August 2019 - Beyond the Crucible by Warwick Fairfax

Growing up in a 150-year-old family media business, my self-worth was inextricably tied to the family business and the family dynasty. I saw my role in life as carrying on the family business to the next generation, and to honor the legacy of my great-great-grandfather, John Fairfax, and my father, Sir Warwick Fairfax. My duty was to pass the family company to the next generation, stronger than it had been before. That was why I was put on this earth. My legacy and whether my life were well-spent or wasted would directly depend on the survival and growth of John Fairfax Ltd. (as the company was called) and the Fairfax dynasty.

When I see shows about royalty such as The Crown, or about English nobility such as Downton Abbey, I can identify with the characters. Being in a goldfish bowl, your every mistake magnified and publicized. The almost crushing sense of duty and above all not wanting to fail. The Fairfax family business and the Fairfax dynasty were my career, my job, my legacy, and my life. How I felt about myself — my self-worth — was directly tied to how I performed in this role.

Losing My Identity

When I launched the A$2.25B takeover in August 1987 of the family company, I set myself on a difficult road. With family members selling out and the October 1987 stock market crash hurting asset sales, we had too much debt. By late 1990, when Australia entered a significant recession, the company had to file for bankruptcy. The family business was over, and in a sense the Fairfax family dynasty was over, being no longer tied to the family business. My legacy of leading John Fairfax Ltd. into the next generation intact and stronger was also over.

My self-worth was shattered. My reason for being was gone. My legacy was gone. I had failed spectacularly in what was so much a part of my self-worth: preserving the family business.

How I Reclaimed My Self-Worth

Faith: My faith in Christ is the anchor of my life. It has been since my days at Oxford University. During those dark years in the 1990’s, after John Fairfax Ltd. fell out of family control and I moved to the US, I clung to my faith. Key concepts my faith taught me helped. God loves me unconditionally. He does not need John Fairfax Ltd. He does not need my accomplishments. God has a plan for my life and I have to trust that and trust his purpose.

Family: In particular, my wife, Gale, as well as my kids, love and support me unconditionally. Other than my faith in Christ, my wife and my family have been the greatest blessings in my life, to which I am daily so grateful and thankful. Never once have they said that they think any less of me because John Fairfax Ltd. passed from family control on my watch. They love and believe in me because of who I am as a person. It is who I am and my character that they value, not what I achieve.

Friends: I have been blessed to have friends, including friends at the non-denominational church where I am an Elder and the school board I have been on. They all value me for who I am. In fact, I rarely get asked about my past with the family media company. That is not the Warwick they know or the Warwick they care about.

Reflection: Gradually I came to discover what my skills and abilities are, as well as what my passions are. It has been a long road and not an easy process, but through the journey I came to realize that I am a reflective advisor. I enjoy writing. I enjoy asking questions and helping people through executive coaching and the two nonprofit boards I have been on. I enjoy being part of organizations whose missions I care deeply about.

What My Story Can Teach You

What can we learn from my story, about reclaiming your self-worth, for many who have been through tragedy or other hardships that may have seemingly crushed your self-worth?

You are not what you do. You need to chart your own course. Pleasing other people and trying to fulfill their dreams for you does not make sense. That is the path to despondency and sets us up for failure and disappointment.
Your self-worth is anchored in who you are, not what you do. What you do should flow out of who you are.
Who you are is based on what you value and believe. These values and beliefs should provide a touchstone of why you have worth; worth that is not tied to performance.
Your values and beliefs are meant to be lived out in areas you feel passionate about, and that fully utilize your skills and abilities.

We need to live our lives based on our fundamental beliefs and values. We need to pursue our dreams, not other peoples’ dreams.

Reflection

Are you pursuing your dreams or someone else’s?
Is your self-worth anchored in who you are or what you do?
Are you charting your own course in line with your values and beliefs?

To explore Beyond the Crucible resources, including our free Trials-to-Triumphs Self-Assessment, visit beyondthecrucible.com.

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For many of us, our self-worth is tied to our job and career. If we are doing well at our job, we feel good about ourselves. But if we are not performing well at work, life might not look so good. This may seem normal, so what’s the problem? Isn’t this just life?

The problem is that seeing your self-worth — your identity — bound up with the outcome of how you perform won’t just affect you, it will hurt those around you. It will affect those that work for you, your co-workers, your friends, and your family.

While it is all too common to see your self-worth tied to your career, life does not have to be this way. There is a better way — a way that includes separating your self-worth and your identity from how you perform.

What is Self-Worth?

Life is rarely smooth. So, inevitably, we will fail at times. Our life and indeed our careers are full of ebbs and flows. We might get promoted and advance, or we might get passed over or even fired. We can be held back by a boss that does not appreciate us, or we might be laid off because of the economy.

Webster’s Dictionary defines self-worth as “one’s own value as a human being.” It is closely related to self-esteem (meaning confidence in your own worth and abilities) and self-respect. It all boils down to how we feel about ourselves. Do we feel we are worthwhile, that we are valuable?

Feeling good about ourselves, whether in our career, our appearance, or other areas in our life, is critical to our ability to be happy. Feeling bad about ourselves and having little respect for who we are can lead to bad choices in our career and in our relationships.

Having a healthy self-worth, which sadly does not seem that common in our society, means we value who we are. We don’t accept behavior at work or at home that devalues us. We accept jobs that are in line with our abilities and do not settle for less.

We need to feel we are worth something because of who we are, not what we do. In a sense, we need to appreciate ourselves; our gifts, talents and abilities; backgrounds, heritage, everything. When we anchor our identity not in our performance, but rather in our own inherent value as human beings, we free ourselves from the natural ups and downs of our careers.

Finding Your Self-Worth Outside Your Career

My faith says that God loves us because of who we are, and that we are made in his image. Psalm 139 says that God created “my inmost being” and that we are “wonderfully made.” To me, this means our self-worth comes from who we are, not how much or little we accomplish — not our careers, not how much money we have in the bank, but of the person we choose to be, day in and day out.

So how do we begin to separate our self-worth from our career? A word of caution: this is not easy. But with some perseverance and belief, it is possible. Below are some initial steps you can start taking today:

Strengthen your innermost beliefs and values. Have a daily routine that reinforces and reminds you of your beliefs. This could be through prayer, meditation, or journaling.
Take inventory of the people you surround yourself with. It’s important that your innermost circle also carries the same beliefs and values as you. When we are feeling down, they can remind us of our beliefs.
Look outside your job. Examine who you are and what you care about outside of your career. What brings you joy and fulfillment? Look for outlets for your passions and beliefs outside of your job. Volunteering is a great way to express what matters most to you.
Examine your current circumstances. Take some time to evaluate whether or not your job and the people you work with are in alignment with your beliefs and values. If not, consider a change in direction.

Finding our self-worth outside of our career and performance will make us more resilient to life’s inevitable ups and downs. Life is not easy. We will face trials and challenges. When we separate our self-worth from our career and value ourselves for who we are, we will help strengthen our self-esteem and our self-worth.