition of what our actionable truth is, and I'm going to use, when I do that, folks, because it's my favorite dictionary, I'm going to hold it up here. It's big, it's heavy. It's the American Dictionary of the English Language by Noah Webster from 1828. It's his first ever dictionary.
There's just some really great ways that words are defined in very foundational terms. Here's how that dictionary describes what a crucible is. It's a chemical vessel or melting pot made of earth, and so tempered and baked as to endure extreme heat without melting. It is used for melting ores, metals, et cetera. That's really what happens, right? When we go through a crucible, it's hot, it hurts, but it does refine us. That's the reason that you chose the word crucible all the way back to your book, isn't it?
Warwick Fairfax:
It's so true, Gary. A crucible is yes, as you said, a cauldron of molten metal that it really separates the core, the essence from the impurities. Like with alloys, it forms something new. It creates something that wasn't there before. Yes, it's painful, but we believe a crucible can be refining. As you said, it didn't happen to you, it happened for you. I would say pretty much every guest we've had on the podcast, yes, they may have wished what they went through hadn't happened, but yet in another sense, they were grateful, because it made them a person that they were not before.
It gave them a mission. So many of our guests have said, "What I went through was a gift, in the sense I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't have the passion to help others." Very often, a mission is formed out of what you went through, and you want to use that mission to help others who maybe have gone through your circumstance. It's really, it's painful, but there can be a blessing, a gift in that cauldron of molten metal, because it can help you become the person you never expected you would be, but are grateful for who you are.
Maybe none of us enjoy the process. Life is not easy, but having gone through the process, you want to think, well, I don't want to have gone through this for nothing. There's got to be a purpose to the pain. With pretty much every guest we've had, there has been a purpose in the pain, there has been a mission, there has, at least according to our guests, there has actually been a gift amidst the cauldron that they've gone through.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. I love the fact that we've put these actionable truths in the context of what we're calling Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, because a roadmap gets you from point A to point B, and it doesn't do it overnight, usually. It doesn't do it in the first 15 seconds you pull out of the driveway, right? There's a time period here. When we talk about understanding, it didn't happen to you, it happened for you, please understand, folks, we're not saying that 10 minutes after your most difficult, painful day, you're going to land in that space.
Warwick's correct. All of our guests have talked about this in one way or another, but for some of them, for many of them, for Warwick and for me in our own crucible experiences, it was a matter of years until we started to move in that didn't happen to me, happened for me perspective. Don't rush yourself through the road map, I guess is the message here. Let's go now into, Warwick, there are three stages in our research that have shown us people experience these things after a crucible. The first one is this: limited awareness of the problem. Unpack that a little bit for folks.
Warwick Fairfax:
You often are aware that you're in pain, but you might not be aware of the pain that you might have caused, or the circumstance might have caused to others. We're very often focused on ourselves, not other people. As you go through the journey from trial to triumph, our hope is that your self-awareness grows, and including your self-awareness about the crucible. What happened? What was I feeling? Why did it happen? How many other people were affected? Maybe we blamed ourselves more than we should.
Yes, we might know the pain, but really, we might have a limited awareness of what happened, why it happened, how many people were affected. One of the interesting things that we found in our research is that 72% of people did say that they had a crucible that was so painful, it fundamentally transformed their life. There was the 28%, and they said they didn't have a crucible.
What's interesting is when we spoke to our researchers, David and Heather Lukas, they're experts at research, they dug through the data, and cross-tabulated all sorts of data points. Their conclusion, based on the data, that 28% were in denial. Life is so tough, it's hard to believe that nobody's had something that was painful that it changed their life, that was very painful. The conclusion was, while everybody may have had a crucible, some people may not be as aware of it.
Maybe they're saying, "Well, life is tough. Everybody I know has just been through a terrible circumstance. I don't really think of it as crucible. It's just called being alive. It's not fun." They might view it as almost as fatalistic mentality. Why call life a crucible? What does that mean? The first step is really being aware that you had a crucible in the first place.
Don't discount it saying, "Well, everybody else has gone through challenging circumstances, so I don't feel I'm special. Therefore, it's not really a crucible, it's just living." Don't discount it because you can't move on from something if you're in denial that it has happened. If you're in denial that it's changed you, and you need to be aware of that change, and make sure you're being changed for the good, not for the worst.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah.
Warwick Fairfax:
You've got to be aware of the problem. You can't deny it, and you have to be aware of the extent of the problem. You also have to be aware that this problem very often didn't just affect you, it affected others.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. I hope people don't, and I certainly maybe have beat myself up in my own crucible, my big crucible is that maybe I didn't get that point quickly enough. The reality of it is, as you were talking, I started thinking about if you take it for me, if I take a really, really hard nap, I'm really out, I'll wake up and I'll be like, the phone will ring or something, and I'll wake up and I'll not know where I am for a second.
I think that's a normal experience sometimes after a crucible. Not that you don't know where you are, but in our research, we talk about change the trajectory of your life. That can take you from everything's fine to everything's not fine, and it's not uncommon to not know, get your fingers on the full awareness of what you're going through. That's going to be a process pretty much every time, right?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, it's a great point. If you've, you said, had a nap, and you'd been knocked unconscious, and you're kind of waking up, you're not thinking clearly. You're not thinking, "Okay, I've got five things to do today. Got to make sure I call this person, and care for that, and do this." You're thinking, "Ow, what happened?" Basically. Typically, if not always, when you go through a crucible, in those first days, hours, months, your chances of making a good decision are low, between low and zero, probably.
Because you're in such pain, you can't think clearly. You can't feel clearly. Spiritually, you're typically in a bad way. Yeah, your awareness of yourself and what's happened, all you can think of, "This pain is excruciating," and that may be all the level of thinking that you're going through at that point. How in the world can you be fully aware of a problem when the only thing you can think of is, "This is excruciating, this is agony?"
That's the primary thought, rather than, "What happened? How much was it my fault? Are other people hurt? Let's look at it. What can I learn?" You're not thinking that. You're just thinking, "This is agony."
Gary Schneeberger:
Right, but here's the good news folks. That's not where it ends, right? The second example we have here about the way in which people experience crucibles in the aftermath of crucibles, the second example is there develops an increased awareness of the need to change. First thing is there's a limited awareness. Then as time goes on, as healing starts to bubble up and happen, the second step then becomes increased awareness of the need to change. Talk about that a little bit.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah. It's one thing to be aware that you've had a crucible. Maybe you're even aware that other people have been affected, but it's another thing to do something about it. In those first hours, days, months, you might be thinking, "Oh, my gosh, this is so painful. This is excruciating." You're not initially always thinking, "Okay, great, this is painful, but how do I get beyond it?"
Still, lastly, you're thinking, "Well, I'm grateful for this pain because hey, it didn't happen to me. It happened for me." Those aren't the initial thoughts.
Gary Schneeberger:
No, no, they're not.
Warwick Fairfax:
We get that. It's not like from zero to 100 in two milliseconds. That's the roadmap. No, it takes a tad longer than that. Eventually, and it could be weeks, months, maybe years, you've got to make a decision that says, "Okay, how do I move beyond this? How do I get out of the pit? How do I not let my worst day define me?" There's a reason we use that phrase so often at Beyond the Crucible, because we really don't want anybody to feel like their worst day has defined them, nobody listening, nobody anywhere.
How do you not let it define you? You've got to figure out, how do I move on? How do I move from trial to triumph? How do I move from my worst day to a life of significance? One of the things we say a lot at Beyond the Crucible is life is about choices, and we have to make the choice to move on. We have to make the choice that we're going to find a way to get out of the pit. We're going to find a way to move forward.
It may not be easy, it may take years. We've got to make a choice, "Okay, I'm not going to live in this pit any longer. I'm going to find a way to move on."
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah. The third point, I say of my own crucible, I tell people my alcoholic past, and I get sober. In my own testimony, I become a Christian. Then I tell people jokingly, "And then everything was perfect after that," which is just simply not the case after crucibles, right? That's why the third point here, I think, is extraordinarily helpful that our research uncovered, is the third one is fear: a resistance to change.
Why is that so prevalent in what people go through, that one step forward, one step back? It's not always, as you have said many times, a one and done. You can pass through stage two, where you have an increased awareness for the need to change, but then stage three can make you fearful and resistant to it. Why is that third stage, what happens there and why is that important?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, change is hard. It's often painful. Maybe you were used to the old life, but maybe that life is never going to be the same. Certainly, if you've had a physical crucible, there will be physical challenges that you didn't have before. If you're a survivor of abuse, you've lost a business, failed financially, maybe a marriage broke up, you've lost a loved one, there will be realities that you don't understandably want to face. It's so painful. How do you live in the new normal?
Often you're thinking, "Well, I don't want to live in the new normal. I'm not going to accept that what happened happened. I'm not willing to move on. I don't want to move into this new world." Ultimately, you can't undo what happened, either what happened to you or what you did. You've got to find a way to move forward. Yes, it's going to be hard. It's going to be painful. You're going to be a different person. There's going to be a new normal.
You've got to accept that fact, but it's so easy to fear the pain of the hard work that is going to be required. How do I get through today and be a different person? How does that happen? It's not easy. We get why people fear change and just don't want to change. What's the alternative? Staying in the agony of the pit? That's the alternative. You've got a choice. Do I want to go through the pain of change and moving on, which ultimately might lead me to triumph, to a life of significance?
There is a promise of a better tomorrow, so it's going to be painful, but it's pain for a reason. It's pain for a purpose in the sense to get to a better tomorrow, to a triumph, to a life of significance. The other pain is one that leads to no hope, to eternal living in a pit. That's a certainty if you don't move on. Why in the world would you want to do that? Of the two pains, there's one pain in which there's no hope. The other pain is one in which there is hope. Make the right choice. Choose the path of potential pain that leads to hope.
Gary Schneeberger:
Our conversation takes a fascinating turn when we discuss something not talked about a lot about the pit, but first, these words from our sponsors. It's true, isn't it, Warwick, that sometimes in crucible situations, the pit can feel comfortable, right? It's definitely haunting, it's definitely difficult, but it can feel comfortable, and it's hard to break out of.
That can be something that can knock people for a loop too is that the pit, as bad as it is, is known, and it's comfortable in the sense that you know what you're getting there, right?
Warwick Fairfax:
It's such a good point, Gary. I think of that movie that's set in Maine, the Shawshank Redemption, and there's a scene in that movie where a prisoner gets released and he can't handle being released. In fact, so much is his inner turmoil, he actually commits suicide. It is not uncommon for prisoners when they're being released to find a way to commit a crime to get back inside. It's the new normal for them. They're used to the pit.
Sometimes, as hard as it may be to understand, we're used to who we are in that pit. There may be some people that have grown up in a circumstance in which being in a crucible is the only life they've ever lived. We've known people in which there was never a before the crucible. The crucible was always what was.
There's a tendency in which we don't like to go into the world of the unfamiliar, and so we're used to the crucible, and we do understand that, but you may be used to it, it may be comfortable in a sense, but don't you want to live in a better tomorrow where there's hope, where you're helping others? Not just focused on your own understandable agony and pain, where you triumph, where you lead a life of significance?
We want you to live a better and more fulfilling tomorrow, and we think that's the better choice. Yes, there'll be pain, but just think, do you really want to be comfortable in agony, as opposed to maybe it'll be challenging, but it will be a more fulfilling life? We understand that, but don't choose comfort in the sense of staying in the pit, because ultimately, that's not a choice that you want to live your whole life through.
Gary Schneeberger:
No, and that's the great thing about the actionable truths is that they offer the hope that wherever you're at, whatever truth you're at, whatever part of the roadmap you're on, there's hope if you just take another step forward. You talk all the time, Warwick, about the power of one step, and that ability to take stock of the situation, and take that one step, even if it's fearful, even if it may not be comfortable, is critical to moving from trial to triumph.
Actionable truths truly are an important measure. Guess what, folks? We know they work. You know how we know they work? Our host has walked through them. This is going to be an interesting part of this Series Within the Show on the actionable truths, and Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, because we're going to look this, every actionable truth, we're going to look at it in a real life test. We're going to look at it through a real life lens.
Let's talk about your crucible, Warwick, and apply the three things we just covered from the example of your story.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah. Gary, I grew up in a 150 year old family media company in Australia. It was founded by my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax. It grew to be very large. It had newspapers, TV, radio, magazines. It had the equivalent of the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal, with the Sydney Morning Herald, the Age of Melbourne, and The Financial Review. In early 1987, my dad died. I was 26 years old. I was actually finishing my last year at Harvard Business School.
I'd done my undergraduate degree at Oxford University, and then worked on Wall Street, and there was turmoil within the family. I believe the company wasn't being well-run and wasn't being run along the ideals of the founder. The market felt that the company was right for hostile takeovers. There were various corporate raiders that seemed to be lurking. In late August 1987, I launched a $2.25 billion takeover to bring the vision of the company back to the founder and see that the company was well managed.
Unfortunately, through the takeover, we ended up having too much debt. Yes, I brought in new management that helped increase operating profits by 80% the first year, but the debt was so high, newspapers being very cyclical, that by late 1990, company had to file for bankruptcy. This was a devastating crucible. I felt responsible for ending 150 years of family control of this iconic media company. I felt I'd let my parents down, my family, and frankly, thousands of employees in the company. They felt safe with the Fairfax family.
Who was going to own the company now? It was just a lot of uncertainty. I was in a bad way. In my case, I was in a lot of pain. I felt like a lot of what happened was my fault. I'm somebody that tends, when things go wrong, not to blame others, but to blame myself. I don't know whether that's good or bad. It just is my typical psychological precondition, if you will. That's how I respond to things. I felt I'd let so many people down, parents, my dad, family, employees of the company.
Yeah, I don't know how much I was analyzing the problem, other than what have I done? How could I have been so dumb? That was the overriding thought. I made such cataclysmic mistakes. I had a Harvard MBA. How could I have made those assumptions? How could I have assumed that other family members wouldn't sell out when this takeover that they viewed as hostile was launched by a 26-year-old? Who'd want to be trapped in a company controlled by a 26-year-old?
I was focused on my part and just look what I've done. How could I have been so dumb? That was sort of the main analysis, the main feelings that I was going through. Yeah, I probably didn't have an accurate awareness of what happened.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. We talked earlier as we were unpacking what happens in the aftermath of a crucible, this idea that it's not one and done. There can be one step forward, one step back, one step forward, two steps back, three steps back. Another way to think about that is there's delayed healing. It's not instantaneous healing, and it's not necessarily healing that's over and done, next, check the box. Move on.
In your own story, did what you've just described, did what you were going through after your crucible, did that lead to some delayed healing for you as you were, even before it was created, the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, as you were traversing the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap before it existed, but it was in what you were doing? Was there some delayed healing in your process?
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, I think there was. As the years have gone by, I realized, yes, I certainly share a lot of responsibility and blame for this, but I look back, and there were rifts within the family going back decades, even before I was born. My father dying, it was certainly a catalyst in terms of some of the divisions, perhaps. There was just a lot of things that would make being in that situation very difficult. I'm more of a reflective advisor, not a take-no-prisoners, corporate raider, or even a general manager executive.
There were so many reasons why to make that work would've been very difficult. I was listening to my parents' truth, if you will. My dad had been thrown out as chairman by other family members 11 years before, 1976. That, I didn't consciously think that was a factor at the time. Looking back, clearly it was. I felt like, how could other family members throw my father out as chairman, a man who I deeply admired and loved? There was all sorts of emotional influences, rifts.
It was just a very, very difficult situation. Doesn't mean to say I didn't make mistakes or I shouldn't share a blame, but there were so many other factors that it's enabled me to be a bit more, not lenient, but show a bit more grace to myself. Look, I was 26. It was a very difficult situation with the family and the rifts, and my dad having been thrown out as chairman, and I was hearing my parents' truth about how bad were. Whether they were or weren't is not really so relevant here.
It's just there was all sorts of factors, some poor advice from advisors, all sorts of factors that led to what happened. It doesn't mean it wasn't my fault. I certainly made a lot of mistakes. What it means is to be fully aware of the problem, and the crucible is really helpful to realize, okay, it would've been tough for anybody. Certainly tough for me, being a reflective advisor and being so young. Being aware of the problem has been very helpful as I move forward in my life, to give myself grace, and also to help me learn some lessons from it.
Just because you're hearing one truth from one set of people, even if it's your parents, it's not necessarily absolute truth. Get other perspectives. Obviously, I was young, so I'm at that age, give myself a bit of grace about doing that. I'm not going to go to other family members and say, "Hey, I was 15. You threw my dad out as chairman. Why did you do it? I'm just curious." That would've been expecting a lot, and they never would've brought it up with me.
Yeah, I've learned more to give myself some grace about what happened, and it was tough, but I think I have a more realistic, more objective view of what happened than I did at the time.
Gary Schneeberger:
As we talk about this, what keeps becoming clear to me is that, and I've never thought about it this way, a crucible is something that starts the process of you need to recover from this. You need to... It changes the trajectory of your life. That's what a crucible is in a noun sense, right? There is actionable, it's an actionable truth too. It's a bit of a verb too. Things that you need to do, steps that you need to take, realities that you need to face, courage you need to muster.
There is something that's absolutely actionable in the aftermath of a crucible, that without it, you're not going to get to where you've gotten and where our guests on the podcast have gotten. Does that make sense, the way I'm seeing that? It really is. A crucible happens to you and it happens for you. It does both in a real way.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, it's so true, Gary. One of the things I think of with crucibles, it's not one and done. It's like, "Okay, I spent a few months, I got counseling, maybe got some spiritual advice. I've learned about my gifts. Great. I've gone through a six months intensive, get over your crucible boot camp workshop, and I'm good. I never have to, there's no residual pain. I'm never triggered. Everything's just great. I may not know my vision yet, but I'm moving forward. I'm never looking back. I'm never thinking about what happened, never blaming myself more or less than I should. I'm good to go. I'm bulletproof."
That's just not real life. In my case, it took years to recover, as we'll get into. Most of the nineties were pretty challenging. Even now, if once in a blue moon, they sort of write about me in Australia in the media, and is that painful? Sure. Going back to Sydney, it's not always easy because it triggers memories of mistakes. There's various challenges within different family members. Yeah, I like to think I'm in a pretty good place, but it doesn't mean that the healing doesn't take a while.
It doesn't mean that there won't be scars. It doesn't mean that you won't be triggered. It's unrealistic to think that you'll never be triggered by your crucible. Most of us who are human, given the right set of circumstances, of course, we'll be triggered. The question is, okay, when you're triggered, what are you going to do about it?
You're going to wallow in the sense of self-recrimination or anger when you're triggered and say, "Okay, I understand what's happening. Let me figure out a way to move on from this subsequent almost crucible aftershock, if you will, like an earthquake. How am I going to move on from this subsequent feeling?"
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. Well, let's have you finish the story, finish the last mile markers Beyond the Crucible Roadmap for your own story, where the actionable truths came into play.
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah, the rest of the story is after the company had to file for bankruptcy, we moved to America in early 1990s, my wife's American, and those years were tough. In a sense, they were my wilderness years. I know Winston Churchill talks about that in the 1930s when he was out of power, and obviously, not in that league, but in my own little world, they were my wilderness years. I felt terrible about myself and my self-image. I was very low.
Towards the end of that decade, I realized, I got to find some way to move forward. It wasn't like I wasn't trying in terms of getting some job, but it was pretty tough to get a job with a resume that said sort of out of work media mogul, or...
Gary Schneeberger:
Right, right.
Warwick Fairfax:
It was pretty tough. You've got to find a way to get out the pit of despair and self-incrimination and self-flagellation. Eventually, really, the secret for me being able to move forward was something we talk about a lot on Beyond the Crucible, and that's the power of one small step. The step I took, it really was a very small baby step. I couldn't get even to first base with an interview with any job. I went to a temp agency in Maryland where we live, and they found part-time positions for financial analysts.
Well, I'd worked on Wall Street. Back in the day, I was actually pretty good at Excel, so they put me through a little test on Excel. It's like, "You're actually pretty good at this." I have an analytical ability. After I went to this temp agency, that led to an initial part-time position with a sports company in Maryland. It was actually a large sports company that had the US headquarters in Maryland at the time. That led to a full-time position with an aviation services company.
Bit by bit, I got good performance reviews. I worked hard doing, financial analysis and then some strategic and business analysis. That first small step, getting that first temp job at that sports company at the time, doing budgeting, that was huge. It didn't seem like a big step. I was a Harvard MBA. I was thinking, "Gosh, I'm probably the lowest paid Harvard MBA in history."
At the time, while I was, I don't really care about money, but it wasn't good for the ego, but I was just happy for something. My kids were small. I wanted to bring in some kind of income. It was a small step, but in hindsight, it was huge getting that first several month temp job at that sports company in Maryland. It was a huge step, even though it seemed really, really small at the time.
Gary Schneeberger:
What I love about what you've just talked about, because you've just walked through the entirety of your biggest crucible, which you've talked about many times in many venues, in many places, you've given speeches about it, you've done interviews about it, you've done podcasts on it. What I love about the way that you just told that is that you've now arrived at a place, because of the healing that's come as you've walked the roadmap, as you've employed the actionable truths, you've arrived at a place where you can do it.
Tell me if this is accurate, somewhat matter-of-factly. There's not pain attached with it as much as there was in the early days, I think when you talk about it now, is there?
Warwick Fairfax:
It's very true. You might be thinking, "Well, why?" I've moved beyond my crucible. I'm not defined by my worst day. I am, from my perspective, leading a life of significance, a life on purpose, dedicated to serving others. Yes, I love what I do at Beyond the Crucible. I happen to be an elder at a non-denominational church in Maryland. I've been on my kids' school board, which is a Christian school, there's a number of other non-profits that we support that I help advise, I'm involved in in different ways.
I'm involved in things I deeply care about, organizations' mission I passionately believe in. I don't wallow in what happened with the takeover, the family of business, John Fairfax Limited. Doesn't mean I'm not triggered from time to time, but I don't really think about it much. It's easier to look back at what happened when you've moved on and you've had years of helping people. Frankly, my self-image was so low, there was a time in which I would think I couldn't lead my way out of a paperback, is the image that I had.
I couldn't really help anybody. I don't say that anymore. I may not be a CEO type, a manager in that sense, but I like to think I have some wisdom, some knowledge of leadership from obviously my challenges, mistakes, if you will, a certified international coach, Federation executive coach. Through my coaching, being on nonprofit boards, through, I like to think the thought leadership we have here at Beyond the Crucible, from learning from my guests, I like to feel like I am having an impact in my own way.
I feel like people see me in a different light these days. They're not looking at, "Oh, young Warwick," as they used to call me back in Australia because my dad is still Warwick Fairfax or was. It's like, at what point am I not young Warwick? Maybe if I hit 80 or 90, I won't be young Warwick, but I don't know. It's like, surely I've passed that stage, but maybe not. I'm not defined by that anymore. People see me very differently.
I even feel like I'm respected, in some sense, where back in the day, I'd say, "How could anybody respect me? I just wanted to hide. I'm not worthy of respect. I deserve everything I get. All those terrible cartoons in the Australian paper deserve all." That was almost my subconscious sense. I don't look at it that way. I'm not perfect. There's a lot of, I'm pretty, if not very, self-aware, just because I'm a reflective person, but I'm able to objectively say, "I do make contributions in my own world that people respect, and I'm grateful to be able to make a contribution and not being seen as this idiot, young person that could have had it all and just blew it because of his stupidity and naivety."
Everybody that knows me knows my story. I talk about my story at Beyond the Crucible like every podcast. It's not like I'm hiding it. It's out there, but people don't see me that way. In terms of how people see me, they don't see that I'm defined by that mistake and those terrible circumstances. They don't at all. I don't see myself that way, and others who know me don't see me that way either. Yes, it's a lot easier to be able to talk about it because I have moved on. Doesn't mean I'm not triggered, but I don't wallow in the pit. I'm not in the pit of despair anymore.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. That, folks, right there is an example of, I have jokingly referred to Warwick as Patient Zero for Beyond the Crucible. He's patient zero in the case of how, and why, and how deeply the actionable truths work. That is great news for you and for all of us who go through crucibles. Folks, we're just getting started.
This is just the first of 10 actionable truths. Warwick, as we wrap up this episode, what would you say is the big takeaway, the big couple of takeaways that you want to leave our listeners and viewers with today?
Warwick Fairfax:
The first step is really being aware of what happened, having an accurate appraisal of your crucible, what happened, how it affected you, how it affected others, your level of responsibility, not to overly blame, or not blaming yourself enough, but just really having an accurate appraisal of what happened. As I've talked about for me, grew up in a very difficult situation with a lot of turmoil and infighting between different factions. I'm more of a reflective advisor than a take-charge corporate executive.
I was hearing my parents' truths, not necessarily objective truth. There was all sorts of factors. My dad dying, and my other family members throwing my father out as chairman 11 years before, I now feel like I have an accurate appraisal of the problem. You have to have an accurate appraisal of what happened, why it happened. You can't move on until you really know what happened and why, and look at it objectively. We also need to be aware that we need to change. You can't just live in the pit.
You can't be like Shawshank Redemption and say, "Look, this is the only life I've ever lived or the only life I can remember, or I'm such a horrendous person. I don't deserve to be paroled. I don't deserve to get out of jail. I don't deserve to get out of prison. I need to stay here because I'm not worthy of anybody. Don't look at me, don't see me. Ignore me. Put me in solitary confinement with no windows for the rest of my life."
Some people can feel like that even if it wasn't their fault. People who have been abused, from what I understand, they can feel shame, even though none of it was their fault, but they feel like they're broken, they're damaged. Whatever leads you to that sense of shame, whether it was your fault or not your fault, you can't live in that pit forever. I believe from a spiritual perspective, I think of Psalm 139, which talks about we're all beautifully and wonderfully made by God, I believe we do have a creator that did make us beautifully and wonderfully.
Every human being has worth, has value. You have worth, you have value. You do not deserve to be in the pit. Make a decision that I will not stay here. I'll figure out a way to get out of it. That's really the key point is that we need to make a choice, that we will get beyond our crucible. We will move on. We are worthy as a human being. We will not stay in the pit. We won't be there forever. I think one of the things that helps you move on, and I know this doesn't happen overnight, is when you begin to have hope in a better tomorrow.
Doesn't mean that you think, "Oh, it'll all be roses and sunshine, and there won't be any pain, and I'll get over all of my pain and everything will be good." You just have the sense that there is hope. You have to have hope. You have to think that there will be a vision, a triumph, if you will, where you can get beyond your crucible, and lead a life of significance. This will be a life on purpose. This will be dedicated to serving others. Think about that better tomorrow, and maybe there'll be pain to change, but that pain leads to hope. That pain leads to joy and fulfillment.
Change doesn't happen easily, but make the decision that faced with the pain of staying where I am, almost like eternal pain forever, the pain of change, which leads to hope and a better tomorrow, which pain is worth it? Choose the pain of change. Choose to get out of the crucible. It won't be just you by yourself. If you're wise, you'll use what we call a team of fellow travelers, people that come alongside you that are for you. Maybe you have complimentary gifts that can encourage you when you feel down, which we all do from time to time.
That first step is really making the decision to get beyond your crucible. Just to go back to what we said, think about, if today's your worst day, what one small step can I take to get out of that crucible? Pretty much every guest we've had on the podcast has said that first small step was the biggest one. What small step are you going to take to try to get beyond your crucible?
I know it won't be easy. Don't think, "Oh, it's meaningless. What's the point?" Why could going to a temp agency and getting a part-time job with a sports company, why is that... That's not revolutionary. In of itself, it's not, but one small step leads to another small step, and that leads to what we call the flywheel of hope. We want that flywheel of hope to begin. What one small step are you going to take today to get out of your crucible?
Gary Schneeberger:
Folks, I have been in the communications business long enough to know when the last word on the subject has been spoken. Our host, Warwick Fairfax, has just spoken it with a thunderclap. Very well done, very great episode. This has been great, folks. This is just, remember, this is just the first actionable truth we'll be discussing in depth this year. Each month, we'll take a look at a new one, and how it's connected to the previous one to build out this Beyond the Crucible Roadmap we've been discussing.
Next time, we'll start taking a look at, drum roll, please, self-reflection. That's the next topic on the Series Within the Show on the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap. Until the next time we're together, folks, please remember this. We want you to believe these truths that we talk about. More importantly than that, we want you to take action on them. That's why we called them actionable truths, because that's what's going to help you along the roadmap from trial to triumph. We will see you next week.
Welcome to a journey of transformation with Beyond the Crucible Assessment. Unlike any other, this tool is designed to guide you from adversity to achievement. As you answer a few insightful questions, you won't just find a label like the Helper or the Individualist. Instead, you'll uncover your unique position in the journey of resilience. This assessment reveals where you stand today, the direction you should aim for, and crucially, the steps to get there.
It's more than an assessment. It's a roadmap to a life of significance. Ready? Visit Beyondthecrucible.com. Take the free assessment, and start charting your course to a life of significance today.
Judy Isaacson Elias’ traumatic childhood was caused, she says, by the traumas her father brought home with him from his service in World War II. Her dad was withdrawn, struggled with job stability and connecting with his family. The dysfunction in her home led her to run away and turn to alcohol and drugs.
But a trip to Israel her father arranged for her led her to reconnect with her Jewish faith, and the healing she felt in doing so would decades later give her an idea to help other veterans like her father who suffered from what has come to be known as moral injury.
She founded the Heroes to Heroes, a program that equips struggling veterans with a life plan that incorporates all aspects of well-being, with spirituality as a cornerstone for ongoing support and belonging within their communities.
“The miracles that I’ve seen here are just phenomenal,” Elias says. “The reconnection to faith is just the most beautiful thing to watch. My belief is once you heal from within, all the other healing is easy.”
To learn more about Heroes to Heroes, visit www.heroestoheroes.org
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
Enjoy the show? Leave a review on your favorite podcast app and be sure subscribe and tell your friends and family about us.
Warwick Fairfax:
Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond The Crucible.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
If I'm going to work with vets, I'm going to solve this problem. All of a sudden it started, it became a mission. And I don't know how in so many ways, how much control I had over this mission and whether I was able to say no.
Gary Schneeberger:
That's our guest this week, Judy Isaacson Elias talking about the moment she found her calling after a tough upbringing that lasted well into adulthood, as you'll hear her explain, the trials began due to the moral injury her father suffered because of what he experienced during his wartime military service. The nonprofit she founded, Heroes to Heroes helps traumatize veterans like her dad. How? Keep watching.
Warwick Fairfax:
Well, Judy, thank you so much for being here. I love what you do with Heroes to Heroes. Just working with veterans has been through so much, they've seen so much, and you talk about moral injury, which I'd never really heard of before. So I'd love to explore a bit more about that. But before we get to it, I'd love to hear a bit of the backstory because whenever we talk to people, there's often a reason behind the passion they have for serving others. There's often an origin story. And it seems like there is for you, Judy. So just talk a bit about how you grew up and your dad and just some of the themes that led you to do what you're doing now.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
Yes. There's so much to it. I grew up in a tough household. We're three daughters. My father was a World War II vet. Second day Normandy, battle of the Bulge. He liberated a concentration camp and in many ways he never came home. Our family structure was just tough. Okay. I will say many people would dream to be in my situation. We weren't impoverished. We didn't have extra money, but we functioned. But emotionally, it was very, very difficult. People say to me, wow, I miss my father's smile. I miss his laugh. I don't remember my father's smile or laugh. He had a tough time just being out of military. And at the time it was buck it up, move forward, put on your best shoes and get to work. And times were tough in the house. Growing up with my sisters was a challenge. I'm a middle child. And I ended up rebelling. There was some mental illness in the house and I couldn't function with it. I really felt sorry for my dad. I made friends who were interested in alcohol and drugs and going down the wrong path and typical teen stuff, but I started taking it a little too far.
I'm from a Jewish family and my parents were very connected to their faith to a point. And everything became about you have to do this, you have to do that because of God. Not even necessarily because of God, because of being Jewish. I didn't get it. I didn't understand my faith. I didn't understand what was going on in my house, why it was so chaotic. And I checked out and I did everything I could to get away. I went to stay with friends. I didn't want to be with my family. And I kept in touch with my father. And at one point he said to me, "Would you go to Israel?" And I said, "I'm not interested. I don't want anything to do with my faith or Israel." I was gone and I felt there was no way back.
And at one point my father said, "Look, we're going to take you. We found some money. We can send you on a pilgrimage to Israel with a group of teens. Would you go?" And then he said, "Would you go for me?" And I said, "Oh boy. How can I say no?" In my 16 and a half year old way I said, "All right, I'll do it." And in my head I said, "Well, there's no drinking age. I'm going with a bunch of people my age. I'll find a reason. I'll find things to do. We'll have a good time." The next thing I know, I'm in Jerusalem where I am right now as I'm speaking. And it was the day we were going to the Western Wall. And it's interesting I'm having this conversation because about five hours ago, I was at the Western Wall today. And I said to my friends, I can't go. This is too hard. I have cursed God. I've been so bad, I can't face it. And my friend said, "Look, you're Jewish. We're in Israel. You've got to do this." And I literally had tears rolling down my face as I'm going to the wall and I was shaking. I said, "I don't deserve this. I'm not worthy of this." And my friend said, "You got to do it."
I went up to the wall, I put my hand on that wall and it was like my whole life came together. I just said, "Wait. I'm not alone and I must have a mission. I must have a purpose. I've got to do this." And I came home and I started getting more ... Just being active in my faith. I decided to keep kosher, which is something, being Jewish, it made me know who I was every minute of the day because I had to worry about what I ate. And I started getting involved more and more in my faith. I got married. We decided to raise our kids to be Orthodox Jews, which at the time I really didn't know what it was. Okay. Welcome to a real world here. But in that house I recreated my childhood home and I was walking on eggshells and I was scared to be home. I don't feel at times I was the best parent because I didn't know how to ... I didn't have a role model. I didn't know how to be that mom, that loving mom. But I worked hard and I pushed at it.
I went through a difficult time because my marriage was not a good one. And I was again here I recreated the afraid to be home, walking on eggshells in my house, afraid I was going to do the wrong thing. And in the meantime, I had a very big career in media. And so I would go out during the day, be a strong woman, come home and turn into someone else. So again, I started to run and I started to just ... Took a job where I was traveling and just be out. And in 2001, my father passed away as a result of a car accident on his way to a Jewish war veterans meeting. And I said, "What's going on?" His friends all came to the funeral. I still have the flag. And one of his friends said to me, we were so surprised your dad went this way. We thought he would go in his own time and place. I was shocked by it. And I said, "I don't really know what he's talking about. I don't get it." And I just parked it and moved on.
And in 2009, I was invited to Walter Reed to visit our soldiers. And when I walked into that hospital and I saw our soldiers there, and I looked in their eyes and I said, "There's something going on. I've got to do something as a mom, as someone who's been through some stuff." In many ways, they look like me. And I said, "Let me help out." And I started volunteering at veterans organizations. I liked some of what I saw, but there was a lot I didn't like. And one of the things I saw, people were doing what I had been doing as a teen, which is send them for a weekend, go out drinking, go out partying. Yes, everybody feels better. It's a great time. But then you go home. At 22 suicides a day I saw we were not solving this problem.
So I said, "I'm a problem solver. I've got to ..." And in many ways I was working on myself and I didn't even realize it at the time. So I thought back to when I was 16 years old and I said, "Wow. What if I took veterans who were struggling and struggling with just this pain ..." And I didn't know it was called moral injury. It was a gut feeling. What if I took them and helped them find their faith and help find them connection? Would it help them the way it helped me move forward? And I thought how I had moved very much forward but not forward enough to where I am now. And it is a growth process.
But I started studying suicide and I was looking at the research and I'm going, why would somebody do this? On my darkest days that never even occurred to me. And when you dig deep into suicide research, it seems to come to two things. People need a sense of belonging and a sense of faith. And then as I started looking at this, it started coming together and helping them, first of all find that connection to faith and find a sense of belonging. And I found with me, I had found my faith, I hadn't yet found my sense of belonging. And so it all came together at that moment in 2010. I said, "Wow. That's what I've been looking for for the past ..." At the time, 50 years. Was that sense of belonging. You know what? Maybe this is what I needed to do. And that's how Heroes to Heroes started.
Warwick Fairfax:
That epiphany you had at the Western Wall was pretty amazing. It felt like it changed your life. You found hope amidst the challenges you grew up with. It seems like as we sometimes say you found an anchor for your soul. So do you feel like there was a before the Western Wall, Judy and an after the Western Wall Judy and you were just a fundamentally different person?
Judy Isaacson Elias:
There definitely was. Before the Western Wall, Judy was ... I don't even know if I really thought things through. I think there was a lot of that teenage, how do I feel for the moment? What am I doing for the moment? And there was no, where am I going? There was no self discovery. There was no stopping and thinking. Probably, when I think back, it was too much for me to process and there was no one to reach out to. So no adult in the room in many ways I could say, "Wait a minute. I need your help with something." And that was not something I was taught to do. I didn't have access to that that I knew of. I probably did. There were probably adults there who would've said, "Hey, I'm happy to hear you." But I didn't know how to get there. When I think about that with teens and people in general, that's something that I work on very hard helping people understand that I'm there.
So there was that part. And then after I felt like had a foundation and I had something to strive for and I had something. I felt like God was with me now all the time. That I wasn't alone. That as I was making these decisions, even if they were decisions that were just little steps to move forward, I felt like I was going to be okay.
Warwick Fairfax:
It's the sense that you belong and that God cares about every intimate aspect of your life. He created the stars and the heaven. He created the heavens and the earth that there is a God that actually cares about Judy and every aspect of her life and that you belong. That's a transformative experience.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
It made all the difference in the world. I was able to go to college. I ended up spending my junior year in Jerusalem here at Hebrew University. And I was able to take chances that were really good life choice chances instead of, you know what, let me just do this and see what's going on. I was able to look at things and go, I wanted to help other people. I thought I wanted to be a social worker and I wanted to work with adoptive children. And I don't know why at the time. And I think back to that, it's not a passion for me now, but at the time that was a passion for me. And there were just no jobs there for a BA in social work. When I finished school, I ended up getting into media and building a career and liking that.
But there was always something richer in my life. And I think that's what my faith did and my connection did for me. It broadened my life. It made it richer. And as I started getting more and more observant and observing the Sabbath and observing the holidays and building a family around that, I started seeing how rich my life was and how many experiences I had that were really good positive ... I no longer had to go drink. I no longer had to go to a rock concert. I didn't have to go to all these events to get that high anymore.
Warwick Fairfax:
You had this inner peace, this inner belonging. You may not have known where God had have you go in the course of your life, but you felt like there's a purpose, there's a direction, and that gives you some sense of tranquility.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
It is. And it's like, I guess like a landing pad. If something was going on and I had a ... I don't know. I had a very tough marriage. So there was that space I could get to and I could say, "All right. You know what? The kids are all right. We're doing well. We're having a nice Shabbat dinner together. We're enjoying the holiday. We're just experiencing the greatest things in life together." Which is the family and a place where my kids are happy. They felt safe at home and I never had that as a child. So being able to give that to them and that peace. But I started growing and growing with it, and then my kids got older and moved out and my marriage got very, very difficult and I started going backwards and that was scary. And that was around the early ... Finally, I left in 2016 and it took me a couple of years again of self-discovery, but I had the basis, I had the foundation. And I was able to say, "Okay. This is what I'm looking for. I'm looking for that peace."
I never had a home until I moved out, had my own apartment where I felt comfortable 100% of the time. And I said, "If I'm going to ever do this again, get married again, I want to be able to have a home that feels like this, where when I walk in, I'm not walking on eggshells and I know I can do it." Six months later, I had my first female team travel to Israel with Heroes to Heroes, and I accompanied them. And one of the young women from Israel, she had been an IDF soldier, she was a veteran. She volunteered for the program. And she turned to me on the last day and said, "I'd like to introduce you to my dad." And I said, "I don't mix business and ... I don't know." And she said, "No. I think you two are a lot alike." And I said, "You know what? I'm going to take the leap. I can have faith. I can build up that faith."
My husband and I just visited her with our fourth grandchild from her. We have been married for going on six years and it's been the greatest experience of my life. We have this beautiful, safe, peaceful home. And he decided in his retirement to study to become a rabbi. And he ended up getting ordained about a year and a half ago. And we have this just rich house of just the two of us, our dog, Benji and God, and it is fabulous. And it's just been a wonderful experience. And now he works as a chaplain. He volunteers, he works with me as a chaplain for Heroes to Heroes. And he works with our vets. He's an Air Force vet, so he has been in the military. He understands. And we're building this incredible, incredible life together that I feel like I conjured it up in a dream.
Warwick Fairfax:
So I want to shift to what you do with Heroes to Heroes. It's interesting as you talk about a very successful and at one point, Morgan Stanley and then media negotiated for advertising and agencies. I think you said you were doing great and working with some great people, but yet it felt like there was something missing. I think you've said something like it was fun and lucrative but not fulfilling. It seemed like there was a hole in your heart and your sou. It wasn't terrible. I think you're maybe close to 50, but it felt like ... It's almost like a conversation with God saying, "God, I'm doing fine, but I think I want more."
Judy Isaacson Elias:
I don't even know if I was consciously seeking something, but I think I was. I don't know. I don't know if I didn't have the confidence to do it or I just was thinking about it. But when I was in Walter Reed, all of a sudden I was like, "I have to do something." And it overpowered me. And I just went. And I'm the type of person if it needs to get done, I'm a problem solver. Solve the problem. I believe that life is about solving problems. If you solve them well, you have a great life. If you don't solve them so well, life is not going to be as fun. If I'm going to work with vets, I'm going to solve this problem. And all of a sudden it became a mission. And I don't know how much in so many ways, how much control I had over this mission and whether I was able to say no.
And I remember when I took the first team of vets. In the beginning I thought I would just take them on that journey to Israel and I would take teams of 10 or 12 vets on this journey to Israel, have some IDF vets meet them and have them go through what I went through. And that's how it started. And after the first one I said, "Maybe I'll do it once a year and it'll be like a hobby. This'll be like my heart hobby." And then when we went and they kept saying to me, I feel at peace for the first time. I feel connected. I feel like I belong to ... They were saying all the things that I started to feel, but they were even further along than I was, especially at 16. And I said, "Wow. I better do this again. I'll do it another year."
Warwick Fairfax:
So what about those first trip or two made them feel connected, that they belonged?
Judy Isaacson Elias:
We take a lot of vacations. Going to Israel is not a vacation. It's a journey. And a lot of people are scared to go. And I'm not talking about terrorism or wars or whatever's going on now. Because right now all the kids are in school, people are shopping, people are out and doing things, and we're hearing bombs are flying every minute. Okay. Thank God right now we are enjoying every minute here. But going to Israel causes everyone to confront some of the toughest stuff. It's that God relationship, which is one of the toughest relationships to build. And I know I work on it every day.
And so when our vets came here for the first time ... And I'm seeing it right now. We have 30 here now. And on Monday ... I guess it was Monday ... I don't know what day of the week. The first day we were here, one of the things they did was get baptized in the Jordan River. Now that is an intense, intense experience. And they're learning about Jesus and his life and why he spoke the way he spoke and who he was and what his life was like. And watching them grow, it's not easy to be here and not ask yourself a few questions. Yes, there's a fear of terrorism. Yes, there's a fear of war. I think in many cases there's a bigger fear of that relationship. And what is it going to do to me and how is it going to change me, change my spouse, change my child, whomever it is we're with? It's scary. Because the air is different.
I went to the western wall today, my four-year-old granddaughter wrote this note. She was upset we were leaving. So her mother said, "They're going to the Western Wall. She had been there in April. Do you want to write a note to God?" And she wrote, "Thank you. I love you.", and drew him a picture. And today I did a video of me folding it up and putting it in the wall. And I said, "Now Hashem is going to read it. He has your note." And I sent the video home.
Gary Schneeberger:
Warwick asked Judy about the specific ways Heroes to Heroes helps veterans overcome moral injury after these words from our sponsor.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
It's intense. For me because I'm here so much, it made going to the wall so much more important, crucial. That was a connection that my granddaughter is going to see throughout her life. She now has a video of that note. So it's very life-changing and every time I come, I learn more and I get more connected. And one of the things I'm working on is my personal connection to God, which we call bitachon. And it's the trust and it's the faith.
Having these conversations with these vets. We talk about God, we talk about faith practices. We talk about things that ... We actually work with them through the Hebrew Bible to teach them about repentance and paths to repentance. Because as Jews, we repent twice a day. And my husband met with a team today, and one of the questions was, well, how do you repent? And my husband gave a very wise answer. I'm going to paraphrase it. I can't quote it directly, but he said, "We repent at the end of our lives." And they said, "So what does that mean?" And he said, "We never know when the end of our lives is so we repent every day. And on Yom Kippur we have this special day." Right now we're talking about forgiveness in the curriculum while they're in Israel. Last night their assignment was to write a letter to God. And we actually have a published book of some of the letters to God. And I would say to your viewers, if you haven't written a letter to God, write a letter to God. Because what you will learn about yourself and where you are and your struggles when you lay it out ... If you lay it out and God knows what you're looking for and you're willing to accept his guidance, you make it easier for him to help you.
Warwick Fairfax:
So what you do is with these veterans are so profound because psychology, lots of things can be helpful, but so much as you talk about moral injury, it's this war within the soul, it's self-hatred or what did I do or what did I not do and what did I see? And it's just things that obviously you would understand better than I. But to really link this to faith, maybe it seems obvious, but it seems revolutionary. And what I find fascinating is obviously you have veterans from different faith backgrounds, some Jewish, some Christians, Catholic, Protestant, there's different nominations obviously within-
Judy Isaacson Elias:
We've had Muslims-
Warwick Fairfax:
Yeah. You have people of all sorts of different backgrounds. But I find it fascinating that you have different, probably pastors and ministers, rabbis, imams, you have people to help reinforce the faith backgrounds that people came from. That seems a pretty radical idea. So somebody coming from the Jewish faith, for instance, having pastors or people that can help people reconnect to their Christian faith or maybe even more radical to help Muslims collect to their Muslim faith. At least from a Jewish perspective. So talk a bit about that because that's mind-blowing. Why do you do that? It sounds amazing, but not everybody would do what you've done if you follow.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
I don't know. Personally, I don't think it's extraordinary. I think it's dealing with people where they are. And faith is so important and life is so important. And God created each one of us. One of the things that veterans need to understand and people who before they get to a place of suicide of even that thought, our life was given to us by God, and it's not up to us to take it away. And one of the things that we were put on earth for and we were created for is to be God's servants. And if we do something like take our life away, we're stealing from him. And to build that, to build that connection is so important. About 80% of the vets we work with will say that they believe that God wishes they were dead. Okay. Now, how do you wake up in the morning when you feel that way?
I know in my faith, the first thing we do when we wake up in the morning before we say good morning to our spouse is thank God for giving us another day. We have a prayer we say. It's 12 words every morning. It's called the Modeh Ani and it's thank you for giving me another day, for giving me my soul. And we don't give enough time, we don't give enough credence to fixing a soul. When people go to war and these moral injuries, the shame and guilt, those are soul crushing. So we've got to fix that soul. And what I find is it doesn't matter whether the soul is Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Hindu whatever. It's about that connection to God and that belonging and that faith and just giving everyone that opportunity. Israel has it for everyone and Israel becomes our tool. But our 12-month curriculum starts with values.
And values are so important. Identifying values. We talk about faith values, we talk about living a life of values. And if faith is one of your top three or five values, how do you live that life of faith? What are the steps you take? Often one of the things that is a challenge, I know in Christianity what I'm seeing is there are not a lot of action steps. In Judaism we have to watch every food we eat. Friday night we have ... What we wear. The clothes we buy. Everything is ... We have 613 commandments. There's something about everything in there. We can't just walk into any restaurant. We can't walk into restaurants. My kids go to McDonald's only when they're in Israel and find a kosher McDonald's. We don't have the world open to us like that. We've got to look at everything. And on Friday, what time is the Sabbath? We're preparing for the Sabbath, we're preparing for holidays. It's constant.
One of the things we talk to the vets about is how do you make Sunday into Sabbath? You were given this day. So tomorrow night is Friday night, it's our Sabbath, and for the first time we're going to show them what it's like to observe a Shabbat. So tomorrow night, they're going to go to the Western Wall because they're going to see what it's like to bring in Shabbat at the Western Wall, the Sabbath. They'll come home and my husband and I are going to show them what it's like to have a traditional Shabbat the Sabbath dinner. Friday night dinner. There's a blessing we give our children. Every single one of them will get that blessing. My kids, they're in their 30s, I still call them and they get their blessings each week or they'll call me to get their blessings. One of my sons, because of the schedule, we're not going to be able to speak tomorrow. He called me last night. He wanted his blessing. So when parents bless their children, what we're saying to them is, you are my blessing. You're so important to me.
Warwick Fairfax:
So just talk about just with these veterans, they've been through moral injury and it seems like a key to them stopping with the suicidal ideation and forgiving themselves is to anchor them in their faith and beliefs. And maybe there's a little bit of theological work there. In other words, whether it's Judaism or Christianity, God is a loving God. He's a forgiving God. Doesn't mean there aren't consequences for actions or inactions, but here's a God that forgives and wants to bless us. Obviously theology looks slightly different on Judaism and Christianity, but the concept is the same. So it's like God is not a vengeful God that will never forgive. So it's part of helping them unlearn poor theology. Whether it's Judaism or Christianity for that matter, if that makes sense. It's a tough thing to understand God does love you. There is a purpose, and at least on our podcast and the stories, very often God will use what you've been through to help others.
I think of the story of Joseph in I think Genesis 50. Something somebody said to me when I lost the 150-year-old family media business, which was not about the money, but just letting down thousands of people and family members. It was a very difficult thing to get through. In the story of Joseph at the end of Genesis 50, it says something like, they made it for evil, but God made it for good. And the sense that God had a plan. Joseph might have understood about being sold into slavery and somehow being pharaoh's right-hand man, basically prime minister. And there was a plan. And so just the sense that God can use your worst moment to help others. Whether it's Judaism or Christianity, the concept is the same. Helping them understand that this is horrific, but God can use this for good. You can help others. And when you help others in my own life, and I'm sure in yours, there's a certain redemptive level of healing. Doesn't make it all go away, but it's like, okay, what I went through the tough stuff with my dad and my first husband and all, and some of the mistakes I made, God used all that to help redeem my life and help redeem other people's lives. Does that make sense?
Judy Isaacson Elias:
Right. It's so important. And I think people ask me, what would you have changed? And I say nothing. I needed to go through those struggles. And I was blessed with going through them young. And as an adult, the struggle I had as an adult with my marriage, it was something I needed to go through because it helped me understand who I needed to be in a marriage, what my role was and what marriage I wanted and how to be that partner. And we talked to them about God gives us tests. He gave Abraham 10 tests. Abraham was the first one. He had no one to look back and say, "Hey, is this a test?" So here we are and we go through these tests. So let's enjoy those tests. They're going to be tough, but let's really learn. And instead of going over my head, I'm done. What are we being told? Start listening. It's about listening. What is it?
Gary Schneeberger:
It's interesting for me hearing you talk and how excited you get talking about what you do with Heroes to Heroes. And I'm rewinding to when you're in the media business, I'm suspecting that you're not quite as excited when you're talking about that back then. There's an excitement in what you're doing now. And I think that speaks to you ... What Warwick alluded to earlier about how your career was fun and lucrative when you were doing that in marketing and in media, but it wasn't fulfilling. Your quote goes on to say, "Founding and building up Heroes to Heroes required all the skills I had and more. Having the opportunity to redefine my life as a life of service at the age of 50 and continue to learn and develop has been a gift." So I want to ask you this question because you talked, Judy, early on about the crucibles you faced as a child. Your home wasn't a safe place. And we've come to call what I just described there as a quiet crucible. Is this all there is crucible? Of those two kinds of crucibles that you've experienced, which has been the one that you're most grateful for you have moved beyond?
Judy Isaacson Elias:
Oh, you got me there. I would say, I think the family situation. Getting beyond that, having that house, having that home ... Not house. I've just lost my microphone. But just learning what it's like to have a peaceful home. Getting my peaceful home. And I think that all comes together with what I've learned from our veterans too. And helping ... So many things I have in common with the veterans we work with is the pain at home. That's the one thing that a lot of us have in common and a lot of people have in common. And finally being at a place where I love being home. And our home is open. When any of our alumni, we call our family ... Oh my gosh, probably 600 plus vets at this point. When they're in the neighborhood, come for dinner, come for family. And I think getting to that peaceful home, I think it's the most important thing I've done in my life. Because from a peaceful home, everything is possible.
Warwick Fairfax:
It makes you so grateful. In some way I can identify ... Again, listeners know this well, growing up in this large family media business, my dad was married three times and my mother twice. I was from the last marriage of each. And there was certainly in our family in general and my family, there was some level of challenges, dysfunction, what have you. It comes often with money. So I've been blessed. My wife's American. We met in Australia. We've been married I guess 35 years this year. I have like you three adult kids, early 30s, into 20s. And I tell my kids just how blessed they are. Because they have a wonderful mother. They have just a loving family. It's like, who wouldn't want to come home? I am not so much talking about me, but our family. Of course they would. But when you experience the power and money and the infighting and the rivalry between different factions in the family, it just doesn't matter who's right and wrong. It's inevitable with money from my perspective, it makes what you have feel like such grace.
Neither of my parents were overly religious in that sense. My father had a sense of God, but was more ecumenical. That was my choice. Not because somebody told me I needed to do it. So it just makes you appreciate your home, your faith when you see your kids living it. All my kids have gone on mission trips. My daughter's doing child life at Mayo Clinic, which is with kids of parents who have cancer at all. They have a heart and a set of values. So just when you've experienced things that are different, put it this way, it makes you appreciate what you have. You don't take it for granted.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
That's right.
Warwick Fairfax:
From my perspective, every day, my wife and my family, at least from my theology ... I say, "Thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus.", every single day, many times a day. I don't know. Maybe I'm an observant Christian in some sense. It's not because anybody tells me to do this, but because I want to thank God. I am so grateful. It's not a theory, it's a lifestyle if you will.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
And in so many ways, that's what it is. I think I'm doing something because people need it and it's work. Look, it's work. I've got to raise funds. And I deal with nitty-gritty and 990 forms and the IRS and all that stuff. It's all part of it at the same time.
Warwick Fairfax:
It must be so fulfilling in some ways you could say you're in the soul work. You could even say ... Again, this might be misunderstood. You're almost in the saving souls business in the sense. Not overtly religious-
Judy Isaacson Elias:
And I talk about it and I say, I'm in the God business. I'm in the God business.
Warwick Fairfax:
You're trying to heal souls because they're so broken. Nobody could love me. No God could love me after what I've done or what I've seen. You're trying to rebuild people's souls brick by brick, because if you can't love yourself or if you don't think you are worth loving, you won't be able to love anybody else. You just hurt everybody.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
And do you know that's where the self-destruction comes in. And every relationship goes, and the divorce and the problems with children. And I saw it with my father. It was so easy for him to check out. But in so many ways. I felt loved by him. I felt loved there. It just wasn't demonstrated. There was a lot of pride. The first time my name was in the newspaper for one of the radio station promotions I got, he carried it around in his wallet and showed all his friends. So it was those little things where I said, that's where the love comes from and that's why I love the guy so much, because that's an easy way for him to do it without saying it.
Warwick Fairfax:
In a sense, maybe it felt like given what he's gone through, he's doing the best he can.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
Yes. And I felt that way.
Warwick Fairfax:
He's trying in his own way.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
And he was just a wonderful, good-hearted person who was very humble. We were lower middle-class people. I never felt like I was missing anything. I'm not a materialistic person. I don't care how much money I have. I don't need things. I'm not a things person. I love to bake. For me, it's feeding people in so many ways is love. My kids come and there's a freezer full of baked goods, and then there's whatever favorite meals they've had. I've learned to hear people and give them what they need. Not what I want to give them. When I'm with children, my grandkids, it's what they want to play. It's not what I want to play with them. That's how I work Heroes to Heroes. It's what they need.
And people say to me, you've got on this journey 40 times, how do you deal with the same door? I learn something each time and I learn from the people. And each time it's different because each group is different and their needs are different. My husband and I will go into their team meetings and they can ask us anything about Judaism. And some of the discussions are really interesting. And I've learned so much about Christianity. I've learned about Islam. I've learned about Mormonism, Latter-day Saints. Church of Latter-day Saints. I didn't know much about that. And it's been such an education. One of the things that comes out of the research on our organization is that people feel they're more connected to everyone else in the world because we do share more. We do have more in common than not. Especially when it comes to faith. There's monotheism. In many ways we're all the same. We're looking for that connection. We're searching.
Gary Schneeberger:
On the subject of giving people what they need, I would be lying, Judy, if I didn't say, I feel like we need to give you some time in Israel, and it's a lot later where you are than we are here in the States. So this'll be where I would normally say captain, turn on the fasten seatbelt sign. We're starting to descend to land the plane. We're not there yet because Mr. Fairfax has a couple of more questions I think he wants to ask you.
Judy Isaacson Elias:
Okay. Great.
Warwick Fairfax:
Well, yeah. Thank you so much, Judy, for being here. It's such a blessing what you're doing. You are in a sense, saving souls. You'll try to patch them back, broken fragment by broken fragment to rebuild the inside. The souls of people, which is incredible. I guess one way of looking at it is you might meet a veteran for the first time, or maybe it's somebody else who's just broken in so many ways and they might feel like nobody should like me in biblical times. I might almost feel like a leper. Unclean, leave me alone. Put me out at the edge of towns, which they used to back then. They might feel like a leper. That nobody should love them. God couldn't love them. What do you say? What in that initial conversation to somebody that feels so broken and so not worth loving by anybody else or by God? What's that initial conversation you have with them?
Judy Isaacson Elias:
Hello. We're here. What can I do? I'll start with them and just say, "This is who I am. This is why I'm doing what I'm doing, and this is who we are and I would love to have you part of it." And then just so much of it taking away judgment and just accepting people where they are and who they are. I'm a very curious person. I want to know how everything works. I'm still trying to figure out radio waves. I just cannot figure that out. Stuff like that. And I was in radio for so long and I don't know how it gets from there to here. And I want to learn that. But I'm also very interested in people. One thing, it's just leading with love. Leading with our hearts. And I think we tend to lead with our brains. Let's think things through. That's for other things. But in our day-to-day relationships, and especially working with a population that's struggling and people who are struggling is, I'm here and I'm not here to judge. And I don't care where you were last week or where you were 10 years ago. Where are you now? And it's okay.
I remember that book, gosh, years and years ago. I'm OK - You're OK. He had something there. Being okay with people's faith, with their choices. It's their choices. It doesn't affect my life on a day-to-day basis. And it's not being threatened by other people's choices and what's going on in their lives. And it's hard. And one of the things that I have a challenge with is I tend to take on a lot of the stuff. And I have to just stop myself from doing that and just say, "Okay, Judy, you can't be broken all the time. You can't take their issues on." It's just really accepting people and just letting them know that you're there and whatever they say, you are not going to be the one to judge.
Gary Schneeberger:
I have been in the communications business long enough to know, and the final word on the subject has been spoken. And Isaacson, our guest, just spoke it. So until we are together again the next time, folks, please remember ... You heard it here in this conversation. We understand crucible experiences are tough. We talked about Judy's experience, Warwick's experiences, and the moral injuries that the veterans, the Judy, helps what they've been through. We understand how difficult this is, but we also understand something equally important. And that is they're not the end of your story. Because if you learn the lessons from them, if you do the soul work, as Warwick often says, and you move with intention, guided by your values to another destination where that destination will take you, that destination you'll go to is the most rewarding one of your life. And that is a life of significance.
Welcome to a journey of transformation with Beyond the Crucible Assessment. Unlike any other, this tool is designed to guide you from adversity to achievement. As you answer a few insightful questions, you won't just find a label like the helper or the individualist. Instead, you'll uncover your unique position in the journey of resilience. This assessment reveals where you stand today, the direction you should aim for, and crucially the steps to get there. It's more than an assessment. It's a roadmap to a life of significance. Ready? Visit beyondthecrucible.com, take the free assessment and start charting your course to a life of significance today.
Our research into how people experience crucibles and chart a path beyond them has led us to identify a core set of “actionable truths” — 10 in all — that will help you overcome the obstacles you face as you navigate your unique journey from trials to triumph. This week, in our overview episode of what we’re calling the series within the show, we’ll discuss the insights our newly crafted Beyond the Crucible Roadmap offers and identify each of the actionable truths.
Then, each month throughout this year, we’ll spend an entire episode unpacking the importance of each of the truths, along with tips on how you can activate them.
To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.
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Warwick Fairfax:
Welcome to Beyond the Crucible. I'm Warwick Fairfax, the founder of Beyond The Crucible. These actionable truths, they will help you get beyond your worst day and your crucible. They will also help you make your vision become a reality. These are critical both for you and the team that you work with. So these concepts might seem like, well, yes, they're concepts, but we call them actionable truths because if you live these out, whether it's self-reflection or authenticity, just a big two out of the 10, they can be life-transforming, they can be vision-transforming.
Gary Schneeberger:
What are these actionable truths anyway? That's what you'll discover this week as we take a big picture look at a big refinement in the ways we help you move from trials to triumphs. So fasten your virtual seat belts as we begin our year-long drive through the Beyond the Crucible roadmap and the fresh insights it offers to help you not be defined by your worst day.
So today folks, we're going to discuss an exciting new development in the Beyond the Crucible thinking for turning trials into triumphs. Now, if you've been with us for any period of time, you've heard us talk about things that help you do that. We have refined what our counsel, our wisdom, and our help to you is. And this is what we're going to talk about in this first episode of the New Year. We call them actionable truths, these things that we're going to talk to you about that will help you move from trial to triumph, that will help you navigate that journey to your life of significance.
But before we can move into what we're doing next, we need to take a little time reviewing where we've been. So we've got some new stuff that we want to tell you about that's going to be part of everything we do in 2025, meaning once a month we will have an episode devoted to what we're calling the actionable truths of this new phase of how we help you get from trials to triumphs. But before we can move there, we have to talk about where we've been. And where we've been, Warwick, is it started with your book. It starts all the way back to Crucible Leadership, your Wall Street Journal bestselling book. And I'm just going to very quickly set you up with what the model was, has been for us since the book was published, and we've never tossed that aside. That's always been part of what we do.
And when you hear it, folks, when you hear what the new organizing construct is for us, which we're going to talk about in this episode and explore more throughout the year, you'll understand that we're not throwing anything out, we're just refining things. So let's talk about, I'll call this stage one in our development, our life cycle at Beyond The Crucible. And that is that Beyond The Crucible was founded as Crucible Leadership in 2018. The model we developed to help people move from setback to significance was rooted, as I said in Warwick's book, which he talked about his personal experience, his personal crucible of losing the family media company. These were the building blocks for the book, Crucible Leadership, as I said, informed by what Warwick went through and learned from what he went through, lessons he got for the book and from his great-great-grandfather and father and historical figures like Churchill, Lincoln, and Washington.
That's a churn of all of the insights that are in that book. And what it boiled down to, the process that we laid out for how you get from trial to triumph was this. It starts with being refined, refined. Then leaning into your design, refined design. Then casting a vision, refine, design, vision, and then making that vision a reality. So Warwick, I've already talked way too much in this episode, so I'm going to turn it over to you and ask you a question here. How has this model that I've just laid out created as a pathway to moving beyond your crucible, how did it serve us? How has it served us in helping people navigate from their trials to their triumphs?
Warwick Fairfax:
It's interesting, Gary, as I was writing the book and we were meeting with the team, including Cheryl Farr that leads our branding and marketing team, we were talking about the book and the key elements. And we had this discussion that in Crucible leadership, there was an intrinsic model that was behind the book, and it was laid out in some ways in the chapter headings and the section headings that each chapter fell into. And there was sort of an intrinsic model, and it was refine, design, vision, reality. And this was my reflection based on my own story as well as stories from other family members, my dad, Sir Warwick Fairfax, my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax, who started the 150-year-old family media business in Australia as well as historical faith and inspirational leaders that I wrote about. And really the first step refine is when you're facing your worst day, your crucible, it's exceptionally painful.
And so the first step to moving beyond your worst day is you got to process it. You got to reflect on what happened. And we often say that crucibles don't have to happen to you. They can happen for you. There can be a benefit, even a blessing as some of our podcast guests have said. So it's not an easy shift in thinking, but it's a choice that we have to make. So a crucible, if we allow it, can be a refining moment, a bit like blast furnace with molten metal. The bad stuff can be removed and you'll left with something that's refined, purer, sort of the essence of who you are. But that's a choice to make. You can go through a crucible and you can choose to be refined, or you can choose to be stuck there and not move on. So that's really the first step.
So the next step after refine is design. And one of the things I certainly found in my life is it's very easy to be following your parents' views of what you should do or teachers or colleagues or just be practical, be a lawyer, be a doctor, even though maybe you don't really care about either, but maybe it's a good way to make a decent living. So it's not wrong, but it's tough to live a life that's not in line with your design. So what we say by that is you've got to live a life that's in sync with how you are wired. And so in my case, growing up with this 150 year old family media business, what was needed arguably was this take charge chief executive type. I'm more of a reflective advisor. I don't like making lots of decisions quickly. I tend not to make good ones.
Like when I launched my $2 billion takeover and didn't do enough self-analysis and reflection, and obviously, we talk a lot about that in other podcasts. So I was operating out of my design. I now operate in line with my design. So you've got refine, design, and then vision. We believe vision is also something you can't inherit. It's got to be something that's yours, and we believe it's something you've got to be off the charts passionate about. And from our perspective, a vision that lasts has to lead to a life of significance, which we call a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. If this isn't something you believe is other focused that you're off the charts passionate about, you probably won't have enough perseverance to keep on going because life is tough, and there will be roadblocks. So finally, reality is where you make your vision happen.
So a vision that doesn't come to reality, an unfulfilled vision is tough, especially one that you're really passionate about. So you really want to make that vision become reality, especially if it's something you really truly believe in and that will help others. As we talk a lot about, to make your vision become reality, you really need a team around you, what we call a team of fellow travelers to make that happen. So as we looked at my story, the story of my family, the story of others, leaders, historical and faith inspirational in the book, we found there was this pattern of refine, design, vision, reality that helps you move from your worst or your crucible to get beyond it. Hence, beyond the crucible to a life affirming vision, a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. That was the original model largely from my own experience and from stories in the book.
Gary Schneeberger:
Right. And what's great about this conversation is that everything that you just mentioned is still so much part of the warp and woof of what Beyond the Crucible is. And what we're talking about here today, folks, doesn't change any of that. So keep your ears tuned as we indicate, yes, there's some new ways we're going to talk about things. There's some new processes that we're going to help you learn and gain insights from to navigate your way beyond your crucible. But there aren't wholesale changes going on here, right, Warwick? I mean, this is all pretty much in the same zip code. We're refining to use one of the words from what we've been talking about. We're refining the process a little bit to make it even more actionable. Hang on to that word, folks, actionable. You'll hear more about it, to make it even more actionable for you. How's that for teasing, Warwick? That was a teaser, wasn't it?
Warwick Fairfax:
It was, it was. I think really as we'll cover in more detail, our model, our thinking has been refined, and it has evolved. I think all of life we should be continuing to evolve, to reflect, to seek to improve, to grow, whether it's your business, your nonprofit, your family, how they interact, how you are personally with people, how you are as a human being. Life should continue to grow and evolve. And that's what we at Beyond the Crucible are seeking to do is that as we have new information and new thinking and new reflections, we try to say, okay, this was valid, is valid, but maybe there's there a more refined way of looking at it. How can we make it better and again, to use your word, more actionable for folks? So that's really, it's not so much tossing it aside, it's seeking to have that model grow and be refined and evolve as we think more and as we get new information often from our guests.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah. As you said that, what popped in my head is anybody who's familiar with Iron Man from the movies, he had his Mark one iron and then he went through Mark XXVIII, right? What we've just been talking about, refine, design, vision, and reality is sort of beyond the Crucible Mark I. Now I'm going to talk a little bit about, right, we'll talk a little bit about Mark two because we do have a stage two of where we've been. And that as the brand grew, we added original quantitative and qualitative data that taught us more about how people experienced crucibles and bounce forward from them. We commissioned a statistically valid study that found 72%, you've heard that number before. It still surprises me when I hear that, 72% of people have experienced a trial so serious that it changed the trajectory of their life.
We built a groundbreaking self-assessment rooted in the data we uncovered, and that allowed us to build profiles of individuals with different crucible experiences. Those profiles provided to put a you are here point on a map to help them better understand where they were on their journey from setback to significance. And finally, that's the quantitative data. Here's the qualitative data. We started a podcast in 2019, last year celebrated its five-year anniversary. We did a podcast on the day of that actual five-year anniversary, which is pretty awesome. And from that podcast, we've been able to add rich stories of men and women of vastly different backgrounds and experience and vastly different types of crucibles. Those stories allowed us to better understand what real people experience in the aftermath of a crucible, how they struggle, how they persevere, and how they overcome.
So my question to you, Warwick, is this. This stage, stage two, Beyond the Crucible Mark two, to use the Iron Man example again, this stage, stage two added really great insights into how people experience crucibles and move past them. What stood out to you most once we understood both the quantitative and qualitative data that I just talked about?
Warwick Fairfax:
We had this book, we had stories that I've written about myself, family members, historical, inspirational leaders. We had refine, design, vision, reality. So then in chatting to our team and to Cheryl, we said, okay, this is good, but I wonder if we can do really a robust research into this to see if this is true more than just anecdotally in terms of my reflections in the book, but if it's true in a general, statistically valid way. So as you mentioned, we decided to commission a robust research study of more than 11,000 people. And again, as you've said, what's really remarkable is that over 72% of people said they largely had had a crucible because it's easy to think, oh my life isn't that bad. Well, life is tough, and for most people, crucible is in the eye of the beholder. If you feel like you've had an experience that was so traumatic that fundamentally altered the course of your life, you choose your truth in that sense. If you believe it was painful, then it was painful. It's your experience.
What we found that largely speaking, our model was validated as an overall concept. There was some tweaks, but one of the fascinating things is that typically when researchers test data, there can be differences with demographics and gender. And what was astounding to the researchers, David and Heather Lucas, who at Dark Horse Insights who helped us with this, and they do this a lot, they found that when people were moving from their worst day crucible to a life of significance, that journey and it is a journey, it did not vary with gender, men, women. It didn't vary with age, personality, what zip code they lived in, whether they're married or any other label. It was 100% a product of how we see ourselves at a particular time. And that was just astounding.
And what we found out of this research is while they are a journey, there are a number of different paths you can follow. And if you take our assessment, you can see that in more detail and it really depends on who you are, your personality, how you see yourself. Some people have a personality that they just tend to go a mile a minute, mark five, they're not reflective and just go really fast. Other people can be so reflective, they hardly move.
And I'm not quite that bad. I'm more reflective than I am a mark four kind of person. But depending on your personality and how you make choices, they can be different paths, but it's really these aren't paths that depend on demographics or gender. It's more personality driven than it is demographically driven. So then what was fascinating is we had this whole quantitative piece, but then as you mentioned, we had the qualitative piece. We've had in the last five years, more than 240 podcast episodes, and across all the guests we've had, this gave us valuable qualitative data. And what was fascinating, as you and I have been chatting to so many guests, is that these guests came from different backgrounds, men, women, they had every crucible you can imagine from financial to physical to victims of abuse.
I mean every kind of crucible. Loss of loved ones, every kind of crucible you can imagine. And despite the diversity of crucibles and the diversity of backgrounds, the path back was universally pretty much identical .and there were things, we talk a lot about it Beyond the Crucible on our podcast and our writings. It's things like learning the lessons of your crucible. It means forgiving yourself and others. Again, we always say it doesn't mean condoning, but to be able to move on. Every guest we've ever had has said they've had to forgive in some fashion. Finding a life-affirming vision, which often for our guests comes out of their crucible. And it's pretty much, I should say, not just pretty much, it is never me-focused. I can't think of any guests we've had said it's all about me. It's about having a vision that they believe in that is really just that they're off the charts passionate about, but it's always others-focused.
So we connect the dots with the quantitative and the qualitative. They all really told the same story that coming back from your worst day isn't a function of where you live or your background or even the type of crucible. It's really a mindset shift. It's a choice of how you choose to move on. And so it really largely validated our thinking, but it certainly refined our thinking in that who knew that coming back from your worst day did not depend on where you live or your background or your gender. It's more a way of thinking. That was astounding. And certainly the researchers, David and Heather Lucas, they were amazed because it's incredibly rare for that to happen. So that was an evolutionary model in our thinking and provided extremely valuable information to us.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, and what's interesting about talking about all of this is this point that we're at right now is we're going through the life cycle of Beyond The Crucible is the perfect point for this discussion we're having because it points backward to what we've been talking about stage one, stage two, the way that we've talked about moving from crucible to life of significance. But then it informs as well, the stuff that we've been talking about has helped us to get into stage three. So we are going to spend time once a month going through some of the things that we're talking about in this episode. So this is, yes, we've been revisiting where we have been, how we've gotten here, but now we're going to pivot to talk about stage three, where we're going this year in 2025, as we help you navigate your way beyond your crucible.
And the way that we've done that is we've combined the statistical and story insights. Doing that has allowed us to create this stage three that I'm talking about in our understanding of what it takes to move beyond a crucible. We call it the Beyond the Crucible roadmap. Remember that phrase, folks. If you have a piece of paper nearby, just write down Beyond the Crucible roadmap because we're going to spend a lot of time over the next 12 months talking about the Beyond the Crucible roadmap. We describe it this way. How we help people turn their worst day into their greatest opportunity. We provide the essential actionable truths. Ding, ding, ding. There's that phrase again, actionable truths. We provide the essential actionable truths to inspire hope, enable and equip them to write their own life affirming story. Again, if you've listened to the podcast, if you've followed us, you've read Warwick's blog, you've seen him on social media, none of this stuff is necessarily unheard of from us.
It's not new in that sense, but the way that it's packaged and the way that we're going to talk about it is we believe more insightful and more helpful because we understand more now where you're at as you're going through your crucible and what our role is in providing, I'll say it again, these essential actionable truths to inspire hope, enable and equip you to write your own life affirming story. That's what we're really drilling down into in 2025. So let's go through. We talked about refine, design, vision reality and the first model that we had for how you move through a Crucible. I'm going to just unpack what the Beyond the Crucible roadmap is now, because these understandings from what we've been talking about has guided us to adjust it a bit. Again, haven't thrown it out, haven't really negated anything from it. We've added to it. We've tweaked some things, we've tightened some bolts, and we have what we believe to be a better tool to help you move from setback to significance.
So in stage three, here's what the roadmap looks like. It begins with the trial, which in our language is the crucible. And that is the aftermath of a life of altering, crucible moment where we are fundamentally changed. That's the first step, the starting point, the starting blocks of the Beyond the Crucible roadmap. This stage is often characterized by feelings of hurt, loss, sadness, anger, failure, and or grief. It may be hard to consider that there is a way out much less what that next step might be, right? If you're among that 72% who's experienced the crucible as our data found, you know what that feels like. You know what stage one, step one of the beyond the Crucible roadmap is. You've experienced it, the trial and the Crucible, but these other stages that we're going to go through, those are the ones that are going to help you get beyond stage one.
The second step in the roadmap is this processing. The necessary step of processing the fallout from a crucible so we are free to move ahead, critical step. To move out of this stage, we must recognize and let go of the feelings of anger, hurt, or unfairness that resulted from the crucible and overcome our fear of repeating the past. Again, we are your, Warwick coined this phrase, I love it. We're your dealers in hope on this, folks. We're your dealers in hope to help you get to that place of processing and not just get to it, but get through it. The next stage is vision. Sound familiar? We talked about that refine, design, vision, reality, right? Vision, still there because it's so critical. Vision, this is a time to cast a new post crucible vision for life. That vision may not come immediately. Instead, we may have to experiment with new ideas and experience, explore untapped talents, develop new skills, and or find a new community to land on the right new vision for life.
This is where the rubber meets the road. Casting your vision. It's a critical part. And you'll learn throughout this year why it's so critical. In particular, it shows up a lot in what we're going to be talking about as we go through 2025. But for now, put a pin in this vision, third point in the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap. We then move to step four, which is reality, right? That's refine, design, vision, reality. It follows vision. It's followed vision since the inception of Beyond the Crucible, back when it was Crucible Leadership, reality, critical. Now we create and execute an actionable plan to turn that vision into a new everyday reality. Shaping a new place in the world for yourself isn't easy. You may find obstacles or roadblocks along the way or be tempted by old ways of thinking or doing, but stick with it. The reward will be worth it, and that's one of the reasons that we're here.
That's a major reason that we're here to be, I'll say, ding, ding, ding again, Warwick's phrase, to be dealers in hope for you. When things get tough, things can get tough. We're here to help you move through that to get to reality. And why is getting to reality so important, so critical to moving beyond your crucible? Because of where it ends. It ends with triumph. Triumph is this. We are well on the way to a new and significant post crucible life. We have acknowledged our crucible and its transformative impact on us. We've moved beyond the hurt to cast a new meaningful vision for life, and we are turning that exciting vision into a new achievable and sustainable every day reality. That's a lot. Again, Warwick, this is unusual. You're always the play by play guy in our conversations, and I'm calling all the plays here, but...
Warwick Fairfax:
All good.
Gary Schneeberger:
It feels weird to talk so much. I'm sure people probably feel like, why is Gary talking so much? Here's why.
Warwick Fairfax:
I don't know.
Gary Schneeberger:
I'm going to stop talking for a while, and I'm going to turn it over to Warwick because here's the pivotal point that Warwick as the founder, as the chief visionary here can unpack, and that's this. Warwick, this is a journey that we're talking about. We've talked about it internally amongst ourselves as a bit of a hero's journey like Frodo takes in the Lord of the Rings films, like Luke Skywalker takes in the Star Wars movies. Talk about this latest stage, this stage three, mark three in Beyond the Crucible and the development of our thinking here at Beyond The Crucible. Explain a little bit how we got here, why we're here, and why it's important. Warwick offers the insights only he can into why we've created the roadmap after these words from our sponsor.
Warwick Fairfax:
Certainly this model of trial or crucible, processing, vision, reality, triumph, it bears some relationship to the old model of refine, design, vision, reality that came out of the book and stories from there. But this model is really being refined and augmented by the work we did in our quantitative and qualitative research. And so based on the data, we can really say that this model that's Beyond the Crucible roadmap is a statistically valid model that maps out how you do get from your worst day to a life of significance from trial to trial. And that's why we're so excited about it because this is based on the research, and we believe is a valid framework to help you navigate your life beyond your worst day. So as you've mentioned, it starts with trial, where we're fundamentally change, and that's where we have a choice. We can either say, this was awful, I'm going to wallow in it. I'm going to hide under the covers of the rest of my life, or I choose to move beyond.
It's only if you make that choice that you get to the processing stage in which you say, okay, this may be unfair, but what happened? What can I learn from this? Maybe I can learn a whole lot about who I am. But you only move from trial to processing if you make a choice that you won't be defined by your worst day. You can make a choice that I'm going to be defined by my worst day. I'm giving up. I'm angry, I'm bitter, I'm not moving on. Then you just get stuck. So once you've really refined and reflected on it, one of the things that people talk a lot about in counseling and therapy, from what I understand is you've got to feel your feelings. You can't stuff it. As one of our guests said, stuff it in the basement. You've got to reflect on it and you've got to understand what happened and why it happened to be able to move on. So that's absolutely critical.
And so the next step after you process it is vision. You've got to say, okay, I don't like what happened, a process that I've understood, but it's time to cast a new post crucible vision for your life, one that's life affirming, that's focused on helping others. And so once you have that vision and we believe it needs to be other focused, it needs to be something you're off the charts passionate about, then it's like, okay, well then how do we make this a reality? There's nothing worse than a vision that doesn't become reality. And so for that, you often need help.
And so once your vision has become reality, then there's a sense of triumph. I'm living my best life. If you are having a life that's focused on others, a life of significance, we believe you'll have a joyful and fulfilled life. It doesn't mean there won't be further crucibles and setbacks and tragedies, but in terms of the arc of your life, you'll feel like I was put on this earth by God or however you look at it spiritually to make a difference, I'm making a difference. That gives you this sense of fulfillment and almost quiet inner joy. That's what we mean by triumph. It's not about your bank account. It's really more measured by just the impact you feel like you are having. It doesn't mean it could be global or it could be your neighborhood. That's really not the point. It's feeling like you're really triumphing in the sense of you're making some small step as a force for good. You're making a difference in the lives of others in your family and your community.
And that's I think, where we all want to be, that sense of joy and fulfillment, that I'm making a difference. I'm not wasting my one and only life. That's really what we mean by triumph.
Gary Schneeberger:
Yeah, and I'm glad you mentioned that even when we've reached the triumph stage, it doesn't mean that other trials, other crucibles aren't going come. And that's why I think it's so important. And we spend a lot of time, folks, Warwick can attest to that. We spend a lot of time, what are we going to call these things that are going to help you along this journey? And we landed on actionable truths for a reason. And the reason is think of what you know to be a truth. Gravity, okay, that's a truth. It's actionable. If you're on the roof of a tall building, you're not going to jump off if there's concrete below because the actionable truth is that's not going to be a good landing. The truths stay with you once you get them and you process them, and you make them internalized.
And that's what these things that we're going to talk about, these 10 actionable truths that we're going to get to in a minute and we're going to talk about all year, are designed to be there to live within you as you go through life when other crucibles come, because they are. To use Warwick's words that he's said many times on the show, it's not always a one and done.
I've been through a crucible. I'm done. I got the chicken pox once. I can't get it again. I mean, it's not like that. You can have crucibles can come back. They often do come back, and that's why actionable truth fits so well because it's something that you carry within you once you realize it to be true. Okay, so before we talk about what those truths are, folks, Warwick, can you explain to everybody the role that they play in our journey along the road from setback to significance, right? We call them actionable truths, like I said, for a reason. What's the role that they play for folks even before we talk about it so they understand what it is we're talking about and why we're talking about them. Because there'll be words that they've heard before, but we're talking about them in this specific context.
Warwick Fairfax:
We view these actionable truths as accelerators. Life is tough. To go from your worst day to a life affirming vision, from your crucible to a life of significance, from trial to triumph, you need help. And really these actionable truths, they're more philosophical constructs, they're more systems of belief, systems of thought. They're less something so concrete like a wrench or a hammer. It's like, okay, got it. I need this for one specific task, I'm done. These actionable truths, you might pick them up at different points in the journey that we'll talk about more later and on later episodes, but they're with you for life. They're ones you might use every day in multiple different scenarios at work, at home, on the playing field, with volunteer work, in every aspect of your life. It's not like, okay, so I need to saw because I'm doing woodwork, and that's fine, but this is something you could use if it was a house for any part of the house, any particular thing you are doing. And that's why it was a bit challenging for us to figure out what to call these things,
Gary Schneeberger:
Right.
Warwick Fairfax:
Philosophical constructs feels like a bit of a, too hard to say. But actionable truths is what we landed on. And we're very excited about these because these actionable truths in a sense have always been there, a little bit like digging for gold, if you will. They may be there, you just don't know where they are, or diamonds. You go back to the original book, Crucible Leadership. There are words that we're going to get into in a moment that if you go thumb through the contents of the book, you'll find those words in the book. We talk about these words a lot in the podcast. We have blogs that we write that talk about these. So that's why it's so exciting. I'm just going to give one small example before we outline them. Teaser alert. One is called self-reflection, and Gary's going to outline in a moment all of the 10 actionable truths.
I mentioned that because we said earlier, Gary said earlier that crucibles happen throughout your life. So for instance, something just happens. Maybe a friend lets you down, you get fired from work, maybe you've got an issue with your family, a challenge in a nonprofit you volunteer with. There could be all sorts of things that happened. And so yes, you're going to be frustrated, maybe angry, how come this happened? Well, what do you do? One of the things that accelerates your way through this is self-reflection. What happened? Why did it happen? What's my part in it? Do I need to apologize? Is something bad happen at work? Maybe I wasn't thinking in the right way. Maybe we need to think a bit differently to get beyond this challenge with the market, with the industry, whatever it is. You need to do some self-reflection.
So if you know that's one of the actionable truths, you'll know, okay, I've got to spend a minute getting angry and frustrated, but I need to make a choice and move beyond to start reflecting. So it's like, okay, so I'm done with reflecting. I did that 20 years ago in my crucible, I'm done. No, life happens, challenges happen. Self-reflecting can be a part of your daily or the very least weekly or monthly way of living. Okay, what happened? Why did it happen? What can I learn? What are the lessons? How can I move on? So that's one example which we'll get into more later about why each of these actionable truths, not one and done. It can be ways of thinking that helps you every single day. So that's what was fascinating to us as we came up with these actionable truths.
Gary Schneeberger:
And I mean even to the point every day, yes, but every moment, right? Right now, someone could be listening to this, and some crucible event could be happening. One of these 10 actionable truths, and I'm going to talk here in a minute, is something that's as it gets inside you, if it's inside you, if it stays inside you, if you continue to nurture that, you can apply that immediately to the situation that you're in. So it's always there for the thinking and the acting. This is why we call them actionable truths, the thinking is truth and actionable because it can be activated. Okay? Have we teased it enough, folks? Have we done enough teasing? This is the first time that we're going to list them in the way that we're going to list them, and I'm going to give you a preface to what I'm about to go through.
Don't get mad at me because I'm not going to do much more than say what the actionable truth is and define it just a little bit. But please know, even though this is the introduction episode for this shift, this mark three of Beyond the Crucible and our roadmap, we're going to spend a lot of time in 2025 talking about these things. Once a month, we're going to have an episode that's dedicated to one of these 10 actionable truths that I'm going to talk about. So don't get frustrated that we're not going to spend a lot of time going through them here. I'm going to introduce them, I'm going to ask Warwick a question about them, and then we're going to go so that these actionable truths can kind of settle on you. You can think about them a little bit before we start being dealers in hope and offering you perspectives on how you can apply these things internally so that you can apply them externally in action whenever you need them.
So are you ready? I need a drum roll. I need a drum roll. There we go. Drum roll. The first one of our actionable truths is this, crucibles. That's where it all starts. Your crucible didn't happen to you, it happened for you. Your worst day is not the end of your story, but the launching point for a life-giving new story. And what I'm doing here, folks here, I'm not making eye contact with you if you're watching it on YouTube. I'm making sure I get these right. I'm reading them off my notes right here. So I want to make sure that we get these right as we lay the groundwork for our conversation throughout the year. Second one is self-reflection. Warwick already talked about that a little bit. Reflecting on your crucible can reveal important insights about yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, even vulnerabilities that you can use to forgive yourself, forgive others, and bounce forward. That's the second actionable truth.
Third actionable truth, authenticity. To move beyond your crucible, you must embrace your authentic self. It's time to be true to who you really are, not who others want you to be. Are you noticing something about this? We'll talk more about it as we get into them week by week, but they kind of fit together, don't they? Crucible, self-reflection. Then you lean into authenticity. Here's the fourth one. The fourth one is faith. Believing in something beyond yourself that serves as the immovable anchor for your soul no matter what's happening around you. The fourth actionable truth. The fifth, character, how you live out your faith in the real world. Character is your belief system in action. Next, vision, a sacred calling that summons you to a mission beyond yourself. No matter what the size of your vision, it has meaning and it matters. There's that word again, that's been with Beyond the Crucible, as most of these words have been with Beyond the Crucible since it was crucible Leadership, and it was contained in the pages of a book that Warwick wrote.
The one, two, three, four, five, six, seventh actionable truth, fellow travelers. You've heard that as well. A team of trusted advisors and a community of like-minded people are key to turning your vision into reality. Eight, perseverance. Continuing to move forward in pursuit of your vision, even in the face of difficulties and obstacles. Perseverance is hope. I love that. Perseverance is hope, believing in your heart of hearts that there's a brighter future ahead. Redemption, number nine, your worst day can be redeemed. We're going to spend a lot of time this year talking about that your worst day can be redeemed. It's not over. You can get beyond it. And getting beyond it involves redemption. Your worst day can be redeemed. We are all worthy and capable of turning failure, loss, and trauma into a catalyst of transformation, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose. We should spend two weeks on that one. That one's really good.
And then number 10 on the list, and this is maybe the word you've heard the most on the show that's not an article, an a and the, something like that, is significance, a life lived on purpose dedicated to serving others. You can have a whole new life-giving story, one in which true success is measured by how you positively impact the world around you. Folks, those are the 10 actionable truths that will help you as you move through, move on down the journey through the Beyond the Crucible roadmap. So Warwick, we'll slow down here for a second. We've covered a lot of ground, and it's a lot of new ground. Even though it's familiar words, there's new ground about the way we talk about them. What's the number one takeaway you would like our friends, our listeners, and viewers to have from this episode and then hang onto that, think about that as we then move through what's coming over the next 12 months?
Warwick Fairfax:
We've been on a journey of Beyond the Crucible to better understand how you get beyond your worst day and ultimately live a life-affirming vision. We've studied that through the book I wrote, Crucible Leadership, through my story, the stories of my family, stories of historical faith and inspirational leaders. We've studied that through quantitative research and the qualitative research that we've done, more than 240 episodes that we've had on the podcast. And so with all of this research and reflection from the data, from the stories in the book, from stories from our podcast guests, we've come up with Beyond the Crucible Roadmap to help you go from trials to triumph and these 10 actionable truths. So we believe this Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, gives you the clearest picture of how you get beyond your worst day to figure out where you are with the assessment on that journey and what you need to do to get there.
And that's why we're so excited, not just about this Beyond the Crucible Roadmap, but the actionable truths because they help you make a daily choice to move on. They help give you ways of thinking. So for instance, one of the ones we just talked about, authenticity. Okay, maybe you need to be honest with yourself and others about what happened in your worst day. Does that mean you are done? No. You might work with a team of people at work. Do you need to be authentic to who you are or just put on some mask because I know where we're going, but I'm going to seem like the take charge leader, even though today I might feel a little scared. I mean, one of the things we talk about is vulnerability for a purpose.
You don't need to talk about every silly thing you've ever done or weird thing you're thinking, but I think it's okay to say, I know we'll get through this, but I don't know about you, but I'm a bit nervous about where we are. The market's pretty difficult right now. We're in the midst of a recession. I'm confident we'll figure out a way through. But I've got to be honest with you, I'm anxious too. That's vulnerability for a purpose. That's being authentic. To say in the midst of a recession, I'm fine. I think we should all have hope and everything's good, and we'll look back and we'll laugh about this and say... We'll laugh about this, really? No, we might be crying a bit. Maybe we'll get through. But don't just have smoke and mirrors. So these actionable truths, they will help you get beyond your worst day and your crucible. They will also help you make your vision become a reality. These are critical both for you and the team that you work with.
So these concepts might seem like, well, yes, they're concepts, but we call them actionable truths because if you live these out, whether it's self-reflection or authenticity, just a big two out of the 10, they can be life-transforming. They can be vision-transforming. They can make a vision happen sooner and better than it would've otherwise. So they might seem like just philosophical constructs, but we believe they're actionable truths. We use that phrase for a reason because we think they're vital in helping you get beyond your worst day, live a joyful and fulfilling life, and ultimately live the life that we like to think you've always dreamed of, a life of significance, a life on purpose dedicated to serving others. So these actionable truths we think can be game-changing and life-changing.
Gary Schneeberger:
So what do you think, folks? Does any of this, does all of this sound like something that is going to be both insightful to go through this year, helpful to go through this year, and hopeful all three of those things? We certainly hope that's the way that you perceive this, and that you continue to come back to us to get more insight on these actionable truths, because that's going to be a lot of what we talk about. They're going to be, yes, we're going to have episodes once a month on each of these actionable truths, but we'll weave discussions of them throughout everything that we do this year. As long as you're going to be here this year, we ask you to do a couple of things for us. One, if you're watching us on YouTube, leave us a comment about what you thought of this episode, what you think of the show in general, but then also subscribe to our YouTube channel so that you can make sure that you get episodes all the time and not just full episodes.
We also have little clips of individual episodes that maybe came before you started joining us, so you can get some insight on some of the guests that have come before, some of that qualitative data that we talked about earlier. And then if you're listening to us on your favorite podcast app, we ask that you would subscribe to the show so that you never miss an episode. Every Tuesday we drop a new one. And if you subscribe to the podcast app on whatever, however you listen, that'll just show up on your computer or on your phone, and you can catch us every week. You'll never miss an episode. And I'm going to try to make this a tagline for this year. We'll see what happens.
We want you to believe the truths that we talk about. But more than that, we also want you to act on the truths that we talk about as we guide you, as we help you down through the Beyond the Crucible Roadmap. So until the next time we're together, we know crucible experiences are hard. We're here to offer you hope that they are overcome-able, that you can move beyond them. We'll see you next week.
Welcome to a journey of transformation with Beyond the Crucible assessment. Unlike any other, this tool is designed to guide you from adversity to achievement. As you answer a few insightful questions, you won't just find a label like the Helper or the Individualist. Instead, you'll uncover your unique position in the journey of resilience. This assessment reveals where you stand today, the direction you should aim for, and crucially the steps to get there. It's more than an assessment. It's a roadmap to a life of significance. Ready. Visit Beyondthecrucible.com. Take the free assessment and start charting your course to a life of significance today.
